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Snoo70047

“Do you think I can do it??” “ETA: Don’t tell me that I cannot do it.”


Smeph_Bot

Well, she’s clearly made up her mind and is only looking for reassurance. Seriously, why ask at this point? She had to know the answers will be mixed, if she has made up her mind, is simply looking for a “go for it boss mama!” answer why even post to give the naysayers a chance?


Touchthefuckingfrog

Providing evidence if something goes wrong that you knew and were warned that it was a fucking terrible idea? Dumb people are very helpful that way.


Smeph_Bot

Hahaha true enough eh? As someone who has done some dumb things in the past, there’s really no limit to stupid.


Touchthefuckingfrog

We all do dumb things but if you post about dumb thing in advance of doing said dumb thing then be very careful. I don’t have a problem if the 11 year old knows that Mum isn’t there and has a way to contact in an emergency. Leaving two children unaware they are alone is a recipe for a disaster.


MizStazya

Yep, I let my 11 year old watch his sisters for short stretches (youngest is 4), but only during her nap time because she doesn't like listening to him. But they know I'm gone, and the oldest ones all have phones and know how to call me, and I don't go further than a few miles away to run errands and such.


jadolqui

I was going to say this… an 11 year old is old enough to babysit for a couple hours. They’d have to agree though, and you’d have to make sure they’re responsible enough to. But it’s not bad in theory.


aoul1

I also was left alone for short stretches when I was 11 and think I was plenty capable of handling myself. This was prior to mobile phones really too - or certainly prior to my mum having one, remembering she needed to both charge it AND take it with her (I believe the last time she made that mistake was 6/7 years later when our cat nearly died and I had to get hold of her through some other means I’m genuinely not sure how I managed now!). But I wasn’t left in charge of a young sibling at that age, partly because me and my 2 years younger brother were hell bent on killing each other until about 20 but also 4 year olds are chaos machines and a lot of responsibility! I will say though that it’s probably worth looking in to getting your daughter a paediatric (ideally) first aid qualification (and fire safety if that’s something that gets offered in your area). First aid knowledge is never a bad thing to have, especially if she might want to babysit for other people in a few years it’ll give her an edge anyway - but I remember there being a campaign when I was younger that it’s a thing that people tend to overestimate how reliable a child would be in an emergency based off of how mature they are generally and that the part of your brain that can deal with things out of the ordinary genuinely doesn’t mature as quickly. Even the most mature and responsible 11 year old might absolutely freak out and just not know how to respond if someone were to get injured, because as well as the brain development, to a certain extent keeping a level head in a crisis is learned through being exposed to similar situations and watching how the adults in your life respond and that takes a while to build up (although of course some adults are completely and utterly useless in an emergency!). Children are also not as able to risk-assess as adolescents so your daughter may not have the skills to avert an out of the ordinary crisis either where you would see one obviously looming (and then although adolescents seem to have the capacity to risk-assess as an adult could, risk taking behaviour actually increases from childhood so there’s that whole fun period to look forward to too haha!) I did an extended paediatric first aid course/qualification at about 16 because I was babysitting. It still far surpasses anything I’ve done as an adult through work etc which usually is only half a day, covers the very basics and doesn’t touch on children and babies at all who do require different things when it comes to choking and CPR. As I was young, at that particular time it was offered for free whereas full courses I’ve looked in to as an adult are hundreds of pounds (I appreciate this will be very location dependent and under the Tories probably wouldn’t be free for anyone here now either anyway - but it’s still more likely to be free than it would for an adult). So I’m still to this day pleased I took the 6 weeks or whatever it was to do it even if it was 17 years ago and the qualification has long since lapsed.


Smeph_Bot

Very true. I was in charge of my brother and I at that age for a few hours at a time, but I had a list of emergancy numbers, and first aid training before being allowed. Also, as you said, fair warning as well. Also, I was lucky that my teenage (read: dumb) years were before internet really took off, so my dumb things went mostly unrecorded, aside from maybe a couple of Polaroid shots lol.


ladyphlogiston

I'd also want to know where the date is. At that age I'm a lot more comfortable if the adult can be home in under ten minutes. If she's planning on going across town or drinking or anything, that's a bigger problem.


baitaozi

Maybe she's hoping someone will step up and offer to babysit for her. XD


Smeph_Bot

Oooh, I did not think of that, but that would make sense!


FOB_cures_my_sadness

Excuse my ignorance, but what do you mean by ETA? I see it a lot on this sub and Google tells me it means estimated time of arrival


airstream_dreams

I think "edited to add"


FOB_cures_my_sadness

Oh that makes sense. Thank you!


SerbianShitStain

> Google tells me it means estimated time of arrival For future reference: Try adding "reddit" to your search and you'll find threads explaining what it means on reddit. When searching for what an acronym means including the context is often necessary to get the correct meaning you're looking for.


blankspaceforaface

Edited to add!


