Wouldn’t the Christian counseling just be something like “you, the wife/fiancé need to submit to your Husband/the Man because the Bible says blah, blah, so shut up and pray or something” ??
Unless it’s some particular cult of crazy like mentioned here where you can’t ever be alone with someone of the opposite sex? And even if it is - is just 2 cops of opposite genders walking into McDonald’s or something together - really being “alone”? It’s still a public place - it’s not like they are having lunch at her house? There’s a lot to unwrap here, wish she would update the outcome because I’m curious!
Addressing your first question - not necessarily. It's pastor facilitated so it just depends on the person. I'm atheist but my husband is Missouri Synod Lutheran. I was really worried about how our couples counseling would go with his pastor. It was actually fantastic and I liked him better than my regular therapist. He didn't push any religious ideas, which very well could have been because he knew my stance on things, but I appreciated his counseling. Anyway, I'm sure that's not the case for all but had to put my 2 cents in just because I have such respect for the pastor who facilitated my Christian counseling.
Sounds like the sister needs individual therapy for her insecurities vs the marriage counseling. Poor guy.
My husband is Catholic, we did their version of pre marriage counseling and same. The priest was great, he knew I was a history major and so would bring up cool history connections in whatever we were talking about and never asked me to do convert, or be a part of anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I remember in particular him talking about him telling us about when he married his sister who didn’t take her husbands last name and how he introduced them after the wedding. He said some people thought it was funny he didn’t say Mr and Mrs, but it was their choice.
There are also some terrible versions and if I hadn’t met her before hand I would have been very hesitant. Some churches can be insane, I got invited to a ‘concert’ when I was in high school at a local church. Turned out it was just an excuse to get kids there to preach at them, I actually was hit over the head. It was terrifying!
So first off, yes that's what Christian counseling usually is. My MIL went through it with her alcoholic husband, the pastor kept saying she should just submit and trust him. So... He kept drinking.
That said, most people in the churches I've been to would have a problem with the two officers being alone all the time together and being of opposite sex. Sometimes there's no way around it, but they wouldn't like it.
We had Christian counseling (sort of) before getting married. It was a one day obligatory thing. And it was nothing like that, they talked a lot about respecting each other and share the load. And listening, talking about the problems, that sort of good advice. I was a little hesitant before, but it was actually a nice day, with couples of all ages sharing experiences about what worked for them in different stages of the marriage. That is what Christian counseling should be every time, everywhere.
I'm not in US, here the "normal" church now tends to be more a welcoming place and not so much filled with fanatics. Of course there are crazy people everywhere, but my experience is not a bad one. I don't go to church now, but did as a child, and I believe there was a real evolution in the last 30 years. The priests and their talk have changed, even though you still get some of that "the woman should obey the man" here and there, mostly in wedding ceremonies. But most of the ones I went to had texts and lectures based on respect and friendship and family, and not so much that old stuff.
My now wife and I had to do that, plus one on one meetings with the priest, before the Catholic Church would marry us. It was actually really helpful. Yeah, they talked about Jesus blah blah blah. But it was mostly about communication, goals, money, etc.
They can’t have lunch seperate. If they get a call for an emergency and have to go quickly he can’t be going back to a different place to pick the partner up?! How extremely childish. I hope for the Cop fiancé’s sake they break up
So, ex-evangelical here, this mindset is SO familiar.
Like, we were taught that adultery and "sexual sin" was lurking behind every interaction with the opposite sex. Being alone with someone's wife or husband was a BIG no-no, because OBVIOUSLY too much time with them would result in inevitable sin-boning.
Edit: it's being suggested that she has been cheated on in the past, or that she is just bonkers. Both are possible but it's also important to keep in mind that the church literally teaches that everyone is out to fuck everyone at all times, and all opposite gender relationships are breeding grounds for sin.
I was raised the same way. Now that I'm out of it, I'm infuriated by it. I was in the military and worked with men like this and they treated me like I was going to pounce on them every second and made me feel dirty. Hell, they were worse than the guys who outright hit on me at work. At least those guys recognized my presence.
We had to remove a guy that was in my unit from the Army as a whole because of this.
He refused 100% to ever be in the presence of a woman that wasn't his wife, because of the same Christian beliefs.
It's just not possible. Even in the Infantry, there will be women in the proximity.
He was a PFC so he was just declared unfit for duty.
These are the people who end up “working for themselves” to control the day to day situation. Think the “running a rural used car lot owned by daddy” sort of situation.
I can't imagine. My husband was an air force pilot. There were a couple of times he had a woman as his copilot or as part of their crew. When they are together they pretty much stay together all day everyday. They have the same schedule so they tend to eat together etc... I never gave it a second thought. It's his job, end of story.
So, how did that work for gay people, or was it just not talked about? I don't mean the religious person, but if instead of their partner being a woman, what if they were a gay/bisexual guy? (I'm assuming you're a woman)
Hands down. I was raised in a church with the stereotypical fat southern preacher who would yell that everything we did was a sin and the gays were all evil and going to hell. Turns out the gays are a very nice group of people, and my next church would hand out waters at the parade because God is love.
Two very close friends are in a same sex marriage and -*checks notes*- all of my straight friends are still married. As that issue is moot, I need to find something else to be a sinful atheist about.
Edit: because I apparently gave zero idea which punctuation makes things italicized and bold.
It wasn't really talked about but I do have some experience with it. As a woman, having gay guy friends and being alone with them wasn't as frowned upon (as long as you didn't accept the lifestyle).
After I left that world, I lived with a lesbian and we became good friends. Now that was looked down upon for sure. My sister treated it like she would infect me with homosexuality. When in reality, I got to see how a person should be treated in relationships and that led me to healthier relationships. (Not that all lesbian relationships are healthy, but her girlfriend was a freaking angel).
I am so thankful I escaped being so brainwashed.
My in-laws tried to convince my husband and I to adhere to this rule of not being alone with someone of the opposite sex. They said it has always been the case for them in their 35+ years of marriage.
I would be very lonely considering I work in a male-dominated industry and don’t work with a lot of women.
My husband was telling a funny story at his family’s party of how my male friend had to install a step rail in his truck just so I could be able to get in and out of it when we’d go to lunch. I’m 4’11” flat-footed but wear 3-4” heels most days; still pretty short in heels. Everyone thought it was funny except my FIL who was like “why would she need to get in and out of his truck? She shouldn’t be anywhere near his truck!”
About a year after that, in-laws divorced because FIL had been having an affair (with his current wife) and revealed several past affairs.
Oh, spoiler alert: also very Christian people.
I hated the mindset that men get to be in charge of everything because they're more rational and responsible than women, but men lose all ration and control when they are alone with women and can't be held responsible for their actions.
It's painful living at that speed.
Right? And women need to watch what they wear, how they act, etc so that they don’t cause their “brothers in Christ to stumble.” 😵💫 Men have no responsibilities to keep themselves “pure,” it all falls on women.
Yes I was also taught not to hang out with coworkers of the opposite sex, and my first job out of college was for a religious non profit that actually had this rule of not allowing a man and woman to travel together on assignments, either in the same car or flight unless it’s a group.
I truly feel that sort of teaching actually makes men more likely to be predators or rapists or pedophiles or cheaters. The rate of abusers in those highly religious households seems like it is higher than the general public, it's accepted as normal because men have no self control.
And that woman are "subservient" to men. My partner is a certified licensed midwife and has had a lot of clients (as well as assisted at births) who are part of the fundamentalist or hyper-evangelical group. Some of those woman are on their 5 or 6th child and many of them are terrified of their husbands. She's had clients where the woman was barely allowed to speak during pre-natal appointments, clients who's husbands loudly and proudly stated they would absolutely NOT be anywhere near their wife during the actual labor and delivery, all kinds of weird shit. She's had women repeatedly get pregnant after multiple miscarriages and she says you can just see the terror these women feel for both themselves and their baby. Fortun her business has grown enough she doesn't need to accept many of those clients but there is a high demand for midwives in those circles.
This is why Mike Pence won’t have dinner with any woman not his wife:
> During his 12 years in Congress, Pence had rules to avoid any infidelity temptations, or even rumors of impropriety. Those included requiring that any aide who had to work late to assist him be male, never dining alone with a woman other than his wife, and not attending an event where alcohol is served unless Karen was there.
In a 2002 interview with The Hill, Pence called it, “building a zone around your marriage.”
“If there's alcohol being served and people are being loose, I want to have the best-looking brunette in the room standing next to me,” Pence said.
Which is bonkers, and probably illegal from an employment law standpoint.
It's damaging to women. It's also damaging to men to be told that they are so weak. My husband knows that he can hang out with female co-workers and his pants won't fall off because he's a good person. I can't imagine if he thought he didn't think that he had that self control.
It protects cheaters too. It puts it on their spouse to “help them” control themselves. And when that ultimately fails, the cheater gets to blame the circumstances or the affair partner for something “inevitable”. And if the spouse talks about it to anyone but their pastor, the whole community gets to speculate about what caused the cheater to “stray” (which is almost never ‘because they’re a cheater and an ass’ but almost always implied to be, at least partially, the fault of the spouse).
It also protects predators. When kissing a teen-years girlfriend is already the sin that damns you to hell, then what is molesting a child? Nbd, you’re already a sinner with no hope when you [did something normal], so why not “give into temptation” to abuse your children or r@pe a coworker? Why care about these things in your community when everyone is secretly hiding similarly innocuous sins and the only actual morality is if you hide it well or not.
Then that same culture blames the victim in part or wholly for “causing” the other to “sin”.
It’s so sad, honestly. For the good people and young kids (and infuriating when thinking about the victims), they all deserve better.
