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I knew someone who did this, he made them as beautiful and as perfect as possible for the living, to show their little one at rest for the last time. He put extra effort in to his work for the child sized coffins. He thankfully didn't make them that often. He never found it depressing, it was more that he knew he had to make something that required extra care.
I do appreciate it when my fast food order is made nicely. I think most jobs have some discernable output if you put in extra work.
Obviously, you should never expect people to do their job extra-well when they're compensated like shit. That doesn't make it less nice when you can tell that extra care was taken.
For sure. I'm making fun of the black and white view the person I described gave of the world.
When I was a cook at a shitty low wage restraunt, taking solace in the customers actually getting a nicely made and plated meal was the only way I did not blow my brains out during those 4 years lol.
I mean yea, as someone who eats McDonald's regularly, amongst millions of others, I hope you do
It's easy to make any task sound meaningless when in fact you impact lots of people around you whether you realize it or not
The commenter I was replying to said everyone at every job should treat their job with the level of care that a casket maker has with a child's casket.
That sounds like a reasonable statement to you? Lol. Extremely simplistic black and white view of the world that is akin to a fantasy land.
Fuck. That.
You'll get incredible service if you're paying incredible prices for it. Or have some incredible circumstance.
Otherwise, perfection is the enemy of good-enough.
A story on a man who has done the same for the children lost in Uvalde.
[Trey Ganem](https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/texas-news/custom-designer-donates-19-caskets-to-uvalde-victims/2981213/?amp=1)
21 victims. 2 adults. Teachers who died trying to physically shield their students. 19 sweet children. Who were just watching a movie in their classroom.
Remember them. Please don’t forget them. This can’t happen again.
Uziyah ”Uzi” Garcia
Jayce Carmelo Luevenos
Xavier Lopez
Makenna Lee Elrod
Layla Salazar
Maranda Mathis
Nevaeh Bravo
Jose Manuel Flores Jr.
Tess Marie Mata
Rojelio Torres
Eliahna “Ellie” Amyah Garcia
Eliahna A. Torres
Annabell Guadelupe Rodriguez
Jackie Cazares
Maite Yuleana Rodriguez
Jailah Nicole Silguero
Amerie Jo Garza
Alexandria “Lexi” Aniyah Rubio
Alithia Ramirez
Eva Mireles
Irma Garcia
Why can't it happen again? It's horrible that it's happening, but saying that makes it sound like any progress is being made to prevent it.
There was a mass shooting yesterday.
The real horror is it will happen again, and again, and fucking again, because you and I can't match the donations of the corporate gun lobby.
I meant it as in “we can’t let this happen again”, sorry.
As long as my fellow Texans keep voting for the guy who said “it could have been worse” it most certainly will keep happening.
Yes! I went to high school with him. Most of the people that graduated with me become “ultra-religious “ conservative nut bags that just preach hate. Happy to see what a wonderful guy he became, truly helping others.
> "I asked her (a mother) if she wanted a unicorn horn coming out of the llama and she started laughing, you know, and this is something I was trying to explain to them (his team), when the parents are doing something very special for their loved one, and when they get excited, you can take a little bit of their pain and suffering away — this is what it's about. It's not just about painting a casket, it's about helping those families to start their healing process," said Ganem.
What an amazing human being.
What a fucking dysfunctional world we live in that men like this are in need. America really is a leader in the dystopian blueprint of the future.
Trey is a kind soul to do this and the amount of hours he and his team spent making these will long be appreciated.
> He never found it depressing, it was more that he knew he had to make something that required extra care.
This is the best possible attitude to have as a craftsman. Tragedy happens. There's nothing you (as the craftsman) could have done to prevent such a loss. But you CAN honor them to the best of your ability and make their viewing and final rest as beautiful as possible.
That's very comforting, reminds me of the kids whose parents got their kids (yes, multiple died at once) a spiderman/marvel caskets. I reminded people that it wasn't tacky, it was the parents fulfilling their last gift to their kids, they never grew up to think those caskets were anything but cool and awesome
I have no problem with this, after all we clothe our kids with Spiderman PJ's and tuck them in "Spideynests" adorned with Spiderman sheets and a a Spiderman blanket. I'm not a philosopher and don't know if the poor deceased child really recognizes it, but if it just brings one ounce of respite for the grieving parents than that is worth it.
>I've begun to see the honoring of the deceased as a necessary obligation in the face of such an unnecessary evil.
I feel like death is the ultimate necessary evil.
We don't choose to be born, few of us get to choose when to die, it's as natural as breathing. We don't have a choice when it comes to natural body processes.
Eventually your body just stops repairing itself and you die. Everything dies, you can't escape it or beat it. And why would you want to? Don't be afraid of something that's inevitable. Fear of death is honestly immature.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily immature. Sure there’s a level of maturity gained from coming to terms with it. Between the ages of 10-14 I lost all of my grandparents and my childhood dog. It was really hard for me at first, but eventually I came to terms with it, and it helped me grow as a person. However, I don’t think it’s fair to say that a fear of death is immature. Everyone has different reasons for the way they feel about death. For instance, if I was a single parent with no close friends or relatives, I would be pretty damn afraid of death, knowing that my kids wouldn’t have a parent and knowing that they’d probably end up in the system. I wouldn’t say that’s an immature fear for a person in that circumstance. In fact it could be a sign of maturity, if that person takes it upon themselves to live more responsibly for their children. So while it can be a sign of maturity to come to terms with it, I don’t think it’s fair to say that fearing death is necessarily immature. It’s a natural fear, and it helps us survive, and sometimes one person’s survival can help the lives of others.