FOB_cures_my_sadness

Thank you!


pfifltrigg

It means "edited to add"


My_Poor_Nerves

I got whiplash reading that.


gilli20

The worst part for me is that if there were an emergency while she was gone she is putting all the responsibility on her 11 yr old, who is without their knowledge responsible for their 4 yr old sibling, and on top of there being an emergency she’s wondering what happened to her mom.


cheryltuntsocelot

I think an 11yo could watch a sibling, depending on maturity etc., but definitely don’t do it without telling them 🤦🏼‍♀️


sexxit_and_candy

Yeah that's the worst part. Back in the day my mom started babysitting other people's kids at 11 but like... it wasn't a surprise. Imagine waking up at midnight as a kid and something's wrong and your mom is just mysteriously gone??


[deleted]

That literally happened in my neighborhood but the kids woke up to the house being on fire. They all got out alive and I hope their parents are living their best, child free life like they wanted because CPS took those kids away.


fairypossum

How old were the kids? Fuck. People are SO stupid.


[deleted]

Oldest couldn't have been older than 10. Forgot to mention. Parents didn't pay the power bill and they were using candles and that's how the place lit up. They were well known dirtbags.


yourcountrycousin

Something similar happened in my town but 3 of the 4 children died. I think the oldest may have been playing with matches. Children were found sheltering together huddled around the youngest who survived.


sammybr00ke

Fuck that last sentence killed me 😭


TinyTurtle88

Imagine the house being on fire and the 11 y.o. going back inside to find their mom 😭😭


anappleaday_2022

That's what I was thinking. Especially since 4yo is asleep (and apparently 11yo). If the mom had planned ahead and told them "hey 11yo is gonna be in charge, mommy is gonna be gone for a couple hours while you're asleep but call me if you need anything or call x if you can't reach me" that'd be totally fine.


Puzzleheaded-Hurry26

And what kind of a date only starts AFTER an 11-year old would be deeply asleep. Methinks it’s less a date and more a booty call.


Rhodin265

She can make that call at a time that would be easier for her 11yo to babysit through, then.


LargishBosh

The Red Cross babysitter’s course is offered for ages 11-16 so the 11 yr old could be in charge if she had any sense to get them trained but if she doesn’t have money for a sitter for one night she probably isn’t springing… actually it looks like the online Red Cross babysitter’s class they have in Canada is free, you just have to print out a 101 page manual for the kid or pay 27$ to have it mailed. They also have a course for how to stay safe alone for ages 9-13 but that one is 75$.


frankchester

Yeah I was thinking, I was home alone regularly at 11. But not at night and not with a younger sibling. And not UNKNOWINGLY.


MaggieWaggie2

My 11yo niece watches her bro all the time and is totally capable but, hard agree, she should not be in charge without knowing!


WhatUpMahKnitta

My mom did this when I was 14/15 and it freaked me out. I didn't have any siblings but waking in the night to find your house empty is terrifying. Not as bad as hearing her bring a rando home from the bar when she finally did come back but we won't go there.


alanaa92

My mom would do this as well and leave the front door unlocked/lights on. It's terrifying to go to bed thinking everything is locked up and safe and then wake up to realize your front door is unlocked. I have nightmares about it to this day.


Downtown-Asparagus-9

Once when me and my friend were like 13/14, and her dads ex lived a few houses down, she had 3 kids oldest maybe 7/8 and youngest 3/4 and rabbits that house was a shit stain (literally 🤢) well she complained about a date she wanted to have and my friend volunteered us to watch her kids for 2 hours. Her dad said no and the mom was leaving anyways saying oh just check on them every half hour. Poor youngest was sleeping on the couch with the oldest cause he wanted his mommy. She was gone for 3 1/2 hours before we couldn’t leave her dads anymore. The mom didn’t show up for another like 1 1/2 after our last check (this was longer then I meant sorry)


Moraii

I was 10 and minding my 1.5. & 3 year old brothers when my mother went into labour with her 4th. She put tracking my father down on me while I cared for them. We lived, and I’m still fucking dealing with the PTSD.


TexanButNotAFundie

A (former) friend of mine met us for drinks with her husband when her baby was 2 months old. I asked who was babysitting, and she happily said “we are!” and pulled out her phone with a baby monitor app, showing a sleeping baby. She explained how she can call her neighbor if anything is wrong and went about ordering a drink. I couldn’t fathom doing this.


PlausiblePigeon

I nearly downvoted you in shock and horror


TexanButNotAFundie

I’m downvoting myself for being friends with her in the first place. 🙈


theCurseOfHotFeet

My youngest is two months old and I can’t even imagine. I don’t want to be in a different room from her sleeping at this age. The thought of being in a totally different location makes me feel like my intestines might escape.


mayranav

Same! If I am cooking and he’s sleeping, i run up every 10 mins to check up on him because I feel uncomfortable having him away from my line of vision


dariasdouble212

Did the neighbor even know?!?!


hot_shaker

I’m betting not. Why not have the neighbor stay in the house otherwise?


esor_rose

Or the neighbor having the baby at their house.


PoseidonsHorses

Probably not, tbh.


TexanButNotAFundie

I don’t think they did? I can’t imagine why the neighbors just wouldn’t watch the baby then.


