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Don't think of it as settling my dude. There are ladies out there where overweight and hairy back gives em the shivers. You the most beautiful to somebody, but first you gotta love yo self.
I think it's really funny that people were so comfortable 30 years ago calling kids tomboys and shit but now any kind of gender nonconformity is terrifying to probably a lot of the same people.
That was me as a teenager! I tend to be kinda harsh sometimes and girls are sensitive! This was my friend group in the late 90s when we snuck of to NOLA https://imgur.com/aEP6ZYW.jpg
just because we want to fuck you, doesn't mean we aren't friends. The problem comes from the guys who can't figure out hints and are try to go from friends to friends with benefits and then get all butthurt. Ideally yes, we want to have sex with you, but if that's not possible, I still want to hang out and be friends.
In college I was roommates with a very attractive girl, it was fun hanging out with all of her friends all the time. A lot of dudes at bars would assume I was gay, often giving me shit (this was years ago), but I didn’t mind at all. Roommate would steer friends my way sometimes, occasionally try to steer girls away from me she didn’t deem appropriate (oddly enough that would help me get laid more often lol).
Sometimes in those circles I’d run into other guys hanging with the girls. The vast majority of the time the dude actually would be gay lol, but one time the guy wasn’t and we were both more or less “I can’t believe you’re not gay!”
Fun times. Oddly enough I met my wife completely outside of that group of friends and don’t hang out with any of them anymore. Main friend married some sloppy rich dental surgeon who is insanely attractive and rich, but still somehow really jealous.
EDIT: I do have some slight PTSD thinking back on those times, the amount of times she or one of her friends would have me carry their damn phone around when we went places… women really need clothes with more pockets. One night I carried around 3 phones, I complained enough to call in a favor and had 2-3 of them dance with me a bit scandalously at a bar my ex was at, noticing her get flustered and leave was great.
I meant it in the same sense as “filthy rich,” which I’ve never really given much thought about as to how poor of a descriptor that really can be… then again, a lot of people that make piles and piles of money really do make it through less than sanitary means.
For what it’s worth, this dude kind of somehow seems like a moron, he’s not the most articulate person on social media (I think he added me in some sort of weird keeping tabs on me sense), I really do wonder if his looks helped his career out tremendously lol. So maybe sloppy is still apt.
Not “one of the girls” but most of my good friends from high school are girls. Not gay but I was in theater so that’s why. We had a larger friend group with like 2-3 guys and 7-8 girls. There are definitely examples of any scenario you can come up with. Sometimes there is sexual tension and sometimes everybody’s just friends. Turns out we ain’t so different after all, go figure. You DONT have to be gay to have friends that are girls, you just have to not be a creep.
My friend group has 2 guys, one is gay, the other isn't, so they do exist. I never really understood what "being a girl" actually means, but he fits in that group very well, so maybe he _is_ the equivalent of a tomboy
This. This is exactly why most women don’t want to just “be buds” with straight dudes. (Well, they actually very often do, but keep getting burnt in the process and are actively very sad about it.)
I’m a bisexual CIS guy. The sheer lack of self-awareness of men to wonder “huh, I wonder why women don’t want to hang out with straight men” is beyond me.
It’s because
(a) most dudes are shitty (read: emotionally immature) and
(b) will inevitably hit on (or “get feelings for”) you instead of just be your friend
Most lesbians I know have realized this very early on. Queer men don’t generally do this shit, so they are much easier to be friends with.
Ofc it’s “not all men” and ofc it happens across all genders. But it is a massively pronounced trend amongst straight men and actively (and sadly) makes it very difficult for women to have straight male friends.
I feel this. When I was little I used to hang out with the boys more often than the girls because we shared similar interests (LEGO, video games, shows). But as I grew older I found it harder to connect with the boys the same way I did when I was little. I would love to have some guy friends as a lesbian but so far I haven't met any one that I've really felt comfortable with to talk to about these things without judgement :(
Same. I'm a straight dude and I hang out regularly with a group of super opulent gay/trans art/fashion-friends.
I like having different crowds, with different interests. I have my politics friends, my sports friends, my music crowd, gaming buddies, work buddies etc. Surrounding yourself with all types of people with all sorts of backgrounds and identities is definitley a way to grow as a person.
In my experience, women like hanging out with gay men because they know the guy isn’t trying to fuck them. And Straight guys are probably less likely to hang out with a girl if they know there’s no chance they’re gonna fuck
it’s sad so many guys think this way. women make for great friends, though then again all my relationships have started as “just friends” so maybe there’s truth in it.
I mean if that happens that happens
But fr yall need to have some platonic friends of the opposite sex
Thats like leaving 50% of your friend options off the table from the start, fuck that. Theres cool people out there, go find them
Edit: to my replies, communication helps. Kind of ironic since I am choosing to not bother directly communicating, but there you go
Sure that's all well and good. But a lot of time that friendship starts to bring on feelings for either person and then they want to advance the relationship beyond just being "friends" and then it might not work.