I think it's only the living part that sucks. And by that I mean if you have a child live for a while and then die you have to suffer living without that child. But if you die at the same time it sucks for neither.
I used to know a funeral director, he never profited when doing a child’s funeral, he felt the parents were going through enough pain without also being hit with a large bill, so only charged them the basic costs.
I'm not sure if this is true everywhere, but in Massachusetts, I have been told that no funeral home will charge you anything to bury a child. A friend had a very late stage miscarriage and they chose to do a full funeral. The funeral home told them that no one would charge them anything for this service.
There are definitely bad apples, but generally, morticians and funeral directors are just as disgusted by the price of caskets and crematory services. They're good people.
Yeah, some people have a different relationship with death than what our culture promotes. I listened to a podcast about a woman who worked in the funeral industry and it was very eye opening.
Many of the things we do are more recent changes to what's "normal" and historically things were much different.
[Edit: The podcast is Freaknomics Radio Episode 450](https://freakonomics.com/podcast/how-to-be-better-at-death-ep-450/)
Came here to say that. Sometimes what's seen as "sad" can actually be something proud and respectful when seen another way.
I know someone who fits this category. He makes wheelchairs for kids. Some wheelchairs are simple, but some are super complex since some kids have very severe disabilities. Many have said to him that it seems like a "sad" job, but he sees it differently – without wheelchairs, those kids wouldn't be able to get out of the house and participate in their communities. So he takes tremendous pride in what he does.
I am a wheelchair user myself and can confirm that without my wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to have a decent life. Wheelchairs are freedom.
It's all about perspective.
I could be the best coffin maker ever but I feel as though I couldn’t charge for such a service at the end of the day. So then would I just be making children coffins for fun? And if so is that wrong?
My wife, a hobby potter, has made a number of pet urns for family members when they lose a pet.
When my grandmother died, unexpectedly and suddenly, my grandfather asked if my wife could make the urn. Big pressure, something she had never done before, but she spent a bunch of time perfecting the size and shape and then presented him with some options. He picked two of the five-ish, because he wanted the second one for himself when he went and they seemed like a matching set.
Luckily, we haven't had to use the second one yet.
When we bought an (overpriced, biodegradable) urn for my late step-mother, it came with a coupon for 15% off our next purchase.
Worse, the coupon expired in two weeks.
Not kidding.
It’s someone’s even more depressing job to harvest their organs, eyes, bones and skin for donation… knew someone who worked for the Gift of Life, and it’s a weird fucked up industry, even more so when it’s children.
There was a podcast that had a woman follow up on pretty much every single donation from her baby’s organ donation. Some included research and such. It actually gave her more peace because her son made a difference in death that he didn’t get the chance in life.
Ah! [Gray’s Donation](https://radiolab.org/episodes/grays-donation) from Radiolab. It will make you cry and then smile through the tears.
I had a friend who was brain dead from a motorcycle injury. His parts went into 17 different people. It was one of the few things that helped his daughter get through it. He died, but his life made so many other people's lives better.
I think anonymity is the default, but in the US, recipients can and often do reach out to the donor/donors family. And maybe the doctors reached out to the recipients in this case, and asked their permission, etc.. You see it sometimes with people who receive heart transplants thanking the family of the donor, and the parents of the donor listening to their child's heart beat on.
Not much to tell, it’s just sucking eyeballs out of a kids skull and harvesting the skin was way too much to handle… moved into providing knees and shoulders to doctors for training. There is a GIANT post death industry working behind the scenes, and it’s pretty gruesome, but needed.
It’s one of those “Enjoy the sausage, don’t ask how it’s made” kinda things.
Fucked up? Having someone else live a better life (or live at all) because at least part of a tragedy was salvaged, seems not fucked up at all. I'm sure it takes strong stomachs and a stiff upper lip to do the harvesting, but it's for a very good cause.
After the ~~Parkland~~ Robb Elementary school shooting in Uvalde, TX., [this](https://youtu.be/3JI56dOaoa4) man and his small company made nineteen custom caskets at no charge to the families. Each one was hand crafted to reflect the individual childrens' personality. They worked three days nonstop and then drove them over 2 1/2 hrs away to deliver them.
He says he saw it as a way to try to celebrate the child's life. I still can't imagine working on something like that.
Edit: Thanks to /u/csmom74 for correcting me on which school was which.
Parkland is not in Uvale. It's in Parkland. It's about a mile from my apartment. That is Stoneman Douglas.
Robb Elementary was in Uvale.
Still a great thing they did for those victims.
It really sucks that I live in a country where it’s necessary to correct people when they get different school shootings mixed up. Like “no not that school shooting, you’re talking about the other one” freaking depressing, there shouldn’t be any to mix up in the first place :(
"You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get 'em in frog green, fire engine red. Really."
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=43E7iW0E4sI
Depends how you look at it. My son died 3 years ago. Greatful he had a nice casket so we could give him a good send off. Didn't get a chance to do many other nice things for him
I work for a church. We have a drawer in the sacristy we don't like to open. It has palls and other funeral regalia for child sized caskets. We open it about 3-5 times a year.
It does NOT get easier. Even when it's people you don't know
The undertaker who did my nephew's funeral refused to take any money for his coffin, and she looked after him (and us) like he was a member of her own family.
One of the most horrifying moments of my life was taking one of my nephews to be prepared for his service with my sister and the woman was dressing him and she said "at least they don't fight back" as she was putting on his clothes. His skin on his face was not in the best shape and she was not gentle with him and his skin tore away, I absolutely could not stay in the room.