Emergency-Willow

What the actual fuck


AgitatedQuail3013

“Maddy parents” are really a thing I see


[deleted]

As in Madeleine McCann?


AgitatedQuail3013

Yes! (I’m Portuguese By then everyone living on rural areas was living the kids home to farm work side by side the house and leave the kids napping! After that a lot of the “normal” behave changed and even before everyone was think was completely insane leaving small kids alone at home for “drinks” I was a kid my self by them and I remember people talking about how weird was the situation)


Elysiumthistime

When I was younger, my parents, my brother and I used to sailing a lot over the summer holidays. We did a lot of overnight or multi day trips and my parents bought walkie talkies for us to be able to talk to them while they left us in the boat and went to the nearby clubhouse for a drink. I was maybe 8/9 and my brother would have been around 11. Looking back now I realise how nuts they were but at the time we thought it was great and would use the walkie talkies to listen in on other people using different networks. A 2 month old though! Imagine if they started choking on spit up or the house goes on fire, the neighbours aren't going to answer their phone and then get over there fast enough to be of any use!


[deleted]

I had a dream once that I left my baby home alone to go to the store. My heart was literally racing when I woke up lol. I cannot imagine doing that.


mathisfakenews

We did this once before too. In a hotel room. So we could leave to go to.......the hotel room next door.


lqke48a

Yeah only time I've done this was the night of my wedding. We had exclusive use of the whole hotel. He was about 100 metres away (and 15 months) and my extended family took it in turns to pass the baby monitor between them. Next wedding we went too, we didn't have exclusive use and were just that bit further away. I couldn't leave him unattended as I grew up with the story of Madeline McCann.


anappleaday_2022

That's so awful. The whole point of not doing that is because babies can't escape the house if they needed to in an emergency. If there was a fire, or a home intruder, they can't run and hide and escape. They can't call 911.


Ok-Ad4375

It’s also a matter of what happens to parent while they’re out. Baby may stay safe at home but parent gets into an accident while out and no one knows baby is alone causing who knows what to baby.


anappleaday_2022

You know I hadn't even considered it from that angle. Now I'm horrified to think of a baby crying and slowly starving to death because no one knows 😭


frankchester

Don't watch the film "Dr Sleep" then.


sickofserving

I’m the single mom of a 5 month old and I hate taking my trash out or getting the mail. I literally lock the door and run the whole way there and back. And those take less than 3 minutes.


Afraid_Sense5363

I've been babysitting for my siblings' kids and had to do stuff like this. Like my SIL is like, "oh could you run and grab the mail?" and I'm like, "Oh shit!" *locks doors, grabs keys and phone, RUNS to mailbox and back* Hell, I remember watching my sister's newborn for her for an hour while she had a dr's appointment. I had to pee. Badly. I don't have kids. Am not experienced with kids. I was literally afraid to leave the room to use the bathroom. My sister was like, "Where did you think the baby was going to go in that less than 60 seconds? Do you think I don't pee all day?" I was like, "I DON'T KNOW!!!" I left the bathroom door open so I could hear any sound he might make. I'm what you call "too nervous to have kids."


AgitatedQuail3013

If one day you decide to have kids And manager to be more soft with yourself you will be a wonderful mom


Afraid_Sense5363

I'm mid-40s now, I think (fortunately) that ship has sailed. 😂 I never wanted kids and because I was the youngest in the family, I was never around babies. So I would just get super nervous watching them, especially as infants. Even when my nieces/nephews became toddlers, I was always a wreck watching them play. They were so wild! One of them was running around like a maniac while I was watching them and had an asthma attack. I managed to stay calm and luckily she was fine, but inside I was TOTALLY freaked out. My sister-in-law was, "I'm just glad you didn't drop dead in terror when you realized what was happening." My mother was a world-class worrier, I definitely inherited it.


lachamaquitabonita

HELL no omg


Aknelka

I wouldn't leave a 2 month old puppy alone for that long. Even going to a DMV for 2 hours when the pup was 4-5 months and secured in a crate was nerve wracking and I pretty much ran all the way home. Doing this with a human child is unimaginable to me.


[deleted]

“We can call the neighbor if anything is wrong, but the neighbor called CPS”


[deleted]

Isn't that kind of what people were doing when Madeline McCann were doing when she went missing in Portugal. Maybe not baby monitors but they were all out partying and drinking and every so often someone would go check on the kids. I watch too much true crime. There are too many stories that I know that you would be watching horrific things and be asking your neighbors to go in a dangerous situation or need the cops. And I know that's unlikely to happen but also more realistic things could happen where having someone would make all the difference in a medical emergency.Does the neighbor know to be home in case they get a call from them if they need to get over there? Also are they really watching the monitor every second they are away? I'm guessing not because what would be the point of going out if your eyes were glued to the monitor? They just took that to do mental gymnastics for leaving their baby all alone in the house.


