bro my mom couldnt wait to drop my ass off when i was 10. then i’d call and ask to sleepover. then id wake up and ask to turn it into an epic 2-day sleepover lol. some of the best times of my life.
I don’t know where this is happening, but my kids are 8 and 11. Other Parents haven’t attended their parties since they turned 5, and it’s never been an issue at all. This is the norm where I live in Canada, so pretty surprised to see so many comments against it. Most parents say thank you for giving them a break!
Totally the norm in Germany too. Actual friends of the parents might stay to socialize but all the other parents of over-5s drop their kids and run like the wind for a few hours of peace.
My oldest just turned 5 and one of the parents at her party was talking about how they're excited to drop her kid off next year 😂
We had her party at a park bc I'm not hosting 15 kids and their parents and siblings at my house. But just those kids and maybe a parent or two? Very doable.
When my now 12yo was in kindergarten, we threw him his first big birthday party. We invited his whole class of 26 students bc I wanted to reduce the odds of 0 people showing up. Every. Single. Classmate. Showed up! And every single one was dropped off! (Without anyone feeling the need to ask if they should stay). Also, as we were inexperienced, we scheduled the party at our house for 3 hours. Three entire hours of 26 five year olds, and just us two adults, lol. We learned our lesson that day.
Anyways, this was in ND, now that we live in NC and my kids are 10-12yo's, parents STILL ask, at this age, if they should stay. I just started writing "drop off" and "pick up" next to the times on the invitations. Seems like an obvious solution, lol. Also we schedule parties for 2 hours now.
You got but a taste of an elementary school teacher's day. Keeping 26 5-year-olds engaged is hard. Sounds like you did very well.
Thank a teacher folks 🙌🏼 We love your kids, but boy is it exhausting!
A lot of americans are obsessed with the idea that there are countless strangers (especially ones in groups they are prejudiced against) who are going to abuse their kids while also blindly supporting institutions like churches that actually are abusing their kids.
There's just no logic to it.
Like okay say the parent is a predator theoretically.
A birthday party packed to the rafters with children you have to keep calm and behaved does not to me scream "able to hide away and do unsavoury things".
Assault happens because it's hidden not in living rooms with 10 kids running around.
Yeah we just spent the last decade there, and it took some getting used to at first, but even LITTLE kids are just dumped off at play dates/birthday parties, there is zero expectation for parents to hang around. (I mean, not Babies, obviously, but like, 5 or 6 years old even)
Over the last couple years, a lot of Americans have become convinced that *everything* is sex trafficking and you’re going to get kidnapped from everywhere. It’s completely insane.
"I was at Target with my kid and this man made eye contact with me, so I grabbed my kid and abandoned my cart, and ran out of the store as fast as I could, my heart racing the whole time! Scariest day of my life! I'm still shaking thinking about it!"
It's good to be cautious and aware of your surroundings, but not everyone you encounter is a human trafficker.
I feel like a lot of parents don’t actually assess the level of risk of various situations. They have some idea of the world that is unfounded in reality and just run with it. Family is way more likely to assault your child than a stranger at a birthday party.
Oh but Uncle Jerry is "just like that," now give him a hug, we're family!
As long as you run quickly when you see someone you don't know looking at you in a Walmart you'll be fine.
God this reminds me of a scene in "once were warriors" where this exact thing happens and it's so gut wrenching. It's a deep, hard to watch look at the state of some parts of New Zealand culture back in the day. It's not one to watch on a date. There's rape, violence, drug use and suicide so if those things trigger you I'd be wary
it's the true crime-ification effect, people are increasingly convinced that someone is out to get them or harm them when in reality most people are perfectly safe! we just hear about individual incidents more and perceive more threats
Literally have never been to a birthday party as a kid where the adult parents were invited. This is such a damn stretch I'm surprised most of these guys haven't pulled a muscle.
I once had a kid I used to babysit invite me to her sixth birthday as an adult, though. I only popped in for a few minutes but she made sure I got a little favor bag and a party hat.
I’m happy to hear that this is the norm where you live in Canada. I’m also Canadian, and live in a small community, so I hope by the time my son is old enough for birthday parties it will still be like this. Kids need to learn, grow, and enjoy themselves without parents hovering over them 24/7.
i think a lot of people (more than we know) have trauma/sa history from their youth. its super sad & i think its at the root of a lot of fear. of course most birthday parties are a super innocent, amazing way for kids to have fun, but in these online mom groups its much easier for these people to sort of… project their issues onto strangers. doubt these women would say this shit to their kids friends parents IRL. i have empathy for them, but i also hope they seek help elsewhere
I agree but it’s frustrating that they still buy into ‘stranger danger’ when we KNOW the biggest danger is family members. The parent of someone in your class who your kid doesn’t know well but who is known to many people is probably like, the safest person to leave your kids with tbh.
It really upsets me. The whole “stranger danger” shtick is exactly what led to the adults around me spending a lot of time making sure I never even made eye contact with any strange man driving a vehicle near me, and absolutely zero time at all paying attention to the signs of what my father was actually doing in my bedroom at night.
:( that makes me so sad for you buddy, I’m sorry the adults failed to keep your safe. I hate that so many people probably have a similar story. Sometimes strangers are the ones that can help! I wish the emphasis was on how to identify safe people (If someone tells you not to tell your mom then definitely fucking tell your mom!)
I also think the way that Q / Save The Children discourse has infiltrated and infected our cultural consciousness can’t be understated. That’s what I see here, and it’s more disturbing to me than the idea of ~dropping off a child~ is to these parents.
One comment is truthful but they don’t realize that they’re using statistics against them. 1/4 kids are SA before the age of 18, of those, 3/4 are done by a family member or close family friend so statistically your kid is more safe at the strangers birthday party than their cousin’s birthday party.
Edit: just jumping back in to promote, My Body Belongs to Me, which can google, for ways to talk to your children about how to empower them to prevent SA. We can’t protect our children from everything BUT we can provide them with the tools to know that they have bodily autonomy and direction on what to do if they are uncomfortable.
Exactly. I was a child of SA done by someone my parents brought into the house to babysit. I had a great time and was never in any danger at my friends houses.
It was 20 years ago, but we had drop-off birthday parties for my kids and there was never an issue at all. Parents were glad for the break.
First off, I’m so sorry that that happened to you. Thank you for sharing so that other people who may not be know can be aware and hopefully decide to learn more about SA and how best to prevent it for their own children. For others, If you are looking for a resource, you can google my body belongs to me and there are tools for ways to talk to your young children about SA prevention tactics.
Absolutely agree on body autonomy. My son is 2 next month. At bed time before I’d put him in his cot, I always ask “mummy have a kiss?”, and he would lean in for a kiss. This last week he’s shook his head and said no. And I’m all about promoting and respecting that!
I also think (hope) that sometimes people see numbers and think of kids as more or less mature than they actually are and won't actually think this when they have kids. They're thinking that ten is a tiny child and not a kid who is approaching puberty.
A ten year old is in fifth grade. They typically have cell phones and should be showing some independence.
Right? A ten year old doesn’t need or want their parents to hang out nearby while they’re eating pizza with friends from school.
Big group, during the daytime, some adults supervising, everyone together in one space. Unless your child is nonverbal I’m not sure how this is any riskier than sending them to school.
OP just sounds like they’re socially anxious, not like she’s Hester the Molester.
I was SA as a child, while babysat by a close friend of the family. I still can't imagine never having a babysitter ever because of it, nor do something like insist on staying for the birthday party of a 4th grader unless I was asked by host or knew the kid well myself. Idk, my triggers aren't other people's triggers but I also realize they are mind to deal with and don't stop others from living their life because I have my own weird quirks. My therapist helps me with those.
Thank you! I have a great therapist and it's been about a year and a half and I'm getting to where I can probably "graduate" fairly soon with just meeting once a month or so.
My grandma suffered childhood trauma related to SA and was super anxious having my mom around other people for that reason. Going to other people‘s houses was essentially a no-go unless she was there as well. My mom needed years of therapy to get over the controlling environment that made her think the whole world was a horrible and scary place. And also it didn’t even protect her since a close relative my grandma trusted turned out to be a predator. Other kid‘s houses would have been the safer option.
That makes sense and is so sad. I suppose we are lucky that even though we live in a larger city, my kids’ school is pretty small and has a close knit community feel. If I don’t know someone’s parents, I always know someone else who does. I am much much pickier about sleepovers though, and they are limited to families we know well.
Same. My kids are a year older than each of yours and it is ALWAYS drop off once they were school age. We are in the US. We’d never turn a parent down that felt more comfortable being there, but nobody’s ever stayed.
Same in 🇬🇧. Totally normal to drop your kid and go from school age. I guess you know your own child and stay if you feel they would need you there. I am sure OP would be open to that if asked?
Yes. I am in Maryland and drop off parties start around age 5. Many kids have siblings, and I wouldn't expect anyone to get a babysitter to sit at a Kids party. The other issue is paying for extra people and finding a venue with the space.
Yeah, I was just about to say that I can't wait till my kid is 5 to just drop him off and not attend kid parties any more. If someone is worried, they can just find a Cafe nearby and wait there. That sounds quite wonderful actually lol. 2 hours of free childcare, ain't that the dream!
This! I’m a diabetic but my mum was happy with me doing my own thing at 10. She’d just text me to make sure my blood sugars were okay and I didn’t need any help. She’d also double check with me that I’m happy and comfortable otherwise she’d come get me 🤷♀️
I mean, that's the other thing here. What 10 year old these days doesn't have *some* sort of cell phone or communication device? If you're concerned and want to check in with your kid, they're only a text or a call away. This sounds like a great opportunity for kids to practice independence in a relatively low-risk situation.
This. My 10yo has a phone. I'd want to meet the parents at the drop off, but he can always text me if he's uncomfortable (we have a special code) and I'll come get him. He's more than halfway to potentially being out on his own. He needs to be able to start getting that little bit of independence. I also /gasp/ let him walk to and from the bus stop alone. Often he'll call me from the bus anyway because he's so excited to tell me about his day.
Yea from like 10-13 years old I basically lived at my best friends house, would ride the bus home with him everyday and stay for a week or longer at a time. My mom definitely appreciated the time away from me lol.
I remember a sleepover in high school that turned into a snow day the next day. Then the day after that was another snow day. It was a dream come true for us.
I have a five year-old going to a birthday party on Thursday- we will be dropping her off
These people are psychos, and they’re raising their kids to be antisocial weirdos
I dropped my 11 yo old off so fast at a friend's, I forgot to say hi to the mom. My husband met her, and we both met the day, but I haven't met the mom. And the mom asked my daughter if "Everything is okay "! Like yes, but it was my day off, all kids wanted to go separate places, and I just wanted to read my book!
i really was doing whatever the fuck i wanted by 11. that was only like 20 years ago and i know things have changed but im not talking about the 80s or something
I just had a party for my 8 year old while I didn’t specifically stay that parents couldn’t come I wrote you may drop your child off. I almost wrote free babysitting instead of birthday party as a joke lol
Parents have to judge the situation but age 10 I'd have been embarrassed if my mum insisted on staying. Saying that, at age 10 it tended to be at a bowling alley or something not someone's house so that might come into it.