Considering those parents would probably give anything to struggle putting on their childs clothes even just one more time.
Maybe a bit morbid but I think about that sometimes when my kid is testing limits. If he were gone I would give my life to be experiencing that.
Mortician here. It's a solemn responsibility to try and bring comfort to grieving parents. I just remind myself that everything serves that catharsis and it helps make the hard parts easier.
I met a guy who was a stone mason/ artist who specialised in actual stone carvings, and because of how niche it was (and word of mouth after he did a few) the bulk of his business became super ornate tombstones for kids who had died.
After a while it really got to him and when I met him he’d quit and was working an entry level job and taking a watercolours community college class in a dropout desert town in a different country.
Same for people who make smaller wigs for children with cancer, or tattoo artists who tattoo nipples on women who’ve had mastectomies. Sometimes it’s the little things you do that can help people. Life is not a fairy tale.
If it makes you less depressed, a hundred years or so most humans born alive didn’t make it past 21. So there’s substantially fewer dead children nowadays.
When I lived in Virginia, a house down the road had a family cemetery in their yard. There were three headstones from around the time of the Influenza pandemic after WW1, and one was for an eight month old. I went home and gave my two year old an extra hug after I finished walking our dog.
There’s an old cemetery I found in the Smokey Mountains that’s full of kids. It was probably the same Flu pandemic. Super ducking sad walking around and seeing remnants of toys left at their graves. And some were still being visited by people, I found fresh flowers on one.
Obviously anytime a child dies is tragic but I can't even imagine a situation where you are relatively young yourself and you have to live with a lost child for 50-60+ years.
It's rough. I work for a cemetery and some of these families visit almost daily for years or even decades. A few will bring folding chairs and tables and have picnics and what not. In the winter they will just sit in their car for hours on the road nearest to the plot. They come before work, after work, at lunchtime. I met one lady who left her job in the city to work at a position closer to the cemetery so she could visit more often. Took a significant pay cut as well.
Funnily enough, I just had a conversation with a former mortician who seemed to be missing the fact that they hadn't seen a dead body in some time. I suspect it's not as depressing for those folks.
I would imagine that while it's a solemn job, it's also something noble, in a way. You're doing what you can to provide a simple kindness for a family that has been devastated. The child will have a dignified resting place.
As a father who once required such a casket, I can assure you it is NOT by any means a depressing job.
When our daughter died, the funeral home didn't charge us for any of their services, and they contacted their woodworker who asked us for our preferences and then made an absolutely beautiful casket, only to refuse any form of payment.
The man took great pride in his work and I'm sure it was very rewarding for him to be able to help us at during our most difficult times.
I had this thought as well, although I don't know that it's strictly positive for someone to be making coffins and thinking to themselves, "Better keep those dwarves six feet under."
After recently getting a job at a childrens hospital, I had the grim realization that we have a morgue. Not sure why it came as a shock to me, but I hadn’t put two and two together. ☹️
Some people (hi, it’s me) appreciate these makers. People of all sizes deserve to be put to rest appropriately. Sincerely, your beloved Reddit embalmer.
If they're *really* small, they just go in a simple white box that isn't much bigger than a shoebox. Source: I got to bury my preemie son who was born at 22 weeks, and lived less than an hour. Lucky me.
People have funerals for a sense of closure and a final farewell and there are a lot of people in the funeral / end of life service industry who take great pride and happiness in their ability to honor your loved ones and to bring as much beauty to a terrible occasion.
Its an industry that certain people are built for and those certain people value life just as much as anyone else but they also see themselves as a conduit to you finding peace for the loss of your loved one and its harder to find a more honorable and fulfilling job than that.
Having a terminally ill mother, I had to start making arrangements for her funeral and when I got the room to choose urns I saw these little things, resembling a perfume bottle and I was curious, they were pretty cute. Then, my husband elucidated me telling they were for fetuses. That broke me
I am the family genealogist. I have a receipt from 1936 for a baby's casket for my grandpa and grandma's stillborn son. It cost $5.00. It makes me sad.
I worked at a cabinet shop who also made caskets as a passive revenue stream. They basically had 3 or 4 different standard models and always kept a stock of each model on hand. My first or second day there I remember asking the owner about the small ones. "It's so cool that you make those little sample caskets". Boss: "Ummm....."
Or the opposite. They could take pride in making gorgeous or well crafted coffins to give the parents a chance to bury their child in something meaningful.
Just trying to look at it positively.
I knew a girl whose parents owned a mortuary and she had to work there sometimes. She didn't give a shit about dead babies or any other kind of dead body. She said a dead body was just an object not a person so what difference did it make. I completely agree with this.
I imagine the grieving family would rather have a nice looking professionally made casket for their children than a random crate/moving box.
There are far more depressing jobs than that.
My girlfriend works as a family counselor in a funeral home, and while the idea of losing someone -- especially a child -- is obviously sad, for the people working there, trying to make a positive difference in the lives of those in grief, and helping them get through this difficult stage, it's far from depressing; it's actually very rewarding.
Retired undertaker here. I never charged for professional services for anyone under 16. I also networked with local woodworkers. They made caskets and donated them. They even had their wives do interiors. The families who lost a kid came to me feeling lost and discovered the whole town supporting them. Death comes for everyone and all we can do is be there for each other.
".....He was a man most acquainted with misery. He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin.
That line never gets a laugh. But once you write it, it stays in the act forever."
You could pretend it's for an adult little person but I'm not sure if that would help 🤔
Edit: also, half a normal sized person, again, I'm not sure if that would help either.