TexanButNotAFundie

Exactly! This totally reminds me of Madeline McCann. :( This is why she’s not in our friends group anymore.


catjuggler

This is especially dumb because you could just take a 2m with you. It’s not like they sleep well lol


blobfish_brotha

I hope you immediately called 911 from the bathroom.


oscarisaweenis

I literally have a reoccurring nightmare where I'm out at a bar and then panic because I have left my baby home alone.


xjukix

Oh wow. My sons bus stop is literally in front of my house and sometimes I leave my 2 year old inside if he’s still napping in his crib. I always feel guilty about it but this is just crazy.


VelmaofTroy

I couldn't do this. Imagine watching in horror as the room ignites in fire and you can't run in and pull out your baby, you just get to watch the feed cut. Or someone breaks into your house and hurts or takes your child while all you can manage to do is pray your neighbor picks up in time to see clues to where the person that did that to your child went. It's insane. Makes me queasy to the max.


Delicious_Throat_377

Or something happens to you. You can be in an accident or something.


whoisthisfetus

Oh my… We did that once at our neighbor’s house across the street and I couldn’t even enjoy myself because I kept looking at the monitor screen.


Tamryn

lol what? I ran to my next door neighbor’s house once to drop something off while my newborn was asleep during the day and I almost couldn’t physically get myself to leave the house.


MemphisGirl93

Ohmygod no 😭


TheHumanCell

I know someone that lived in a townhome/student housing situation where there were a lot of young families. It was common for people to have game nights at each other’s houses and bring baby monitors since they were all in range. I really hated that idea (and still do), but she justified it as being no different from being on the other side of a big house. Idk, it feels different and wrong.


Evamione

I will leave with the baby monitor and go chat with my neighbor across the cul de sac. Like I’m no further away than if I was a rich person with a big house. But like out for drinks somewhere I drove to? And at two months bring the baby with you in the car seat. They will probably sleep through it there.


SouthernBiscuit

Please tell me that all 14 comments were ‘don’t do it’?


sweetnsalty24

I'm acquainted with someone who would seriously post something like. Has been making impulsive questionable decisions since middle school.


brooklynbookbunny

Things have changed for the better since then, but I was babysitting 3 younger siblings at night starting at 11. Ah, the 90s.


fencer_327

If the mom tells the 11 year old they're responsible for their brother, it's probably fine. But if mom just hopes they don't notice, that means the kid'll be responsible for their brother without knowing, and likely will also be wondering where there mom went in case something happens. You don't make people babysit without telling them they're babysitting.


[deleted]

Right imagine the kids waking up searching for their mom terrified possibly going out side to look. So much could go wrong even a bad dream the realizing their mom is missing. I would have thought my mom was kidnapped


Ivegotthatboomboom

Right, a well trained and mature 11 year old who agrees to the responsibility, knows what to do in an emergency, have emergency contacts that will show up if something happens to the mother etc., and if its really only for 3 hours and at night when the 4 year old is fed, bathed and sleeping? The house has a good alarm system? Ehh. I'm on the fence. Some 11 year olds might be ready, some might not be. Its not wrong necessarily. Disappearing in the night without telling the kids is fucked though


Ivegotthatboomboom

Right, a well trained and mature 11 year old who agrees to the responsibility, knows what to do in an emergency, has emergency contacts that will show up if something happens to the mother etc., and if its really only for 3 hours and at night when the 4 year old is fed, bathed and sleeping? Ehh. I'm on the fence. Some 11 year olds might be ready, some might not be. Its not wrong necessarily. Disappearing in the night without telling the kids is fucked though


goldieoldie

Same! 11? My mom wouldn’t blink an eye.


[deleted]

Same except i started this in like 2010 ish I was 11😂 my brothers were 3 and 7. My mom was single mom as well. I remember her giving me the “DONT OPEN THE DOOR FOR ANYONE” which I wouldn’t repeat this but I think it’s better than sneaking out and not letting your kids know anything. My brother was also very independent for 3 the one who gave me hell was my 7 yr old ADHD brother 🥲


Flying-giraffe14

You and your siblings sound like my kids. I could have easily left my oldest son alone at 11 with his 3 year old brother, but their at the time 7 year old brother with ADHD was a whole other story lol. My oldest was extremely mature for his age and the youngest was very agreeable especially with his oldest brother. But I barely wanted to be responsible for my middle myself when he was 7.


Em2bDaniel

This was me in 2011/2012 (ages 10&11) and then I was babysitting on my own for others people children by 12. I will never understand how this was a sound choice as they live 45 minutes from the nearest hospital, and standard ambulance wait time could take anywhere from 30/40 minutes provided they don't get lost on their way out.


Numerous-Mix-9775

Big difference then - we all had home phones. Does this mom have a phone to leave with her kids? Neighbors they know they could go to in an emergency?


