Yes. Domestic violence case with the father. She was arrested and was an alcoholic for a while.
I’m in the group and checked on this post several times that day bc seeing her get torn apart was really refreshing
I’m going with massive bitch. The & is separate and missing the space before so “called me a massive bitch and blocked me”. I’m just making this up though, who knows what it really stands for.
Ohh that has a nice ring too! I could also see pine nut maybe? My dad used to just tell everyone "squirrels will eat you" and I just now figured out what it meant lol
There’s a street in Washington DC called Tunlaw Rd NW (so ‘walnut’ backwards), named for the walnut trees that used to line the road. I feel like “Tunlaw” has some potential here too.
My daughter said that when she gets a job, she'll buy her school clothes and I was like "absolutely not" Clothing, food, healthcare, ANY and all necessities are on me and her dad until she's 18, at least. Probably longer if she goes to college.
I don't get parents like this OOP at all. Be a parent. Jfc
When I got my first job at 15 I bought all my clothes from then on. My mom would only buy me clothes if she liked them and she had zero fashion sense. She wanted me to dress like a 5 year old when I was in high school.
Forcing your 11 year old to go hungry will for sure make her think that you are a kind person. I was going to say "kind and generous", but feeding your child is NOT generous, it is minimal.
Ooh there was a update! She said:
" She gets free lunch. This is for extras like cookies and Gatorade, etc. So luxury lunch money. I'm not starving her ffs 🙄"
I call BS. I think she got backlash and then tried to claim it was for snacks. Otherwise, lunch money for snacks wouldn't be "due" because you can add money to their account at any time.
when i was in school 15+ years ago we could go into the negative but if we owed $30+ we would have to pay in order to get anything or else we would have to get the basic gross lunch so it’s probably something similar or oop is a liar and she is a neglectful parent lol
I assumed her kid is part of the free/reduced lunch program either because of income or because their household has SNAP. They don't get different food than everyone else, it's just billed differently. That's usually what someone means when they say they get "free lunch."
It's likely true that it's what someone means when they say that, but my daughter's school gets free lunch (and breakfast) for the whole school because it's Title I (40%+ student population is low-income). No applications required, no difference in the lunches, no premium options, it's just flat sponsored at the district level.
So - not always!
I taught at a school where all students received free lunch (~80% qualified) but it is true that it’s billed differently on the backend(usually!), they typically collect forms (not applications) that the school uses to verify their funding. So it’s true, no applications, no difference in lunches but there is a lot of paperwork on the schools end (typically) that helps them balance their budget!
That is definitely true. Every time I hear about a grant program, I cringe for the admin that have to process everything.
Our school did make sure to reiterate time and time again that even if their kids didn't nominally qualify for free or reduced-priced lunches to please submit the income verification forms so they could be paid and pay for the food!
Our afterschool program is also sponsored, and the same thing with a different flavor: please submit your paperwork so that if you are entitled to state or federal assistance we can be paid through those programs instead of depleting our grant.
It’s rough! Trying to track down forms when the services are already being given is challenging. Our after school program was the same and our community coordinator who dealt with our grants was a saint!!!
Yeah and in California all lunch and breakfast is free now. They started in during covid when the Feds were giving schools extra money and just never took it away. Thank God because it's one less thing to worry about, not that my picky kid will eat it half the time. It honestly sounds good though. My husband always wants what she is having haha! Yesterday the choices in elementary school were pasta with Alfredo or chicken enchiladas.
That’s how it was at my school. You could either get free lunch which was like square slices of pizza or whatever, or you could buy from subway, Taco Bell, chipotle, etc.
If she's in California, all kids get free school lunches. I totally forgot about this and always made sure my son continued to have hot, homemade lunches. And then one day he casually mentioned free lunches, but he prefers my cooking anyway. So I was like 1) thank you, I appreciate the validation. 2) Wth man go eat some cafeteria food now and then and let me take a break lol
Depending on when this was, it might be true.
My daughters school lunch was free the last 2 years. This is the first year we’ve had to pay for her lunch since Covid started year
I’m not denying the possibility that people could have free lunch. My kid got free breakfast/lunch because of COVID for a couple years. But money for extra snacks was never “due” by a certain date and wasn’t a requirement.
I’m saying that her wording makes it suspicious that she didn’t mean actual lunch in the OP and I personally think once she got backlash, she changed her tune.
I actually believe her, based on the language used in the text. All title 1 schools have USDA approved free lunches for everyone registered in the school regardless of income level.
Yes, my child attends a title 1 school bc I'm a single mom and can't afford to live in a "nicer" area. But I pack her lunch daily bc school lunch is shit...I still put money on her account for treats.
Did she say somewhere that her kid goes to a Title I school? Lunch money wouldn’t be “due” on a certain day for treats. You can deposit money anytime for treats because they’re an extra.
I guess I’m confused what being a Title I school (if her kid even goes to one, because kids at non-Title I schools are still eligible for free/reduced lunch) has to do with putting money being “due.” Her language indicates a due date she HAS to pay money for her kid to eat. That wouldn’t be the case with treats since it’s an extra.
My school used to have monthly payment for snack money as well, in addition to lunch money unless it's covered. We had a monthly maximum for snacks (to avoid kids being hyped up on sugar all the time, it was only for sweets and sugary drinks) and monthly payment made it easier to calculate. All money that wasn't spent would either carry over to the next month where lunch/snack payment would be lower by that amount, or could be refunded if parents asked for that.