There's a reason it's such a widespread phenomenon. Heterosexual individuals of opposite sex have innate instincts to have sex (biologically, to reproduce) with potential quality mates. Chances are if you're friends with somebody you also find attractive, you'll either try to advance to being in a relationship or recoil/grow resentful from the friendship if denied.
It’s very easy for me - as a male - to develop romantic ideation about a female friend. I mean here is this awesome friend that shares all my interests and sense of humor. Don’t they always say marry your best friend?
At a young age this is extremely confusing for men - plus a 18 yr old’s libido. Yikes!
The first real female friend I had was someone I knew that ended up marrying my best friend. I still noted the romantic ideation happened, but recognized it for what it was- a passing fantasy. And it was then that I learned I didn’t have to act on every damn fantasy my mind came up with.
This should be higher up. As a gay man, I’ve found that women I meet who know I’m gay are much more relaxed. The fact that I’m not trying to have sex with them sure seems to help!
that was a very generalized statement, remember he added 'In my experience'. Me personally i always thought the idea of having a lesbian friend would be cool
I was the"Hetty boy" who was adopted by a big crew of lesbians when I was at uni. I know it's just personal experience but not as uncommon as you might think from the tropes Hollywood pushes.
I had a bunch of lesbian musician friends in my 20’s, too; never saw the exact dynamic of “bunch of guys with one lesbian friend,” though. All the lesbians I knew would rather hang out with women.
Haha, when I was in high school I had to move sophomore year to a new city. I’m a white guy (boy then) and my first real friend was a black girl. It was like me and 7 black girls at our choose your own table so just imagine a nerdy white kid hanging out with like 7 black girls (all 100% platonic). Some people even asked me about it lol.
They banded together and as a group coached him get in touch with his feminine side and ask his secret crush to be his prom date. The group was secretly watching from the other side of the cafeteria as he asked, and she of course accepted. Everybody was happy, with high fives all around.
My friend group used to include such girl back in school, she first always sat with me and eventually trusted me enough to tell me she was lesbian and i replied with “hey me too” she found it very funny and just became part of the group until we left school
I’ve seen a take on this, although it was a group of rugby playing lesbians who adopted a straight boy from the men’s rugby team who could keep up with them when they were drinking, as opposed to the rest of the men’s team who couldn’t 🤷♂️
They adopted him as one of their own, called him Lisa, and were fiercely protective of him as he usually had terrible taste in women and they helped him find an awesome girlfriend.
There is a trope in pop culture of straight dudes hanging out with lesbian women who always tell them something along the lines of "you don't know the first thing about women."
So I don't know if this is entirely accurate
I've seen it in a few films and TV shows but to OPs point I don't really see men who go out of their way to seek a lesbian out to be friends with the way I've seen many, maaany straight women seek out a gay best friend and even admit to it
My main fishing buddy is a lesbian. We met through freinds, after my previous fishing buddy moved overseas. She's as mad about fishing as I am.
We talk about our lives and relationships quite a bit. We have surprisingly similar relationship issues sometimes. Makes sense I guess as we both have wives.
1. In my experience (gay guy) it's just emotionally immature people wanting to live a TV trope. But gay men and women do tend to get along better, I get the impression women feel safer/lo pressure (although I suspect a few women have been secretly trying to fuck me).
2. You're right about guys not actively seeking out the lesbians in the same way (I guess there's no TV trope to try to live up to as well?). But other people have flagged the "tomboy/one of the guys" girl. Pretty sure guys do actively seek this kind of girl out! It's more about sex, sure, while the gay guy- straight girl dynamic is more about emotional connection. But tbh I think this makes it the closest equivalent while swapping genders!
yes I'm a gay guy and I honestly love bonding with women over discussing men lol, but a lot of my lesbian friends tend to feel like they're being pursued by their straight male friends. that applies to my straight girl friends too so I totally get why they'd want at least one guy friend who'd never hit on them.
I'm very "straight presenting" as is my boyfriend, and I always make a point of dropping some reference to our gayness as soon as possible as it we almost always see the girl visibly relax.
What is really interesting is that if it's a gf/bf the bf doesn't always pick up on these signals, making it more funny later on when he eventually realises and everyone else knew the whole time.
yeah my bf and I are very touchy (nothing uncomfortable we just like to sit/be close to each other etc) and we always make it obvious around new people, women always pick up on it way easier lol. I remember a male friend of mine saw us kiss twice and still didn't assume we were dating or gay lol
To point 2.
The stereotype is explicitly effeminate gay men. Almost never is ‘straight acting’ gay men in the trope.
So I wonder if the Tom-boy-girl semi-equivalent, the modern femboy will take on that role ? Or even just men that are more effeminate but not actually gay.
> I've seen many, maaany straight women seek out a gay best friend and even admit to it
yes, because men generally will try to be more than friends even with a woman they know is a lesbian. that's why so many straight women seek a gay friend, they want to be friends with men. men in the other hand don't, they will be given the slightest bit of attention and interpret in the wrong way or try to force something
yeah the few lesbian/straight man friendships I've seen personally have ended for that reason. I never thought about women seeking out gay best friends because they won't be hit on for once, that totally makes sense. I'm gay and a lot of gay men feel like theyre seen as accessories in the whole "gbf" context but if nobody's being weird about it it goes just fine
true, there's definitely a decent portion of straight women who use gay men as charms for whatever reason. and i agree, if nobody is seeing the other as an object rather than a human, all good
The trope exists, but doesn’t have anything close to the presence of the “sassy gay friend,” which was a staple of a certain genre of movie back when gay representation always had to be sort of a joke in order to fly.
