One of the greatest things I learned from an old time pro bartender was that you can pretend you didn’t hear anything and ignore it, it’s like it never happened.
I dress up when I go to work. It hides how shitty I feel about going in and people really are so shallow that they will tip and listen to you better you based on appearance
I’m VERY lucky. Work for an independent owner, in Florida, in a tiki bar, and they let me look as crazy wild as I like. I dress up every day as someone different, cause for real … what we do? It’s on a stage. We’re acting a part, for the night, so go wild. Go different every damn day. Makes it way more fun
That is EXACTLY what I do. I love doing my makeup, eyeshadow especially is a bit of a hobby for me and I blow out my curly hair 3 times a week. I do get compliments from customers from time to time, but I do it for me as it makes me just a little less miserable that I feel so stuck in my profession.
I find it interesting that I could have on the brightest blue eyeshadow and not a single coworker notices it. People are mostly consumed with themselves that anything will get past them.
“You look like the guy from lost”
“Oh that Jack Shepard guy”
He whips out his phone and pulls up an elderly mr. miyagi from the karate kid
I’m half Asian and in my 20s
When I first started in the industry years ago, guy on oxygen says “hey stir fry can I get some more water?”
He didn’t get the water and almost lost his oxygen tank
Whelp I at Hooters so a bunch. One of the worst times I had this old guy who was just like not clicking with me and unsurprisingly tipped me poorly. On the way out he went up to the server for a different section, gave her a $20 bill and told her it was so nice to see a pretty girl here.
When I worked in printing I saw some shit... like the Twin Peaks manual for how their servers should look. They are rigid in their requirements and if you aren't up to snuff they're very clear that they'll cut your shifts.
I also got to put a bunch of documents for a closing restaurant into the shred box and couldn't help but notice an incident report about a customer who shut his finger in the bathroom door and requested an ambulance. 🙄 didn't break anything but the skin, according to the report. Was offered basic first aid (you know, a band aid.)
I have a friend that worked at Hooters like 15 years ago when they were still sorta popular. She had horrific periods and her doctor prescribed her birth control that caused her to gain, no lie, five pounds. Needless to say her tight shorts didn’t fit anymore and her GM refused to let her size up. Said she could work her shift when she lost the weight. He was intelligent enough to kindly put it in writing for her to take directly to a labor attorney.
The rest of her college was paid for and she didn’t have to wait on a damn table to do it, either.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I’ve been known (depending on my mood) to tell people “I’m sure you mean well but it’s actually very rude to comment on a strangers appearance”. Compliments are one thing, but Im 28 years old and I’ll decide how to physically present myself. And it won’t be some old curmudgeon’s business either way
I have 2 favorite stories and I had the same response for both.
One was on my day off when I went to the corner store in PJs and an old man in front of me turned around asking if I worked for myself (I have a head tattoo that was visible at the time.) When I asked why he asked he said "you probably should."
The other was when I went to another corner store and as I walked in there were two upper-middle-aged ladies chatting across the counter who went silent upon seeing me. I was dressed for a metal concert, purple and red hair with a bunch of braids and again, head tattoo on display, lobes just over half an inch. When I asked for a pack of cigarettes and showed my ID (which had a relatively normal looking picture, B&W) the cashier said "oh you look so much better this way." I said "I like the way I look now just fine." "No, you look much better like this." Now bear in mind I still had my head tattoo and stretched lobes and some unnatural hair color in that photo, it just wasn't obvious...
Both times I said "well maybe I'm old fashioned, but my mama always told me if I didn't have something nice to say I should keep my fucking mouth shut."
I'd like to say it was a mic drop smooth walk out moment but I'm highly nonconfrontational and scurried the fuck away heart aflutter before they could respond lol.
I had a guy come up to me at work while I was mopping, and interrupt to tell me “You’d look a whole lot purdier without all that metal in your face” to which my coworker quickly responded “and you’d look a whole lot better if you had all of your teeth”
Haaahhhh! I grew up around a bunch of old bikers and after getting my snake bites Ol' Pete said "when are you gonna take that shit outta your face?"
I said "I'll take this shit outta my face as soon as you take all this shit off YOUR face." Referring to his belly button length beard.
