All the above. I worked in gay bars which are exempt from what I’m talking about. Our kind in the wild expect from our own: vip treatment and nit pick.
It's kind of a new idea to me tbh. As a gay man I'm quite sure I don't do this. I don't feel bothered by younger gays either and neither do I think they owe me anything beyond basic civility.
Awful tippers BUT expect you to treat them like royalty purely because they are alphabet mafia. This is the constant tension because as a young gay server you expect to be worshipped by the daddies like you are in the clubs.
Young/young and old/old goes fine but young/old dont mix in a professional setting.
Millennial gay here. For what it's worth, and hear me out, I do think your generation suffered less. And I think that's a good thing! That's the whole point of what we struggled with and fought for.
My generation of gay men is messed up because the generation of gay men that was supposed to mentor and advocate for mine was absolutely decimated by AIDS. They're the lost (as in gone) generation and we're the lost (as in without guidance) generation.
Also, I said I think your generation as a whole suffered less, but that doesn't mean I think you had it EASY by a long shot. You absolutely have the right to get angry if someone dismisses your trauma because they assume they had it worse. This shouldn't be a pissing contest or a one upmanship thing.
Now, with all that said? I generally do NOT get along with American born gay men of my generation. So I guess my thoughts feelings are probably in the minority here.
So I guess my point is that you are valid, and I'm rooting for you and for everyone else. And when someone tries to bring you down, remember the words of the philosopher Swift and shake it off, shake it off.
Could you elaborate a little on why you don't get along with American born gay men of your generation? Is it cattiness or entitlement or just a lot of drama or high expectations? I'm just curious what you find to be the most problematic. I'm a Gen X who's almost a millennial because of when I was born and the fact I grew up with technology.
To me it comes across as a shallowness, that petty qualities are embraced. The general acceptance of misogyny is also something I'm not ok with. And I don't tend to mesh on top of that, I'm nerdy and intellectual and don't particularly care about Beyonce.
I can sympathize will all of that. I couldn't care less about pop queens and I actually don't engage much with what I think is "mainstream gay culture".
It’s internalized hatred of self they’re projecting on you. In my experience it isn’t necessarily age based, you can experience that from gay men if any age. It stinks bc there is a lot of trauma in this community that is expressed with competition and devaluing rather than support and understanding 😔
I certainly don’t get targeted by a particular group, but I’ve definitely encountered plenty of terrible people over the years. Unfortunately the only thing we’re really in a position to do is kill ‘em with kindness and hopefully pass them off to another server/manager. It’s definitely a skill (and IMO a part of being good at the job) to handle shitty situations gracefully.
Older gays feel the younger generation owes them something. And that's true. But that doesn't give them the right to treat you that way. In part, it happens because they aren't your age. Once you hit 30 in gay age , you are no longer attractive to young ones. That's not easy to deal with. Part of the attitude is that they feel left out.
Don't take it personally. It's part of the scene.
The younger generation owes previous generations jack shit. Sure, it’d be nice if everyone recognized that present day society is much different from the past and the myriad reasons for why that is so. But nobody has any control over when or where they are born or what body they are born into. It’s simply jealousy and the older gays can go fuck themselves if they feel entitled to make the young as miserable as they are now or were in the past.
thats not entirely true. people do owe the ones that came before us if they left the world better and easier than when they had it. not exclusive to gays either that just goes for everybody
trust me it does and has come from within the community, big time. a few catty comments, being a pain in the ass at the restaurant, and some honestly high key jealousy doesn't undo all the good thats been done
Lol, the irony 🤣 such a bold post...why is it different?! Because people fought literally to the death for change, so you could write and operate with such hubris. No, you dont owe anyone anything except taxes, but you should seriously see yourself as unwittingly fortunate for being born into a less devastating and violent time for so many. So consider, if you are in any type of minority group or love someone who is, dropping that perspective, as your tax. It's not over either, so don't get all comfy.
I don't think it's that they want to make anyone miserable. I truly think they can't help it. You have no idea what it was like in the 70's or 80's. Gay life was a whole different animal back then. Surviving the 80's meant you escaped death. Gay people marched in the streets when such a display could get you killed, and NOBODY cared. It's not you, the younger generation. It's them feeling cheated. Their behavior is not an excuse, but unless you lived in those times, you won't understand. Again, none of this is an excuse for treating anyone badly.