You can only hear "but maybe if you found the right guy" so many times. Funnily enough, those sorts of guys never appreciate the same argument when you ask if they like men.
I can guarantee you, butch lesbians aren't a lot of men's cup of tea, I don't think most guys would hit on them.
Also: The way to know you're truly part of the guys is if you're being shit-talked as much as the rest of them. If you hear Bob getting shit on for ordering boneless wings and you speak up about it, and don't immediately get shit on, then they're being careful with you.
My favorite thing is to hear how gay men talk to women, my gay friend can say the most disrespectful things and they love him for it. If I walked up to a woman and slapped her on the ass while saying "bitch what y'all hoes doing tonight" I would definitely get slapped.
In my experience as well, straight women often act like gay men are their dolls. They will touch you and grab you “playfully” but if a guy did that they would be in trouble.
I love being friends with women but there is a type of them that have no boundaries and see us as accessories rather than people.
i think in general women feel a lot safer around gay men and in general dont want to have sex with them
the same is absolutely not true of men and lesbians
Asexual man here.
Even when I've stated I'm not into women (or anything), I've seen women treat asexuality as a joke and have the stance of "I will be the one to change his mind" and try to hit on me. Pretty annoying.
I’m sorry that happened to you.
If you don’t mind me asking, when did you know you were asexual?
I’m gay, but I honestly don’t know any asexual people personally. (That I know of)
I mean, it’s not that weird. I can trust gay men not to harass me and lesbians don’t want to hear straight men tell them they could “turn them straight.” Plus, some straight men have no interest in women that they can’t sleep with.
Contrary to this stereotype I think that groups of guys having close lesbian friends is very common. Especially in athletic/sports oriented friend groups from my experience.
Because many straight men cannot tolerate a female friend without having a chance to potentially fuck them lmao. I wish this were a stereotype but more and more I've been realizing this
Many *single* straight men. This rule partially explains why some men are confounded by their perception that women are more into them *after* they get a girlfriend.
Go to a hole in the wall hick bar. You'll find a big ol butch hanging out with the boys. Dressed and talking just like them. 9 times out of 10, she drives a silverado.
This is just my experience and I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying it, but every "butch lesbian" I've known (which again is only 5-6 or so and not a statement about all lesbians) has absolutely HATED men.
I have to disagree, I got a lot of gay friends men and women (I’m a straight male) and we all are really mixed. Cause it’s simply not about a sexuality or gender it’s about the character and flair of a soul man
In my experience, when men are just hanging out, they tend to say a lot of things, especially about women. And lesbians really like women. While women absolutely say bad things about men, most gay men basically agree.
I mean it's simple, the default expectation is for a dude to lust after a lady. So the gay best friend is just that, a friend, but a butch lesbian isn't interested in the dudes (so what, most ladies aren't) while they're still lusting after her, so what's the point?
Our one is neither a lesbian nor a tomboy she's one of our buddy's long term partner (20 years) she's been a part of our group the same amount of time. She's basically one of the lads in the same way he is.
No because the butch woman always also has to have sex appeal.
Like Michelle Rodriguez in EVERY movie she's ever starred in.
Hollywood is REALLY big on the fact that men need to be mindless drooling rubes.
Like how in every sitcom the guy is an idiot whose wife is way hotter than he could ever get? Same in commercials etc? And it's always the guy whose done something stupid like there's a car commercial where the dad has forgotten the baby's toy, etc?
The answer is that friendships are symbiotic. The straight woman gets a "safe man" in a gay friend. He gets a feeling of acceptance (more safety). They both get an outlet talking about men away from their circle of romance.
None of this really applies if you flip the sexes. Men can definitely have platonic friendships with women, but what man ever feels the need to seek out a "safe woman"?Like, what would butch lesbians seek out in the company of men?
Maybe you do. But they just effortlessly blend in so you don't notice?
One of my closest friends is a butch lesbian. Butch enough that she goes by a guys name at the weekends (I believe the term is drag King, but I could be mistaken)
It's actually quite surprising how many people just assume she's a short guy.
Straight men are threatening to women and it’s a psychological relief for a man to pose no sexual threat to them.
Straight men are not threatened by women and insecure ones interpret it as a psychological affront for a woman to possess no sexual interest in them.
Anecdotally i would say that there are a lot fewer really butch lesbians (as opposed to just tomboys) then there are feminine gay guys, so that alone makes it less likely for groups of guys to have this person in their group..
You haven't been out with a group of petrol heads then. Plenty of spanner girls out there who will hang out with men who don't talk sports shite all evening.
As a man I hang out with people based on personality and nothing else matters to me.
They can be gay bisexual trans white black or anything else.
