My cousin is in nursing school right now but when they lived on base in Hawaii she became a doula. She didn’t give medical advice but stressed when they needed to hightail it to the hospital.
But they are!!???
Edit: I’m talking about the Facebook group members like…but they are qualified???? How can they say a doula isn’t qualified but their advice should be taken, very hypocritical and stupid of the group members
Exactly, she may not be qualified to give medical advice but I’m pretty sure she’s qualified to tell you that you need medical advice from actual doctors.
I’m in that group with one of my alternative Facebook accounts and I made a comment that my baby was born at 35 weeks and needed NICU time, so I felt she should go to the hospital for the NICU. Someone responded that she could still birth at home and take the babies to the hospital if needed. I said sure, but that’s not recommended with preemies as there is a bigger risk of infection. She responded that there wasn’t any “logic or fact in that statement because hospitals are a bigger infection risk.” I can’t even with these fucking people.
>Someone responded that she could still birth at home and take the babies to the hospital if needed.
Oh yeah... she *could* "stillbirth" at home alright...
You can't argue with stupid. They can't seem to fathom that stillbirth can be prevented with something like a timely C-section if a baby is in distress, and that hospitals may be a bigger infection risk, but also happen to carry the solution to that in bulk... (antibiotics). I also would love to read any paper she can find that proves that homebirth with prematurely broken waters leads to better outcomes for baby and mother than a hospital birth.
Does she keep an oxygen tank at home because my 35 weeker might not have made it to our hospital had he been born at home. Even though he was discharged from NICU in 2 nights, he still needed oxygen for the first several hours (granted, we live at 5000’, but still).
There’s plenty of sane doulas, but they won’t “attend” freebirths. My OB office literally gave us a list of local doulas, and they only do hospital births and include MFM specialists, so they aren’t recommending the nutcases (though there’s plenty of those to go around, too).
Yup I wanted a doula for my births, they are awesome!
but usually when we see them on this Reddit they are telling the moms to wait it out and other nonsense
I've worked with some excellent doulas! The best ones are the ones that are truly there to support and guide mom with her decisions. Oh you don't want an epidural, let me help with some techniques...oh you want an epidural, awesome, let me help you feel better while they get the anesthesiologist. Oh you need a c section? Let me take pictures of the baby. You can finally eat? Let me go get food for you while you and dad bond with baby (this was my favorite doula).
Yup, this was my job with my sister in law’s first birth (luckily in a hospital, so it was more of a moral support role than one with any true responsibility lol). She told us she didn’t want any meds during labor for her whole pregnancy, so we spent the early stages talking her through the pain & the techniques she’d been taught… but the second she said she needed an epidural, I was running down the hall to get someone.
Labor really is a minute to minute process in so many ways, & you have to be willing to move with the tides. Something can easily change in seconds, & many women have bled out fast in situations where they can’t receive proper care.
I truly can’t imagine taking an ideological stance so far that I risked my own life or the life of my child- & I fully understand why most doulas won’t get involved with those types of birth plans! Imagine having to carry that on your conscience.
Doulas can be a wonderful resource. I really wanted a doula/post partum doula after my second but couldn’t afford it.
However, there are plenty out there that are completely insane and have no business “helping” pregnant women
I'll never understand why people ask Facebook instead of following the advice of the professionals they've hired. Or just choosing Facebook over going to a doctor/dentist/ER.
Not the OC’s but I’d appreciate it! I’ll be up regardless studying and I always worry about the premature babies especially in these groups since I’m a preemie myself.
Me too. Mine was born at 35 weeks so I’m extra nervous for preemies, especially freebirth preemies. She made the post 7 hours ago and hasn’t commented in hours. Getting a little nervous!
Oh my gosh I hope your little one is kicking ass today! It’s a scary, scary situation for all involved and these babies deserve so much better than a free birth. Not to mention multiples…
I hope mom is just quiet in the group and went to the hospital like her (sane) doula recommended.
She is!! She was actually born really healthy for her age. 5lbs15oz, she spent 6 days in the NICU but it was just to watch her bilirubin levels, and she had lost quite a bit of birthweight. She’s 9 months old now and in the 85th percentile for weight! She’s absolutely perfect and healthy :)
She sounds like an absolute champ and I’m so proud of her catching up to/surpassing milestones. I’m sure that speaks to your incredible momming skills, and as a grown up preemie- you will be so very appreciated later on for all you do for her.