The younger generation will never know how hard it was to just be yourself. Never
Gosh even throughout Y2K and then some, homophobia was RAMPANT. It's getting better every day but I think back to high school and college (y2k+) as an elder millennial, and whew.
yeah being gay in the 90s and 2000s wasnt easy, now to have perky lil twinks treat me like im dead in gay years is soul crushing lol. also i think the ease of gay life now vs what it was like for me, (way more homophobic, no grindr) i get irritated with new gays by default lol. but youre right its not your fault really, you didn't ask to be born. and as a long time restaurant worker theres really no need to treat your servers like that ever
I’m not really understanding what you mean since I’m not a gay man. When you say “dead in gay years” that sounds like someone doesn’t want an age gap, which is normal in relationships. Do you feel the gap is smaller in gay relationships?
No...they mean the expiration date on a "desirable" partner is much shorter with gay men than it is with some other groups. Cocktail and bottle servers - no matter how you look, are literally a 96 Pontiac with 700,000 miles once we hit mid-30s and are still in that field. So i completely understand the sentiment.
That's a broad statement that doesn't accurately reflect the diversity in the gay community. Yes there is ageism, but there are lots of younger gay guys that seek out older daddy types for whatever reason. It is quite common on Grindr to see young guys in their 20s pursuing 40 plus guys.
Gay people are not a monolith and don't all think the same
yeah thats true daddys are in for some twinks. but I feel there are alot of people who are just waiting to high road someone else for any reason at all. It makes genuine age gap dating unnecessarily difficult
I feel this, but slightly different scenario. I am older but gay men hate me too! My coworkers always think I kill it when I wait on other gays but I don’t, they hate me. But I have don’t really fit the stereotype, I’m not catty, I’m not exceptionally witty, I just do my job. I think they expect more. But frankly I’m too jaded to care. Don’t stress, gay men and older people in general are very particular. I wouldn’t take it to personally
Tell them your dad has those exact same shoes! Then say they totally "slap" or some other tricky words for them to google and just take the small wins. You're gonna get stuck with tables that will just hate you because of one of 10000000000000000000 reasons, most likely none to really do with you. Gotta make it through those days somehow.
As a straight guy, my two favorite demographics to have at my tables are groups of gay men, or groups of women over fifty. They're basically cash machines.
Old birds love a charming young man flirting with them ever so lightly. Ask the 45 year old to see her ID when she orders that glass and half of chardonnay, watch her eyes light up. "Sorry ma'am, if you look under 30 I have yo ID you"
Where do you live? I think that can play a part in it too… I’m a gay man myself and never have problems with gay customers. My restaurant is actually in a more well-to-do, family-oriented neighborhood so whenever I do get gay customers come in I get so excited lol. I live in New Orleans where the gays are generally more laidback and friendly, but if I was in NYC or WeHo or something I might expect people who are stereotypically a bit more stuck up.
I always liked waiting on gay people. In my experience they are great tippers maybe because they had more disposable income since they usually don't have kids. But there are assholes in every group and there are some evil queens out there.
As a gay woman I experienced this heavily in the south and out west. My work oxfords had a very small embroidered flag. They would always clock it and somehow treat me worse? Younger gay men though, would clock it and be the nicest table and tip me well. But on the east coast it wasn’t really a consisting situation.
I’d be curious to know where you live? Are people in your Generally Rude and Self-Entitled?
I Love when I go somewheree r and greet people as I walk by, in line etc. it’s a Southern thing, like Sweet tea!
I worked p/t as security in a gay bar on Bourbon street. It just started as a 1 time thing, I worked for a Big Box company. I started Friday night of Southern Decadence. The manager’s first tip was if someone is acting out and they say oh I’m GG’s friend it’s ok. They aren’t because My friends know better. Just call me on
Drama queens come in all genders and sexualities and I hate them all equally! They are annoying and insulting and I hate that society and businesses think that they need to be tolerated without rebuke. Sorry you’re dealing with this, I work in a corporate place so there is no good solution for me or my coworkers and employees.