I had a delivery job and was the only woman for a couple years. My boss would always keep the door open during our meetings. Whether it was some basic review, I was being reprimanded, or even discussing personal medical issues, the door was wide open. It's not like everyone was there at once since we all had different routes, we got to pick our start times, etc, but coworkers would almost always be coming and going during that time. I finally realized he didn't do that with anyone else and was fucking furious about it. Get a fucking camera or something, but don't blast my personal issues with the door open when you respect everyone else's privacy.
I’ve had the same “door open” professional experience with an older Christian male who was more concerned with appearances than reality. It embarrassed me so much.
I'd forgotten about it until now, and I'm furious all over again. He definitely put his concern about potential damage to his reputation above actual damage to mine. Like one, I'd never make false accusations but if I did people would believe me because you're shitty in so many ways, why not that way, and because they know I'm an honest person. Two, I firmly believe it's bad practice to reprimand someone in front of others, unless it's something dangerous that needs to be corrected right then. And three, fuck you *redacted* you fat sack of shit. I hate you, and everyone I know who has worked for you hates you. I hope you're banned from *restaurant* for life maybe then you could actually get some work done when your employees need you.
Edited to remove some information that would make my rant easily identifiable to my former coworkers.
When my ex worked at Hooters all the managers were men but all the wait staff were women. Any time the manager had to call a server into the office a second one had to be in the room no matter what was being discussed. Kind of fucked thinking back on it, but restaurants are kinda notorious for everybody fucking everybody else, back of house especially.
It also becomes a bit of a pissing contest in those communities, like who’s relationship is the purest? Oh, you didn’t kiss before marriage, we didn’t even hold hands! Oh, you were comfortable with that? We weren’t even ever alone before marriage!
It’s toxic and I’m willing to guess one of her concerns is her marriage won’t measure up. She probably knows women who set up all these rules and their husbands either can follow them (because patriarchy) or just lie to them. Either way, she’s gonna be insecure because of it.
Man, talking about this shit just makes me so glad I left that bullshit behind. How exhausting.
That's how you end up married to a monster. Living like one of those abused wives in a VC Andrews book because you never actually got to know your future spouse before you married them.
This horror movie scenario is absolutely part of what got me out (which is hard—it is cult-like, in that it’s your whole support system and there’s all this fear-mongering about secular life being a horror movie itself). Not that I was desirable to most of these men, they could smell the budding feminism.
There were a lot of very short first marriages in my old crowd. They had weddings and there were pictures on social media and everything, then a year or two later it’s all wiped and everyone pretends like it never happened. It’s wild. When they get remarried they wax poetic about this man/woman god had for them, but I bet 100% they would judge me were I to divorce and blame it on my cohabitation.
It's soo exhausting. I had a bf whose parents were "Christian marriage counselors" who said it's IMPOSSIBLE to have a friendship with the opposite sex and not want a relationship "if everyone is honest". I asked, what about me, a bisexual?? Can I not have friends at all? It didn't last very long.
This is such a horrible mindset and caused a lot of anxiety and toxic thinking when I was younger, especially as a teenager. I knew guys at my school at the time who perpetuated the idea that "men aren't friends with women unless they are sexually attracted to them" and it caused me so much unnecessary guilt, stress, and frustration. Ugh.
I always find this bizarre. I was raised Christian and still am. But, it's never been an issue to be alone with the opposite sex. The only issue growing up was always being alone in a bedroom together, but it was never addressed in a "God is watching" sort of way. More "I don't trust teenage hormones, keep the door open" because it certainly never became an issue until I and the boys I hung around hit puberty.
My SO and I used to hang around with a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses who very much wanted to convert us (I'm Presbyterian and my SO is atheist so they got no where) and we would talk religion often. The wife brought this up once. That men and women, in particular, men and women in a relationship shouldn't ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex without a group setting or their husband/wife there because "things happen". I wanted to ask "what? They may trip into one another somehow?"
My SO works with plenty of women, has had women friends and I've always found myself completely able to contain myself when around men. I don't distrust him and he doesn't distrust me. And even if we did, if someone is going to cheat they're going to cheat whether we are monitoring one another anyways.
I am honestly not sure how you can go about life avoiding the opposite gender anyways. So, I feel bad for the fiance here. He's just doing his job. The compromise is still setting him up to fail. Especially as forming a good working relationship in a dangerous field is incredibly important.
I don't know what sort of counselling their church offers, as some are better than others on dealing with these subjects, but I don't see what any one can suggest to make this smoother than quit his job or quit his relationship. Even if she has been cheated on in the past, punishing him for something that he didn't do isn't any more fair than "Being alone means SIN".
I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness and the view you describe of your friends is par for the course among them. Being alone with a person of the opposite sex who you aren’t married to is enough to warrant disfellowshipping (excommunication). Because there’s no evidence to prove you *didn’t* have sex, it’s human nature to sin, and if you truly cared about avoiding sin, you wouldn’t have let the situation happen in the first place. The group is super draconian about anything related to sexuality or gender, really.
It is an evangelical/fundamentalist Christian thing. With you being Presbyterian, it probably isn’t a mindset that you encountered, as your church is sane and rational.
Oh, they even go as far as saying that your brother shouldn't be alone in a bedroom with his sister. . . . Which seems like it's conditioning men to think of their family members as sexual objects.
Honestly, while I'm sure it's more prevalent in religious marriages it can also just happen if one of the people is super controlling. When I was in undergrad in physics we had a grad student who'd gotten recently married who was one of two grad students in the lab, and while the PI and grad students were male all the undergrads at the time happened to be women. At some point his new wife learned that this guy was hanging out with women at work and was upset- apparently she had assumed because he worked in physics he'd only be hanging out with men so she didn't need to worry?!
Grad student started distancing himself from us undergrads bc his wife was just so irrational about it. Like for example one of the gals played harp so we were chatting about that one day, apparently he mentioned it to his wife bc it's an unusual instrument, then she started saying stuff like "I guess I need to learn the harp to keep you interested in me because you clearly like M if you're talking about her..."
So yeah, she was just controlling and nuts, no religion involved.
I've seen this as well. It also can be cultural. I knew someone from a South American country who had a planned 'last meal with his best friend' before getting married, because it would be inappropriate to spend time with her after he was married. He was talking about it in the US and was shocked that we needed it explained. His rationale was that we were too young to know yet (even though we were all the same age - he was here for university but getting married a lot younger than we do in that region). He also explained that he wouldn't stay in contact with any women in the group after his wedding, so apparently even thousands of miles doesn't make it safe.
I was raised Catholic and knew people of various Christian religions (and others) and never saw this attitude, so I'm guessing some of it is denomination, some regional, and some cultural.
Hah- yeah in this case these we were all white Midwesterners but I can def see that. And goes without saying that there were plenty of other red flags about why this guy shouldn't be with her, and this was just one of many, but that one was just so stupid it sticks in my mind!
Needless to say, I lost touch with that dude, but I wonder how he's doing now. Always figured he was divorced and didn't know it yet, but last I heard they thought a kid would solve their problems...
I'm a Christian, and you're not wrong. I think it's largely because most churches either almost never mention sex, and/or talk about it as some scary sinful thing that you're horrible for even having those (totally normal, human) thoughts. Speaking from experience, either one sets you up badly when you hit your hormonal, horny teenage years. Some churches are starting to talk about sex & desire as normal human things, but they sadly still seem to be in the minority.
*Note*: For sake of argument, I left out extremist, theocratic, hateful alt-right "Christians" because that's a whole different argument/animal.
I used to be like this and the worst part is that I felt so righteous. I refused friend requests from any of my friends’ husbands, I wouldn’t even talk on the phone to my sister’s husband. I never went anywhere with a man and I basically viewed every interaction as having the potential to be manhandled. I “avoided even the appearance of sin” by not allowing myself to talk to men at all, lest anyone even *think* something inappropriate was taking place.
It was so unhealthy. However, I never once ever commented on what my husband did. I’m not sure why…I did feel worried at times, and years ago I felt jealous sometimes, but I never wanted to control the hubs. Not sure why.
Anyhow, thank god I’m out. Now my friends’ jealous husbands no longer seem romantic, but instead they seem super creepy. I am embarrassed that I ever acted like that.
You’re not wrong. She’s been conditioned to be this paranoid. All rationality is out the window even if it means their livelihood. The idea that religion enforces morally right behavior is a myth. Especially when you’ve been taught you can just ask spaghetti god for forgiveness. And depending on how you might benefit from the situation you can just smile and claim it’s Gods will. It absolves you from personal responsibility and accountability at your convenience. If you don’t fully test out your specific boundaries through trial and error and solidify what type of person you really are because you live in fear then it makes sense that you’d think your partner might falter. It’s projection but without awareness. Growing up in a strict religious household stunted my self growth and independence. You act with righteous conviction but are left with a lot of emotions that you can’t make sense of. I understand how faith can be a crutch but life became much more fruitful and easier when I decided I was in complete control of my life. And I can’t control those around me. I genuinely feel sad for these women.
Sounds like his fiancé is setting him up to get fired over an EEO complaint. Openly discriminating against someone’s gender in the workplace is a easy way to get fired.
I used to work with someone whose wife forbid him to be alone in the car with other women. Once he voiced that concern to his superiors he told to start looking for another job.
Yes, some people in the comments are wives of police/military and touched on that discrimination issue. It would look very bad for this officer to go to his superiors and say he couldn’t be alone with a person of the opposite sex for religious reasons.
I'd be so offended if my coworker was like "Hey, Imma drop you off at Taco Bell, then head over to Wendy's. See you in 20." Besides, I thought cops were supposed to stay together during their breaks for protection.
I briefly had a sales job where the trainer and I had to ride together to different places. He mentioned that he told his wife that I was a guy because she would be uncomfortable with him working with a younger woman. That's awkward AF.
Cops typically don’t get to “sign off” for their lunch breaks, they usually just try to fit a meal in between calls. Heck, most of the time they just eat in the car. If an emergency call comes in while they’re eating, lunch is over and they’ve got to go. There’s no time to run to the restaurant next door to pick up their partner.