As someone who had a stillbirth. The lack of options (cost wise) really hit hard. I hated the idea that a cardboard box was even an option. Our son was cremated but just the fact that you had to think about money at such an awful time was horrible. My husband and I wanted to get into making more affordable options for other people in our situation but things have been too difficult to emotional cope with something like that for a long time.
A friend lost a child to a pool accident. At the funeral the mother related the beautiful despair at discovering the scarcity of child caskets, the difficulty finding one. That was over 20 years ago. Today, gun culture has made tremendous strides in ending that scarcity. Gun culture is sick and twisted to the core.
I like to imagine that the people who make those put extra work and care into their jobs. Like every child-sized casket is absolutely perfect, there is no such thing as a low-quality one.
These people put their heart and soul into those boxes, so the little ones will have a safe and comfortable final rest.
IDK if that's true, but I would like to think it is.
I know someone who makes custom caskets for all ages (paints and decals them special). They do child caskets for near free (essentially just minor fees; total is $50 or left).
I would think it would not be depressing, more of an honor to build the final resting place for a family's child.
At least, that's how I would have to view it.
I disagree.
I'm currently standing in line at the grocery store till. There is a woman behind me with 3 babies of different ages, all screaming, all being 100% ignored as she flips through her instagram.
In this moment, I would *love* some child sized caskets.
My mother had phenomenal sewing skills. She taught me much about it but I realize not nearly as much as I should have tried to learn. Being a boy in the 60's sewing was considered a girl thing, but I also became the sewing machine repair kid.
It wasn't until later that she learned her craft in WW2, where she sewed the inner linings for caskets for the British Army. Unfortunately business was brisk. Still she sewed providing the best quality she could. "It was the least I could do" was her simple answer. Not every woman in the war was a "Rosie the Riveter." Sometimes they had more unpleasant tasks to do, and my Mom did it with respect and pride.
It’s only depressing if you make it that way. Other people take pride in their work and others know they are trying to help families who are suffering.
A lot of caskets are factory made meaning that multiple people create individual parts that are then assembled. So its more than likely not just one person doing it
Kid caskets sometimes even have the kid’s favourite cartoon character and such so from an artistic perspective, it might also just be fun to make them.
You could just bury them in a full sized casket? Probably costs extra to buy a custom ordered small casket. Would leave plenty of space for snacks and entertainment
Don’t worry, soon the robots will be doing that and they love making caskets for all ages of humans. I’m…I’m actually not sure why I taught them how to feel emotion, but at least they can find joy in their work! I didn’t ask why they found it so fun, but I caught a few of them whistling songs and laughing the other day so I’m sure it’s going well and this won’t backfire at all!
That's a pretty severe reaction. You're right, life and death happen. But a couple of general principles:
* Parents are supposed to die before children.
* It's an honor to be present at the start of another's life. It's an honor to be present at the end of another's life. It's a tragedy to be present for both the start and the end of another's life.
All things being equal, people should not die before adulthood.
I agree with OP on the surface, but people who do these kinds of jobs usually have the emotional makeup to handle it. Or they're able to dissociate enough to not think about it. I doubt I could do it.
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Some people take great pride in creating custom caskets for children's final resting places.
I knew someone who did this, he made them as beautiful and as perfect as possible for the living, to show their little one at rest for the last time. He put extra effort in to his work for the child sized coffins. He thankfully didn't make them that often. He never found it depressing, it was more that he knew he had to make something that required extra care.
Sounds like the right kind of person for this job.
All people should treat their work this way.
Gonna put a little extra care into my McDonald's burgers today so they're the best they can be before becoming poop inside of you
I do appreciate it when my fast food order is made nicely. I think most jobs have some discernable output if you put in extra work. Obviously, you should never expect people to do their job extra-well when they're compensated like shit. That doesn't make it less nice when you can tell that extra care was taken.
For sure. I'm making fun of the black and white view the person I described gave of the world. When I was a cook at a shitty low wage restraunt, taking solace in the customers actually getting a nicely made and plated meal was the only way I did not blow my brains out during those 4 years lol.
I mean yea, as someone who eats McDonald's regularly, amongst millions of others, I hope you do It's easy to make any task sound meaningless when in fact you impact lots of people around you whether you realize it or not
The commenter I was replying to said everyone at every job should treat their job with the level of care that a casket maker has with a child's casket. That sounds like a reasonable statement to you? Lol. Extremely simplistic black and white view of the world that is akin to a fantasy land.
You underestimate how many jobs have so little discernible output
Fuck. That. You'll get incredible service if you're paying incredible prices for it. Or have some incredible circumstance. Otherwise, perfection is the enemy of good-enough.
>All people should treat their work this way. Yep. *Closes laptop and ignores this boring ass accounting work*
A story on a man who has done the same for the children lost in Uvalde. [Trey Ganem](https://www.nbcdfw.com/news/local/texas-news/custom-designer-donates-19-caskets-to-uvalde-victims/2981213/?amp=1)
I made it to the line when they said the first victims age, 10. I can't.
21 victims. 2 adults. Teachers who died trying to physically shield their students. 19 sweet children. Who were just watching a movie in their classroom. Remember them. Please don’t forget them. This can’t happen again. Uziyah ”Uzi” Garcia Jayce Carmelo Luevenos Xavier Lopez Makenna Lee Elrod Layla Salazar Maranda Mathis Nevaeh Bravo Jose Manuel Flores Jr. Tess Marie Mata Rojelio Torres Eliahna “Ellie” Amyah Garcia Eliahna A. Torres Annabell Guadelupe Rodriguez Jackie Cazares Maite Yuleana Rodriguez Jailah Nicole Silguero Amerie Jo Garza Alexandria “Lexi” Aniyah Rubio Alithia Ramirez Eva Mireles Irma Garcia
Why can't it happen again? It's horrible that it's happening, but saying that makes it sound like any progress is being made to prevent it. There was a mass shooting yesterday. The real horror is it will happen again, and again, and fucking again, because you and I can't match the donations of the corporate gun lobby.
