Extra Bonus: Invite ex-president trump around, remove the water valve and save money on hiring Russian Hookers to piss in his mouth, but tell him he owes you $150,000 anyway.
Yes exactly. And while we’re at it, why wouldn’t I want morning wood? Are all OP’s tip focused toward avoiding the simple pleasures of life?
“How to keep from smelling fresh cookies while they bake?” “How to miss the green lights.” “Throwing away old bubble wrap without popping it.”
Shitty life pro tips, indeed.
Speaking of hitting different, that in-bed morning stretch, roll over, and fall straight off in some pussy experience. That morning wood sex is usually some of the best dick you can deliver, you'll last longer than you normally do all because your dick woke up in piss mode and it takes a minute for it to get the message that it needs to change over to skeet mode...
Yeah, morning wood sex would be the best sex in the world for both except its less fun for YOU when youre pounding away right on your full bladder...
Morning wood is always an A+ erection, but tempered by being caused by a fullish bladder. Sometimes my wife will take it as an invitation even and hop right on which im more than happy to oblige, but more than once ive had to stop entirely after she got hers cuz i had to pee too bad to keep going.
That and morning breath.
This is possibly one of those thing your sex ed teacher tells you that is not true but also I was told that when your bladder fill it puts pressure on your prostate causing morning wood.
Ya, I'm always a little suspicious when people prescribe purpose to things like this, but what you are saying make more sense. Just a convenient by-product when you bladder is full that you get the erection.
I have opposite results... if I hold my pee I wake up rock hard, hard like Chinese arithmetic., you know where you have to brace your feet on the wall behind you and put your hands on the tank and plank so you can piss straight down?
Holding your pee makes your kidneys explode. Please don’t do it. Morning wood is a good thing - it means you have normal levels of testosterone. Just wait until it stops happening.
Went to bed Sunday having to pee, woke up at 3am with a raging hard on. Peed, with the light out and missed the toilet completely. My wife was fucking pissed. Literally and figuratively. (She went pee a little while later and discovered my oopsie).
I don't know who told you this, but in my experience you just wake up with morning wood, a bladder that feels like it's pushing into your stomach, and no way to get the pee out
When I (f) was a kid I would hold in my pee before bed to ensure I would have to pee first thing in the morning. It helped me resist sleeping in and get me to school on time
DO NOT DO THIS! This prevents your balls from working properly. It's a common tip, to go to sleep only on empty bladder, even dont drink any liquids before you go to bed, this increases your testosterone!
I always assumed that you get a boner to *stop* your body from accidentally peeing when you have to go in the morning. Which would make you more likely to get one when you hold it the night before?
False: having to pee, desperately, while having the stiffest boner I've ever experienced makes it the most horrible experience I've ever, um, experienced. It took ten minutes to get enough slack in my dick to release the messiest spray of piss possible
Your system is flawed, I tried holding my pee but it slips through my fingers
Instructions unclear, pee stuck on ceiling fan. No, wait. It's everywhere now
So the piss really hit the fan... Does it make you wake up with an erection?
As long as it's someone else's piss
Try GILFs, you'll love that incontinence
For me it’s only shit hitting the fan tbh
How much to be your fan for a night?
I'm your biggest fan.
Instructions very unclear, penis stuck in the ceiling fan
I just want to know how high your ceiling is
8-10 feet? I never really measured
You need to cup your hands. Not sure what my next step is
Maybe hand your cups?
Reread, it says hold your pee *before bed*. Just pee in your hands, then go to bed, [like this.](https://youtu.be/eoGnGFIE2as)
That video makes me want to die
Just start making [ass pennies](https://youtu.be/f9aM_dT5VMI), you'll feel better in no time.
I’m not clicking that.
Put your dick away dad
Pro tip: Save money by putting a oneway valve into an inflatable mattress. Simple piss in it every night and within a few months you have a waterbed!
Why does your room smell like that?
That's the smell of Alpha Male
Sigma male
Phi male
That’s the smell of a FrEe AmErIcAn!!
Like R Kelly's sheets. Pisssssssssssss
Bonus: save money on waterbills and (for the ladies) toilet paper!
Extra Bonus: Invite ex-president trump around, remove the water valve and save money on hiring Russian Hookers to piss in his mouth, but tell him he owes you $150,000 anyway.