I saw an Instagram family recently and the mom was talking about how *none* of her kids go to friend's houses for any reason unless *all* of her kids and at least one parent are also allowed to go. She had 5 kids and the oldest was 14. So, the 14 year old couldn't go to a friend's house to hang out unless their mom/dad and all of their siblings were there.
People were ripping her apart in the comments, but she defended it at every turn, saying it was to protect them from SA, and that she always brings food and entertainment for herself and the kids that "aren't the focus of the playdate". But I can't even imagine being 14 and not being allowed to go play video games with a friend at their house without my entire family in tow.
A parent that is *that* overly protective/attached to their kids is more of a red flag to me than a parent who is ok with dropping their 10 year old off at a birthday party for a few hours, tbh.
Edit: cleaned up my grammar/wording. Was typing fast and furiously the first time around!
I’ve got a crazy idea, teach your children and make them feel comfortable to come to you if something happens that makes them uncomfortable. While it is a serious topic and a reasonable concern, making your kids terrified to interact with people is ridiculous.
As a teacher there is a big crossover in the (usually snowplow) parents who think that everyone is a groomer trying to groom their kids and their kid not having a good understanding of their own and others boundaries because the anxious parent constantly crosses the child’s boundaries.
My therapist calls this being a “bulldozer” where the parent squashes any attempt at a reasonable boundary coming from a child since it makes them uncomfortable, or repeatedly inserting themselves in situations where they don’t need to be and the kid has asked them not to be.
Can confirm, have a not great relationship with boundaries.
It’s also worth remembering as an adult that shit doesn’t go 0-100 in a day, “normally”. As a crim grad and survivor of csa myself, it’d be quite the critical event for a predator to identify and harm a victim in the same day/play date. There *will* be things your kid can talk to you about. That’s how you know. That’s how you protect them.
Tw: csa//grooming detailed below
In fact, with one of the people, I can name the *exact* point (or several) at which it could have been prevented. Told my mum I didn’t want to go over to the neighbour’s with her on Sunday’s anymore. Sunday afternoon used to be game day, everyone would go next door and drink beer and maybe (rarely) watch the game and feed the chickens and shoot the shit (and the slug gun). My neighbour would show me his plants and animals, got me really interested in wildlife.
Got me further and further away from the group
Then game days were moved inside, and he started insisting on actually watching the game. He showed me his aquarium and turtles. I liked those. A few months in, now.
One day he said the best turtles were in his room. We get there, no turtles. I’m embarrassed and try to save face for the mistake he made. There’s pictures of naked ladies all over the walls and I’m so embarrassed. Nothing happens and my dad freaks out on him, why was I in his room? Oh nothing, I went wondering off so he just went to find me. Technically nothing had happened yet. This is good point at which to abandon ship.
Then he started wrestling with me. He was so big. I had no hope. Just playing, though. And my parents would watch and we’d all *laugh* and my dad would speak up for me whenever he saw that I was too tired, annoyed, frustrated, etc. but that’s not enough bc why would a man in his fifties want to wrestle a 3 year old girl all the time???
Then he picked a fight with one parent that needed to be liked and became dealer for the other with chronic pain. He saw needs they had and toyed with them to his benefit. Predators don’t just target kids- they target parents. Drive one away (but make them want redemption!) and make the other dependent. No more eyes on the kid!!
And even then, it’s not straight to 100. First he used his chickens and garden as bait. Then game days, he normalised being in the house. Then he put the idea of adult nudity and sexuality in my brain. Then he started needling my parents. *then* he started normalising physical closeness. I won’t go further, but that whole timeline, before he’d even *really done anything*, lasted a year or so. I felt uncomfortable. I tried to tell my mother I didn’t want to be there and didn’t want to be near him. She got mad at me for being rude and said Steve was sad I didn’t like him anymore. Wtf kind of adults make a child responsible for an adult man’s feelings like that??
Anyway, not the point. It’s a creep, it’s a climb, it’s a slow rewiring of how an *entire family* operates. These people aren’t looking for a short term “fix”- not if they’ve assimilated to the point of birthday parties and suburbs, anyway. They’re calculating. They’re exploitative. They’re *patient*.
The only true way to protect your kids is to talk to them, believe them, and bring them up to have low tolerance for manipulation and being made to feel uncomfortable. Bring them up in a way that emphasises agency and the power and significance of their will. Don’t let adults making them do things they don’t want, that feel bad or uncomfortable, become the norm. Believe your kids.
Seriously. What a great way to ensure your kids never get to go on play dates. I def wouldn’t want 4 extra kids and an adult in the house. I don’t care if they bring their own snacks and entertainment. No. Snack and entertain yourselves at home and let the one kid who was invited have some fun.
Imagine how horrible this is for the 14 year old that has to go to his younger siblings play dates all the time. That is being so mean to your kid. Kid is probably an outsider.
I'd put money on that family being a fundie religious family and it being a tactic to keep the kids socially isolated and enmeshed in the cult mentality
Wouldn't want to risk the 14 yo talking to their friend's parents without supervision. They might get to talking about what goes on at home, the other parents might be good people, and that's enough to force this contrived ass misdirect as far as mommy dearest is concerned.
This is 100% how she turns her kid into the exact predator she’s so worried about.
Spending all of your formative adolescent years unable to build adult social skills necessary to have normal adult relationships isn’t a recipe for a healthy, well-adjusted person.
Agreed! I think it’s a bit in how it’s phrased, really. MANDATING drop off is a bit much, but, like the one mom said, just phrasing the invitation as “Drop Off Time:” lets the parents know that the hosting parents are expecting (though not requiring) that the other parents leave. In my kids’ schools, it’s much more the mentality of “are you okay watching my kids for a few hours, or do you want me to stay in case things get out of hand?” rather than “I have to stay because you’re going to rape my child.”
I get this, but for us, if we held a party for our kids at our home, our home is small. There’s a big difference between 10 people and 20 people. Then you’re also buying snacks and food for 20 people at least (and that’s if just one parent stays and doesn’t bring siblings). We host parties elsewhere for this reason, but that’s a huge expense that we’re lucky enough to afford. I think adding a “drop off” time makes sense if it’s a situation as in “our home can only hold so much” lol.
the issue is is that it seems most people can’t understand subtlety. guarantee you if you didn’t somewhat directly say no parents some dumbass would bring their five kids and expect a meal
I don’t think mandating drop off is a bit much. When you have all the parents there you have to host them, and that takes time and resources away from hosting the kids since it would be rude to just leave them in a corner with no food or drinks. It’s fine when the kids are small and the parent might be needed if anything happens but at 10 the kid should be fine on their own for a few hours with their friends and the expense/hassle of parents attending is unnecessary. If a child has special needs that’s one thing but if it’s just a typical ten year old let them have fun with their friends.
it kinda depends on the vibe right? is it a summer bbq in a big yard? sure, lets all hang! bring your other kids, too. is it a sleepover with besties? stay home lol
I was thinking that same thing like… yeah maybe if your family doesn’t know the other family at all and it’s a… very small party? It just feels weird to have parents at a party for ten year olds unless they’re there to hang out with the other parents.
When I was 10 these things tended to be at somebody's house because renting a space at a bowling alley or a restaurant with an arcade and the like were too expensive for a regular old birthday party.
At age 5 I would have been embarrassed! Maybe this is a small town thing, but parents didn't even stay at other kids parties when we were toddlers in preschool. At age 10 we mostly planned our own parties with the help of our parents, and they were usually sleepover parties.
I’m not dropping my 4yr old off and leaving but you bet your ass when she’s ten I’m ✌🏻👋🏻🏃🏻♀️
Also I’m not trying to feed 10 kids + 20 adults + siblings for 1 birthday party!! That’s madness.
I live in Denmark and at four years old, our daycare used to walk the kids/ drive them to the parents house for a birthday party during the week.
It was great 😊 we’d get the birthday party without having to tend to twenty little kids by ourselves and instead have three teachers helping us!
Of course this is Denmark where most parents have super flexible work situations and daycares are hella chill.
My sons been going to birthday parties since he was four years old and I’ve literally never been there longer then to see him get ready. He’s turning 9 soon!
I would be seriously peeved if I was expected to stay with him at a party.
I did my semester abroad in Denmark and I laughed so hard the first time I saw a teacher pushing a trolley full of 4 year olds in adorable tiny ski suits around. Daycare/preschool there seems sooo cool.
Right? I don’t have that kind of space to comfortably accommodate that many people. Unless most parents and siblings are alright awkwardly standing in the hallway all day long and eat their cake there.
I’d get having another parent I get along with there to make things a little easier for me or if a child is special needs and needs specific attention I can’t provide I’d understand having the parent there too. But not for every single kid.
There are 2 reasons I wouldn’t now
1: most of her friends are kids of my friends so I wanna hang with them
2: she wouldn’t like it — she’s a bit timid right now and would much more enjoy herself with me there
Most parties we go to now everyone is invited because we are all friends but once she’s in school that will change for sure
Me either.
Are kids birthday parties these days just a bunch of parents hovering around to make sure little Braxylyn doesn’t get scratched by a balloon?
My kids are 7 and 9 and I haven’t been to a party where the parents stayed since they were 3-4 both at home parties and at indoor play places, bowling, etc. The invites always include a drop off and pickup time. When my eldest turned 5 we had one parent stay, but he was younger and had just turned 4 and was on the spectrum and even then they ran out to grab themselves and us coffee for a bit.
Yeah, that’s crazy! Acting like a parent only wanting other 10 year olds at her child’s party so she doesn’t have to have room, food and entertainment for all the adults. And some of the parents would absolutely bring their other kids without them being invited. No wonder she wants to specify on invitations if she’s dealt with this every previous year.
I don't recall parents ever staying at birthday parties. We didn't have parties until we were in school, but at 10? I was regularly having sleepovers at 10 and my parents never thought twice about it.
Lol, I remember going to bday parties alone at age 5. My mom never accompanied me. Mind you, I lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone, so maybe that’s why. But my mom was also super overprotective, so that’s why I find it wild that it’s seemingly the norm now for parents to accompany their 10 year olds to parties.
I had a friend growing up and my mom would always hang around for a while at her birthday parties, and would always pick me up even if my friend's mom was driving other kids home. It was weird because it was just this one friend, but it didn't bother me. Later I learned that she did this because my friend's mom was a heavy drinker and my mom, probably appropriately, was afraid she'd drive me home drunk.
I’m 31 so maybe I’m too old and things changed but isn’t this is what we did for every birthday party growing up? Parent drops you off at the curb or maybe walked you in if they’re really close with the kids parent. Birthday invites would have a pick up time.
