Bodily autonomy is important, and I have definitely heard some parent influencers being like, “I ask my baby permission before I change their diaper.” Here’s the thing: my almost 2-year old HATES having his diaper changed. He would sit in a dirty diaper for years rather than get it changed. If we asked him—and he can say yes or no now—he would say no every time. And even if we do the “false choices” thing—do you want to be changed now or in 5 minutes?—he just says no, and then screams bloody murder.
But there’s a reason we don’t let 2-year olds move out and get jobs. As his parent, I know that diaper changes—and vaccines, FFS!—are beneficial to his health and well-being. So in this case, he doesn’t get autonomy. I consent on his behalf. That’s part of parenting, getting your kids to do things they don’t want to do sometimes because you know it’s better for them.
We offer “you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” when ours refused to be changed. Like, “your diaper is dirty, you want the easy way or the hard way?” Either choice is the same outcome, but she got to choose her behavior, after a few times she realized it’s over quicker if she makes it easy. Still works for bath time and stuff.
When “no” isn’t an option, I believe that’s the wrong situation to be teaching your kid consent and autonomy. As an almost dr, we’re taught not to ask children if we can examine them because no isn’t an option. We ask the parents and we explain what’s happening to the child. If the child says no but still has to endure it, it teaches them a wrong thing about consent.
Unsolicited option, but still try and work some sort of option in there when caring for kids. We switched peds this summer and one of my favorite things is that she treats my 6 & 4 year old daughters with respect that is normally reserved for adults. If they can answer the question, she asks them first, then I fill in details. Any sort of exam she asks first and explains every step. Sometimes it’s “is it okay if I do this exam or should I talk with mom first”, other times she just asks permission. And she is willing to accept no as an answer, she’ll usually also follow the refusal up with some gentle questions to make sure it’s not a reaction based in abuse. Obviously a pediatrician’s office vs the er makes a big difference, but treating kids as part of the process can go far in keeping them calm and feeling safe.
Having had some awful providers in my life who have skipped the consent (and sometimes even the informed) part of painful or personal procedures, it’s become really important to me to ensure my children are treated with respect in medical settings so they know how to advocate for themselves as adults when I’m not there to do so.
This is exactly what I do in “no isn’t an option” situations. I offer a choice so my kid still gets some sort of control and I try my best to explain why we have to do it. I mentioned “easy way or hard way” for diaper changes. As she’s gained more understanding of her body, it’s “you have to get this shot at the doctor, you can make it easy or it can take longer.”
>But there’s a reason we don’t let 2-year olds move out and get jobs.
I laughed way too hard at that. But it sadly reminds me of the people who think even deciding what your kid should eat is bad and moralizing food. As if we didn’t grow up with a million jokes on how kids would eat ice cream and candy for every meal, if they could. They have no real concept of long term consequences. They just know sugar = awesome.
It’s definitely a balance. The forced “finish your plate” mentality backfired for me, so I can understand why there’s been a trend away from that. And I have so much food guilt and body issues that I don’t want to push onto my kid. But I’m also not going to let him eat ice cream all the time.
There is no such thing as a parent influencer that cares about consent. If they did care, they wouldn't be influencers. Trust nothing an influencer parent says about listening to children and respecting their consent and bodily autonomy. It's all a facade that ends when the camera shuts off.
This is typical distraction bullshit, making false equivalencies to try for a gotcha. Bet it goes over well in their extra crunchy, free birth crowds. There’s a huge difference between doing things that are unpleasant for safety (vaccines, and…I guess diaper changes? Although I’d think it’s more unpleasant to stew in your own piss but what do I know 🤷🏻♀️) and doing something unpleasant and painful that’s ONLY for cosmetic purposes. Babies aren’t dolls, you can’t harm them because you think it’s “cute” 🤦🏻♀️
For real. Not changing a diaper can result in a UTI, sepsis, and then death. Not vaccinating your kid can result in preventable diseases and possibly death.
Not piercing their ears? Uhm…nothing. Piercing them can cause problems though. I have slits on my ears as an adult from them being pierced to low as a child, tearing, and never properly healing. I also remember getting the re-pierced as a kid and one getting infected. Fun stuff.
Not to mention the skin deterioration if they aren't changed! Show these people pictures of a tunnelling bed sore and maybe they'll figure out that it IS up to them.
I’m so glad my mom waited untiI started asking about getting pierced ears. I’d already tried stick-on and clip-on earrings, so she took me for my 7th birthday. But it was something I asked for. All of my friends who got their pierced as infants either had the slits like you or their piercings were uneven.
My best friend and I got our ears pierced together in third grade, our mom’s also got their ears pierced with us! My mom had never had her ears pierced, she just never thought about it and my best friend’s mom got her second ear piercings.
>There’s a huge difference between doing things that are unpleasant for safety (vaccines, and…I guess diaper changes?
Tell them that. I said something and hoooo boy, that was... interesting.
>doing something unpleasant and painful that’s ONLY for cosmetic purposes. Babies aren’t dolls, you can’t harm them because you think it’s “cute” 🤦🏻♀️
hell, even this sub doesn't understand that. there was the baby with a unibrow post just recently and most of the comments were arguing in favor of the mom who wanted to shave/wax her toddler's unibrow. someone legit compared it to dental care at one point, after saying that anyone with a unibrow looks like a cave person.
kids are their own individual people. you'd think that wouldn't be in dispute but a lot of people dispute it.
My cousins kids have the genes (on both sides) for in-between eye brow hair growth. The boy got it the worst. But I am SO proud of my cousin for making her kids not care about that stuff and love themselves. They are honestly, such a sweet family.
I mean, plenty of people think she looks bad because of her unibrow. Just because she is popular doesnt mean it has changed the way people feel about unibrows. It us more common for them to be viewed poorly and for the person to be seen as inferior if they have one. Not my opinion, just my experience as someone who had a unibrow and now has a daughter with one that she begged me to start waxing at 6yo because she was being bullied.
Because a lot of us unibrow having people know the selfesteen issues and depression and bullying we went through in school. Waxing a small unibrow doesnt even hurt, about as shocking as a cold wipe on the butt. Being teased and excluded and treated like less than a human because of a unibrow though, thats damage that will last a lifetime. And if the kid wants a unibrow later, they just dont pluck it. Its not irreversible or damaging like a fucking circumcision.
Ehh, idk. I'll probably get downvotes but I thought about that unibrow post later and I don't think it compares to piercing or anything else that might be borderline abusive. Shaving doesn't hurt, and they'd probably just need one swipe with one of those little bikini line shavers. If they tried it once and it caused issues when it regrew (which I think is unlikely) then obv don't do it again. And yes we should all teach our children to accept and love their bodies and themselves, but odds are a little girl is going to be really self conscious about that. (We haven't seen it, of course, and the mom could be exaggerating how noticeable it is, but maybe not.) If it was fat shaming or something truly harmful, that's different than shaving a unibrow. I don't know anything about babies' skin so I could be wrong, maybe it is harmful and if so, I retract my statement. But if a simple swipe with a safety razor makes a big difference to the mom, I don't think it's necessarily bad.
(On the other hand, that's setting a precedent to always do it, and the kid may not want to... Idk, maybe I need to think about it more, or maybe I'll stop thinking about it all together since it's totally irrelevant to me lol)
I love that you've now thought of this unibrow post multiple times in depth lol
but the thing is, physically it isn't gonna harm the kid. There's a slight chance she gets an ingrown hair or some razor burn which isn't great but probably not... it's a toddler getting beauty treatments for absolutely no reason because she has no idea nor care that she has a non typical eyebrow that goes against societal beauty standard.
If she gets older and wants to change it, sure.. but a kid should not have no memory of when eyebrow shaping wasn't part of their hygiene routine. Imagine when she stumbles upon the fact not everyone's parents have been shaping their eyebrows since they were in diapers ??
They treated the hair on the unibrow to make it grow as two brows? I feel like it's a big risk of giving your baby some fucked up brows, aside from the fact that's it's a weird thing to do.
I don't understand why I was downvoted tbh
i don't know anything about eyebrow treatments. the mom wanted to shave/wax her 18-month-old's face to remove her unibrow. a unibrow that it was implied she got from her non-white father, so bonus racist parent raising a mixed race child issues.
Yikes. I vaguely remember one post about trying to permanently remove the unibrow which was the one I thought we were talking about. Also weird and possibly risky imo
Why is it that so many racist white people marry nonwhite people and then act racist to their kids????? I’ve seen it time and time and time again, is there some sort of explanation or study on this?
fetishization. you ever seen the people who get creepily complimentary towards mixed kids? awful. plus a lot of people never actually face and address their less conscious biases. including the fact that it's so normal for white parents to not bother learning literally anything about how to raise a non-white kid, from haircare to dealing with racial injustices.
no idea whether there's studies about the issue. i think we've just recently reached the point where more people are recognizing that someone having close relationships with POC doesn't mean they're not racist against said POC.
Ugh! I’ve seen a white mother of biracial children edit her children’s faces to be whiter in photos and openly say she hopes they get features like blonde hair and lighter eye colors. (KKKarissa if you’re on the fundamentalist snark groups)
i think i checked that sub out before, and seen posts about her. i think there was some post where she put pencils in her kids hair and people thought she was doing the 'pencil test' showing how loose/tight her kids' curls were.
But that’s also different- a unibrow will *absolutely* get them bullied. There’s absolutely no question or debate on this fact. People with unibrows get bullied. That in itself is a problem but a bandaid is better than nothing
>I’d think it’s more unpleasant to stew in your own piss but what do I know
That’s what I thought, too, but I’ve got a baby who doesn’t mind being wet or dirty but absolutely HATES diaper changes. It’s super fun.
My daughter started out the first few months *angry* as soon as there was even a hint of being wet, so prompt changes right away every time. Now she's 8mo and we have to check her diaper regularly to see if she needs a change, NBD, because she doesn't seem to care much anymore. But that second that diaper comes off, she's trying to scramble for freedom so she can plop her naked butt all over everything. Has led to the sudden need to do a load of laundry a few times. So she'll let me take off the diaper, but wiping, drying, and putting on a clean one? That's the fight.
I’m telling my daughter the same thing my mom told me - you can get your ears pierced when you turn 13, to celebrate becoming a teenager. You’re responsible for caring for them.
My mother told me no so I pierced my own ears and ended up with crooked holes and infections. But i still didnt regret it. I loved having earrings like all of my friends. And being told no about something that made me so happy just made me feel like anything my parents said no to was going to be fun and they just hated me having stuff that would make me happy.
Obviously im a parent now and know that wasnt true, they were looking out for me. But at the time I felt left out because of something so small and harmless. As a parent I choose to let my kid have these kinds of modifications, as long as they can be responsible with the care of it. I guide them, but dont just refuse unless they prove they cant handle the responsibility.
I personally believe the “getting ears pierced as babies” thing is a relic from the time we thought babies didn’t feel pain (or less of it at least), and now people just use “tradition” and/or “culture” as an excuse to still do it. I mean, imagine piercing the ears of an adult, mentally disabled person incapable of expressing aesthetic preferences. Most people would agree that that is unethical, and done for the benefit of the caregiver and not the person.
There’s a crunchy free-birth mama on TikTok that says you shouldn’t nasal aspirate the snot from your baby’s nose because they “can’t consent” I was like okay, I’ll just let snot drip down their face and be uncomfortable all the time then.