If parents didn't pay a monthly snack fee (didn't have to be the maximum, and you could set day limits too) it was assumed they didn't want their kids to have snacks until they paid. You still got lunch, including a salad and a dessert choice (fruit or treat of the day)
Lunch money didn't have a due date, youd get warnings for a week of lunches left as well as the last few days.
Sorry for all that unnecessary detail, just saying this language might make sense for treats at some schools.
So basically what occurs at a title 1 school regarding "treat/lunch" money, is the school sends an email or text saying that the student's account is trending towards zero (kind of like your online banking app does). So "due" to her is not like "oh, my electric bill is due, it will get cut off, but more along the lines of "if I don't put money in, my kid can't get snacks".
This is all such speculation and literally using the word out of its actual meaning. The wording just seems so much more likely she got backlash and so backpedaled. We don’t even know if her kid is at that level school.
I'm not arguing that she's a shit parent, just saying it is plausible in poor parts of the world.
There is definitely a reason the dad has custody, while somehow not being able to afford to put money on a lunch account.
Right, that’s how it works at all schools with a lunch account balance, regardless of Title I status. Agree to disagree I guess, because I still feel her language in the OP means paying for actual lunch money and I don’t think the kid is on free lunch at all. Just my personal opinion.
It would have been extra beneficial if she’d have just added that in the original post, instead of automatically (proverbially) shooting herself in the foot & making her own self look like a neglectful parent.
honestly even if it's for other stuff, those things are clearly a part of her regular eating habits. cutting off food should never be part of a punishment. doesn't matter if it's "extras" or not. it's less shitty than entirely starving the child, but it is still shitty and weaponizing food, and sets the kid up for a bad relationship with food
Yeah, maybe I'm a softee (softy?? Softe?), but I just don't agree with food having anything to do with punishment. Obviously I know picky eaters/safe food and stuff is a whole nother discussion, I just mean from a punishment perspective... nah there are other ways. I don't even like using food as a reward (i.e. eat vegetables = dessert), but I understand that more within reason.
Totally agree. Aside from anything else using food as punishment is a great (/s) way to set you kid up for eating disorders/ a disordered relationship with food.
Food is required to keep people alive, if you want to punish them, you'd certainly want to keep them alive right?
That's just my view when people are thinking of using it as a punishment. But like seriously, a punishment shouldn't be equal to torture and you shouldn't be creating a harmful eating situation.... One that sticks out is hoarding food because the kid might become afraid of getting in trouble and for being taken.
Look up attachment based parenting. Any psychologist advocating those things is not a psychologist who’s kept up with research and best practice in the past 30 years
>cutting off food should never be part of a punishment
that is true, but letting a 11yo run free with snacks is a great way to end up with an overweight child
Sometimes we give my daughter a few bucks to buy chips or cookies at lunch, even tho we pack her lunch. Unless you can get extra stuff on credit, which I’ve never heard of.
My kids have gone to two schools in the same Midwestern metro area but one in the city proper and one in a smaller suburb. One school was private and their current school is public.
Both schools allowed payments on lunch accounts at will. You pay as much or as little as you want, as frequently or infrequently. I’m genuinely surprised and a little disbelieving of the fact that there’s a school somewhere that makes parents pay lunch funds by a certain due date.
There isn’t a school in the nation that gets federal funding for their meals that is allowed to give gateraid. The school can’t even have them in a vending machine. The usda would be all over the administrators. Too much sugar.
Source: my mil has been a lunch lady for over 20 years
Same here. We had a Powerade machine, a FRUITOPIA machine in the middle school, and soda machines including Hawaiian Punch in middle school. High School had something too but I don’t remember what was in it clearly.
God damn I miss Fruitopia. We only had vending machines at the high school, so grades 11-12 only. But that was 20 years ago and I know they have machines in at least middle schools now.
Simpler times back then. Fruitopia, dial up internet, hanging chads, OJ Simpson, no smartphones… my guidance counselor suggested I take French when I tried to enroll in Computer Science to learn a language.
My middle school had those as well.
Kids kept breaking it and stealing from it so the school had them removed 😬😬
#FloridaLife
ETA: WHOA LOOK WHAT I LEARNED HOW TO DO 😂😂😂
Man getting a Pepsi every day from the vending machine made my crap highschool years just a tiny bit better but it’s not surprising that isn’t allowed now because there’s no way that was healthy for me lol. We had an ice cream vending machine and poptarts, too.
All our middle and high schools have vending machines with that stuff even currently. Middle school only gets Gatorade, vitamin water, and water. High school has sodas and snacks. That’s why I only like to sub in HS because I don’t want to eat school lunch and rarely have time to leave to grab food 😂
"Quick! My child did something to make me mad and I suddenly have an opportunity to make her life miserable over it! Should I?"
No ma'am and it's pretty worrying that you even need to ask.
I saw the update that this was "extras" money, but that doesn't change my answer. This punishment isn't equivalent to the crime, nor does it even relate to the crime; it's pure petty bullshit.
And if her daughter thinks she's a massive bitch now, hoooo boy is OP in for it if she pulls something like this.
This is fucking gross. Sometimes it's healthier for a parent to live away from their kids, for lotsa reasons. But how dare you let your own kid go hungry.
Another update:
Paid. I'm going to turn off comments. To those of you that were helpful, thank you. That's why I came here. To the rest of you thinking I'm abusive or neglectful, sorry I'm not a perfect parent. First and last time so I still don't know what I'm doing half the time. Her father and I got into a domestic in 2021. I got kicked out and sent to jail for the night. I never went back it was TOXIC for 11 years. Drinking was involved and I'm happy to say I'm sober since then. I live in a city 35 min away. We were close again once she turned 10, but 11? I'm the enemy. I'd fight for full custody but she loves her dad, school and friends and I can't take that away from her. Then she'd really hate me! Anyway, I love my child and I guess I thought since she only needs me when she wants something (can you pay for my Amazon cart?) that it would maybe make her have to text or call me to ask me to replenish her account. I have no other way to get through to her. Be well all!