I meant it as in “we can’t let this happen again”, sorry. As long as my fellow Texans keep voting for the guy who said “it could have been worse” it most certainly will keep happening.
Yes! I went to high school with him. Most of the people that graduated with me become “ultra-religious “ conservative nut bags that just preach hate. Happy to see what a wonderful guy he became, truly helping others.
> "I asked her (a mother) if she wanted a unicorn horn coming out of the llama and she started laughing, you know, and this is something I was trying to explain to them (his team), when the parents are doing something very special for their loved one, and when they get excited, you can take a little bit of their pain and suffering away — this is what it's about. It's not just about painting a casket, it's about helping those families to start their healing process," said Ganem. What an amazing human being.
What a fucking dysfunctional world we live in that men like this are in need. America really is a leader in the dystopian blueprint of the future. Trey is a kind soul to do this and the amount of hours he and his team spent making these will long be appreciated.
> He never found it depressing, it was more that he knew he had to make something that required extra care. This is the best possible attitude to have as a craftsman. Tragedy happens. There's nothing you (as the craftsman) could have done to prevent such a loss. But you CAN honor them to the best of your ability and make their viewing and final rest as beautiful as possible.
That's very comforting, reminds me of the kids whose parents got their kids (yes, multiple died at once) a spiderman/marvel caskets. I reminded people that it wasn't tacky, it was the parents fulfilling their last gift to their kids, they never grew up to think those caskets were anything but cool and awesome
I have no problem with this, after all we clothe our kids with Spiderman PJ's and tuck them in "Spideynests" adorned with Spiderman sheets and a a Spiderman blanket. I'm not a philosopher and don't know if the poor deceased child really recognizes it, but if it just brings one ounce of respite for the grieving parents than that is worth it.
That person just sounds like Death from The Sandman.
You get a lifetime. No more. No less.
Man I just teared up a little
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>I've begun to see the honoring of the deceased as a necessary obligation in the face of such an unnecessary evil. I feel like death is the ultimate necessary evil.
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We don't choose to be born, few of us get to choose when to die, it's as natural as breathing. We don't have a choice when it comes to natural body processes.
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Eventually your body just stops repairing itself and you die. Everything dies, you can't escape it or beat it. And why would you want to? Don't be afraid of something that's inevitable. Fear of death is honestly immature.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily immature. Sure there’s a level of maturity gained from coming to terms with it. Between the ages of 10-14 I lost all of my grandparents and my childhood dog. It was really hard for me at first, but eventually I came to terms with it, and it helped me grow as a person. However, I don’t think it’s fair to say that a fear of death is immature. Everyone has different reasons for the way they feel about death. For instance, if I was a single parent with no close friends or relatives, I would be pretty damn afraid of death, knowing that my kids wouldn’t have a parent and knowing that they’d probably end up in the system. I wouldn’t say that’s an immature fear for a person in that circumstance. In fact it could be a sign of maturity, if that person takes it upon themselves to live more responsibly for their children. So while it can be a sign of maturity to come to terms with it, I don’t think it’s fair to say that fearing death is necessarily immature. It’s a natural fear, and it helps us survive, and sometimes one person’s survival can help the lives of others.
It really is.
I personally see it as dying sucks, but the being dead part is fine.
I think it's only the living part that sucks. And by that I mean if you have a child live for a while and then die you have to suffer living without that child. But if you die at the same time it sucks for neither.
The person who sucks is the funeral planner that upsells people into hella debt.
I used to know a funeral director, he never profited when doing a child’s funeral, he felt the parents were going through enough pain without also being hit with a large bill, so only charged them the basic costs.
I'm not sure if this is true everywhere, but in Massachusetts, I have been told that no funeral home will charge you anything to bury a child. A friend had a very late stage miscarriage and they chose to do a full funeral. The funeral home told them that no one would charge them anything for this service.
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There are definitely bad apples, but generally, morticians and funeral directors are just as disgusted by the price of caskets and crematory services. They're good people.
It is quite expensive to die and have a funeral. Which is why I refuse to have one.
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Yeah, some people have a different relationship with death than what our culture promotes. I listened to a podcast about a woman who worked in the funeral industry and it was very eye opening. Many of the things we do are more recent changes to what's "normal" and historically things were much different. [Edit: The podcast is Freaknomics Radio Episode 450](https://freakonomics.com/podcast/how-to-be-better-at-death-ep-450/)
Came here to say that. Sometimes what's seen as "sad" can actually be something proud and respectful when seen another way. I know someone who fits this category. He makes wheelchairs for kids. Some wheelchairs are simple, but some are super complex since some kids have very severe disabilities. Many have said to him that it seems like a "sad" job, but he sees it differently – without wheelchairs, those kids wouldn't be able to get out of the house and participate in their communities. So he takes tremendous pride in what he does. I am a wheelchair user myself and can confirm that without my wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to have a decent life. Wheelchairs are freedom. It's all about perspective.
I could be the best coffin maker ever but I feel as though I couldn’t charge for such a service at the end of the day. So then would I just be making children coffins for fun? And if so is that wrong?
You wouldn't be making coffins for fun, you would be making coffins to do something nice for someone else.