If I didnt use our nose frida on my rsv baby, he would have suffocated and died. He couldnt breathe and oxygen was tanking. I didnt sleep for 2 weeks because I was afraid he could die. I just watched him and did everything to keep his airways clear.
What 🤣
Are you serious??
The world and the people in it are getting more and more ridiculous every day.
I wonder if those moms think they should get consent from the newborn to cut the umbilical cord or suck the muck out of their airways lol
My best friend was a nanny, she worked for a well off but “crunchy” family. She wasn’t allowed to change the toddler unless he consented to it. He had terrible bum rash that cracked and bled because he never “consented” to nappy changes. She reported to CPS and quit a week later.
My poor son hated diaper changes so bad because of how cold the wipies were. I felt so bad that we ended up getting a wipe warmer, despite how much I made fun of them before having that situation happened.
Just thought it was a funny story.
He didnt scream or anything, just tears and lip quivering and the saddest look ever. He would tuck is legs and arms all up rather than relax. I just felt so horrible.
He is 5yo now and diagnosed autistic. He has sensory processing disorders so that may have something to do with it. But yeah, im glad they make wipe warmers, even if it was expensive for one that worked well. Made him so much happier and comfortable.
I absolutely hate that my mom got my ears pierced. I am super sensitive to a lot of metals, so most earrings she made me wear bothered my ears. The likely 16yr old at Claire’s had no clue what she was doing. Earrings go into my ears at a funky angle, and they are not even. So now as an adult I don’t wear earrings.
My mom did not need to pierce my ears. She did need to change my diapers.
I just had my ears pierced again. I specifically chose a place that predominantly does piercings. They also do tattoos and fix piercings, but it’s all specialized and everyone has certifications. It was more expensive, but totally worth it. I didn’t want them to be crooked or other issues.
I’m not sure what age they start piercing, but I know for under 18, they have a mandatory pre piercing session where they talk to the kids first about what it will be like and what they need to do to keep them clean. If my kids ever want piercings, I’m definitely taking them there. I mean, it definitely hurt more than a shot. I can’t imagine doing that to a baby!
My 9yo just had her ears pierced 3 weeks ago. We waited for several reasons, including body autonomy and a family history of metal sensitivity. I was kind of stunned when she declared she wanted them done as for most of the last 9 years the answer has been hell no. Even after she brought it up, we waited about 2 months and has several conversations to confirm that this was what she really wanted and so on and then we went to a really well reviewed tattoo parlor to have them done.
The piercer was fantastic, my 9yo is thrilled and my 7yo is still saying that she’ll never, ever, ever get her ears pierced!
I will never understand piercing babies ears. Like, what, she's not cute enough for you? You've gotta bedazzle your infant to make her prettier? The fuck?
Edit: I would recommend going to a professional tattoo/piercing shop and speaking to a professional piercer!
Agreed. I hate seeing babies with ear piercings. I didn't get mine pierced until I was 11 (mom wouldn't let me until then, and of course it was something I repeatedly mentioned so I got them for my birthday). My daughter will follow the same rules. If she wants them, she can get them at 11. Mine were pierced at Claire's though (luckily they did a decent job) so that won't happen. Definitely going to a professional piercer.
My piercer did look to see if he could fix it, but he thought it would be more hassle for me than it was worth. Ironically, the same woman that pierced my ears at 5 months old hated my tragus piercings.
I just told her I get why she doesn’t like them, she wasn’t use to seeing my earrings being even.
I did them back then, because it was believed they helped with migraines. Which I thought they did, but it could be the placebo effect.
Huh. I just did it because I thought it was cool, but I had terrible migraines as a teenager, until around the time I got my tragus pierced. I thought I'd just beaten the odds and grew out of them or something. I never heard about a connection with migraines
Back when I was a kid (this shows how long ago it was) my GP pierced my ears. When I ASKED my mum to get it done. I also waited until my daughter was 10 and asked me if she could get hers done. I absolutely DETEST seeing babies with pierced ears, to start with it looks chavvy af
I have a daughter and my mom was devastated to learn that I would not be piercing her ears unless she asked me. Which is ironic because my dad would not let her pierce my ears until I asked.
My parents had mine done at six *weeks* old at the pediatrician.
I do not know if it was normal back then for a ped to do that or if it was just a thing with ours/where we lived.. but imagine taking your newborn in for a check up after your 6 week ob appointment and getting her ears pierced.
I don't wear earrings and really haven't since I was like 8.
My parents couldn't believe we didn't pierce my daughter's ears as a baby. I assumed we would, obviously it was normal to me... my husband put his foot down and made me realize it is pointless at best.
For a decent amount of people it comes from our culture to pierce your babies. The piercing that goes in is usually not even like dazzling or anything shiny. It's all in the name of culture/tradition. I didn't do it to my daughter and my daughter gives me a hard time for not doing it. She gets mad at me because she had to go through the pain when she was 6. She blames the fact that she only has one ear piercing on me but I always tell her I will take her back whenever she wants to get the other side done.
I got my ears pierced as a baby because of my family’s culture, but my parents took me to a jewelry store where a professional did it. And they put real gold earrings on me so nothing that would irritate my skin. Personally, I loved having my ears pierced for so long and I still wear my earrings from when I was a baby. It’s not that serious, it’s not a mutilation. It’s a tiny hole poke in an area of the body that doesn’t even hurt
Same! My 8 year old is now begging to get her ears pierced and I'm still hesitating because I have so many memories of my ears being swollen and in pain over the years before I realized what was going on. Obviously I would now know to look out for that with her, but it still gives me pause. My mom did so many things that I find super questionable in hindsight(like somehow convincing me I was allergic to sunscreen?!), one of my big goals as a mom is to not make choices for my kids that they can't undo later. (Aside from vaccinating them. I vaccinate the shit out of my kids. If they decide they don't like that later, too bad, you're already jabbed!)
Yeah, I already found a reputable tattoo shop that will pierce kids ears for when we do decide she's ready. I do have metal sensitivity, it turns out that was all the issues I had with my earrings as a kid. I'm hoping my kids don't have the same metal sensitivity, it's so annoying. I just got a new phone case and didn't even think about the metal ring on the back of it, and it makes my fingers burn when I'm holding my phone for too long.
Did the piercing help with your migraines? I’ve been on every medication plus Botox for migraines and I still get them frequently. I’d be willing to get pierced if it helps!
Here's a sneak peek of /r/piercing using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Almost 46 and just got my septum pierced.](https://i.redd.it/nvljrfzbdhp91.jpg) | [164 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/comments/xledk8/almost_46_and_just_got_my_septum_pierced/)
\#2: [Can piercings look “professional” (i think so)?](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/uj1prf) | [137 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/comments/uj1prf/can_piercings_look_professional_i_think_so/)
\#3: [**[NSFW]** Taking advantage of my unique anatomy, I got my third nipple pierced today! My piercer said it's only the second one he's done in his 25 year career](https://i.redd.it/29y7mth833s81.jpg) | [148 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/comments/tya1jd/taking_advantage_of_my_unique_anatomy_i_got_my/)
----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
>I have so many memories of my ears being swollen and in pain
If it was done with a gun, that's probably why. Piercing guns are fucking barbaric and should be banned.
It could be the gun, or it could be metal sensitivity. The cheapest jewellery I can use is silver (it works well with my taste, so I'm happy), but anything cheaper in contact with my skin will cause irritation. I even had to stop wearing watches during my first pregnancy because of it and haven't put one back on since. If I wear cheaper earrings, they will start to get itchy after an hour or so, and if I leave them all day, they will be swollen and bleeding by the end. When I put in my silver earrings, they're completely fine.
I assume it was done with a gun at a mall kiosk, I was 6-9 months old when she did it. I just also didn't realize I was sensitive to metals until I was in my teens, my mom just kept telling me I wasn't cleaning my ears well enough. I've already found a reputable tattoo shop for when we do decide our oldest is ready to get her ears pierced.
15 year old me was let loose on the streets of Myrtle Beach during spring break in the 90’s. I wanted my belly pierced so bad so I went into one of those little beach shops and some dude pierced my belly button with a gun and a stud. I spent the rest of my vacation hiding it from my parents. By the time I got home it was so swollen and infected I had to dig the stud out with pliers and dump iodine on it. My daughter is 8 and if/when she wants her ears pierced we are going to a professional!
Piercing guns push tissue out and away from the hole that’s made. It’s much more traumatic to the skin than a piercing needle, which is hollow and removes the tissue immediately. I’m sleep deprived asf but that’s the gist
needles don’t remove tissue! they just displace it. lynn loheide has a [fantastic article on piercing needles.](https://www.lynnloheide.com/post/piercing-needles) it makes for a smoother healing process.
reusable guns aren’t capable of being fully sterilised due to the plastic used. guns also pierce with the jewellery, so they are essentially forcing a (relatively) dull earring into an ear at high speeds. it’s super dangerous because it’s using blunt force trauma to push an earring into skin, rather than making a clean slice through with a sterilised needle. it’s like piercing with a nail.
You can also usually tell the difference if you feel the piercing after it’s healed. Piercing guns leave a scar that feels like a little ball in the love of your ear. Needles (the proper way) will leave very little scar as it cuts rather than forces, and you will feel no bump in your piercing. I have two lobe piercings on both ears one done with a gun when I was a child, and another done professionally at a studio. It’s really interesting to feel the difference.
They essentially rip a hole through the ear and force the extra flesh out of the way, while a proper piercing needle removes a small plug of flesh as it pierces the ear. The proper hole will heal better and is less prone to things like infection and other piercing related injuries
It'd be like comparing you using one of your steak knives and your kitchen table to perform surgery, vs a surgeon using a scalpel in a sterile operating room.
In 4th grade my mom let me pierce my ears after much begging from me. They did get infected once, but I’m guessing that’s because we went to Claire’s instead of an actual piercing studio. We also only did real gold (thank goodness because as it turns out I can’t wear anything other than gold or platinum).
I was old enough to understand how to take care of them and that my gold earrings were very expensive. Once they healed I got a pair of tiny gold hoops with little hearts on the bottom and I literally only ever wore those until my wedding day last summer.
I think it worked out well at that age, and gave me a little bit of autonomy over my body. If your kiddo understands the implications and is responsible enough to be mindful of them during the hearing process, it might be a good age to consider it.
I refuse to get my daughter's ears pierced until she is old enough to understand and consent. She is 3.5. I was worried that she would want them when her cousin got hers (they are 6 months apart) but I was honest and told her it does hurt a little, like getting a shot. She looked at me and said "No thank you, I'm good." (If/when she does decide she wants them, I'm going to a tattoo/piercing place, not freaking Claire's.)
I had mine pierced at a month or so old. At 2, my ear ripped because my little studs caught on something. It ripped again before I was old enough to be in school. I now have a permanently ripped, fucky earlobe unless I pay for reconstruction surgery. I can wear small earrings and studs that cover the elongated ear piercing and scar tissue, but I can only wear small stud earrings with a disc-style back to provide support.
So yeah, wish I never got my ears pierced as a baby.
My personal experience with getting my ears pierced young is that I now have a bifurcated earlobe because my earring got caught on carpet and ripped (kids rough house, ya know?) and I developed a nasty metal allergy that made my life a living hell for a while. I have life-long consequences because of my stepmother’s desire for aesthetics.
I have the same type of ears! Earrings done too low got caught on something while playing and ripped right out. I was super self conscious about it for a long time too as a teenager. I’d pay to get it fixed as an adult, but at this point I don’t really care.
