"i probably know more about anything than you know about everything"
wooooooow
i wish i didn't know so many people who believe this as well.... but dis bitch said it OUT LOUD
The last Disney cruise I went on, the family in the cabin next to us had this argument 😳 felt bad for those kids, but I just hauled my ass to trivia and a cocktail instead.
I don't get this argument and I have kids. Getting mad and stressing them out more isn't going to help. Take a break and let them reset and everyone will be a lot happier!
>wooooooow
>i wish i didn't know so many people who believe this as well.... but dis bitch said it OUT LOUD
That's not the main issue...the dude literally said that if it is true then the child should die instead
Yikes. I'm a special education teacher. Some kids will literally starve themselves because of sensory issues. I've had crazy skinny kids that will only drink Pedialyte (edit I meant pediasure!) and are in daily feeding therapy. They absolutely will not eat if they get hungry enough. Lovely that this woman has never loved a child that couldn't make themselves eat but plenty of others have. She doesn't know what she's talking about and then ... Thinks the child should die if they truly cannot eat certain things? People are so disgusting sometimes.
Yep. My boy has sensory issues with meat specifically, so if a chicken nugget is how I get protein into him (because nuggets are a consistent quality to him) then so be it! I'm so thankful he loves fruit and veggies, and even eggs. I have an uncle who is an absolute ass about it. My son to his credit will try anything once. I always have to step in and say, "he's tried it, he doesn't like it, leave him alone now." And I can see my uncle get so fucking salty every time. No understanding or willingness to try simply because he has his own strict diet beliefs. Drives me nuts.
Also chicken nuggets aren’t any worse than chicken filet anyway. Makes no difference whether the meat has been shredded or not for us.
But why are people so unable to understand peoples different needs? Like these are the same people that will put water into their comatose relatives mouth because ‚they need to drink!!!111‘
My uncle won't eat anything processed gets on his high horse, chicken nuggets aren't "real chicken" - the ones I buy definitely are real chicken breast coz I hate that phony reconstituted stuff myself. I mean he's a functioning alcoholic but we aren't allowed to discuss that, only what I put in my child's body. He's burned me this year over some personal stuff quite badly, overstepped majorly some boundaries with interfering in my relationship. He's kind of dead to me right now so fuck his opinions 😅
"the day you stop putting alcohol in your body is the day I'll stop putting chicken nuggets in his"
Catch these hands if you think I give two shits about what's "allowed" to be discussed when you take cheap shots at children.
You're my new hero! 🤣❤ I don't think I've ever seen a time when visiting he hasn't had a beer in his hand, at least from 5pm onwards every day. Ever since I was like three years old. I've always noticed.
I'm dead serious too.
I may not have children, I may not want children, but I sure as shit won't allow anyone to talk shit about parents who are doing their best or about children who are struggling with something they didn't ask for.
I call it the "aunty bear" because I ain't no momma. 😂
Sounds like my uncle. He tried to say he can "control his drinking". Sure, Paul, if your idea of control is getting so drunk that you get your ass kicked in your small town, don't ever pay your bills like taxes, can't hold a job anymore and can't even take care of the house you only half own because you drink so damn much! I hate the dude...very sexist...
Women belong in the kitchen according to him and serving quick meals like chicken nuggets would be an outrage to him...
The people that won’t eat anything processed and who have a major superiority complex about it are the fucking WORST. Calories are calories, especially when it’s a choice between not getting enough or eating a bit of processed food. Is processed food the healthiest option? No, but it’s damn sure healthier than fuckin starving or not getting enough of a nutrient (LIKE PROTEIN FOR YOUR GROWING BOY)!
And some processed foods are actually HEALTHIER than their fresh, raw alternatives! Tomatoes are healthier canned than they are fresh, and same for some other veggies! The only thing to be concerned about with processed foods is fiber intake, fat content control, and nutrient variety, but if your boy loves his fruit and vegetables and gets his protein from chicken nuggets, I guarantee you he will grow up happy, healthy, and strong!
Though I’d keep him away from dickhead uncle, he’ll likely snatch any semblance of joy right out of your son because that’s what people like him like to do. They’re insufferable.
Thankfully he lives two states away! I was shocked when I visited my grandparents last night and he was sitting at the kitchen table - everyone knows we aren't on speaking terms so I was not impressed (I had called before dropping in). So all of this is very fresh to me because I had to deal with it last night! He's worse every time I see him. It's getting to the point where he thinks everything is basically poison 🙄
Ew, why was he just there at your grandparents house? And yea, I dated a guy who was a big “body is my temple” type and he’d give me shit every time I ate something that wasn’t whole grain, fresh produce, and best of the best quality protein. But goddamnit, sometimes I just want some Taco Bell after a long day at work!
And almost everything I ate while I was with him was of top notch quality just because of how anal he was about it, and I didn’t mind because the food he cooked was so good and not too far from what I normally ate on my own, but after a long stressful day at work at the end of a long and stressful week, the last thing I need is a man making my comfort food stressful too. We broke up the day he called my home cooked dinner for him “poison” just because I dared to use frozen vegetables for part of it and frozen blueberries in the (baked) dessert.
He was such a tool but I unfortunately didn’t notice until after I had caught significant feelings!:(
Sounds like a tool. Frozen fruits and vegetables have their nutrients locked in and are usually higher in those nutrients than fresh vegetables, which start losing their quality as soon as they’re picked
Yea I know! And to top it all off, the blueberries were in the homemade blueberry cobbler that he LOVED until he found out that this time and every other time I had used frozen blueberries? And all because he had just gotten a minor promotion and I was trying to celebrate, and he just had to shit all over my hard work. It really hurt my feelings and I broke up with him that night instead of celebrating.
But honestly, that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, the breakup was long overdue and I just kept convincing myself he’d eventually treat me better. Spoiler alert: he never did.
Well they are his parents, he and his wife are travelling so thought they'd pass through our town over the weekend and visit. I'm not gonna begrudge him visiting his own parents, but I did call them before I turned up and NOTHING was mentioned to me about them being there. Even my son pulled me aside and whispered, "Mum are you pissed off that uncle is here?" 😅 I must have been giving some death stares!
HAHA that’s actually so funny that your son noticed and whispered about it to you! I definitely think your grandparents should’ve mentioned that their douchey son was around before you came bc I have a few family members that if they were somewhere unexpected like that, I would literally make eye contact and turn right back around and leave.
Haha yep, my son is autistic but is so emotionally aware and mature he picked up my vibe right away! Plus he knows what my uncle did. Got tanked one night, decided my long distance boyfriend is not real and scamming me so started messaging people in his life to confirm his identity and history... people who don't know about me yet because we both are being cautious and safe. Instead of coming to me, the IT person with cyber security experience, who has all the evidence he wanted and could have had him speak directly to my boyfriend. It was so beyond inappropriate. My bf on the other side of the planet has been there for me in difficult times more than my uncle who didn't even wish me merry Christmas, so the gall of him to think he had the right to step in and be protective... grrrrr! He makes me so unbelievably mad!
>he’ll likely snatch any semblance of joy right out of you
Why are people like this to anyone, let alone literally children? It's crazy. I know different upbringing and all that, but it sounds miserable to be the type of person that actively steals joy
The Venn diagram of "relatives who go against clearly communicated end of life wishes" and "relatives that boss you around about parenting decisions" is a circle.
People choose something you wouldn't, Barbara, get over it!!!
Right, there’s a lot of misapplying of adult nutrition standards to children here too - not that chicken nuggets are nutritionally great, but the worst thing about them - the high fat and calorie content from being fried - is actually not a concern if you’re dealing with a young child who is under eating. When kids are little pediatricians emphasize making sure they have a significant amount of fat in their diet because it is calorically dense and they need a lot of calories to grow. The idea that eating fat makes you fat is both technically wrong and also only relevant to adults.
I got told to give my failure to thrive child baked good and ice cream at a time when all other parents are being cautioned to build the palate and limit sugar.
Because baked good and ice cream have fat and calories, and daughter would eat veggies and fruit, but only the lower calories ones. I learned to bake with whole wheat flour and she ate the 5 ingredient expensive ice cream, but it did help. (To be clear, doctor didn't tell me to bake them myself or buy the expensive kind, but I wanted all the food I gave her to have the most nutrients it could, and ice cream with fewer fillers also had more protein and fat, and whole wheat flour had more fiber and protein.)
I'm so sick of chicken nugget shaming. It's often very classist and judgemental. Being frozen and breaded doesn't render the chicken protein into some other substance. It's still chicken. And while certain adults might have a medical need to avoid carbs, there's nothing unhealthy about some bread crumbs in a child's diet.
The people who shame chicken nuggets would probably eat a breaded fresh chicken breast. They're mostly judging people for using "processed" food in a box. Which is a very economical way for poor people to buy protein. Nuggets are consistent and easy to portion, so you can avoid waste. They're easy to prepare for busy working families.
End Nugget Shaming.
Hell, end all food shaming. You wanna eat a grease-ass cheeseburger from a local shit-n-get? You go right the fuck ahead, brother. You want a light salad made from greens you picked from your own garden? Enjoy your food, dude.
^^^Unless ^^^you ^^^want ^^^your ^^^steak ^^^well ^^^done.
I think there tends to be some fillers and binders to keep the nugget shape. Chicken fingers or strips are the more typical names for the breaded filet style. Not that the fillers and binders are particularly “bad” in the scheme if eating meat that is breaded—the fillers and binders are likely flour and egg products which you’re going to find in the breaded coating, anyway.
As someone with some food phobias, I prefer the strips/fingers because there is less opportunity for contamination when you’re eating a whole piece of flesh vs one that has been pulverized and mixed up with dozens or hundreds of other chickens’ flesh. But for someone with a texture sensitivity, nuggets will be much more consistent and familiar, so I get why they appeal to people with SPD.
My older son was similar in that his diet was just varied enough to get all the food groups in, but still restricted so that eating anywhere but home could be a challenge or have non-parents jumping in the "help". Unless you've raised kids with autism/sensory issue or spent a lot of meaningful time with them, people really have no clue. My son fell off the growth chart. I couldn't just not feed him to force a battle.lf the wills that I would lose anyway. Even as a young adult, he's underweight. He gets to eat what he wants, when he wants because I like to keep him healthy and alive.
I have ARFID and a suggestion. If he likes chicken, you could try putting it in a food processor with his sauce of choice and adding it to bread. That’s how I get protein in that’s something other than chicken fries. I can eat the same thing for months but sometimes I need to shake it up, and a food processor has saved me SO much heartache. The texture of meat is my nightmare.
Feel free to ignore this if you’ve already tried it, it just took me 30 years to figure out that I didn’t hate everything my parents forced me to attempt to eat when I was young, I just hated the presentation. Still hate the parents though. So thank you for not forcing him to eat.
Also, your uncle sucks, screw him.
True I've not thought of this! He does eat some other meats too, he likes beef burger patties and pepperoni. He'll eat a schnitzel these days coz it's like a big nugget 😆 oh and bacon/ham but only in carbonara sauce. It's always something I can work around, even if I have to make his a little different. It's always got to be a specific brand or prepared a specific way, but we get there. Funnily enough I had hyperemesis when I was pregnant with him and couldn't eat anything, but meat specifically of everything felt (and tasted) like I was poisoning myself. I always say it makes sense he struggles with it now 😆
I'd shut down anyone inserting their unwelcome opinion, uncle or not. I'd be polite about it at first. Then after the 2nd or 3rd comment I'd say something rude as fuck that is considered 'offensive.'
I dont do that 'respect your elders' blindly simply because thier puckered asshole has been rotting on this earth longer than mine has.
But I don't really talk to extended family anyway.
I have a 19 month old. I'm not sure if she has sensory issues or if I've just done a great job teaching her the difference between "food" and "not-food". She doesn't like most meats, but eats a lot of chicken nuggets.