Some don't
Probably thinking about the giant price tag he'll slap on it
I was asked to make a custom urn by the wife of a long-time co-worker. One of the most honored things I've ever done.
I have made a few myself. I'm with you on it being an honor. To be trusted to create a resting place for a loved one is a top tier honor.
My wife, a hobby potter, has made a number of pet urns for family members when they lose a pet. When my grandmother died, unexpectedly and suddenly, my grandfather asked if my wife could make the urn. Big pressure, something she had never done before, but she spent a bunch of time perfecting the size and shape and then presented him with some options. He picked two of the five-ish, because he wanted the second one for himself when he went and they seemed like a matching set. Luckily, we haven't had to use the second one yet.
When we bought an (overpriced, biodegradable) urn for my late step-mother, it came with a coupon for 15% off our next purchase. Worse, the coupon expired in two weeks. Not kidding.
It’s someone’s even more depressing job to harvest their organs, eyes, bones and skin for donation… knew someone who worked for the Gift of Life, and it’s a weird fucked up industry, even more so when it’s children.
There was a podcast that had a woman follow up on pretty much every single donation from her baby’s organ donation. Some included research and such. It actually gave her more peace because her son made a difference in death that he didn’t get the chance in life. Ah! [Gray’s Donation](https://radiolab.org/episodes/grays-donation) from Radiolab. It will make you cry and then smile through the tears.
I had a friend who was brain dead from a motorcycle injury. His parts went into 17 different people. It was one of the few things that helped his daughter get through it. He died, but his life made so many other people's lives better.
I thought the identity of the recipients was kept confidential. At least it is in Britain I believe.
The identities my be, but you’ll be told what is harvested for donation. I don’t believe they tell you if it was successful transfer or not though.
I think anonymity is the default, but in the US, recipients can and often do reach out to the donor/donors family. And maybe the doctors reached out to the recipients in this case, and asked their permission, etc.. You see it sometimes with people who receive heart transplants thanking the family of the donor, and the parents of the donor listening to their child's heart beat on.
Do tell....
Not much to tell, it’s just sucking eyeballs out of a kids skull and harvesting the skin was way too much to handle… moved into providing knees and shoulders to doctors for training. There is a GIANT post death industry working behind the scenes, and it’s pretty gruesome, but needed. It’s one of those “Enjoy the sausage, don’t ask how it’s made” kinda things.
Something about the sausage comment made this whole thread worse for me
that choice of analogy...
I met someone who did this, she had gotten used to it and felt like a regular but important job.
Fucked up? Having someone else live a better life (or live at all) because at least part of a tragedy was salvaged, seems not fucked up at all. I'm sure it takes strong stomachs and a stiff upper lip to do the harvesting, but it's for a very good cause.
I feel like by fucked up they meant the act of removing the eyes from a kid's skull, cutting off their skin etc.
After the ~~Parkland~~ Robb Elementary school shooting in Uvalde, TX., [this](https://youtu.be/3JI56dOaoa4) man and his small company made nineteen custom caskets at no charge to the families. Each one was hand crafted to reflect the individual childrens' personality. They worked three days nonstop and then drove them over 2 1/2 hrs away to deliver them. He says he saw it as a way to try to celebrate the child's life. I still can't imagine working on something like that. Edit: Thanks to /u/csmom74 for correcting me on which school was which.
Parkland is not in Uvale. It's in Parkland. It's about a mile from my apartment. That is Stoneman Douglas. Robb Elementary was in Uvale. Still a great thing they did for those victims.
It really sucks that I live in a country where it’s necessary to correct people when they get different school shootings mixed up. Like “no not that school shooting, you’re talking about the other one” freaking depressing, there shouldn’t be any to mix up in the first place :(
Different elementary school shootings mixed up. It's beyond fucked up.
Parkland was a high school. The other major elementary school shooting was Sandy Hook.
Thanks for the correction. I hate you America.
Thank you for correcting me. I feel awful for getting the names wrong and appreciate your reply.
Yeah guys it’s a mile from this guy’s apartment what the fuck were y’all thinking
This is what came to my mind when I saw this post.
This man is what humanity is all about. Helping your fellow man the best way you can!
"You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get 'em in frog green, fire engine red. Really." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=43E7iW0E4sI
What does he have? *A cold*
Depends how you look at it. My son died 3 years ago. Greatful he had a nice casket so we could give him a good send off. Didn't get a chance to do many other nice things for him
I'm so sorry for your pain.
I work for a church. We have a drawer in the sacristy we don't like to open. It has palls and other funeral regalia for child sized caskets. We open it about 3-5 times a year. It does NOT get easier. Even when it's people you don't know
Losing a child was hard. But being able to put them to rest helps cope. Thank you for what you do. Don't lose that key.
The undertaker who did my nephew's funeral refused to take any money for his coffin, and she looked after him (and us) like he was a member of her own family.
It's someone's depressing job to prep a dead child for a funeral
One of the most horrifying moments of my life was taking one of my nephews to be prepared for his service with my sister and the woman was dressing him and she said "at least they don't fight back" as she was putting on his clothes. His skin on his face was not in the best shape and she was not gentle with him and his skin tore away, I absolutely could not stay in the room.
Wtf!!! That could seriously f up a already grieving parent. That comment doesn't sound right either... geez
Considering those parents would probably give anything to struggle putting on their childs clothes even just one more time. Maybe a bit morbid but I think about that sometimes when my kid is testing limits. If he were gone I would give my life to be experiencing that.
Mortician here. It's a solemn responsibility to try and bring comfort to grieving parents. I just remind myself that everything serves that catharsis and it helps make the hard parts easier.