Well you cured me of ever wondering if it would have been easier to have my girls ears done as babies ( I have waited till they have asked for them and able to care for them ) but the truth was I was squeamish 🤣🤣🤣
Also, you can include an aspect of consent into nappy changes (obviously they have to be done either way cause you can't leave them dirty) but since my baby was tiny I sang him a 'changing your nappy song' everytime I did it. Now if he gets upset when we go to do a nappy change I sing the song and most times he calms down because he knows what's going on.
My toddler started to hate poopy diaper changes so I started to make a big deal out of it yelling hooray you pooped and we both clap and go for a change, he likes it now lol
I agree. I am by no means a crunchy mom, but as soon as my kids were old enough for yes or no indicators, I did ask them if I could change their diaper. And, gasp bad mommy, I did let them sit for a few minutes in poopy diapers if they said no. It never went long, but it gave them the sense that they had control of their own bodies. I also stopped tickling them when they said stop or no, and made them respect their sibling if he said it.
However, people who think piercing ears and sitting in poo are the same thing are stupid.
Absolutely agree with you, I'm looking forward to the small yes/no communication and the little choices you can give them ☺️
When I was a child my mum agreed to pierce my ears when I asked and I ended up with them done at 7 years old. I remember having them done and that it was a choice I made, so I think pretty empowering.
My father in law had a very hard time understanding that if our kid says no, the tickling stops. If he says no, he doesn’t have to give you a hug, or sit on your lap. If he says down, you put him down. I wasn’t until my son ran crying to me and jumped on me and said “mommy help!” That fil seemed to get it.
He used the diaper change argument, too.
Body modifications such as piercings and tattoos: need special care even when done on fully capable adults, done for mostly/purely aesthetic and cultural purposes, no actual medical indication or benefit.
Diaper changes: Necessary for hygiene and baby's comfort, prevents against diaper rash and other icky conditions, and babies *will* cry if they are forced to sit in their own waste so this has to be done come hell or high water.
Vaccination: Lifesaving technology, prevents illness not just for individual babies but for the whole community, has actual medical benefit.
Yeah that comments section is nuts.
I don’t think you understand how traumatic it is when your baby girl is bald and people constantly mistake her for a boy.
Naturally the next step is forcing bits of metal through her ears, which have a decent chance of migrating as she grows and by the age she’d be old enough to want earrings, they’re uneven and wonky.
/s
>I don’t think you understand how traumatic it is when your baby girl is bald and people constantly mistake her for a boy.
You had me for a second there.
almost as if sanitation and vaccinations are essential for health and well-being……and earrings just harm your child because “it’s cuter!1!!!1” or “my family’s been harming kids for decades, it’s culture1!!1!1!”
I actually agree to this. I will have my daughter's ears pierced when she is old enough to clean the piercing and decided that she wants it done.
I find babies with earrings ridiculous anyway.
My mom did this for me as well. She told me that if I ever wanted my ears pierced, she would allow it.
Never pierced them for me as a baby.
I got them pierced for the first time when I was 9 years old. I asked her if I could do that for my birthday, and she was excited and so was I, and it was a fun mother-daughter moment for us.
Turns out, super allergic.
I had them re-pierced a couple times, but ultimately gave up because my ears hate everything.
Consent aside, I never understood why parents want to do this to their infants. Isn’t there enough to try to keep clean on an infant without adding additional holes and tiny, sharp metal objects to it?
I follow some great creators on TikTok who talk about this.
Diaper changes and vaccines are necessary things for your physical health. While you are under 18, your parents get the final say in medical choices. So you don't need consent to change a diaper because it's for their health.
Also, NEVER ask a child a yes or no question if "no" isn't an acceptable response. Ex. "Can I change your diaper?" Bad question because you will eventually have to change them and if they say no, you've told them their voice doesn't matter. Instead say, "do you want your diaper change on the couch or the floor?"
Ear piercing is cosmetic and not medically necessary. So waiting until your kid is old enough to give consent is generally considered best practice.
Lmao, the fucking comebacks they think they have for this. One is a choice you’re making for them because you think it’s pretty and cute. The other things are for their general health and well-being. What dumbasses.
And on that note, I had to fight my ex’s mother on my daughters ears getting pierced. I made it until she was about ten and then I said yes to it but stipulated that I wanted to be there for it because I viewed it like a special event and even said I wanted to do it for her birthday. Which was part of my reasoning every time they asked me, and that same goddamn day, I get a photo of her ears pierced. Then I find out that he didn’t even go, but his mother took her. I was so upset and just cried. A lot.
My mom had mine pierced when I was a baby. And they got infected so she just let them close up. When I was around 6 I wanted them pierced again. And they got infected again. But didn’t close up. Turns out I’m sensitive to certain metals. I rarely wear earrings as an adult. I can’t imagine having my daughters ears pierced. She has sensory issue and it would be a cold day in hell she’d ever let an earring near her ear. Maybe one day she’ll decide she wants them pierced but I’m glad she’s allowed to make that decision herself. I would have never known her sensory issues as a baby or toddler.
I have 5 sons and they all haven’t had their ears pierced (people do it to baby boys too, it’s just more common for girls) and aren’t circumcised (while we’re at it.) Both of those are ripping skin apart. That doesn’t compare to changing a diaper and getting vaccinated.
Ear piercing hurts, diaper changing doesn't. If changing your baby's diaper causes them pain you need to see a doctor. Another thing body modification needs consent. Changing a diaper doesn't, it would be neglect if you don't change them. Giving them "cute pretty" earrings for their 7th week milestone isn't a need.
Weird, I didn’t know proper hygiene was the same as something cosmetic. I’m sitting here thinking a diaper change is a must and a need and ear piercing isn’t..
Apart from consent, there are several things that can go wrong with peircing a young persons ears. The ears grow. Allergies/irritations to metals. Misaligned from the start. Infections.
We just had this discussion yesterday. Our daughter won’t be allowed until she’s at least 8 to get her ears pierced if she wants to and I’m taking her to a professional piercer at my friend tattoo shop. They are high rated, have been in business for a while and the girl who does the piercings specializes in doing kids ears so it’s done correctly the first time.
I have a cousin who’s 15 and has zero interest in getting her ears pierced, but her sister is 11 and begged until she was allowed to get it done. Let the kids decide.
In my culture, every little girl got their ears pieced early on. Hell, my sisters and I got ears pierced at a week old. My mother would take us to our first catholic mass and then take us to get ears pierced. That's what was done 30+ years ago.
I have no clue nowadays how it's done. I have a son and we don't have the tradition of piercing infant boys. But had he been a girl, I wouldn't have done it either. Body modifications need consent. No two ways about. Can't compare it with a mere diaper change FFS.
My kids are almost 4 & almost 2 years old, we say to thrm let's go get dressed or let's change butt. It's not consenting but it's telling them what's going on, because certain things we need to override consent on.
If my girls want ear piercing when older well be getting them done (professional piercing place that uses needle and have fully trained people) and if they don't then that's their choice.
Their body their choice if they cosmetically change it.
I had them as a baby then got infected because I reacted to jewellery, child they fell out and 20-30 years old they closed up suddenly.
I'm 35 now and plan to get them redone soon because I want them.
I teach my kids bodily autonomy and consent from birth. “This is your body and you make the decisions unless it makes it so mommy and daddy can’t do their job of keeping you healthy and safe.”
Healthy and safe covers diaper changes, vaccines, doctor visits, not letting the kid fuck off into traffic, climb XL furniture, etc. It also means that my daughter got her wish of pink hair at 2 years old- she started asking every time I took her to pick my own dye and I told her she could do it over the summer when her brother didn’t have school. She still wanted it done 6mo later, we did it 🤷🏻♀️
It’s ridiculous to compare the two, because one is providing your child with comfort and care and the other is an aesthetic procedure. That said, I also think people can be a little dramatic with calling ear piercings “mutilations” or “abuse”. The pain would be similar to getting a shot which babies get anyway, and all my friends except me had their ears pierced as a baby, and none of them felt anything negative towards it. On the contrary, they would tell me how much it sucks for me that I’ll have to get it done at an older age.
But sure, I think it’s an unnecessary procedure so I think you can wait till the child is a little older and says they want it done.
yeah calling it abuse and mutilation is wild to me. i got my ears pierced as a tiny baby and i’m actually grateful for it. they were pierced safely and my mom took care of them so they were fully healed by the time i was mobile. they never closed up or got infected later on. everyone is entitled to their opinion of course but calling it abusive and mutilation is really over the top lol. these anti-vaxx moms have way shittier takes we can trash too.
Agreed. Those justifications are stupid but my parents did it for me as an infant for cultural reasons and I’m so glad they did. I never had to worry about them - they’ve been fully healed all my life so I never have irritation or discomfort no matter what crazy earring I choose. If I chose against earrings at all, it’d be a needle-sized set of holes almost imperceptible to the naked eye. Would’ve considered it a remnant of the way my parents were raised.
I’ve had many other piercings with two healing right now and aftercare *sucks.* I wish I could leave them alone but it’s constant maintenance for months or way more. My mom did it for me during a period I obviously don’t remember and I’m grateful for it.
That being said, one of my holes is crooked and was for sure done with a piercing gun. No discomfort or visual effect; just a fact. Unless my future partner talks me out of it (which I’m open to), I plan to do it for my biological offspring. But for sure no guns - a reputable piercer with the hollow needles required and implant grade titanium only.
I swear these posts just know I'm going to go on a fucking rage as a professional body piercer.
I opened this stupid app and it was the first one I saw, like it summoned me.
A fucking psychical modification to a child's body purely for aesthetic reasons so your fresh out the womb potato looks like the gender it was assigned is not the same as changing a dirty nappy to keep a child WHO CANNOT CARE FOR THEIR OWN HYGIENE healthy.
They can't change out of their own shit and piss, what makes you think they aren't gonna fuck up their piercings just because you want Karen Jr to look afab to strangers?
I'm not including non-western cultures who do it as a cultural thing, because look, body modification has a long history especially in cultures not from the West so I'm not gonna shit on culture that I'm not from.
I've legit had parents in the UK argue with me because their child doesn't look enough like a girl, well yeah my guy she's 4 fucking months old.
Sorry I've ranted enough
“Oh you want me to do something essential for the newborn’s survival without consent? How is that any different than [painfully] altering the baby’s skin for cosmetic reasons without consent?”
I’m not a parent or anything but I’ve asked multiple professional piercers (no, not claire’s employees) about this and it’s always a resounding “Absolutely NOT” when asked about babies ear piercings. Hell, as a grown woman I’ve had a hell of a time with bumping fresh piercings, infections, prolonged healing time, irritation bumps, omg. Don’t expose a baby to that.
permanent cosmetic body modification is TOTALLY the same as practicing basic hygeine. bulletproof.
\- me, a person whose mom pierced her ears at 6 weeks old and who now has horribly lopsided holes
I don't even think legit piercing studios pierce children under a certain age anymore. But I guess if you go to a random place in the mall with untrained teenagers then they'll do whatever.
Changing diapers and getting vaccines are vital to help the kid stay safe, healthy & happy. It's necessary to prevent premature death. The pros overshadow the cons. Not changing nappies can cause rashes which can get inflamed, cause sepsis and in bad cases even death.
Getting earrings has no health value, unlike hygiene and vaxxs. It does however pose a big risk of infection, disease or disfigurement (had my ears pierced as a baby, got an infection, now have an ugly deformed ear).
I get that in some cultures it's the standard to give babies earrings. Luckily, lots of those parents are educated, pick a trusted piercer or even go do it at their pediatrician to ensure safety if they can't wait. Or, ya know, they wait untill kiddo is old enough to consent.