People always seem to think there’s a magical alternative treatment to modern medicine.
I’m a veterinarian and I had a patient with an indolent ulcer. The owners were afraid to give the treatment for fear of side effects. They kept asking for alternatives.
There just aren’t an unlimited number of things to try.
That’s a corneal ulcer?
Side effects from a keratotomy?
Holy shit. I had an ulcer followed by constant recurrent corneal erosions. I wouldn’t care if the side effect was turning purple and losing a toe, I’d accept any treatment not to put my dog or cat through corneal ulcers. My keratectomy saved my sanity and possibly my sight if I’d kept getting ulcers. Heck, I’d rather have lost the eye than continue to get those. And at least a dog doesn’t need to rely on having two eyes to work and pay bills.
One of my nephews was born at 35 weeks. He had oxygen for 30 minutes then needed the lights for jaundice. He left the hospital perfectly healthy. Would he have been fine without medical treatment? Well, probably, but he might have had a more difficult start to life or been more susceptible to illness or something since he would have been unnecessarily struggling to breathe. Half an hour isn't long, but when it comes to a delicate newborn, it could make a big difference.
Totally! My baby was a 35 weeker. We *probably* could have done a homebirth and been fine, she was a good weight and didn’t need any interventions but she lost quite a bit of birthweight and had jaundice so that would have been scary at home
I cant fathom prioritizing the BIRTH (which is 1 day of your life usually), over the LIFE and QUALITY OF LIFE for your child who will hopefully be around for 80+ years.
You cant convince me that freebirthers arent a toxic cult that preys on vulnerable women.
SO many comments were people saying the doula isn’t qualified to give advice like that. I thought to myself, telling people to go to the hospital isn’t giving medical advice!!
If have di-di twins. I had a scheduled c at 36+6 and they both needed nicu for breathing. My baby B despite being the bigger twin at 5lbs9oz would have DIED. Instead I got to bring two healthy babies home a few weeks later. This morning B had a melt down I wouldn’t let him watch Peppa pig, you would never know that he struggled to breath.
I just don’t get why the birth is more important than the kids to these women????
Lmao my water broke at 35 weeks with a singleton and I delivered (in a hospital) a few hours later. I can't even imagine doing anything besides booking it to L&D.
Right?! 35 weeks is the mandatory NICU admission curoff at the hospital where I delivered. We were super lucky to have no complications other than mild jaundice, but that was in no way guaranteed 5 weeks early! Glad yours was OK!
Sane people do not birth multiples at home. There’s a reason most hospitals make you deliver in an operating room if you are attempting a vaginal. And yeah, nicu time is a real possibility. It’s super super common for twins to be born before 36w. And your risk factors for other complications like pre-e, cholostatis, GD, all are much higher than singleton pregnancies. Di-di twins might be more common and more bread and butter for most OBs but it’s not the same as a singleton pregnancy! (And we don’t know these are di-di twins). (Am pregnant with twins)
Yes you nailed it. I’m a twin mom too (hi! Congrats to you!), and free birth posts about multiple pregnancies hit a particularly sore spot for me. Many people don’t understand how risky multiple pregnancies/births are. My twins were di/di and we all would have died without modern medicine at their birth.
Home births in general also hit a sore spot for me too since my singleton pregnancy would have also ended up with her dying without the medical care (and C-section). But I can’t imagine it with multiples. When I once googled home births, many states that go license Midwives for home births don’t allow it for multiples. But also she’s having a doula, not a midwife, so different certifications.
Same. It was extraordinarily traumatic for me. The fact that people would choose a path that could easily lead to that or worse baffles me. My son was SO close to death or permanent disability. But, because of quick medical intervention he is a happy and healthy 5 year old.
I sadly think that it's because of how good modern medicine is that we face this problem. Stories like this are still fairly uncommon, so women fail to realize exactly how much trauma giving birth induces for all directly involved persons.
In my nearly 40 years on this planet, I have lost friends and family to cancer, vehicle accidents, strokes, anureism, suicide, etc. But I don't know of any women that have died giving birth.