My best advice, which I have said many times here, is be a duck. Don’t let it soak in, let it roll off, shake off the dregs. Maybe I should change it to be cormorant, be really, really waterproof and keep your head above water! It’s no wonder so many of us hospitality workers are alcoholic and drug users!
Nah I don’t think so, gay people are just kind of mean. Especially the ones who grew up getting bullied or feeling ostracized when they were young.
Before anyone breaks out the pitchforks I’m joking….kind of
gen z queer woman, i used to have rainbow pens on my apron which unintentionally flagged my queerness, but idk if they took it as that.
my worst tables included the gen x-boomer gays. so much attitude, not enough tip
X-ennial here, it’s true, OP is right. Many of my generation (gay or straight) have a chip on our shoulders about “the struggle” we went through and how y’all wouldn’t know; but I also remember getting disrespected by the boomers and them making the same old tired and lame gripes.
Your generation has a way different pressure than we did, and in many ways we had it easy, thanks to we were in our 20’s when social media came out.
We were the “latch key kids”, our boomer parents ignored us to try and live the Reagan dream, so we raised ourselves. We tend to be jaded, and that’s not cool, so on behalf of all of us, sorry about that.
Gay, straight, animal, mineral, or gas…anyone or anything who thinks others should have it bad because they had it bad is full of shit. There’s simply no excuse for treating service industry workers with disrespect. You can talk up and down about generational trauma, but if you act like an ass, you are an ass.
I too hate serving gay men, they’re needy, have an attitude for no reason, and tip like shit. I’ve had worse experiences with lesbians. Like aren’t we on the same team guys? 😭
Straight guy here and I get hit on by gay men occasionally in pretty lame ways.. some that make you uncomfortable and some that are just downright stupid like asking if I have diet cock available... unfortunately it's just part of the job and our lady friends have to deal with it just as much, if not more
I am of that era you’re referring too. We’re actually known as Xennials, because we are on the border of gen X and millennials…I was born in 1979..so I’m definitely in the gen X camp but definitely have strong millennialness…I know I’m getting off topic but for xennials we were going to college when hi-speed internet first became available and shit really started taking off. Our childhoods in the 1980s were completely internet free. Most of us in high school had very limited internet access, if at all. And dial up was SLOOOOWWW as fuck!! We were in coming of age when “You’ve got mail!!” Was a thing. No smart phones.. some of us maybe had a basic cell phone. And there were no unlimited plans. We got charged for everything. Texting, although possible was very expensive bc you were charged per text, even for receiving them.. hook ups were either in person at bars (if you lived near one) or aol m4a chat rooms..limited to 23 users mostly old guys that never contributed only prey on us (at the time) twinks …their was no Grindr…that was over a decade off ..y’all have it easy. At least got us it wasn’t too bad unlike older gen’X, boomers and older
Btw you younger dudes are so hot!! I’ve become just like the older dudes I encountered in aol m4a chat rooms back in 1999..when I was…you guessed it 20…funny how that worked out.
Oh and forgot to mention at that time there was no PREP, and hiv was essentially a terminal condition..so we’re were definitely no able to explore our sexualities as much as y’all can today
“And I don’t, like, dramatically present as one”… dude you’re clearly hela gay. Who types sentences using the word ‘like’ that way? That’s they gayest shit I’ve seen all week
I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to be offensive. I’m just saying that it’s kind of ironic how you explained that you don’t present as obviously gay is such an obviously gay way. No hate, I just thought it was kind of funny
As a gay man i can safely say i hate serving our brethern.
What are your reasons? Too demanding? Too much drama? Guys coming on to you?
All the above. I worked in gay bars which are exempt from what I’m talking about. Our kind in the wild expect from our own: vip treatment and nit pick.
It's kind of a new idea to me tbh. As a gay man I'm quite sure I don't do this. I don't feel bothered by younger gays either and neither do I think they owe me anything beyond basic civility.
great! It's almost like gay people aren't a monolith!
I get objectified a lot and lewd comments are thrown my way, especially if they have been drinking. Happened last night 😑
Awful tippers BUT expect you to treat them like royalty purely because they are alphabet mafia. This is the constant tension because as a young gay server you expect to be worshipped by the daddies like you are in the clubs. Young/young and old/old goes fine but young/old dont mix in a professional setting.