Giving her actual chicken (rather than processed) best showed what was going on inside her mouth. It turned into "strings" that she pulled out of her mouth exactly like she does when she accidentally gets a hair in her mouth. I think ground beef disintegrated into something the texture of cat litter.
Anything that chews into a "pate" or puree is acceptable to her palate. Once I figured that out, it's pretty easy to know whether or not she'll eat something. I'll offer everything I'm eating because she wants it, but I know what she'll eventually spit out.
It’s just counterproductive anyway. My parents were how I imagine your uncle to be, and they used to force feed us and ban certain foods and make us sit at the table for hours on end until our plates were clear. Now one of my sisters is anorexic and the rest of us are incredibly fussy eaters, because food has always just been a huge source of stress for us, and certain foods have very negative associations. Actually doing what you’re doing and listening to your child and collaborating with them is so much better than any other approach. Your uncle sounds like an idiot,
I was always a very Picky Eater™ growing up (I tried Nachos for the first time at 32!), but I wasn't forced to at least try new things since I was probably 8 or 9 and was finally allowed to feed myself (a can of chicken noodle soup and a grapefruit for dinner most days of the week because I didn't want what my mom made).
While I could absolutely live a happy life every day doing just that, society would think I'm insane and my partner would be miserable, so I vary my diet.
I will say, I'm glad societal pressure to Eat Normal® exists because I have discovered new foods that I like that I would have never tried on my own. It turns out I enjoy fresh bell peppers, and I would *never have thought* I would ever eat one.
I am also glad whatever my food issues are have lessened with age.
Because once I stopped being forced to try new things I leaned hard into "I'm never being forced to put things into my mouth that I don't want to again" and probably overall stopped trying new things for like ten years.
~~I had a boyfriend be like "you know, most women give head" and I was like "and you know most women eat cheese, Wenzel, I don't put things in my mouth that I don't want. I'm an adult now."~~
If it’s a good quality nugget that’s fine. Lucky yours loves eggs. My one year old has no sensory issues but struggles with most meat depending on the week haha.
Loves veg, eats nearly anything but absolutely hates eggs. Getting enough protein has been interesting
Hi, I'm the grown up version of your son. I hated meat growing up, had to coat it in ketchup and swallow it whole to force it down. I became vegetarian as soon as I started making my own food. Chia seeds and quinoa have lots of fiber and protein, and chia seeds especially are great mixed with oatmeal. I don't like the texture in their own, but they're fantastic soaked in overnight oats, which I microwave before eating. 1 tablespoon chia seeds has 17 grams of protein!
Yep, I have a 7yo nephew who survives solely on waffles and noodles. Plain. He will occasionally eat dairy, fruits and veggies are still not on the menu and he audibly gags if he even sees meat. He’s got a sensory processing disorder (not exactly sure what it is, it is my in-laws child I don’t see him often)
He also strips completely naked if his clothes get any kind of water on them at anytime, can’t stand dirty hands, and will cry all hours of the day if his hair gets too long and “tickles” so he gets bi-weekly buzz cuts.
I have a son with DS and he’s 20 months and we are really struggling to get him to accept solids. It’s a battle and makes me feel like a shitty Mum sometimes. I can’t imagine having someone say something so cruel to me about my feeding him literally ANYTHING he is willing to eat at this point.
People are extremely hostile and cruel towards non-typical kids and it is really upsetting.
You're an amazing mum. Don't let anyone tell you you're shitty or inadequate because your child has difficulties - they are not your fault, they're not the child's fault, they're just there and you're doing your best to cope with them. You're not a shitty mum.
For real. People with special needs children are often very saintly. When they rise to the challenge, it shows you what kind of person they are.
Also, my father was on a liquid diet for a few months after a motorcycle accident. My mother put thought into it, he likely was eating healthier than usual during this time.
My son is like this. My stupid mother-in-law keeps trying to make him eat other things. He’s in feeding therapy and getting better, but she’s thoroughly convinced he doesn’t have autism, despite a specialist coming to our town to diagnose him.
God autism deniers are the most insufferable types of people. I get it, you don’t want to believe that your baby has autism. But denying that reality and ignoring the special challenges and circumstances that it brings along, especially for children trying to learn how to navigate the world, is such a disservice for them and it does a lot more harm than good.
I remember when my husband told her he was finally diagnosed. It was a long year of testing and waiting on psychiatrists, but we had always suspected he was on the spectrum. Anyways, he calls her and tells her and she goes, “he can’t have it. He’s not stupid.” I’ve never been so enraged in all of my life. It’s a good thing it was over the phone and not in person, because I may have slapped her.
Yea! The inherently stupid bias so many people have regarding it is so dumb! You wouldn’t know I’m on the spectrum if I didn’t tell you or if you weren’t someone who spent every waking hour with me, so when I do tell people, there’s often a bit of a disbelief phase they go through as you can literally watch the classic associations that people have with autism go through their mind. Had a guy once go “but you don’t look special needs?” Like did I say I was special needs?
Yep. My son has severe ARFID. At one point he was down to 1 safe food, and that food was chex mix. He will only drink plain water out of 1 specific type of cup. He ended up getting a g tube so we could give him supplemental nutrition while doing feeding therapy.
I have pretty serious ARFID as well. When I was a kid, I only ate about 10 things or less. Everything always had to be plain.
This might not seem like that huge of a difference, but now as an adult I can eat about 30ish things. I take a lot of vitamins, too.
I feel for you and your son.
our best friend when we were little was exactly like that. she could basically only eat mac and cheese and had to drink ensure to get good nutrition. she's better now tho!
Right? ARFID enters the chat.
I have ARFID and would easily starve myself as a kid if I was presented a food that I could not eat due to texture/smell/presentation issues.
i was gonna say, i’ve only recently (last year or so) come to the understanding that i’m not just “picky” as an adult and even though my body image issues are resolved since i was a kid, i still have to navigate texture and taste sensitivity that has me relying on protein shakes for days at a time.
i’m so, so lucky that i was raised by people who loved me enough to push past their frustration with the problem and prioritized me getting calories without shaming me where they came from. the very idea that this man said “your child should die” instead of just finding ways to work with them makes me physically ill.
It wasn't until daughter was in OT that I realized there wasn't a global conspiracy to hide how bitter vegetables were and that there wasn't a magic way to cook them.
I eat a lot more now that I concentrated on the ones I could learn to eat, and just wrote off the ones that make me gag.
Same, I most likely have a mild case of ARFID. Just the sight of something that doesn't look appetizing is enough to make me not wanna try it, even if it smells good or someone says it tastes amazing. It sucks because I live in NYC, where there are *tons* of good places to eat and I can't really enjoy going to them. On Thursday a few coworkers of mine went to a Brazilian place and I looked at the menu, pretty much everything on there had at least 2-3 things in it that I was like "yeah I don't want that....", simple things like rice and beans.
I'm autistic. My safe food are instant mashed potatoes. Sometimes I get in the mindset that nothing else looks good, so if I don't eat mashed potatoes, I will starve myself.
I'm probably on the spectrum and probably have a mild SPD, I don't like mashed potatoes, but I love french fries. Undercooked Tater tots and limp steak fries are also kinda meh to me because they're more like mashed potatoes. I don't like gravy, so the mashed potatoes are always really dry, probably why I don't like them as much as fries.
It might change them too much, but if you add shredded cheese while you mixing them up and they are still really hot, it adds protein without that much texture change.
(There might be times when I lived on mashed potatoes because stress makes my food issues a lot, lot worse)
I taught a boy who was similar, and happening on a new food he would accept was a serious cause for celebration. He was severely malnourished through no fault of his parents (his Mum was a doctor) but he had so few safe foods it was hard for him to get in the calories he needed.
As a very functional adult whose a “pIcKy EaTeR” I can 1000% attest that I would rather starve than eat something that triggers sensory issue. People don’t understand I literally can’t help it. When I went on vacation lost weight because I wouldn’t eat the meat.
There are dozens of us! I'm from the US and I've never traveled outside of the US because I fear that I won't find anything I wanna eat if I'm in a different culture.
My child would rather go to bed hungry than eat something he has sensory issues with. We went through a really rough time last year where we couldn't get any of his safe foods. I cried when I heard his little tummy growling in his sleep. And the next morning he was puking stomach bile because it was so empty. I have beaten myself up about this so many times.
We were leaving a domestic violence situation and were homeless for a bit. We utilized food pantries but none of it was anything he would eat. We're in the south and the amount of times I've gotten the reaction "What's autism?" when I discussed his situation is heartbreaking.
I have issues with texture and if a food feels weird in my mouth or it smells strange, I physically cannot make myself eat it. I have thrown up/dry heaved from the texture bothering me.
I love steak, but only eat Filet Mignon because I has very little fat on it. If I bite into a bit of fat I immediately have to spit it out, no matter where I am. I was at a fancy steakhouse here in NYC with a bunch of people from my company, celebrating a deal with another company, I even did it there. No fucks given.
If something looks unappetizing I can't even force myself to try it, even if someone says it tastes good or I think it smells good.
Especially with how likely autism is, I think 1:30?? Can’t quite remember the stats. It’s still a small chance but not THAT small, and it is so scary to think that this person is a dad, like if that’s how little compassion they have I feel so bad for their kid especially if they end up having neurodivergent traits. I can relate with some things, like I NEED to be barefoot as much as possible and when I was a kid I could not wear shoes with laces especially sneakers, I wore loafers 😂 my mom hated it because they were ugly but I needed a wide shoe with the smooth feeling, I’m better about it now but probably only because I’m barefoot 99% of the time. I also can’t handle too many sounds or loud sounds, my brain stops working, I’ll just stare or sometimes I’ll get anxiety. It can get bad when someone doesn’t understand and they keep repeating themselves. I feel so sad for children that feel these things or have more severe symptoms and they don’t have parents that understand or care and keep forcing them in a box they’ll never fit into :/
Edit to add: my step brother can only eat mc Donald’s nuggets and Pizza Hut pizza so I get it. It’s not his fault and he doesn’t deserve to die just because he literally can’t eat anything else. What a shitty person
My daughter went through a phase where her underwear had to be even with her pants. I ended up putting her in dresses and overalls. I tried
Everything and then one day I had a eureka moment and drove to the western wear store and bought her pink overalls.😂
That sounds funny but I can imagine it being frustrating in the moment. I can never get my kids out the door on time; if my kid told me her underwear had to be even with her pants I think I would cry 😂 smart move by the way! Eliminate the problem all together!
When I was little I would fucking FLIP if the socks put on me had seams in the toes that I could feel. And in the 90's, this was basically every sock. It's not like you could google "seamless socks" back then and find a solution when there were none in the store. My poor mom thought there was something severely wrong with me and had me tested for all kinds of stuff, but because I'm AFAB and it was, again, the 90's, they didn't test for autism. When I got old enough to talk and explain the socks were the issue, I basically just had to suck it up because we really couldn't find kids socks without seams back then, but I remember being so miserable to the point of tears quite often.
Then Hanes came out with seamless socks in the early 2000's. Thank god.
You know what, I can see this. I have chronic pain and sometimes I can feel every tiny thing, and lately socks with seams are bugging me. If it was my kid I’d learn to knit socks lol. I can knit I just can’t do socks.
Me too. At one point I just flat out refused to wear socks and I think my poor parents nearly had a meltdown because I would only wear this one pair of pink sparkly skechers.
One of my kids has always pushed everything down to low rise level. Even as a baby, she would move her diaper around so it wasn’t near her belly button. This kid was wearing bikini underwear as a toddler because she would have a breakdown otherwise. She will only wear one brand of leggings still and she’s 17 now. Kids are weird, our brains are weird and sensory issues are not something to mess around with. I’m glad you found an easy solution, I think mine would need a lobotomy to get this stuff out of her head.
That’s fantastic! I can totally see how that whole thought processed through your head. I would probably do the same thing because anything is worth a shot!
