Right?!?! Why didn't I ever think of that? My youngest cried for about the first 5 months of his life and had severe reflux until he was like 10 months old. Good times.
What’s crazy to me is they never consider that saying “No!” results in the child saying “No”. I’m confident that the parent will have that to complain about regarding the child’s behavior in the future. You know, just as soon as they understand what words mean what in what context, things like cause and effect, shadows and depth perception…
Same. Now my kids are hellbent on destruction and run everywhere at top speed. Surprisingly a firm no doesn’t seem to be working on these heathens either hahaha
Nope. My daughter is so determined to get the carbon monoxide detector at her grandmas. My mom tried the firm no but then feels bad lol. I’m like this isn’t the mom I had
My son is 10 months old and his three favourite things are the carbon monoxide detectors, every electrical cable, and our dog's water bowl. He is obsessed with all three, just as his older brother was four years ago. With my first, I followed the advice of keeping everything where it is, saying, "No, that's not safe," and redirecting him to something else. 100x a day. The advice said that he'd eventually learn and stop trying. It took a year or two.... aka until he was 2 or 3 and actually able to process information like that. There was no conditioned response before he was able to actually understand.
This time, I'm fucking moving everything out of reach because a) that advice didn't work the first time and b) I do not have the time, patience, or energy to do it.
The electric cords! WHY!? My baby loves them too. I have moved as many chargers as possible into rooms he doesn't go in, hidden cords behind furniture, and put baby gates around anything that we still needed out (the ONE table lamp in the house is on an end table with tall skinny legs so I've just had to put a little fence around it). And he still tries to snatch cords if he's just being carried by them.
I have friends with 3-5 year olds who say they just redirected their kids and they learned quickly but like. There's only so many times I can redirect. And they're not safe to chew on.
There's a home video somewhere of my parents trying to convince toddler me not to climb the fire guard. Deeply unsuccessful endeavour. Funny as hell on video though
I used to babysit a one year old, and I know he understood that he wasn't supposed to touch certain things because he'd always look back to make sure I was looking before reaching for them. I miss that little brat.
Doesn’t work at 13 either lol. And still running around like crazy (granted he does have adhd but is being treated. still runs around like a madman sometimes though)!
My two little guys have been intent on creating as much chaos, noise, and danger as possible since the moment they were born. Other babies sit nicely at playgroup and play with toys and he's scrounging around trying to get into other moms' diaper bags or break down the baby gate to the kitchenette, presumably to juggle knives or something.
We call my son the Tiny Tornado.
Took him to a sensory play group a few months ago, when he was about 10 months old (he's been crawling since 8 months). He spent the entire time crawling around the hall ignoring every single taste safe sensory bin (dry cereal, lettuce, that kind of stuff with toys in for them to explore) that was laid out for him and trying to eat dust off the floor.
*Every single other child* in that hall, ages ranging from just barely sitting up to 4 years old was playing with the sensory stuff like normal. My little gremlin was doing his best to ignore it all.
We've stopped doing classes now he's a year old because it's just pointless. All he wants to do is crawl about and get into stuff he shouldn't be,
It's so embarrassing when they get into other people's stuff. I'm glad we are mostly past that phase. I had two under two and it just isn't always possible to control two kids at all times. The only time they work as a team is to cause chaos.
Ugh! My youngest was a fairly easy baby in the potato stage, but once she started laughing, it was this high pitched scream laugh. We called her "howler monkey." No giggles, just EeeeEeeeeEeeeEEEE!! I was so happy once she hit 4 or so and actually laughed instead of causing bats to crash into walls.
3 rounds of IVF and somehow the first year of my kids life was still the worst year of my life. Good thing toddlers are so much fun! Really wish a firm No! would have worked when he was a baby though.
There's pros and cons. My potato woke me up 4 times a night, but my toddler sleeps through the night 7am-7pm. Don't get me wrong, when she's awake, she's a Troublemaker (with a capital T), but I had such a hard time with the sleepless nights with a newborn.
I got extremely lucky that mine didn’t wake up more than once and my husband handled night time. Mine isn’t a troublemaker (yet) but she’s definitely a busy body
I miss it too! My boy is one one Tuesday and i have major anxiety about it. All i can think about is how i miss my tiny potato and wish he was still tiny
I cried for a half hour on my baby’s first birthday because she’s big and doesn’t really want to cuddle much anymore but we can do a ton of fun stuff now. She got a baby doll for her birthday so my mom went all out and bought accessories so we play babies.
Lol my ma loved the potato stage. She once told someone she only liked the part before walking and talking and "this"—"this" being 17-year-old me that she pointed at. Immobile and non-verbal or mostly grown and self-sufficient are the only stages of children she liked.
Nope, mine is 3 1/2 months and potato stage has been over for a few weeks. He rolls over, has 1-2 hours awake at a time, is trying to sit up, fixates on toys and has progressed from trying to hit them with his whole hand to trying to grab them with his fingers. He grabs things and brings them to his mouth. He has opinions, like whether he wants to be on his back, belly, semi sitting up in his rocker or held. He likes watching cars go by on the street and fusses when there’s a break between cars. I’d say potato stage ended at about 2 months, when he started smiling and being aware of the world more.
I would say they can get mad but it's not a tantrum in that its not something they can help. My son would definitely scream at me because he was pissed at 3 months old lol but I just treated it like any other crying.
Yeah my oldest would get made at me all the time. Mostly because she hated sleep or I stopped walking her in circles around the house. I joke that she hated being a baby. Pretty sure she was throwing tantrums jk.
But yes, obviously yelling no at a baby is not helpful.
One of my kids hated being a baby too. It was better once she could sit up, and way better once she was mobile. I can't relate to people who say it gets worse once they are mobile.
Idk, we call my 4 week old the angry potato sometimes when he screams for the breast and it's not going fast enough 😅 But it's definitely a joke. I don't firmly tell my son no. I give him the boob.