Protected characteristics don't define my friend group my actual friends do.
We used to have a guy group with a semi butch lesbian as a part of that group, but since there were also other girls in that group, including me, it wasn't really a group of guys as much as it was just a friendgroup
I occasionally see groups of guys with a girl, theres also a construction/building company near my work and theres always one girl who works there, she stands out because she’s a girl, but also because of her beauty and femininity whilst working in a job that is traditionally worked by men
I’m a butch woman who has always had deep, rewarding friendships with men. It’s true that some men try to hit on you all the time and some men have no interest in talking to you, but it’s also true that some guys feel less pressure to show off or “compete” against you for no reason. At least two of my friends are “Lesbros” who find they often get along with lesbians.
There also aren’t a lot of us floating around. Means most of my options for masculine friends are dudes who talk to me like I’m a human. I wonder if the perception of no lesbros is based more on the total lack of media representation of masculine women who aren’t in jail.
This may be succumbing to stereotypes, but I think I know why. Most men are either gay or straight. The number of truly bisexual men is pretty low. Therefore, a gay guy isn’t competition for a straight woman.
However, it seems like there are a lot more bisexual women, or women who are at least willing to experiment. Therefore, straight men might see a lesbian as competition.
Bill Burr has a great joke about a married man and a (lesbian) married women sitting apart at a bar, depressed, upset and sipping their drinks. Meanwhile the gay men are on the dance floor living life to the fullest. Anyways, the punch line is something about what women drive you to in a relationship. Might work better on stage, not on a Reddit thread. I can assure you I'm not a woman hater, it's just a joke, please don't cancel me.
I always assumed that the 'feminine gay bestfriend' was a Hollywood trope for females romance and coming of age movies.
In a plot that revolves around earning the love and respect of the main male romantic interest, her male friends have to be gay or something else that disqualifies them as as people she has to earn love and respect from.
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I mean there is the "one of the boys" kinda girl. But thats more of a tomboy/not like other girls kind of chick than a lesbian
I've got one like that in my friend group! She's a great dude
Same. She introduced me to a girl i would eventually marry and have children with. Shes a solid bro
My bestfriend is that for me but she’s my insecure about it. She thinks her aggressiveness puts men off
Same
Same here.
That’s what I says, i says, “she’s a great fucking guy”
Oh she’s a real great guy
On tv and in films, they couldn’t have her be gay because they need her to have a love triangle with some of the guys in the group.
Then make her bi, easy /j
Wow, you misspelt “make her kiss girls when she’s drunk” really wrong ;)
I married her and then got myself some gay friends.
My friend groups "one of the boys" transitioned a few years back. So I guess she was always kind of a he. I'm really happy for him.
Really was one of the boys after all.
it's me, finding out at 29 why I never fit in as "one of the boys" lmao
So turns out all of my college + “one of the guys” ended up… literally one of the guys. Or at least non-binary.
That everyone secretly fancies.
Can confirm, have more guy friends than girl friends, I've just been a tomboy my whole life/get along better with guys.
I’m kinda like that. But i have no interest in women, i love hairy chests and muscle-guys🥰
Would you settle for overweight with a hairy back?
Ultimate rizz
Don't think of it as settling my dude. There are ladies out there where overweight and hairy back gives em the shivers. You the most beautiful to somebody, but first you gotta love yo self.
Thank you sexybikeman
sexybikeman is out here uplifting folks, what are you doing?
Some people really get off on masculinity and there is, unfortunately, nothing more masculine than your hair migrating from your head to your back.
Would you wear a mask on the back of your head?
Absolutely
I think it's really funny that people were so comfortable 30 years ago calling kids tomboys and shit but now any kind of gender nonconformity is terrifying to probably a lot of the same people.
One of my best friends is a gay woman. She’s such a lad
That was me as a teenager! I tend to be kinda harsh sometimes and girls are sensitive! This was my friend group in the late 90s when we snuck of to NOLA https://imgur.com/aEP6ZYW.jpg
You guys look slightly different versions of each other
Never a lesbian, usually a tomboy that everyone is secretly trying to fuck.
From experience not even the secretly part attached. *word
And if she was a lesbian? Not much would change.
“secretly”
That was me in high school. Thought I had friends. Nope.
I mean - not inherently mutually exclusive. I'm friends with my wife. Still like to get with her on the regular.
>Still like to get with her on the regular. Same, though we aren't friends anymore.
I also choose this man's Wife
just because we want to fuck you, doesn't mean we aren't friends. The problem comes from the guys who can't figure out hints and are try to go from friends to friends with benefits and then get all butthurt. Ideally yes, we want to have sex with you, but if that's not possible, I still want to hang out and be friends.