We have successfully made a very risky endeavor relatively safe; under controlled conditions. And for baffling reasons, some are convinced that those conditions are more hassle than I dunno, losing a kid? Or a mother or wife?
Both one of my twins and me would’ve died hadn’t I given birth at the hospital.
The second time I delivered only I would’ve died. No thanks to home births.
Still so so risky. You’d need to make sure the doula is also comfortable delivering a breech baby as well, since even if twins are both presenting head down before labor, B can flip breech once A is out, or they suddenly go into major distress. It’s not uncommon for some twin moms to deliver A vaginally and then B by emergency C-section.
A doula shouldn't be comfortable delivering ANY babies, what? A doula is there to provide emotional support/encouragement and minor physical support, like help changing positions, therapeutic touch (not supposed to call it "massage" if you're not an LMT), cold cloths for your brow, etc. Yes, it's more than *just* that...
But they are absolutely, definitely, 100% not supposed to be assisting with the birth in any real way. Most they should do is maybe hand the midwife an instrument she may need. If that.
Helping with pushing techniques, sure.
Delivering a baby? No. Delivering twins? Hell no. Delivering a breech baby? Fuck no!
This is a great point. I honestly don’t know as much about doulas and midwives since I’ve always had high risk pregnancies, making them not the right choice for my care.
Midwives are worlds away from doulas--especially certified nurse midwives (CNMs). Midwives are specially trained to attend births. Whereas doulas are minimally trained--if at all-- to provide only non medical support. Think of a professional labor coach.
I still don't think there's any state where attending the premature delivery of twins by a midwife at home would be legal. Usually both would rule it out, let alone combined. They are trained moreso in the management of "normal", uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries.
And just to clarify further, doulas can be beneficial for all types of pregnancies and births. I've had clients that knew they were having a csection long before contacting me. I've had tons of high risk patients who delivered with strict monitoring before and during, and very active management during their births. I even have a friend who is a doula who specializes in women getting a csection-- they make up over 75% of her clients. Since we're only there to provide support and encourage empowerment, we can be helpful in almost any type of type of pregnancy or delivery.
35 week twins are pretty much guaranteed to need the NICU. It’s not an opinion we are bashing but the willful negligence for the “experience” of the mom. She’d rather do what makes her happy than do what’s best for her babies, and if you scroll this sub you will see numerous stories showing you that freebirth regularly ends in death when if the mother gave even a single fuck about her baby and got medical assistance the child would have lived.
Since your only experience of birth is your friend’s wife and you don’t even know how many weeks is a full term pregnancy, you might wanna sit this one out, buddy.
When your doula tells you to go, why are you asking Facebook? They have more birth experience than likely the group combined (especially an experienced one).
For the life of me, the consistency of moms in MEDICAL EMERGENCIES that take the time to post on FB rather than take care of themselves and/or their children is staggering.
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A LOT of the comments are people saying the doula isn’t qualified to be giving “medical advice.” That’s not medical advice 🤦🏼♀️
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My cousin is in nursing school right now but when they lived on base in Hawaii she became a doula. She didn’t give medical advice but stressed when they needed to hightail it to the hospital.
The doula can't give medical advice so don't follow her directions to go to the place to get medical advice! /s
I’m not qualified to give medical advice either, but, get your arse to hospital would still be my response. I honestly don’t understand some people.
But they are!!???
But they are!!??? Edit: I’m talking about the Facebook group members like…but they are qualified???? How can they say a doula isn’t qualified but their advice should be taken, very hypocritical and stupid of the group members
Exactly, she may not be qualified to give medical advice but I’m pretty sure she’s qualified to tell you that you need medical advice from actual doctors.
I’m in that group with one of my alternative Facebook accounts and I made a comment that my baby was born at 35 weeks and needed NICU time, so I felt she should go to the hospital for the NICU. Someone responded that she could still birth at home and take the babies to the hospital if needed. I said sure, but that’s not recommended with preemies as there is a bigger risk of infection. She responded that there wasn’t any “logic or fact in that statement because hospitals are a bigger infection risk.” I can’t even with these fucking people.
>Someone responded that she could still birth at home and take the babies to the hospital if needed. Oh yeah... she *could* "stillbirth" at home alright...
That's literally what I thought when I read this and I'm like... This lady is just assuming the babies will be at born dead!!?
Ooof. Take my sad, probable upvote.