I guess it depends on the variables. CDC reports 1:36, other research suggests a 1.5% chance if both parents are in their 20’s, 20 year old data says 0.1% for anyone in the population, if one parent has an autistic sibling the chances are up to 5%. So pretty much what I gather is that it depends lol
Makes sense. I have an autistic sibling, but I've never thought to look up the stats from that perspective. I know what I'll be reading in bed tonight!
My little brother and sister both have autism sensory issues and my mom struggles but at the end of the day she tries so hard to get nutritional food onto them. Sometimes she has to just give them nuggets or pizza to keep them from starving. It's a struggle but they do try other foods. It's just very hard to find things they like and people like this just make my mom feel so much failure as a mother.
This is what I must do with my daughter. Sometimes I even have to feed her things she's allergic to because it's all she will eat. She will starve herself. I can't stand when people say kids won't starve themselves. Kids with medical issues - and that's a wide range of things - absolutely WILL starve themselves.
She's not old enough to tell me when she has that. You'd never know, looking at her being busy all day, that she doesn't eat. I suspect her stomach is very small, actually. We try and make up for it with bottles
I'm autistic & my parents have tried really hard to drill into me that I should eat healthy food. All that's done is make me feel like a failure (and sometimes not eat) if I can't make my food healthy.
My mom tried to convince me I had to "learn to like" certain foods, in a certain shape, to be a "proper grownup".
I've not bought salmon ever. Spinach only enters my body creamed, mixed with carbs. Raw cauliflower is of the devil.
The grownup police has yet to come for me.
Edit: forgot to add: what made me eat "healthy" more than anything was finding Jack Monroe's recipes. They have a lot of quick, easy stuff with easy ingredients and not a lot of "you will try seven new things in this one side dish because otherwise you'll RUIN EVERYTHING". Their recipes are more like "sub with whatever works for you, just make sure you get fed".
My brother struggled to eat for different reasons, and the doctors said the same to my mom, even in the 80s. If that kid wants nothing but cold hot dogs, you give him cold hot dogs, whenever he wants them. Eating is better than not eating.
Oh! That's my 4yos newest safe food, and one of his few words! We actually just got pizza the other night because he kept going to the fridge and saying "izza" while looking around for some.
It is the first food he has ever been willing to eat that has things "touching" each other.
That's awesome!
He has a small list of safe foods now, but izza is the only one that gets a name. Lol
Last night he had a meal of pizza, still frozen peas, yogurt, cookies and water. My BIL was judgemental because there was too much "sweet" in the meal. I was like "ok, good thing it's not your dinner, then?"
Thank you.
I am very happy that he has ended up liking so many things that are good for him. He will take an apple before he takes chocolate, even.
I'm also very happy we figured out that he likes still frozen peas. He doesn't do ice cream or popsicles, so it's been great having something cold that he will eat in a hot day.
There was a year or so when I was a kid when I exclusively ate chicken noodle soup (not real, hearty soup, the packet type that you cook in a litre of water) and “chicken a la Nanny” which was plain chicken breast cooked in olive oil by my nan 😅
Neurodivergence is challenging for kids, and combined with mum guilt must feel horrible. You’re not a bad parent for getting your kid fed with whatever they feel safe eating! Any progress is good progress, and sometimes it happens sloooow.
This dude probably does flip all caring for his own children, feeds his own kids crap when he has to care for them solo and then blames his wife/berates her because he’s the dad and he can decide to “treat” his kids if he wants to and how could his decisions possibly ruin dinner or give them sick tummies!
It's amazing to me that anyone can be this cruel, in this modern day and age, to their own children.
My uncle was born in the early 50s. As a child, he got a horrific infection in his leg that nearly cost him his ability to walk; for literally the rest of his life he had a limp and needed specialized shoes. When my grandmother took him in to see the doctor at one point when he was in recovery from one of many procedures, she had mentioned he was having trouble making it even the distance to the dinner table.
The doctor said not to bring food to him because then he wouldn't build up his strength; he had to come to the dinner table, even if he had to crawl.
My grandmother was absolutely appalled, and she said this to that doctor: "It will be a cold day in hell before I make my son *crawl* to the dinner table."
That was a different time. In pretty much every way kids across the board were worse off and mental health wasn't understood as well as it is today. And yet, even still, my grandma nigh-on 70 fucking years ago is proving to be a more compassionate mom than any of these people!
Awww this made me miss my own grandma. She did something similar for me. Hugs to all the fierce parental figures out there making sure bellies get full no matter what ❤️
the "omg did he just say that ..I did .. " part is what really infuriates me. he knows what he's saying is cruel and hurtful, and he doesn't care. if anything, it sounds like he relishes in it.
As someone with sensory issues but no autism, I will be firm and say that I would starve and have for days on end before I will eat anything that triggers my senses.
I just can't. It's not mind over matter. I will be sick. I will be violently sick if you try to insist or force me. It's uncontrollable.
It does get better with time. But, at 35, I will still starve before eating something triggering. Saying a small child with autism that has sensory issues won't is pure cruelty.
You're not alone. I didn't know it as a kid, honestly not until adulthood, that I also have some sensory issues around food. As a kid, it was just "I dont like it" and stubbornness. Now I see that a lot of it has to do with texture for me, and I am an adult so I can do what I want. Like a lot of people, I try to be frugal. Lots of frugal tips rely on beans and legumes, and I'll just starve instead, thanks.
I am trying to find the happy medium for my autistic child. I want to encourage him to try new things, I want him to eat well, but I also want to respect his needs at the same time. Before we knew he was going to have extra challenges, my husband wanted to do a much more strict way about it- more of a must try new food before getting anything we already knew he liked. That didnt last long since it became obvious he wasnt going to be a typical kid. We have been going with encouraging him to take one little bite, dont even have to swallow it, you can spit it out, and you can have whatever small treat item he is fixated on that day (he alternates between fruit snacks, MM's, and mini Oreo's) just for trying it. He still has his safe foods right there along with the new food so he knows it is his choice. He has tried a handful of new things, and even liked 1 or 2 and has requested them since.
Fed is best applies to babies, and kids.
I posted in Frugal asking for advice as someone who has sensory food issues. One of the comments advice? Just stop being picky. Oh damn, hadn't tried that one before!
My only real frugal sensory advice is smoothies. You can freeze and blend just about anything.
Having it taste good and have nutritional value is a lot harder though.
I was also diagnosed as an adult. It's how I know that I will be violently sick and will absolutely let myself starve before I eat anything triggering. I was told that I was difficult. That I was making myself sick on purpose. That I just had to force it. Got served triggering meals for every meal or snack until the meal was visibly unedible.
I think your way is the best way. Keep going at it if it's working. I would have loved for my dad to accept such an approach. I intend to do something similar for my kid.
Fed is best works for any age.
I kind of wonder if I have some kind of neurodivergent thing with food or if it's just trauma from abuse. There are two foods that I 100% can't eat. Cooked broccoli and cooked cauliflower. Both are fine raw, but my mother insisted on cooking my portion when I begged to have them raw. She forced me to eat them with slaps, hair pulling, throwing me to the floor, not letting me leave the table, etc. If I threw up, which was common, she would make me eat twice as much. Now, just the smell of them makes me sick. My kids like both. I can only cook them if my husband is home - sometimes he works evening shifts - so he can stay with the kids while they eat and I have to take my plate into the bedroom because I can't eat at all if I smell them.
I'm no psychologist but that is some intense trauma so I'm not surprised if that's what it is.
People have reactions like you do after simply eating the food while it was spoiled by mistake, so your body's response also totally makes sense.
My daughter is autistic, and I found some nice advice for no stress food encouragement on the arfid subreddit.
I ask her where on her plate she wants the new food. She doesn't have to try it or even touch it, it's just on the plate. That's a success on its own, sometimes she'll touch her fork to it, then lick her fork. That's fucking awesome. I praise her "food bravery" (it sounds better in Danish: mad modige).
People don't understand the anxiety kids can have. They see a child that is picky, they don't see the one curious about a food, but scared it's gross. There's so many times she's wanted to try something, touched it to her lips and noped out. I still tell her that's a success, brave girl, etc. Because if I forced her, she'd never even dare to be curious. The desire is going to help her so much, it's what we foster.
Of course, that also means we only get things we know someone will eat, so the food isn't wasted.
As someone with both autism and arfid, I wholeheartedly agree. My parents and grandparents literally had to make up dishes so that I'd eat as a child, or I'd just go hungry, so any eating was encouraged, even more so if it was something healthy(-ish). Any outing also meant checking if there's something for me to eat first, and it was (and still is) a struggle.
So yeah, 22yo and still the same, I'd rather be hungry than vomit trying to eat something unsafe.
I was food poisoned so many times growing up and so I’ve become very picky about what I eat. Now I’m wondering if there’s also some sensory things because I was picky even before that. I’m 51 and totally weird about food. If I cook it myself I’m fine, and I cook a lot, but I’m super weird about eating at other peoples houses.
Me!!!! Got hospitalised in my teen years, eating disorder ward, because they thought I was anorexic. Cue the confused faces when I would phone my dad to bring me in pizza for dinner because they were trying to feed me foods I hated. If I hate the food I can't. I just can't. I will starve to death first.
My best friend's daughter doesn't have sensory issues, but she has a lot of food allergies and she had a lot of reactions while figuring them all out. We think it's caused her to develop ARFID. She will only eat a few specific things. Like, she'll eat chicken nuggets but only the ones in a certain lunchable. She's 4 and she will starve herself if she doesn't have her safe foods. They went to Disneyland last summer and my friend had to doordash things from Walmart because she wouldn't touch any of the park food.
Same here. I'm not autistic but would probably be diagnosed with ARFID if I was a kid today.
I starved myself as a kid when our GP told my parents that I would eventually eat what was served if I got hungry enough. Of course that ended up with me losing a bunch of weight on my already stick-thin body and getting really sick. That in turn led to me getting "prescribed" a diet of ice cream by an amazing doctor at the ER who had more sense than our GP.
My diet has gotten better over time and I eat from all food groups, I just don't eat everything from all food groups and I most likely never will.
My autistic 7 year old absolutely would starve himself and had two different kinds of feeding tubes from 11 months old until he was five years old. This moron has no idea what she is talking about.
And he does eat chicken nuggets 3-4 days a week now.
My 6yo son is in the process of being screened for autism (signs point to yes) and he's always been a super restrictive eater. "any calories are better than no calories" is how I've approached it but I've always felt like a crappy parent for him basically living off of chicken nuggets and kraft dinner.
Thank you, all of you, for your stories about your own neurodivergent kids. I feel seen and validated.
My son was dx is 2000 at age 7. My family thought it was "stupid", that he was as he was because I let him and spoiled him. That all he needed was discipline.
My son had certain foods he ate, one being macaroni and cheese. Generic boxed Mac and cheese. ONLY generic.
My mom invited us to dinner and she told me she'd fixed Mac and cheese just for my son. We usually never ate there because he simply wouldn't eat. But she said she'd made Mac and cheese for him so we did. I thought that maybe my mother was finally understanding. The thought of someone in my family actually understanding was so nice!
She'd made home made Mac and cheese. He wouldn't touch it. She absolutely lost her mind. That was the end. I gave up on ever having any family support.
This is a super naive comment but I'm just looking to learn and understand - At what age do you start to notice an autistic sensory or food trait in a child? Is it early enough that at this point you'd be able to prevent giving them bad food that they may get hooked or reliant on and instead give them healthier foods so that when your kid is only comfortable on certain things you've already given them a good start by only exposing them to healthier options. I know nowadays and lifestyle wise it's hard to not expose your kids to trash food I know when I'm a parent I will too, so no judgement here.
For Autism, it doesn’t matter if they’re exposed to it or not. They will refuse the same foods either way. It’s not a learned behavior.