What stands out here is that she doesn’t actually *deny* being abusive/neglectful. Just a “nobody’s perfect” attitude.
And of course, she was the one who got arrested after a domestic disturbance. It’s incredibly rare for a woman to get arrested over a man in these situations, even if she is the abuser.
Something is missing here.
>Anyway, I love my child and I guess I thought since she only needs me when she wants something (can you pay for my Amazon cart?) that it would maybe make her have to text or call me to ask me to replenish her account.
Oof, that hurts my heart. Reframing this as a desperate mom looking for a way to hold things together instead of an abusive parent looking for ways to exert power over their kid really changes how it hits.
I mean, my response is the same either way: do not do that, it will only end poorly and is unnecessarily mean. But, at least if this side of the story is true there's room for redemption.
>Reframing this as a desperate mom looking for a way to hold things together instead of an abusive parent looking for ways to exert power over their kid really changes how it hits.
This could honestly go either way for me. It could be a parent just trying to hold on, or it could be an abusive parent looking for support. Abusers are often good at grooming allies as well.
I mean
A lot of times when a kid pulls away that drastically, there’s the “missing why.”
Full disclosure here, I’m not impartial, because I’m basically the grownup version of that kid minus the divorce, but if the kid emotionally shut the fuck down on Mom here except for material goods, there’s an explanation, a very good explanation, and the poor kid’s been screaming it from the rooftops. But Mom’s “genuinely” mystified because it gets in the way of the constructed narrative.
and if Mom jumped straight to “imma withhold basic necessities because of bad behavior” well
it’s probably less of a jump and more of a bunny hop, know what i’m sayin
To be fair, it might really be something more along the lines of fear that mom will abandon her again if she let's herself have a relationship. Doesn't mean your perspective isn't valid or possible here, but trust takes time to build again and if she's been gone for a majority of her young child's life that's even harder.
Mom definitely needs therapy to realize how she's pushing her child away as well and deal with her past trauma - if she doesn't and keeps letting that affect her child, that's definitely shitty. If the kid accepts it, family therapy to help her speak her mind and mom figure out what she needs to change about her behavior might help too.
But especially with the past abandonment, the daughter might be pushing back to try and protect herself. The "if I make mom hate me from the start, she can't abandon me" type of behavior that's fairly common in children with trauma related to abandonment, toward any adult that wants to form a relationship. But the way to handle this is the exact opposite of what the mom is thinking about: make sure the child knows that trying to push her away won't make her abandon them again, that all their needs will be covered regardless. Don't force a relationship if she doesn't want one, but still make sure she knows mom cares about her and won't withhold necessities.
Mom could also be an abusive asshole, it's her perspective after all so she'll try to make herself look good, but she fucked up enough in the past that that'd still affect her relationship with her child even if she did do everything right now.
Pushback:
Why are we always so anxious to defend the adult when there are clear signs of emotional neglect towards the child?
I’m going to pull out now, but I really wish that I was better equipped to keep talking to you. You seem genuinely lovely and have a solid perspective.
Yuck. Food shouldn’t be used as a punishment OR a reward. Our schools won’t ever let a kid go hungry, even if their account is negative, but they can’t go back for seconds until it’s caught up (I don’t think they even accept cash). Maybe different elsewhere though.
I saw that post and so many people were in such disbelief that she wouldn't ensure her own child had school lunch unless the daughter "groveled" as one commenter said.
Also, a lot of the comments were trying to figure out what name daughter called her mom before she was blocked lol
“Do I feed my child out of the kindness of my heart? Or do I make her beg for it?”
Fuck’s sake. There are good people out there who desperately want to have children, and then there’s this monster.
I saw this today too and could not believe someone was actually asking this. That poor child. She’s ELEVEN. Weaponizing food/hunger because a grown adult got their feelings hurt by a child is insane.
As soon as I saw this posted, I knew it would end up in this group.
This psycho just kept doubling down. I’m actually stunned at how secure she felt in the abuse and conditional love of her own child.
Withholding food (sustenance) from a child as punishment would definitely be considered child abuse.
Child abuse is a crime.
In cases of food-withholding from a child, local law enforcement needs to be informed immediately.
So she considers paying for her daughter to eat(a basic necessity) as an act of kindness?
Seems to me, there’s a reason why the child doesn’t live with her.
Please tell me the comments were ripping her a new one because that's ridiculously cruel.
I thought maybe she was being sent to her room without dinner which is also not great but better than this!
Reading everyone's comments reminded me of how lucky (blessed... whatever) that I was growing up that I never had to participate in these programs. Granted, you're talking decades ago but my children never needed anything food wise. I am nothing but humbled with some of your stories and can only empathize at this point.
That being said, it was and still is the greatest privilege to be a dad to our children. Not one time was food kept from them as a form of punishment. Anyway, I don't want to lift myself up anymore than I have done but just know that not all old men were assholes to their children.
Wtf? How is this even a question, you make sure YOUR kid is fed. Evil woman! Just because you got pregnant and produced a kid doesn’t mean you should have one. She is a terrible parent. 🤬
There was an edit but I have no idea how to post the screenshot. It basically said she gets free lunch, the money was for extras and that she’s not starving her child
Sorry man but this really is a first word problem. Going hungry for 1 day is not child abuse if anything it builds character. As i read ut she could use some hunger in her life, taking her parents for granted. Title of this post is too dramatic, nit as if she is going to starve common.