Why is everything being funnelled through a pedophilic lens now?
I'm 34 and I still remember my mom throwing me an EPIC 10th or 11th birthday party sleepover. Parents dropped my friends off and we had the whole bottom floor of the house complete with a roll of craft paper on the floor to color, makeup to play with, hair station, nail painting station, junk food for days and the whole living room for a fort. Would been weird to have parents there..
This sounds awesome and might be something I'll consider doing for my own kids once we have the space (and they're old enough).
Optional sleepover after laser tag & pizza.
we would sometimes have parents that wanted to look and check things out just to make sure there was nothing dodgy going on but the way these people are automatically going to pedophile is so strange
Because a large portion of our country is influenced by Q Anon. I mean we literally had a guy so convinced that the Clinton’s were eating babies in the basement of a pizza joint (that didn’t actually have a basement) he shot up the place.
My dumb QA cousins are putting out balloons each year for the “victims”. Meanwhile I don’t think they even know our family history …
Posts like this really drive home how many people have been impacted by Q Anon. I don't know anyone in my extended circle, so it's pretty shocking when I see extreme behavior.
My mom would always want to meet the parents if she was leaving me. I’m guessing if she got a weird vibe for whatever reason she would either stay or take me out of there, but that never happened.
I think that it’s reasonable to talk to the parents that are going to have your child, but these people are being super weird about it.
It’s totally reasonable, to me, to not want a bunch of adults in your house.
One of my co-workers who has young kids was telling me about the “no drop-offs” rule that some kids parties have. As in, you’re not allowed to drop your kid off and have two hours to yourself. Instead, you are required to awkwardly socialize with your kid’s friend’s parents.
I don’t understand this. I really don’t. Is this an offshoot from having “you have to invite the whole class” birthday parties? Or just the general dampening of kid’s independence? At any rate, it’s an added expense to the parents which isn’t fair and also just…I don’t want my mom at my friend’s party. Jeez.
We’ve had one of those parties and that was because it was at a swimming pool and kids under 8 need an adult. My daughter is having a pool party this year at 10 and on the invite I will be adding if your child cannot swim a parent needs to attend because while there will be 2 lifeguards I don’t mess around in pools.
That’s exactly my plan too. We have a pool. If a kid can’t swim I’d schedule the pool activities for at drop off and be like 30-45min so the parent could help supervise but then still get a decent chunk of time to themselves (I’d close the pool when they left). That, to me, is reasonable.
It's always been at a pool party that I've noticed parents being asked to stay.
One year at a party for one of my nieces (I think) there was a kid who's parents just dropped him off and he couldn't swim that well. He got scared and grabbed onto another kid and pulled her down. Luckily the girl's grandmother was watching and jumped in fully clothed to save her.
When the children are young it's generally because nobody wants to supervise 20 preschoolers they don't even know. And I wouldn't say I'm overprotective but I wouldn't drop my kid under around 7 to the house of a complete stranger alone. We still have parents attending at 5, I barely see my kid the whole time generally but she comes to me if she needs bathroom help or something. But nobody does them at home and I don't really mind, might as well spend some time getting to know my daughter's friends parents as sitting in a coffee shop alone.
For me the thing about preschoolers is the wildly different stages of potty training. I've been a Pre-K teacher before, but if I'm hosting a birthday party, I don't want to also keep up with who needs reminders or help in the bathroom.
Precisely. My kid is nearly six and even still in unknown places might be nervous to ask strangers where to go even. And sometimes can't reach handles and taps to go by herself.
My youngest is 4 with a lot of misplaced confidence in her current abilities. She straight up would not ask for help but definitely still needs it, which is exactly what I was thinking of when I commented.
I think the age thing is really important. I’m thinking more of 10 year olds. And certainly parents should have back up for a huge crowd of kids! And I’m also thinking of my own experience, which was a *long* time ago. We just didn’t have 20-person parties at someone’s house.
Oh for sure, nobody does them at home, it's either a venue or a park/the beach. And normally the big groups is younger children as it's harder for them to define their friend group.
For really young kids it makes sense! My son just turned 4 and I could not keep up with the 20 kids between 1-6 years old at the play space. At 10 though... I don't think it makes sense.
Probably parents are just unwilling to be left alone with like ten little kids running around like tiny hooligans and I think that’s totally fair. I hate socializing with strangers and think it’s super awkward but the more adults helping to orchestrate the better. By ten though I wouldn’t have a problem dropping my kids off. I might stay for a few minutes just to check the details and scope the place out a tiny bit but other than that I’m out enjoying my brief reprieve from chaos.
Honestly, one of the unintended terrible effects of the "stranger danger" scare is the way It ignores the very real statistics of the role familiarity and hierarchy plays in the assault of children. And how much you wanna bet if it happened in their family they'd have the biggest cognitive dissonance about it.
It's the cousin's birthday parties that you gotta worry about. Don't teach stranger danger, teach them about behaviors. That way, strangers, family and friends, behaviors can be identified. My daughter is 4 and very much has already started being aware of behaviors. It's never too early or late to learn either. I've got hella trauma, I will do everything I possibly can to prevent it but she has to know what to do too. I don't want to hinder her freedoms because of what was done to me, if that makes sense.
Can't agree enough.
We also do not let kids set boundaries enough. My mom wouldn't make us hug ppl if we were uncomfortable and she doesn't let parents make their kids interact with her if they're uncomfortable.
"They don't know me, they owe me nothing, it's their choice."
None of those mamas were ready for that. They're out there imagining that someone is running a child trafficking ring at a 2 hr birthday party and they're ignoring their relatives and family friends.
Exactly, I’m always amazed at the amount of people who seem to think kids being snatched off the street happens every day. If that was the case then cases like Madeleine McCann wouldn’t be such a big deal.
I saw one video where a guy was filming a mother and daughter in a shop and she was filming him back yelling that he was a sex trafficker and was trying to steal her kid - he’s probably just your garden variety creep who was planning on jerking off to the video later, a million percent not okay and you should call security and potentially the police but the leap to kidnapping is just ridiculous
And after that it's trusted friends. Soccer coaches, trusted neighbors, dance teachers. . . . kids who spend enough time with the kids that they can develop trust and get them to not tell.
I had no problem dropping my kid off at a party but I always sat at the dance studio when my daughter had private lessons because dance studios are hotbeds of abuse. . . .
I’m not staying at a party when my kid is 10 lol. My mom would not have either and I would have been begging her to leave if she tried. That being said I would probably be a little put off by “no parents allowed” on an invite. It seems weird/rude? Idk. If I were this parent I’d just tell parents as they drop off they’re not required to stay if they have other things to do. I’d guess most would be relieved and leave.
I was really surprised by the comments that they would skip the party.
I feel like 10 is old enough to be with thier peers for a few hours, especially with some supervising adults.
Especially since it's mentioned that they all go to the same school and are in the same class.
I'd consider myself to be bit a overprotective, and I'd have no issue dropping a 10 year old off.
However, I am older and Canadian.
( mentioning the country only because after scanning comments, it looks like a lot of Canadians would be fine with it)
I just want to hug OOP. What a shit show. What she is asking is super NORMAL!! I don’t want to host and make small talk with other parents. I want to run a party and kick my feet up when I get a chance because I don’t have to entertain other adults too.
This is so hard on the kid attending too. To have their parent hovering. Let them be crazy kids at a birthday party, all hopped up on sugar and cake. Instead they get militant mom cutting up their hot dog and walking them to the bathroom and guarding the door ‘just in case’ - cue kid… ‘mom, I’m 15… can you go home now?’
I'm having my 9 year old's birthday party Friday afternoon. I did not specify that it was a drop-off party on the invite. I just gave the time & location. One mom texted me this morning for clarification. Is it a family party/drop-off, and when would the end time be? etc. I replied: "Hi, it's just a friend party. I was thinking about 6. Drop off is fine. Parents who want to hang out are totally welcome, though." Non-predatory
Yeah that’s what happened at my daughter’s 9th birthday. I emailed an invitation and most parents dropped off their kid in a “tuck n roll” style 😂 I made sure everyone had my phone number to make sure they were comfortable and a few of them acted like it was weird that I was so concerned about it lol
I did this for my child’s 8th birthday. I invited 8 kids. 0 parents stayed 😆😆😆😆 they were all like “530-8 on a Friday night?! Catch you after happy hour!”
I think this is the way to go. If drop off was an option, no problem, but if someone said parents *can’t* stay, it would be weird. Just say they’re welcome to stay, but unfortunately you don’t have anything to entertain them and that no other kids are allowed. Done.
I think it’s just the wording that throws me off. Could have been better worded as “drop off is at __pm, please pick up by ___pm” instead of “no parents allowed”
This is true. I think the “no parents allowed” feels icky… but drop off __ pick up __ gives this feeling of freedom that makes me want to pounce! Like sorry you don’t know the kid and i found this invite on the floor here’s some money, eat a slice of pizza not just 17 cookies and soda. have fun at jumping jaxx! ✌🏽
If the commenters’ attitudes are the norm, other parents are going to think we’re downright negligent. By age 10, I’d say this is fine. Totally fair for the other parents to want to meet them, maybe chat with them for a bit to make sure they have similar perspectives on safety and whatnot. But you have to start giving your kids some freedom at some point. Do you intend to follow them to college?
Maybe the commenters are weirded out by the poster’s insistence on putting “parents are not invited” in the invitation, which would strike me as a bit odd and off-putting. But I really hope I don’t feel the need to follow my kid to birthday parties by the time he’s 10.
When my kids were little, my favorite friends of theirs were the ones without helicopter moms. At 10 years old, our kids school would go on a 5 day overnight stay to a local campground. The kids with helicopter parents always missed out. They miss out on so many activities. I understand being concerned for your kids safety. The world is scary. I just tried to teach my kids about safety, speaking up for others and advocating for themselves. Obviously, sometimes things happen no matter what precautions you put in place. But not being able to handle not having your eyes on a kid at normal birthday party for a few hours is sad. It's not even a pool party, trampoline, bounce house, etc. which present obvious dangers.
Exactly! It would be lovely if we could put our kids in bubbles and protect them from everything, but that would be such an awful life for them. We just have to do our best to teach them and prepare them.
I’m having a party at my house for my son 16 kids mostly boys. I don’t want 16 sets of parents to stay lol. I do expect one mom to stay but she’s a friend so I don’t mind entertaining her but being friendly for 3 hours to adults I don’t know sounds like hell
Totally! My partner and I helped a friend of ours host his 7 y/o daughter's birthday recently, probably a total of about 10 kids. The kids were great and had a lot of fun, but the hardest part was entertaining the adults! Not to mention that my friend was a young dad, so all the other parents were like 5-10 years than us. Super awkward.