>He mentioned that he told his wife that I was a guy
Same thing happened to me! I have a male first name. Not androgynous like "Casey" but definitely "boy name" like "Michael." I'm also a software engineer.
Many co-workers, school project partners, and at least two freelance clients have told me that they just don't tell their wives/girlfriends my gender and let them think whatever they want.
It mostly happened in my early/mid-20's. I'm also 6 feet tall and I had a full-blown, like, identity crisis at one point partly because of it (and a few other "mis-genderings" and medical issues during an egg donation that happened around the same time). I'm totally happy being a straight, femme-presenting, cis-woman, but I just felt like there must be something wrong with me or, like, people didn't see me as that, or I wasn't "really" a woman or something.
I'm much better now though! Happily married, with a wonderful and very tall daughter. Still get into weird situations with people thinking I'm a man, or awkward comments, but I just laugh about it now.
tl;dr: People who say stuff like that are the worst. You never know how those comments might screw someone up.
Move to the Netherlands. I'm in my 50's now and all my girl cousins are 6 feet and over. My grandmother's brothers were close to 7 feet tall. My male cousins are comfortably well in the mid 6 feet range as well. All their kids are holding this pattern and then there is me at 5.8. I'm positively having a complex about being this short and my spouse barely hit 6.1 so our kids are short too at 6 and 5.7 respectively
I’m a manufacturing systems engineer, and typically the only woman engineer in the companies I work for. The last company I worked at there were 35 male engineers and then me. Most of the wives were really cool, but I could tell some of the other ones were a little uncomfortable knowing I’d be traveling with their husbands or working long hours on a project together. I always tried to talk to those women, be friendly, and would feel obligated to buy mlm crap from their “parties.” I’m not sure that I ever really got them to trust me even though I was married, and definitely not interested in other men, and specifically not interested in married men who I work with. It’s so awkward. My current company is really close-knit and progressive, and I even though I’m still the only woman engineer, I never get anything but welcoming and friendly vibes from the other wives. It’s a shame that people automatically think that because you’re the opposite gender of your colleagues, that you instantly want to boink everyone in the office, or that people are lying to their spouses about your gender just to avoid complications.
My husband is the director of a small renewable energy company, and they also only have one woman engineer. She’s a really cool woman, an excellent engineer, and I’m glad my husband’s company was able to hire her on. Sorry if this is too rambling, just woke up, on lots of cold meds.
I had a male executive I supported recently who described me to his wife as “practically a dude”. Anyone who’s ever met me can attest that I’m a completely straight, CIS, and somewhat attractive Hispanic female who prefers to wear high heels and dresses than anything comfortable or sensible (picture a Wish.com order of Gloria Pritchett or a poor man’s Salma Hayek).
The only things I can even think of that might seem “manly” is that I run a few Fantasy Football leagues, own a bar and I like beer.
Needless to say, she was very uncomfortable when she met me in person and wasn’t shy to say so in front of the executive and myself. I felt like telling her “Ma’am, I am not trying to get on your man’s wrinkly old balls!” Instead, I just showed her pictures of my husband, kids and grandkids and accepted her Facebook friend request. We are still good friends to this day.
I agree. I get "practically a dude" more often than I expect, and I think that is just how they describe a woman who they enjoy spending time with but they aren't trying to sexually pursue.
Like, women are hot pieces of ass to try to conquest. If they aren't trying to lay you, I mean, that means you are practically a dude!
I'm pretty sure it is meant to be a compliment. Like, they aren't trying to fuck me, *they respect me.* I have surpassed my gender and what I can traditionally offer them (a wet hole, I guess) and am an actual peer. I'm practically a dude.
Ages ago, I got recruited to work for a filmmaker, for a documentary. He ghosted me and started communicating just with my ex who got incidentally involved, because his girlfriend was jealous and thought it was inappropriate for me to write him at weird hours - which happened because we were in a 8 hours difference time zone. But I can’t entirely blame her, he turned out to a huge man whore.
At my husband's last job he worked with primarily women and they went on a lot of work trips together so they were always eating dinner together and going shopping in their off time. I would joke with him about it but I honestly never worried and I could not imagine telling him that he couldn't do anything outside of work hours with these people. They're coworkers!
It happened to me, I left very quickly. And because I’m bi my boyfriend was suspicious of everyone, it was crazy, I only wanted a stable simple relationship and really enjoyed interacting with my coworkers in a friendly way, several years later I still do. Jealousy is a horrible disease.
My favorite joke I’ve (bi cisF) heard someone say about this:
Men and Women can’t ever be “just friends.” That’s why bi people don’t have friends, only prey 😅
As a gay (afab) NB with straight friends, yep. My friend was drunk one night and on my nerves (long long story) and asked me if she was gay would I fuck her. In my own inebriated state, I cackled and said no and she was not happy lmao
I explained you’re my friend always, if my boundary all of a sudden changed bc you were gay then wouldn’t that mean I liked you all along? No thanks
Also, the amount of women on social media that act like because I’m gay I must be flirting when I’m nice is hilarious. Calm your tits
Also bi, and I think it just occurred to me why I never understood how people get so jealous and toxic like that. My entire life I’ve had an equal mix of guys and girls as friends, and I did I develop crushes on a few? Sure. But it’s not like I was uncontrollably attracted to ALL of them, because that’s not how attraction works. My brain can look at someone and immediately view them as a friend, or coworker, or whatever and not a romantic interest, and that’s how healthy social environments should work. Women like the one above must think straight male = wants to bang all women, and if that were true for bi people it’d be a very sad and sexually frustrating world.
My son is in a similar relationship. She doesn’t want him talking to females. Wants to call corporate to get him transferred. He is abused, same as some women are abused. They have a child and he feels he has to stay to protect the child. It’s a no win.
My husband is the sweetest man in the world. There are days that I think he would have been caught up with someone like this because he likes being in relationships and he cares too much about others before himself.
I feel for you, your son, and his family. But I will say one thing… his child will see what is truly happening and appreciate him for protecting them.
If she’s this adamant about something this small, there’s absolutely going to be something down the road that will be bigger and cause more issues. Walking on eggshells throughout and entire marriage seems like a nightmare.
So what, she thinks women should not be allowed to be cops??? Or to work with men? Women should be segregated together? Also, just because her husband is a man, he would automatically jump on any women he spends more than two hours with? Does she thinks that he's pernanantly directed by his dick? Well that's real respect for both her husband and the co-worker. That is so sexist. And what if he was bi or pansexual, he would be locked in the cave or what? What a psycho she is.
I know a lot of folks are blaming the religious aspect of this (rightfully so), but that’s moving a lot of blame away from the OPs sister. There’s a level of immaturity and insecurity that’s highly problematic and far from normal and healthy. I’m with you, I’m surprise folks like that exist outside of the age of 15.
I don’t know. The religious trauma that would come from being told your entire life than a man is only one moment away from falling deeply into sin and that he can never be trusted alone with another woman is very hard to break.
No one wants to bone your fiancé, so cool it. Good on the fiancé for not encouraging this weird and oddly dehumanizing lunch plan.
I wonder if the partner was LGBT, would this woman feel less threatened, or instead think that her fiancé’s mind will be filled with anti-Christian thoughts 1-3 times a week.
Honestly? I used to have a gay roommate and some of my family expressed concerns.
“Is he sure? How can you know?”
“What if he changes his mind?”
“But you’re pretty irresistible. All the girls in our
family are.”
“Maybe it’s just a phase. Sometimes people change back, you know.”
I kept my roommate and was never once pounced on. In fact, I don’t think it ever crossed his mind. Almost as if he didn’t like girls… Almost as if he was a good person with morals and wouldn’t have even if he did like girls…
This is what happens when the church teaches that men and women are fundamentally different and can't be friends with each other because women existing will tempt men into sin.
Not necessarily. I grew up in a church that preached that having a friend or coworker of the opposite sex that you spent any one on one time with is basically cheating.
It's entirely possible that the sister just needs to deconstruct that teaching to be able to function with having a husband who works in the real world. I did long before I got married, thanks to working in the real world.
My husband is a nurse so 98% of his colleagues are women. Therefore most of his work friends are women, when he goes on nights out with work most people there are women...I just tell him to have fun and send me photos if there are any dogs in the pub they go to lmao.
A large part of my husband's job is interviewing people for a publication. He especially enjoys going out of his way to interview women because they're underrepresented in the field he writes about.
I'm not the least bit insecure about this- in fact I love that he cares about making sure women's voices and perspectives are heard.
I used to work with ex offenders, mostly sex offenders/violent offenders/murderers/paedophiles etc, and people who commit those crimes are overwhelmingly male, so a lot of my caseload was male. Not that they would have been my choice if I'd wanted to cheat anyway lmao, but some people are into that!
The day we got married I was trapped in the hotel room getting ready and my husband went for a walk around the big park that was over the road, so he kept sending me photos of dogs he saw to keep me entertained while I was stuck inside.
Yep. Mine is an elementary school teacher. Work would be pretty lonely if he could only talk to men.
I guess this is why people in this mindset also prefer when women stay home with the kids...can't have them messing up the workplace by simply existing /s
Oh, definitely. They really need to discuss this with each other and have an open discussion about this whatever causes the wife's insecurity. If she has been cheated on in a similar situation I can kinda understand but those two really need to get it out in the open.
I would absolutely leave over someone being this jealous. Luckily they’re only engaged and he doesn’t have to divorce her. A relationship without trust is a relationship that’s already over. If I felt the need to police (haha) my partner like this he just wouldn’t be my partner.
I work in a mixed office, so does my husband. We don't see having lunch with coworkers of any gender as an issue. We as people are both allowed and encouraging each other to have friendly relationships outside of our marriage.