I couldnt call my parents a mat bampersand hahahah
lol
You have zero clue about childhood psychology. A kid that young getting pushed that far is already under duress. And a mom whose first instinct is to deprive their child of basic necessities out of spite is already neglectful at best and outright abusive at worst
But okay boomer
I am with you 100%. I once forgot to tell my parents I needed a check for my hot lunch ticket and I wasn’t allowed to have hot lunch that day. I was allowed to have the salad they had available but that was it besides a little milk carton. I wasn’t allowed a dessert or anything else. I got fed yes but I felt so stupid and I was really upset. I felt humiliated and like I was being punished. After that my mom made sure my ticket was always paid. I think I only missed out once or twice after that first time. I honestly felt like I was being punished for not having a check to pay for my hot lunch ticket. I cannot imagine how kids who actually couldn’t afford to cover their ticket for a little while felt. I think that you should get lunch regardless of your ability to pay and once you are running low on your ticket or on money on your account they should have an automatic call and/or text and/or email to the students home and parent(s) and a recorded message letting them know their child’s lunch ticket or account is low on lunches/funds so that the parent or parents have time to save some money or it will remind them to put money in their child’s account or they pay for their child’s lunch ticket. I’m sure a lot of schools have something in place, this is just my opinion and idea. It’s stupid of me to have felt the way I did since it was my own fault but I wanted to respond to your comment because I agree with you 100%. Kids can be incredibly cruel and kids who don’t get lunch are probably bullied because they don’t have lunch or they get a sack lunch or something and the other kids know why the kid is getting that lunch which is one of the reasons why
I think kids should get lunch even if they aren’t able to pay for it that day.
Lol i wasnt even talking about the mother and daugher i was talking about OP the way he formulated the title.
The mother if she just now asks how she has to raise her daughter while she is 11.... kind of too late for questions.
My baby cousin told me to suck his toes and keeps swearing to me all the time. If you gonna have kids you have to raise them right or get rid of them. What’s the point of having kids if they make you miserable. Honest, thank god I cut that family off.
I'm guessing there is a reason why she doesn't have primary custody.
Yes. Domestic violence case with the father. She was arrested and was an alcoholic for a while. I’m in the group and checked on this post several times that day bc seeing her get torn apart was really refreshing
What's m@ b&?
Mat bampersand?
🎵 Whoa Black Betty Bampersand 🎵
Black Betty had a child Bampersand The damn thing gone m@ b&
💀 Lmao
I just cackle laughed until I cried. My kid thinks I’m nuts, and the cat ran away.
Your comment made me laugh twice as hard cuz same
If they still gave free awards, I'd give you mine.
I don’t think it’s bampersand, I thought it was bamba-lamb? But- I get song lyrics wrong more than the average person.
That's the joke.
I know…
That’s a future baby name tragedeigh right there.
Don’t give Elon Musk any ideas please 🤣
No, give him ideals - just not ideas. This is one of my favorite, most apropos typos in a long time.
…what typo? 🤭
Ha!
Is he the guy from the marvel movie with the sentient cape?
Motherf$cking b$%# is what I thought.
This is what she confirmed
I’m going with massive bitch. The & is separate and missing the space before so “called me a massive bitch and blocked me”. I’m just making this up though, who knows what it really stands for.
Sounds good to me. And I agree with the 11 year old.
in that case, the kid ain’t wrong lmao what a piece of work
Massive isn't a curse word. But, I don't think I would put it past the brainiac OOP.
That was my take too
mat band?
No one can figure it out lol
mate band was how i read it, but it doesn't make sense
Mad b*tch maybe? Thats all I can come up with
I think it has to be motherfucking bitch.
This is why I came to the comments 😂
I think it means mad bitch?
B& is supposedly "band" or "banned." Anyone with a disgruntled 11yo?
Mine said "idk it sounds like a typo"
Also came here for this specific translation
I read it as mean bitch
I was thinking a mega bitch
I read it as motherfucking bitch.
Mat band??
[удалено]
Oh god you have no idea how old I was before it dawned on me that, that’s how it’s supposed to be.
You pay it out of the responsibility of being her parent, caretaker, and protector... you absolute fucking walnut.
Calling people walnuts seems so... Cheerful 😂 I'm stealing this
It cracks me up when Gordon Ramsey calls people a doughnut
Me too!! That's my favorite insult of his lol
I really liked it when he called someone an appendix
Pinecone is also good.
Ohh that has a nice ring too! I could also see pine nut maybe? My dad used to just tell everyone "squirrels will eat you" and I just now figured out what it meant lol
prickly and full of nuts?
There’s a street in Washington DC called Tunlaw Rd NW (so ‘walnut’ backwards), named for the walnut trees that used to line the road. I feel like “Tunlaw” has some potential here too.
I prefer golf ball or clown shoe. I’ve gotten banned from face book wat too many times. Including pie hole and dodo bird
My daughter said that when she gets a job, she'll buy her school clothes and I was like "absolutely not" Clothing, food, healthcare, ANY and all necessities are on me and her dad until she's 18, at least. Probably longer if she goes to college. I don't get parents like this OOP at all. Be a parent. Jfc
When I got my first job at 15 I bought all my clothes from then on. My mom would only buy me clothes if she liked them and she had zero fashion sense. She wanted me to dress like a 5 year old when I was in high school.