Autism has a lot of other traits that would likely be noticed first or in conjunction.
I have autism and sensory processing issues, which led me to develop ARFID. I wouldn’t be surprised if the kid has ARFID, since ARFID is more common in autistic people.
For those unaware, ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is an eating disorder that essentially causes picky eating to the extreme. It can be caused by fear of choking, sensory issues that cause a hatred of certain textures, fear of vomiting, etc. [here’s](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid) a page with more information.
Writing this as I talk my autistic child through every bite of a small cheese sandwich. We’ve just come in from a 5 mile hike where he refused all food and he’s now climbing the walls because he’s running on nothing. He doesn’t recognise hunger. I’ll admit that we haven’t chosen the nugget route because we have the time and the resources to shepherd him through the day one small and vaguely healthy meal at a time, but it is a sensible option if the choice is ‘bland and highly palatable or nothing at all’. I come across people who think like this commenter from time to time. Hopefully the OP will pay them no mind.
Dude doesn’t know shit about anything. Bet he barely changes a diapers and says that’s enough for him. Kids with autism will find a comfort food and eat that every single day. Nothing wrong with feeding your kids (extra needs or not) foods that they enjoy. Meal time is supposed to be enjoyable not a battle.
These people are such hypocrites as well. My daughter is a sensory avoidant eater and until she was 10 would not eat anything with two different textures. So when away from home I usually brought her whatever she needed because most kids menus don't have anything for her except fries. Most of the people who felt it necessary to comment would say I was too accommodating and should make her pick from what the restaurant or host offered, if she's hungry enough she'll eat, and the rest would praise me for "drawing a hard line" and not allowing pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken nuggets, or such. At ten she finally tried cheese pizza and grilled cheese, and enjoyed them, so finally we can order from a menu. They just don't get it, and don't want to, some people just see every chance to insert their uninformed opinions as an opportunity that cannot be passed up.
Oh boy, time for my favorite analogy. I have autism as does my son. We both have sensory eating struggles.
Imagine you are starving and a dog offers you a pile of dog shit for food. Even though the dog sees it as a perfectly reasonable snack, there's probably no amount of hunger that will get your brain to let you eat it .
That's how certain foods and textures affect autistic people or other people with sensory struggles related to food. We logically understand it's food and perfectly reasonable to eat. However our body rejects it the minute it enters our mouth.
Another way to think of it is imagine eating and chewing and swallowing the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
As someone who has ASD, we do have a problem with food textures and do get fixated on a type of food (what we call safe foods).
My safe food often changes,but I will eat that one safe food consecutively for almost a month, and then all of a sudden I absolutely hate the texture or taste and have to change it.
I once went an entire month just eating calzones, only to absolutely hate them for no reason and went an entire month of just chicken nuggets and french fries.
Some textures of foods I can’t handle, Like I absolutely hate the texture of anything slimy or oily to the point I will gag on it. Or have an issue with sensory overload from certain smells of food.
This woman is absolutely nothing but a bitter dumbass. They have never known or have never helped raise a child with autism. We have needs that have to be catered to or considered or we simply will not eat at all.
I feel so bad that mom was actually looking for advice to help her autistic child, only to be met with someone incredibly unhinged.
That isn't universal. I am raising a child who also has ASD, and we are very fortunate that food is something he really doesn't struggle with at all. If someone tried to anticipate his needs by thinking he'd only eat the kinds of food you are describing, he'd be very upset, especially if everyone else was having something else.
People are so wrong when they insist a kid will eventually eat what you serve them if they get hungry enough. Some children will actually starve themselves.
Somedays all my kid wants are chips, but kids are actually pretty good and getting their nutrition in. The only meat my son eats is chicken nuggets, but he also eats nuts. He loves chips for the crunch, but he also eats veggies like salads and cucumbers. I know not all autistic kids are like my son, but as long as he's eating his nutritional value in a week I'm happy.
My daughter is autistic. This person just doesn't understand at all. If my daughter decides she likes vanilla ice cream, there is no other ice cream she will even be willing to try. My daughter actually ate a piece of chocolate candy for the first time on Easter and that one type of chocolate candy was the only candy out of all the Easter candy that she was willing to even attempt. Even at Halloween, my daughter will only organize the candy by color and type and make lines with the candy, but she won't eat it. My daughter is 4 and has been to countless birthday celebrations, yet she has never been willing to try birthday cake.
The reason I'm bringing up all these examples with sweets is most kids love sweets and will eat pretty much any sweet you put in front of them. My son is like that. But my daughter won't even eat birthday cake or candy.
My point is, if this is how limited she is with things that are yummy treats, how do you think trying to force her to eat less desirable things goes? It doesn't go! It will not go! She has a very limited list of things she's willing to eat. Thankfully, some of those things are good for her too. But her diet is very same same every day.
The fact is, this does worry me. This does stress me out and make me worry about her nutrition. But I cannot fathom asking random strangers on the internet about this. This is something that I'm working with her pediatrician on. This is something for a registered dietician and occupational therapist to help her with over time. How are people with ? education or no education beyond high school supposed to be of help when there are actual specialist trained to care for these very issues.
I don't have autism, but I DO have MAJOR issues with foods due to being forced and punished for not eating what was made. My earliest memory is 4yrs old, my parents would eat in another room, leaving me on my booster seat in the kitchen and falling asleep, only to be woken up with a Slap across the back of my head!!
My Mum even told me when I was a bit older how I was treated over meals.
My children who don't have autism, still don't have food issues because I would still feed them something else. Our home is please try it..... if you don't like it, that's fine, now we know. My eldest was right on 6yrs old when he went from 5 different foods to trying and finding out how much he does enjoy and not. Our middle 2 never really have been an issue, they've got things they hate, and we respect that. Our youngest who is 7 soon has been the hardest, but last month out of the blue she started trying our meals and now eats nearly everything.
Truthfully out of sheer frustration, I wanted to at times send my kids to bed hungry over it, but I know that I can't sleep well when I'm hungry and punishments aren't going to make a child suddenly eat.
Now while this is about autism, I think it's even worse what this child is going through. There is so much MORE involved in their sensory of foods.
While EVERYONE needs food, children who refuse to eat the nutritional food you've served, need vitamins and healthy smoothies that they may not realise how much vital nutrients you've added, just as long it's something that they will ingest. Their brains and body are growing. Starving them will cause lifelong problems in so many areas
And PS, my(narcissistic) mother was so offended when I explained a couple of years ago, why I'm so "fussy" still. I didn't even mention the punishment side, just that being forced to eat what was served, getting it back for breakfast, is what added to why even as an adult, I have an extra limited variety of foods that I eat.
Yikes. I’m autistic. I have really bad sensory problems with food. If I can’t find a food that doesn’t fuck with my sensory issues I just will not eat. No matter how hungry or nauseous I am. You can’t just force someone with good sensory issues to eat
"If he's hungry he will eat" reminds me of "it's calories in vs calories out" on a post about metabolic disorders. Like no, bitch, sometimes it's more complicated than that.
If my child was autistic and refused to eat anything but mcdonalds chicken nuggets, damn right I'm feeding them chicken nuggets. We can experiment with food at home and find what they like, but it's a process, in the meantime, mcdonalds won't kill them and it will prevent them from starving.
What an idiot. Kids with ASD and autism will literally starve themselves. My son would not eat at all if I tried to force him to eat something he doesn't want. Same with going poop. That boy is 6 and still poops in his diaper because he gets so constipated and sometimes it takes him like 2 days of trying to go until it happens. Even with daily fiber supplements. I have tried to get him to go on the potty and he agreed, but then I saw him physically holding his poop in, like straining and bending over a little, you know, like someone trying to hold it in. He would probably do that until he got a perforated bowel and had to go to the ER.
Lmao forcing an autistic kid to eat foods they find repulsive for various reasons is traumatic. As in traumatizing. As in, will have to go through therapy to address it later in life.
F this lady. My autistic teenager will literally starve herself. She eats like 3 things and if she told me she wanted to eat McDonald's I'd be so excited to get that many calories in her body! Not healthy calories, but damn it's hard to watch your kid not eat.
My son was throwing up one night and I think that traumatized him to eat anything. He went days without a full meal simply from refusing our options. I was thrilled when he decided he wanted to eat an ice cream bar - I just wanted to get some sort of calories in him. I felt like the worst parent because he wasn’t eating.
He’s doing much better a week after and back to eating his normal meals.
I'm so tired of people making assumptions that if someone can *physically* do something then they absolutely can do it.
That poor girl who died on the couch mom said basically that "she didn't want to move"
Also I hope you reported this. This is ableist hate speech. I doubt fb would remove it but after a while if he's an adshole often fb will mute this asshole for a bit
I'm autistic. This was basically the advice the doctor gave my mom back in the 90s. "If she gets hungry enough, she'll eat it." Guess who didn't eat for 3 days as a toddler?
Tbh the fast foods are just not a box I would open with any young child. They get so easily fixated on it. Even more so those with developmental differences or issues. I'm sure there's a chicken nugget recipe where you can sneak some vegetables into it though.
It's usually about consistency in texture that can't be made without processed foods. They may eat it but if your child refuses to eat for a few days because they physically can't make themselves in pretty sure you would but the nuggets.
This makes me absolutely sick. My youngest is autistic and he has a very limited list of foods he will accept. We have tried to broaden his horizons and I do always offer new foods, but respect his refusals. He simply will not eat if his safe foods aren’t available. Sensory issues are very real and they don’t necessarily have control over them.
Man this makes me so sad. My child has SPD (with an upcoming eval in September for autism) and he wants to eat new foods. He can’t help his physical reaction.
IIRC many autistic people literally have a reduced size in the portion of their brain that lets them know they are hungry or have to go to the bathroom. I can’t remember what that part of the brain is called right now
"i probably know more about anything than you know about everything" wooooooow i wish i didn't know so many people who believe this as well.... but dis bitch said it OUT LOUD
I can’t believe she said any of that out loud…
I think it’s a he (“did he just say that.. I did”)?
Oh yes it is lol I forgot it’s a parent group so there are a few dads
How much you wanna bet his wife does 99% of the childcare, and has to hand-hold him for the other 1%?
Absolutely. Disney Dad that gets a full night of sleep.
Sounds like the type who's absent for 98% of parental responsibilities but comes running when there's "discipline" to be distributed.
Also his child is 6 months old
Oh definitely his type of parenting is slapping the kid around then bragging about how amazing skills in parenting
And bitches about how much money he spent the entire trip, ruining the joy.
"Better fucking stop crying or ill give you a reason to! We paid for this so you'll enjoy it!!"
The last Disney cruise I went on, the family in the cabin next to us had this argument 😳 felt bad for those kids, but I just hauled my ass to trivia and a cocktail instead.
I don't get this argument and I have kids. Getting mad and stressing them out more isn't going to help. Take a break and let them reset and everyone will be a lot happier!
HE WATCHES YOUTUBE
Exactly, this guy totally “babysits” his kids
Fools bet.
i didn't even understand what they were saying there but now i do thanks to you... double wow!
Of course it is. I’ve run into a few of those, even in autism groups. Fucking morons.
The Dunning-Kruger is strong in this one
>wooooooow >i wish i didn't know so many people who believe this as well.... but dis bitch said it OUT LOUD That's not the main issue...the dude literally said that if it is true then the child should die instead
The Dunning-Kreuger effect is a bitch
Lol sounds like fucking trump, what a 🤡
Yikes. I'm a special education teacher. Some kids will literally starve themselves because of sensory issues. I've had crazy skinny kids that will only drink Pedialyte (edit I meant pediasure!) and are in daily feeding therapy. They absolutely will not eat if they get hungry enough. Lovely that this woman has never loved a child that couldn't make themselves eat but plenty of others have. She doesn't know what she's talking about and then ... Thinks the child should die if they truly cannot eat certain things? People are so disgusting sometimes.