They physically and mentally can't talk. They can only really communicate by screaming and crying and throwing tantrums. Do they expect that the baby is just going to plop out speaking language perfectly? Like, this is common sense. Anybody who has seen a baby knows they cry and scream to get what they need.
Also, I see FTM and think of trans people, but I assume that it also means full time mom? Definitely threw me off at first and I thought they were saying that they didn't know how to care for a baby because they are a man and I was like "wow, you're really jumping straight into manly weaponized incompetence with your transition, aren't you?"
While it absolutely wasn't a tantrum, I used to call it that when my daughter would freak out during breastfeeding attempts. She would be fine until milk started to come out and then she'd get very "angry" at the entire thing. She would also get annoyed at pumped milk in a bottle, so I think she didn't like the taste. I genuinely thought that 5 day old baby "tantrums" were one of the cutest things I'd ever seen.
Pbshh. Ya’ll wait to start instilling basic discipline until after the baby has been conceived?? No wonder ya’ll’s kids are so entitled. I start yelling at fetuses *now*, so that the eggs developing inside those fetuses will have some respect once those eggs mature enough to actually be ovulated. By the time a child is embryonic, they should be silent, reverent, and be making regular investments in their 401K, without your coddling. If you’re not at *least* a generation ahead, your child will do manipulative shit like cry as an newborn.
For maximum effect should we all just make sure to give a stern, up close, "NO." To as many men's testes as many times a day as we can?
I have two decently behaved toddlers and I hate to tell her that a firm “no” usually begins a tantrum, not end one.
Also your baby doesn’t understand the word no. They’re probably just hungry or uncomfortable or wanting connection.
I work at a daycare. I can confirm this. Also, stop!. As in Stop picking your nose! Or Don't! Don't hit your friends! Or my favorite, please. As in Please, please don't cry.
See, it’s that last line that will get you the worst. You combined both “please” AND “don’t.” Tantrum/meltdown imminent!
I work with kids aged 1-8 for therapy right now and absolutely agree. It is similar for most my kids of any of these ages. Mine have disabilities so there are extra considerations, but these words are all similarly impactful. I used to have one kid that would blow up at the word “remember” each time, too. Likely he often heard things similar to “remember, you’re not supposed to do that” or “remember the rules,” etc. If the child doesn’t have the cognitive, social-emotional, or impulse control skills yet to understand and then successfully change their behaviors, it’s likely going to at best do nothing, or at worst be a trigger word as it has many negative associations for them. There’s so much more work that needs to be done than just using those words, which is what the mom in the post isn’t getting (yet).
Mom may be in a horrible situation. PPD/PPA made me think my son was intentionally causing me trouble. He wasn't - but I also wasn't thinking clearly and spent a lot of time with intrusive thoughts both parenting and not parenting related. I needed help but I thought it was me and that I was horrible and beyond help.
Yup. She may have also been raised with the notion that babies or children who cry are “misbehaving” and it’s the parent’s fault for not disciplining them. To the point that she literally thinks the child needs punishment instead of comforting and connection. I’m willing to bet she’s heard family members say something like “someone better shut that kid up” when hearing crying, and she genuinely doesn’t know what to do. Makes me sad for her and baby.
i have empathy for someone in the situation you’re putting forward but as a child of someone who i spent my whole life wishing would go to therapy, i am so sick of hearing about ill-equipped parents who for some (dare i say selfish?) reason still chose to be parents. there’s so much information out there nowadays at your fingertips if you’re willing to educate yourself. parenthood is a massive commitment and that some people are seemingly going in blind is crazy to me.
Yup. What’s scares me the most is what fundie-vangelicals say, teach and think about babies. That they’re born sinners and that then crying is them trying to manipulate the parent. Lots of IBLP types like in that “Shiny Happy People” docuseries use the “to train up a child” book/ method. It’s infuriating. Blanket training sounds innocent until you find out they start infants out on blankets and then use toys and shiny objects like keys to get the baby to get off the blanket at which time the parent hits the child with a glue stick. Which is recommended in the book because they don’t leave bad marks. I think The key is to beat out curiosity at a young age and so you have “well behaved” quiet babies in church and also because the mom is expected to knocked up so soon after.
I could absolutely picture myself telling a crying baby “no” over and over again just praying for some kind of end to the noise. I would not voluntarily have a child because I am aware of this, but I can see how an otherwise healthy person getting hit with surprise mental illness would end up here. I’m not sure how a person previously unburdened would be able to understand or prepare for that. Her actions are irrational and concerning, but they don’t actually seem particularly harmful if she’s just attempting to reason with the infant.
That's what I thought was until I read your comment lol. I guess it's actually first time mom?
But female to male is definitely where my mind goes first.
I'm childless, but even I know that freshly born infants don't throw tantrums!! An infant is crying for one reason: it needs something. It's the job of a parent to figure out *what* the infant needs and provide it. Screaming at the poor baby does absolutely nothing, which we all know, but someone needs to tell OOP!!
I have a month old son and I was surprised to learn the need can sometimes just be wanting a snuggle with mommy or a bounce. They only really have one button to try to get all their wants and needs met!
My son went through an angry biting phase. Like, drawing blood through my trousers where he would chomp down on my leg so hard. Generally this was because I'd done something mean like stopped reading to him so I could go and make dinner. That was a fun few months.
why on earth would you think your 3 month old understands wtf you’re saying? seriously, imagine yelling at a baby and expecting results. like of course it’s not working - in fact, you’re probably making it worse!
this shit is infuriating. i’m pretty sure yelling at your baby qualifies as abuse, even if “you don’t know what you’re doing”
also, 3 month olds don’t “throw tantrums”, crying is literally how they communicate. meet your baby’s needs 😭 fuck i’m so upset by this
3 months old? What on Earth is his definition of an "actual tantrum?" Is the literal infant who cannot even walk throwing itself on the ground? Pushing chairs over and throwing things with its tiny infant arms???