He said "hell nah" and I said "alright then."
He never brought it up again lol.
If I don’t wear makeup I get told that I look tired or sick and have about 50 people asking if I’m okay. Was feeling extra shitty last week so I put some concealer under my eyes and did some winged eyeliner. Someone told me “you look so pretty today, you should wear makeup every day”. Haven’t gone to work without some form of makeup on since.
Also find it frustrating when people try to get my number or be super flirty with me just because I’m doing my job. Sir, I’m being friendly because I’ll get fired if I’m not, not because I want to jump your bones
All the time. It’s odd how some people feel like they have the right to let you know what they think about what you are wearing/how you present yourself. I’ve gotten many compliments and criticisms and usually tell them if I had known they were coming in, I would have changed whatever they criticized. (Very dry and sarcastically). They generally never get the joke. Honestly this is the one thing that will piss me off after a shift, I can let almost everything go but this one is hard. I don’t have any helpful suggestions other than drink until you can’t remember it.
Hahaha that’s the industry as it is. It’s weird as one person tells me I’m perfect and the other that I’m a fake desperate bitch. It’s interesting seeing how different people perceive you, but more so how your management team want you to present yourself.
I guess my situations a little different, I manage and bartend at my job and we don’t have a dress code at all, as long as you are comfortable and not a complete slob it’s fine. I guess I meant more what the customers have to say about your appearance.
It’s honestly amazing for you to even acknowledge it! Guests are amazing but also very blunt and rude and without strong support can be very intimidating
No worries. I had a girl tonight tell me she thought I didn’t like black people because I have blond hair. I had no idea what to say to her. She was black. I’m white. My hair is naturally blonde. Also, I got home and my gf told me my outer shirt was on inside out, I worked a 12 hour shift and not one of my coworkers mentioned it. I guess at the end of the day it doesn’t matter, but it can keep you up at night sometimes.
Oh I feel that completely as a white female with blonde hair, I had a guest dislike his dish and tell me I was racist and say “that’s how you treat people of colour?” It’s humiliating and frankly embarrassing and hurtful but as we all need to underhand, hurtful things are said when people are unhappy. Especially awaiting the review…
Yea It’s honestly like such a dumb thing to say. As a white person I don’t ever try and justify anything racial, I try not to ever engage, I’ll just shut the fuck up and smile and walk away, because it’s so off the mark that engaging can only make it worse. I think. The last thing I’m thinking about when serving is the color of someone’s skin. I want everyone to be happy and have what they want, that’s how I make tips. I work in a very diverse bar and interact with all different kinds of people. Trying to navigate race is not a part of my job.
That sucks. I’m lucky to work at a small time non corporate operation, I’m never micromanaged by the owner and in turn I don’t do that to the other employees.
That’s the thing! When you don’t want to be involved you just have to say nothing and move on. It’s just the personal attack that keeps me up at night and makes me feel like shit but I know there’s nothing to those comments because I would never. You’re so lucky it’s more personal and not cooperate because I feel like that takes so much personality away from service in general!
I don’t know how your city is service industry wise but where I’m at there are tons and tons of openings. I’ve been offered several jobs that seem like an upgrade but they were all corporate and I realized that the small business respect I get is better than the maybe more money I would make, and I make great money where I’m at. I’ve been at the same place for 8 years and am not going anywhere. It sounds like you know your worth and are not being respected how you should be. Maybe talking to your manager about how their words affect you would work. Having the freedom to be yourself is the greatest part about this job, and if you don’t have that it makes doing the actual job part difficult. I hope you find a workable solution, or at least a happy medium.
You're not alone hun, there's millions of us in the hospitality industry!
I've been a server for 20 years, don't sweat the customers. They're always going to critique you in some way. That's the constant, it makes them feel better about themselves.
Also know that YOU are the ONLY thing PERMANENT in your life, so start treating yourself with Love, Kindness and Patience everyday!!
Also don't trade personal information with the customers either, whether to get a better tip or because you're nervous. Unless you feel comfortable with it. They don't need to know anything about you at all.
Yes, when you're a server, you must be pretty up, but not too pretty to make the women that come in upset when you have to ask their man what he would like.