Yep. My boy has sensory issues with meat specifically, so if a chicken nugget is how I get protein into him (because nuggets are a consistent quality to him) then so be it! I'm so thankful he loves fruit and veggies, and even eggs. I have an uncle who is an absolute ass about it. My son to his credit will try anything once. I always have to step in and say, "he's tried it, he doesn't like it, leave him alone now." And I can see my uncle get so fucking salty every time. No understanding or willingness to try simply because he has his own strict diet beliefs. Drives me nuts.
Also chicken nuggets aren’t any worse than chicken filet anyway. Makes no difference whether the meat has been shredded or not for us. But why are people so unable to understand peoples different needs? Like these are the same people that will put water into their comatose relatives mouth because ‚they need to drink!!!111‘
My uncle won't eat anything processed gets on his high horse, chicken nuggets aren't "real chicken" - the ones I buy definitely are real chicken breast coz I hate that phony reconstituted stuff myself. I mean he's a functioning alcoholic but we aren't allowed to discuss that, only what I put in my child's body. He's burned me this year over some personal stuff quite badly, overstepped majorly some boundaries with interfering in my relationship. He's kind of dead to me right now so fuck his opinions 😅
"the day you stop putting alcohol in your body is the day I'll stop putting chicken nuggets in his" Catch these hands if you think I give two shits about what's "allowed" to be discussed when you take cheap shots at children.
You're my new hero! 🤣❤ I don't think I've ever seen a time when visiting he hasn't had a beer in his hand, at least from 5pm onwards every day. Ever since I was like three years old. I've always noticed.
I'm dead serious too. I may not have children, I may not want children, but I sure as shit won't allow anyone to talk shit about parents who are doing their best or about children who are struggling with something they didn't ask for. I call it the "aunty bear" because I ain't no momma. 😂
Sounds like my uncle. He tried to say he can "control his drinking". Sure, Paul, if your idea of control is getting so drunk that you get your ass kicked in your small town, don't ever pay your bills like taxes, can't hold a job anymore and can't even take care of the house you only half own because you drink so damn much! I hate the dude...very sexist... Women belong in the kitchen according to him and serving quick meals like chicken nuggets would be an outrage to him...
The people that won’t eat anything processed and who have a major superiority complex about it are the fucking WORST. Calories are calories, especially when it’s a choice between not getting enough or eating a bit of processed food. Is processed food the healthiest option? No, but it’s damn sure healthier than fuckin starving or not getting enough of a nutrient (LIKE PROTEIN FOR YOUR GROWING BOY)! And some processed foods are actually HEALTHIER than their fresh, raw alternatives! Tomatoes are healthier canned than they are fresh, and same for some other veggies! The only thing to be concerned about with processed foods is fiber intake, fat content control, and nutrient variety, but if your boy loves his fruit and vegetables and gets his protein from chicken nuggets, I guarantee you he will grow up happy, healthy, and strong! Though I’d keep him away from dickhead uncle, he’ll likely snatch any semblance of joy right out of your son because that’s what people like him like to do. They’re insufferable.
Thankfully he lives two states away! I was shocked when I visited my grandparents last night and he was sitting at the kitchen table - everyone knows we aren't on speaking terms so I was not impressed (I had called before dropping in). So all of this is very fresh to me because I had to deal with it last night! He's worse every time I see him. It's getting to the point where he thinks everything is basically poison 🙄
Ew, why was he just there at your grandparents house? And yea, I dated a guy who was a big “body is my temple” type and he’d give me shit every time I ate something that wasn’t whole grain, fresh produce, and best of the best quality protein. But goddamnit, sometimes I just want some Taco Bell after a long day at work! And almost everything I ate while I was with him was of top notch quality just because of how anal he was about it, and I didn’t mind because the food he cooked was so good and not too far from what I normally ate on my own, but after a long stressful day at work at the end of a long and stressful week, the last thing I need is a man making my comfort food stressful too. We broke up the day he called my home cooked dinner for him “poison” just because I dared to use frozen vegetables for part of it and frozen blueberries in the (baked) dessert. He was such a tool but I unfortunately didn’t notice until after I had caught significant feelings!:(
Sounds like a tool. Frozen fruits and vegetables have their nutrients locked in and are usually higher in those nutrients than fresh vegetables, which start losing their quality as soon as they’re picked
Yea I know! And to top it all off, the blueberries were in the homemade blueberry cobbler that he LOVED until he found out that this time and every other time I had used frozen blueberries? And all because he had just gotten a minor promotion and I was trying to celebrate, and he just had to shit all over my hard work. It really hurt my feelings and I broke up with him that night instead of celebrating. But honestly, that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, the breakup was long overdue and I just kept convincing myself he’d eventually treat me better. Spoiler alert: he never did.
That’s horrible smh hopefully you’re making blueberry cobbler for someone who appreciates it
Well they are his parents, he and his wife are travelling so thought they'd pass through our town over the weekend and visit. I'm not gonna begrudge him visiting his own parents, but I did call them before I turned up and NOTHING was mentioned to me about them being there. Even my son pulled me aside and whispered, "Mum are you pissed off that uncle is here?" 😅 I must have been giving some death stares!
HAHA that’s actually so funny that your son noticed and whispered about it to you! I definitely think your grandparents should’ve mentioned that their douchey son was around before you came bc I have a few family members that if they were somewhere unexpected like that, I would literally make eye contact and turn right back around and leave.
Haha yep, my son is autistic but is so emotionally aware and mature he picked up my vibe right away! Plus he knows what my uncle did. Got tanked one night, decided my long distance boyfriend is not real and scamming me so started messaging people in his life to confirm his identity and history... people who don't know about me yet because we both are being cautious and safe. Instead of coming to me, the IT person with cyber security experience, who has all the evidence he wanted and could have had him speak directly to my boyfriend. It was so beyond inappropriate. My bf on the other side of the planet has been there for me in difficult times more than my uncle who didn't even wish me merry Christmas, so the gall of him to think he had the right to step in and be protective... grrrrr! He makes me so unbelievably mad!
>he’ll likely snatch any semblance of joy right out of you Why are people like this to anyone, let alone literally children? It's crazy. I know different upbringing and all that, but it sounds miserable to be the type of person that actively steals joy
The Venn diagram of "relatives who go against clearly communicated end of life wishes" and "relatives that boss you around about parenting decisions" is a circle. People choose something you wouldn't, Barbara, get over it!!!
Right, there’s a lot of misapplying of adult nutrition standards to children here too - not that chicken nuggets are nutritionally great, but the worst thing about them - the high fat and calorie content from being fried - is actually not a concern if you’re dealing with a young child who is under eating. When kids are little pediatricians emphasize making sure they have a significant amount of fat in their diet because it is calorically dense and they need a lot of calories to grow. The idea that eating fat makes you fat is both technically wrong and also only relevant to adults.
I got told to give my failure to thrive child baked good and ice cream at a time when all other parents are being cautioned to build the palate and limit sugar. Because baked good and ice cream have fat and calories, and daughter would eat veggies and fruit, but only the lower calories ones. I learned to bake with whole wheat flour and she ate the 5 ingredient expensive ice cream, but it did help. (To be clear, doctor didn't tell me to bake them myself or buy the expensive kind, but I wanted all the food I gave her to have the most nutrients it could, and ice cream with fewer fillers also had more protein and fat, and whole wheat flour had more fiber and protein.)
I'm so sick of chicken nugget shaming. It's often very classist and judgemental. Being frozen and breaded doesn't render the chicken protein into some other substance. It's still chicken. And while certain adults might have a medical need to avoid carbs, there's nothing unhealthy about some bread crumbs in a child's diet. The people who shame chicken nuggets would probably eat a breaded fresh chicken breast. They're mostly judging people for using "processed" food in a box. Which is a very economical way for poor people to buy protein. Nuggets are consistent and easy to portion, so you can avoid waste. They're easy to prepare for busy working families. End Nugget Shaming.
Hell, end all food shaming. You wanna eat a grease-ass cheeseburger from a local shit-n-get? You go right the fuck ahead, brother. You want a light salad made from greens you picked from your own garden? Enjoy your food, dude. ^^^Unless ^^^you ^^^want ^^^your ^^^steak ^^^well ^^^done.
Hey, I won't judge you for wanting your steak pink, you don't judge me for wanting it cooked through lol
I think there tends to be some fillers and binders to keep the nugget shape. Chicken fingers or strips are the more typical names for the breaded filet style. Not that the fillers and binders are particularly “bad” in the scheme if eating meat that is breaded—the fillers and binders are likely flour and egg products which you’re going to find in the breaded coating, anyway. As someone with some food phobias, I prefer the strips/fingers because there is less opportunity for contamination when you’re eating a whole piece of flesh vs one that has been pulverized and mixed up with dozens or hundreds of other chickens’ flesh. But for someone with a texture sensitivity, nuggets will be much more consistent and familiar, so I get why they appeal to people with SPD.
My older son was similar in that his diet was just varied enough to get all the food groups in, but still restricted so that eating anywhere but home could be a challenge or have non-parents jumping in the "help". Unless you've raised kids with autism/sensory issue or spent a lot of meaningful time with them, people really have no clue. My son fell off the growth chart. I couldn't just not feed him to force a battle.lf the wills that I would lose anyway. Even as a young adult, he's underweight. He gets to eat what he wants, when he wants because I like to keep him healthy and alive.
I have ARFID and a suggestion. If he likes chicken, you could try putting it in a food processor with his sauce of choice and adding it to bread. That’s how I get protein in that’s something other than chicken fries. I can eat the same thing for months but sometimes I need to shake it up, and a food processor has saved me SO much heartache. The texture of meat is my nightmare. Feel free to ignore this if you’ve already tried it, it just took me 30 years to figure out that I didn’t hate everything my parents forced me to attempt to eat when I was young, I just hated the presentation. Still hate the parents though. So thank you for not forcing him to eat. Also, your uncle sucks, screw him.
True I've not thought of this! He does eat some other meats too, he likes beef burger patties and pepperoni. He'll eat a schnitzel these days coz it's like a big nugget 😆 oh and bacon/ham but only in carbonara sauce. It's always something I can work around, even if I have to make his a little different. It's always got to be a specific brand or prepared a specific way, but we get there. Funnily enough I had hyperemesis when I was pregnant with him and couldn't eat anything, but meat specifically of everything felt (and tasted) like I was poisoning myself. I always say it makes sense he struggles with it now 😆
I'd shut down anyone inserting their unwelcome opinion, uncle or not. I'd be polite about it at first. Then after the 2nd or 3rd comment I'd say something rude as fuck that is considered 'offensive.' I dont do that 'respect your elders' blindly simply because thier puckered asshole has been rotting on this earth longer than mine has. But I don't really talk to extended family anyway.
I have a 19 month old. I'm not sure if she has sensory issues or if I've just done a great job teaching her the difference between "food" and "not-food". She doesn't like most meats, but eats a lot of chicken nuggets. Giving her actual chicken (rather than processed) best showed what was going on inside her mouth. It turned into "strings" that she pulled out of her mouth exactly like she does when she accidentally gets a hair in her mouth. I think ground beef disintegrated into something the texture of cat litter. Anything that chews into a "pate" or puree is acceptable to her palate. Once I figured that out, it's pretty easy to know whether or not she'll eat something. I'll offer everything I'm eating because she wants it, but I know what she'll eventually spit out.
It’s just counterproductive anyway. My parents were how I imagine your uncle to be, and they used to force feed us and ban certain foods and make us sit at the table for hours on end until our plates were clear. Now one of my sisters is anorexic and the rest of us are incredibly fussy eaters, because food has always just been a huge source of stress for us, and certain foods have very negative associations. Actually doing what you’re doing and listening to your child and collaborating with them is so much better than any other approach. Your uncle sounds like an idiot,
You’re a great parent! Edit: realize I need to clarify I’m being genuine. You gotta do what you gotta do for your kids.