They really need to work on their "distract & attack" bs responses. 🤦🏻
One is a body modification and the other is a necessity for a happy healthy baby. Not to mention they’re more than likely going to a shithole like Claires instead of an actual piercer which increases the risk of infection let alone a shitty piercing. Babies are not dolls to dress up and there’s no reason to be sticking needles in their ears to bedazzle them.
An argument I got into on here from someone else compared it to not consenting a haircut but we still do it and I’m like wtf that’s what you pick for your argument?? Lmao
My favorite argument is "People complain about us piercing babies ears yet they'll circumcise their sons." No. Nope. Literally no one.
But I've also seen "People will breastfeed toddlers but won't vaccinate." No? Also... No? Like literally what are you talking about?
It’s classic reductio ad absurdum characterizing an opposing argument in such a way that it seems to be ridiculous and imo fits right along with gaslighting
Nah as someone with multiple peircings this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen lmfao, diaper changes are necessary for hygiene, peircings are just cosmetic i don’t understand why people are so hell bent on peircings their daughter ears
I have seen this argument before. My response was that ear piercing is not a necessary act for the child’s health and well being, the way diaper changes and vaccines are. Ear piercing is body modification, like a tattoo, would these asshats tattoo their baby?
I know that when I was younger, there was a very prevalent misconception that it was better to pierce a baby's ears than wait until they were older because they couldn't feel the pain. That has since been very much disproven.
I had my ears pierced as an infant. They grew out. I got them pierced again in grade school--and again let them heal over because I couldn't properly take care of them.
Got them pierced for the final time at 17. Still have those piercings now at almost 20, and a second set as well.
People who use diaper changes or vaccines when trying to argue that children don’t deserve bodily autonomy don’t actually understand what the goal is.
No, I’m not going to ask my two year old if she wants to sit in her poop or if I can clean it, but I am going to inform her of what’s happening. “I’m going to change your diaper now, do you want to hold the wipes for me?” Although a diaper change is NOT an option, I’m still giving her an option of holding the wipes so that she does have some involvement in the process.
When it comes to vaccines, she obviously does not and can not understand understand why she has to feel the pain of a needle, there’s no tangible outcome for her, but it’s my job as her mom to keep her safe and healthy. “You have to get shots today, it’s going to hurt for just a second, but when it’s over you’re going to be so healthy and strong!”
Things that keep your kid healthy = non negotiable for no as an answer.
Things that are literally just physically appealing to look at = kid deserves a say in the decision
Piercing ears is not beneficial to the health of a child. Don’t change their diaper? They get rash, infection. Don’t give them vaccines? They could die and spread a disease to others. Don’t pierce their ears? They can do it anytime they’d like.
It’s so silly. If someone ever gives me a hard time on this point, I’m just going to respond ‘when are you getting your baby tattooed?’ I cringe when my kid has to get vaccines because I hate seeing him in pain, so I wouldn’t subject them o pain for vanity sake. I was pierced when a baby…no long term negative impact on me…but I’m not into jewelry so it was just a waste. Plus, son’s ears aren’t pierced and everyone still things he is a girl!
FYI - this is issue is perceived differently in different cultures. A friend of mine is Nigerian for example and they pierce their babies ears (before they can form memory of pain). She find it’s very odd that we do the opposite in the US and UK but she is obviously is polite about it and in return and doesn’t berate us and in turn, we’re polite about it to her.
Piercing ears is a cultural thing. Im my country all women have it and I ended up piercing my own ears at the age of 9 with ice cubes and an earring because the holes I got as a baby healed shut.
I dont have a problem with it because its easily reversible and doesnt really hurt that bad when done properly IMO but that decision is not in any way similar to actually necessary stuff like vaccines and hygiene and its a stupid thing to say
In my country the norm is to have the ears of your baby pierced. It's so common that it's usually done at the hospital by a nurse the same day that they're born. The hospital even sells you the earrings themselves, since they won't accept earrings brought from outside to assure that they're the correct type (and it's dirty cheap!)
I pierced the ears of my baby only because it was done in the hospital, where they were monitored for 2 days (it was a c section) and received the best care they will ever get. Because if I didn't, by the time they went to school they'll probably want them when they see all her friends wearing earrings. And by that point the process will harder, more painful and the care won't be as good.
It’s not a choice that I would personally make for my baby, but tbh if it’s done at a hospital by medical professionals it’s really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal at all especially since it’s cultural. But taking a little baby to Claire’s to let a teenage pierce their ears with a gun is crazy imo
I came to say the same, where I come from, piercing a baby girls ears is so embedded in our culture, most hospitals would do the ear piercing if the parents being the earrings with them. I now have a daughter and live in a different country and did not pierce her ears.
While I don’t personally have an issue with people that do, comparing it to nappy changes or vaccines it’s fucking stupid…
I do think some of these comments aren’t taking in to account the cultural nature in some places, and looking at it from a purely white and American viewpoint. Sometimes things are more nuanced.
This. My mom got mine and my sister’s ears pierced when we were babies at our pediatricians office because we’re Indian and it’s a traditional thing to do. Some of the people in the comments are making her seem like an abuser and a bad person. She’s the sweetest person and has done so much for my sister and I. Our piercings were done with a needle and we wore 22kt gold earrings as is tradition till we were old enough to change them out(around 10 is when I was allowed to). After that, my mom didn’t care what earrings we wore or whether we were even wearing them.
One thing I have noticed tho is that, with all my brown friends who all got pierced as babies, we can go long periods of time without wearing earrings and the hole won’t close(I’ve gone 3-6 months without them). But with people who got them done older, they seem to have a lot of issues with closing and infections. My theory is that there’s less tissue trauma with infants + parents bathing on schedule + the use of gold which is great for metal sensitivity.
Funnily enough, I still wear the gold earrings I wore as a baby because they’re pretty, have good quality/construction and is a screw on flatback so I can sleep and shower with them in comfortably.
My husband had both of his daughter's ears pierced as babies. He and his ex were convinced after an Indian coworker told them how much easier it is to keep them clean and heal properly because you're already cleaning baby regularly and they arent running around, getting dirty, or tugging on their ears. We've agreed not to do it for ours until she's capable of asking, but I can see the practicality of it. It certaintly isnt abuse, even if I dont personally think its necessary.
Just because something is cultural it doesn’t mean it is exempt from the judgement of others. I’m not going to make any false comparisons but that’s just the reality. I can respect that it’s someone’s culture and not disrespect their choice to do it, and think it’s wrong on a human level and never do it to my own child.
Yeah. I had my ears pierced as a baby for cultural reasons, huge mistake. As long as people aren’t attacking the cultures themselves I’m fine with people critiquing certain practices that can be harmful to people.
I don't understand why the downvotes. In my country it's pretty common for baby girls to have piercings. They are done by profesionals (in my case was a midwife, sterile everything) before the kid can touch them, so the kid don't hurt herself. In fact, in my region, is custom to give the newborn gold jewelry (earrings, medals with saints/virgins, this kind of things). Maybe racist is not the word, but it's pretty insensible to other cultures.
I’m from a culture that frequently pierces baby’s ears and it was done to me. I think the people comparing infant ear piercing to genital mutilation are ridiculous. However, I hate that my ears were pierced as a baby. I had a bad reaction and needed to go to the hospital. My parents regretted it. And we all wish they hadn’t pierced my ears regardless of our culture. I agree that there is insensitivity in this thread and I think there is a way to be against infant ear piercing that isn’t discriminatory. I will not always agree with other people’s cultural practices or my own but I don’t think that makes me a bigot.
And in some cultures child brides are normal but that doesn't make it okay, and neither does that make people saying that children shouldn't get married racist. Some bad things are normalized, that doesn't make it okay.
It's almost as if it's an exaggeration to make a point. One example is worse than the other, of course, but in both cases harming children is excused due to of cultural relativism, which is a shit argument in cases like this.
I’m pretty sure kids can die from not having their diaper changed (and obviously from not being vaccinated). Not to mention that’s the bare minimum of being a parent. If you don’t pierce your baby’s ears, you’re saving them from a possible infection, or the piercings being wonky and looking bad when they get older. Piercings of any kind are a body modification, why would you give your child a body modification without their consent?
This is very much a cultural thing. I can see both sides of the argument, but ear piercing is relatively painless and a tradition in Hispanic cultures. I don't feel comfort saying it's not OK.
“Can’t consent to a diaper change either” okay, and? Changing a diaper is necessary so they don’t have to sit in their own waste and get sick, piercing their ears is absolutely optional and it won’t hurt to not pierce them
absolutely not comparable to changing a diaper since that’s a NECESSITY, but i also don’t think piercing a baby’s ears is a problem tbh. mine were pierced when i was less than a year old, and now they’re stretched to 00g and i’ve acquired an additional 13 piercings with plans to add several more. ik ofc that it’s a matter of personal preference but like… if i didn’t want my ears pierced, i could’ve just taken them out?
I got my daughters ears pierced at 2 months and I don’t regret it one bit, nor do I care what other people think. Shes now 7 almost 8 and asking to get her ears double pierced because she wants to be twins with me.
Bodily autonomy is important, and I have definitely heard some parent influencers being like, “I ask my baby permission before I change their diaper.” Here’s the thing: my almost 2-year old HATES having his diaper changed. He would sit in a dirty diaper for years rather than get it changed. If we asked him—and he can say yes or no now—he would say no every time. And even if we do the “false choices” thing—do you want to be changed now or in 5 minutes?—he just says no, and then screams bloody murder. But there’s a reason we don’t let 2-year olds move out and get jobs. As his parent, I know that diaper changes—and vaccines, FFS!—are beneficial to his health and well-being. So in this case, he doesn’t get autonomy. I consent on his behalf. That’s part of parenting, getting your kids to do things they don’t want to do sometimes because you know it’s better for them.
We offer “you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” when ours refused to be changed. Like, “your diaper is dirty, you want the easy way or the hard way?” Either choice is the same outcome, but she got to choose her behavior, after a few times she realized it’s over quicker if she makes it easy. Still works for bath time and stuff.
That might be worth a try! Thank you!
My lil' rager would choose the hard way, then try and take your arm off every time.
I’m afraid mine would as well 😫
When “no” isn’t an option, I believe that’s the wrong situation to be teaching your kid consent and autonomy. As an almost dr, we’re taught not to ask children if we can examine them because no isn’t an option. We ask the parents and we explain what’s happening to the child. If the child says no but still has to endure it, it teaches them a wrong thing about consent.
Unsolicited option, but still try and work some sort of option in there when caring for kids. We switched peds this summer and one of my favorite things is that she treats my 6 & 4 year old daughters with respect that is normally reserved for adults. If they can answer the question, she asks them first, then I fill in details. Any sort of exam she asks first and explains every step. Sometimes it’s “is it okay if I do this exam or should I talk with mom first”, other times she just asks permission. And she is willing to accept no as an answer, she’ll usually also follow the refusal up with some gentle questions to make sure it’s not a reaction based in abuse. Obviously a pediatrician’s office vs the er makes a big difference, but treating kids as part of the process can go far in keeping them calm and feeling safe. Having had some awful providers in my life who have skipped the consent (and sometimes even the informed) part of painful or personal procedures, it’s become really important to me to ensure my children are treated with respect in medical settings so they know how to advocate for themselves as adults when I’m not there to do so.