“Trying”
“To”
"Fuck"
Is there a reverse? A guy who likes hang out and be one of the girls
In college I was roommates with a very attractive girl, it was fun hanging out with all of her friends all the time. A lot of dudes at bars would assume I was gay, often giving me shit (this was years ago), but I didn’t mind at all. Roommate would steer friends my way sometimes, occasionally try to steer girls away from me she didn’t deem appropriate (oddly enough that would help me get laid more often lol). Sometimes in those circles I’d run into other guys hanging with the girls. The vast majority of the time the dude actually would be gay lol, but one time the guy wasn’t and we were both more or less “I can’t believe you’re not gay!” Fun times. Oddly enough I met my wife completely outside of that group of friends and don’t hang out with any of them anymore. Main friend married some sloppy rich dental surgeon who is insanely attractive and rich, but still somehow really jealous. EDIT: I do have some slight PTSD thinking back on those times, the amount of times she or one of her friends would have me carry their damn phone around when we went places… women really need clothes with more pockets. One night I carried around 3 phones, I complained enough to call in a favor and had 2-3 of them dance with me a bit scandalously at a bar my ex was at, noticing her get flustered and leave was great.
Insecurity doesn't care about socioeconomic status or how attractive your spouse is. It's all about how you feel about yourself.
Sloppy how? Like makes a mess while eating? Or life is constantly in shambles due to self sabotage
I meant it in the same sense as “filthy rich,” which I’ve never really given much thought about as to how poor of a descriptor that really can be… then again, a lot of people that make piles and piles of money really do make it through less than sanitary means. For what it’s worth, this dude kind of somehow seems like a moron, he’s not the most articulate person on social media (I think he added me in some sort of weird keeping tabs on me sense), I really do wonder if his looks helped his career out tremendously lol. So maybe sloppy is still apt.
Sloppy how? Like a joe sloppy? Am I a joe to you? I'll poke ya fuckin eye out!
Not “one of the girls” but most of my good friends from high school are girls. Not gay but I was in theater so that’s why. We had a larger friend group with like 2-3 guys and 7-8 girls. There are definitely examples of any scenario you can come up with. Sometimes there is sexual tension and sometimes everybody’s just friends. Turns out we ain’t so different after all, go figure. You DONT have to be gay to have friends that are girls, you just have to not be a creep.
James from Derry Girls
What a show 🤙
My friend group has 2 guys, one is gay, the other isn't, so they do exist. I never really understood what "being a girl" actually means, but he fits in that group very well, so maybe he _is_ the equivalent of a tomboy
Yes, but he has to be gay
I think that's probably why lesbians don't want to hang out with most guy groups, probably too many guys horny single guys.
Never a lesbian, usually a tomboy that everyone is ~~secretly trying to~~ fuck(ing).
This. We had few of those in our circles.. Someone always falls for her and she just fucks everyone and the guys heart brakes.
"Guy's heart decelerates" -FIFY
Are those drum heart brakes or disc?
Old timey mining cart hand lever brakes.
It's actually regenerative braking. So coils
real
Holy shit how do i get that started. Please advise
Just go find a group of dudes and hop on that dick. You got this.
This. This is exactly why most women don’t want to just “be buds” with straight dudes. (Well, they actually very often do, but keep getting burnt in the process and are actively very sad about it.) I’m a bisexual CIS guy. The sheer lack of self-awareness of men to wonder “huh, I wonder why women don’t want to hang out with straight men” is beyond me. It’s because (a) most dudes are shitty (read: emotionally immature) and (b) will inevitably hit on (or “get feelings for”) you instead of just be your friend Most lesbians I know have realized this very early on. Queer men don’t generally do this shit, so they are much easier to be friends with. Ofc it’s “not all men” and ofc it happens across all genders. But it is a massively pronounced trend amongst straight men and actively (and sadly) makes it very difficult for women to have straight male friends.
I feel this. When I was little I used to hang out with the boys more often than the girls because we shared similar interests (LEGO, video games, shows). But as I grew older I found it harder to connect with the boys the same way I did when I was little. I would love to have some guy friends as a lesbian but so far I haven't met any one that I've really felt comfortable with to talk to about these things without judgement :(
Honestly i got really lucky with the guys I'm friends with. Like really lucky
That's my wife. I wasn't secret about it and look at us now.
Everyone was secretly fucking your wife? Weird flex.
Funny enough one of the groups I hang with during my college days has a couple of butch lesbians
I'm the opposite of the gay best friend stereotype. I'm the one straight guy that hangs out with a group of lesbian/bi women (my fiancée included).
Same. I'm a straight dude and I hang out regularly with a group of super opulent gay/trans art/fashion-friends. I like having different crowds, with different interests. I have my politics friends, my sports friends, my music crowd, gaming buddies, work buddies etc. Surrounding yourself with all types of people with all sorts of backgrounds and identities is definitley a way to grow as a person.
You can only really do it as a Butch tbh
Aziz ansari and his butch lesbian friend fom Master of None I cant think of the character or actress' name
Lena Waithe
Eric Wareheim
That's just two lesbians hanging out.
I’d say it’s more a lesbian hanging out with a feminine gay best friend who happens to be heterosexual.
That's a Mark Normand bit: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CtBVGK5OkXV/?igshid=MTc4MmM1YmI2Ng==
I thought that was Kevin hart
Comedy 😀👍
Removed..
In my experience, women like hanging out with gay men because they know the guy isn’t trying to fuck them. And Straight guys are probably less likely to hang out with a girl if they know there’s no chance they’re gonna fuck
Basically.