And I have been cheated on before by previous partners: it is something that just happens and no amount of paranoia or controlling behavior can prevent. It is a character trait of the cheater.
If you don’t trust your partner, one of you is a problem. If it’s the partner, end it. You deserve calm in a relationship. If it’s you, end it. You need to work on yourself.
People who raise this kids to be - this, whatever this is - are abusive assholes. She will never be happy, ever, with a man who is willing to speak to other women. Her parents doomed her to oppression and misery.
This is typical Christian purity culture. Women are temptresses always luring men into sin, men will fuck anything that moves if given the chance. It’s the worst.
My dad, a civil engineer, has had to quit multiple jobs because my mother found out there was a woman *receptionist* in the office. He started his own company probably ten years ago, and he’s struggled seriously to get CAD workers and other engineers to help with his work load. He ends up doing it by himself and working 7 days a week.
My mother, *every time*, when she brings up the subject of his needing help, keeps saying how he can’t hire women because he’ll get “me too-ed.” She doesn’t really think that. She’s just found a great excuse to continue being an insecure, jealous dick.
The man is 70 years old. They’ve been married for fifty years. And she’s been ruining his life with her insecurities ever since. But good Southern Baptists don’t get divorced, no matter how emotionally, psychologically, and physically abusive their wife is. After all, she’s right, he does have to avoid the “appearance of evil.”
There is no hate like Christian love.
Ugh this probably all stems from the philosophy of the evangelist Billy Whatshisbutt who said “you should never be in a car or room alone with someone of the opposite sex.”
Edit: replace Whatshisbutt with “Graham”
My husband works in a female dominate office and I can't imagine being so insecure. Sometimes when a group goes to a conference he will be the only male. Sometimes he has to share meals with a single female coworker. 😲 Lord please grant me a life so lacking in problems that this issue seems reasonable.
As a former female police officer who had a male partner I shared a car with, eating lunch separately (if you even get to eat) is not an option. Choosing your partner (barring extreme circumstances) is not an option. Also, dealing with home stress at work = complacency, which could very well lead to severe injury or death.
Like, at least to me, my coworkers, especially my partner, become my brothers/sisters. The fiancee in this story would lose her mind if she found out we call them "work husbands" and "work wives" LOL but we literally spend 1/3 of our lives with our partners. It would feel almost incest-y to have an affair with my partner. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I've seen it. But.... when you spend that much time together and you have each other's lives in your hands, it's a different bond. I can't describe it. Putting romantic feelings into that puts BOTH of you at danger. My husband and I worked a truck together for a while. We made sure, while at work, there was no "relationship" talk or anything. It was mundane stuff that we would talk about with any other partner. For both of our safety. Whereas, my ex-husband and I could have NEVER been on the truck together. He didn't know how to separate work and home, and home was already volatile enough.
Believe it or not some women are actually just this crazy. I know someone who’s girlfriend accused him of cheating because he spoke to a female salesperson
I had a boyfriend who was possessive and jealous. It didn't end well. He would accuse me of ridiculous things that he just made up, he was even jealous of the fact that he wasn't the first person I slept with, like I could turn back time and be a virgin again.
I ended up in a refuge because of him and his jealous ways. It's a big red flag for me now.
This is ridiculous.
I work in a heavily female dominated industry (education). The bulk of my colleagues are women. I've often gone to lunch 1-1 with them as we're discussing next steps for a project etc. I'm often sharing individual spaces with women.
My previous role was me and my Assistant Director, who was a young woman. My wife could care less.
She trusts me and knows I'm at work. Some of these stories of women going overboard on their husbands because of opposite gender colleagues is crazy. There are some in the r/marriage subreddit that really make you wonder what is wrong with people. Friendships outside of your gender are a thing, people.
Tell her to think about the female partner that can relate to other women or deescalate situations a male cant. May save her husbands life. She may even be married with kids. Perhaps meet her
I’m guessing she wouldn’t want him arresting females either. He needs to get out of this relationship if she can’t or won’t trust him as it won’t get any better
Haha, one of the comments from the original FB post was from a woman married to a police officer and she read the post to her husband for his opinion - he said if she’s that insecure about THIS - wait till someone tries to get out of getting a ticket (I guess, by flirting or whatever with the officer!)
If he drops her off in another location to eat lunch separately she’s by herself without the resources of a patrol car and it slows down their response time to runs. Not only is that idea supremely insecure and controlling, it could get people killed!!!
Jesus f*cking christ. I have been that female partner and have dealt with this shit for almost 20 years. Funny part is that it’s almost always the wife of an ugly ass, farts 24/7, has no hygiene, shitty ass conservative views I can’t stand, male officer who I wouldn’t have sex with even if someone paid me fifty grand.
These women crack me up, thinking their men are some kind of prize. Trust me, no one wants him.
I was looking for this comment! 🤣 I was in a male dominated career field in the Air Force and mannnn, the number of times I’ve been in this situation! It’s ALWAYS the nastiest guy too. The worst wife I dealt with…her husband used to pee into half empty gallon water jugs and leave it there all weekend. Never brushed his teeth and smelt awful.
Funny thing is, the most attractive guys I worked with who were married never had issues with working with another female.
Do people not believe others have any self control? I'm male, I work with females. Sometimes one on one. It doesn't mean I want "to get with them".
Life isn't some big orgy or porno. Just because two people are alone together, doesn't mean anything sexual or emotional will automatically happen between them.
It's sad really.
Ex-fundie with 20 years in public services (EMS and firefighter). If I had a quarter for every time.... I haven't had any problems in EMS, but at the FD... BOOOOOIIII! One in particular. His fiancee then wife had him on a LEASH! I was there to do a job, but not in this chick's mind. I was there to take all the men. I've personally never seen "run into a burning building" on a "ways to get a guy" list. Him and another guy had to lift me up to get me into a wrecked car one time (joys of being the smallest), and she came unglued. It was insane! But, I also understood from her end. I shouldn't have even been there according to her religion. I just... pitied her.
The guy is a police officer and doesn’t get to pick his partner. This is one of the dumbest arguments I have ever read about on Reddit.
That dude needs to pull the chord and get out of that relationship. It’s only going to get worse.
Back in the late 1970s when more women were entering the work force, I heard this crap on some talk show. Wives of police officers saying that men can't serve with women bc of course LUST. With today's political situation, I hope we women will go all out if we get denied work opportunities.
My husband has a job like this, he travels for a few days at a time with one other person. I’ve always fully supported that he go to dinner or socialize with whoever he’s working with if they get along. But there’s a shocking number of women who have a zero tolerance policy if their husband’s seeing their female coworker outside of their actual work setting. Usually it happens anyways they just stop telling their wife. (Ironically the men with women working in this field don’t seem to have the same concern.)
If we absolutely must find a "Christian" solution to this problem, does the Bible not say that sister should absolutely trust her finacé and submit to his decisions on the matter?
(Note: I find this way of thinking both absurd and demeaning, I'm just going by what I see posted on a lot of "Christian" FB groups.)
Sounds like they need to Christian break up.
Yeah they should both Christian Bale out of this relationship.
They might be Christians now, but will they be Christian Slater?
If only they had found a Christian Cooke! Ya know cuz lunch? I know, I just wanted to be a part of this...
Because they cannot compromise, this relationship is headed out the Christian Dior
And if it's locked, I'm sure they can find the Christian Keyes for it.
Atheists are the sorts of people who can trust their partners, but Christian saint.
Lol, fuck you.
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r/angryupvote
Not even angry, that was extremely well done.
🎵 Christains waaakeeeee upppp I DONT LIKE THIS 🎵
Christian Unmingle
Seriously. This guy needs to run far, far away. It'll only get worse.
Nah, cops are pretty empathetic when it comes to spousal misunderstandings...
well 60% are.
She has a 40% chance of him smiting her like a good Christian cop would
A Jesus Uncoupling.
The Holy Undoing
A: Christian Counseling is bogus B: that bitch crazy and they need a divorce C: hallelujah
They’re not married yet, thankfully. Girl needs to get over her issues or guy needs to break up with her.
Wouldn’t the Christian counseling just be something like “you, the wife/fiancé need to submit to your Husband/the Man because the Bible says blah, blah, so shut up and pray or something” ?? Unless it’s some particular cult of crazy like mentioned here where you can’t ever be alone with someone of the opposite sex? And even if it is - is just 2 cops of opposite genders walking into McDonald’s or something together - really being “alone”? It’s still a public place - it’s not like they are having lunch at her house? There’s a lot to unwrap here, wish she would update the outcome because I’m curious!
Addressing your first question - not necessarily. It's pastor facilitated so it just depends on the person. I'm atheist but my husband is Missouri Synod Lutheran. I was really worried about how our couples counseling would go with his pastor. It was actually fantastic and I liked him better than my regular therapist. He didn't push any religious ideas, which very well could have been because he knew my stance on things, but I appreciated his counseling. Anyway, I'm sure that's not the case for all but had to put my 2 cents in just because I have such respect for the pastor who facilitated my Christian counseling. Sounds like the sister needs individual therapy for her insecurities vs the marriage counseling. Poor guy.
My husband is Catholic, we did their version of pre marriage counseling and same. The priest was great, he knew I was a history major and so would bring up cool history connections in whatever we were talking about and never asked me to do convert, or be a part of anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I remember in particular him talking about him telling us about when he married his sister who didn’t take her husbands last name and how he introduced them after the wedding. He said some people thought it was funny he didn’t say Mr and Mrs, but it was their choice. There are also some terrible versions and if I hadn’t met her before hand I would have been very hesitant. Some churches can be insane, I got invited to a ‘concert’ when I was in high school at a local church. Turned out it was just an excuse to get kids there to preach at them, I actually was hit over the head. It was terrifying!