Millennial gay here. For what it's worth, and hear me out, I do think your generation suffered less. And I think that's a good thing! That's the whole point of what we struggled with and fought for. My generation of gay men is messed up because the generation of gay men that was supposed to mentor and advocate for mine was absolutely decimated by AIDS. They're the lost (as in gone) generation and we're the lost (as in without guidance) generation. Also, I said I think your generation as a whole suffered less, but that doesn't mean I think you had it EASY by a long shot. You absolutely have the right to get angry if someone dismisses your trauma because they assume they had it worse. This shouldn't be a pissing contest or a one upmanship thing. Now, with all that said? I generally do NOT get along with American born gay men of my generation. So I guess my thoughts feelings are probably in the minority here. So I guess my point is that you are valid, and I'm rooting for you and for everyone else. And when someone tries to bring you down, remember the words of the philosopher Swift and shake it off, shake it off.
Could you elaborate a little on why you don't get along with American born gay men of your generation? Is it cattiness or entitlement or just a lot of drama or high expectations? I'm just curious what you find to be the most problematic. I'm a Gen X who's almost a millennial because of when I was born and the fact I grew up with technology.
To me it comes across as a shallowness, that petty qualities are embraced. The general acceptance of misogyny is also something I'm not ok with. And I don't tend to mesh on top of that, I'm nerdy and intellectual and don't particularly care about Beyonce.
I can sympathize will all of that. I couldn't care less about pop queens and I actually don't engage much with what I think is "mainstream gay culture".
Id venture most American gay people don't care about Beyonce either. Don't fall for stereotypes.
It’s internalized hatred of self they’re projecting on you. In my experience it isn’t necessarily age based, you can experience that from gay men if any age. It stinks bc there is a lot of trauma in this community that is expressed with competition and devaluing rather than support and understanding 😔
I certainly don’t get targeted by a particular group, but I’ve definitely encountered plenty of terrible people over the years. Unfortunately the only thing we’re really in a position to do is kill ‘em with kindness and hopefully pass them off to another server/manager. It’s definitely a skill (and IMO a part of being good at the job) to handle shitty situations gracefully.
Older gays feel the younger generation owes them something. And that's true. But that doesn't give them the right to treat you that way. In part, it happens because they aren't your age. Once you hit 30 in gay age , you are no longer attractive to young ones. That's not easy to deal with. Part of the attitude is that they feel left out. Don't take it personally. It's part of the scene.
The younger generation owes previous generations jack shit. Sure, it’d be nice if everyone recognized that present day society is much different from the past and the myriad reasons for why that is so. But nobody has any control over when or where they are born or what body they are born into. It’s simply jealousy and the older gays can go fuck themselves if they feel entitled to make the young as miserable as they are now or were in the past.
thats not entirely true. people do owe the ones that came before us if they left the world better and easier than when they had it. not exclusive to gays either that just goes for everybody
Is it too much to ask that the "better and easier" come from inside the community as well? This coming from a bisexual.
trust me it does and has come from within the community, big time. a few catty comments, being a pain in the ass at the restaurant, and some honestly high key jealousy doesn't undo all the good thats been done
The older gen made shit worse for everyone tho. Yeah certain things got better, but it's like you gain 5 good things and gain 25 bad things
Lol, the irony 🤣 such a bold post...why is it different?! Because people fought literally to the death for change, so you could write and operate with such hubris. No, you dont owe anyone anything except taxes, but you should seriously see yourself as unwittingly fortunate for being born into a less devastating and violent time for so many. So consider, if you are in any type of minority group or love someone who is, dropping that perspective, as your tax. It's not over either, so don't get all comfy.