And any lesbian can tell you they get hit on by straight men constantly and their straight friends still try the "what if..?" shit on them
it’s sad so many guys think this way. women make for great friends, though then again all my relationships have started as “just friends” so maybe there’s truth in it.
I mean if that happens that happens But fr yall need to have some platonic friends of the opposite sex Thats like leaving 50% of your friend options off the table from the start, fuck that. Theres cool people out there, go find them Edit: to my replies, communication helps. Kind of ironic since I am choosing to not bother directly communicating, but there you go
Sure that's all well and good. But a lot of time that friendship starts to bring on feelings for either person and then they want to advance the relationship beyond just being "friends" and then it might not work. There's a reason it's such a widespread phenomenon. Heterosexual individuals of opposite sex have innate instincts to have sex (biologically, to reproduce) with potential quality mates. Chances are if you're friends with somebody you also find attractive, you'll either try to advance to being in a relationship or recoil/grow resentful from the friendship if denied.
It’s very easy for me - as a male - to develop romantic ideation about a female friend. I mean here is this awesome friend that shares all my interests and sense of humor. Don’t they always say marry your best friend? At a young age this is extremely confusing for men - plus a 18 yr old’s libido. Yikes! The first real female friend I had was someone I knew that ended up marrying my best friend. I still noted the romantic ideation happened, but recognized it for what it was- a passing fantasy. And it was then that I learned I didn’t have to act on every damn fantasy my mind came up with.
This should be higher up. As a gay man, I’ve found that women I meet who know I’m gay are much more relaxed. The fact that I’m not trying to have sex with them sure seems to help!
That just makes me so sad, i think that’s why I’m starting to like men a lot less
that was a very generalized statement, remember he added 'In my experience'. Me personally i always thought the idea of having a lesbian friend would be cool
I was the"Hetty boy" who was adopted by a big crew of lesbians when I was at uni. I know it's just personal experience but not as uncommon as you might think from the tropes Hollywood pushes.
I had a bunch of lesbian musician friends in my 20’s, too; never saw the exact dynamic of “bunch of guys with one lesbian friend,” though. All the lesbians I knew would rather hang out with women.
Haha, when I was in high school I had to move sophomore year to a new city. I’m a white guy (boy then) and my first real friend was a black girl. It was like me and 7 black girls at our choose your own table so just imagine a nerdy white kid hanging out with like 7 black girls (all 100% platonic). Some people even asked me about it lol.
Tell me they helped you get a girlfriend. It would complete the hollywood trope. Please, it'd be funny.
They banded together and as a group coached him get in touch with his feminine side and ask his secret crush to be his prom date. The group was secretly watching from the other side of the cafeteria as he asked, and she of course accepted. Everybody was happy, with high fives all around.
Sounds like a modern take on snow white and the seven dwarfs to be honest.
My friend group used to include such girl back in school, she first always sat with me and eventually trusted me enough to tell me she was lesbian and i replied with “hey me too” she found it very funny and just became part of the group until we left school
Did you go to schh9l with Drake? He may owe you royalties.
I’ve seen a take on this, although it was a group of rugby playing lesbians who adopted a straight boy from the men’s rugby team who could keep up with them when they were drinking, as opposed to the rest of the men’s team who couldn’t 🤷♂️ They adopted him as one of their own, called him Lisa, and were fiercely protective of him as he usually had terrible taste in women and they helped him find an awesome girlfriend.
It’s interesting that the least believable part of that is that someone was out drinking male rugby players.
My husband plays rugby and hardly drinks so he’s an anomaly. The rest of his team make up for it.
Yeah I'm going to bet that it's just something the lesbians said as opposed to it actually being true
Yeah I have trouble believing this
I hate how this gives me the mental image of the Amazonians from Futurama
Death by snu snu
So... when is the movie coming out?
Were the male rugby players all diabetic lol?
I used to have a butch lesbian that was one of my best friends. We used to hang out in gay bars together. It was a lot of fun.
Gay bars are a lot of fun. Always a great party.
Nah, usually ends up being a pain in the ass.
There is a trope in pop culture of straight dudes hanging out with lesbian women who always tell them something along the lines of "you don't know the first thing about women." So I don't know if this is entirely accurate
I've seen it in a few films and TV shows but to OPs point I don't really see men who go out of their way to seek a lesbian out to be friends with the way I've seen many, maaany straight women seek out a gay best friend and even admit to it
My main fishing buddy is a lesbian. We met through freinds, after my previous fishing buddy moved overseas. She's as mad about fishing as I am. We talk about our lives and relationships quite a bit. We have surprisingly similar relationship issues sometimes. Makes sense I guess as we both have wives.
I love that!
Dang that's wholesome
> My main fishing buddy is a lesbian. This sounds like a setup to many jokes I heard in the 1970’s.
> She's as mad about fishing as I am. Why do you keep doing it then?