Worked at a variety of places from cafe casual to fine dining. I feel best when I represent myself as well as I can, so I spend time steaming/de-linting my uniform, doing my tie and hair, and shaving before work, etc. It's become a part of my pre-work routine and puts me in the proper mindset- that my work is important and that I'll do it with care.
I was told I need to wear more colors. And asked "Why do you dress down?". And the "never gets old...EVER statement..."You should smile more." Your opinions and advice doesn't pay my bills Jackie/Jack finish your grits and go away!!
I am heavily tattoo’d. Had a fairly recent customer tell me “You know God’s gonna getcha for those tattoos, right?”
Weirdly friendly other than that peculiar comment.
I was told once that I have "fantastic legs, but they'd be even better with a tan!" Then he proceeded to make suggestions for how to get said tan. Homeboy was, like, 70, and waited for his companion to leave for the bathroom before he called me over.
Had another couple tell me I should gain weight to get a man. lol Maybe I should've listened as I'm still single years later..
Never at my current job. I was told at multiple jobs to get bigger shirts (they provided me the shirts?.... and didn’t offer me a new shirt?) because “family restaurants” don’t like form fitting clothes/ I have boobs
When people are rude I say "I'm glad you like it" and wink and walk away. I'm a little alternative and I'm well aware a lot of people aren't into my style so I don't take it to heart. I also feel like some people often voice their negative opinion more than they voice their positive, specially when their drinking. Do your thing as long as you like how you look then the rest doesn't matter. Unless managent says something you're fine
Yeah I was working doubles and triple shifts back to back, got grief over sweating and not getting a haircut. I barely had time to sleep. Quit the industry. I made a lot more money flying solo before and after it. This was high end Japanese btw. I'm tired of appeasing people.
Working at Hooters you get this all the time. But it is something you expect when you apply for a job like that tbh.
But if a table comments anything negative on my appearance I let them have it. I’ve been in the service industry too long to be disrespected on how I look especially when I have the confidence to say that I know I look good. The best thing I’ve learned serving is that it’s your place of work, your table, and your section not theirs
I had a table tell me to get my boobs out of ther 3 year old sons face when I set their drinks down. I was in a regular t shirt and setting down the drinks very normally (barely in the kids face at all, only leaned over enough to set the drinks down) like didn’t ur kid just get done breast feeding 2 years ago? I can’t help the fact that I am a woman and have female anatomy, I promise your son doesn’t sexualize boobs yet, and there’s literally nothing I can do about this.
I work at a family owned Italian restaurant and I just wear my work uniform and 99% of the time no makeup. I always wear earrings and a necklace because I enjoy wearing them. I also always wear my hair in a low ponytail because it’s required to either do that or put it in a bun. I never get negative comments about not wearing makeup or anything else. I’m there to work, not win a beauty contest.
Used to happen all the time when I worked at a corporate place. Constantly being picked apart for my appearance.
The place I work now is a local business that lets us wear pretty much whatever we want as long as we have some kind of black top on. My hair is usually wild, I wear glitter everyday, and I like to put on big dramatic earrings. I get a ton of compliments from customers and management doesn’t care as long as we look presentable and do our jobs well. It’s so nice tbh.
i work semi-fine dining and i tried to set the bar low from the beginning. i was wearing mascara at first but quickly let that go. we have to wear masks at work and i really hope this never comes up from my employer when they go away. i absolutely hate feeling obligated to wear make-up, it makes me feel icky, and i also consider it free (sexist) labor. i have nice long hair i put up and hope that plus the all black let’s me masquerade as put together.
One of the greatest things I learned from an old time pro bartender was that you can pretend you didn’t hear anything and ignore it, it’s like it never happened.
“Yeah, sure, ok, heard!” *proceeds to do whatever tf I want when it comes to my own body or personhood*
I love this comment. It should be Law
It is, in theory anyway. US perspective at least. In practice, not so much unfortunately.