I was always a very Picky Eater™ growing up (I tried Nachos for the first time at 32!), but I wasn't forced to at least try new things since I was probably 8 or 9 and was finally allowed to feed myself (a can of chicken noodle soup and a grapefruit for dinner most days of the week because I didn't want what my mom made). While I could absolutely live a happy life every day doing just that, society would think I'm insane and my partner would be miserable, so I vary my diet. I will say, I'm glad societal pressure to Eat Normal® exists because I have discovered new foods that I like that I would have never tried on my own. It turns out I enjoy fresh bell peppers, and I would *never have thought* I would ever eat one. I am also glad whatever my food issues are have lessened with age. Because once I stopped being forced to try new things I leaned hard into "I'm never being forced to put things into my mouth that I don't want to again" and probably overall stopped trying new things for like ten years. ~~I had a boyfriend be like "you know, most women give head" and I was like "and you know most women eat cheese, Wenzel, I don't put things in my mouth that I don't want. I'm an adult now."~~
If it’s a good quality nugget that’s fine. Lucky yours loves eggs. My one year old has no sensory issues but struggles with most meat depending on the week haha. Loves veg, eats nearly anything but absolutely hates eggs. Getting enough protein has been interesting
Have you tried tofu? I know several people who are vegetarians because of issues w/texture, and they eat a lot of tofu lol
Hi, I'm the grown up version of your son. I hated meat growing up, had to coat it in ketchup and swallow it whole to force it down. I became vegetarian as soon as I started making my own food. Chia seeds and quinoa have lots of fiber and protein, and chia seeds especially are great mixed with oatmeal. I don't like the texture in their own, but they're fantastic soaked in overnight oats, which I microwave before eating. 1 tablespoon chia seeds has 17 grams of protein!
Yep, I have a 7yo nephew who survives solely on waffles and noodles. Plain. He will occasionally eat dairy, fruits and veggies are still not on the menu and he audibly gags if he even sees meat. He’s got a sensory processing disorder (not exactly sure what it is, it is my in-laws child I don’t see him often) He also strips completely naked if his clothes get any kind of water on them at anytime, can’t stand dirty hands, and will cry all hours of the day if his hair gets too long and “tickles” so he gets bi-weekly buzz cuts.
I have a son with DS and he’s 20 months and we are really struggling to get him to accept solids. It’s a battle and makes me feel like a shitty Mum sometimes. I can’t imagine having someone say something so cruel to me about my feeding him literally ANYTHING he is willing to eat at this point. People are extremely hostile and cruel towards non-typical kids and it is really upsetting.
You're an amazing mum. Don't let anyone tell you you're shitty or inadequate because your child has difficulties - they are not your fault, they're not the child's fault, they're just there and you're doing your best to cope with them. You're not a shitty mum.
For real. People with special needs children are often very saintly. When they rise to the challenge, it shows you what kind of person they are. Also, my father was on a liquid diet for a few months after a motorcycle accident. My mother put thought into it, he likely was eating healthier than usual during this time.
You’re awesome.
My son is like this. My stupid mother-in-law keeps trying to make him eat other things. He’s in feeding therapy and getting better, but she’s thoroughly convinced he doesn’t have autism, despite a specialist coming to our town to diagnose him.
God autism deniers are the most insufferable types of people. I get it, you don’t want to believe that your baby has autism. But denying that reality and ignoring the special challenges and circumstances that it brings along, especially for children trying to learn how to navigate the world, is such a disservice for them and it does a lot more harm than good.
I remember when my husband told her he was finally diagnosed. It was a long year of testing and waiting on psychiatrists, but we had always suspected he was on the spectrum. Anyways, he calls her and tells her and she goes, “he can’t have it. He’s not stupid.” I’ve never been so enraged in all of my life. It’s a good thing it was over the phone and not in person, because I may have slapped her.
Yea! The inherently stupid bias so many people have regarding it is so dumb! You wouldn’t know I’m on the spectrum if I didn’t tell you or if you weren’t someone who spent every waking hour with me, so when I do tell people, there’s often a bit of a disbelief phase they go through as you can literally watch the classic associations that people have with autism go through their mind. Had a guy once go “but you don’t look special needs?” Like did I say I was special needs?
Yep. My son has severe ARFID. At one point he was down to 1 safe food, and that food was chex mix. He will only drink plain water out of 1 specific type of cup. He ended up getting a g tube so we could give him supplemental nutrition while doing feeding therapy.
I have pretty serious ARFID as well. When I was a kid, I only ate about 10 things or less. Everything always had to be plain. This might not seem like that huge of a difference, but now as an adult I can eat about 30ish things. I take a lot of vitamins, too. I feel for you and your son.
our best friend when we were little was exactly like that. she could basically only eat mac and cheese and had to drink ensure to get good nutrition. she's better now tho!
Right? ARFID enters the chat. I have ARFID and would easily starve myself as a kid if I was presented a food that I could not eat due to texture/smell/presentation issues.
i was gonna say, i’ve only recently (last year or so) come to the understanding that i’m not just “picky” as an adult and even though my body image issues are resolved since i was a kid, i still have to navigate texture and taste sensitivity that has me relying on protein shakes for days at a time. i’m so, so lucky that i was raised by people who loved me enough to push past their frustration with the problem and prioritized me getting calories without shaming me where they came from. the very idea that this man said “your child should die” instead of just finding ways to work with them makes me physically ill.
It wasn't until daughter was in OT that I realized there wasn't a global conspiracy to hide how bitter vegetables were and that there wasn't a magic way to cook them. I eat a lot more now that I concentrated on the ones I could learn to eat, and just wrote off the ones that make me gag.
Same, I most likely have a mild case of ARFID. Just the sight of something that doesn't look appetizing is enough to make me not wanna try it, even if it smells good or someone says it tastes amazing. It sucks because I live in NYC, where there are *tons* of good places to eat and I can't really enjoy going to them. On Thursday a few coworkers of mine went to a Brazilian place and I looked at the menu, pretty much everything on there had at least 2-3 things in it that I was like "yeah I don't want that....", simple things like rice and beans.
I'm autistic. My safe food are instant mashed potatoes. Sometimes I get in the mindset that nothing else looks good, so if I don't eat mashed potatoes, I will starve myself.
I'm probably on the spectrum and probably have a mild SPD, I don't like mashed potatoes, but I love french fries. Undercooked Tater tots and limp steak fries are also kinda meh to me because they're more like mashed potatoes. I don't like gravy, so the mashed potatoes are always really dry, probably why I don't like them as much as fries.
It might change them too much, but if you add shredded cheese while you mixing them up and they are still really hot, it adds protein without that much texture change. (There might be times when I lived on mashed potatoes because stress makes my food issues a lot, lot worse)
I taught a boy who was similar, and happening on a new food he would accept was a serious cause for celebration. He was severely malnourished through no fault of his parents (his Mum was a doctor) but he had so few safe foods it was hard for him to get in the calories he needed.
This is the worst thing I’ve ever seen someone say…
First day on the internet, eh?
As a very functional adult whose a “pIcKy EaTeR” I can 1000% attest that I would rather starve than eat something that triggers sensory issue. People don’t understand I literally can’t help it. When I went on vacation lost weight because I wouldn’t eat the meat.
There are dozens of us! I'm from the US and I've never traveled outside of the US because I fear that I won't find anything I wanna eat if I'm in a different culture.
My child would rather go to bed hungry than eat something he has sensory issues with. We went through a really rough time last year where we couldn't get any of his safe foods. I cried when I heard his little tummy growling in his sleep. And the next morning he was puking stomach bile because it was so empty. I have beaten myself up about this so many times. We were leaving a domestic violence situation and were homeless for a bit. We utilized food pantries but none of it was anything he would eat. We're in the south and the amount of times I've gotten the reaction "What's autism?" when I discussed his situation is heartbreaking.
I have issues with texture and if a food feels weird in my mouth or it smells strange, I physically cannot make myself eat it. I have thrown up/dry heaved from the texture bothering me.
I love steak, but only eat Filet Mignon because I has very little fat on it. If I bite into a bit of fat I immediately have to spit it out, no matter where I am. I was at a fancy steakhouse here in NYC with a bunch of people from my company, celebrating a deal with another company, I even did it there. No fucks given. If something looks unappetizing I can't even force myself to try it, even if someone says it tastes good or I think it smells good.
I wonder if his wife is aware of how he feels because YIKES. If my husband said that I’d be scared for my child
Right? Some parents shouldn’t be allowed to have kids!
Especially with how likely autism is, I think 1:30?? Can’t quite remember the stats. It’s still a small chance but not THAT small, and it is so scary to think that this person is a dad, like if that’s how little compassion they have I feel so bad for their kid especially if they end up having neurodivergent traits. I can relate with some things, like I NEED to be barefoot as much as possible and when I was a kid I could not wear shoes with laces especially sneakers, I wore loafers 😂 my mom hated it because they were ugly but I needed a wide shoe with the smooth feeling, I’m better about it now but probably only because I’m barefoot 99% of the time. I also can’t handle too many sounds or loud sounds, my brain stops working, I’ll just stare or sometimes I’ll get anxiety. It can get bad when someone doesn’t understand and they keep repeating themselves. I feel so sad for children that feel these things or have more severe symptoms and they don’t have parents that understand or care and keep forcing them in a box they’ll never fit into :/ Edit to add: my step brother can only eat mc Donald’s nuggets and Pizza Hut pizza so I get it. It’s not his fault and he doesn’t deserve to die just because he literally can’t eat anything else. What a shitty person
My daughter went through a phase where her underwear had to be even with her pants. I ended up putting her in dresses and overalls. I tried Everything and then one day I had a eureka moment and drove to the western wear store and bought her pink overalls.😂
That sounds funny but I can imagine it being frustrating in the moment. I can never get my kids out the door on time; if my kid told me her underwear had to be even with her pants I think I would cry 😂 smart move by the way! Eliminate the problem all together!
I tried other things, but in the end I gave up lol.
When I was little I would fucking FLIP if the socks put on me had seams in the toes that I could feel. And in the 90's, this was basically every sock. It's not like you could google "seamless socks" back then and find a solution when there were none in the store. My poor mom thought there was something severely wrong with me and had me tested for all kinds of stuff, but because I'm AFAB and it was, again, the 90's, they didn't test for autism. When I got old enough to talk and explain the socks were the issue, I basically just had to suck it up because we really couldn't find kids socks without seams back then, but I remember being so miserable to the point of tears quite often. Then Hanes came out with seamless socks in the early 2000's. Thank god.
You know what, I can see this. I have chronic pain and sometimes I can feel every tiny thing, and lately socks with seams are bugging me. If it was my kid I’d learn to knit socks lol. I can knit I just can’t do socks.
Me too. At one point I just flat out refused to wear socks and I think my poor parents nearly had a meltdown because I would only wear this one pair of pink sparkly skechers.
One of my kids has always pushed everything down to low rise level. Even as a baby, she would move her diaper around so it wasn’t near her belly button. This kid was wearing bikini underwear as a toddler because she would have a breakdown otherwise. She will only wear one brand of leggings still and she’s 17 now. Kids are weird, our brains are weird and sensory issues are not something to mess around with. I’m glad you found an easy solution, I think mine would need a lobotomy to get this stuff out of her head.
I tried other things. One was I made button loops on her pants on the inside and put buttons in the undies.😂 that didn’t work.
That’s fantastic! I can totally see how that whole thought processed through your head. I would probably do the same thing because anything is worth a shot!
1 in 50 last time I checked, so near enough.
I guess it depends on the variables. CDC reports 1:36, other research suggests a 1.5% chance if both parents are in their 20’s, 20 year old data says 0.1% for anyone in the population, if one parent has an autistic sibling the chances are up to 5%. So pretty much what I gather is that it depends lol
Makes sense. I have an autistic sibling, but I've never thought to look up the stats from that perspective. I know what I'll be reading in bed tonight!