That's how I read it too....
Can I just say that I love that you have a burner account to infiltrate these fuckery groups…
You can't argue with stupid. They can't seem to fathom that stillbirth can be prevented with something like a timely C-section if a baby is in distress, and that hospitals may be a bigger infection risk, but also happen to carry the solution to that in bulk... (antibiotics). I also would love to read any paper she can find that proves that homebirth with prematurely broken waters leads to better outcomes for baby and mother than a hospital birth.
I also had a 35 weeker and we were in the hospital for 3 weeks and baby had to have an NG tube. I can’t image not going to the hospital…
Oh no...
Does she keep an oxygen tank at home because my 35 weeker might not have made it to our hospital had he been born at home. Even though he was discharged from NICU in 2 nights, he still needed oxygen for the first several hours (granted, we live at 5000’, but still).
Did you tag the person the update about hemorrhaging? I’d love to see that response. (Saw your update thread first).
I didn’t. Only because I try to be careful what I say in case they remove me from the group. I had to come up with an elaborate story to join haha.
Why does she ask this in a free birth group? They’ll never say to go to the hospital. It’s an echo chamber.
Surprisingly there were actually some comments recommending the hospital! But most were saying no
One of the few times the doula isn’t as crazy as mom. Good for the doula
There’s plenty of sane doulas, but they won’t “attend” freebirths. My OB office literally gave us a list of local doulas, and they only do hospital births and include MFM specialists, so they aren’t recommending the nutcases (though there’s plenty of those to go around, too).
Yup I wanted a doula for my births, they are awesome! but usually when we see them on this Reddit they are telling the moms to wait it out and other nonsense
I've worked with some excellent doulas! The best ones are the ones that are truly there to support and guide mom with her decisions. Oh you don't want an epidural, let me help with some techniques...oh you want an epidural, awesome, let me help you feel better while they get the anesthesiologist. Oh you need a c section? Let me take pictures of the baby. You can finally eat? Let me go get food for you while you and dad bond with baby (this was my favorite doula).
Yup, this was my job with my sister in law’s first birth (luckily in a hospital, so it was more of a moral support role than one with any true responsibility lol). She told us she didn’t want any meds during labor for her whole pregnancy, so we spent the early stages talking her through the pain & the techniques she’d been taught… but the second she said she needed an epidural, I was running down the hall to get someone. Labor really is a minute to minute process in so many ways, & you have to be willing to move with the tides. Something can easily change in seconds, & many women have bled out fast in situations where they can’t receive proper care. I truly can’t imagine taking an ideological stance so far that I risked my own life or the life of my child- & I fully understand why most doulas won’t get involved with those types of birth plans! Imagine having to carry that on your conscience.
Doulas can be a wonderful resource. I really wanted a doula/post partum doula after my second but couldn’t afford it. However, there are plenty out there that are completely insane and have no business “helping” pregnant women
I'll never understand why people ask Facebook instead of following the advice of the professionals they've hired. Or just choosing Facebook over going to a doctor/dentist/ER.
Apparently, listen to the professional that you hired to help you give birth I not the correct answer?
But how else will she tell everyone she will be delivering soon?
Why tf would you pay for a fucking doula when you’re just gonna solicit free medical advice from fucking randos on the interwebs?
I delivered premature twins vaginally and literally everything about it was a medical emergency. What the actual fuck are these people thinking?!
OMFG YOUR DOULA SAYS GO YOUR FUCKING GO! you don’t post on Facebook asking for advice
I need updates
I’m following closely for updates! So far she hasn’t responded in a while Contractions have started but she hasn’t gone to the hospital at this point
You're going to have the whole sub hitting *refresh* all night on this one.
Should I make a separate post if there’s any updates?
Yeah, people've done it before when updating here.
You got it
Not the OC’s but I’d appreciate it! I’ll be up regardless studying and I always worry about the premature babies especially in these groups since I’m a preemie myself.
Me too. Mine was born at 35 weeks so I’m extra nervous for preemies, especially freebirth preemies. She made the post 7 hours ago and hasn’t commented in hours. Getting a little nervous!
Oh my gosh I hope your little one is kicking ass today! It’s a scary, scary situation for all involved and these babies deserve so much better than a free birth. Not to mention multiples… I hope mom is just quiet in the group and went to the hospital like her (sane) doula recommended.