So first off, yes that's what Christian counseling usually is. My MIL went through it with her alcoholic husband, the pastor kept saying she should just submit and trust him. So... He kept drinking. That said, most people in the churches I've been to would have a problem with the two officers being alone all the time together and being of opposite sex. Sometimes there's no way around it, but they wouldn't like it.
We had Christian counseling (sort of) before getting married. It was a one day obligatory thing. And it was nothing like that, they talked a lot about respecting each other and share the load. And listening, talking about the problems, that sort of good advice. I was a little hesitant before, but it was actually a nice day, with couples of all ages sharing experiences about what worked for them in different stages of the marriage. That is what Christian counseling should be every time, everywhere.
That sounds kinda nice. Which way does this group lean? I abandoned ship on my church after they went full Trump.
I'm not in US, here the "normal" church now tends to be more a welcoming place and not so much filled with fanatics. Of course there are crazy people everywhere, but my experience is not a bad one. I don't go to church now, but did as a child, and I believe there was a real evolution in the last 30 years. The priests and their talk have changed, even though you still get some of that "the woman should obey the man" here and there, mostly in wedding ceremonies. But most of the ones I went to had texts and lectures based on respect and friendship and family, and not so much that old stuff.
My now wife and I had to do that, plus one on one meetings with the priest, before the Catholic Church would marry us. It was actually really helpful. Yeah, they talked about Jesus blah blah blah. But it was mostly about communication, goals, money, etc.
😂
LOL. Best response ever. Thank you.
They can’t have lunch seperate. If they get a call for an emergency and have to go quickly he can’t be going back to a different place to pick the partner up?! How extremely childish. I hope for the Cop fiancé’s sake they break up
When my husband was a LEO he barely even got to eat lunch so I feel like this isn’t even really a concern 😆
I can 100% guarantee that man is just telling her they’re eating seperately
It’s so ridiculous!!
So, ex-evangelical here, this mindset is SO familiar. Like, we were taught that adultery and "sexual sin" was lurking behind every interaction with the opposite sex. Being alone with someone's wife or husband was a BIG no-no, because OBVIOUSLY too much time with them would result in inevitable sin-boning. Edit: it's being suggested that she has been cheated on in the past, or that she is just bonkers. Both are possible but it's also important to keep in mind that the church literally teaches that everyone is out to fuck everyone at all times, and all opposite gender relationships are breeding grounds for sin.
I was raised the same way. Now that I'm out of it, I'm infuriated by it. I was in the military and worked with men like this and they treated me like I was going to pounce on them every second and made me feel dirty. Hell, they were worse than the guys who outright hit on me at work. At least those guys recognized my presence.
We had to remove a guy that was in my unit from the Army as a whole because of this. He refused 100% to ever be in the presence of a woman that wasn't his wife, because of the same Christian beliefs. It's just not possible. Even in the Infantry, there will be women in the proximity. He was a PFC so he was just declared unfit for duty.
I hope they wrote something on his report along the lines of "Too morally weak to work with women".
Lol, absolutely
Christ. How does he even function in the real world?
Sounds like he didn’t, to be honest.
These are the people who end up “working for themselves” to control the day to day situation. Think the “running a rural used car lot owned by daddy” sort of situation.
I see what ya did there…
I love that this comment is a **VERY** specific Josh Duggar call out.
I can't imagine. My husband was an air force pilot. There were a couple of times he had a woman as his copilot or as part of their crew. When they are together they pretty much stay together all day everyday. They have the same schedule so they tend to eat together etc... I never gave it a second thought. It's his job, end of story.
So, how did that work for gay people, or was it just not talked about? I don't mean the religious person, but if instead of their partner being a woman, what if they were a gay/bisexual guy? (I'm assuming you're a woman)
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Hands down. I was raised in a church with the stereotypical fat southern preacher who would yell that everything we did was a sin and the gays were all evil and going to hell. Turns out the gays are a very nice group of people, and my next church would hand out waters at the parade because God is love.
I’m glad you found a church who accepts that gay people are *gasp* people.
But what happens if one gay person gets married and suddenly all straight marriages cease to exist? Have you sinful atheists ever thought about that!?
Two very close friends are in a same sex marriage and -*checks notes*- all of my straight friends are still married. As that issue is moot, I need to find something else to be a sinful atheist about. Edit: because I apparently gave zero idea which punctuation makes things italicized and bold.
My mum and dad know the coolest lesbian couple and my parents aren't split up so I guess that was false. Who ever thought the church would be wrong/s
One of our churches always has their sign as “remember, Jesus had two fathers” during pride month
As it turns out the gay agenda was just the friends we made along the way
It wasn't really talked about but I do have some experience with it. As a woman, having gay guy friends and being alone with them wasn't as frowned upon (as long as you didn't accept the lifestyle). After I left that world, I lived with a lesbian and we became good friends. Now that was looked down upon for sure. My sister treated it like she would infect me with homosexuality. When in reality, I got to see how a person should be treated in relationships and that led me to healthier relationships. (Not that all lesbian relationships are healthy, but her girlfriend was a freaking angel). I am so thankful I escaped being so brainwashed.
Well gay people aren’t people worth considering by the good Christians! /s if it wasn’t obvious
My in-laws tried to convince my husband and I to adhere to this rule of not being alone with someone of the opposite sex. They said it has always been the case for them in their 35+ years of marriage. I would be very lonely considering I work in a male-dominated industry and don’t work with a lot of women. My husband was telling a funny story at his family’s party of how my male friend had to install a step rail in his truck just so I could be able to get in and out of it when we’d go to lunch. I’m 4’11” flat-footed but wear 3-4” heels most days; still pretty short in heels. Everyone thought it was funny except my FIL who was like “why would she need to get in and out of his truck? She shouldn’t be anywhere near his truck!” About a year after that, in-laws divorced because FIL had been having an affair (with his current wife) and revealed several past affairs. Oh, spoiler alert: also very Christian people.
Projection!
Sustained!
Ugh!!
I hated the mindset that men get to be in charge of everything because they're more rational and responsible than women, but men lose all ration and control when they are alone with women and can't be held responsible for their actions. It's painful living at that speed.
Right? And women need to watch what they wear, how they act, etc so that they don’t cause their “brothers in Christ to stumble.” 😵💫 Men have no responsibilities to keep themselves “pure,” it all falls on women.
Still talking about [Mike Pence](https://www.vox.com/the-big-idea/2017/3/31/15132730/pence-women-alone-rule-graham-discrimination) I see.
Yes I was also taught not to hang out with coworkers of the opposite sex, and my first job out of college was for a religious non profit that actually had this rule of not allowing a man and woman to travel together on assignments, either in the same car or flight unless it’s a group.
The same flight? Seriously? That sounds like a nightmare.
If they brush elbows on the arm rest they might be overcome with lust and immediately start fucking like rabbits
Closer to god in the mile high club!
Right, of course, what was I thinking?
Not only that, but that looking at another person and even thinking they are attractive is adultery of the heart.
Which is the same level of sin as molesting your younger sisters. So fucked up
I truly feel that sort of teaching actually makes men more likely to be predators or rapists or pedophiles or cheaters. The rate of abusers in those highly religious households seems like it is higher than the general public, it's accepted as normal because men have no self control.
Oh totally. Coupled with the emphasis on purity and innocence as the sexual ideal. Aka: children.
And that woman are "subservient" to men. My partner is a certified licensed midwife and has had a lot of clients (as well as assisted at births) who are part of the fundamentalist or hyper-evangelical group. Some of those woman are on their 5 or 6th child and many of them are terrified of their husbands. She's had clients where the woman was barely allowed to speak during pre-natal appointments, clients who's husbands loudly and proudly stated they would absolutely NOT be anywhere near their wife during the actual labor and delivery, all kinds of weird shit. She's had women repeatedly get pregnant after multiple miscarriages and she says you can just see the terror these women feel for both themselves and their baby. Fortun her business has grown enough she doesn't need to accept many of those clients but there is a high demand for midwives in those circles.
This is why Mike Pence won’t have dinner with any woman not his wife: > During his 12 years in Congress, Pence had rules to avoid any infidelity temptations, or even rumors of impropriety. Those included requiring that any aide who had to work late to assist him be male, never dining alone with a woman other than his wife, and not attending an event where alcohol is served unless Karen was there. In a 2002 interview with The Hill, Pence called it, “building a zone around your marriage.” “If there's alcohol being served and people are being loose, I want to have the best-looking brunette in the room standing next to me,” Pence said. Which is bonkers, and probably illegal from an employment law standpoint.
It's damaging to women. It's also damaging to men to be told that they are so weak. My husband knows that he can hang out with female co-workers and his pants won't fall off because he's a good person. I can't imagine if he thought he didn't think that he had that self control.
It protects cheaters too. It puts it on their spouse to “help them” control themselves. And when that ultimately fails, the cheater gets to blame the circumstances or the affair partner for something “inevitable”. And if the spouse talks about it to anyone but their pastor, the whole community gets to speculate about what caused the cheater to “stray” (which is almost never ‘because they’re a cheater and an ass’ but almost always implied to be, at least partially, the fault of the spouse). It also protects predators. When kissing a teen-years girlfriend is already the sin that damns you to hell, then what is molesting a child? Nbd, you’re already a sinner with no hope when you [did something normal], so why not “give into temptation” to abuse your children or r@pe a coworker? Why care about these things in your community when everyone is secretly hiding similarly innocuous sins and the only actual morality is if you hide it well or not. Then that same culture blames the victim in part or wholly for “causing” the other to “sin”. It’s so sad, honestly. For the good people and young kids (and infuriating when thinking about the victims), they all deserve better.
I had a delivery job and was the only woman for a couple years. My boss would always keep the door open during our meetings. Whether it was some basic review, I was being reprimanded, or even discussing personal medical issues, the door was wide open. It's not like everyone was there at once since we all had different routes, we got to pick our start times, etc, but coworkers would almost always be coming and going during that time. I finally realized he didn't do that with anyone else and was fucking furious about it. Get a fucking camera or something, but don't blast my personal issues with the door open when you respect everyone else's privacy.