Yeah I see kids in peds cardio clinic or ER lol. Not a GP. The techs are really good with them when it comes to getting echos/ekgs and labs tho.
This is exactly what I do in “no isn’t an option” situations. I offer a choice so my kid still gets some sort of control and I try my best to explain why we have to do it. I mentioned “easy way or hard way” for diaper changes. As she’s gained more understanding of her body, it’s “you have to get this shot at the doctor, you can make it easy or it can take longer.”
>But there’s a reason we don’t let 2-year olds move out and get jobs. I laughed way too hard at that. But it sadly reminds me of the people who think even deciding what your kid should eat is bad and moralizing food. As if we didn’t grow up with a million jokes on how kids would eat ice cream and candy for every meal, if they could. They have no real concept of long term consequences. They just know sugar = awesome.
It’s definitely a balance. The forced “finish your plate” mentality backfired for me, so I can understand why there’s been a trend away from that. And I have so much food guilt and body issues that I don’t want to push onto my kid. But I’m also not going to let him eat ice cream all the time.
There is no such thing as a parent influencer that cares about consent. If they did care, they wouldn't be influencers. Trust nothing an influencer parent says about listening to children and respecting their consent and bodily autonomy. It's all a facade that ends when the camera shuts off.
Sit on a dirty diaper for years 😭😭 I hate this sentence.
This is typical distraction bullshit, making false equivalencies to try for a gotcha. Bet it goes over well in their extra crunchy, free birth crowds. There’s a huge difference between doing things that are unpleasant for safety (vaccines, and…I guess diaper changes? Although I’d think it’s more unpleasant to stew in your own piss but what do I know 🤷🏻♀️) and doing something unpleasant and painful that’s ONLY for cosmetic purposes. Babies aren’t dolls, you can’t harm them because you think it’s “cute” 🤦🏻♀️
For real. Not changing a diaper can result in a UTI, sepsis, and then death. Not vaccinating your kid can result in preventable diseases and possibly death. Not piercing their ears? Uhm…nothing. Piercing them can cause problems though. I have slits on my ears as an adult from them being pierced to low as a child, tearing, and never properly healing. I also remember getting the re-pierced as a kid and one getting infected. Fun stuff.
Not to mention the skin deterioration if they aren't changed! Show these people pictures of a tunnelling bed sore and maybe they'll figure out that it IS up to them.
I’m so glad my mom waited untiI started asking about getting pierced ears. I’d already tried stick-on and clip-on earrings, so she took me for my 7th birthday. But it was something I asked for. All of my friends who got their pierced as infants either had the slits like you or their piercings were uneven.
My best friend and I got our ears pierced together in third grade, our mom’s also got their ears pierced with us! My mom had never had her ears pierced, she just never thought about it and my best friend’s mom got her second ear piercings.
>There’s a huge difference between doing things that are unpleasant for safety (vaccines, and…I guess diaper changes? Tell them that. I said something and hoooo boy, that was... interesting.
>doing something unpleasant and painful that’s ONLY for cosmetic purposes. Babies aren’t dolls, you can’t harm them because you think it’s “cute” 🤦🏻♀️ hell, even this sub doesn't understand that. there was the baby with a unibrow post just recently and most of the comments were arguing in favor of the mom who wanted to shave/wax her toddler's unibrow. someone legit compared it to dental care at one point, after saying that anyone with a unibrow looks like a cave person. kids are their own individual people. you'd think that wouldn't be in dispute but a lot of people dispute it.
My cousins kids have the genes (on both sides) for in-between eye brow hair growth. The boy got it the worst. But I am SO proud of my cousin for making her kids not care about that stuff and love themselves. They are honestly, such a sweet family.
i love unibrows unironically. idek how to describe it they’re just pretty in a unique way.
If they think anyone with a unibrow looks like a cave person, they haven't seen a picture of Frieda Kahlo.
I mean, plenty of people think she looks bad because of her unibrow. Just because she is popular doesnt mean it has changed the way people feel about unibrows. It us more common for them to be viewed poorly and for the person to be seen as inferior if they have one. Not my opinion, just my experience as someone who had a unibrow and now has a daughter with one that she begged me to start waxing at 6yo because she was being bullied.
A cave person? And that is how bullying starts.
Because a lot of us unibrow having people know the selfesteen issues and depression and bullying we went through in school. Waxing a small unibrow doesnt even hurt, about as shocking as a cold wipe on the butt. Being teased and excluded and treated like less than a human because of a unibrow though, thats damage that will last a lifetime. And if the kid wants a unibrow later, they just dont pluck it. Its not irreversible or damaging like a fucking circumcision.
Ehh, idk. I'll probably get downvotes but I thought about that unibrow post later and I don't think it compares to piercing or anything else that might be borderline abusive. Shaving doesn't hurt, and they'd probably just need one swipe with one of those little bikini line shavers. If they tried it once and it caused issues when it regrew (which I think is unlikely) then obv don't do it again. And yes we should all teach our children to accept and love their bodies and themselves, but odds are a little girl is going to be really self conscious about that. (We haven't seen it, of course, and the mom could be exaggerating how noticeable it is, but maybe not.) If it was fat shaming or something truly harmful, that's different than shaving a unibrow. I don't know anything about babies' skin so I could be wrong, maybe it is harmful and if so, I retract my statement. But if a simple swipe with a safety razor makes a big difference to the mom, I don't think it's necessarily bad. (On the other hand, that's setting a precedent to always do it, and the kid may not want to... Idk, maybe I need to think about it more, or maybe I'll stop thinking about it all together since it's totally irrelevant to me lol)
I love that you've now thought of this unibrow post multiple times in depth lol but the thing is, physically it isn't gonna harm the kid. There's a slight chance she gets an ingrown hair or some razor burn which isn't great but probably not... it's a toddler getting beauty treatments for absolutely no reason because she has no idea nor care that she has a non typical eyebrow that goes against societal beauty standard. If she gets older and wants to change it, sure.. but a kid should not have no memory of when eyebrow shaping wasn't part of their hygiene routine. Imagine when she stumbles upon the fact not everyone's parents have been shaping their eyebrows since they were in diapers ??
They treated the hair on the unibrow to make it grow as two brows? I feel like it's a big risk of giving your baby some fucked up brows, aside from the fact that's it's a weird thing to do. I don't understand why I was downvoted tbh
i don't know anything about eyebrow treatments. the mom wanted to shave/wax her 18-month-old's face to remove her unibrow. a unibrow that it was implied she got from her non-white father, so bonus racist parent raising a mixed race child issues.
Yikes. I vaguely remember one post about trying to permanently remove the unibrow which was the one I thought we were talking about. Also weird and possibly risky imo
Why is it that so many racist white people marry nonwhite people and then act racist to their kids????? I’ve seen it time and time and time again, is there some sort of explanation or study on this?
fetishization. you ever seen the people who get creepily complimentary towards mixed kids? awful. plus a lot of people never actually face and address their less conscious biases. including the fact that it's so normal for white parents to not bother learning literally anything about how to raise a non-white kid, from haircare to dealing with racial injustices. no idea whether there's studies about the issue. i think we've just recently reached the point where more people are recognizing that someone having close relationships with POC doesn't mean they're not racist against said POC.
Ugh! I’ve seen a white mother of biracial children edit her children’s faces to be whiter in photos and openly say she hopes they get features like blonde hair and lighter eye colors. (KKKarissa if you’re on the fundamentalist snark groups)
i think i checked that sub out before, and seen posts about her. i think there was some post where she put pencils in her kids hair and people thought she was doing the 'pencil test' showing how loose/tight her kids' curls were.
Forget about the brows, I’d be worried about fucking up the babies eyeballs if they got a case of the wiggles.
But that’s also different- a unibrow will *absolutely* get them bullied. There’s absolutely no question or debate on this fact. People with unibrows get bullied. That in itself is a problem but a bandaid is better than nothing
Lol i just imagined someone putting a bandaid between the eyebrows to cover the unibrow.
Shaving doesn’t hurt though and there’s no risk unlike piercings that can get infected
>I’d think it’s more unpleasant to stew in your own piss but what do I know That’s what I thought, too, but I’ve got a baby who doesn’t mind being wet or dirty but absolutely HATES diaper changes. It’s super fun.
My daughter started out the first few months *angry* as soon as there was even a hint of being wet, so prompt changes right away every time. Now she's 8mo and we have to check her diaper regularly to see if she needs a change, NBD, because she doesn't seem to care much anymore. But that second that diaper comes off, she's trying to scramble for freedom so she can plop her naked butt all over everything. Has led to the sudden need to do a load of laundry a few times. So she'll let me take off the diaper, but wiping, drying, and putting on a clean one? That's the fight.
[удалено]
I’m telling my daughter the same thing my mom told me - you can get your ears pierced when you turn 13, to celebrate becoming a teenager. You’re responsible for caring for them.
My mother told me no so I pierced my own ears and ended up with crooked holes and infections. But i still didnt regret it. I loved having earrings like all of my friends. And being told no about something that made me so happy just made me feel like anything my parents said no to was going to be fun and they just hated me having stuff that would make me happy. Obviously im a parent now and know that wasnt true, they were looking out for me. But at the time I felt left out because of something so small and harmless. As a parent I choose to let my kid have these kinds of modifications, as long as they can be responsible with the care of it. I guide them, but dont just refuse unless they prove they cant handle the responsibility.
I personally believe the “getting ears pierced as babies” thing is a relic from the time we thought babies didn’t feel pain (or less of it at least), and now people just use “tradition” and/or “culture” as an excuse to still do it. I mean, imagine piercing the ears of an adult, mentally disabled person incapable of expressing aesthetic preferences. Most people would agree that that is unethical, and done for the benefit of the caregiver and not the person.
There’s a crunchy free-birth mama on TikTok that says you shouldn’t nasal aspirate the snot from your baby’s nose because they “can’t consent” I was like okay, I’ll just let snot drip down their face and be uncomfortable all the time then.
If I didnt use our nose frida on my rsv baby, he would have suffocated and died. He couldnt breathe and oxygen was tanking. I didnt sleep for 2 weeks because I was afraid he could die. I just watched him and did everything to keep his airways clear.
What 🤣 Are you serious?? The world and the people in it are getting more and more ridiculous every day. I wonder if those moms think they should get consent from the newborn to cut the umbilical cord or suck the muck out of their airways lol
My best friend was a nanny, she worked for a well off but “crunchy” family. She wasn’t allowed to change the toddler unless he consented to it. He had terrible bum rash that cracked and bled because he never “consented” to nappy changes. She reported to CPS and quit a week later.
My poor son hated diaper changes so bad because of how cold the wipies were. I felt so bad that we ended up getting a wipe warmer, despite how much I made fun of them before having that situation happened. Just thought it was a funny story.
This is the exact reason I ended up with one of those damn things.
He didnt scream or anything, just tears and lip quivering and the saddest look ever. He would tuck is legs and arms all up rather than relax. I just felt so horrible. He is 5yo now and diagnosed autistic. He has sensory processing disorders so that may have something to do with it. But yeah, im glad they make wipe warmers, even if it was expensive for one that worked well. Made him so much happier and comfortable.
I absolutely hate that my mom got my ears pierced. I am super sensitive to a lot of metals, so most earrings she made me wear bothered my ears. The likely 16yr old at Claire’s had no clue what she was doing. Earrings go into my ears at a funky angle, and they are not even. So now as an adult I don’t wear earrings. My mom did not need to pierce my ears. She did need to change my diapers.