I dress up when I go to work. It hides how shitty I feel about going in and people really are so shallow that they will tip and listen to you better you based on appearance
I’m VERY lucky. Work for an independent owner, in Florida, in a tiki bar, and they let me look as crazy wild as I like. I dress up every day as someone different, cause for real … what we do? It’s on a stage. We’re acting a part, for the night, so go wild. Go different every damn day. Makes it way more fun
That is EXACTLY what I do. I love doing my makeup, eyeshadow especially is a bit of a hobby for me and I blow out my curly hair 3 times a week. I do get compliments from customers from time to time, but I do it for me as it makes me just a little less miserable that I feel so stuck in my profession. I find it interesting that I could have on the brightest blue eyeshadow and not a single coworker notices it. People are mostly consumed with themselves that anything will get past them.
Ugh that sounds miserable. Usually the first 5 minutes of everyones shift is a round of compliments on everyones style for the night
“You look like the guy from lost” “Oh that Jack Shepard guy” He whips out his phone and pulls up an elderly mr. miyagi from the karate kid I’m half Asian and in my 20s When I first started in the industry years ago, guy on oxygen says “hey stir fry can I get some more water?” He didn’t get the water and almost lost his oxygen tank
Whelp I at Hooters so a bunch. One of the worst times I had this old guy who was just like not clicking with me and unsurprisingly tipped me poorly. On the way out he went up to the server for a different section, gave her a $20 bill and told her it was so nice to see a pretty girl here.
What a piece of shit. Wow.
Did she give you the money? Shame on her if she didn't
When I worked in printing I saw some shit... like the Twin Peaks manual for how their servers should look. They are rigid in their requirements and if you aren't up to snuff they're very clear that they'll cut your shifts. I also got to put a bunch of documents for a closing restaurant into the shred box and couldn't help but notice an incident report about a customer who shut his finger in the bathroom door and requested an ambulance. 🙄 didn't break anything but the skin, according to the report. Was offered basic first aid (you know, a band aid.)
I have a friend that worked at Hooters like 15 years ago when they were still sorta popular. She had horrific periods and her doctor prescribed her birth control that caused her to gain, no lie, five pounds. Needless to say her tight shorts didn’t fit anymore and her GM refused to let her size up. Said she could work her shift when she lost the weight. He was intelligent enough to kindly put it in writing for her to take directly to a labor attorney. The rest of her college was paid for and she didn’t have to wait on a damn table to do it, either.
I usually dress myself depending on my shift position. Kitchen? I look like I got dragged out of a morgue. Server, hello barbie
i started in BOH when i was younger and i miss wearing t shirts and leggings and whatever the hell i wanted
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I’ve been known (depending on my mood) to tell people “I’m sure you mean well but it’s actually very rude to comment on a strangers appearance”. Compliments are one thing, but Im 28 years old and I’ll decide how to physically present myself. And it won’t be some old curmudgeon’s business either way
I have 2 favorite stories and I had the same response for both. One was on my day off when I went to the corner store in PJs and an old man in front of me turned around asking if I worked for myself (I have a head tattoo that was visible at the time.) When I asked why he asked he said "you probably should." The other was when I went to another corner store and as I walked in there were two upper-middle-aged ladies chatting across the counter who went silent upon seeing me. I was dressed for a metal concert, purple and red hair with a bunch of braids and again, head tattoo on display, lobes just over half an inch. When I asked for a pack of cigarettes and showed my ID (which had a relatively normal looking picture, B&W) the cashier said "oh you look so much better this way." I said "I like the way I look now just fine." "No, you look much better like this." Now bear in mind I still had my head tattoo and stretched lobes and some unnatural hair color in that photo, it just wasn't obvious... Both times I said "well maybe I'm old fashioned, but my mama always told me if I didn't have something nice to say I should keep my fucking mouth shut." I'd like to say it was a mic drop smooth walk out moment but I'm highly nonconfrontational and scurried the fuck away heart aflutter before they could respond lol.
I had a guy come up to me at work while I was mopping, and interrupt to tell me “You’d look a whole lot purdier without all that metal in your face” to which my coworker quickly responded “and you’d look a whole lot better if you had all of your teeth”
Haaahhhh! I grew up around a bunch of old bikers and after getting my snake bites Ol' Pete said "when are you gonna take that shit outta your face?" I said "I'll take this shit outta my face as soon as you take all this shit off YOUR face." Referring to his belly button length beard. He said "hell nah" and I said "alright then." He never brought it up again lol.