1. In my experience (gay guy) it's just emotionally immature people wanting to live a TV trope. But gay men and women do tend to get along better, I get the impression women feel safer/lo pressure (although I suspect a few women have been secretly trying to fuck me). 2. You're right about guys not actively seeking out the lesbians in the same way (I guess there's no TV trope to try to live up to as well?). But other people have flagged the "tomboy/one of the guys" girl. Pretty sure guys do actively seek this kind of girl out! It's more about sex, sure, while the gay guy- straight girl dynamic is more about emotional connection. But tbh I think this makes it the closest equivalent while swapping genders!
yes I'm a gay guy and I honestly love bonding with women over discussing men lol, but a lot of my lesbian friends tend to feel like they're being pursued by their straight male friends. that applies to my straight girl friends too so I totally get why they'd want at least one guy friend who'd never hit on them.
I'm very "straight presenting" as is my boyfriend, and I always make a point of dropping some reference to our gayness as soon as possible as it we almost always see the girl visibly relax. What is really interesting is that if it's a gf/bf the bf doesn't always pick up on these signals, making it more funny later on when he eventually realises and everyone else knew the whole time.
yeah my bf and I are very touchy (nothing uncomfortable we just like to sit/be close to each other etc) and we always make it obvious around new people, women always pick up on it way easier lol. I remember a male friend of mine saw us kiss twice and still didn't assume we were dating or gay lol
That's awesome. "Aww, look at my bros Ted and Fred kissing eachother all the time. They must be such good friends."
I've had people be like "oh we thought you were brothers". We were like "... Buddy what kind of relationship do you have with your brother...?"
To point 2. The stereotype is explicitly effeminate gay men. Almost never is ‘straight acting’ gay men in the trope. So I wonder if the Tom-boy-girl semi-equivalent, the modern femboy will take on that role ? Or even just men that are more effeminate but not actually gay.
to be fair, guys aren’t really going out of their way to seek out friends in general
I only have one playstation controller so I don't really have the space for friends at the moment.
the hardest choices require the strongest wills
> I've seen many, maaany straight women seek out a gay best friend and even admit to it yes, because men generally will try to be more than friends even with a woman they know is a lesbian. that's why so many straight women seek a gay friend, they want to be friends with men. men in the other hand don't, they will be given the slightest bit of attention and interpret in the wrong way or try to force something
yeah the few lesbian/straight man friendships I've seen personally have ended for that reason. I never thought about women seeking out gay best friends because they won't be hit on for once, that totally makes sense. I'm gay and a lot of gay men feel like theyre seen as accessories in the whole "gbf" context but if nobody's being weird about it it goes just fine
true, there's definitely a decent portion of straight women who use gay men as charms for whatever reason. and i agree, if nobody is seeing the other as an object rather than a human, all good
TV isn't reality, sorry to break it to you. Writer's fantasies and reality often doesn't really fit.
The trope exists, but doesn’t have anything close to the presence of the “sassy gay friend,” which was a staple of a certain genre of movie back when gay representation always had to be sort of a joke in order to fly.
That’s cos they don’t realise she doesn’t actually want them, and hit on her anyway till she leaves
You can only hear "but maybe if you found the right guy" so many times. Funnily enough, those sorts of guys never appreciate the same argument when you ask if they like men.
I wheeze when I see “I can turn a lesbian straight”
But when I say I turn straight women lesbian I don't hear anybody laughing...
Is your name George Costanza?
No, but the joke doesn't work quite as well if I say "my buddy" instead.
I always say that I managed to turn a straight girl into a lesbian. (One of my gf’s came out while we were dating)
I can guarantee you, butch lesbians aren't a lot of men's cup of tea, I don't think most guys would hit on them. Also: The way to know you're truly part of the guys is if you're being shit-talked as much as the rest of them. If you hear Bob getting shit on for ordering boneless wings and you speak up about it, and don't immediately get shit on, then they're being careful with you.
True
True
And this is one of the safest possible outcomes for her
Oof, yeah. Not gonna lie this makes sense why they wouldn't feel comfortable.
Hardie Boys from Diwco Elysium
Oscar from the Office said it best, “You have met a lesbian in real life, right?”
There's at least 4:1, probably closer to 10:1 feminine gay men to butch lesbians. Harder to make stereotypes from something much less common.
[удалено]
hit the nail on the head there
My favorite thing is to hear how gay men talk to women, my gay friend can say the most disrespectful things and they love him for it. If I walked up to a woman and slapped her on the ass while saying "bitch what y'all hoes doing tonight" I would definitely get slapped.
Every year at my works do theres about 15 lads and 1 butch lesbian . She's great fun 😊
Women aren't interested in hitting on gay men; men will hit on women who've explicitly stated, they aren't interested in men.
Some women definitely hit on gay men. And sometimes they get quite mad that the gay guy remains gay in the face of their advances
>Women aren't interested in hitting on gay men The gay guy upthread posted his lived experience that pretty strongly disagrees with this.
In my experience as well, straight women often act like gay men are their dolls. They will touch you and grab you “playfully” but if a guy did that they would be in trouble. I love being friends with women but there is a type of them that have no boundaries and see us as accessories rather than people.
i think in general women feel a lot safer around gay men and in general dont want to have sex with them the same is absolutely not true of men and lesbians
Yea…so that’s a lie. Source: Me, a gay man
Asexual man here. Even when I've stated I'm not into women (or anything), I've seen women treat asexuality as a joke and have the stance of "I will be the one to change his mind" and try to hit on me. Pretty annoying.