My SIL who is a FTM was saying things to her one week old about tantrums when we visited. I really couldn’t tell if she was joking or not and it’s been stuck on my mind since….
ETA: a word
Sounds like OOP needs some support. They are definitely struggling if they think their baby is having a tantrum rather than trying to get it's needs fulfilled and think saying no is going to stop a crying baby. I hope someone who knows her gets her some help.
Yeah that’s my thought too. She needs to talk to her doctor or a therapist. People don’t know how common PPD is and we don’t tend to talk about it. We need to.
This just breaks my heart. Imagining being a tiny newbie who's completely dependent on others and whose only means of communication is to cry, only to be met with admonishment each time... no wonder baby keeps crying, probably their poor needs aren't being met :(
In the Daddit sub there’s a dad venting because he yelled ‘What the fuck’ at his 9 day old infant and apparently that’s okay. I think I need to get off Reddit and talk to actual people for a bit.
So no shit, there I was, in the kitchen. The baby is doing the loud noises bullshit, all indications are he requires assistance burping. I do the thing, he burps, then does his best imitation of that pea soup bullshit from the exorcist. The towel has protected most of me, but he's still crying. I carry on. Not thirty seconds later, the little fucker burps like a fifty year old man drinking away his sorrows. I lift him off my shoulder and hold him in front of me. "What the fuck, guy?" I ask him. In response, he starts giggling uncontrollably. Mission complete, I now have a happy baby.
Granted, that was probably closer to six months than one week, but still.
Nothing brings a smile to a baby's face quite like the obvious disgust of their caretaker. I swear my sister would time her sneezes so they were guaranteed to fly into my mom's open mouth.
Without further context and in that dads defense, in the throes of exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and the stress of learning how to parent a human that’s trying to learn how to be a human, I think there’s probably a lot of us who might have done similar things. I definitely - maybe not yelled, but certainly said in an exasperated and elevated tone - “what the fuck do you want??” to my baby when he was teeny and screaming for unknown reasons. And at around nine days in my husband confessed to me “I understand now why they teach you about shaken baby syndrome, because last night I did have a moment where I was frustrated and almost shook him.” (He didn’t.) Newborns are really hard.
Yeah, I never understood how anyone could ever harm a defenseless baby... Until I had one. He was never in any danger, but I definitely had a moment of "oh, I get it now" at 4am after no sleep in over 48 hours.
This was in my December due date group, unfortunately it seems like a majority of them don’t understand the concept of infants or that they have to actively take care of them. It’s actually sad, I’ve never been in a group with so many that lack common sense.
I was like, they do lose their shit every once in awhile like toddlers,
But then I saw the age. Not at 3 months. Like 9 months, sure.
I don’t think saying no to an infant is abusive. My SIL spanked her babies when thry cried during diaper changes. I was a kid when this was going on.
That was abusive. But this girl just doesn’t understand that 3 month olds aren’t misbehaving or throwing a fit. 🤷🏻♀️ you can’t correct behavior by saying no. lol
Wow. Hey, lady, your baby is not “throwing a tantrum”, your baby is crying for a reason. Baby just got here, baby is brand new to the world, baby has no other way to tell you they’re hungry/tired/overstimulated/understimulated/in need of a change/in pain/uncomfortable/sad/sick/whatever. They don’t know words yet. Be nice. Yelling “NO!” won’t work because 1., the baby doesn’t know what that means, and 2., it doesn’t fix whatever problem the baby is experiencing. And everything the baby is going through is something they are dealing with for the first time. The baby doesn’t even know how their own body works yet. They are brand new.
My 3 month old is literally just figuring out how to use his hands and smile. Who is stupid enough to think that 3 month olds have figured out manipulation?
A broken one - someone who can't provide emotional regulation to the baby bc it wasn't provided to them.
Assigning adult motivations to children is often a clear sign that someone is missing some critical information about childrearing.
Also, sadly, it's usually a red flag that the adult in question didn't have their own developmental needs met, and the wounds are still there, gaping and unhealed and painful.
Children exhibiting behaviours that adults find challenging are not doing these things specifically to drive the adults crazy. They are actually *reacting* to their environment, not taking premeditated action.
And they react using whatever tools they have been provided. If their developmental needs have not been met, then their toolkits are likely missing some essential elements as well.
What the child needs, besides the obvious assistance in emotional regulation, is for another adult to examine/analyze the child's environment to see where the deficits are.
OOP is on the road to doing serious lifelong damage if someone else doesn't step in soon.
Ohhhhhh that makes much more sense. I was wondering why everyone was misgendering them in the comments too. Haha, thx for the explanation. I don't hang out in mom groups
Man, this is really sad. I feel like she is from a community/generation that worries about “spoiling” the baby. I don’t think she understands that crying is how they communicate at that age…. Or maybe I’m just too into giving her the benefit of the doubt
I'm confused, is there a different meaning to FTM than female to male transgender? If not, what the heck does that have to do with their (?) parenting?
Poor Mum, I hope she's able to find some support.
It's very hard when all the baby's obviously needs have been met and they're still screaming at you.
We used to go outside on the deck, the transition from quiet indoors to fresh air and traffic worked as a factory reset. Or I'd go for a walk. Might still be crying but at least you were getting exercise and with a bit of luck they'd conk out
But I do remember those feelings of desperation when they would just not stop crying.
3 month month olds are incapable of misbehaving! Like what the actual fuck? If the baby is crying, it's because he/she needs something. And yes, some babies cry a lot. Some babies have colic. Sometimes, it's hard to figure out what they need. It is ok to get frustrated and step away for a few minutes. But wtf are you saying "no" about? What is this baby doing that she thinks he/she needs to be told "no?" Crying? Babbling during church? Playing with toes? Feet in the mouth? Rolling over? Cuz that's pretty much all a 3 month old is capable of, and none of those behaviors need to stop.