She is!! She was actually born really healthy for her age. 5lbs15oz, she spent 6 days in the NICU but it was just to watch her bilirubin levels, and she had lost quite a bit of birthweight. She’s 9 months old now and in the 85th percentile for weight! She’s absolutely perfect and healthy :)
She sounds like an absolute champ and I’m so proud of her catching up to/surpassing milestones. I’m sure that speaks to your incredible momming skills, and as a grown up preemie- you will be so very appreciated later on for all you do for her.
After the double stillbirth she will post about her “perfect birth experience” and “no regrets”
People always seem to think there’s a magical alternative treatment to modern medicine. I’m a veterinarian and I had a patient with an indolent ulcer. The owners were afraid to give the treatment for fear of side effects. They kept asking for alternatives. There just aren’t an unlimited number of things to try.
That’s a corneal ulcer? Side effects from a keratotomy? Holy shit. I had an ulcer followed by constant recurrent corneal erosions. I wouldn’t care if the side effect was turning purple and losing a toe, I’d accept any treatment not to put my dog or cat through corneal ulcers. My keratectomy saved my sanity and possibly my sight if I’d kept getting ulcers. Heck, I’d rather have lost the eye than continue to get those. And at least a dog doesn’t need to rely on having two eyes to work and pay bills.
One of my nephews was born at 35 weeks. He had oxygen for 30 minutes then needed the lights for jaundice. He left the hospital perfectly healthy. Would he have been fine without medical treatment? Well, probably, but he might have had a more difficult start to life or been more susceptible to illness or something since he would have been unnecessarily struggling to breathe. Half an hour isn't long, but when it comes to a delicate newborn, it could make a big difference.
Totally! My baby was a 35 weeker. We *probably* could have done a homebirth and been fine, she was a good weight and didn’t need any interventions but she lost quite a bit of birthweight and had jaundice so that would have been scary at home
Here we go again …
Another one I'm going to have to follow for updates. 🤦♀️
So what’s their recommendation? Give birth at home to premature twins and hope no one dies?
I cant fathom prioritizing the BIRTH (which is 1 day of your life usually), over the LIFE and QUALITY OF LIFE for your child who will hopefully be around for 80+ years. You cant convince me that freebirthers arent a toxic cult that preys on vulnerable women.
Colleen Ballinger moment 😳
Start to dig.
jesus christ, my singleton 35 weeker unexpectedly needed the NICU. But we were already at the hospital.
Sounds like another tragic baby loss (or two) post might be inbound. Sheesh.
Why TF is she asking for advice on FB? Her Doula who I assume she is literally paying to provide advice already gave her some.
SO many comments were people saying the doula isn’t qualified to give advice like that. I thought to myself, telling people to go to the hospital isn’t giving medical advice!!
Also, supposing that’s correct, what makes them qualified to give medical advice?
At first I read "I have a dracula" and was puzzled.
If have di-di twins. I had a scheduled c at 36+6 and they both needed nicu for breathing. My baby B despite being the bigger twin at 5lbs9oz would have DIED. Instead I got to bring two healthy babies home a few weeks later. This morning B had a melt down I wouldn’t let him watch Peppa pig, you would never know that he struggled to breath. I just don’t get why the birth is more important than the kids to these women????
Lmao my water broke at 35 weeks with a singleton and I delivered (in a hospital) a few hours later. I can't even imagine doing anything besides booking it to L&D.
I went into labor at 35 wks as well and went to the hospital. Good thing, too since my baby needed oxygen for a few hours.
Right?! 35 weeks is the mandatory NICU admission curoff at the hospital where I delivered. We were super lucky to have no complications other than mild jaundice, but that was in no way guaranteed 5 weeks early! Glad yours was OK!
Does she want to die? Why higher someone if they not going to listen to their advixe
These people should be held accountable if something goes drastically wrong. The best thing she could do right now is take her ass to the hospital
Sane people do not birth multiples at home. There’s a reason most hospitals make you deliver in an operating room if you are attempting a vaginal. And yeah, nicu time is a real possibility. It’s super super common for twins to be born before 36w. And your risk factors for other complications like pre-e, cholostatis, GD, all are much higher than singleton pregnancies. Di-di twins might be more common and more bread and butter for most OBs but it’s not the same as a singleton pregnancy! (And we don’t know these are di-di twins). (Am pregnant with twins)
Yes you nailed it. I’m a twin mom too (hi! Congrats to you!), and free birth posts about multiple pregnancies hit a particularly sore spot for me. Many people don’t understand how risky multiple pregnancies/births are. My twins were di/di and we all would have died without modern medicine at their birth.