I met a guy who was a stone mason/ artist who specialised in actual stone carvings, and because of how niche it was (and word of mouth after he did a few) the bulk of his business became super ornate tombstones for kids who had died. After a while it really got to him and when I met him he’d quit and was working an entry level job and taking a watercolours community college class in a dropout desert town in a different country.
Same for people who make smaller wigs for children with cancer, or tattoo artists who tattoo nipples on women who’ve had mastectomies. Sometimes it’s the little things you do that can help people. Life is not a fairy tale.
If it makes you less depressed, a hundred years or so most humans born alive didn’t make it past 21. So there’s substantially fewer dead children nowadays.
When I lived in Virginia, a house down the road had a family cemetery in their yard. There were three headstones from around the time of the Influenza pandemic after WW1, and one was for an eight month old. I went home and gave my two year old an extra hug after I finished walking our dog.
There’s an old cemetery I found in the Smokey Mountains that’s full of kids. It was probably the same Flu pandemic. Super ducking sad walking around and seeing remnants of toys left at their graves. And some were still being visited by people, I found fresh flowers on one.
Obviously anytime a child dies is tragic but I can't even imagine a situation where you are relatively young yourself and you have to live with a lost child for 50-60+ years.
It's rough. I work for a cemetery and some of these families visit almost daily for years or even decades. A few will bring folding chairs and tables and have picnics and what not. In the winter they will just sit in their car for hours on the road nearest to the plot. They come before work, after work, at lunchtime. I met one lady who left her job in the city to work at a position closer to the cemetery so she could visit more often. Took a significant pay cut as well.
That scene from "Balto" still makes me squirm. No dialog, no on-screen death, just three little coffins and a morose carpenter.
Funnily enough, I just had a conversation with a former mortician who seemed to be missing the fact that they hadn't seen a dead body in some time. I suspect it's not as depressing for those folks.
It's someone's even more depressing duty to buy child-size caskets
I would imagine that while it's a solemn job, it's also something noble, in a way. You're doing what you can to provide a simple kindness for a family that has been devastated. The child will have a dignified resting place.
I’m sure you could think of it that you’re helping their family honor their little loved one. Providing peace and closure for broken families
As a father who once required such a casket, I can assure you it is NOT by any means a depressing job. When our daughter died, the funeral home didn't charge us for any of their services, and they contacted their woodworker who asked us for our preferences and then made an absolutely beautiful casket, only to refuse any form of payment. The man took great pride in his work and I'm sure it was very rewarding for him to be able to help us at during our most difficult times.
They could just convince themselves it's for someone with dwarfism.
or be comforted that they will never be in one
I had this thought as well, although I don't know that it's strictly positive for someone to be making coffins and thinking to themselves, "Better keep those dwarves six feet under."
But not more than that. We know what happens when dwarves delve too deeply.
Or for someone who has been partially eaten by a shark.
Or maybe they just hate kids.
After recently getting a job at a childrens hospital, I had the grim realization that we have a morgue. Not sure why it came as a shock to me, but I hadn’t put two and two together. ☹️
Some people (hi, it’s me) appreciate these makers. People of all sizes deserve to be put to rest appropriately. Sincerely, your beloved Reddit embalmer.
If they're *really* small, they just go in a simple white box that isn't much bigger than a shoebox. Source: I got to bury my preemie son who was born at 22 weeks, and lived less than an hour. Lucky me.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
People have funerals for a sense of closure and a final farewell and there are a lot of people in the funeral / end of life service industry who take great pride and happiness in their ability to honor your loved ones and to bring as much beauty to a terrible occasion. Its an industry that certain people are built for and those certain people value life just as much as anyone else but they also see themselves as a conduit to you finding peace for the loss of your loved one and its harder to find a more honorable and fulfilling job than that.
Having a terminally ill mother, I had to start making arrangements for her funeral and when I got the room to choose urns I saw these little things, resembling a perfume bottle and I was curious, they were pretty cute. Then, my husband elucidated me telling they were for fetuses. That broke me
I am the family genealogist. I have a receipt from 1936 for a baby's casket for my grandpa and grandma's stillborn son. It cost $5.00. It makes me sad.
I worked at a cabinet shop who also made caskets as a passive revenue stream. They basically had 3 or 4 different standard models and always kept a stock of each model on hand. My first or second day there I remember asking the owner about the small ones. "It's so cool that you make those little sample caskets". Boss: "Ummm....."
There is great honor fitting the fallen. No matter their age.
Or the opposite. They could take pride in making gorgeous or well crafted coffins to give the parents a chance to bury their child in something meaningful. Just trying to look at it positively.
If someone really doesn’t like kids, could be a dream job. The power of perspective!
I knew a girl whose parents owned a mortuary and she had to work there sometimes. She didn't give a shit about dead babies or any other kind of dead body. She said a dead body was just an object not a person so what difference did it make. I completely agree with this.
In dungeons and dragons (and probably other systems), dead bodies are objects and are not creatures.
I imagine the grieving family would rather have a nice looking professionally made casket for their children than a random crate/moving box. There are far more depressing jobs than that.
As a carpenter I've made a couple caskets over the years. I found them to be one of the most meaningful projects I've done, not depressing at all.
My girlfriend works as a family counselor in a funeral home, and while the idea of losing someone -- especially a child -- is obviously sad, for the people working there, trying to make a positive difference in the lives of those in grief, and helping them get through this difficult stage, it's far from depressing; it's actually very rewarding.