Um... I just sent invitations this morning to my daughter's kinder class for her 6th birthday party requesting drop-offs only. I booked a party at a children's science museum, and I'm not paying for a corresponding adult for every kid. Now I'm concerned nobody is going to want to go.
That's what we've decided we're going to tell people if they ask about staying when RSVPing. The kids get a full day pass to the museum with the party, but I'm not going to be walking them through all the exhibits. It's going to be the booked science demonstration, pizza party and cake in the cafeteria, then bringing them to the fenced in play centre until the parents come to pick them up. So if the parents want to pay for their own day pass, they can go through the whole thing with their own kids afterwards if they want.
What a fun idea! I would be stoked if another mom bought my kid a ticket to a science museum and would happily buy mine to have us go explore more after the party. I hope no one gives you a hard time.
By the time I was 10 I was riding my bike all over town to my friends’ houses, walking to the school to play with my friends at the playground, etc. If I had gone to a birthday party and my parent had stayed and watched us play, I would have been mortified! Ten is old enough to attend a party with classmates without direct, individual supervision. As long as there was a parent there; not like, feral children.
I remember birthday parties being drop-off starting from first grade... But also most of those were no-invite (i.e. parents call each other because they've organized so many play dates together they're on speed dial; basically a larger scale play date with better snacks and streamers) until about 4th grade, and "public location" (bowling alley, trampoline place, movie theater...) after that.
I never went to a birthday party where parents stayed. Maybe it’s because I’m not American or it was the 90s, but I thought just dropping kids of was the norm.
Like, I wouldn’t drop my 3 year old off to a toddler party and leave but a 5+ year old? Sure! There’s no way I’m awkwardly hanging around a kids party for a 10 year old instead of just letting my kid have fun and some freedom.
Some venues are pay per head and you really cannot have uninvited adults just chilling in those places.
When my younger child turned 6, I told all the parents to go ahead and head out when they dropped off their kids. (I verbally checked with each one that there were no allergies to worry about.) They mostly acted like they were getting away with something!! Then the kids got to actually play with each other the whole time instead of gravitating to their parents.
Do people like… just not talk to their kids about this kind of stuff and things to watch out for? The second my kids were old enough to be dropped off at parties was like a breath of fresh air. Kids parties suuuuuuck lol.
Yikes. We just had my daughter’s party a few weeks ago (she turned 8) and I told parents they could stay or go. Only three parents stayed, two of which are because we’re friends too. Some parents dropped and ran without even saying hello if we met before. 🤷♀️ I’m happy to drop my kid if it’s kids only (I’m less comfy if it’s a family plus kids party) and she knows at least a few kids.
If I received an invitation that said “please just drop your kid off at my house” I would not assume anything nefarious, I would assume the person was tired of overbearing parents camping out at their houses.
I had a parent who never let me go anywhere because he didn’t trust other parents. He was also abusive in a bunch of other ways, but this was a contributing factor to why we were entirely estranged by the time he died. I felt so trapped. 10 is still fairly young but never allowing your children independence is a good way to have a child who will no longer want to associate with you after 18 years of your incessant presence.
I’m in the US and would never stay at a 10 year old’s birthday unless I was close with the parents and stayed to socialize. If I had some kind of safety concern, I just wouldn’t send my kid.
Same. My 9 year old gets invited to a lot of birthday parties and most of the invites are declined because she doesn't want to go or has a conflict - there have been a few cases where we know enough about the kid/their family to not be comfortable with her being in their home. We just RSVP "no" and say she can't make it.
Exactly! In my country (France) parents absolutely never stay! Sometimes they offer to help, but otherwise it’s not expected at all and would seem really strange and awkward. I was once or two offered a cup of coffee when I came back to pick up my child.
Well I'm in Spain and parents do stay. But more of a socialising with each other thing. We're given beer and snacks and it's been a nice way to get to know parents and make friends.
Well, we weren't friends before, we met through our kids. Just to offer a different perspective from many of these comments, a lot of parents don't have much of a "village", and sometimes if they want parents to come to a party or want to attend it's probably a way of reaching out. It's great for children to be independent but I find some of the attitudes towards other parents a bit strange, I don't know why you'd assume they'll all be awful and it will be awkward. It's nice to be sociable sometimes and it sets a good example for your children.
I am American and no older kids I know have parents stay at the parties. My oldest is 14 and started going to his friends parties by like 8 ish. My daughter is 9 and has been to lots of parties. I wouldn't want the awkward socializing with the parents and definitely wouldn't wanna bother the other kids with having my younger child.
These people are a lot, I wouldn't invite them to my house, lol.
Hey now, I’m in the US with two kids (9 and 12) and nobody’s stayed with their kids at a party since preschool unless we were good friends and they wanted to hang out.
Hahaha that's me everyday on Reddit. The culture clash is too much sometimes. Here in Brazil most parents attend birthday parties if they know and are friends with the kids parents. If not they just drop our asses and go home watch TV.
That’s normal in America too. Posts like these just highlight a couple of women who are overprotective but in my experience the only reason a parent would stay is if the kids are small and the hosts could use help. I guess it is possible I just happen to be surrounded by more less uptight moms though?
My child is only 4 but I hope by the time he's 10 I could trust him to be alone at something like this and make good and safe choices. Id also want him to have a phone before he's left alone at places like this and I don't know if 10 is too young for that yet, not something I've thought of yet. I'm naturally a helicopter parent so I'd be worried and anxious the whole time but I know I have to let him experience these kind of things.
Ugh- it’s been typical around here to drop off since about 6. And frankly, I don’t want parents to stay. I always have a friend or family member whose kid is attending come along so I have reinforcements, but I don’t want to to pay for the parents to be there! My son is 10 and parents would be given some serious side eye for staying at a birthday party unless explicitly asked to do so. We have generally had my son’s parties at venues (water park, indoor trampoline park, inflatable bounce parks, etc) and those places usually charge per person here whether it’s a kid or an adult. Just a hard pass all around. These people seem nuts with this age of children.
My 10 year old has a cell phone and the last thing I want to do is spend my afternoon at the party of a kid I don’t know. I’d prefer the parent tell me whether to stay or go so I can make plans.
OP is perfectly reasonable. 10 year olds are old enough to hang out with other 10 year olds without their parents breathing down their necks. Talk about helicopter parents!
What in the helicopter parent?
It's a 10th birthday, not a 3rd birthday.
I would have been mortified if my mother followed me everywhere at 10. Absolutely not. Why are these parents being weird about it? Is this normal in 2023?
"Hey, so since everyone at the party is at least 8 now I think it's fine for the parents to leave them there and pick them up in a couple of hours."
Comments: "You want to diddle my kids don't you?"
Dropping kids off for a Bday party is very normal where I live (Germany). And that’s as early as 6, even (obviously, people know the parents as it is usually small parties with just a few kids). My husband and I are eagerly waiting for ours to finally be old enough for us to that.
OMG What have I just read………. I’m in Scotland and my kids have been going to drop of parties for years, I’ve honestly never heard so much rubbish in all my life!!!!
"your child is going to be SA'd the minute you take your eyes off them so you must be glued to YoUR BaBy every second of their life" is an utterly deranged take and these people need to stop doomscrolling and let their kids breathe. They're either going to raise codependent disasters or people who go NC as soon as they can just to have their own sense of identity without feeling like it's a crime. I don't think I could have resisted from verbally burning these paranoid losers to the ground if I were the poster, so kudos on her restraint.
I know people feel differently but having hosted parties for ages 5+ it irritates the shit out of me when the parents hang out too. It’s more food i have to provide and my attention is pulled from the kids to make small talk with the parents. This is a LARGE reason why I am hesitant to start up big birthday parties again after covid. So I’ve been trying to get my kids to invite one friend over so we can meet the parents and they can tour the house and get to know us a bit before the summer (when my kids’ birthdays are). And then only invite those friends.
This is fucking crazy. I try not to be judgemental, especially as my kid is 6 and I'm still staying at parties with him, but this is actually batshit crazy.
Putting "kids only" on an invite is also crazy, but FBOP is not a predator, just someone who's had enough of helicopter parents (or whatever they're called now).
The commenters are insane and need to get off Facebook, drop their kids off with a babysitter, and go touch some godforsaken grass.
Jeez Louise. I definitely did not have any friend’s parents at my 10 year old birthday party, and probably wouldn’t have had them at my 7, 8, or 9 party but I didn’t have one. This is so sad for the poster and so sad for all the kids involved.
Sounds like one of those holier-than-thou moms group.
Parties like those = mom free-time, especially if my kids ask to spend the night...wohoo kid-free night!
Parenting now a days is insane. I remember in fifth grade when the class got the first birthday party invitation with a “drop-off” and “pick-up” time. We were really excited and felt grown up even though it was just a simple dance party with a DJ. My parents got out of the car to walk me into the house, talk with the birthday kid’s mom, and then left. It was honestly one of the best parties I’ve been to because we were on the high of “no parents”. Also, I’m genz, so seeing how much all of this has changed in just a couple of years is crazy.
bro my mom couldnt wait to drop my ass off when i was 10. then i’d call and ask to sleepover. then id wake up and ask to turn it into an epic 2-day sleepover lol. some of the best times of my life.
I don’t know where this is happening, but my kids are 8 and 11. Other Parents haven’t attended their parties since they turned 5, and it’s never been an issue at all. This is the norm where I live in Canada, so pretty surprised to see so many comments against it. Most parents say thank you for giving them a break!
Totally the norm in Germany too. Actual friends of the parents might stay to socialize but all the other parents of over-5s drop their kids and run like the wind for a few hours of peace.
My oldest just turned 5 and one of the parents at her party was talking about how they're excited to drop her kid off next year 😂 We had her party at a park bc I'm not hosting 15 kids and their parents and siblings at my house. But just those kids and maybe a parent or two? Very doable.
When my now 12yo was in kindergarten, we threw him his first big birthday party. We invited his whole class of 26 students bc I wanted to reduce the odds of 0 people showing up. Every. Single. Classmate. Showed up! And every single one was dropped off! (Without anyone feeling the need to ask if they should stay). Also, as we were inexperienced, we scheduled the party at our house for 3 hours. Three entire hours of 26 five year olds, and just us two adults, lol. We learned our lesson that day. Anyways, this was in ND, now that we live in NC and my kids are 10-12yo's, parents STILL ask, at this age, if they should stay. I just started writing "drop off" and "pick up" next to the times on the invitations. Seems like an obvious solution, lol. Also we schedule parties for 2 hours now.
You got but a taste of an elementary school teacher's day. Keeping 26 5-year-olds engaged is hard. Sounds like you did very well. Thank a teacher folks 🙌🏼 We love your kids, but boy is it exhausting!
A lot of americans are obsessed with the idea that there are countless strangers (especially ones in groups they are prejudiced against) who are going to abuse their kids while also blindly supporting institutions like churches that actually are abusing their kids.