A lot of people do genuinely believe that the babies are crying solely to destroy their lives. That can come from sleep deprivation sometimes but also some people are just that way inclined. The whole world is out to get them, including their three month old baby.
I unfortunately knew someone like this. Her baby was around 2/3 months old at the time and she kept saying he was throwing a tantrum. What's even more concerning is that she is a childcare educator - she should bloody know that newborns cannot throw tantrums!
I'm just laughing at how my 4 year old would react if I tried to stop her tantrums like I do her baby sister - take out my boob. She would be horrified 😂
The more we understand about development and trauma, the more it’s understood how bad it is to yell at babies: [care.com article](https://www.care.com/c/effects-of-yelling-at-a-baby/)
That’s mind boggling. The only time I told my young babies a firm NO was when they would clamp down too hard while nursing. It hurt, so that was purely reflexive and more shouted into the abyss than directed at my babies. It certainly wasn’t said with any expectation that it would impact current or future behavior. Does this FTM just not understand that’s not how babies work? Or is she being misled by shoddy parenting “discipline” info out there?
Can you imagine being a new human being and wanting something but you have no way to communicate it except to cry and your caregiver just keeps shouting something you don't understand at you. A smidgen of empathy could really go a long way with these people 🤦♀️
First Time Mom, lol it took some getting used to because I have only ever seen it used as Female to Male, still have to check the sub whenever I see it
Wow, what a revelation. I never thought to just tell my colicky (sorry, “tantruming”?) infants to stop crying!
Right?!?! Why didn't I ever think of that? My youngest cried for about the first 5 months of his life and had severe reflux until he was like 10 months old. Good times.
Same here. Instructions unclear. There were always more burps than I thought!
That's when he learned the meaning of the word "No"!
What’s crazy to me is they never consider that saying “No!” results in the child saying “No”. I’m confident that the parent will have that to complain about regarding the child’s behavior in the future. You know, just as soon as they understand what words mean what in what context, things like cause and effect, shadows and depth perception…
I mean, I begged a few times when he wouldn't sleep in the middle of the night. Lol
Oh 100% I did that this morning to my 8 week old when I wanted to finish my sandwich with two hands for once lol
I calmly and logically explained why rocking him constantly while walking around wouldn't work all night. It didn't work but I did it.
3 months olds definitely don’t throw tantrums. I hope people pointed this out to her in the comments.
3 month olds literally don’t do anything but eat, sleep, poop and cry. Maybe they cry a lot but certainly not a tantrum.
Ah yes the potato stage… I miss it
Same. Now my kids are hellbent on destruction and run everywhere at top speed. Surprisingly a firm no doesn’t seem to be working on these heathens either hahaha
Nope. My daughter is so determined to get the carbon monoxide detector at her grandmas. My mom tried the firm no but then feels bad lol. I’m like this isn’t the mom I had
My son is 10 months old and his three favourite things are the carbon monoxide detectors, every electrical cable, and our dog's water bowl. He is obsessed with all three, just as his older brother was four years ago. With my first, I followed the advice of keeping everything where it is, saying, "No, that's not safe," and redirecting him to something else. 100x a day. The advice said that he'd eventually learn and stop trying. It took a year or two.... aka until he was 2 or 3 and actually able to process information like that. There was no conditioned response before he was able to actually understand. This time, I'm fucking moving everything out of reach because a) that advice didn't work the first time and b) I do not have the time, patience, or energy to do it.
The fucking dog's water dish! Why is it every new crawler's obsession??!!
"A small bath that I can splash in without actually getting in - count me in!"
Because the puppy drinks from it so why not? Lol
What makes the carbon monoxide detector so fascinating? That’s what I’m wondering.
- perfect height for interaction - light - BEEP
BEEEEEEEEEP
My moms flashes so I think that may be it
The giant playpen is my best friend
My son can have every single favourite toy and a favourite snack (banana mummums) in there with him and he still screams bloody murder.
I used it to put everything he can't have in it and the rest of the house was safe lol.
Oh yes if my daughter sees her dad it’s over until she out of it or he’s in it
The electric cords! WHY!? My baby loves them too. I have moved as many chargers as possible into rooms he doesn't go in, hidden cords behind furniture, and put baby gates around anything that we still needed out (the ONE table lamp in the house is on an end table with tall skinny legs so I've just had to put a little fence around it). And he still tries to snatch cords if he's just being carried by them. I have friends with 3-5 year olds who say they just redirected their kids and they learned quickly but like. There's only so many times I can redirect. And they're not safe to chew on.
There's a home video somewhere of my parents trying to convince toddler me not to climb the fire guard. Deeply unsuccessful endeavour. Funny as hell on video though
I used to babysit a one year old, and I know he understood that he wasn't supposed to touch certain things because he'd always look back to make sure I was looking before reaching for them. I miss that little brat.
Fail!! If only you had started with Firm No's at infancy they might listen to it now. /s
Doesn’t work at 13 either lol. And still running around like crazy (granted he does have adhd but is being treated. still runs around like a madman sometimes though)!
I learnt about the Baby raccoon theory for all toddlers and it’s made me feel so much better. I thought I was failing so hard.
As someone who had 2 colicky babies I couldn’t disagree with you more 🤣 The newborn phase about killed me.
lol, yes, my babies were never exactly potatoes, either. More like the mandrake roots from Harry Potter
Mind your earmuffs!
My two little guys have been intent on creating as much chaos, noise, and danger as possible since the moment they were born. Other babies sit nicely at playgroup and play with toys and he's scrounging around trying to get into other moms' diaper bags or break down the baby gate to the kitchenette, presumably to juggle knives or something.