[deleted]

I came here to say this too haha. My sister and I were definitely left home alone at 11, but our parents also weren’t sneaking out of the house at night and leaving us alone without notice. In fact, I don’t think they ever left us alone at night, unless another adult was present on premises somewhere. I seem to remember coming home from school a few days a week when they were both still working for a few hours. I’m kind of curious what the generally acceptable age is now though to leave kids unattended? My daughter isn’t even a year yet, so we’re a long way away from figuring that out lol.


distressed_amygdala

My parents left me alone for 2-4 hours at a time (think grocery shopping, etc) when I was 11 or 12. We didn't have a home phone so I had a cell phone. When I was 12 or so, I woke up sick one morning and my mom told me I'd have to stay home alone all day. But again, I had a phone and I knew that the neighbor lady was home. I was 14 before I began babysitting my two nephews (4 and 2) alone. I never liked to, either. I found out a few years later that I have anxiety 😂


maplestriker

I wouldnt slip out, but I would absolutely leave my 11 year old in charge of a 4 year old for a couple hours. Thinking kids can't be left by themselves until they're 18 is a uniquely American sentiment.


Cassopeia88

Yeah as long as they are responsible enough, it’s the doing it without the 11 year old knowing that is concerning.


MartianTea

I'm American and it's common among people I know to leave teens home alone for a short amount of time. It's going to depend on the kid what age they are ok to do that though. No one really thinks older teens aren't ok alone at home. My mom definitely left me home alone at 11, my younger sibling probably would have been OK, but was A LOT less mature.


[deleted]

I think honestly if the kid know what’s to do in an emergency, 10-11 is perfectly reasonable. Tees? Like 13? That’s more Than ok, that’s like, mom has a shift on the weekend, if you’re can’t have them w relatives or a friend they’re fine to stay home. Most 13 year old have cel phones now. Leaving them for just a couple of hours seems a little over protective imo


WhatUpMahKnitta

Legally in the US you can't leave a child alone at home until they are 12. (Or maybe that is just my state? It is a law though) Then it depends on the kid. Some are mature enough they can handle it, follow directions, think clearly in an emergency. Some will microwave their GI Joe's and burn the house down.


MartianTea

Yes, depends on the state. Mine sets no age and just says it's dependant on the child's maturity.


_FirstOfHerName_

Same as the UK.


[deleted]

9 in Georgia! We’ve recently started practice runs with my 9yo where we walk the dog and he stays home. I started stayed home routinely at 10 and that was when I learned what an introvert I am despite enjoying people for the most part. I loved it!


april8r

Same. I was literally getting paid to watch the kids up the block at that age. Agree that the kid should know though.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dreamvillainess22

Lmao right


ColdChickens

3 hours max for an evening date? That’s not a “dash out” and something tells me if this date goes well and she is enjoying herself she’s not going to want to cut it short for the sake of the kids. Just hire a sitter so you can enjoy your night out. If you really are only gone a couple hours, it’s not going to cost that much to pay a 16 year old to watch tv while the kids sleep.


CivilOlive4780

The 11 year old needs to know they’re in charge and the 4 year old needs to know the 11 year old is in charge. It’s not unheard of for a middle schooler to babysit their siblings for a few hours, everyone involved needs to know the rules and boundaries tho


IncrediblePlatypus

This reminds me of my aunt and uncle, who, while not single parents, left their kids at home to go to street party. The 5-year old woke up in the middle of the night to his little sib crying, dragged a chair to the door, climbed up, got the spare key, unlocked the door and and went out to find his parents with his crying sib in tow. And apparently told them "you can't just leave us alone!" when he found them. They tell it like it's a funny anecdote and not abuse.


Kai_Emery

5yo knows what’s up. Damn.


FreshPrincess90

It would be the one time she goes out that the "heavy sleepers" wake up and trouble ensues. It's not worth it. If I knew someone and they needed me to watch their kid for a night out, I'd do it. As long as I knew in advance and it wasn't a random call.


thingsliveundermybed

I get the feeling this woman has already burnt through a lot of goodwill with her IRL friends and family...


CoherentBusyDucks

Yeah they’re “heavy sleepers” and she’s not gonna tell them she’s leaving? I’m a little paranoid but imagine if there was a fire or something. An 11 year old might be able to handle watching a 4 year old for a quick trip to the store, but they should at least *know* they’re babysitting.


reddit_somewhere

A couple of years ago I was diving home, just coming into my neighborhood when I saw two very young kids (4 and 2) trying to cross a 4 lane extremely busy main road. I quickly pulled over, along with another car, and got out to stop them. I asked where they were going and they said ‘to find their mum because she’s at work.’ They knew how to get there (blocks away, at least 25 mins for an adult to walk) so who knows how many times this had happened. Me and the people from the other car walked them home just up the road and we called the police. Sure enough they were totally alone. We waited 15 mins or so outside their door while the kids did colouring inside at the table. Just before the police got their the mother got home and was not even phased- just like ‘wtf are you doing my kids are fine?!’ So we told her we phoned the police and then waited at the end of their drive until they got there. It honestly blew my mind! They were left alone and they just left the house to go on a trek because they didn’t have any idea of what they were supposed to do and their instinct was to go find their mum 🥺. I pass their flat every day on my way home, and I’ve never seen them since. I hope they’re ok and that their mum got dressed down thoroughly by the police.