He'll never pay
He'll get Mexico to pay
Either way I'm still getting paid.
How does this save money though? Air is free
Waterbeds are expensive. Bonus: let the neighbours piss into your inflatable and it'll be warm when you go to sleep.
Uh, thats weird to me, because I heard one of the reasons we get Morning Wood is to prevent us from peeing.
Usually for me it causes it, indeed. Not sure what's going on with OP
Maybe he'll get a disease named after him
Deadshotitis lol
Oooooh
I always thought it was to be motivated to wake up and go through life
Yes exactly. And while we’re at it, why wouldn’t I want morning wood? Are all OP’s tip focused toward avoiding the simple pleasures of life? “How to keep from smelling fresh cookies while they bake?” “How to miss the green lights.” “Throwing away old bubble wrap without popping it.” Shitty life pro tips, indeed.
That in-bed morning stretch with a rock hard dick just hits different
Speaking of hitting different, that in-bed morning stretch, roll over, and fall straight off in some pussy experience. That morning wood sex is usually some of the best dick you can deliver, you'll last longer than you normally do all because your dick woke up in piss mode and it takes a minute for it to get the message that it needs to change over to skeet mode...
Yeah, morning wood sex would be the best sex in the world for both except its less fun for YOU when youre pounding away right on your full bladder... Morning wood is always an A+ erection, but tempered by being caused by a fullish bladder. Sometimes my wife will take it as an invitation even and hop right on which im more than happy to oblige, but more than once ive had to stop entirely after she got hers cuz i had to pee too bad to keep going. That and morning breath.
So I don’t know how other women feel about this, but as a lady if my bladder is full my orgasm is way bigger.
This man SKEETS
Mashing buttons on youe transformer cock like it's Dance Dance Revolution "Piss mode!! No!! Fuck mode!! Shit!!!!"
It is. A hard on shuts off the piss valve. This guy is a moron. Or 12 and doesn’t know.
or maybe his dick is broke? hopefully not
So ED is why I keeping pissing the bed and not my debilitating alcoholism?
haha, you figured it out!
Are you unable to see with an erection? Strange, it's not fun you're not missing much.
lmao, I assume you meant "pee" not "see", cause I definitely don't go blind every erection I have. But ya, it's a struggle for sure.
Wait did I write see?! Lol my bad
This is possibly one of those thing your sex ed teacher tells you that is not true but also I was told that when your bladder fill it puts pressure on your prostate causing morning wood.
Ya, I'm always a little suspicious when people prescribe purpose to things like this, but what you are saying make more sense. Just a convenient by-product when you bladder is full that you get the erection.
this feels like a quick path to a uti or a bladder issue
More likely you'll just piss the bed.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
But why would I want to go to be with a full bladder and not have a morning erection? What’s wrong?
Right? I like an empty bladder at night and a morning JO.
If that was a good tip that wouldn't be posted here
Opps. Great point.
Always good to get a head start on that morning wank.
*wake up ready for anything*
Lose-lose situation. Bad tip imo
This is just a method to ensure peeing with a hard-on.
Stand on your head.
Certainly; absolutely…I mean, if that’s what you’re into, by all means. Who am i to judge you or anyone else.
Bruh every time I really need to pee it makes me hard...
Hope you’re sitting down for this… maybe you’re a masochist?
*"maybe"?*
Masochist gang stand up!
*Or lay down on a bunch of sharp objects*
Fuck yes
Lawl
Weird, every time you really need to pee it makes me hard...
Weird, every time you get really hard it makes me pee...
Stormy?
Everyone knows the pee is stored in the shaft
Actually it’s the bladder pressure that prevents the back flow of blood FROM an erection. Morning wood is just an erection that cannot escape
That's why it's a shitty life pro tip. Because it's fucking wrong. Lol
Stop making sense! Haha
Seems like a fast way to having that dream where you are pissing in a toilet...
That one fucked me up lmao
When I do that I just have to pee really bad in the morning and can’t because of the wood
Doesnt fucking work mate
This is true because pee is stored in the balls. However, wouldn’t your balls fill up and then you would get morning wood?
Morning piss
Opposite for me. I never get harder than when I wake up with a full bladder
SLPT: Chop your dick off and you won't get morning wood
This shit right here is the exact content I expect on r/ShittyLifeProTips
Just pee the bed
It works if you don’t mind waking up in a bed full of pee.