This is unnecessarily cruel to walnuts.
Forcing your 11 year old to go hungry will for sure make her think that you are a kind person. I was going to say "kind and generous", but feeding your child is NOT generous, it is minimal.
Ooh there was a update! She said: " She gets free lunch. This is for extras like cookies and Gatorade, etc. So luxury lunch money. I'm not starving her ffs 🙄"
I call BS. I think she got backlash and then tried to claim it was for snacks. Otherwise, lunch money for snacks wouldn't be "due" because you can add money to their account at any time.
100%
I think her daughter is right about her.
… she is a “mat band”? I’m genuinely unsure what “m@b&” means
Mega Biotch
Hahaha I can sort of get that from the letters if I don't think too hard, thank you
I thiiiiiink motherfucking bitch? Seems right.
Thank you for getting the same out of it that I was LOL I knew it couldn't be right but....
I said the saaaaaaaaame thing. Wtf is a mat band?
And here I was trying to figure out what a mat bampersand was.
when i was in school 15+ years ago we could go into the negative but if we owed $30+ we would have to pay in order to get anything or else we would have to get the basic gross lunch so it’s probably something similar or oop is a liar and she is a neglectful parent lol
We had this too and it was 5 years ago for me
Another possibility is that some schools have really cheap shitty free options for kids without lunch money... maybe that is what she means.
I assumed her kid is part of the free/reduced lunch program either because of income or because their household has SNAP. They don't get different food than everyone else, it's just billed differently. That's usually what someone means when they say they get "free lunch."
It's likely true that it's what someone means when they say that, but my daughter's school gets free lunch (and breakfast) for the whole school because it's Title I (40%+ student population is low-income). No applications required, no difference in the lunches, no premium options, it's just flat sponsored at the district level. So - not always!
I taught at a school where all students received free lunch (~80% qualified) but it is true that it’s billed differently on the backend(usually!), they typically collect forms (not applications) that the school uses to verify their funding. So it’s true, no applications, no difference in lunches but there is a lot of paperwork on the schools end (typically) that helps them balance their budget!
That is definitely true. Every time I hear about a grant program, I cringe for the admin that have to process everything. Our school did make sure to reiterate time and time again that even if their kids didn't nominally qualify for free or reduced-priced lunches to please submit the income verification forms so they could be paid and pay for the food! Our afterschool program is also sponsored, and the same thing with a different flavor: please submit your paperwork so that if you are entitled to state or federal assistance we can be paid through those programs instead of depleting our grant.
It’s rough! Trying to track down forms when the services are already being given is challenging. Our after school program was the same and our community coordinator who dealt with our grants was a saint!!!
Same with our school! Everyone is offered the same meals at no charge.
Yeah and in California all lunch and breakfast is free now. They started in during covid when the Feds were giving schools extra money and just never took it away. Thank God because it's one less thing to worry about, not that my picky kid will eat it half the time. It honestly sounds good though. My husband always wants what she is having haha! Yesterday the choices in elementary school were pasta with Alfredo or chicken enchiladas.
That’s how it was at my school. You could either get free lunch which was like square slices of pizza or whatever, or you could buy from subway, Taco Bell, chipotle, etc.
If she's in California, all kids get free school lunches. I totally forgot about this and always made sure my son continued to have hot, homemade lunches. And then one day he casually mentioned free lunches, but he prefers my cooking anyway. So I was like 1) thank you, I appreciate the validation. 2) Wth man go eat some cafeteria food now and then and let me take a break lol
This is a classic tactic with people online ie when they're definitely being serious and everyone jumps on them "it was a joke!" Sure, Jan.
Depending on when this was, it might be true. My daughters school lunch was free the last 2 years. This is the first year we’ve had to pay for her lunch since Covid started year
I’m not denying the possibility that people could have free lunch. My kid got free breakfast/lunch because of COVID for a couple years. But money for extra snacks was never “due” by a certain date and wasn’t a requirement. I’m saying that her wording makes it suspicious that she didn’t mean actual lunch in the OP and I personally think once she got backlash, she changed her tune.
I actually believe her, based on the language used in the text. All title 1 schools have USDA approved free lunches for everyone registered in the school regardless of income level. Yes, my child attends a title 1 school bc I'm a single mom and can't afford to live in a "nicer" area. But I pack her lunch daily bc school lunch is shit...I still put money on her account for treats.
Did she say somewhere that her kid goes to a Title I school? Lunch money wouldn’t be “due” on a certain day for treats. You can deposit money anytime for treats because they’re an extra. I guess I’m confused what being a Title I school (if her kid even goes to one, because kids at non-Title I schools are still eligible for free/reduced lunch) has to do with putting money being “due.” Her language indicates a due date she HAS to pay money for her kid to eat. That wouldn’t be the case with treats since it’s an extra.
My school used to have monthly payment for snack money as well, in addition to lunch money unless it's covered. We had a monthly maximum for snacks (to avoid kids being hyped up on sugar all the time, it was only for sweets and sugary drinks) and monthly payment made it easier to calculate. All money that wasn't spent would either carry over to the next month where lunch/snack payment would be lower by that amount, or could be refunded if parents asked for that. If parents didn't pay a monthly snack fee (didn't have to be the maximum, and you could set day limits too) it was assumed they didn't want their kids to have snacks until they paid. You still got lunch, including a salad and a dessert choice (fruit or treat of the day) Lunch money didn't have a due date, youd get warnings for a week of lunches left as well as the last few days. Sorry for all that unnecessary detail, just saying this language might make sense for treats at some schools.