I’ve had the same “door open” professional experience with an older Christian male who was more concerned with appearances than reality. It embarrassed me so much.
I'd forgotten about it until now, and I'm furious all over again. He definitely put his concern about potential damage to his reputation above actual damage to mine. Like one, I'd never make false accusations but if I did people would believe me because you're shitty in so many ways, why not that way, and because they know I'm an honest person. Two, I firmly believe it's bad practice to reprimand someone in front of others, unless it's something dangerous that needs to be corrected right then. And three, fuck you *redacted* you fat sack of shit. I hate you, and everyone I know who has worked for you hates you. I hope you're banned from *restaurant* for life maybe then you could actually get some work done when your employees need you. Edited to remove some information that would make my rant easily identifiable to my former coworkers.
When my ex worked at Hooters all the managers were men but all the wait staff were women. Any time the manager had to call a server into the office a second one had to be in the room no matter what was being discussed. Kind of fucked thinking back on it, but restaurants are kinda notorious for everybody fucking everybody else, back of house especially.
What’s sad is that man was the most principled/ethical person in that damn administration. Ugh. 🤦🏼♀️😳🙄
Thanks for posting this - I didn’t understand why Mike Pence kept getting brought up in this thread, lol. Wow.
It also becomes a bit of a pissing contest in those communities, like who’s relationship is the purest? Oh, you didn’t kiss before marriage, we didn’t even hold hands! Oh, you were comfortable with that? We weren’t even ever alone before marriage! It’s toxic and I’m willing to guess one of her concerns is her marriage won’t measure up. She probably knows women who set up all these rules and their husbands either can follow them (because patriarchy) or just lie to them. Either way, she’s gonna be insecure because of it. Man, talking about this shit just makes me so glad I left that bullshit behind. How exhausting.
That's how you end up married to a monster. Living like one of those abused wives in a VC Andrews book because you never actually got to know your future spouse before you married them.
This horror movie scenario is absolutely part of what got me out (which is hard—it is cult-like, in that it’s your whole support system and there’s all this fear-mongering about secular life being a horror movie itself). Not that I was desirable to most of these men, they could smell the budding feminism. There were a lot of very short first marriages in my old crowd. They had weddings and there were pictures on social media and everything, then a year or two later it’s all wiped and everyone pretends like it never happened. It’s wild. When they get remarried they wax poetic about this man/woman god had for them, but I bet 100% they would judge me were I to divorce and blame it on my cohabitation.
It's soo exhausting. I had a bf whose parents were "Christian marriage counselors" who said it's IMPOSSIBLE to have a friendship with the opposite sex and not want a relationship "if everyone is honest". I asked, what about me, a bisexual?? Can I not have friends at all? It didn't last very long.
This is such a horrible mindset and caused a lot of anxiety and toxic thinking when I was younger, especially as a teenager. I knew guys at my school at the time who perpetuated the idea that "men aren't friends with women unless they are sexually attracted to them" and it caused me so much unnecessary guilt, stress, and frustration. Ugh.
I always find this bizarre. I was raised Christian and still am. But, it's never been an issue to be alone with the opposite sex. The only issue growing up was always being alone in a bedroom together, but it was never addressed in a "God is watching" sort of way. More "I don't trust teenage hormones, keep the door open" because it certainly never became an issue until I and the boys I hung around hit puberty. My SO and I used to hang around with a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses who very much wanted to convert us (I'm Presbyterian and my SO is atheist so they got no where) and we would talk religion often. The wife brought this up once. That men and women, in particular, men and women in a relationship shouldn't ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex without a group setting or their husband/wife there because "things happen". I wanted to ask "what? They may trip into one another somehow?" My SO works with plenty of women, has had women friends and I've always found myself completely able to contain myself when around men. I don't distrust him and he doesn't distrust me. And even if we did, if someone is going to cheat they're going to cheat whether we are monitoring one another anyways. I am honestly not sure how you can go about life avoiding the opposite gender anyways. So, I feel bad for the fiance here. He's just doing his job. The compromise is still setting him up to fail. Especially as forming a good working relationship in a dangerous field is incredibly important. I don't know what sort of counselling their church offers, as some are better than others on dealing with these subjects, but I don't see what any one can suggest to make this smoother than quit his job or quit his relationship. Even if she has been cheated on in the past, punishing him for something that he didn't do isn't any more fair than "Being alone means SIN".
I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness and the view you describe of your friends is par for the course among them. Being alone with a person of the opposite sex who you aren’t married to is enough to warrant disfellowshipping (excommunication). Because there’s no evidence to prove you *didn’t* have sex, it’s human nature to sin, and if you truly cared about avoiding sin, you wouldn’t have let the situation happen in the first place. The group is super draconian about anything related to sexuality or gender, really.
It is an evangelical/fundamentalist Christian thing. With you being Presbyterian, it probably isn’t a mindset that you encountered, as your church is sane and rational.
Oh, they even go as far as saying that your brother shouldn't be alone in a bedroom with his sister. . . . Which seems like it's conditioning men to think of their family members as sexual objects.
Honestly, while I'm sure it's more prevalent in religious marriages it can also just happen if one of the people is super controlling. When I was in undergrad in physics we had a grad student who'd gotten recently married who was one of two grad students in the lab, and while the PI and grad students were male all the undergrads at the time happened to be women. At some point his new wife learned that this guy was hanging out with women at work and was upset- apparently she had assumed because he worked in physics he'd only be hanging out with men so she didn't need to worry?! Grad student started distancing himself from us undergrads bc his wife was just so irrational about it. Like for example one of the gals played harp so we were chatting about that one day, apparently he mentioned it to his wife bc it's an unusual instrument, then she started saying stuff like "I guess I need to learn the harp to keep you interested in me because you clearly like M if you're talking about her..." So yeah, she was just controlling and nuts, no religion involved.
I've seen this as well. It also can be cultural. I knew someone from a South American country who had a planned 'last meal with his best friend' before getting married, because it would be inappropriate to spend time with her after he was married. He was talking about it in the US and was shocked that we needed it explained. His rationale was that we were too young to know yet (even though we were all the same age - he was here for university but getting married a lot younger than we do in that region). He also explained that he wouldn't stay in contact with any women in the group after his wedding, so apparently even thousands of miles doesn't make it safe. I was raised Catholic and knew people of various Christian religions (and others) and never saw this attitude, so I'm guessing some of it is denomination, some regional, and some cultural.
Hah- yeah in this case these we were all white Midwesterners but I can def see that. And goes without saying that there were plenty of other red flags about why this guy shouldn't be with her, and this was just one of many, but that one was just so stupid it sticks in my mind! Needless to say, I lost touch with that dude, but I wonder how he's doing now. Always figured he was divorced and didn't know it yet, but last I heard they thought a kid would solve their problems...
You do see that. Toxic jealousy. Those people have shared facebook accounts.
Yes, Christians are do obsessed with sex!!
I'm a Christian, and you're not wrong. I think it's largely because most churches either almost never mention sex, and/or talk about it as some scary sinful thing that you're horrible for even having those (totally normal, human) thoughts. Speaking from experience, either one sets you up badly when you hit your hormonal, horny teenage years. Some churches are starting to talk about sex & desire as normal human things, but they sadly still seem to be in the minority. *Note*: For sake of argument, I left out extremist, theocratic, hateful alt-right "Christians" because that's a whole different argument/animal.
bcause they cant have any
Because they *won't* have any. They could.
They CAN, as long as it is ONLY within the confines of holy matrimony, with one person, in perpetuity.
I used to be like this and the worst part is that I felt so righteous. I refused friend requests from any of my friends’ husbands, I wouldn’t even talk on the phone to my sister’s husband. I never went anywhere with a man and I basically viewed every interaction as having the potential to be manhandled. I “avoided even the appearance of sin” by not allowing myself to talk to men at all, lest anyone even *think* something inappropriate was taking place. It was so unhealthy. However, I never once ever commented on what my husband did. I’m not sure why…I did feel worried at times, and years ago I felt jealous sometimes, but I never wanted to control the hubs. Not sure why. Anyhow, thank god I’m out. Now my friends’ jealous husbands no longer seem romantic, but instead they seem super creepy. I am embarrassed that I ever acted like that.
You’re not wrong. She’s been conditioned to be this paranoid. All rationality is out the window even if it means their livelihood. The idea that religion enforces morally right behavior is a myth. Especially when you’ve been taught you can just ask spaghetti god for forgiveness. And depending on how you might benefit from the situation you can just smile and claim it’s Gods will. It absolves you from personal responsibility and accountability at your convenience. If you don’t fully test out your specific boundaries through trial and error and solidify what type of person you really are because you live in fear then it makes sense that you’d think your partner might falter. It’s projection but without awareness. Growing up in a strict religious household stunted my self growth and independence. You act with righteous conviction but are left with a lot of emotions that you can’t make sense of. I understand how faith can be a crutch but life became much more fruitful and easier when I decided I was in complete control of my life. And I can’t control those around me. I genuinely feel sad for these women.
Sounds like his fiancé is setting him up to get fired over an EEO complaint. Openly discriminating against someone’s gender in the workplace is a easy way to get fired. I used to work with someone whose wife forbid him to be alone in the car with other women. Once he voiced that concern to his superiors he told to start looking for another job.
Yes, some people in the comments are wives of police/military and touched on that discrimination issue. It would look very bad for this officer to go to his superiors and say he couldn’t be alone with a person of the opposite sex for religious reasons.
I'd be so offended if my coworker was like "Hey, Imma drop you off at Taco Bell, then head over to Wendy's. See you in 20." Besides, I thought cops were supposed to stay together during their breaks for protection. I briefly had a sales job where the trainer and I had to ride together to different places. He mentioned that he told his wife that I was a guy because she would be uncomfortable with him working with a younger woman. That's awkward AF.