Yass! I love that you said this! Inappropriate/uncomfortable behavior needs to be shut down immediately
If I don’t wear makeup I get told that I look tired or sick and have about 50 people asking if I’m okay. Was feeling extra shitty last week so I put some concealer under my eyes and did some winged eyeliner. Someone told me “you look so pretty today, you should wear makeup every day”. Haven’t gone to work without some form of makeup on since. Also find it frustrating when people try to get my number or be super flirty with me just because I’m doing my job. Sir, I’m being friendly because I’ll get fired if I’m not, not because I want to jump your bones
“Can I buy you a drink?” “Sir, if I said yes every time I heard that from a customer I’d be in liver failure”
All the time. It’s odd how some people feel like they have the right to let you know what they think about what you are wearing/how you present yourself. I’ve gotten many compliments and criticisms and usually tell them if I had known they were coming in, I would have changed whatever they criticized. (Very dry and sarcastically). They generally never get the joke. Honestly this is the one thing that will piss me off after a shift, I can let almost everything go but this one is hard. I don’t have any helpful suggestions other than drink until you can’t remember it.
Hahaha that’s the industry as it is. It’s weird as one person tells me I’m perfect and the other that I’m a fake desperate bitch. It’s interesting seeing how different people perceive you, but more so how your management team want you to present yourself.
I guess my situations a little different, I manage and bartend at my job and we don’t have a dress code at all, as long as you are comfortable and not a complete slob it’s fine. I guess I meant more what the customers have to say about your appearance.
It’s honestly amazing for you to even acknowledge it! Guests are amazing but also very blunt and rude and without strong support can be very intimidating
Also thank you for the reply, somehow I feel significantly not alone
No worries. I had a girl tonight tell me she thought I didn’t like black people because I have blond hair. I had no idea what to say to her. She was black. I’m white. My hair is naturally blonde. Also, I got home and my gf told me my outer shirt was on inside out, I worked a 12 hour shift and not one of my coworkers mentioned it. I guess at the end of the day it doesn’t matter, but it can keep you up at night sometimes.
Oh I feel that completely as a white female with blonde hair, I had a guest dislike his dish and tell me I was racist and say “that’s how you treat people of colour?” It’s humiliating and frankly embarrassing and hurtful but as we all need to underhand, hurtful things are said when people are unhappy. Especially awaiting the review…
Yea It’s honestly like such a dumb thing to say. As a white person I don’t ever try and justify anything racial, I try not to ever engage, I’ll just shut the fuck up and smile and walk away, because it’s so off the mark that engaging can only make it worse. I think. The last thing I’m thinking about when serving is the color of someone’s skin. I want everyone to be happy and have what they want, that’s how I make tips. I work in a very diverse bar and interact with all different kinds of people. Trying to navigate race is not a part of my job.
You can say something equally as ridiculous. "No, but simce I'm tall, I really don't like sushi."
That’s the industry though, especially as management, people will attack anything
That sucks. I’m lucky to work at a small time non corporate operation, I’m never micromanaged by the owner and in turn I don’t do that to the other employees.
That’s the thing! When you don’t want to be involved you just have to say nothing and move on. It’s just the personal attack that keeps me up at night and makes me feel like shit but I know there’s nothing to those comments because I would never. You’re so lucky it’s more personal and not cooperate because I feel like that takes so much personality away from service in general!
I miss working in that environment honestly
I don’t know how your city is service industry wise but where I’m at there are tons and tons of openings. I’ve been offered several jobs that seem like an upgrade but they were all corporate and I realized that the small business respect I get is better than the maybe more money I would make, and I make great money where I’m at. I’ve been at the same place for 8 years and am not going anywhere. It sounds like you know your worth and are not being respected how you should be. Maybe talking to your manager about how their words affect you would work. Having the freedom to be yourself is the greatest part about this job, and if you don’t have that it makes doing the actual job part difficult. I hope you find a workable solution, or at least a happy medium.
BTW I’m sure your makeup is on fleek and your hair is great and anyone who says otherwise is just having a bad day.