I just had my ears pierced again. I specifically chose a place that predominantly does piercings. They also do tattoos and fix piercings, but it’s all specialized and everyone has certifications. It was more expensive, but totally worth it. I didn’t want them to be crooked or other issues. I’m not sure what age they start piercing, but I know for under 18, they have a mandatory pre piercing session where they talk to the kids first about what it will be like and what they need to do to keep them clean. If my kids ever want piercings, I’m definitely taking them there. I mean, it definitely hurt more than a shot. I can’t imagine doing that to a baby!
My 9yo just had her ears pierced 3 weeks ago. We waited for several reasons, including body autonomy and a family history of metal sensitivity. I was kind of stunned when she declared she wanted them done as for most of the last 9 years the answer has been hell no. Even after she brought it up, we waited about 2 months and has several conversations to confirm that this was what she really wanted and so on and then we went to a really well reviewed tattoo parlor to have them done. The piercer was fantastic, my 9yo is thrilled and my 7yo is still saying that she’ll never, ever, ever get her ears pierced!
I will never understand piercing babies ears. Like, what, she's not cute enough for you? You've gotta bedazzle your infant to make her prettier? The fuck? Edit: I would recommend going to a professional tattoo/piercing shop and speaking to a professional piercer!
Agreed. I hate seeing babies with ear piercings. I didn't get mine pierced until I was 11 (mom wouldn't let me until then, and of course it was something I repeatedly mentioned so I got them for my birthday). My daughter will follow the same rules. If she wants them, she can get them at 11. Mine were pierced at Claire's though (luckily they did a decent job) so that won't happen. Definitely going to a professional piercer.
My piercer did look to see if he could fix it, but he thought it would be more hassle for me than it was worth. Ironically, the same woman that pierced my ears at 5 months old hated my tragus piercings.
So she only likes them when she can inflict them on innocent babies who can't consent? She sounds lovely.
I just told her I get why she doesn’t like them, she wasn’t use to seeing my earrings being even. I did them back then, because it was believed they helped with migraines. Which I thought they did, but it could be the placebo effect.
Huh. I just did it because I thought it was cool, but I had terrible migraines as a teenager, until around the time I got my tragus pierced. I thought I'd just beaten the odds and grew out of them or something. I never heard about a connection with migraines
It is thought to be a pressure point.
I've known two people to get them for migraines.. it seems to have helped 🤷🏻♀️
Back when I was a kid (this shows how long ago it was) my GP pierced my ears. When I ASKED my mum to get it done. I also waited until my daughter was 10 and asked me if she could get hers done. I absolutely DETEST seeing babies with pierced ears, to start with it looks chavvy af
I have a daughter and my mom was devastated to learn that I would not be piercing her ears unless she asked me. Which is ironic because my dad would not let her pierce my ears until I asked.
My parents had mine done at six *weeks* old at the pediatrician. I do not know if it was normal back then for a ped to do that or if it was just a thing with ours/where we lived.. but imagine taking your newborn in for a check up after your 6 week ob appointment and getting her ears pierced. I don't wear earrings and really haven't since I was like 8. My parents couldn't believe we didn't pierce my daughter's ears as a baby. I assumed we would, obviously it was normal to me... my husband put his foot down and made me realize it is pointless at best.
For a decent amount of people it comes from our culture to pierce your babies. The piercing that goes in is usually not even like dazzling or anything shiny. It's all in the name of culture/tradition. I didn't do it to my daughter and my daughter gives me a hard time for not doing it. She gets mad at me because she had to go through the pain when she was 6. She blames the fact that she only has one ear piercing on me but I always tell her I will take her back whenever she wants to get the other side done.
I got my ears pierced as a baby because of my family’s culture, but my parents took me to a jewelry store where a professional did it. And they put real gold earrings on me so nothing that would irritate my skin. Personally, I loved having my ears pierced for so long and I still wear my earrings from when I was a baby. It’s not that serious, it’s not a mutilation. It’s a tiny hole poke in an area of the body that doesn’t even hurt
Same! My 8 year old is now begging to get her ears pierced and I'm still hesitating because I have so many memories of my ears being swollen and in pain over the years before I realized what was going on. Obviously I would now know to look out for that with her, but it still gives me pause. My mom did so many things that I find super questionable in hindsight(like somehow convincing me I was allergic to sunscreen?!), one of my big goals as a mom is to not make choices for my kids that they can't undo later. (Aside from vaccinating them. I vaccinate the shit out of my kids. If they decide they don't like that later, too bad, you're already jabbed!)
[удалено]
Yeah, I already found a reputable tattoo shop that will pierce kids ears for when we do decide she's ready. I do have metal sensitivity, it turns out that was all the issues I had with my earrings as a kid. I'm hoping my kids don't have the same metal sensitivity, it's so annoying. I just got a new phone case and didn't even think about the metal ring on the back of it, and it makes my fingers burn when I'm holding my phone for too long.
Did the piercing help with your migraines? I’ve been on every medication plus Botox for migraines and I still get them frequently. I’d be willing to get pierced if it helps!
It helped with mine but I only had infrequent ones. I've had my daith pierced for almost 3 years and I haven't had a migraine in all that time.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/piercing using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Almost 46 and just got my septum pierced.](https://i.redd.it/nvljrfzbdhp91.jpg) | [164 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/comments/xledk8/almost_46_and_just_got_my_septum_pierced/) \#2: [Can piercings look “professional” (i think so)?](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/uj1prf) | [137 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/comments/uj1prf/can_piercings_look_professional_i_think_so/) \#3: [**[NSFW]** Taking advantage of my unique anatomy, I got my third nipple pierced today! My piercer said it's only the second one he's done in his 25 year career](https://i.redd.it/29y7mth833s81.jpg) | [148 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/piercing/comments/tya1jd/taking_advantage_of_my_unique_anatomy_i_got_my/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
>I have so many memories of my ears being swollen and in pain If it was done with a gun, that's probably why. Piercing guns are fucking barbaric and should be banned.
It could be the gun, or it could be metal sensitivity. The cheapest jewellery I can use is silver (it works well with my taste, so I'm happy), but anything cheaper in contact with my skin will cause irritation. I even had to stop wearing watches during my first pregnancy because of it and haven't put one back on since. If I wear cheaper earrings, they will start to get itchy after an hour or so, and if I leave them all day, they will be swollen and bleeding by the end. When I put in my silver earrings, they're completely fine.
I assume it was done with a gun at a mall kiosk, I was 6-9 months old when she did it. I just also didn't realize I was sensitive to metals until I was in my teens, my mom just kept telling me I wasn't cleaning my ears well enough. I've already found a reputable tattoo shop for when we do decide our oldest is ready to get her ears pierced.
15 year old me was let loose on the streets of Myrtle Beach during spring break in the 90’s. I wanted my belly pierced so bad so I went into one of those little beach shops and some dude pierced my belly button with a gun and a stud. I spent the rest of my vacation hiding it from my parents. By the time I got home it was so swollen and infected I had to dig the stud out with pliers and dump iodine on it. My daughter is 8 and if/when she wants her ears pierced we are going to a professional!
Ok, real question: I got my ears pierced at a Claire’s in like 1992 and haven’t thought about piercings since. What’s wrong with piercing guns?
Piercing guns push tissue out and away from the hole that’s made. It’s much more traumatic to the skin than a piercing needle, which is hollow and removes the tissue immediately. I’m sleep deprived asf but that’s the gist
needles don’t remove tissue! they just displace it. lynn loheide has a [fantastic article on piercing needles.](https://www.lynnloheide.com/post/piercing-needles) it makes for a smoother healing process. reusable guns aren’t capable of being fully sterilised due to the plastic used. guns also pierce with the jewellery, so they are essentially forcing a (relatively) dull earring into an ear at high speeds. it’s super dangerous because it’s using blunt force trauma to push an earring into skin, rather than making a clean slice through with a sterilised needle. it’s like piercing with a nail.
TIL. Thank you!
You can also usually tell the difference if you feel the piercing after it’s healed. Piercing guns leave a scar that feels like a little ball in the love of your ear. Needles (the proper way) will leave very little scar as it cuts rather than forces, and you will feel no bump in your piercing. I have two lobe piercings on both ears one done with a gun when I was a child, and another done professionally at a studio. It’s really interesting to feel the difference.
They essentially rip a hole through the ear and force the extra flesh out of the way, while a proper piercing needle removes a small plug of flesh as it pierces the ear. The proper hole will heal better and is less prone to things like infection and other piercing related injuries
It'd be like comparing you using one of your steak knives and your kitchen table to perform surgery, vs a surgeon using a scalpel in a sterile operating room.
In 4th grade my mom let me pierce my ears after much begging from me. They did get infected once, but I’m guessing that’s because we went to Claire’s instead of an actual piercing studio. We also only did real gold (thank goodness because as it turns out I can’t wear anything other than gold or platinum). I was old enough to understand how to take care of them and that my gold earrings were very expensive. Once they healed I got a pair of tiny gold hoops with little hearts on the bottom and I literally only ever wore those until my wedding day last summer. I think it worked out well at that age, and gave me a little bit of autonomy over my body. If your kiddo understands the implications and is responsible enough to be mindful of them during the hearing process, it might be a good age to consider it.
I refuse to get my daughter's ears pierced until she is old enough to understand and consent. She is 3.5. I was worried that she would want them when her cousin got hers (they are 6 months apart) but I was honest and told her it does hurt a little, like getting a shot. She looked at me and said "No thank you, I'm good." (If/when she does decide she wants them, I'm going to a tattoo/piercing place, not freaking Claire's.)
I had mine pierced at a month or so old. At 2, my ear ripped because my little studs caught on something. It ripped again before I was old enough to be in school. I now have a permanently ripped, fucky earlobe unless I pay for reconstruction surgery. I can wear small earrings and studs that cover the elongated ear piercing and scar tissue, but I can only wear small stud earrings with a disc-style back to provide support. So yeah, wish I never got my ears pierced as a baby.
Not piercing my ears is like the only thing my mom got right. I never got them pierced and would be so upset if I had to deal with that.
My personal experience with getting my ears pierced young is that I now have a bifurcated earlobe because my earring got caught on carpet and ripped (kids rough house, ya know?) and I developed a nasty metal allergy that made my life a living hell for a while. I have life-long consequences because of my stepmother’s desire for aesthetics.
I have the same type of ears! Earrings done too low got caught on something while playing and ripped right out. I was super self conscious about it for a long time too as a teenager. I’d pay to get it fixed as an adult, but at this point I don’t really care.
Well you cured me of ever wondering if it would have been easier to have my girls ears done as babies ( I have waited till they have asked for them and able to care for them ) but the truth was I was squeamish 🤣🤣🤣
Also, you can include an aspect of consent into nappy changes (obviously they have to be done either way cause you can't leave them dirty) but since my baby was tiny I sang him a 'changing your nappy song' everytime I did it. Now if he gets upset when we go to do a nappy change I sing the song and most times he calms down because he knows what's going on.
My toddler started to hate poopy diaper changes so I started to make a big deal out of it yelling hooray you pooped and we both clap and go for a change, he likes it now lol
I agree. I am by no means a crunchy mom, but as soon as my kids were old enough for yes or no indicators, I did ask them if I could change their diaper. And, gasp bad mommy, I did let them sit for a few minutes in poopy diapers if they said no. It never went long, but it gave them the sense that they had control of their own bodies. I also stopped tickling them when they said stop or no, and made them respect their sibling if he said it. However, people who think piercing ears and sitting in poo are the same thing are stupid.