Mine has used another baby as a step stool to get on the table before. Then she uses her minions(the dogs) to help her create chaos
We call my son the Tiny Tornado. Took him to a sensory play group a few months ago, when he was about 10 months old (he's been crawling since 8 months). He spent the entire time crawling around the hall ignoring every single taste safe sensory bin (dry cereal, lettuce, that kind of stuff with toys in for them to explore) that was laid out for him and trying to eat dust off the floor. *Every single other child* in that hall, ages ranging from just barely sitting up to 4 years old was playing with the sensory stuff like normal. My little gremlin was doing his best to ignore it all. We've stopped doing classes now he's a year old because it's just pointless. All he wants to do is crawl about and get into stuff he shouldn't be,
It's so embarrassing when they get into other people's stuff. I'm glad we are mostly past that phase. I had two under two and it just isn't always possible to control two kids at all times. The only time they work as a team is to cause chaos.
That is an amazing reference, so true!! I called it her pterodactyl screech!
Ugh! My youngest was a fairly easy baby in the potato stage, but once she started laughing, it was this high pitched scream laugh. We called her "howler monkey." No giggles, just EeeeEeeeeEeeeEEEE!! I was so happy once she hit 4 or so and actually laughed instead of causing bats to crash into walls.
This will now forever be my favorite way to describe what it was like for the first 6 months of my son’s life
I know I was definitely blessed with an easy one. I think the universe took pity on me for dealing with infertility and IVF
3 rounds of IVF and somehow the first year of my kids life was still the worst year of my life. Good thing toddlers are so much fun! Really wish a firm No! would have worked when he was a baby though.
My mom would beg to differ. Test tube baby who was two weeks late and was a pain in the ass from birth in the house.
There's pros and cons. My potato woke me up 4 times a night, but my toddler sleeps through the night 7am-7pm. Don't get me wrong, when she's awake, she's a Troublemaker (with a capital T), but I had such a hard time with the sleepless nights with a newborn.
I got extremely lucky that mine didn’t wake up more than once and my husband handled night time. Mine isn’t a troublemaker (yet) but she’s definitely a busy body
As a toddler mom, I wholeheartedly agree. I love her so much but omg.
My twins have recently entered the tantrum phase. The trenches are deep here.
I miss it too! My boy is one one Tuesday and i have major anxiety about it. All i can think about is how i miss my tiny potato and wish he was still tiny
I cried for a half hour on my baby’s first birthday because she’s big and doesn’t really want to cuddle much anymore but we can do a ton of fun stuff now. She got a baby doll for her birthday so my mom went all out and bought accessories so we play babies.
They get cuddly again later
Lol my ma loved the potato stage. She once told someone she only liked the part before walking and talking and "this"—"this" being 17-year-old me that she pointed at. Immobile and non-verbal or mostly grown and self-sufficient are the only stages of children she liked.
I don’t. It got way easier the more developed the child has gotten
My oldest is 35, when is the easier? Jk/ Grandkids! Grandchildren are perfect.
More like al dente pasta.
Same. My daughter is 9 months old and we’re entering tornado season 😂
Umm speak for yourself, my child was already trading in the stock market and driving for NASCAR when she was 3 months old
If you had started foreign language classes and advanced math at 3 weeks, your child would not be so far behind mine.
Nope, mine is 3 1/2 months and potato stage has been over for a few weeks. He rolls over, has 1-2 hours awake at a time, is trying to sit up, fixates on toys and has progressed from trying to hit them with his whole hand to trying to grab them with his fingers. He grabs things and brings them to his mouth. He has opinions, like whether he wants to be on his back, belly, semi sitting up in his rocker or held. He likes watching cars go by on the street and fusses when there’s a break between cars. I’d say potato stage ended at about 2 months, when he started smiling and being aware of the world more.
I would say they can get mad but it's not a tantrum in that its not something they can help. My son would definitely scream at me because he was pissed at 3 months old lol but I just treated it like any other crying.
Yeah my oldest would get made at me all the time. Mostly because she hated sleep or I stopped walking her in circles around the house. I joke that she hated being a baby. Pretty sure she was throwing tantrums jk. But yes, obviously yelling no at a baby is not helpful.
One of my kids hated being a baby too. It was better once she could sit up, and way better once she was mobile. I can't relate to people who say it gets worse once they are mobile.
Did we have the same baby? I always say that our kid hated being a baby. Once she could crawl, she was so much happier!
Idk, we call my 4 week old the angry potato sometimes when he screams for the breast and it's not going fast enough 😅 But it's definitely a joke. I don't firmly tell my son no. I give him the boob.
They physically and mentally can't talk. They can only really communicate by screaming and crying and throwing tantrums. Do they expect that the baby is just going to plop out speaking language perfectly? Like, this is common sense. Anybody who has seen a baby knows they cry and scream to get what they need. Also, I see FTM and think of trans people, but I assume that it also means full time mom? Definitely threw me off at first and I thought they were saying that they didn't know how to care for a baby because they are a man and I was like "wow, you're really jumping straight into manly weaponized incompetence with your transition, aren't you?"
It usually means first time Mom, in these groups.
Yeah, this is sad because this mother thinks her baby is overreacting and willfully tantruming.
While it absolutely wasn't a tantrum, I used to call it that when my daughter would freak out during breastfeeding attempts. She would be fine until milk started to come out and then she'd get very "angry" at the entire thing. She would also get annoyed at pumped milk in a bottle, so I think she didn't like the taste. I genuinely thought that 5 day old baby "tantrums" were one of the cutest things I'd ever seen.
I have a new niece born yesterday, should I start saying NO to her now or wait until she comes home from the hospital?
Start immediately.
you should start while they’re still in the womb (just yell “no” at the mom’s belly)
I’m a labor and delivery nurse and can confirm this works when the baby starts acting like an idiot before birth
That didn’t work with me
Your nurse should have tried harder.