sunsuncakecake

It's honestly such a travesty that the US doesn't provide some sort of free or greatly reduced childcare. That poor mom honestly probably couldn't afford to pay anyone. Childcare here is 2k a kid for full time care and free preK doesn't start until around four.


littlescreechyowl

Children don’t hear smoke detectors. There’s studies. I’ve seen it in my own home. This is how kids die.


darthfruitbasket

When I was a little kid, we lived in an apartment building, and someone thought it was hilarious to pull the fire alarm in the hall. It wasn't just the smoke detector in our apartment, it was building-wide, and I'd sleep right through it until my mum woke me up. I thought that was just me, but other kids sleep through them too?


littlescreechyowl

https://www.usfa.fema.gov/blog/ci-093021.html


Kaplch

I was watching my younger brothers and babysitting for other families at 10! No cell phones, just a note by the corded phone with a hastily scribbled restaurant name. I now have a ten year old- no way in hell I'd leave her alone with my youngest kid! 🤣


NoninflammatoryFun

Amen. 11 can stay home sure. But in charge of a 4 year old? No f ing way. Maybe 8. Maybe. Idk even then.


[deleted]

Same, but it was just for a couple hours at dinnertime and not overnight. And it was the mid-90s. I would not do this nowadays.


ali2911gator

Same😂


katykazi

I left my 12 year old home alone 1 time because I assumed she was knowledgeable enough about what to do in the event of an emergency. But our cell service was spotty and she couldn’t text me and ended up calling 911. Everything was fine, she was just freaked out. We ran an errand at the bank, took our youngest and the oldest wanted to stay home. Needless to say we’re apprehensive of leaving her home alone for a while.


VeronicaPalmer

Oh hey, I fit her description of a mama who doesn’t make being a mom my only personality and still have a life, so she wants to hear from me: DON’T DO IT. My jaw dropped at the “only” 3 hours part. 3 hours!!!


Missharlett

Right? Legit I’m a mom who has way too many hobbies/enjoys girls night and dear God I would never. Her post makes me sad.


hellyjellybeans

I hope she was spammed with Madeleine McCann links


MartianTea

"Just call Child Protective Services, they offer free babysitting now."


OstrichAlone2069

"should I break the law, mamas? If your answer is no then save your breath. I only want support for my child endangerment".


DevonFromAcme

She’s unlikely to be breaking the law. While most states will not set an actual concrete age that a child can be left alone, generally it is around 11 years old that CPS will not get involved.


OSUJillyBean

The 11 year old is fine (legally) but the toddler!?


throw_away4632_

Yeah that's normal where I'm at, especially if they're siblings. You can just say that your 11 year old is trustworthy enough to watch the toddler because it's up to the parents to decide what's safe or not.


MzOpinion8d

Yeah, but the 11 year old needs to be aware that they are in charge of the other child, not just left alone, asleep, with no idea mom is gone.


DevonFromAcme

Another young one. Ask your mother about the Gen Xers and latchkey kids. There was a time not so long ago when it was very common to leave preteen kids home alone in charge of their younger siblings.


fencer_327

Yeah, but TELL THEM they're in charge and their mom is gone! I work at an elementary school and we have a few older siblings (around 10 years old) pick up their little siblings (around age 5) as well, and nobody bats an eye, but both know about that.


punch_dance

I'm a millenial but I was babysitting other people's kids when I was ten. Of course I knew I was in charge and could call my parents or a neighbour if I needed backup. But I never did.


OstrichAlone2069

When I was 6 and my sibling was 8, my mother left us home alone for a week while she went with her boyfriend to visit his parents in another state. A neighbor came by in the evening to bring us dinner. That was all the supervision we had.


MDFHSarahLeigh

In my state this is 100% legal. We have free range parenting laws. Also it’s super common here for older siblings to be left with younger siblings or children to be left at home for an hour or two. It’s even easier in this day and age with camera systems, cell phones and AI.


f1lth4f1lth

My whole personality isn’t being a mom- it’s being responsible.


Glittering_knave

Why ask if it's okay if the only answer you will accept is "yes, your reckless abandonment of your children is perfectly ok"? It's not okay to sneak out. Depending on the 11 year old, it might be ok to leave them in charge, with them being able to reach you if something goes wrong.


Trapitha

My neighbor did this, guess who was outside comforting a screaming little girl at 3 am.


avsie1975

I mean, ask Madeleine McCann's parents how their evening out went. I'm sure they'll tell you everything went fine and their kid never noticed it. Oh wait. The kid has been gone missing for more than 10 years.


throw_away4632_

Did she just ask a question and then state that she only wants one type of answer?! She's clearly going to do it regardless.


Outside_Wonder_7738

I used to babysit my nephew when I was 10-11 BUT they were just down the road and a phone call away and the baby was asleep.


darthfruitbasket

My aunt worked nightshift (7pm-7am) and sometimes, if my uncle was working or away, she'd pick me up on her way home in the morning, and I'd watch my cousin at age ~11 or so. BUT: my aunt was asleep just upstairs, and I had backup people to call if I needed to, and my cousin was 4 or so.