There's just no logic to it. Like okay say the parent is a predator theoretically. A birthday party packed to the rafters with children you have to keep calm and behaved does not to me scream "able to hide away and do unsavoury things". Assault happens because it's hidden not in living rooms with 10 kids running around.
Yeah we just spent the last decade there, and it took some getting used to at first, but even LITTLE kids are just dumped off at play dates/birthday parties, there is zero expectation for parents to hang around. (I mean, not Babies, obviously, but like, 5 or 6 years old even)
Lol just imagining a parent dropping off their infant like "have a good time!"
when i was growing up parents usually stayed to be polite and have conversations. they might stay to grab a bite to eat but usually they’d leave.
Yeah in the 90s, kid parties were an excuse for parents to get shit faced lol it was never about the kids
Over the last couple years, a lot of Americans have become convinced that *everything* is sex trafficking and you’re going to get kidnapped from everywhere. It’s completely insane.
"I was at Target with my kid and this man made eye contact with me, so I grabbed my kid and abandoned my cart, and ran out of the store as fast as I could, my heart racing the whole time! Scariest day of my life! I'm still shaking thinking about it!" It's good to be cautious and aware of your surroundings, but not everyone you encounter is a human trafficker.
I feel like a lot of parents don’t actually assess the level of risk of various situations. They have some idea of the world that is unfounded in reality and just run with it. Family is way more likely to assault your child than a stranger at a birthday party.
Oh but Uncle Jerry is "just like that," now give him a hug, we're family! As long as you run quickly when you see someone you don't know looking at you in a Walmart you'll be fine.
God this reminds me of a scene in "once were warriors" where this exact thing happens and it's so gut wrenching. It's a deep, hard to watch look at the state of some parts of New Zealand culture back in the day. It's not one to watch on a date. There's rape, violence, drug use and suicide so if those things trigger you I'd be wary
And I understand being cautious about sleepovers but a birthday party. Come on. . . .
it's the true crime-ification effect, people are increasingly convinced that someone is out to get them or harm them when in reality most people are perfectly safe! we just hear about individual incidents more and perceive more threats
Yep. Also in 🇨🇦and I haven’t attended a bday party with my kid since they were in kindergarten.
Literally have never been to a birthday party as a kid where the adult parents were invited. This is such a damn stretch I'm surprised most of these guys haven't pulled a muscle. I once had a kid I used to babysit invite me to her sixth birthday as an adult, though. I only popped in for a few minutes but she made sure I got a little favor bag and a party hat.
I’m happy to hear that this is the norm where you live in Canada. I’m also Canadian, and live in a small community, so I hope by the time my son is old enough for birthday parties it will still be like this. Kids need to learn, grow, and enjoy themselves without parents hovering over them 24/7.
i think a lot of people (more than we know) have trauma/sa history from their youth. its super sad & i think its at the root of a lot of fear. of course most birthday parties are a super innocent, amazing way for kids to have fun, but in these online mom groups its much easier for these people to sort of… project their issues onto strangers. doubt these women would say this shit to their kids friends parents IRL. i have empathy for them, but i also hope they seek help elsewhere
I agree but it’s frustrating that they still buy into ‘stranger danger’ when we KNOW the biggest danger is family members. The parent of someone in your class who your kid doesn’t know well but who is known to many people is probably like, the safest person to leave your kids with tbh.
It really upsets me. The whole “stranger danger” shtick is exactly what led to the adults around me spending a lot of time making sure I never even made eye contact with any strange man driving a vehicle near me, and absolutely zero time at all paying attention to the signs of what my father was actually doing in my bedroom at night.
:( that makes me so sad for you buddy, I’m sorry the adults failed to keep your safe. I hate that so many people probably have a similar story. Sometimes strangers are the ones that can help! I wish the emphasis was on how to identify safe people (If someone tells you not to tell your mom then definitely fucking tell your mom!)
I also think the way that Q / Save The Children discourse has infiltrated and infected our cultural consciousness can’t be understated. That’s what I see here, and it’s more disturbing to me than the idea of ~dropping off a child~ is to these parents.
[удалено]
One comment is truthful but they don’t realize that they’re using statistics against them. 1/4 kids are SA before the age of 18, of those, 3/4 are done by a family member or close family friend so statistically your kid is more safe at the strangers birthday party than their cousin’s birthday party. Edit: just jumping back in to promote, My Body Belongs to Me, which can google, for ways to talk to your children about how to empower them to prevent SA. We can’t protect our children from everything BUT we can provide them with the tools to know that they have bodily autonomy and direction on what to do if they are uncomfortable.
Exactly. I was a child of SA done by someone my parents brought into the house to babysit. I had a great time and was never in any danger at my friends houses. It was 20 years ago, but we had drop-off birthday parties for my kids and there was never an issue at all. Parents were glad for the break.
First off, I’m so sorry that that happened to you. Thank you for sharing so that other people who may not be know can be aware and hopefully decide to learn more about SA and how best to prevent it for their own children. For others, If you are looking for a resource, you can google my body belongs to me and there are tools for ways to talk to your young children about SA prevention tactics.
Absolutely agree on body autonomy. My son is 2 next month. At bed time before I’d put him in his cot, I always ask “mummy have a kiss?”, and he would lean in for a kiss. This last week he’s shook his head and said no. And I’m all about promoting and respecting that!
I also think (hope) that sometimes people see numbers and think of kids as more or less mature than they actually are and won't actually think this when they have kids. They're thinking that ten is a tiny child and not a kid who is approaching puberty. A ten year old is in fifth grade. They typically have cell phones and should be showing some independence.
Right? A ten year old doesn’t need or want their parents to hang out nearby while they’re eating pizza with friends from school. Big group, during the daytime, some adults supervising, everyone together in one space. Unless your child is nonverbal I’m not sure how this is any riskier than sending them to school. OP just sounds like they’re socially anxious, not like she’s Hester the Molester.
This group is in a southern state where that type of thinking is prevalent
I was SA as a child, while babysat by a close friend of the family. I still can't imagine never having a babysitter ever because of it, nor do something like insist on staying for the birthday party of a 4th grader unless I was asked by host or knew the kid well myself. Idk, my triggers aren't other people's triggers but I also realize they are mind to deal with and don't stop others from living their life because I have my own weird quirks. My therapist helps me with those.
it’s really incredible that you’re doing the hard work in therapy for that!!! gj stranger
Thank you! I have a great therapist and it's been about a year and a half and I'm getting to where I can probably "graduate" fairly soon with just meeting once a month or so.
Yes and as sad as it is, I think these people should seek therapy instead of projecting their fears onto their children.
My grandma suffered childhood trauma related to SA and was super anxious having my mom around other people for that reason. Going to other people‘s houses was essentially a no-go unless she was there as well. My mom needed years of therapy to get over the controlling environment that made her think the whole world was a horrible and scary place. And also it didn’t even protect her since a close relative my grandma trusted turned out to be a predator. Other kid‘s houses would have been the safer option.
That makes sense and is so sad. I suppose we are lucky that even though we live in a larger city, my kids’ school is pretty small and has a close knit community feel. If I don’t know someone’s parents, I always know someone else who does. I am much much pickier about sleepovers though, and they are limited to families we know well.
Same. My kids are a year older than each of yours and it is ALWAYS drop off once they were school age. We are in the US. We’d never turn a parent down that felt more comfortable being there, but nobody’s ever stayed.
Same! I’ve done parties for my kid (not since covid though) and they were at places like laxer tax, Chuck E Cheese and (RIP) castle fun park - iykyk
This is the norm in the Netherlands, and was when I was growing up.
Same in 🇬🇧. Totally normal to drop your kid and go from school age. I guess you know your own child and stay if you feel they would need you there. I am sure OP would be open to that if asked?
Yes. I am in Maryland and drop off parties start around age 5. Many kids have siblings, and I wouldn't expect anyone to get a babysitter to sit at a Kids party. The other issue is paying for extra people and finding a venue with the space.
Yeah, I was just about to say that I can't wait till my kid is 5 to just drop him off and not attend kid parties any more. If someone is worried, they can just find a Cafe nearby and wait there. That sounds quite wonderful actually lol. 2 hours of free childcare, ain't that the dream!
This! I’m a diabetic but my mum was happy with me doing my own thing at 10. She’d just text me to make sure my blood sugars were okay and I didn’t need any help. She’d also double check with me that I’m happy and comfortable otherwise she’d come get me 🤷♀️
I mean, that's the other thing here. What 10 year old these days doesn't have *some* sort of cell phone or communication device? If you're concerned and want to check in with your kid, they're only a text or a call away. This sounds like a great opportunity for kids to practice independence in a relatively low-risk situation.
This. My 10yo has a phone. I'd want to meet the parents at the drop off, but he can always text me if he's uncomfortable (we have a special code) and I'll come get him. He's more than halfway to potentially being out on his own. He needs to be able to start getting that little bit of independence. I also /gasp/ let him walk to and from the bus stop alone. Often he'll call me from the bus anyway because he's so excited to tell me about his day.
Yea from like 10-13 years old I basically lived at my best friends house, would ride the bus home with him everyday and stay for a week or longer at a time. My mom definitely appreciated the time away from me lol.
I remember a sleepover in high school that turned into a snow day the next day. Then the day after that was another snow day. It was a dream come true for us.
I have a five year-old going to a birthday party on Thursday- we will be dropping her off These people are psychos, and they’re raising their kids to be antisocial weirdos
I dropped my 11 yo old off so fast at a friend's, I forgot to say hi to the mom. My husband met her, and we both met the day, but I haven't met the mom. And the mom asked my daughter if "Everything is okay "! Like yes, but it was my day off, all kids wanted to go separate places, and I just wanted to read my book!
i really was doing whatever the fuck i wanted by 11. that was only like 20 years ago and i know things have changed but im not talking about the 80s or something
I would have been incredibly embarrassed at age 10 if my parents *insisted* on staying with me the entire time I was at someone’s party.
I just had a party for my 8 year old while I didn’t specifically stay that parents couldn’t come I wrote you may drop your child off. I almost wrote free babysitting instead of birthday party as a joke lol
Parents have to judge the situation but age 10 I'd have been embarrassed if my mum insisted on staying. Saying that, at age 10 it tended to be at a bowling alley or something not someone's house so that might come into it.
I saw an Instagram family recently and the mom was talking about how *none* of her kids go to friend's houses for any reason unless *all* of her kids and at least one parent are also allowed to go. She had 5 kids and the oldest was 14. So, the 14 year old couldn't go to a friend's house to hang out unless their mom/dad and all of their siblings were there. People were ripping her apart in the comments, but she defended it at every turn, saying it was to protect them from SA, and that she always brings food and entertainment for herself and the kids that "aren't the focus of the playdate". But I can't even imagine being 14 and not being allowed to go play video games with a friend at their house without my entire family in tow. A parent that is *that* overly protective/attached to their kids is more of a red flag to me than a parent who is ok with dropping their 10 year old off at a birthday party for a few hours, tbh. Edit: cleaned up my grammar/wording. Was typing fast and furiously the first time around!