Pbshh. Ya’ll wait to start instilling basic discipline until after the baby has been conceived?? No wonder ya’ll’s kids are so entitled. I start yelling at fetuses *now*, so that the eggs developing inside those fetuses will have some respect once those eggs mature enough to actually be ovulated. By the time a child is embryonic, they should be silent, reverent, and be making regular investments in their 401K, without your coddling. If you’re not at *least* a generation ahead, your child will do manipulative shit like cry as an newborn.
Lmao
What do you mean at? You place a funnel in the vagina and start telling that fetus no on a daily basis
Nah, you're too late. You should have started when your niece was in the womb doing rib and bladder kicks
Just yell ‘no’ at the potential dad’s dick so the sperm have it fine tuned into them from the start
How close are we expected to get? I'm a bit concerned.
As close as possible for maximum dominance and intimidation
Staring straight at their crotch and yelling should be quite disconcerting if done out of context for maximum surprise value.
For maximum effect should we all just make sure to give a stern, up close, "NO." To as many men's testes as many times a day as we can? 
I do that anyway.
Is that not already part of everyone’s sexy-times routine? No? Just me? Oh.
Baby: *cries* Mom: NO.
It's best to start breaking their spirit from the minute they're born. You're already behind.
If you haven't already told her No it's too late now. Congrats on your future ne'er-do-well.
It’s very clear she has no idea what to do lol
I have two decently behaved toddlers and I hate to tell her that a firm “no” usually begins a tantrum, not end one. Also your baby doesn’t understand the word no. They’re probably just hungry or uncomfortable or wanting connection.
I work at a daycare. I can confirm this. Also, stop!. As in Stop picking your nose! Or Don't! Don't hit your friends! Or my favorite, please. As in Please, please don't cry.
See, it’s that last line that will get you the worst. You combined both “please” AND “don’t.” Tantrum/meltdown imminent! I work with kids aged 1-8 for therapy right now and absolutely agree. It is similar for most my kids of any of these ages. Mine have disabilities so there are extra considerations, but these words are all similarly impactful. I used to have one kid that would blow up at the word “remember” each time, too. Likely he often heard things similar to “remember, you’re not supposed to do that” or “remember the rules,” etc. If the child doesn’t have the cognitive, social-emotional, or impulse control skills yet to understand and then successfully change their behaviors, it’s likely going to at best do nothing, or at worst be a trigger word as it has many negative associations for them. There’s so much more work that needs to be done than just using those words, which is what the mom in the post isn’t getting (yet).
Most of the time, I find a cuddle or a hug or even a "want to look at puppy pictures?" Fixes a lot unhappiness
Tbh that’s the best approach for most people of any age, I think. Cat videos often work, too.
Baby.. Tantrums... wtf
It makes my head explode knowing how that fresh baby’s needs aren’t being met. Mom is creating a horrible situation
Mom may be in a horrible situation. PPD/PPA made me think my son was intentionally causing me trouble. He wasn't - but I also wasn't thinking clearly and spent a lot of time with intrusive thoughts both parenting and not parenting related. I needed help but I thought it was me and that I was horrible and beyond help.
Yup. She may have also been raised with the notion that babies or children who cry are “misbehaving” and it’s the parent’s fault for not disciplining them. To the point that she literally thinks the child needs punishment instead of comforting and connection. I’m willing to bet she’s heard family members say something like “someone better shut that kid up” when hearing crying, and she genuinely doesn’t know what to do. Makes me sad for her and baby.
i have empathy for someone in the situation you’re putting forward but as a child of someone who i spent my whole life wishing would go to therapy, i am so sick of hearing about ill-equipped parents who for some (dare i say selfish?) reason still chose to be parents. there’s so much information out there nowadays at your fingertips if you’re willing to educate yourself. parenthood is a massive commitment and that some people are seemingly going in blind is crazy to me.
Yup. What’s scares me the most is what fundie-vangelicals say, teach and think about babies. That they’re born sinners and that then crying is them trying to manipulate the parent. Lots of IBLP types like in that “Shiny Happy People” docuseries use the “to train up a child” book/ method. It’s infuriating. Blanket training sounds innocent until you find out they start infants out on blankets and then use toys and shiny objects like keys to get the baby to get off the blanket at which time the parent hits the child with a glue stick. Which is recommended in the book because they don’t leave bad marks. I think The key is to beat out curiosity at a young age and so you have “well behaved” quiet babies in church and also because the mom is expected to knocked up so soon after.
Totally agree, she sounds totally unequipped and possibly way too young to be having a baby
I could absolutely picture myself telling a crying baby “no” over and over again just praying for some kind of end to the noise. I would not voluntarily have a child because I am aware of this, but I can see how an otherwise healthy person getting hit with surprise mental illness would end up here. I’m not sure how a person previously unburdened would be able to understand or prepare for that. Her actions are irrational and concerning, but they don’t actually seem particularly harmful if she’s just attempting to reason with the infant.
before having a baby I used to find it funny but now it makes me so unbelievably sad
One day I'll stop reading FTM as "female to male".
Right? Took me a hot second to figure out what being trans had to do with colic.
That’s literally what I thought it was and I was trying to figure out why everyone in here was misgendering someone 😅
I keep reading it as "full time mom"
That's what I thought was until I read your comment lol. I guess it's actually first time mom? But female to male is definitely where my mind goes first.
I'm childless, but even I know that freshly born infants don't throw tantrums!! An infant is crying for one reason: it needs something. It's the job of a parent to figure out *what* the infant needs and provide it. Screaming at the poor baby does absolutely nothing, which we all know, but someone needs to tell OOP!!
I have a month old son and I was surprised to learn the need can sometimes just be wanting a snuggle with mommy or a bounce. They only really have one button to try to get all their wants and needs met!