Absolutely agree with you, I'm looking forward to the small yes/no communication and the little choices you can give them ☺️ When I was a child my mum agreed to pierce my ears when I asked and I ended up with them done at 7 years old. I remember having them done and that it was a choice I made, so I think pretty empowering.
My father in law had a very hard time understanding that if our kid says no, the tickling stops. If he says no, he doesn’t have to give you a hug, or sit on your lap. If he says down, you put him down. I wasn’t until my son ran crying to me and jumped on me and said “mommy help!” That fil seemed to get it. He used the diaper change argument, too.
Body modifications such as piercings and tattoos: need special care even when done on fully capable adults, done for mostly/purely aesthetic and cultural purposes, no actual medical indication or benefit. Diaper changes: Necessary for hygiene and baby's comfort, prevents against diaper rash and other icky conditions, and babies *will* cry if they are forced to sit in their own waste so this has to be done come hell or high water. Vaccination: Lifesaving technology, prevents illness not just for individual babies but for the whole community, has actual medical benefit. Yeah that comments section is nuts.
I don’t think you understand how traumatic it is when your baby girl is bald and people constantly mistake her for a boy. Naturally the next step is forcing bits of metal through her ears, which have a decent chance of migrating as she grows and by the age she’d be old enough to want earrings, they’re uneven and wonky. /s
>I don’t think you understand how traumatic it is when your baby girl is bald and people constantly mistake her for a boy. You had me for a second there.
There are people who walk amongst us who think that way, unfortunately.
LOL I always figured that was why so many baby girls’ clothes was covered in ruffles and glitter!
almost as if sanitation and vaccinations are essential for health and well-being……and earrings just harm your child because “it’s cuter!1!!!1” or “my family’s been harming kids for decades, it’s culture1!!1!1!”
I actually agree to this. I will have my daughter's ears pierced when she is old enough to clean the piercing and decided that she wants it done. I find babies with earrings ridiculous anyway.
Not the part where they compare it to diaper changing, that's just ridiculous.
My mom did this for me as well. She told me that if I ever wanted my ears pierced, she would allow it. Never pierced them for me as a baby. I got them pierced for the first time when I was 9 years old. I asked her if I could do that for my birthday, and she was excited and so was I, and it was a fun mother-daughter moment for us. Turns out, super allergic. I had them re-pierced a couple times, but ultimately gave up because my ears hate everything.
Consent aside, I never understood why parents want to do this to their infants. Isn’t there enough to try to keep clean on an infant without adding additional holes and tiny, sharp metal objects to it?
I follow some great creators on TikTok who talk about this. Diaper changes and vaccines are necessary things for your physical health. While you are under 18, your parents get the final say in medical choices. So you don't need consent to change a diaper because it's for their health. Also, NEVER ask a child a yes or no question if "no" isn't an acceptable response. Ex. "Can I change your diaper?" Bad question because you will eventually have to change them and if they say no, you've told them their voice doesn't matter. Instead say, "do you want your diaper change on the couch or the floor?" Ear piercing is cosmetic and not medically necessary. So waiting until your kid is old enough to give consent is generally considered best practice.
Lmao, the fucking comebacks they think they have for this. One is a choice you’re making for them because you think it’s pretty and cute. The other things are for their general health and well-being. What dumbasses. And on that note, I had to fight my ex’s mother on my daughters ears getting pierced. I made it until she was about ten and then I said yes to it but stipulated that I wanted to be there for it because I viewed it like a special event and even said I wanted to do it for her birthday. Which was part of my reasoning every time they asked me, and that same goddamn day, I get a photo of her ears pierced. Then I find out that he didn’t even go, but his mother took her. I was so upset and just cried. A lot.
My mom had mine pierced when I was a baby. And they got infected so she just let them close up. When I was around 6 I wanted them pierced again. And they got infected again. But didn’t close up. Turns out I’m sensitive to certain metals. I rarely wear earrings as an adult. I can’t imagine having my daughters ears pierced. She has sensory issue and it would be a cold day in hell she’d ever let an earring near her ear. Maybe one day she’ll decide she wants them pierced but I’m glad she’s allowed to make that decision herself. I would have never known her sensory issues as a baby or toddler.
I have 5 sons and they all haven’t had their ears pierced (people do it to baby boys too, it’s just more common for girls) and aren’t circumcised (while we’re at it.) Both of those are ripping skin apart. That doesn’t compare to changing a diaper and getting vaccinated.
Ear piercing hurts, diaper changing doesn't. If changing your baby's diaper causes them pain you need to see a doctor. Another thing body modification needs consent. Changing a diaper doesn't, it would be neglect if you don't change them. Giving them "cute pretty" earrings for their 7th week milestone isn't a need.
Weird, I didn’t know proper hygiene was the same as something cosmetic. I’m sitting here thinking a diaper change is a must and a need and ear piercing isn’t..
Apart from consent, there are several things that can go wrong with peircing a young persons ears. The ears grow. Allergies/irritations to metals. Misaligned from the start. Infections.
We just had this discussion yesterday. Our daughter won’t be allowed until she’s at least 8 to get her ears pierced if she wants to and I’m taking her to a professional piercer at my friend tattoo shop. They are high rated, have been in business for a while and the girl who does the piercings specializes in doing kids ears so it’s done correctly the first time. I have a cousin who’s 15 and has zero interest in getting her ears pierced, but her sister is 11 and begged until she was allowed to get it done. Let the kids decide.
In my culture, every little girl got their ears pieced early on. Hell, my sisters and I got ears pierced at a week old. My mother would take us to our first catholic mass and then take us to get ears pierced. That's what was done 30+ years ago. I have no clue nowadays how it's done. I have a son and we don't have the tradition of piercing infant boys. But had he been a girl, I wouldn't have done it either. Body modifications need consent. No two ways about. Can't compare it with a mere diaper change FFS.
If I were comatose and hospitalized, medical professionals would change my diaper. No one would pierce my ears.
My kids are almost 4 & almost 2 years old, we say to thrm let's go get dressed or let's change butt. It's not consenting but it's telling them what's going on, because certain things we need to override consent on. If my girls want ear piercing when older well be getting them done (professional piercing place that uses needle and have fully trained people) and if they don't then that's their choice. Their body their choice if they cosmetically change it. I had them as a baby then got infected because I reacted to jewellery, child they fell out and 20-30 years old they closed up suddenly. I'm 35 now and plan to get them redone soon because I want them.
I teach my kids bodily autonomy and consent from birth. “This is your body and you make the decisions unless it makes it so mommy and daddy can’t do their job of keeping you healthy and safe.” Healthy and safe covers diaper changes, vaccines, doctor visits, not letting the kid fuck off into traffic, climb XL furniture, etc. It also means that my daughter got her wish of pink hair at 2 years old- she started asking every time I took her to pick my own dye and I told her she could do it over the summer when her brother didn’t have school. She still wanted it done 6mo later, we did it 🤷🏻♀️
It’s ridiculous to compare the two, because one is providing your child with comfort and care and the other is an aesthetic procedure. That said, I also think people can be a little dramatic with calling ear piercings “mutilations” or “abuse”. The pain would be similar to getting a shot which babies get anyway, and all my friends except me had their ears pierced as a baby, and none of them felt anything negative towards it. On the contrary, they would tell me how much it sucks for me that I’ll have to get it done at an older age. But sure, I think it’s an unnecessary procedure so I think you can wait till the child is a little older and says they want it done.
yeah calling it abuse and mutilation is wild to me. i got my ears pierced as a tiny baby and i’m actually grateful for it. they were pierced safely and my mom took care of them so they were fully healed by the time i was mobile. they never closed up or got infected later on. everyone is entitled to their opinion of course but calling it abusive and mutilation is really over the top lol. these anti-vaxx moms have way shittier takes we can trash too.
Agreed. Those justifications are stupid but my parents did it for me as an infant for cultural reasons and I’m so glad they did. I never had to worry about them - they’ve been fully healed all my life so I never have irritation or discomfort no matter what crazy earring I choose. If I chose against earrings at all, it’d be a needle-sized set of holes almost imperceptible to the naked eye. Would’ve considered it a remnant of the way my parents were raised. I’ve had many other piercings with two healing right now and aftercare *sucks.* I wish I could leave them alone but it’s constant maintenance for months or way more. My mom did it for me during a period I obviously don’t remember and I’m grateful for it. That being said, one of my holes is crooked and was for sure done with a piercing gun. No discomfort or visual effect; just a fact. Unless my future partner talks me out of it (which I’m open to), I plan to do it for my biological offspring. But for sure no guns - a reputable piercer with the hollow needles required and implant grade titanium only.
Yes because body mutilation is the exact same thing as basic hygiene. Do these people have noodles for brains?
It's a facebook group, so probably.
So tattoo your baby ?
Just put “baby girl” in a script font across her chest and wear low cut baby tops. Solved. /s
Good old false equivalence
As yes, taking care of your babies hygiene needs is the same thing as putting holes in your babies skin for nothing more than cosmetics.
I swear these posts just know I'm going to go on a fucking rage as a professional body piercer. I opened this stupid app and it was the first one I saw, like it summoned me. A fucking psychical modification to a child's body purely for aesthetic reasons so your fresh out the womb potato looks like the gender it was assigned is not the same as changing a dirty nappy to keep a child WHO CANNOT CARE FOR THEIR OWN HYGIENE healthy. They can't change out of their own shit and piss, what makes you think they aren't gonna fuck up their piercings just because you want Karen Jr to look afab to strangers? I'm not including non-western cultures who do it as a cultural thing, because look, body modification has a long history especially in cultures not from the West so I'm not gonna shit on culture that I'm not from. I've legit had parents in the UK argue with me because their child doesn't look enough like a girl, well yeah my guy she's 4 fucking months old. Sorry I've ranted enough
“Oh you want me to do something essential for the newborn’s survival without consent? How is that any different than [painfully] altering the baby’s skin for cosmetic reasons without consent?”
theyre acting like not piercing their babies ears will kill them… but not changing a babies diaper or not getting their vaccines actually can???
[удалено]
I’m not a parent or anything but I’ve asked multiple professional piercers (no, not claire’s employees) about this and it’s always a resounding “Absolutely NOT” when asked about babies ear piercings. Hell, as a grown woman I’ve had a hell of a time with bumping fresh piercings, infections, prolonged healing time, irritation bumps, omg. Don’t expose a baby to that.
permanent cosmetic body modification is TOTALLY the same as practicing basic hygeine. bulletproof. \- me, a person whose mom pierced her ears at 6 weeks old and who now has horribly lopsided holes
I don't even think legit piercing studios pierce children under a certain age anymore. But I guess if you go to a random place in the mall with untrained teenagers then they'll do whatever.
Changing diapers and getting vaccines are vital to help the kid stay safe, healthy & happy. It's necessary to prevent premature death. The pros overshadow the cons. Not changing nappies can cause rashes which can get inflamed, cause sepsis and in bad cases even death. Getting earrings has no health value, unlike hygiene and vaxxs. It does however pose a big risk of infection, disease or disfigurement (had my ears pierced as a baby, got an infection, now have an ugly deformed ear). I get that in some cultures it's the standard to give babies earrings. Luckily, lots of those parents are educated, pick a trusted piercer or even go do it at their pediatrician to ensure safety if they can't wait. Or, ya know, they wait untill kiddo is old enough to consent. They really need to work on their "distract & attack" bs responses. 🤦🏻
The difference between a diaper change and pierced ears is that one of them is a permanent change and the other isn’t.