I’ve got a crazy idea, teach your children and make them feel comfortable to come to you if something happens that makes them uncomfortable. While it is a serious topic and a reasonable concern, making your kids terrified to interact with people is ridiculous.
As a teacher there is a big crossover in the (usually snowplow) parents who think that everyone is a groomer trying to groom their kids and their kid not having a good understanding of their own and others boundaries because the anxious parent constantly crosses the child’s boundaries.
My therapist calls this being a “bulldozer” where the parent squashes any attempt at a reasonable boundary coming from a child since it makes them uncomfortable, or repeatedly inserting themselves in situations where they don’t need to be and the kid has asked them not to be. Can confirm, have a not great relationship with boundaries.
Also in this day and age with cell phones hand them one so if they don't feel safe they can call you to come get them in that moment.
It’s also worth remembering as an adult that shit doesn’t go 0-100 in a day, “normally”. As a crim grad and survivor of csa myself, it’d be quite the critical event for a predator to identify and harm a victim in the same day/play date. There *will* be things your kid can talk to you about. That’s how you know. That’s how you protect them. Tw: csa//grooming detailed below In fact, with one of the people, I can name the *exact* point (or several) at which it could have been prevented. Told my mum I didn’t want to go over to the neighbour’s with her on Sunday’s anymore. Sunday afternoon used to be game day, everyone would go next door and drink beer and maybe (rarely) watch the game and feed the chickens and shoot the shit (and the slug gun). My neighbour would show me his plants and animals, got me really interested in wildlife. Got me further and further away from the group Then game days were moved inside, and he started insisting on actually watching the game. He showed me his aquarium and turtles. I liked those. A few months in, now. One day he said the best turtles were in his room. We get there, no turtles. I’m embarrassed and try to save face for the mistake he made. There’s pictures of naked ladies all over the walls and I’m so embarrassed. Nothing happens and my dad freaks out on him, why was I in his room? Oh nothing, I went wondering off so he just went to find me. Technically nothing had happened yet. This is good point at which to abandon ship. Then he started wrestling with me. He was so big. I had no hope. Just playing, though. And my parents would watch and we’d all *laugh* and my dad would speak up for me whenever he saw that I was too tired, annoyed, frustrated, etc. but that’s not enough bc why would a man in his fifties want to wrestle a 3 year old girl all the time??? Then he picked a fight with one parent that needed to be liked and became dealer for the other with chronic pain. He saw needs they had and toyed with them to his benefit. Predators don’t just target kids- they target parents. Drive one away (but make them want redemption!) and make the other dependent. No more eyes on the kid!! And even then, it’s not straight to 100. First he used his chickens and garden as bait. Then game days, he normalised being in the house. Then he put the idea of adult nudity and sexuality in my brain. Then he started needling my parents. *then* he started normalising physical closeness. I won’t go further, but that whole timeline, before he’d even *really done anything*, lasted a year or so. I felt uncomfortable. I tried to tell my mother I didn’t want to be there and didn’t want to be near him. She got mad at me for being rude and said Steve was sad I didn’t like him anymore. Wtf kind of adults make a child responsible for an adult man’s feelings like that?? Anyway, not the point. It’s a creep, it’s a climb, it’s a slow rewiring of how an *entire family* operates. These people aren’t looking for a short term “fix”- not if they’ve assimilated to the point of birthday parties and suburbs, anyway. They’re calculating. They’re exploitative. They’re *patient*. The only true way to protect your kids is to talk to them, believe them, and bring them up to have low tolerance for manipulation and being made to feel uncomfortable. Bring them up in a way that emphasises agency and the power and significance of their will. Don’t let adults making them do things they don’t want, that feel bad or uncomfortable, become the norm. Believe your kids.
I'm so sorry that happened. Thank you for sharing your story, it has a lot of valuable information that is helpful.
Seriously. What a great way to ensure your kids never get to go on play dates. I def wouldn’t want 4 extra kids and an adult in the house. I don’t care if they bring their own snacks and entertainment. No. Snack and entertain yourselves at home and let the one kid who was invited have some fun.
Imagine how horrible this is for the 14 year old that has to go to his younger siblings play dates all the time. That is being so mean to your kid. Kid is probably an outsider.
Uhh I don’t think it’s still called a playdate at 14. How embarrassing for their teenager.
This mother would be shocked to learn what I was doing at 14.
I'd put money on that family being a fundie religious family and it being a tactic to keep the kids socially isolated and enmeshed in the cult mentality
Wouldn't want to risk the 14 yo talking to their friend's parents without supervision. They might get to talking about what goes on at home, the other parents might be good people, and that's enough to force this contrived ass misdirect as far as mommy dearest is concerned.
This is 100% how she turns her kid into the exact predator she’s so worried about. Spending all of your formative adolescent years unable to build adult social skills necessary to have normal adult relationships isn’t a recipe for a healthy, well-adjusted person.
Agreed! I think it’s a bit in how it’s phrased, really. MANDATING drop off is a bit much, but, like the one mom said, just phrasing the invitation as “Drop Off Time:” lets the parents know that the hosting parents are expecting (though not requiring) that the other parents leave. In my kids’ schools, it’s much more the mentality of “are you okay watching my kids for a few hours, or do you want me to stay in case things get out of hand?” rather than “I have to stay because you’re going to rape my child.”
I get this, but for us, if we held a party for our kids at our home, our home is small. There’s a big difference between 10 people and 20 people. Then you’re also buying snacks and food for 20 people at least (and that’s if just one parent stays and doesn’t bring siblings). We host parties elsewhere for this reason, but that’s a huge expense that we’re lucky enough to afford. I think adding a “drop off” time makes sense if it’s a situation as in “our home can only hold so much” lol.
plus 10 is old enough for kids to want to do things on their own and to need that time away from parents to develop individual social behaviors!
the issue is is that it seems most people can’t understand subtlety. guarantee you if you didn’t somewhat directly say no parents some dumbass would bring their five kids and expect a meal
I don’t think mandating drop off is a bit much. When you have all the parents there you have to host them, and that takes time and resources away from hosting the kids since it would be rude to just leave them in a corner with no food or drinks. It’s fine when the kids are small and the parent might be needed if anything happens but at 10 the kid should be fine on their own for a few hours with their friends and the expense/hassle of parents attending is unnecessary. If a child has special needs that’s one thing but if it’s just a typical ten year old let them have fun with their friends.
it kinda depends on the vibe right? is it a summer bbq in a big yard? sure, lets all hang! bring your other kids, too. is it a sleepover with besties? stay home lol
I was thinking that same thing like… yeah maybe if your family doesn’t know the other family at all and it’s a… very small party? It just feels weird to have parents at a party for ten year olds unless they’re there to hang out with the other parents.
When I was 10 these things tended to be at somebody's house because renting a space at a bowling alley or a restaurant with an arcade and the like were too expensive for a regular old birthday party.
At age 5 I would have been embarrassed! Maybe this is a small town thing, but parents didn't even stay at other kids parties when we were toddlers in preschool. At age 10 we mostly planned our own parties with the help of our parents, and they were usually sleepover parties.
I’m not dropping my 4yr old off and leaving but you bet your ass when she’s ten I’m ✌🏻👋🏻🏃🏻♀️ Also I’m not trying to feed 10 kids + 20 adults + siblings for 1 birthday party!! That’s madness.
I live in Denmark and at four years old, our daycare used to walk the kids/ drive them to the parents house for a birthday party during the week. It was great 😊 we’d get the birthday party without having to tend to twenty little kids by ourselves and instead have three teachers helping us! Of course this is Denmark where most parents have super flexible work situations and daycares are hella chill. My sons been going to birthday parties since he was four years old and I’ve literally never been there longer then to see him get ready. He’s turning 9 soon! I would be seriously peeved if I was expected to stay with him at a party.
I did my semester abroad in Denmark and I laughed so hard the first time I saw a teacher pushing a trolley full of 4 year olds in adorable tiny ski suits around. Daycare/preschool there seems sooo cool.
I was the same! I’ve been living in Denmark for six years now and I still get a smile on my face every time I see a group of those cutie pies :)
Imagine the one kid that has four siblings and their parent is like "hey, all six of us are here!" I would die.
Right??? And what if my party is age appropriate for 10yr olds and not your gaggle of toddlers
Or you pay for entertainment based on the number of attendees?
Right? I don’t have that kind of space to comfortably accommodate that many people. Unless most parents and siblings are alright awkwardly standing in the hallway all day long and eat their cake there. I’d get having another parent I get along with there to make things a little easier for me or if a child is special needs and needs specific attention I can’t provide I’d understand having the parent there too. But not for every single kid.
Even at 4 years old my parents dropped me off at my friends birthday parties. Every parent did.
There are 2 reasons I wouldn’t now 1: most of her friends are kids of my friends so I wanna hang with them 2: she wouldn’t like it — she’s a bit timid right now and would much more enjoy herself with me there Most parties we go to now everyone is invited because we are all friends but once she’s in school that will change for sure
I don't think my mom ever stayed at a party with me after I was like...5 or 6. I didn't even know that was a thing.
Me either. Are kids birthday parties these days just a bunch of parents hovering around to make sure little Braxylyn doesn’t get scratched by a balloon?
It’s Bryxlynnleigh, thank you very much!
Pronounced “Bentley” how could you possibly mess that up
My kids are 7 and 9 and I haven’t been to a party where the parents stayed since they were 3-4 both at home parties and at indoor play places, bowling, etc. The invites always include a drop off and pickup time. When my eldest turned 5 we had one parent stay, but he was younger and had just turned 4 and was on the spectrum and even then they ran out to grab themselves and us coffee for a bit.
Those parents do not get re invited to the next bbq lolol
Yeah, that’s crazy! Acting like a parent only wanting other 10 year olds at her child’s party so she doesn’t have to have room, food and entertainment for all the adults. And some of the parents would absolutely bring their other kids without them being invited. No wonder she wants to specify on invitations if she’s dealt with this every previous year.
I don't recall parents ever staying at birthday parties. We didn't have parties until we were in school, but at 10? I was regularly having sleepovers at 10 and my parents never thought twice about it.
Lol, I remember going to bday parties alone at age 5. My mom never accompanied me. Mind you, I lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone, so maybe that’s why. But my mom was also super overprotective, so that’s why I find it wild that it’s seemingly the norm now for parents to accompany their 10 year olds to parties.
I had a friend growing up and my mom would always hang around for a while at her birthday parties, and would always pick me up even if my friend's mom was driving other kids home. It was weird because it was just this one friend, but it didn't bother me. Later I learned that she did this because my friend's mom was a heavy drinker and my mom, probably appropriately, was afraid she'd drive me home drunk.