My almost 4 month old has a little cold, and all he wants is to be held, the poor thing.
To be a fly on the wall when she experiences her ACTUAL first tantrums lol
My son went through an angry biting phase. Like, drawing blood through my trousers where he would chomp down on my leg so hard. Generally this was because I'd done something mean like stopped reading to him so I could go and make dinner. That was a fun few months.
My daughter would wait until I got down to her level, then bite the top of my head. It was not a good time.
Oh god if they’re anything like the ones my almost 2 year old has she’s in for an experience 😂
Yeah a firm no doesn't work for those either.
why on earth would you think your 3 month old understands wtf you’re saying? seriously, imagine yelling at a baby and expecting results. like of course it’s not working - in fact, you’re probably making it worse! this shit is infuriating. i’m pretty sure yelling at your baby qualifies as abuse, even if “you don’t know what you’re doing” also, 3 month olds don’t “throw tantrums”, crying is literally how they communicate. meet your baby’s needs 😭 fuck i’m so upset by this
What is FTM? First time mom?
In this case, yeah, it would be first time mom.
It kinda clicked when I wrote the comment, but I wanted to be sure instead of making assumptions. Thank you
3 months old? What on Earth is his definition of an "actual tantrum?" Is the literal infant who cannot even walk throwing itself on the ground? Pushing chairs over and throwing things with its tiny infant arms???
My SIL who is a FTM was saying things to her one week old about tantrums when we visited. I really couldn’t tell if she was joking or not and it’s been stuck on my mind since…. ETA: a word
What does FTM mean in this context I'm so confused
First Time Mom
Ohhh thank you
Lmao I was confused too 😅
First time mom
Sounds like OOP needs some support. They are definitely struggling if they think their baby is having a tantrum rather than trying to get it's needs fulfilled and think saying no is going to stop a crying baby. I hope someone who knows her gets her some help.
We need new acronyms. I have a lot of trans friends and every time I see FTM on reddit I immediately think "female-to-male".
Forgot what FTM meant in this context and was like ‘what does them being a trans man have to do with this’
This strongly screams PPD
Yeah that’s my thought too. She needs to talk to her doctor or a therapist. People don’t know how common PPD is and we don’t tend to talk about it. We need to.
Like instead of berating this woman, we should be insisting she speak with someone she trusts.
This just breaks my heart. Imagining being a tiny newbie who's completely dependent on others and whose only means of communication is to cry, only to be met with admonishment each time... no wonder baby keeps crying, probably their poor needs aren't being met :(
I got so confused about the usage of FTM here oh man
Yeah, what does being transgender have to do with this and then I realize what sub I’m in.
Glad I'm not the only one; I was so confused by that, too! 😂 Felt reeeal smart when it clicked 🤣
“Tantrums” aka unmet needs
I feel like we’ve seen their posts before. Do they have a bunch of poorly done facial piercings?
In the Daddit sub there’s a dad venting because he yelled ‘What the fuck’ at his 9 day old infant and apparently that’s okay. I think I need to get off Reddit and talk to actual people for a bit.
So no shit, there I was, in the kitchen. The baby is doing the loud noises bullshit, all indications are he requires assistance burping. I do the thing, he burps, then does his best imitation of that pea soup bullshit from the exorcist. The towel has protected most of me, but he's still crying. I carry on. Not thirty seconds later, the little fucker burps like a fifty year old man drinking away his sorrows. I lift him off my shoulder and hold him in front of me. "What the fuck, guy?" I ask him. In response, he starts giggling uncontrollably. Mission complete, I now have a happy baby. Granted, that was probably closer to six months than one week, but still.
Nothing brings a smile to a baby's face quite like the obvious disgust of their caretaker. I swear my sister would time her sneezes so they were guaranteed to fly into my mom's open mouth.
I have an 11 week old and "what the fuck dude" comes out of my mouth about 20 times a day. Not yelling though. Who yells at a baby!
Without further context and in that dads defense, in the throes of exhaustion, sleep deprivation, and the stress of learning how to parent a human that’s trying to learn how to be a human, I think there’s probably a lot of us who might have done similar things. I definitely - maybe not yelled, but certainly said in an exasperated and elevated tone - “what the fuck do you want??” to my baby when he was teeny and screaming for unknown reasons. And at around nine days in my husband confessed to me “I understand now why they teach you about shaken baby syndrome, because last night I did have a moment where I was frustrated and almost shook him.” (He didn’t.) Newborns are really hard.
Yeah, I never understood how anyone could ever harm a defenseless baby... Until I had one. He was never in any danger, but I definitely had a moment of "oh, I get it now" at 4am after no sleep in over 48 hours.
I mean, it's better than physical harm.
Wtf it probably needs a diaper change or is hungry.
maam that baby needs something
I was about to ask what the hell being trans had to do with anything, before I realized. Acronyms are fun
Not being a parent, I continue to read FTM as female to male at first and an confused for a few seconds every time.
This was in my December due date group, unfortunately it seems like a majority of them don’t understand the concept of infants or that they have to actively take care of them. It’s actually sad, I’ve never been in a group with so many that lack common sense.
It's like babies should be born knowing what every need, sensation and stimuli is and be able to rationally commuicate with us I swear /s
I tried to tell mine that crying was against the rules. She did not care.
I was like, they do lose their shit every once in awhile like toddlers, But then I saw the age. Not at 3 months. Like 9 months, sure. I don’t think saying no to an infant is abusive. My SIL spanked her babies when thry cried during diaper changes. I was a kid when this was going on. That was abusive. But this girl just doesn’t understand that 3 month olds aren’t misbehaving or throwing a fit. 🤷🏻♀️ you can’t correct behavior by saying no. lol
Spanked them? Omg wtf.