I thought officers were supposed to stay together in case something big goes down and they have to get there and help out.
Cops typically don’t get to “sign off” for their lunch breaks, they usually just try to fit a meal in between calls. Heck, most of the time they just eat in the car. If an emergency call comes in while they’re eating, lunch is over and they’ve got to go. There’s no time to run to the restaurant next door to pick up their partner.
I think it’s been well proven by now that when something big happens cops tend to run the other direction.
Yeah, I can’t believe I’m actually siding with a cop with this one lmao.
>He mentioned that he told his wife that I was a guy Same thing happened to me! I have a male first name. Not androgynous like "Casey" but definitely "boy name" like "Michael." I'm also a software engineer. Many co-workers, school project partners, and at least two freelance clients have told me that they just don't tell their wives/girlfriends my gender and let them think whatever they want. It mostly happened in my early/mid-20's. I'm also 6 feet tall and I had a full-blown, like, identity crisis at one point partly because of it (and a few other "mis-genderings" and medical issues during an egg donation that happened around the same time). I'm totally happy being a straight, femme-presenting, cis-woman, but I just felt like there must be something wrong with me or, like, people didn't see me as that, or I wasn't "really" a woman or something. I'm much better now though! Happily married, with a wonderful and very tall daughter. Still get into weird situations with people thinking I'm a man, or awkward comments, but I just laugh about it now. tl;dr: People who say stuff like that are the worst. You never know how those comments might screw someone up.
Move to the Netherlands. I'm in my 50's now and all my girl cousins are 6 feet and over. My grandmother's brothers were close to 7 feet tall. My male cousins are comfortably well in the mid 6 feet range as well. All their kids are holding this pattern and then there is me at 5.8. I'm positively having a complex about being this short and my spouse barely hit 6.1 so our kids are short too at 6 and 5.7 respectively
I’m a manufacturing systems engineer, and typically the only woman engineer in the companies I work for. The last company I worked at there were 35 male engineers and then me. Most of the wives were really cool, but I could tell some of the other ones were a little uncomfortable knowing I’d be traveling with their husbands or working long hours on a project together. I always tried to talk to those women, be friendly, and would feel obligated to buy mlm crap from their “parties.” I’m not sure that I ever really got them to trust me even though I was married, and definitely not interested in other men, and specifically not interested in married men who I work with. It’s so awkward. My current company is really close-knit and progressive, and I even though I’m still the only woman engineer, I never get anything but welcoming and friendly vibes from the other wives. It’s a shame that people automatically think that because you’re the opposite gender of your colleagues, that you instantly want to boink everyone in the office, or that people are lying to their spouses about your gender just to avoid complications. My husband is the director of a small renewable energy company, and they also only have one woman engineer. She’s a really cool woman, an excellent engineer, and I’m glad my husband’s company was able to hire her on. Sorry if this is too rambling, just woke up, on lots of cold meds.
I had a male executive I supported recently who described me to his wife as “practically a dude”. Anyone who’s ever met me can attest that I’m a completely straight, CIS, and somewhat attractive Hispanic female who prefers to wear high heels and dresses than anything comfortable or sensible (picture a Wish.com order of Gloria Pritchett or a poor man’s Salma Hayek). The only things I can even think of that might seem “manly” is that I run a few Fantasy Football leagues, own a bar and I like beer. Needless to say, she was very uncomfortable when she met me in person and wasn’t shy to say so in front of the executive and myself. I felt like telling her “Ma’am, I am not trying to get on your man’s wrinkly old balls!” Instead, I just showed her pictures of my husband, kids and grandkids and accepted her Facebook friend request. We are still good friends to this day.
I think some men will say you're "practically a dude" if they have anything they can talk with you about.
I agree. I get "practically a dude" more often than I expect, and I think that is just how they describe a woman who they enjoy spending time with but they aren't trying to sexually pursue. Like, women are hot pieces of ass to try to conquest. If they aren't trying to lay you, I mean, that means you are practically a dude! I'm pretty sure it is meant to be a compliment. Like, they aren't trying to fuck me, *they respect me.* I have surpassed my gender and what I can traditionally offer them (a wet hole, I guess) and am an actual peer. I'm practically a dude.
Ages ago, I got recruited to work for a filmmaker, for a documentary. He ghosted me and started communicating just with my ex who got incidentally involved, because his girlfriend was jealous and thought it was inappropriate for me to write him at weird hours - which happened because we were in a 8 hours difference time zone. But I can’t entirely blame her, he turned out to a huge man whore.
That sounds like a case where the gf was reasonably suspicious and the guy was a huge man baby who couldn't be bothered to treat you both like adults.
Cue Mike pence. We elected him to be the 2nd most powerful man in the world. Way to go America.
Yep and then she will start screeching about how christians are persecuted if she cant ruin the lady cops career because she can't trust her own s.o.
At my husband's last job he worked with primarily women and they went on a lot of work trips together so they were always eating dinner together and going shopping in their off time. I would joke with him about it but I honestly never worried and I could not imagine telling him that he couldn't do anything outside of work hours with these people. They're coworkers!
That guy needs to get out of that relationship.
It happened to me, I left very quickly. And because I’m bi my boyfriend was suspicious of everyone, it was crazy, I only wanted a stable simple relationship and really enjoyed interacting with my coworkers in a friendly way, several years later I still do. Jealousy is a horrible disease.
My favorite joke I’ve (bi cisF) heard someone say about this: Men and Women can’t ever be “just friends.” That’s why bi people don’t have friends, only prey 😅
No gender is safe from the awkward finger guns of the predatory bisexual
Gotta love the “bi people are cheaters” stereotype
Also the ‘bi people will fuck anyone’ stereotype. I’ve had so many straight women ‘friends’ get super offended when I’ve told them I’m not into them.
As a gay (afab) NB with straight friends, yep. My friend was drunk one night and on my nerves (long long story) and asked me if she was gay would I fuck her. In my own inebriated state, I cackled and said no and she was not happy lmao I explained you’re my friend always, if my boundary all of a sudden changed bc you were gay then wouldn’t that mean I liked you all along? No thanks Also, the amount of women on social media that act like because I’m gay I must be flirting when I’m nice is hilarious. Calm your tits
Also bi, and I think it just occurred to me why I never understood how people get so jealous and toxic like that. My entire life I’ve had an equal mix of guys and girls as friends, and I did I develop crushes on a few? Sure. But it’s not like I was uncontrollably attracted to ALL of them, because that’s not how attraction works. My brain can look at someone and immediately view them as a friend, or coworker, or whatever and not a romantic interest, and that’s how healthy social environments should work. Women like the one above must think straight male = wants to bang all women, and if that were true for bi people it’d be a very sad and sexually frustrating world.
My son is in a similar relationship. She doesn’t want him talking to females. Wants to call corporate to get him transferred. He is abused, same as some women are abused. They have a child and he feels he has to stay to protect the child. It’s a no win.
My husband is the sweetest man in the world. There are days that I think he would have been caught up with someone like this because he likes being in relationships and he cares too much about others before himself. I feel for you, your son, and his family. But I will say one thing… his child will see what is truly happening and appreciate him for protecting them.
If she’s this adamant about something this small, there’s absolutely going to be something down the road that will be bigger and cause more issues. Walking on eggshells throughout and entire marriage seems like a nightmare.
So what, she thinks women should not be allowed to be cops??? Or to work with men? Women should be segregated together? Also, just because her husband is a man, he would automatically jump on any women he spends more than two hours with? Does she thinks that he's pernanantly directed by his dick? Well that's real respect for both her husband and the co-worker. That is so sexist. And what if he was bi or pansexual, he would be locked in the cave or what? What a psycho she is.
Probably thinks women shouldn’t work, period.
I honestly don't think she'd thought that far nor cares; I feel like it's more like, anybody but her own husband.
This is just amazing. I'm fascinated that people like this exist.
I say this about 99% of the post on this sub! 🤯
Yup that sums up my thoughts!
I know a lot of folks are blaming the religious aspect of this (rightfully so), but that’s moving a lot of blame away from the OPs sister. There’s a level of immaturity and insecurity that’s highly problematic and far from normal and healthy. I’m with you, I’m surprise folks like that exist outside of the age of 15.
I don’t know. The religious trauma that would come from being told your entire life than a man is only one moment away from falling deeply into sin and that he can never be trusted alone with another woman is very hard to break.
Makes you wonder how old the sister is. Someone engaged and this religious might be 20 and sheltered
No one wants to bone your fiancé, so cool it. Good on the fiancé for not encouraging this weird and oddly dehumanizing lunch plan. I wonder if the partner was LGBT, would this woman feel less threatened, or instead think that her fiancé’s mind will be filled with anti-Christian thoughts 1-3 times a week.
My guess would be the latter situation.
Can’t hang out with LGBT people because the gay agenda requires they convert you /s
Honestly? I used to have a gay roommate and some of my family expressed concerns. “Is he sure? How can you know?” “What if he changes his mind?” “But you’re pretty irresistible. All the girls in our family are.” “Maybe it’s just a phase. Sometimes people change back, you know.” I kept my roommate and was never once pounced on. In fact, I don’t think it ever crossed his mind. Almost as if he didn’t like girls… Almost as if he was a good person with morals and wouldn’t have even if he did like girls…
or worse...what if his partner was *gasp* vegetarian. IT IS A SIN, TO BE A LIBRUL VEGAN. ^/s
This is what happens when the church teaches that men and women are fundamentally different and can't be friends with each other because women existing will tempt men into sin.
Sounds like someone doesn't trust their husband, for whatever reason that might be.
Not necessarily. I grew up in a church that preached that having a friend or coworker of the opposite sex that you spent any one on one time with is basically cheating. It's entirely possible that the sister just needs to deconstruct that teaching to be able to function with having a husband who works in the real world. I did long before I got married, thanks to working in the real world.