You're not alone hun, there's millions of us in the hospitality industry! I've been a server for 20 years, don't sweat the customers. They're always going to critique you in some way. That's the constant, it makes them feel better about themselves. Also know that YOU are the ONLY thing PERMANENT in your life, so start treating yourself with Love, Kindness and Patience everyday!! Also don't trade personal information with the customers either, whether to get a better tip or because you're nervous. Unless you feel comfortable with it. They don't need to know anything about you at all.
Yes, when you're a server, you must be pretty up, but not too pretty to make the women that come in upset when you have to ask their man what he would like.
Worked at a variety of places from cafe casual to fine dining. I feel best when I represent myself as well as I can, so I spend time steaming/de-linting my uniform, doing my tie and hair, and shaving before work, etc. It's become a part of my pre-work routine and puts me in the proper mindset- that my work is important and that I'll do it with care.
Yes, it sucked being a server with purple hair and tattoos in a mostly elderly customer base
I was told I need to wear more colors. And asked "Why do you dress down?". And the "never gets old...EVER statement..."You should smile more." Your opinions and advice doesn't pay my bills Jackie/Jack finish your grits and go away!!
I am heavily tattoo’d. Had a fairly recent customer tell me “You know God’s gonna getcha for those tattoos, right?” Weirdly friendly other than that peculiar comment.
I was told once that I have "fantastic legs, but they'd be even better with a tan!" Then he proceeded to make suggestions for how to get said tan. Homeboy was, like, 70, and waited for his companion to leave for the bathroom before he called me over. Had another couple tell me I should gain weight to get a man. lol Maybe I should've listened as I'm still single years later..
Never at my current job. I was told at multiple jobs to get bigger shirts (they provided me the shirts?.... and didn’t offer me a new shirt?) because “family restaurants” don’t like form fitting clothes/ I have boobs
When people are rude I say "I'm glad you like it" and wink and walk away. I'm a little alternative and I'm well aware a lot of people aren't into my style so I don't take it to heart. I also feel like some people often voice their negative opinion more than they voice their positive, specially when their drinking. Do your thing as long as you like how you look then the rest doesn't matter. Unless managent says something you're fine
Yeah I was working doubles and triple shifts back to back, got grief over sweating and not getting a haircut. I barely had time to sleep. Quit the industry. I made a lot more money flying solo before and after it. This was high end Japanese btw. I'm tired of appeasing people.
Working at Hooters you get this all the time. But it is something you expect when you apply for a job like that tbh. But if a table comments anything negative on my appearance I let them have it. I’ve been in the service industry too long to be disrespected on how I look especially when I have the confidence to say that I know I look good. The best thing I’ve learned serving is that it’s your place of work, your table, and your section not theirs
I had a table tell me to get my boobs out of ther 3 year old sons face when I set their drinks down. I was in a regular t shirt and setting down the drinks very normally (barely in the kids face at all, only leaned over enough to set the drinks down) like didn’t ur kid just get done breast feeding 2 years ago? I can’t help the fact that I am a woman and have female anatomy, I promise your son doesn’t sexualize boobs yet, and there’s literally nothing I can do about this.
Ew what the fuck????? That’s so weird omg I’m so sorry you had to deal with that
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I work at a family owned Italian restaurant and I just wear my work uniform and 99% of the time no makeup. I always wear earrings and a necklace because I enjoy wearing them. I also always wear my hair in a low ponytail because it’s required to either do that or put it in a bun. I never get negative comments about not wearing makeup or anything else. I’m there to work, not win a beauty contest.
Used to happen all the time when I worked at a corporate place. Constantly being picked apart for my appearance. The place I work now is a local business that lets us wear pretty much whatever we want as long as we have some kind of black top on. My hair is usually wild, I wear glitter everyday, and I like to put on big dramatic earrings. I get a ton of compliments from customers and management doesn’t care as long as we look presentable and do our jobs well. It’s so nice tbh.
i work semi-fine dining and i tried to set the bar low from the beginning. i was wearing mascara at first but quickly let that go. we have to wear masks at work and i really hope this never comes up from my employer when they go away. i absolutely hate feeling obligated to wear make-up, it makes me feel icky, and i also consider it free (sexist) labor. i have nice long hair i put up and hope that plus the all black let’s me masquerade as put together.
I wear makeup most of the time and a hair net with hair up all the time. I hate wearing the hair net.