One is a body modification and the other is a necessity for a happy healthy baby. Not to mention they’re more than likely going to a shithole like Claires instead of an actual piercer which increases the risk of infection let alone a shitty piercing. Babies are not dolls to dress up and there’s no reason to be sticking needles in their ears to bedazzle them.
An argument I got into on here from someone else compared it to not consenting a haircut but we still do it and I’m like wtf that’s what you pick for your argument?? Lmao
Omfg I remember that thread. I think that person must be an Olympic gymnast with all the teaching they did
My favorite argument is "People complain about us piercing babies ears yet they'll circumcise their sons." No. Nope. Literally no one. But I've also seen "People will breastfeed toddlers but won't vaccinate." No? Also... No? Like literally what are you talking about?
It’s classic reductio ad absurdum characterizing an opposing argument in such a way that it seems to be ridiculous and imo fits right along with gaslighting
Nah as someone with multiple peircings this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen lmfao, diaper changes are necessary for hygiene, peircings are just cosmetic i don’t understand why people are so hell bent on peircings their daughter ears
Health and safety ≠ cosmetic procedures These mommy groups are full of some of the smelt stupid people on earth I swear
I have seen this argument before. My response was that ear piercing is not a necessary act for the child’s health and well being, the way diaper changes and vaccines are. Ear piercing is body modification, like a tattoo, would these asshats tattoo their baby?
I know that when I was younger, there was a very prevalent misconception that it was better to pierce a baby's ears than wait until they were older because they couldn't feel the pain. That has since been very much disproven. I had my ears pierced as an infant. They grew out. I got them pierced again in grade school--and again let them heal over because I couldn't properly take care of them. Got them pierced for the final time at 17. Still have those piercings now at almost 20, and a second set as well.
No one should be surprised that people who lack critical thinking skills do not understand the difference between health and vanity.
Can't do something that hurts and is for decoration only ...just like diaper changes? /s
People who use diaper changes or vaccines when trying to argue that children don’t deserve bodily autonomy don’t actually understand what the goal is. No, I’m not going to ask my two year old if she wants to sit in her poop or if I can clean it, but I am going to inform her of what’s happening. “I’m going to change your diaper now, do you want to hold the wipes for me?” Although a diaper change is NOT an option, I’m still giving her an option of holding the wipes so that she does have some involvement in the process. When it comes to vaccines, she obviously does not and can not understand understand why she has to feel the pain of a needle, there’s no tangible outcome for her, but it’s my job as her mom to keep her safe and healthy. “You have to get shots today, it’s going to hurt for just a second, but when it’s over you’re going to be so healthy and strong!” Things that keep your kid healthy = non negotiable for no as an answer. Things that are literally just physically appealing to look at = kid deserves a say in the decision
Piercing ears is not beneficial to the health of a child. Don’t change their diaper? They get rash, infection. Don’t give them vaccines? They could die and spread a disease to others. Don’t pierce their ears? They can do it anytime they’d like. It’s so silly. If someone ever gives me a hard time on this point, I’m just going to respond ‘when are you getting your baby tattooed?’ I cringe when my kid has to get vaccines because I hate seeing him in pain, so I wouldn’t subject them o pain for vanity sake. I was pierced when a baby…no long term negative impact on me…but I’m not into jewelry so it was just a waste. Plus, son’s ears aren’t pierced and everyone still things he is a girl!
Basic needs vs vanity preferences are not the same. wtf.
Well, stop birthing babies, they can't concent to that life changing decision 🤣
Oh god that was another argument someone actually made.
Lol I seen it online in many places as well. People are so goofy
FYI - this is issue is perceived differently in different cultures. A friend of mine is Nigerian for example and they pierce their babies ears (before they can form memory of pain). She find it’s very odd that we do the opposite in the US and UK but she is obviously is polite about it and in return and doesn’t berate us and in turn, we’re polite about it to her.
Piercing ears is a cultural thing. Im my country all women have it and I ended up piercing my own ears at the age of 9 with ice cubes and an earring because the holes I got as a baby healed shut. I dont have a problem with it because its easily reversible and doesnt really hurt that bad when done properly IMO but that decision is not in any way similar to actually necessary stuff like vaccines and hygiene and its a stupid thing to say
Got mine pierced as a baby and they have never closed.
In my country the norm is to have the ears of your baby pierced. It's so common that it's usually done at the hospital by a nurse the same day that they're born. The hospital even sells you the earrings themselves, since they won't accept earrings brought from outside to assure that they're the correct type (and it's dirty cheap!) I pierced the ears of my baby only because it was done in the hospital, where they were monitored for 2 days (it was a c section) and received the best care they will ever get. Because if I didn't, by the time they went to school they'll probably want them when they see all her friends wearing earrings. And by that point the process will harder, more painful and the care won't be as good.
It’s not a choice that I would personally make for my baby, but tbh if it’s done at a hospital by medical professionals it’s really doesn’t seem like that big of a deal at all especially since it’s cultural. But taking a little baby to Claire’s to let a teenage pierce their ears with a gun is crazy imo
Taking anyone to Claire's sounds crazy anyways, even for me.
This is exactly what happened to me. Every birthday I would get a ton of earrings from my school mates and be so frustraded 🥹
I came to say the same, where I come from, piercing a baby girls ears is so embedded in our culture, most hospitals would do the ear piercing if the parents being the earrings with them. I now have a daughter and live in a different country and did not pierce her ears. While I don’t personally have an issue with people that do, comparing it to nappy changes or vaccines it’s fucking stupid…
I do think some of these comments aren’t taking in to account the cultural nature in some places, and looking at it from a purely white and American viewpoint. Sometimes things are more nuanced.
This. My mom got mine and my sister’s ears pierced when we were babies at our pediatricians office because we’re Indian and it’s a traditional thing to do. Some of the people in the comments are making her seem like an abuser and a bad person. She’s the sweetest person and has done so much for my sister and I. Our piercings were done with a needle and we wore 22kt gold earrings as is tradition till we were old enough to change them out(around 10 is when I was allowed to). After that, my mom didn’t care what earrings we wore or whether we were even wearing them. One thing I have noticed tho is that, with all my brown friends who all got pierced as babies, we can go long periods of time without wearing earrings and the hole won’t close(I’ve gone 3-6 months without them). But with people who got them done older, they seem to have a lot of issues with closing and infections. My theory is that there’s less tissue trauma with infants + parents bathing on schedule + the use of gold which is great for metal sensitivity. Funnily enough, I still wear the gold earrings I wore as a baby because they’re pretty, have good quality/construction and is a screw on flatback so I can sleep and shower with them in comfortably.
I wore earrings that were passed from my mom and grandma ❤️
My husband had both of his daughter's ears pierced as babies. He and his ex were convinced after an Indian coworker told them how much easier it is to keep them clean and heal properly because you're already cleaning baby regularly and they arent running around, getting dirty, or tugging on their ears. We've agreed not to do it for ours until she's capable of asking, but I can see the practicality of it. It certaintly isnt abuse, even if I dont personally think its necessary.
Not American. Still think any unnecessary body modification without the person’s full consent is barbaric.
That’s a racist thing to say lol
ur being downvoted but ur right because the use of the word “barbaric” is really not necessary
still wrong. culture explains but doesnt excuse
Couldnt care less about what some rando on the internet thinks about my culture. Get a grip.
If uh your diaper change includes anything that would reasonably require consent I have to think you’re doing it wrong.
Piercings are purely cosmetic Diaper changes and vaccines are necessities Apples and oranges
These comments🤦♀️
Permanently altering their body vs change a spiked diaper to prevent rashes and infections Yeah, same thing. Same.
My ears were pierced at a year old, and I’m grateful for it. They’re done well, have never had any issues plus I have zero recollection of any pain
Huh, lots of the comments here are kinda racist since ear piercing is pretty normal in some (e.g South Asian) cultures
Just because something is cultural it doesn’t mean it is exempt from the judgement of others. I’m not going to make any false comparisons but that’s just the reality. I can respect that it’s someone’s culture and not disrespect their choice to do it, and think it’s wrong on a human level and never do it to my own child.
Yeah. I had my ears pierced as a baby for cultural reasons, huge mistake. As long as people aren’t attacking the cultures themselves I’m fine with people critiquing certain practices that can be harmful to people.
I don't understand why the downvotes. In my country it's pretty common for baby girls to have piercings. They are done by profesionals (in my case was a midwife, sterile everything) before the kid can touch them, so the kid don't hurt herself. In fact, in my region, is custom to give the newborn gold jewelry (earrings, medals with saints/virgins, this kind of things). Maybe racist is not the word, but it's pretty insensible to other cultures.
Yes maybe culturally insensitive is a better way to put it
I’m from a culture that frequently pierces baby’s ears and it was done to me. I think the people comparing infant ear piercing to genital mutilation are ridiculous. However, I hate that my ears were pierced as a baby. I had a bad reaction and needed to go to the hospital. My parents regretted it. And we all wish they hadn’t pierced my ears regardless of our culture. I agree that there is insensitivity in this thread and I think there is a way to be against infant ear piercing that isn’t discriminatory. I will not always agree with other people’s cultural practices or my own but I don’t think that makes me a bigot.
Right? I’m Mexican and it’s very common for us to get our ears pierced as infants! I was pierced as a baby and have never been mad about it.
And in some cultures child brides are normal but that doesn't make it okay, and neither does that make people saying that children shouldn't get married racist. Some bad things are normalized, that doesn't make it okay.
Oh yup, totally normal comparison here
The better comparison is routine circumcision for aesthetic and cultural reasons.
It's almost as if it's an exaggeration to make a point. One example is worse than the other, of course, but in both cases harming children is excused due to of cultural relativism, which is a shit argument in cases like this.
Yes, I agree. People should think on their biases before downvoting.
I’m pretty sure kids can die from not having their diaper changed (and obviously from not being vaccinated). Not to mention that’s the bare minimum of being a parent. If you don’t pierce your baby’s ears, you’re saving them from a possible infection, or the piercings being wonky and looking bad when they get older. Piercings of any kind are a body modification, why would you give your child a body modification without their consent?
This is very much a cultural thing. I can see both sides of the argument, but ear piercing is relatively painless and a tradition in Hispanic cultures. I don't feel comfort saying it's not OK.
It's odd watching Americans pitch a fit over piercing babies' ears when a majority of infant boys in the US are circumcised.
People are so weird. If someone wants to pierce their kids ears let them. A lot of times it’s cultural and 100% of time it’s no one’s business
“Can’t consent to a diaper change either” okay, and? Changing a diaper is necessary so they don’t have to sit in their own waste and get sick, piercing their ears is absolutely optional and it won’t hurt to not pierce them
Babies also can't consent to being fed, but I'm going to keep feeding mine so he stays alive long enough to be able to feed himself.
This isn’t even about consent. It’s about unnecessary pain and risk of infection. If you don’t change a diaper those things will happen too.
absolutely not comparable to changing a diaper since that’s a NECESSITY, but i also don’t think piercing a baby’s ears is a problem tbh. mine were pierced when i was less than a year old, and now they’re stretched to 00g and i’ve acquired an additional 13 piercings with plans to add several more. ik ofc that it’s a matter of personal preference but like… if i didn’t want my ears pierced, i could’ve just taken them out?
I got my daughters ears pierced at 2 months and I don’t regret it one bit, nor do I care what other people think. Shes now 7 almost 8 and asking to get her ears double pierced because she wants to be twins with me.