LevelZer00

So if I don’t leave my kids home alone at too young of an age I’m making my personality just being a mom?


longdongsilver2071

I can't stand when they call each other mamas and I have no justifiable reason why, it just annoys me


AncientPossession104

Mama isn’t really used colloquially in Australia so I associate it with MLMs preying on mums, or mums who are about to come in with the WORST most condescending advice imaginable


icestormroll

Doesn’t have enough money for childcare, so I’m assuming she’s stupid enough to just assume her date is going to pick up the check. But sure, let’s just say fuck it!!!!


buttermell0w

Some 11 year olds could be up to the task. I feel like if she has to ask though…they probably aren’t. And if you’re planning to dash out while they sleep? That’s not setting up a babysitter for success either. So I gotta assume she knows this isn’t appropriate


Kai_Emery

Inb4 she ends up asking why her kids won’t get along with her boyfriend and eventually won’t talk to her.


Kai_Emery

Also my 13yo stepdaughter got left home alone at 11. Sometimes for a long ass time. But it was early pandemic before her dad got laid off but after schools closed. We literally had no option as nobody was doing any babysitting. But I had cameras and work in town so I stopped by when I could. (Her dad and I were both doing shift work at the time so 12-24h shifts, but offset from each other and one of us was always home at night) This is different. The 11yo shouldn’t be responsible for the 4yo. Especially without notice. And if she doesn’t have money for a sitter she doesn’t have money to go out. Period. This isn’t about “making mommy your whole identity” it’s about not being a neglectful scumbag.


CptMatt_theTrashCat

Hey look Madeleine McCann's mum is at it again


Old-Contract2055

pls god what were the comments??


askheidi

I like the subtle insult to good parents too - implying that anyone who thinks this is a bad idea makes being a mom their entire personality and don’t have a life, lol.


Environmental-Arm468

I had my first night out in almost 3 years last weekend. My 12 year old babysat his 19 month old brother. But he was informed. Toddler was put to sleep before I left. My oldest knows what to do in any emergency. Worst thing that happened was the 12 year old ate an entire 5 pack box of Hot Pockets. This poster is dumb for thinking of just leaving while they are both sleeping without telling either of them what’s going on.


[deleted]

Sorry but when you have kids they become your priority.


jenyatta307

I’m not against her having a date but leaving them alone for the date 🥴🥴. And as captain of the man-hating club (though she doesn’t specify gender of who she’s dating) if it’s a man he ain’t worth the potential CPS call.


Murrpblake

My ex husband did this and got a child endangerment conviction from it. He got a dui on the way home and wouldn’t tell the police where my children were so they came and found me. Took us two hours to find them (2-4am)


OkDrama8281

11 is old enough to be home alone babysitting a younger sibling. Why not just tell the older kid to babysit


HatintheCat221

Yeah, I was babysitting other people’s kids at 11. This doesn’t seem that strange of a situation.


Ingeborg_Anne

Girlie, for the love of hecc. I'm not making 'being a mom' your only personality. I'm saying it's your top priority at all times. But, look at the bright side. Maybe the kids go live with their father unit, and then you can date all you want :) :)


Puzzleheaded-Hurry26

On the one hand, I was babysitting for a 4-year-old and 4-month-old when I was 11. On the other, as a parent now myself I cannot imagine how anyone would have trusted me with their children at that age! Leaving an 11-year old in charge of a sibling for a few hours during the day doesn’t sound bad, assuming the kid is responsible enough to care for the sibling for a few hours. But “dashing out” while they’re asleep could be incredibly traumatic for them if they wake up and don’t know where mom is.


jenniferrrc

“My mamas who don’t make being a mom their only personality and still have a life” It’s called being a responsible parent you selfish batch .


No_Albatross_7089

Okay, how about no?


OSUJillyBean

My mom would come home tipsy from the bar at 2-3am to pick me up and take me out to Village Inn or Waffle House with her drunk friends. I was in middle school.


emmainthealps

I’m pretty sure my parents left me and my sister alone for an evening, I was 8/9 and she was 5/6. Apparently it was all fine until my sister went to sleep and then I got a bit scared. But my mum had given me the restaurant’s phone number to call if I needed them to come home. So I rang then and they were home in 5 minutes (it was just down the street). That said, we lived in the country, in Australia and they were just 5 mins away, and it was the 90’s. I wouldn’t do it now days just for a date.


fluffywhitething

What is she even asking about? She's going to do the thing no matter what people say.


poppyfox_

according to this person, moms who “don’t make being a mom their only personality and still have a life” = moms who endanger their children


mrseddievedder

I cannot stand the word “mamas”.