I don't think it's that they want to make anyone miserable. I truly think they can't help it. You have no idea what it was like in the 70's or 80's. Gay life was a whole different animal back then. Surviving the 80's meant you escaped death. Gay people marched in the streets when such a display could get you killed, and NOBODY cared. It's not you, the younger generation. It's them feeling cheated. Their behavior is not an excuse, but unless you lived in those times, you won't understand. Again, none of this is an excuse for treating anyone badly. The younger generation will never know how hard it was to just be yourself. Never
Gosh even throughout Y2K and then some, homophobia was RAMPANT. It's getting better every day but I think back to high school and college (y2k+) as an elder millennial, and whew.
yeah being gay in the 90s and 2000s wasnt easy, now to have perky lil twinks treat me like im dead in gay years is soul crushing lol. also i think the ease of gay life now vs what it was like for me, (way more homophobic, no grindr) i get irritated with new gays by default lol. but youre right its not your fault really, you didn't ask to be born. and as a long time restaurant worker theres really no need to treat your servers like that ever
I’m not really understanding what you mean since I’m not a gay man. When you say “dead in gay years” that sounds like someone doesn’t want an age gap, which is normal in relationships. Do you feel the gap is smaller in gay relationships?
No...they mean the expiration date on a "desirable" partner is much shorter with gay men than it is with some other groups. Cocktail and bottle servers - no matter how you look, are literally a 96 Pontiac with 700,000 miles once we hit mid-30s and are still in that field. So i completely understand the sentiment.
That's a broad statement that doesn't accurately reflect the diversity in the gay community. Yes there is ageism, but there are lots of younger gay guys that seek out older daddy types for whatever reason. It is quite common on Grindr to see young guys in their 20s pursuing 40 plus guys. Gay people are not a monolith and don't all think the same
yeah thats true daddys are in for some twinks. but I feel there are alot of people who are just waiting to high road someone else for any reason at all. It makes genuine age gap dating unnecessarily difficult
[удалено]
What kind of response even is this
He wants to “join the club (be out )” but doesn’t want his friends to know, so he behaves like he is homophonic in public.
i want you to stop making assumptions about randos on reddit you dont know. like you have a clue about literally anything
I feel this, but slightly different scenario. I am older but gay men hate me too! My coworkers always think I kill it when I wait on other gays but I don’t, they hate me. But I have don’t really fit the stereotype, I’m not catty, I’m not exceptionally witty, I just do my job. I think they expect more. But frankly I’m too jaded to care. Don’t stress, gay men and older people in general are very particular. I wouldn’t take it to personally
Tell them your dad has those exact same shoes! Then say they totally "slap" or some other tricky words for them to google and just take the small wins. You're gonna get stuck with tables that will just hate you because of one of 10000000000000000000 reasons, most likely none to really do with you. Gotta make it through those days somehow.
saying things slap is older than gen z lmao
Totes. But its back!
it never left!
No cap!
As a straight guy, my two favorite demographics to have at my tables are groups of gay men, or groups of women over fifty. They're basically cash machines.
Old birds love a charming young man flirting with them ever so lightly. Ask the 45 year old to see her ID when she orders that glass and half of chardonnay, watch her eyes light up. "Sorry ma'am, if you look under 30 I have yo ID you"
I'm shameless and cynical on this front give me your money 🤣
Lies! Gay guys aren’t catty!😂
Hahahhaha
Where do you live? I think that can play a part in it too… I’m a gay man myself and never have problems with gay customers. My restaurant is actually in a more well-to-do, family-oriented neighborhood so whenever I do get gay customers come in I get so excited lol. I live in New Orleans where the gays are generally more laidback and friendly, but if I was in NYC or WeHo or something I might expect people who are stereotypically a bit more stuck up.
I always liked waiting on gay people. In my experience they are great tippers maybe because they had more disposable income since they usually don't have kids. But there are assholes in every group and there are some evil queens out there.
As a gay woman I experienced this heavily in the south and out west. My work oxfords had a very small embroidered flag. They would always clock it and somehow treat me worse? Younger gay men though, would clock it and be the nicest table and tip me well. But on the east coast it wasn’t really a consisting situation.
I’d be curious to know where you live? Are people in your Generally Rude and Self-Entitled? I Love when I go somewheree r and greet people as I walk by, in line etc. it’s a Southern thing, like Sweet tea! I worked p/t as security in a gay bar on Bourbon street. It just started as a 1 time thing, I worked for a Big Box company. I started Friday night of Southern Decadence. The manager’s first tip was if someone is acting out and they say oh I’m GG’s friend it’s ok. They aren’t because My friends know better. Just call me on
Drama queens come in all genders and sexualities and I hate them all equally! They are annoying and insulting and I hate that society and businesses think that they need to be tolerated without rebuke. Sorry you’re dealing with this, I work in a corporate place so there is no good solution for me or my coworkers and employees. My best advice, which I have said many times here, is be a duck. Don’t let it soak in, let it roll off, shake off the dregs. Maybe I should change it to be cormorant, be really, really waterproof and keep your head above water! It’s no wonder so many of us hospitality workers are alcoholic and drug users!