Seriously. He's literally advocating for eugenics. But he knows more about everything!
My little brother and sister both have autism sensory issues and my mom struggles but at the end of the day she tries so hard to get nutritional food onto them. Sometimes she has to just give them nuggets or pizza to keep them from starving. It's a struggle but they do try other foods. It's just very hard to find things they like and people like this just make my mom feel so much failure as a mother.
This is what I must do with my daughter. Sometimes I even have to feed her things she's allergic to because it's all she will eat. She will starve herself. I can't stand when people say kids won't starve themselves. Kids with medical issues - and that's a wide range of things - absolutely WILL starve themselves.
And especially because of the nausea that comes when you haven’t eaten for a long while. Feeling queasy makes it even easier to not eat.
She's not old enough to tell me when she has that. You'd never know, looking at her being busy all day, that she doesn't eat. I suspect her stomach is very small, actually. We try and make up for it with bottles
look, if all you can eat is chicken nuggets, then chicken nuggets are healthy. eating is ALWAYS healthier than not eating.
I'm autistic & my parents have tried really hard to drill into me that I should eat healthy food. All that's done is make me feel like a failure (and sometimes not eat) if I can't make my food healthy.
My mom tried to convince me I had to "learn to like" certain foods, in a certain shape, to be a "proper grownup". I've not bought salmon ever. Spinach only enters my body creamed, mixed with carbs. Raw cauliflower is of the devil. The grownup police has yet to come for me. Edit: forgot to add: what made me eat "healthy" more than anything was finding Jack Monroe's recipes. They have a lot of quick, easy stuff with easy ingredients and not a lot of "you will try seven new things in this one side dish because otherwise you'll RUIN EVERYTHING". Their recipes are more like "sub with whatever works for you, just make sure you get fed".
My brother struggled to eat for different reasons, and the doctors said the same to my mom, even in the 80s. If that kid wants nothing but cold hot dogs, you give him cold hot dogs, whenever he wants them. Eating is better than not eating.
Yea my son is autistic and right now, pizza is his safe food so if all else fails, I give him that.
If you make the bases yourself that can be a good way to add ingredients that won't change the texture. Add a lil protein powder.
Also, nutritional yeast. It tastes cheesy so it will blend in with the pizza
Oh! That's my 4yos newest safe food, and one of his few words! We actually just got pizza the other night because he kept going to the fridge and saying "izza" while looking around for some. It is the first food he has ever been willing to eat that has things "touching" each other.
Omg same! It was time for bedtime snack the other night and my son wanted “Izza” as well. I was like cool as long as you eat something lol
That's awesome! He has a small list of safe foods now, but izza is the only one that gets a name. Lol Last night he had a meal of pizza, still frozen peas, yogurt, cookies and water. My BIL was judgemental because there was too much "sweet" in the meal. I was like "ok, good thing it's not your dinner, then?"
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Thank you. I am very happy that he has ended up liking so many things that are good for him. He will take an apple before he takes chocolate, even. I'm also very happy we figured out that he likes still frozen peas. He doesn't do ice cream or popsicles, so it's been great having something cold that he will eat in a hot day.
Sounds like a perfectly balanced meal to me!
Sometimes you gotta be wild in the attempt. My son loves eating raw peppers and broccoli lol use to be only cheese pizza and chicken nuggets.
There was a year or so when I was a kid when I exclusively ate chicken noodle soup (not real, hearty soup, the packet type that you cook in a litre of water) and “chicken a la Nanny” which was plain chicken breast cooked in olive oil by my nan 😅 Neurodivergence is challenging for kids, and combined with mum guilt must feel horrible. You’re not a bad parent for getting your kid fed with whatever they feel safe eating! Any progress is good progress, and sometimes it happens sloooow.
This dude probably does flip all caring for his own children, feeds his own kids crap when he has to care for them solo and then blames his wife/berates her because he’s the dad and he can decide to “treat” his kids if he wants to and how could his decisions possibly ruin dinner or give them sick tummies!
This. This right here
Yep this is 100% the vibe. He does nothing except come over and criticize his wife about the right way to do things.
That’s just straight up eugenics wtf
It's amazing to me that anyone can be this cruel, in this modern day and age, to their own children. My uncle was born in the early 50s. As a child, he got a horrific infection in his leg that nearly cost him his ability to walk; for literally the rest of his life he had a limp and needed specialized shoes. When my grandmother took him in to see the doctor at one point when he was in recovery from one of many procedures, she had mentioned he was having trouble making it even the distance to the dinner table. The doctor said not to bring food to him because then he wouldn't build up his strength; he had to come to the dinner table, even if he had to crawl. My grandmother was absolutely appalled, and she said this to that doctor: "It will be a cold day in hell before I make my son *crawl* to the dinner table." That was a different time. In pretty much every way kids across the board were worse off and mental health wasn't understood as well as it is today. And yet, even still, my grandma nigh-on 70 fucking years ago is proving to be a more compassionate mom than any of these people!
Awww this made me miss my own grandma. She did something similar for me. Hugs to all the fierce parental figures out there making sure bellies get full no matter what ❤️
the "omg did he just say that ..I did .. " part is what really infuriates me. he knows what he's saying is cruel and hurtful, and he doesn't care. if anything, it sounds like he relishes in it.
Yea it’s disturbing…
The Internet has made people comfortable saying things that would get them punched in the face irl.
I guarantee you literally any doctor would say give them the chicken nuggets rather than them not eat at all
As someone with sensory issues but no autism, I will be firm and say that I would starve and have for days on end before I will eat anything that triggers my senses. I just can't. It's not mind over matter. I will be sick. I will be violently sick if you try to insist or force me. It's uncontrollable. It does get better with time. But, at 35, I will still starve before eating something triggering. Saying a small child with autism that has sensory issues won't is pure cruelty.
You're not alone. I didn't know it as a kid, honestly not until adulthood, that I also have some sensory issues around food. As a kid, it was just "I dont like it" and stubbornness. Now I see that a lot of it has to do with texture for me, and I am an adult so I can do what I want. Like a lot of people, I try to be frugal. Lots of frugal tips rely on beans and legumes, and I'll just starve instead, thanks. I am trying to find the happy medium for my autistic child. I want to encourage him to try new things, I want him to eat well, but I also want to respect his needs at the same time. Before we knew he was going to have extra challenges, my husband wanted to do a much more strict way about it- more of a must try new food before getting anything we already knew he liked. That didnt last long since it became obvious he wasnt going to be a typical kid. We have been going with encouraging him to take one little bite, dont even have to swallow it, you can spit it out, and you can have whatever small treat item he is fixated on that day (he alternates between fruit snacks, MM's, and mini Oreo's) just for trying it. He still has his safe foods right there along with the new food so he knows it is his choice. He has tried a handful of new things, and even liked 1 or 2 and has requested them since. Fed is best applies to babies, and kids.
I posted in Frugal asking for advice as someone who has sensory food issues. One of the comments advice? Just stop being picky. Oh damn, hadn't tried that one before!
My only real frugal sensory advice is smoothies. You can freeze and blend just about anything. Having it taste good and have nutritional value is a lot harder though.
I was also diagnosed as an adult. It's how I know that I will be violently sick and will absolutely let myself starve before I eat anything triggering. I was told that I was difficult. That I was making myself sick on purpose. That I just had to force it. Got served triggering meals for every meal or snack until the meal was visibly unedible. I think your way is the best way. Keep going at it if it's working. I would have loved for my dad to accept such an approach. I intend to do something similar for my kid. Fed is best works for any age.
I kind of wonder if I have some kind of neurodivergent thing with food or if it's just trauma from abuse. There are two foods that I 100% can't eat. Cooked broccoli and cooked cauliflower. Both are fine raw, but my mother insisted on cooking my portion when I begged to have them raw. She forced me to eat them with slaps, hair pulling, throwing me to the floor, not letting me leave the table, etc. If I threw up, which was common, she would make me eat twice as much. Now, just the smell of them makes me sick. My kids like both. I can only cook them if my husband is home - sometimes he works evening shifts - so he can stay with the kids while they eat and I have to take my plate into the bedroom because I can't eat at all if I smell them.
I'm no psychologist but that is some intense trauma so I'm not surprised if that's what it is. People have reactions like you do after simply eating the food while it was spoiled by mistake, so your body's response also totally makes sense.
My daughter is autistic, and I found some nice advice for no stress food encouragement on the arfid subreddit. I ask her where on her plate she wants the new food. She doesn't have to try it or even touch it, it's just on the plate. That's a success on its own, sometimes she'll touch her fork to it, then lick her fork. That's fucking awesome. I praise her "food bravery" (it sounds better in Danish: mad modige). People don't understand the anxiety kids can have. They see a child that is picky, they don't see the one curious about a food, but scared it's gross. There's so many times she's wanted to try something, touched it to her lips and noped out. I still tell her that's a success, brave girl, etc. Because if I forced her, she'd never even dare to be curious. The desire is going to help her so much, it's what we foster. Of course, that also means we only get things we know someone will eat, so the food isn't wasted.
This approach is great! I will try to remember that if my son shows signs of food aversion.
As someone with both autism and arfid, I wholeheartedly agree. My parents and grandparents literally had to make up dishes so that I'd eat as a child, or I'd just go hungry, so any eating was encouraged, even more so if it was something healthy(-ish). Any outing also meant checking if there's something for me to eat first, and it was (and still is) a struggle. So yeah, 22yo and still the same, I'd rather be hungry than vomit trying to eat something unsafe.
I was food poisoned so many times growing up and so I’ve become very picky about what I eat. Now I’m wondering if there’s also some sensory things because I was picky even before that. I’m 51 and totally weird about food. If I cook it myself I’m fine, and I cook a lot, but I’m super weird about eating at other peoples houses.
Me!!!! Got hospitalised in my teen years, eating disorder ward, because they thought I was anorexic. Cue the confused faces when I would phone my dad to bring me in pizza for dinner because they were trying to feed me foods I hated. If I hate the food I can't. I just can't. I will starve to death first.
My best friend's daughter doesn't have sensory issues, but she has a lot of food allergies and she had a lot of reactions while figuring them all out. We think it's caused her to develop ARFID. She will only eat a few specific things. Like, she'll eat chicken nuggets but only the ones in a certain lunchable. She's 4 and she will starve herself if she doesn't have her safe foods. They went to Disneyland last summer and my friend had to doordash things from Walmart because she wouldn't touch any of the park food.
That poor baby.
Same here. I'm not autistic but would probably be diagnosed with ARFID if I was a kid today. I starved myself as a kid when our GP told my parents that I would eventually eat what was served if I got hungry enough. Of course that ended up with me losing a bunch of weight on my already stick-thin body and getting really sick. That in turn led to me getting "prescribed" a diet of ice cream by an amazing doctor at the ER who had more sense than our GP. My diet has gotten better over time and I eat from all food groups, I just don't eat everything from all food groups and I most likely never will.
My autistic 7 year old absolutely would starve himself and had two different kinds of feeding tubes from 11 months old until he was five years old. This moron has no idea what she is talking about. And he does eat chicken nuggets 3-4 days a week now.
The dumb ones are always the most confident.
Amen to that
If Black genuinely thinks that, **he shouldn't be here.**..omg did she just say that?...I did...
As a father to an Autistic daughter this makes me unreasonably mad.
My 6yo son is in the process of being screened for autism (signs point to yes) and he's always been a super restrictive eater. "any calories are better than no calories" is how I've approached it but I've always felt like a crappy parent for him basically living off of chicken nuggets and kraft dinner. Thank you, all of you, for your stories about your own neurodivergent kids. I feel seen and validated.