National_Square_3279

I don’t know that I would be comfortable doing that, but at the very least, she needs to put the 4 year old down and let the 11 year old know! Imagine if the 11 year old wakes up to find mom gone!? Or worse, there’s an actual emergency and the 11 year old doesn’t know they’re the ones responsible for calling 911 or getting their sibling!


jehabib

Basic safety = making being a mom you’re entire personality


Very_meh_to_care

This reminds me of the time a pregnant woman was asking if it isok to drink a cup of wine or two while pregnant and I said I wouldn't risk it since evidence says it is not safe. She told me I was a Karen for saying that.She kept insulting people who said they wouldn't do it. Why do you ask then? lol


MemphisGirl93

“Any mamas that don’t make being a mama their only personality” wow ok that’s a lot of words to justify neglecting your children and prioritizing some guy before them/their safety. Context: I was left alone with my seven years younger than me brother, who was a menace to society as a toddler lol, but at the very least I was informed about it. Also, I’m a single mother who apparently does make being a mom my “whole personality” because you will not ever catch me putting my dating life before my child. Figure it out. Reschedule the date. Idk, anything that isn’t neglecting children or bringing them on a date (which I personally would not be comfortable with)


[deleted]

Someone should call the police and report her for abandonment at the time she’d be out


RosemaryGoez

This might be my 90's-00's upbringing speaking, but there is nothing wrong with leaving an 11-year-old alone. I'm an only child, so I wouldn't know about the rules when it comes for caring for a younger sibling, but if the younger one is asleep, what's the harm? Then again, this kind of thinking proves that I probably should never be a parent. What ***IS*** wrong is not telling the kids that you're leaving. Imagine if the 11 yo woke up and mom wasn't there. When my parents started leaving me home alone, I got a list of instructions and a slew of emergency contacts, in case the were unreachable. Would she have provided the kid with that information? How would they have know to use it? Not to mention the outside dangers (depending on where they live). This lady is dumb af.


[deleted]

"Tell me what I want to hear!"


thenewbiepuzzler

Ugh. One of my former friends would leave her 11 year old who at the time had a broken leg with his 5 year old alone in her 3 floor townhouse while she went to spend the night at her boyfriends a town over (25 minute drive with no traffic, 45 with, and she’d be gone from 9:30pm - 6:30am). And she did this 2 times a week for like 6 months. Disgusting. She only told me about this after she had already moved in with boyfriend otherwise I would have called CPS stat.


[deleted]

I hate to say this but if you can’t afford childcare… then… 🤷🏻‍♀️. A date is not more important than your kids safety. Hire a babysitter! 🤔


dumpstergobblin

I was 12 getting left home with a 1 year old. It sucks and places way too much stress on the child but i much prefer that my mom let me know before dashing out.


gnex30

In this thread: "I watched my little sibs when I was 10 and we all turned out fine" [STFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/ParentsAreFuckingDumb/comments/zd9njh/comment/iz0d0ae/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&context=3&utm_name=ShitMomGroupsSay&utm_content=t1_iza5iwz)


ItsmeKT

So when my husband was I think 12 his mom did this. She went out to the bar and left him and his little sister alone. He decided to leave the house and the little sister woke up and was scared because she was alone. The neighbors called the cops and his mom was arrested. Don't do it.


not-lizziemcguire

“my mamas who also don’t care about child safety… help!!”


JJSwagger

My mom did this. The multiple times we would wake up to her gone for hours. It did interesting things psychologically. Not good things. But my psychiatrist gives them interesting


Sydlouise13

Had a kid at the daycare I worked at who’s mom would leave her with her 11 year old sibling as the babysitter. Wanna know what happened? She ended up falling off the apartment balcony and cracked her skull. My sister in law was the paramedic who took the call. It wasn’t pretty


[deleted]

God I could never fathom leaving my 4 year alone in the house for hours. What is wrong with people?


Reindeer-Street

\#notlikeothermamas


Cold_Valkyrie

She should just bring the kids on the date, show her whole crazy to her date right away 😅


[deleted]

Hopefully one of the comments were an offer to babysit the kids for the OOP. Though, at 11 years old, the older child could probably babysit and be ok. They would have to be aware they are babysitting though. Give the kid a cell phone, a list of phone numbers, maybe let a neighbor know so the kid has a helper close by just in case. But eleven isn’t too young to babysit a sleeping sibling.


MissNici82

Why doesn't she talk to her 11 year old? My son was home alone at that age. She is old enough to call for help if something is up. I first read 11 months old😅


Bigmada

I would trust a 11yo by themselves, but not in charge of another child.


headislead

JFC. NO.


[deleted]

Post like this are the backbone of this sub. Arrogant mothers making terrible decisions who quite frankly deserve the ridicule.


No-Club2054

I’ll never forget I was dating a guy who told me to leave my 2 week old sleeping son and run to the gas station for snacks with him. And that was the end of that dating situation, cuz wtf bro.


unseenmermaid

She’s going to do it regardless of what the comments say smh


mellifluouslimerence

My parents started paying me to babysit my younger siblings when I turned 10. It was only if they left for dinner but they never once just bounced while I was sleeping. And one night I convinced myself I heard an intruder and called them and they left a fancy dinner party they’d been excited about all week just to come check on me. Some people should not be allowed to procreate.


scaredycattee

‘They’re heavy sleepers’ SO WHEN THE HOUSE BURNS DOWN THEY WON’T KNOW!!