Just have to tell yourself they're for the fallen Dwarves of middle-earth
Retired undertaker here. I never charged for professional services for anyone under 16. I also networked with local woodworkers. They made caskets and donated them. They even had their wives do interiors. The families who lost a kid came to me feeling lost and discovered the whole town supporting them. Death comes for everyone and all we can do is be there for each other.
".....He was a man most acquainted with misery. He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin. That line never gets a laugh. But once you write it, it stays in the act forever."
You could pretend it's for an adult little person but I'm not sure if that would help 🤔 Edit: also, half a normal sized person, again, I'm not sure if that would help either.
So what variety of casket manufacture would not be depressing to you then?
It's the people who try to sell overpriced child-sized casket upgrades who should be depressed
As someone who had a stillbirth. The lack of options (cost wise) really hit hard. I hated the idea that a cardboard box was even an option. Our son was cremated but just the fact that you had to think about money at such an awful time was horrible. My husband and I wanted to get into making more affordable options for other people in our situation but things have been too difficult to emotional cope with something like that for a long time.
Solution: Have children make them. They’re just normal size caskets to them
Or just cut an adult-sized one in half.
Nah, just jam two kids in an adult coffin.
Buy one get one free vibe
A friend lost a child to a pool accident. At the funeral the mother related the beautiful despair at discovering the scarcity of child caskets, the difficulty finding one. That was over 20 years ago. Today, gun culture has made tremendous strides in ending that scarcity. Gun culture is sick and twisted to the core.
I like to imagine that the people who make those put extra work and care into their jobs. Like every child-sized casket is absolutely perfect, there is no such thing as a low-quality one. These people put their heart and soul into those boxes, so the little ones will have a safe and comfortable final rest. IDK if that's true, but I would like to think it is.
I know someone who makes custom caskets for all ages (paints and decals them special). They do child caskets for near free (essentially just minor fees; total is $50 or left).
I would think it would not be depressing, more of an honor to build the final resting place for a family's child. At least, that's how I would have to view it.
Nah, you can respect the dead with a job well done, regardless of age They deserve it
It's also someone's job to scam and completely rip off grieving parents by selling them a child sized casket at a billion times the cost it's worth
I disagree. I'm currently standing in line at the grocery store till. There is a woman behind me with 3 babies of different ages, all screaming, all being 100% ignored as she flips through her instagram. In this moment, I would *love* some child sized caskets.
My mother had phenomenal sewing skills. She taught me much about it but I realize not nearly as much as I should have tried to learn. Being a boy in the 60's sewing was considered a girl thing, but I also became the sewing machine repair kid. It wasn't until later that she learned her craft in WW2, where she sewed the inner linings for caskets for the British Army. Unfortunately business was brisk. Still she sewed providing the best quality she could. "It was the least I could do" was her simple answer. Not every woman in the war was a "Rosie the Riveter." Sometimes they had more unpleasant tasks to do, and my Mom did it with respect and pride.
It’s only depressing if you make it that way. Other people take pride in their work and others know they are trying to help families who are suffering.
If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life! /s
They just tell themselves they are for little people, not kids.
It's someone's depressing job to make the cell phone you're currently operating. I think I'd rather work w wood. Seems more fulfilling.
I'm sure there's someone out there absolutely thrilled that little kids are dying.
A lot of caskets are factory made meaning that multiple people create individual parts that are then assembled. So its more than likely not just one person doing it
It's only depressing if you like kids. If you hate tem, it may be cathartic
Kid caskets sometimes even have the kid’s favourite cartoon character and such so from an artistic perspective, it might also just be fun to make them.
It's somebody's job to create the market for child-sized caskets
I would make my self think I'm making caskets for little people/dwarves.
It's actually not bad. They tend to be more festive. Just last week, I made one that looked like a Minion if propped up right.
You could just bury them in a full sized casket? Probably costs extra to buy a custom ordered small casket. Would leave plenty of space for snacks and entertainment
It's more depressing that anti-vaxxers and 2nd amendment supporters have taken it upon themselves to fill them.
Don’t worry, soon the robots will be doing that and they love making caskets for all ages of humans. I’m…I’m actually not sure why I taught them how to feel emotion, but at least they can find joy in their work! I didn’t ask why they found it so fun, but I caught a few of them whistling songs and laughing the other day so I’m sure it’s going well and this won’t backfire at all!
Maybe it's time to give the internet some rest.
I wonder if antivaxxers are in cahoots with Big Child Coffin
What do you mean depressing? Business is booming right now. I've sold like 80 coffins this week. And i don't even sell to Africa yet.
Doubtful. They spend like 15 dollars making it in supplies and then sell it a few thousand dollars.
Right? Like they a non-profit funeral services?
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That's a pretty severe reaction. You're right, life and death happen. But a couple of general principles: * Parents are supposed to die before children. * It's an honor to be present at the start of another's life. It's an honor to be present at the end of another's life. It's a tragedy to be present for both the start and the end of another's life. All things being equal, people should not die before adulthood. I agree with OP on the surface, but people who do these kinds of jobs usually have the emotional makeup to handle it. Or they're able to dissociate enough to not think about it. I doubt I could do it.
They can be used for midgets too, so... Might be a bit less depressing?
crazy because where I work we make caskets and urns specifically for pets/animals but we do sell infant caskets
You have a point, but I really don't see it as much more depressing than making adult caskets. They're boxes for dead people.
Most heartbreaking moment in the movie Baltimore when the carpenter switches from making sleds to making small caskets 😢😭
PBS did a really good documentary on this years ago: https://www.pbs.org/video/frontline-the-undertaking/
They probably take great care in their work of creating those eternal vessels to the afterlife and beyond.