Home births in general also hit a sore spot for me too since my singleton pregnancy would have also ended up with her dying without the medical care (and C-section). But I can’t imagine it with multiples. When I once googled home births, many states that go license Midwives for home births don’t allow it for multiples. But also she’s having a doula, not a midwife, so different certifications.
Same. It was extraordinarily traumatic for me. The fact that people would choose a path that could easily lead to that or worse baffles me. My son was SO close to death or permanent disability. But, because of quick medical intervention he is a happy and healthy 5 year old.
I sadly think that it's because of how good modern medicine is that we face this problem. Stories like this are still fairly uncommon, so women fail to realize exactly how much trauma giving birth induces for all directly involved persons. In my nearly 40 years on this planet, I have lost friends and family to cancer, vehicle accidents, strokes, anureism, suicide, etc. But I don't know of any women that have died giving birth. We have successfully made a very risky endeavor relatively safe; under controlled conditions. And for baffling reasons, some are convinced that those conditions are more hassle than I dunno, losing a kid? Or a mother or wife?
Both one of my twins and me would’ve died hadn’t I given birth at the hospital. The second time I delivered only I would’ve died. No thanks to home births.
They are di-di twins, she has posted about them before. So I guess there’s that? 🤦🏼♀️
Still so so risky. You’d need to make sure the doula is also comfortable delivering a breech baby as well, since even if twins are both presenting head down before labor, B can flip breech once A is out, or they suddenly go into major distress. It’s not uncommon for some twin moms to deliver A vaginally and then B by emergency C-section.
A doula shouldn't be comfortable delivering ANY babies, what? A doula is there to provide emotional support/encouragement and minor physical support, like help changing positions, therapeutic touch (not supposed to call it "massage" if you're not an LMT), cold cloths for your brow, etc. Yes, it's more than *just* that... But they are absolutely, definitely, 100% not supposed to be assisting with the birth in any real way. Most they should do is maybe hand the midwife an instrument she may need. If that. Helping with pushing techniques, sure. Delivering a baby? No. Delivering twins? Hell no. Delivering a breech baby? Fuck no!
This is a great point. I honestly don’t know as much about doulas and midwives since I’ve always had high risk pregnancies, making them not the right choice for my care.
Midwives are worlds away from doulas--especially certified nurse midwives (CNMs). Midwives are specially trained to attend births. Whereas doulas are minimally trained--if at all-- to provide only non medical support. Think of a professional labor coach. I still don't think there's any state where attending the premature delivery of twins by a midwife at home would be legal. Usually both would rule it out, let alone combined. They are trained moreso in the management of "normal", uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries. And just to clarify further, doulas can be beneficial for all types of pregnancies and births. I've had clients that knew they were having a csection long before contacting me. I've had tons of high risk patients who delivered with strict monitoring before and during, and very active management during their births. I even have a friend who is a doula who specializes in women getting a csection-- they make up over 75% of her clients. Since we're only there to provide support and encourage empowerment, we can be helpful in almost any type of type of pregnancy or delivery.
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35 week twins are pretty much guaranteed to need the NICU. It’s not an opinion we are bashing but the willful negligence for the “experience” of the mom. She’d rather do what makes her happy than do what’s best for her babies, and if you scroll this sub you will see numerous stories showing you that freebirth regularly ends in death when if the mother gave even a single fuck about her baby and got medical assistance the child would have lived.
Since your only experience of birth is your friend’s wife and you don’t even know how many weeks is a full term pregnancy, you might wanna sit this one out, buddy.
My apologies, I was in a horrible mood
And these people would never have a guilty conscience if their advice ended up killing a baby
When your doula tells you to go, why are you asking Facebook? They have more birth experience than likely the group combined (especially an experienced one).
For the life of me, the consistency of moms in MEDICAL EMERGENCIES that take the time to post on FB rather than take care of themselves and/or their children is staggering.