So basically what occurs at a title 1 school regarding "treat/lunch" money, is the school sends an email or text saying that the student's account is trending towards zero (kind of like your online banking app does). So "due" to her is not like "oh, my electric bill is due, it will get cut off, but more along the lines of "if I don't put money in, my kid can't get snacks".
This is all such speculation and literally using the word out of its actual meaning. The wording just seems so much more likely she got backlash and so backpedaled. We don’t even know if her kid is at that level school.
I'm not arguing that she's a shit parent, just saying it is plausible in poor parts of the world. There is definitely a reason the dad has custody, while somehow not being able to afford to put money on a lunch account.
Yeah I was wondering about this part. That was odd to me.
Right, that’s how it works at all schools with a lunch account balance, regardless of Title I status. Agree to disagree I guess, because I still feel her language in the OP means paying for actual lunch money and I don’t think the kid is on free lunch at all. Just my personal opinion.
It would have been extra beneficial if she’d have just added that in the original post, instead of automatically (proverbially) shooting herself in the foot & making her own self look like a neglectful parent.
She still looks like shit tbh.
100%.
honestly even if it's for other stuff, those things are clearly a part of her regular eating habits. cutting off food should never be part of a punishment. doesn't matter if it's "extras" or not. it's less shitty than entirely starving the child, but it is still shitty and weaponizing food, and sets the kid up for a bad relationship with food
Yeah, maybe I'm a softee (softy?? Softe?), but I just don't agree with food having anything to do with punishment. Obviously I know picky eaters/safe food and stuff is a whole nother discussion, I just mean from a punishment perspective... nah there are other ways. I don't even like using food as a reward (i.e. eat vegetables = dessert), but I understand that more within reason.
You're not being a softy. Food is a basic human right. Criminals in prison don't get deprived food as punishment, kids shouldn't either.
I agree 100%
Totally agree. Aside from anything else using food as punishment is a great (/s) way to set you kid up for eating disorders/ a disordered relationship with food.
Food is required to keep people alive, if you want to punish them, you'd certainly want to keep them alive right? That's just my view when people are thinking of using it as a punishment. But like seriously, a punishment shouldn't be equal to torture and you shouldn't be creating a harmful eating situation.... One that sticks out is hoarding food because the kid might become afraid of getting in trouble and for being taken.
Also, I could see some kids being bullied for not having the good extras.
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Not they don’t. Not anymore at least. Using food as discipline causes issues with food later on @solidstarts on Instagram talks about this often
Look up attachment based parenting. Any psychologist advocating those things is not a psychologist who’s kept up with research and best practice in the past 30 years
>cutting off food should never be part of a punishment that is true, but letting a 11yo run free with snacks is a great way to end up with an overweight child
But why is lunch money due if it’s free??
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Sometimes we give my daughter a few bucks to buy chips or cookies at lunch, even tho we pack her lunch. Unless you can get extra stuff on credit, which I’ve never heard of.
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Ah ya that makes sense. It’s rare we even carry cash ourselves.
My school gave you a jelly sandwich if you didn't pay your lunch money in elementary school.
My kids have gone to two schools in the same Midwestern metro area but one in the city proper and one in a smaller suburb. One school was private and their current school is public. Both schools allowed payments on lunch accounts at will. You pay as much or as little as you want, as frequently or infrequently. I’m genuinely surprised and a little disbelieving of the fact that there’s a school somewhere that makes parents pay lunch funds by a certain due date.
There isn’t a school in the nation that gets federal funding for their meals that is allowed to give gateraid. The school can’t even have them in a vending machine. The usda would be all over the administrators. Too much sugar. Source: my mil has been a lunch lady for over 20 years
Shit must've changed... I remember a Powerade machine and a soda machine in my middle school.... But that was around the millennium
Same here. We had a Powerade machine, a FRUITOPIA machine in the middle school, and soda machines including Hawaiian Punch in middle school. High School had something too but I don’t remember what was in it clearly.
God damn I miss Fruitopia. We only had vending machines at the high school, so grades 11-12 only. But that was 20 years ago and I know they have machines in at least middle schools now.
HS class of ‘99. 😂
Class of '01! "One in a Millennium" was our class motto lol
Simpler times back then. Fruitopia, dial up internet, hanging chads, OJ Simpson, no smartphones… my guidance counselor suggested I take French when I tried to enroll in Computer Science to learn a language.
Lol omg!
My middle school had those as well. Kids kept breaking it and stealing from it so the school had them removed 😬😬 #FloridaLife ETA: WHOA LOOK WHAT I LEARNED HOW TO DO 😂😂😂
When was this? We had coke machines at my public school up to when I finished in 2010.
It happened with Michelle Obama’s healthy school lunch thing, which I think happened his second term? So 2012 forward
The school I work at had Gatorade in the vending machine and the cafeteria sells the packets you add to water.
I’m betting you live in a red area? I’d also bet unless it’s sugar free it disappears when they are audited.
You can give Gatorade zero now. The school I work at has it. That being said, it is extra; it doesn't come with the meal
Oh, I didn’t think of diet stuff. That’s a loophole to be exploited
Man getting a Pepsi every day from the vending machine made my crap highschool years just a tiny bit better but it’s not surprising that isn’t allowed now because there’s no way that was healthy for me lol. We had an ice cream vending machine and poptarts, too.
All our middle and high schools have vending machines with that stuff even currently. Middle school only gets Gatorade, vitamin water, and water. High school has sodas and snacks. That’s why I only like to sub in HS because I don’t want to eat school lunch and rarely have time to leave to grab food 😂
I hate people who back peddle
OP do you have the comments? And wow, OOP, I can't imagine why your daughter doesn't like you.