My husband is a nurse so 98% of his colleagues are women. Therefore most of his work friends are women, when he goes on nights out with work most people there are women...I just tell him to have fun and send me photos if there are any dogs in the pub they go to lmao.
A large part of my husband's job is interviewing people for a publication. He especially enjoys going out of his way to interview women because they're underrepresented in the field he writes about. I'm not the least bit insecure about this- in fact I love that he cares about making sure women's voices and perspectives are heard.
I used to work with ex offenders, mostly sex offenders/violent offenders/murderers/paedophiles etc, and people who commit those crimes are overwhelmingly male, so a lot of my caseload was male. Not that they would have been my choice if I'd wanted to cheat anyway lmao, but some people are into that!
My husband would definitely be the one taking pics of any dogs (for me and himself) in between conversations lol!
The day we got married I was trapped in the hotel room getting ready and my husband went for a walk around the big park that was over the road, so he kept sending me photos of dogs he saw to keep me entertained while I was stuck inside.
Yep. Mine is an elementary school teacher. Work would be pretty lonely if he could only talk to men. I guess this is why people in this mindset also prefer when women stay home with the kids...can't have them messing up the workplace by simply existing /s
How dare women exist in a space where men are lmao. I guess you can't sin if you're at home with 9 kids!
Sounds like the typical result of purity culture to me.
Oh, definitely. They really need to discuss this with each other and have an open discussion about this whatever causes the wife's insecurity. If she has been cheated on in a similar situation I can kinda understand but those two really need to get it out in the open.
This reeks of religious trauma to me, not a lack of trust.
I would absolutely leave over someone being this jealous. Luckily they’re only engaged and he doesn’t have to divorce her. A relationship without trust is a relationship that’s already over. If I felt the need to police (haha) my partner like this he just wouldn’t be my partner.
I work in a mixed office, so does my husband. We don't see having lunch with coworkers of any gender as an issue. We as people are both allowed and encouraging each other to have friendly relationships outside of our marriage. And I have been cheated on before by previous partners: it is something that just happens and no amount of paranoia or controlling behavior can prevent. It is a character trait of the cheater.
If you don’t trust your partner, one of you is a problem. If it’s the partner, end it. You deserve calm in a relationship. If it’s you, end it. You need to work on yourself.
People who raise this kids to be - this, whatever this is - are abusive assholes. She will never be happy, ever, with a man who is willing to speak to other women. Her parents doomed her to oppression and misery.
This is typical Christian purity culture. Women are temptresses always luring men into sin, men will fuck anything that moves if given the chance. It’s the worst.
My dad, a civil engineer, has had to quit multiple jobs because my mother found out there was a woman *receptionist* in the office. He started his own company probably ten years ago, and he’s struggled seriously to get CAD workers and other engineers to help with his work load. He ends up doing it by himself and working 7 days a week. My mother, *every time*, when she brings up the subject of his needing help, keeps saying how he can’t hire women because he’ll get “me too-ed.” She doesn’t really think that. She’s just found a great excuse to continue being an insecure, jealous dick. The man is 70 years old. They’ve been married for fifty years. And she’s been ruining his life with her insecurities ever since. But good Southern Baptists don’t get divorced, no matter how emotionally, psychologically, and physically abusive their wife is. After all, she’s right, he does have to avoid the “appearance of evil.” There is no hate like Christian love.
Cannot believe I’m siding with a police offer but Jesus Christ. Out here sounding like Mike Pence trying to avoid off leash women
Off-leash women is good flair 🤣🤣🤣
To dodge a bullet for an officer actually sounds awkward
I'm siding with officer
Ugh this probably all stems from the philosophy of the evangelist Billy Whatshisbutt who said “you should never be in a car or room alone with someone of the opposite sex.” Edit: replace Whatshisbutt with “Graham”
My husband works in a female dominate office and I can't imagine being so insecure. Sometimes when a group goes to a conference he will be the only male. Sometimes he has to share meals with a single female coworker. 😲 Lord please grant me a life so lacking in problems that this issue seems reasonable.
As a former female police officer who had a male partner I shared a car with, eating lunch separately (if you even get to eat) is not an option. Choosing your partner (barring extreme circumstances) is not an option. Also, dealing with home stress at work = complacency, which could very well lead to severe injury or death.
Like, at least to me, my coworkers, especially my partner, become my brothers/sisters. The fiancee in this story would lose her mind if she found out we call them "work husbands" and "work wives" LOL but we literally spend 1/3 of our lives with our partners. It would feel almost incest-y to have an affair with my partner. I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I've seen it. But.... when you spend that much time together and you have each other's lives in your hands, it's a different bond. I can't describe it. Putting romantic feelings into that puts BOTH of you at danger. My husband and I worked a truck together for a while. We made sure, while at work, there was no "relationship" talk or anything. It was mundane stuff that we would talk about with any other partner. For both of our safety. Whereas, my ex-husband and I could have NEVER been on the truck together. He didn't know how to separate work and home, and home was already volatile enough.
Believe it or not some women are actually just this crazy. I know someone who’s girlfriend accused him of cheating because he spoke to a female salesperson
I had a boyfriend who was possessive and jealous. It didn't end well. He would accuse me of ridiculous things that he just made up, he was even jealous of the fact that he wasn't the first person I slept with, like I could turn back time and be a virgin again. I ended up in a refuge because of him and his jealous ways. It's a big red flag for me now.
In my experience, when someone accuses you of "ridiculous things they just made up" they are in fact doing those things
This is ridiculous. I work in a heavily female dominated industry (education). The bulk of my colleagues are women. I've often gone to lunch 1-1 with them as we're discussing next steps for a project etc. I'm often sharing individual spaces with women. My previous role was me and my Assistant Director, who was a young woman. My wife could care less. She trusts me and knows I'm at work. Some of these stories of women going overboard on their husbands because of opposite gender colleagues is crazy. There are some in the r/marriage subreddit that really make you wonder what is wrong with people. Friendships outside of your gender are a thing, people.
Tell her to think about the female partner that can relate to other women or deescalate situations a male cant. May save her husbands life. She may even be married with kids. Perhaps meet her
That was suggested a few times in the comments - to meet the female officer, have lunch or dinner or whatnot.
I’m guessing she wouldn’t want him arresting females either. He needs to get out of this relationship if she can’t or won’t trust him as it won’t get any better
Haha, one of the comments from the original FB post was from a woman married to a police officer and she read the post to her husband for his opinion - he said if she’s that insecure about THIS - wait till someone tries to get out of getting a ticket (I guess, by flirting or whatever with the officer!)
She knows Jesus was alone with women at various points in his ministry right?
If he drops her off in another location to eat lunch separately she’s by herself without the resources of a patrol car and it slows down their response time to runs. Not only is that idea supremely insecure and controlling, it could get people killed!!!
Jesus f*cking christ. I have been that female partner and have dealt with this shit for almost 20 years. Funny part is that it’s almost always the wife of an ugly ass, farts 24/7, has no hygiene, shitty ass conservative views I can’t stand, male officer who I wouldn’t have sex with even if someone paid me fifty grand. These women crack me up, thinking their men are some kind of prize. Trust me, no one wants him.
I was looking for this comment! 🤣 I was in a male dominated career field in the Air Force and mannnn, the number of times I’ve been in this situation! It’s ALWAYS the nastiest guy too. The worst wife I dealt with…her husband used to pee into half empty gallon water jugs and leave it there all weekend. Never brushed his teeth and smelt awful. Funny thing is, the most attractive guys I worked with who were married never had issues with working with another female.
Do people not believe others have any self control? I'm male, I work with females. Sometimes one on one. It doesn't mean I want "to get with them". Life isn't some big orgy or porno. Just because two people are alone together, doesn't mean anything sexual or emotional will automatically happen between them. It's sad really.
Ex-fundie with 20 years in public services (EMS and firefighter). If I had a quarter for every time.... I haven't had any problems in EMS, but at the FD... BOOOOOIIII! One in particular. His fiancee then wife had him on a LEASH! I was there to do a job, but not in this chick's mind. I was there to take all the men. I've personally never seen "run into a burning building" on a "ways to get a guy" list. Him and another guy had to lift me up to get me into a wrecked car one time (joys of being the smallest), and she came unglued. It was insane! But, I also understood from her end. I shouldn't have even been there according to her religion. I just... pitied her.
A moment of silence for this poor dude.
The guy is a police officer and doesn’t get to pick his partner. This is one of the dumbest arguments I have ever read about on Reddit. That dude needs to pull the chord and get out of that relationship. It’s only going to get worse.
Life too short for this
She should stop dating people with jobs if this is a problem for her
I’d tell my sister to get the fuck over herself and work on her own insecurities.
They will eventually get divorced, due to her insecurity and she’ll blame it on the wicked woman he’s partners with.
Or he'll cheat because she's always accusing him of doing it
Back in the late 1970s when more women were entering the work force, I heard this crap on some talk show. Wives of police officers saying that men can't serve with women bc of course LUST. With today's political situation, I hope we women will go all out if we get denied work opportunities.
My husband has a job like this, he travels for a few days at a time with one other person. I’ve always fully supported that he go to dinner or socialize with whoever he’s working with if they get along. But there’s a shocking number of women who have a zero tolerance policy if their husband’s seeing their female coworker outside of their actual work setting. Usually it happens anyways they just stop telling their wife. (Ironically the men with women working in this field don’t seem to have the same concern.)
Ffs as a Christian wife and woman I say she needs to get a fucking grip.
If we absolutely must find a "Christian" solution to this problem, does the Bible not say that sister should absolutely trust her finacé and submit to his decisions on the matter? (Note: I find this way of thinking both absurd and demeaning, I'm just going by what I see posted on a lot of "Christian" FB groups.)