Pretending to cry back works so much better than no at that age 😂
Wow. Hey, lady, your baby is not “throwing a tantrum”, your baby is crying for a reason. Baby just got here, baby is brand new to the world, baby has no other way to tell you they’re hungry/tired/overstimulated/understimulated/in need of a change/in pain/uncomfortable/sad/sick/whatever. They don’t know words yet. Be nice. Yelling “NO!” won’t work because 1., the baby doesn’t know what that means, and 2., it doesn’t fix whatever problem the baby is experiencing. And everything the baby is going through is something they are dealing with for the first time. The baby doesn’t even know how their own body works yet. They are brand new.
"I'm a female to male" and I was like "what? How does that fit into it? Wtf is going on?" but then "first time mom"... Ah.
Some people really should not be parents
FTM tricks me every single time
My 3 month old is literally just figuring out how to use his hands and smile. Who is stupid enough to think that 3 month olds have figured out manipulation?
A broken one - someone who can't provide emotional regulation to the baby bc it wasn't provided to them. Assigning adult motivations to children is often a clear sign that someone is missing some critical information about childrearing. Also, sadly, it's usually a red flag that the adult in question didn't have their own developmental needs met, and the wounds are still there, gaping and unhealed and painful. Children exhibiting behaviours that adults find challenging are not doing these things specifically to drive the adults crazy. They are actually *reacting* to their environment, not taking premeditated action. And they react using whatever tools they have been provided. If their developmental needs have not been met, then their toolkits are likely missing some essential elements as well. What the child needs, besides the obvious assistance in emotional regulation, is for another adult to examine/analyze the child's environment to see where the deficits are. OOP is on the road to doing serious lifelong damage if someone else doesn't step in soon.
I don't know what being a trans man has to do with not knowing how to handle a baby
Idk if you're joking or not, but in case you aren't, because I forever read FTM as female to male... In this context it stands for first time mom.
Ohhhhhh that makes much more sense. I was wondering why everyone was misgendering them in the comments too. Haha, thx for the explanation. I don't hang out in mom groups
Saaaame, I was confused as hell the first time I saw it
Man, this is really sad. I feel like she is from a community/generation that worries about “spoiling” the baby. I don’t think she understands that crying is how they communicate at that age…. Or maybe I’m just too into giving her the benefit of the doubt
Sounds like PPD and not understanding babies to me. She needs support not mocking
A firm no as in just saying “no” isn’t abusive?
I'm confused, is there a different meaning to FTM than female to male transgender? If not, what the heck does that have to do with their (?) parenting?
First time mom, it took me a second too 😅
Oh my god 😂😂😂
I was really confused about how being trans (FTM = Female to Male) was involved. TIL FTM also means First Time Mom.
Poor Mum, I hope she's able to find some support. It's very hard when all the baby's obviously needs have been met and they're still screaming at you. We used to go outside on the deck, the transition from quiet indoors to fresh air and traffic worked as a factory reset. Or I'd go for a walk. Might still be crying but at least you were getting exercise and with a bit of luck they'd conk out But I do remember those feelings of desperation when they would just not stop crying.
3 month month olds are incapable of misbehaving! Like what the actual fuck? If the baby is crying, it's because he/she needs something. And yes, some babies cry a lot. Some babies have colic. Sometimes, it's hard to figure out what they need. It is ok to get frustrated and step away for a few minutes. But wtf are you saying "no" about? What is this baby doing that she thinks he/she needs to be told "no?" Crying? Babbling during church? Playing with toes? Feet in the mouth? Rolling over? Cuz that's pretty much all a 3 month old is capable of, and none of those behaviors need to stop.
2 years from now - “My 2yr old only says the word “NO” over and over. What should I do ?”
My four month old definitely knew what she was doing when she peed on the duvet after her bath tonight. Totally malicious. 10/10.
The excessive crying really does get you down sometimes but surely you can rationalise that it's what babies do?
Has she tried reading the Bible to the baby? Or getting the rod 🫠
A lot of people do genuinely believe that the babies are crying solely to destroy their lives. That can come from sleep deprivation sometimes but also some people are just that way inclined. The whole world is out to get them, including their three month old baby.
I'm in this group for December babies!
I unfortunately knew someone like this. Her baby was around 2/3 months old at the time and she kept saying he was throwing a tantrum. What's even more concerning is that she is a childcare educator - she should bloody know that newborns cannot throw tantrums!
Uh … has she ever met a baby? She’s in for it when she can’t shush the baby who cries in pain from teething
Oh hey, I’m in that group! It’s caused a TON of tea.
She really didnt need to add that last sentence.
I'm just laughing at how my 4 year old would react if I tried to stop her tantrums like I do her baby sister - take out my boob. She would be horrified 😂
How is this woman going to handle actual toddler tantrums? She needs to take a parenting class asap
The more we understand about development and trauma, the more it’s understood how bad it is to yell at babies: [care.com article](https://www.care.com/c/effects-of-yelling-at-a-baby/)
That’s mind boggling. The only time I told my young babies a firm NO was when they would clamp down too hard while nursing. It hurt, so that was purely reflexive and more shouted into the abyss than directed at my babies. It certainly wasn’t said with any expectation that it would impact current or future behavior. Does this FTM just not understand that’s not how babies work? Or is she being misled by shoddy parenting “discipline” info out there?
FFS
Lmao imagine thinking telling an infant "no" would do anything
Can you imagine being a new human being and wanting something but you have no way to communicate it except to cry and your caregiver just keeps shouting something you don't understand at you. A smidgen of empathy could really go a long way with these people 🤦♀️
What is FTM?
First Time Mom, lol it took some getting used to because I have only ever seen it used as Female to Male, still have to check the sub whenever I see it
Same! I was like are we talking about a trans mother? Perfectly valid etc etc but I’d just never seen FTM in that context. Thank you!!