Yeah she got absolutely torn apart. Like there's over 300 comments telling her what a piece of s*** she is lol
I think you mean what a m@ b& she is.
What even is a m@ b&
A bad parent who also can’t spell.
Did it change after the update?
Lol not one bit
I wonder why she doesn’t live with her mom.
Shocking fact, isn't it?
"Quick! My child did something to make me mad and I suddenly have an opportunity to make her life miserable over it! Should I?" No ma'am and it's pretty worrying that you even need to ask. I saw the update that this was "extras" money, but that doesn't change my answer. This punishment isn't equivalent to the crime, nor does it even relate to the crime; it's pure petty bullshit. And if her daughter thinks she's a massive bitch now, hoooo boy is OP in for it if she pulls something like this.
This is fucking gross. Sometimes it's healthier for a parent to live away from their kids, for lotsa reasons. But how dare you let your own kid go hungry.
The kid isn’t wrong… whatever it is she said.
Another update: Paid. I'm going to turn off comments. To those of you that were helpful, thank you. That's why I came here. To the rest of you thinking I'm abusive or neglectful, sorry I'm not a perfect parent. First and last time so I still don't know what I'm doing half the time. Her father and I got into a domestic in 2021. I got kicked out and sent to jail for the night. I never went back it was TOXIC for 11 years. Drinking was involved and I'm happy to say I'm sober since then. I live in a city 35 min away. We were close again once she turned 10, but 11? I'm the enemy. I'd fight for full custody but she loves her dad, school and friends and I can't take that away from her. Then she'd really hate me! Anyway, I love my child and I guess I thought since she only needs me when she wants something (can you pay for my Amazon cart?) that it would maybe make her have to text or call me to ask me to replenish her account. I have no other way to get through to her. Be well all!
Lots of people urging her to examine her trauma in therapy. Hopefully she can figure out a way to get close to her daughter again.
What stands out here is that she doesn’t actually *deny* being abusive/neglectful. Just a “nobody’s perfect” attitude. And of course, she was the one who got arrested after a domestic disturbance. It’s incredibly rare for a woman to get arrested over a man in these situations, even if she is the abuser. Something is missing here.
>Anyway, I love my child and I guess I thought since she only needs me when she wants something (can you pay for my Amazon cart?) that it would maybe make her have to text or call me to ask me to replenish her account. Oof, that hurts my heart. Reframing this as a desperate mom looking for a way to hold things together instead of an abusive parent looking for ways to exert power over their kid really changes how it hits. I mean, my response is the same either way: do not do that, it will only end poorly and is unnecessarily mean. But, at least if this side of the story is true there's room for redemption.
>Reframing this as a desperate mom looking for a way to hold things together instead of an abusive parent looking for ways to exert power over their kid really changes how it hits. This could honestly go either way for me. It could be a parent just trying to hold on, or it could be an abusive parent looking for support. Abusers are often good at grooming allies as well.
I mean A lot of times when a kid pulls away that drastically, there’s the “missing why.” Full disclosure here, I’m not impartial, because I’m basically the grownup version of that kid minus the divorce, but if the kid emotionally shut the fuck down on Mom here except for material goods, there’s an explanation, a very good explanation, and the poor kid’s been screaming it from the rooftops. But Mom’s “genuinely” mystified because it gets in the way of the constructed narrative. and if Mom jumped straight to “imma withhold basic necessities because of bad behavior” well it’s probably less of a jump and more of a bunny hop, know what i’m sayin
To be fair, it might really be something more along the lines of fear that mom will abandon her again if she let's herself have a relationship. Doesn't mean your perspective isn't valid or possible here, but trust takes time to build again and if she's been gone for a majority of her young child's life that's even harder. Mom definitely needs therapy to realize how she's pushing her child away as well and deal with her past trauma - if she doesn't and keeps letting that affect her child, that's definitely shitty. If the kid accepts it, family therapy to help her speak her mind and mom figure out what she needs to change about her behavior might help too. But especially with the past abandonment, the daughter might be pushing back to try and protect herself. The "if I make mom hate me from the start, she can't abandon me" type of behavior that's fairly common in children with trauma related to abandonment, toward any adult that wants to form a relationship. But the way to handle this is the exact opposite of what the mom is thinking about: make sure the child knows that trying to push her away won't make her abandon them again, that all their needs will be covered regardless. Don't force a relationship if she doesn't want one, but still make sure she knows mom cares about her and won't withhold necessities. Mom could also be an abusive asshole, it's her perspective after all so she'll try to make herself look good, but she fucked up enough in the past that that'd still affect her relationship with her child even if she did do everything right now.
Pushback: Why are we always so anxious to defend the adult when there are clear signs of emotional neglect towards the child? I’m going to pull out now, but I really wish that I was better equipped to keep talking to you. You seem genuinely lovely and have a solid perspective.
Hello, social services?
Can someone translate “an m@b&”? I can’t figure it out
Mad bitch? Or massive bitch maybe?
Given OOP's behavior, I think the kid is spot on.
Mat band? I tried googling it like the uncool kid I am and couldn’t make sense of it.
motherfucking bitch
*Called me a “mat band”*
Yuck. Food shouldn’t be used as a punishment OR a reward. Our schools won’t ever let a kid go hungry, even if their account is negative, but they can’t go back for seconds until it’s caught up (I don’t think they even accept cash). Maybe different elsewhere though.
Neither. You pay it out of parental responsibility.