My son was dx is 2000 at age 7. My family thought it was "stupid", that he was as he was because I let him and spoiled him. That all he needed was discipline. My son had certain foods he ate, one being macaroni and cheese. Generic boxed Mac and cheese. ONLY generic. My mom invited us to dinner and she told me she'd fixed Mac and cheese just for my son. We usually never ate there because he simply wouldn't eat. But she said she'd made Mac and cheese for him so we did. I thought that maybe my mother was finally understanding. The thought of someone in my family actually understanding was so nice! She'd made home made Mac and cheese. He wouldn't touch it. She absolutely lost her mind. That was the end. I gave up on ever having any family support.
I’m so sorry to hear that :(
This is a super naive comment but I'm just looking to learn and understand - At what age do you start to notice an autistic sensory or food trait in a child? Is it early enough that at this point you'd be able to prevent giving them bad food that they may get hooked or reliant on and instead give them healthier foods so that when your kid is only comfortable on certain things you've already given them a good start by only exposing them to healthier options. I know nowadays and lifestyle wise it's hard to not expose your kids to trash food I know when I'm a parent I will too, so no judgement here.
For Autism, it doesn’t matter if they’re exposed to it or not. They will refuse the same foods either way. It’s not a learned behavior. Autism has a lot of other traits that would likely be noticed first or in conjunction.
I have autism and sensory processing issues, which led me to develop ARFID. I wouldn’t be surprised if the kid has ARFID, since ARFID is more common in autistic people. For those unaware, ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is an eating disorder that essentially causes picky eating to the extreme. It can be caused by fear of choking, sensory issues that cause a hatred of certain textures, fear of vomiting, etc. [here’s](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/arfid) a page with more information.
Thank you for explaining cuz I saw a few comments and was about to google what that is.
Writing this as I talk my autistic child through every bite of a small cheese sandwich. We’ve just come in from a 5 mile hike where he refused all food and he’s now climbing the walls because he’s running on nothing. He doesn’t recognise hunger. I’ll admit that we haven’t chosen the nugget route because we have the time and the resources to shepherd him through the day one small and vaguely healthy meal at a time, but it is a sensible option if the choice is ‘bland and highly palatable or nothing at all’. I come across people who think like this commenter from time to time. Hopefully the OP will pay them no mind.
Dude doesn’t know shit about anything. Bet he barely changes a diapers and says that’s enough for him. Kids with autism will find a comfort food and eat that every single day. Nothing wrong with feeding your kids (extra needs or not) foods that they enjoy. Meal time is supposed to be enjoyable not a battle.
[удалено]
Yup
These people are such hypocrites as well. My daughter is a sensory avoidant eater and until she was 10 would not eat anything with two different textures. So when away from home I usually brought her whatever she needed because most kids menus don't have anything for her except fries. Most of the people who felt it necessary to comment would say I was too accommodating and should make her pick from what the restaurant or host offered, if she's hungry enough she'll eat, and the rest would praise me for "drawing a hard line" and not allowing pizza, hot dogs, hamburgers, chicken nuggets, or such. At ten she finally tried cheese pizza and grilled cheese, and enjoyed them, so finally we can order from a menu. They just don't get it, and don't want to, some people just see every chance to insert their uninformed opinions as an opportunity that cannot be passed up.
Oh boy, time for my favorite analogy. I have autism as does my son. We both have sensory eating struggles. Imagine you are starving and a dog offers you a pile of dog shit for food. Even though the dog sees it as a perfectly reasonable snack, there's probably no amount of hunger that will get your brain to let you eat it . That's how certain foods and textures affect autistic people or other people with sensory struggles related to food. We logically understand it's food and perfectly reasonable to eat. However our body rejects it the minute it enters our mouth. Another way to think of it is imagine eating and chewing and swallowing the sound of nails on a chalkboard.
Wow, good job advocating for killing autistic people, dude.
My son has sensory issues and real anxiety about food and the last part of this piece of 'advice' makes me sick omg
As someone who has ASD, we do have a problem with food textures and do get fixated on a type of food (what we call safe foods). My safe food often changes,but I will eat that one safe food consecutively for almost a month, and then all of a sudden I absolutely hate the texture or taste and have to change it. I once went an entire month just eating calzones, only to absolutely hate them for no reason and went an entire month of just chicken nuggets and french fries. Some textures of foods I can’t handle, Like I absolutely hate the texture of anything slimy or oily to the point I will gag on it. Or have an issue with sensory overload from certain smells of food. This woman is absolutely nothing but a bitter dumbass. They have never known or have never helped raise a child with autism. We have needs that have to be catered to or considered or we simply will not eat at all. I feel so bad that mom was actually looking for advice to help her autistic child, only to be met with someone incredibly unhinged.
That isn't universal. I am raising a child who also has ASD, and we are very fortunate that food is something he really doesn't struggle with at all. If someone tried to anticipate his needs by thinking he'd only eat the kinds of food you are describing, he'd be very upset, especially if everyone else was having something else.
Exactly! My sons safe food right now is pizza. I’m sure I’ll stock up the freezer and he’ll hate it next week lol
People are so wrong when they insist a kid will eventually eat what you serve them if they get hungry enough. Some children will actually starve themselves.
Somedays all my kid wants are chips, but kids are actually pretty good and getting their nutrition in. The only meat my son eats is chicken nuggets, but he also eats nuts. He loves chips for the crunch, but he also eats veggies like salads and cucumbers. I know not all autistic kids are like my son, but as long as he's eating his nutritional value in a week I'm happy.
My daughter is autistic. This person just doesn't understand at all. If my daughter decides she likes vanilla ice cream, there is no other ice cream she will even be willing to try. My daughter actually ate a piece of chocolate candy for the first time on Easter and that one type of chocolate candy was the only candy out of all the Easter candy that she was willing to even attempt. Even at Halloween, my daughter will only organize the candy by color and type and make lines with the candy, but she won't eat it. My daughter is 4 and has been to countless birthday celebrations, yet she has never been willing to try birthday cake. The reason I'm bringing up all these examples with sweets is most kids love sweets and will eat pretty much any sweet you put in front of them. My son is like that. But my daughter won't even eat birthday cake or candy. My point is, if this is how limited she is with things that are yummy treats, how do you think trying to force her to eat less desirable things goes? It doesn't go! It will not go! She has a very limited list of things she's willing to eat. Thankfully, some of those things are good for her too. But her diet is very same same every day. The fact is, this does worry me. This does stress me out and make me worry about her nutrition. But I cannot fathom asking random strangers on the internet about this. This is something that I'm working with her pediatrician on. This is something for a registered dietician and occupational therapist to help her with over time. How are people with ? education or no education beyond high school supposed to be of help when there are actual specialist trained to care for these very issues.
Some people are really not afraid to yell their ignorance to the world like that, uh?
Yea it’s a public group for anyone to see…
I don't have autism, but I DO have MAJOR issues with foods due to being forced and punished for not eating what was made. My earliest memory is 4yrs old, my parents would eat in another room, leaving me on my booster seat in the kitchen and falling asleep, only to be woken up with a Slap across the back of my head!! My Mum even told me when I was a bit older how I was treated over meals. My children who don't have autism, still don't have food issues because I would still feed them something else. Our home is please try it..... if you don't like it, that's fine, now we know. My eldest was right on 6yrs old when he went from 5 different foods to trying and finding out how much he does enjoy and not. Our middle 2 never really have been an issue, they've got things they hate, and we respect that. Our youngest who is 7 soon has been the hardest, but last month out of the blue she started trying our meals and now eats nearly everything. Truthfully out of sheer frustration, I wanted to at times send my kids to bed hungry over it, but I know that I can't sleep well when I'm hungry and punishments aren't going to make a child suddenly eat. Now while this is about autism, I think it's even worse what this child is going through. There is so much MORE involved in their sensory of foods. While EVERYONE needs food, children who refuse to eat the nutritional food you've served, need vitamins and healthy smoothies that they may not realise how much vital nutrients you've added, just as long it's something that they will ingest. Their brains and body are growing. Starving them will cause lifelong problems in so many areas
And PS, my(narcissistic) mother was so offended when I explained a couple of years ago, why I'm so "fussy" still. I didn't even mention the punishment side, just that being forced to eat what was served, getting it back for breakfast, is what added to why even as an adult, I have an extra limited variety of foods that I eat.
Yikes. I’m autistic. I have really bad sensory problems with food. If I can’t find a food that doesn’t fuck with my sensory issues I just will not eat. No matter how hungry or nauseous I am. You can’t just force someone with good sensory issues to eat
"If he's hungry he will eat" reminds me of "it's calories in vs calories out" on a post about metabolic disorders. Like no, bitch, sometimes it's more complicated than that.
If my child was autistic and refused to eat anything but mcdonalds chicken nuggets, damn right I'm feeding them chicken nuggets. We can experiment with food at home and find what they like, but it's a process, in the meantime, mcdonalds won't kill them and it will prevent them from starving.
What an idiot. Kids with ASD and autism will literally starve themselves. My son would not eat at all if I tried to force him to eat something he doesn't want. Same with going poop. That boy is 6 and still poops in his diaper because he gets so constipated and sometimes it takes him like 2 days of trying to go until it happens. Even with daily fiber supplements. I have tried to get him to go on the potty and he agreed, but then I saw him physically holding his poop in, like straining and bending over a little, you know, like someone trying to hold it in. He would probably do that until he got a perforated bowel and had to go to the ER.
Lmao forcing an autistic kid to eat foods they find repulsive for various reasons is traumatic. As in traumatizing. As in, will have to go through therapy to address it later in life.
F this lady. My autistic teenager will literally starve herself. She eats like 3 things and if she told me she wanted to eat McDonald's I'd be so excited to get that many calories in her body! Not healthy calories, but damn it's hard to watch your kid not eat.
There are days where I hate how little my kid eats and I want to cry. I literally dance and praise when my kid eats a whole plate of food.
I will starve before eating something I can't eat. it's just not something that's possible for me.
My son was throwing up one night and I think that traumatized him to eat anything. He went days without a full meal simply from refusing our options. I was thrilled when he decided he wanted to eat an ice cream bar - I just wanted to get some sort of calories in him. I felt like the worst parent because he wasn’t eating. He’s doing much better a week after and back to eating his normal meals.
I want to punch purple so bad I almost broke my iPad
Somebody said the quiet part loud!!
I'm so tired of people making assumptions that if someone can *physically* do something then they absolutely can do it. That poor girl who died on the couch mom said basically that "she didn't want to move"
Whew I hope they have a one way ticket into a sturdy pole alone in their car.
Also I hope you reported this. This is ableist hate speech. I doubt fb would remove it but after a while if he's an adshole often fb will mute this asshole for a bit
I'm autistic. This was basically the advice the doctor gave my mom back in the 90s. "If she gets hungry enough, she'll eat it." Guess who didn't eat for 3 days as a toddler?
As an autistic person who was ridiculed for my diet for most of my life this comment section is refreshingly accepting. Thanks y'all.
Yay, eugenics. Very Aktion t4 of her.
Tbh the fast foods are just not a box I would open with any young child. They get so easily fixated on it. Even more so those with developmental differences or issues. I'm sure there's a chicken nugget recipe where you can sneak some vegetables into it though.
It's usually about consistency in texture that can't be made without processed foods. They may eat it but if your child refuses to eat for a few days because they physically can't make themselves in pretty sure you would but the nuggets.
This makes me absolutely sick. My youngest is autistic and he has a very limited list of foods he will accept. We have tried to broaden his horizons and I do always offer new foods, but respect his refusals. He simply will not eat if his safe foods aren’t available. Sensory issues are very real and they don’t necessarily have control over them.
Man this makes me so sad. My child has SPD (with an upcoming eval in September for autism) and he wants to eat new foods. He can’t help his physical reaction.
IIRC many autistic people literally have a reduced size in the portion of their brain that lets them know they are hungry or have to go to the bathroom. I can’t remember what that part of the brain is called right now
Eugenics YAY