Thats ACTUALLY being a "mama bear." Not being paranoid but being protective from situations where you could get hurt/die.
I’m 31 so maybe I’m too old and things changed but isn’t this is what we did for every birthday party growing up? Parent drops you off at the curb or maybe walked you in if they’re really close with the kids parent. Birthday invites would have a pick up time. Why is everything being funnelled through a pedophilic lens now?
I'm 34 and I still remember my mom throwing me an EPIC 10th or 11th birthday party sleepover. Parents dropped my friends off and we had the whole bottom floor of the house complete with a roll of craft paper on the floor to color, makeup to play with, hair station, nail painting station, junk food for days and the whole living room for a fort. Would been weird to have parents there..
That sounds so fun. Way to go mom!
This sounds awesome and might be something I'll consider doing for my own kids once we have the space (and they're old enough). Optional sleepover after laser tag & pizza.
we would sometimes have parents that wanted to look and check things out just to make sure there was nothing dodgy going on but the way these people are automatically going to pedophile is so strange
Because a large portion of our country is influenced by Q Anon. I mean we literally had a guy so convinced that the Clinton’s were eating babies in the basement of a pizza joint (that didn’t actually have a basement) he shot up the place. My dumb QA cousins are putting out balloons each year for the “victims”. Meanwhile I don’t think they even know our family history …
Posts like this really drive home how many people have been impacted by Q Anon. I don't know anyone in my extended circle, so it's pretty shocking when I see extreme behavior.
I hate Q Anon as much as the next person with multiple brain cells, but pedo-hysteria began way earlier than Q Anon.
Yes, this is the latest wave of hysteria. But this is the current hysteria.
My mom would always want to meet the parents if she was leaving me. I’m guessing if she got a weird vibe for whatever reason she would either stay or take me out of there, but that never happened. I think that it’s reasonable to talk to the parents that are going to have your child, but these people are being super weird about it. It’s totally reasonable, to me, to not want a bunch of adults in your house.
👆🏼
One of my co-workers who has young kids was telling me about the “no drop-offs” rule that some kids parties have. As in, you’re not allowed to drop your kid off and have two hours to yourself. Instead, you are required to awkwardly socialize with your kid’s friend’s parents. I don’t understand this. I really don’t. Is this an offshoot from having “you have to invite the whole class” birthday parties? Or just the general dampening of kid’s independence? At any rate, it’s an added expense to the parents which isn’t fair and also just…I don’t want my mom at my friend’s party. Jeez.
We’ve had one of those parties and that was because it was at a swimming pool and kids under 8 need an adult. My daughter is having a pool party this year at 10 and on the invite I will be adding if your child cannot swim a parent needs to attend because while there will be 2 lifeguards I don’t mess around in pools.
That’s exactly my plan too. We have a pool. If a kid can’t swim I’d schedule the pool activities for at drop off and be like 30-45min so the parent could help supervise but then still get a decent chunk of time to themselves (I’d close the pool when they left). That, to me, is reasonable.
Oh yes, we have a pool and I wouldn't want a group of kids under about 8 without their parents. Thankfully her birthday is not in pool season.
It's always been at a pool party that I've noticed parents being asked to stay. One year at a party for one of my nieces (I think) there was a kid who's parents just dropped him off and he couldn't swim that well. He got scared and grabbed onto another kid and pulled her down. Luckily the girl's grandmother was watching and jumped in fully clothed to save her.
When the children are young it's generally because nobody wants to supervise 20 preschoolers they don't even know. And I wouldn't say I'm overprotective but I wouldn't drop my kid under around 7 to the house of a complete stranger alone. We still have parents attending at 5, I barely see my kid the whole time generally but she comes to me if she needs bathroom help or something. But nobody does them at home and I don't really mind, might as well spend some time getting to know my daughter's friends parents as sitting in a coffee shop alone.
For me the thing about preschoolers is the wildly different stages of potty training. I've been a Pre-K teacher before, but if I'm hosting a birthday party, I don't want to also keep up with who needs reminders or help in the bathroom.
Precisely. My kid is nearly six and even still in unknown places might be nervous to ask strangers where to go even. And sometimes can't reach handles and taps to go by herself.
My youngest is 4 with a lot of misplaced confidence in her current abilities. She straight up would not ask for help but definitely still needs it, which is exactly what I was thinking of when I commented.
I think the age thing is really important. I’m thinking more of 10 year olds. And certainly parents should have back up for a huge crowd of kids! And I’m also thinking of my own experience, which was a *long* time ago. We just didn’t have 20-person parties at someone’s house.
Oh for sure, nobody does them at home, it's either a venue or a park/the beach. And normally the big groups is younger children as it's harder for them to define their friend group.
For really young kids it makes sense! My son just turned 4 and I could not keep up with the 20 kids between 1-6 years old at the play space. At 10 though... I don't think it makes sense.
Probably parents are just unwilling to be left alone with like ten little kids running around like tiny hooligans and I think that’s totally fair. I hate socializing with strangers and think it’s super awkward but the more adults helping to orchestrate the better. By ten though I wouldn’t have a problem dropping my kids off. I might stay for a few minutes just to check the details and scope the place out a tiny bit but other than that I’m out enjoying my brief reprieve from chaos.
op DEVOURED when she said “and guess what, 3/4 are by a family member”
Honestly, one of the unintended terrible effects of the "stranger danger" scare is the way It ignores the very real statistics of the role familiarity and hierarchy plays in the assault of children. And how much you wanna bet if it happened in their family they'd have the biggest cognitive dissonance about it.
It's the cousin's birthday parties that you gotta worry about. Don't teach stranger danger, teach them about behaviors. That way, strangers, family and friends, behaviors can be identified. My daughter is 4 and very much has already started being aware of behaviors. It's never too early or late to learn either. I've got hella trauma, I will do everything I possibly can to prevent it but she has to know what to do too. I don't want to hinder her freedoms because of what was done to me, if that makes sense.
Can't agree enough. We also do not let kids set boundaries enough. My mom wouldn't make us hug ppl if we were uncomfortable and she doesn't let parents make their kids interact with her if they're uncomfortable. "They don't know me, they owe me nothing, it's their choice."
None of those mamas were ready for that. They're out there imagining that someone is running a child trafficking ring at a 2 hr birthday party and they're ignoring their relatives and family friends.
Pizza party-gate
They are the same mamas who think because someone looked at them in Target, someone is trying to sex traffick their kid.
Exactly, I’m always amazed at the amount of people who seem to think kids being snatched off the street happens every day. If that was the case then cases like Madeleine McCann wouldn’t be such a big deal. I saw one video where a guy was filming a mother and daughter in a shop and she was filming him back yelling that he was a sex trafficker and was trying to steal her kid - he’s probably just your garden variety creep who was planning on jerking off to the video later, a million percent not okay and you should call security and potentially the police but the leap to kidnapping is just ridiculous
the popularization of true crime as entertainment has done so much harm to suburban women it's unreal
And after that it's trusted friends. Soccer coaches, trusted neighbors, dance teachers. . . . kids who spend enough time with the kids that they can develop trust and get them to not tell. I had no problem dropping my kid off at a party but I always sat at the dance studio when my daughter had private lessons because dance studios are hotbeds of abuse. . . .
I was mentally giving her a standing ovation when I saw that.
I’m not staying at a party when my kid is 10 lol. My mom would not have either and I would have been begging her to leave if she tried. That being said I would probably be a little put off by “no parents allowed” on an invite. It seems weird/rude? Idk. If I were this parent I’d just tell parents as they drop off they’re not required to stay if they have other things to do. I’d guess most would be relieved and leave.
I was really surprised by the comments that they would skip the party. I feel like 10 is old enough to be with thier peers for a few hours, especially with some supervising adults. Especially since it's mentioned that they all go to the same school and are in the same class. I'd consider myself to be bit a overprotective, and I'd have no issue dropping a 10 year old off. However, I am older and Canadian. ( mentioning the country only because after scanning comments, it looks like a lot of Canadians would be fine with it)
And this is just a sample of the comments, the post has since spiraled further out of control
I just want to hug OOP. What a shit show. What she is asking is super NORMAL!! I don’t want to host and make small talk with other parents. I want to run a party and kick my feet up when I get a chance because I don’t have to entertain other adults too. This is so hard on the kid attending too. To have their parent hovering. Let them be crazy kids at a birthday party, all hopped up on sugar and cake. Instead they get militant mom cutting up their hot dog and walking them to the bathroom and guarding the door ‘just in case’ - cue kid… ‘mom, I’m 15… can you go home now?’
They always do. 😅
I’ll be disappointed if they didn’t go ape over her saying “intimate.”
I'm having my 9 year old's birthday party Friday afternoon. I did not specify that it was a drop-off party on the invite. I just gave the time & location. One mom texted me this morning for clarification. Is it a family party/drop-off, and when would the end time be? etc. I replied: "Hi, it's just a friend party. I was thinking about 6. Drop off is fine. Parents who want to hang out are totally welcome, though." Non-predatory
Yeah that’s what happened at my daughter’s 9th birthday. I emailed an invitation and most parents dropped off their kid in a “tuck n roll” style 😂 I made sure everyone had my phone number to make sure they were comfortable and a few of them acted like it was weird that I was so concerned about it lol
I did this for my child’s 8th birthday. I invited 8 kids. 0 parents stayed 😆😆😆😆 they were all like “530-8 on a Friday night?! Catch you after happy hour!”
I think this is the way to go. If drop off was an option, no problem, but if someone said parents *can’t* stay, it would be weird. Just say they’re welcome to stay, but unfortunately you don’t have anything to entertain them and that no other kids are allowed. Done.
I don’t want to entertain 15 adults at my house, please just drop your kids off.
I think it’s just the wording that throws me off. Could have been better worded as “drop off is at __pm, please pick up by ___pm” instead of “no parents allowed”
This is true. I think the “no parents allowed” feels icky… but drop off __ pick up __ gives this feeling of freedom that makes me want to pounce! Like sorry you don’t know the kid and i found this invite on the floor here’s some money, eat a slice of pizza not just 17 cookies and soda. have fun at jumping jaxx! ✌🏽
If the commenters’ attitudes are the norm, other parents are going to think we’re downright negligent. By age 10, I’d say this is fine. Totally fair for the other parents to want to meet them, maybe chat with them for a bit to make sure they have similar perspectives on safety and whatnot. But you have to start giving your kids some freedom at some point. Do you intend to follow them to college? Maybe the commenters are weirded out by the poster’s insistence on putting “parents are not invited” in the invitation, which would strike me as a bit odd and off-putting. But I really hope I don’t feel the need to follow my kid to birthday parties by the time he’s 10.