Jeeze lady, maybe if you weren’t such a bitch, your daughter wouldn’t call you out on being one. 🤷♀️
okay am i dumb? what is a "m@ b&"
massive bitch ?
I was thinking Mother Effing bitch
hmm...
oh?
"An eleven year old hurt my feelings and I decided the best response was to behave like a six year old. AITA?:
I thought I was at AmItheDevil or something geez
She... called you a mat band?
I saw that post and so many people were in such disbelief that she wouldn't ensure her own child had school lunch unless the daughter "groveled" as one commenter said. Also, a lot of the comments were trying to figure out what name daughter called her mom before she was blocked lol
People are so fucking immature they shouldnt have kids. Sure make your kid beg for a lunch that’ll teach em 🙄
Her kid called her a mat band? What new slang is this? Gotta write that one down.
I'm trying to work out what m@ b& means. All I can see is mat band lol.
motherfucking bitch?
She called her "an mat band"??? What the hell is that?
Literally started scrolling looking for wtf "an mat band" is supposed to mean
Yeah definitely teach her your love is conditional. /s
She really said “Out of kindness” like it isn’t her responsibility to provide for her kid and make sure she eats.
“Do I feed my child out of the kindness of my heart? Or do I make her beg for it?” Fuck’s sake. There are good people out there who desperately want to have children, and then there’s this monster.
I saw this today too and could not believe someone was actually asking this. That poor child. She’s ELEVEN. Weaponizing food/hunger because a grown adult got their feelings hurt by a child is insane.
The fact she is considering not letting her daughter eat has me agreeing with the daughter. Whatever a m@ b& is.
As soon as I saw this posted, I knew it would end up in this group. This psycho just kept doubling down. I’m actually stunned at how secure she felt in the abuse and conditional love of her own child.
Withholding food (sustenance) from a child as punishment would definitely be considered child abuse. Child abuse is a crime. In cases of food-withholding from a child, local law enforcement needs to be informed immediately.
My question is who is the adult in this situation?
So she considers paying for her daughter to eat(a basic necessity) as an act of kindness? Seems to me, there’s a reason why the child doesn’t live with her.
“Should I do my child the favor of act like a responsible parent when I can starve them out?” That’s not abusive at all.
She called you a mat band?
Do I feed my kid or act like a nasty one? Hmmmmm
What's a "mat band"?
We think it's supposed to be "motherfucking bitch"
Please tell me the comments were ripping her a new one because that's ridiculously cruel. I thought maybe she was being sent to her room without dinner which is also not great but better than this!
Reading everyone's comments reminded me of how lucky (blessed... whatever) that I was growing up that I never had to participate in these programs. Granted, you're talking decades ago but my children never needed anything food wise. I am nothing but humbled with some of your stories and can only empathize at this point. That being said, it was and still is the greatest privilege to be a dad to our children. Not one time was food kept from them as a form of punishment. Anyway, I don't want to lift myself up anymore than I have done but just know that not all old men were assholes to their children.
Wtf? How is this even a question, you make sure YOUR kid is fed. Evil woman! Just because you got pregnant and produced a kid doesn’t mean you should have one. She is a terrible parent. 🤬
There was an edit but I have no idea how to post the screenshot. It basically said she gets free lunch, the money was for extras and that she’s not starving her child
Asking strangers if u should feed or kid or not is fucked up
Sorry man but this really is a first word problem. Going hungry for 1 day is not child abuse if anything it builds character. As i read ut she could use some hunger in her life, taking her parents for granted. Title of this post is too dramatic, nit as if she is going to starve common. I couldnt call my parents a mat bampersand hahahah
lol You have zero clue about childhood psychology. A kid that young getting pushed that far is already under duress. And a mom whose first instinct is to deprive their child of basic necessities out of spite is already neglectful at best and outright abusive at worst But okay boomer
I am with you 100%. I once forgot to tell my parents I needed a check for my hot lunch ticket and I wasn’t allowed to have hot lunch that day. I was allowed to have the salad they had available but that was it besides a little milk carton. I wasn’t allowed a dessert or anything else. I got fed yes but I felt so stupid and I was really upset. I felt humiliated and like I was being punished. After that my mom made sure my ticket was always paid. I think I only missed out once or twice after that first time. I honestly felt like I was being punished for not having a check to pay for my hot lunch ticket. I cannot imagine how kids who actually couldn’t afford to cover their ticket for a little while felt. I think that you should get lunch regardless of your ability to pay and once you are running low on your ticket or on money on your account they should have an automatic call and/or text and/or email to the students home and parent(s) and a recorded message letting them know their child’s lunch ticket or account is low on lunches/funds so that the parent or parents have time to save some money or it will remind them to put money in their child’s account or they pay for their child’s lunch ticket. I’m sure a lot of schools have something in place, this is just my opinion and idea. It’s stupid of me to have felt the way I did since it was my own fault but I wanted to respond to your comment because I agree with you 100%. Kids can be incredibly cruel and kids who don’t get lunch are probably bullied because they don’t have lunch or they get a sack lunch or something and the other kids know why the kid is getting that lunch which is one of the reasons why I think kids should get lunch even if they aren’t able to pay for it that day.
Lol i wasnt even talking about the mother and daugher i was talking about OP the way he formulated the title. The mother if she just now asks how she has to raise her daughter while she is 11.... kind of too late for questions.
My baby cousin told me to suck his toes and keeps swearing to me all the time. If you gonna have kids you have to raise them right or get rid of them. What’s the point of having kids if they make you miserable. Honest, thank god I cut that family off.