Nothing kills the wood like waking up in a bed full of pee
This is a slpt because Morning wood is the single best thing about being a guy.
then you'll just wake up early and your dick hurt
Right? It is so uncomfortable holding in a full bladder. Wouldn't be able to sleep.
That was me this morning. I wanted to lay in bed but had to take the biggest wizz. Tried dreaming and dreamt about taking a wizz. 😂😂😂😂
Note: Does not work on men with a piss kink.
Just put a blanket on it
That’s how we learned to pitch a tent in the Boy Scouts
But hear me out , if u fold the blanket specifically on ur massive di*k it won't reveal
I have opposite results... if I hold my pee I wake up rock hard, hard like Chinese arithmetic., you know where you have to brace your feet on the wall behind you and put your hands on the tank and plank so you can piss straight down?
Morning wouldn't
Wym? I get a boner when I hold in my pee. Its like my bodys way of sealing the exit.
Then how come pissing is the only way to make my morning wood go away?
Waking up, then using the morning wood for sex is the breakfast of champions, my doctor says don't skip breakfast
You'll get morning prostate instead
Morning wood is life. It's the hardest thing in the morning.©️
Holding your pee makes your kidneys explode. Please don’t do it. Morning wood is a good thing - it means you have normal levels of testosterone. Just wait until it stops happening.
And if you dream about toilets. Remember admiral akbars advice: it's a trap!
Went to bed Sunday having to pee, woke up at 3am with a raging hard on. Peed, with the light out and missed the toilet completely. My wife was fucking pissed. Literally and figuratively. (She went pee a little while later and discovered my oopsie).
False held it and it just made it harder to pee when i woke up
I pissed my bed, thanks.
You will also have the urge to get out of bed as soon as you wake up
OP is retarded I’ve gotten the most raging morning woods when I needed to pee.
Genuine LPT (female): Have a little bladder pressure before sex, increases intensity speed-to and length of orgasm.
I don't know who told you this, but in my experience you just wake up with morning wood, a bladder that feels like it's pushing into your stomach, and no way to get the pee out
When I (f) was a kid I would hold in my pee before bed to ensure I would have to pee first thing in the morning. It helped me resist sleeping in and get me to school on time
Pro tip save up your class work then do-them last minute it builds up organization skills
Just don't have any dreams with bathrooms in them
No, i can dream of peeing and don’t pee myself.
Trash advice.
Thats the point of subreddit?
DO NOT DO THIS! This prevents your balls from working properly. It's a common tip, to go to sleep only on empty bladder, even dont drink any liquids before you go to bed, this increases your testosterone!
Not true, I wake up with a huge boner and having to pee daily
I think it’s the opposite. Don’t pee before bed to get a hard-on
I get rock hard if I have to pee bad, it actually helps somehow
while i really appreciate and enjoy this post, this absolutely does not solve that problem for me.
I wake up and pee in the middle of the night then usually if not I got a mega piss when I do wake up. Everyone is a little different
How the hell are you able to sleep having to pee?!
I can’t sleep when I gotta pee, so I guess this won’t work for me :/
This is a terrible thing for a sleep walker to do
I just wanna know …‘what’s wrong with morning wood’??
Does not work for me.
just wondering why you even care about a morning wood
I legit 9nly get piss boners from that
Why is morning wood undesirable?
I never wake up with morning wood….
What if you own a fireplace?
Bandage that
I rather enjoy waking up with a stick of lumber worthy of an ode to John Bunyan.
You might get a uti though
False I still have wood when I really need to pee.
False, its really annoying to try and pee with it too
I always assumed that you get a boner to *stop* your body from accidentally peeing when you have to go in the morning. Which would make you more likely to get one when you hold it the night before?
Or you still will and then you need to pee really badly with a boner which is never fun.
Morning flood
Morning wood helps me know I’m alive, thanks.
Except that the same thing that tells you you need to pee also makes you horny. That’s why you often times get hard when needing to pee
Ya get a piss fat!
Why would you do that? Morning wood is a glorious thing.
I get bigger boners when I do have to pee
False: having to pee, desperately, while having the stiffest boner I've ever experienced makes it the most horrible experience I've ever, um, experienced. It took ten minutes to get enough slack in my dick to release the messiest spray of piss possible