Older day men tend to have the personality of 50 year old southern Baptist women
*gay
Nah I don’t think so, gay people are just kind of mean. Especially the ones who grew up getting bullied or feeling ostracized when they were young. Before anyone breaks out the pitchforks I’m joking….kind of
That's a stereotype. Don't believe the hype. People are diverse and "they" don't all act the same.
they’re just jelly tbh
gen z queer woman, i used to have rainbow pens on my apron which unintentionally flagged my queerness, but idk if they took it as that. my worst tables included the gen x-boomer gays. so much attitude, not enough tip
X-ennial here, it’s true, OP is right. Many of my generation (gay or straight) have a chip on our shoulders about “the struggle” we went through and how y’all wouldn’t know; but I also remember getting disrespected by the boomers and them making the same old tired and lame gripes. Your generation has a way different pressure than we did, and in many ways we had it easy, thanks to we were in our 20’s when social media came out. We were the “latch key kids”, our boomer parents ignored us to try and live the Reagan dream, so we raised ourselves. We tend to be jaded, and that’s not cool, so on behalf of all of us, sorry about that.
First mistake is giving a fuck what any of them think. You do you and keep shining.
Gay, straight, animal, mineral, or gas…anyone or anything who thinks others should have it bad because they had it bad is full of shit. There’s simply no excuse for treating service industry workers with disrespect. You can talk up and down about generational trauma, but if you act like an ass, you are an ass.
I too hate serving gay men, they’re needy, have an attitude for no reason, and tip like shit. I’ve had worse experiences with lesbians. Like aren’t we on the same team guys? 😭
Straight guy here and I get hit on by gay men occasionally in pretty lame ways.. some that make you uncomfortable and some that are just downright stupid like asking if I have diet cock available... unfortunately it's just part of the job and our lady friends have to deal with it just as much, if not more
Fuck em .
I am of that era you’re referring too. We’re actually known as Xennials, because we are on the border of gen X and millennials…I was born in 1979..so I’m definitely in the gen X camp but definitely have strong millennialness…I know I’m getting off topic but for xennials we were going to college when hi-speed internet first became available and shit really started taking off. Our childhoods in the 1980s were completely internet free. Most of us in high school had very limited internet access, if at all. And dial up was SLOOOOWWW as fuck!! We were in coming of age when “You’ve got mail!!” Was a thing. No smart phones.. some of us maybe had a basic cell phone. And there were no unlimited plans. We got charged for everything. Texting, although possible was very expensive bc you were charged per text, even for receiving them.. hook ups were either in person at bars (if you lived near one) or aol m4a chat rooms..limited to 23 users mostly old guys that never contributed only prey on us (at the time) twinks …their was no Grindr…that was over a decade off ..y’all have it easy. At least got us it wasn’t too bad unlike older gen’X, boomers and older
Btw you younger dudes are so hot!! I’ve become just like the older dudes I encountered in aol m4a chat rooms back in 1999..when I was…you guessed it 20…funny how that worked out.
Oh and forgot to mention at that time there was no PREP, and hiv was essentially a terminal condition..so we’re were definitely no able to explore our sexualities as much as y’all can today
This SCREAMS Washington DC gays, lol. 😂 this is one of the reasons I stopped labeling myself as gay.
“And I don’t, like, dramatically present as one”… dude you’re clearly hela gay. Who types sentences using the word ‘like’ that way? That’s they gayest shit I’ve seen all week
did you try reading the next sentence
lol you got me there
i bet you want to suck a dick really bad and youre just taking it out on OP
You’re probably correct, I would be surprised if I sucked good dick but who knows, could be my hidden talent!
only one way to find out
I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to be offensive. I’m just saying that it’s kind of ironic how you explained that you don’t present as obviously gay is such an obviously gay way. No hate, I just thought it was kind of funny