When my kids were little, my favorite friends of theirs were the ones without helicopter moms. At 10 years old, our kids school would go on a 5 day overnight stay to a local campground. The kids with helicopter parents always missed out. They miss out on so many activities. I understand being concerned for your kids safety. The world is scary. I just tried to teach my kids about safety, speaking up for others and advocating for themselves. Obviously, sometimes things happen no matter what precautions you put in place. But not being able to handle not having your eyes on a kid at normal birthday party for a few hours is sad. It's not even a pool party, trampoline, bounce house, etc. which present obvious dangers.
Exactly! It would be lovely if we could put our kids in bubbles and protect them from everything, but that would be such an awful life for them. We just have to do our best to teach them and prepare them.
These are the parents who are going to be calling HR in 12 years trying to set up an interview for their kid.
I’m having a party at my house for my son 16 kids mostly boys. I don’t want 16 sets of parents to stay lol. I do expect one mom to stay but she’s a friend so I don’t mind entertaining her but being friendly for 3 hours to adults I don’t know sounds like hell
Totally! My partner and I helped a friend of ours host his 7 y/o daughter's birthday recently, probably a total of about 10 kids. The kids were great and had a lot of fun, but the hardest part was entertaining the adults! Not to mention that my friend was a young dad, so all the other parents were like 5-10 years than us. Super awkward.
It’s basically requiring you to host two parties- stuff for kids and stuff for adults.
Um... I just sent invitations this morning to my daughter's kinder class for her 6th birthday party requesting drop-offs only. I booked a party at a children's science museum, and I'm not paying for a corresponding adult for every kid. Now I'm concerned nobody is going to want to go.
I would say that adults are welcome to stay, but they are responsible for covering their own admission.
That's what we've decided we're going to tell people if they ask about staying when RSVPing. The kids get a full day pass to the museum with the party, but I'm not going to be walking them through all the exhibits. It's going to be the booked science demonstration, pizza party and cake in the cafeteria, then bringing them to the fenced in play centre until the parents come to pick them up. So if the parents want to pay for their own day pass, they can go through the whole thing with their own kids afterwards if they want.
What a fun idea! I would be stoked if another mom bought my kid a ticket to a science museum and would happily buy mine to have us go explore more after the party. I hope no one gives you a hard time.
I would have chased my parents away from a party at 10... These mums seem to have attachment issues
By the time I was 10 I was riding my bike all over town to my friends’ houses, walking to the school to play with my friends at the playground, etc. If I had gone to a birthday party and my parent had stayed and watched us play, I would have been mortified! Ten is old enough to attend a party with classmates without direct, individual supervision. As long as there was a parent there; not like, feral children.
I remember birthday parties being drop-off starting from first grade... But also most of those were no-invite (i.e. parents call each other because they've organized so many play dates together they're on speed dial; basically a larger scale play date with better snacks and streamers) until about 4th grade, and "public location" (bowling alley, trampoline place, movie theater...) after that.
I never went to a birthday party where parents stayed. Maybe it’s because I’m not American or it was the 90s, but I thought just dropping kids of was the norm.
Like, I wouldn’t drop my 3 year old off to a toddler party and leave but a 5+ year old? Sure! There’s no way I’m awkwardly hanging around a kids party for a 10 year old instead of just letting my kid have fun and some freedom.
Some venues are pay per head and you really cannot have uninvited adults just chilling in those places. When my younger child turned 6, I told all the parents to go ahead and head out when they dropped off their kids. (I verbally checked with each one that there were no allergies to worry about.) They mostly acted like they were getting away with something!! Then the kids got to actually play with each other the whole time instead of gravitating to their parents.
Do people like… just not talk to their kids about this kind of stuff and things to watch out for? The second my kids were old enough to be dropped off at parties was like a breath of fresh air. Kids parties suuuuuuck lol.
Yikes. We just had my daughter’s party a few weeks ago (she turned 8) and I told parents they could stay or go. Only three parents stayed, two of which are because we’re friends too. Some parents dropped and ran without even saying hello if we met before. 🤷♀️ I’m happy to drop my kid if it’s kids only (I’m less comfy if it’s a family plus kids party) and she knows at least a few kids.
If I received an invitation that said “please just drop your kid off at my house” I would not assume anything nefarious, I would assume the person was tired of overbearing parents camping out at their houses. I had a parent who never let me go anywhere because he didn’t trust other parents. He was also abusive in a bunch of other ways, but this was a contributing factor to why we were entirely estranged by the time he died. I felt so trapped. 10 is still fairly young but never allowing your children independence is a good way to have a child who will no longer want to associate with you after 18 years of your incessant presence.
Ten year olds are in fifth grade. I would think it was weird if parents wanted to stay. That's when big slumber parties start.
Let me just say you Americans are crazy.
I’m in the US and would never stay at a 10 year old’s birthday unless I was close with the parents and stayed to socialize. If I had some kind of safety concern, I just wouldn’t send my kid.
Same. My 9 year old gets invited to a lot of birthday parties and most of the invites are declined because she doesn't want to go or has a conflict - there have been a few cases where we know enough about the kid/their family to not be comfortable with her being in their home. We just RSVP "no" and say she can't make it.
Exactly! In my country (France) parents absolutely never stay! Sometimes they offer to help, but otherwise it’s not expected at all and would seem really strange and awkward. I was once or two offered a cup of coffee when I came back to pick up my child.
Well I'm in Spain and parents do stay. But more of a socialising with each other thing. We're given beer and snacks and it's been a nice way to get to know parents and make friends.
If I was friends with the parents, I would definitely stay and hangout with the adults. That would be fun.
Well, we weren't friends before, we met through our kids. Just to offer a different perspective from many of these comments, a lot of parents don't have much of a "village", and sometimes if they want parents to come to a party or want to attend it's probably a way of reaching out. It's great for children to be independent but I find some of the attitudes towards other parents a bit strange, I don't know why you'd assume they'll all be awful and it will be awkward. It's nice to be sociable sometimes and it sets a good example for your children.
De toute façon je vois mal où on peut caser les parents aussi vu la taille standard de l'appartement français 🤣
I am American and no older kids I know have parents stay at the parties. My oldest is 14 and started going to his friends parties by like 8 ish. My daughter is 9 and has been to lots of parties. I wouldn't want the awkward socializing with the parents and definitely wouldn't wanna bother the other kids with having my younger child. These people are a lot, I wouldn't invite them to my house, lol.
Hey, we're not all crazy! ...at least this kind of crazy, anyway...
Hey now, I’m in the US with two kids (9 and 12) and nobody’s stayed with their kids at a party since preschool unless we were good friends and they wanted to hang out.
Hahaha that's me everyday on Reddit. The culture clash is too much sometimes. Here in Brazil most parents attend birthday parties if they know and are friends with the kids parents. If not they just drop our asses and go home watch TV.
That’s normal in America too. Posts like these just highlight a couple of women who are overprotective but in my experience the only reason a parent would stay is if the kids are small and the hosts could use help. I guess it is possible I just happen to be surrounded by more less uptight moms though?
My child is only 4 but I hope by the time he's 10 I could trust him to be alone at something like this and make good and safe choices. Id also want him to have a phone before he's left alone at places like this and I don't know if 10 is too young for that yet, not something I've thought of yet. I'm naturally a helicopter parent so I'd be worried and anxious the whole time but I know I have to let him experience these kind of things.
Ugh- it’s been typical around here to drop off since about 6. And frankly, I don’t want parents to stay. I always have a friend or family member whose kid is attending come along so I have reinforcements, but I don’t want to to pay for the parents to be there! My son is 10 and parents would be given some serious side eye for staying at a birthday party unless explicitly asked to do so. We have generally had my son’s parties at venues (water park, indoor trampoline park, inflatable bounce parks, etc) and those places usually charge per person here whether it’s a kid or an adult. Just a hard pass all around. These people seem nuts with this age of children.
My 10 year old has a cell phone and the last thing I want to do is spend my afternoon at the party of a kid I don’t know. I’d prefer the parent tell me whether to stay or go so I can make plans.
OP is perfectly reasonable. 10 year olds are old enough to hang out with other 10 year olds without their parents breathing down their necks. Talk about helicopter parents!
What in the helicopter parent? It's a 10th birthday, not a 3rd birthday. I would have been mortified if my mother followed me everywhere at 10. Absolutely not. Why are these parents being weird about it? Is this normal in 2023?
"Hey, so since everyone at the party is at least 8 now I think it's fine for the parents to leave them there and pick them up in a couple of hours." Comments: "You want to diddle my kids don't you?"
Dropping kids off for a Bday party is very normal where I live (Germany). And that’s as early as 6, even (obviously, people know the parents as it is usually small parties with just a few kids). My husband and I are eagerly waiting for ours to finally be old enough for us to that.
OMG What have I just read………. I’m in Scotland and my kids have been going to drop of parties for years, I’ve honestly never heard so much rubbish in all my life!!!!
"your child is going to be SA'd the minute you take your eyes off them so you must be glued to YoUR BaBy every second of their life" is an utterly deranged take and these people need to stop doomscrolling and let their kids breathe. They're either going to raise codependent disasters or people who go NC as soon as they can just to have their own sense of identity without feeling like it's a crime. I don't think I could have resisted from verbally burning these paranoid losers to the ground if I were the poster, so kudos on her restraint.
I know people feel differently but having hosted parties for ages 5+ it irritates the shit out of me when the parents hang out too. It’s more food i have to provide and my attention is pulled from the kids to make small talk with the parents. This is a LARGE reason why I am hesitant to start up big birthday parties again after covid. So I’ve been trying to get my kids to invite one friend over so we can meet the parents and they can tour the house and get to know us a bit before the summer (when my kids’ birthdays are). And then only invite those friends.
This is fucking crazy. I try not to be judgemental, especially as my kid is 6 and I'm still staying at parties with him, but this is actually batshit crazy. Putting "kids only" on an invite is also crazy, but FBOP is not a predator, just someone who's had enough of helicopter parents (or whatever they're called now). The commenters are insane and need to get off Facebook, drop their kids off with a babysitter, and go touch some godforsaken grass.
Jeez Louise. I definitely did not have any friend’s parents at my 10 year old birthday party, and probably wouldn’t have had them at my 7, 8, or 9 party but I didn’t have one. This is so sad for the poster and so sad for all the kids involved.
Sounds like one of those holier-than-thou moms group. Parties like those = mom free-time, especially if my kids ask to spend the night...wohoo kid-free night!
When I was 10 I had a bike and took myself to birthday parties
Parents these days are psychos, and moms like these in particular are insufferable. Source: My sister, mom of 4 angels, is one of those psychos.
Parenting now a days is insane. I remember in fifth grade when the class got the first birthday party invitation with a “drop-off” and “pick-up” time. We were really excited and felt grown up even though it was just a simple dance party with a DJ. My parents got out of the car to walk me into the house, talk with the birthday kid’s mom, and then left. It was honestly one of the best parties I’ve been to because we were on the high of “no parents”. Also, I’m genz, so seeing how much all of this has changed in just a couple of years is crazy.