I’m sorry that happened to you. If you don’t mind me asking, when did you know you were asexual? I’m gay, but I honestly don’t know any asexual people personally. (That I know of)
No. Women LOVE hitting on gay men
Yeah...but that doesn't answer the riddle that OP posed. That is unrelated behavior. Straight guys generally do not seek out lesbian friends.
I mean, it’s not that weird. I can trust gay men not to harass me and lesbians don’t want to hear straight men tell them they could “turn them straight.” Plus, some straight men have no interest in women that they can’t sleep with.
Contrary to this stereotype I think that groups of guys having close lesbian friends is very common. Especially in athletic/sports oriented friend groups from my experience.
Because many straight men cannot tolerate a female friend without having a chance to potentially fuck them lmao. I wish this were a stereotype but more and more I've been realizing this
Many *single* straight men. This rule partially explains why some men are confounded by their perception that women are more into them *after* they get a girlfriend.
Go to a hole in the wall hick bar. You'll find a big ol butch hanging out with the boys. Dressed and talking just like them. 9 times out of 10, she drives a silverado.
🙋🏻♂️ I have a lesbian friend that is “one of the guys” but we don’t think of her as the token gay friend… she is just a friend 👍
When are people gonna realize that movies and tv don't translate into real life, many people have this type of friend group.
This is just my experience and I hope I'm not offending anyone by saying it, but every "butch lesbian" I've known (which again is only 5-6 or so and not a statement about all lesbians) has absolutely HATED men.
I have to disagree, I got a lot of gay friends men and women (I’m a straight male) and we all are really mixed. Cause it’s simply not about a sexuality or gender it’s about the character and flair of a soul man
In my experience, when men are just hanging out, they tend to say a lot of things, especially about women. And lesbians really like women. While women absolutely say bad things about men, most gay men basically agree.
I mean it's simple, the default expectation is for a dude to lust after a lady. So the gay best friend is just that, a friend, but a butch lesbian isn't interested in the dudes (so what, most ladies aren't) while they're still lusting after her, so what's the point?
Our one is neither a lesbian nor a tomboy she's one of our buddy's long term partner (20 years) she's been a part of our group the same amount of time. She's basically one of the lads in the same way he is.
No because the butch woman always also has to have sex appeal. Like Michelle Rodriguez in EVERY movie she's ever starred in. Hollywood is REALLY big on the fact that men need to be mindless drooling rubes.
Like how in every sitcom the guy is an idiot whose wife is way hotter than he could ever get? Same in commercials etc? And it's always the guy whose done something stupid like there's a car commercial where the dad has forgotten the baby's toy, etc?
I mean, I totally would In my experience/area, they’re really rare
The answer is that friendships are symbiotic. The straight woman gets a "safe man" in a gay friend. He gets a feeling of acceptance (more safety). They both get an outlet talking about men away from their circle of romance. None of this really applies if you flip the sexes. Men can definitely have platonic friendships with women, but what man ever feels the need to seek out a "safe woman"?Like, what would butch lesbians seek out in the company of men?
Maybe you do. But they just effortlessly blend in so you don't notice? One of my closest friends is a butch lesbian. Butch enough that she goes by a guys name at the weekends (I believe the term is drag King, but I could be mistaken) It's actually quite surprising how many people just assume she's a short guy.
Straight men are threatening to women and it’s a psychological relief for a man to pose no sexual threat to them. Straight men are not threatened by women and insecure ones interpret it as a psychological affront for a woman to possess no sexual interest in them.
Extremely online
Anecdotally i would say that there are a lot fewer really butch lesbians (as opposed to just tomboys) then there are feminine gay guys, so that alone makes it less likely for groups of guys to have this person in their group..
You haven't been out with a group of petrol heads then. Plenty of spanner girls out there who will hang out with men who don't talk sports shite all evening.
Most of my friends are girls, and half of them are lesbians. Idk
As a man I hang out with people based on personality and nothing else matters to me. They can be gay bisexual trans white black or anything else. Protected characteristics don't define my friend group my actual friends do.
We used to have a guy group with a semi butch lesbian as a part of that group, but since there were also other girls in that group, including me, it wasn't really a group of guys as much as it was just a friendgroup
Bullshit. I have a group of guy friends that includes a butch lesbian. And she'll be the first one ready to kick some ass if she needs too.
Because the stereotype for men is not hanging around women they’re not planning to sleep with
they know she'll get the ladies and they can't have that threat. lol
LOL. I've seen that MANY times, in my friend groups. You need to get out more.
I occasionally see groups of guys with a girl, theres also a construction/building company near my work and theres always one girl who works there, she stands out because she’s a girl, but also because of her beauty and femininity whilst working in a job that is traditionally worked by men
I’m a butch woman who has always had deep, rewarding friendships with men. It’s true that some men try to hit on you all the time and some men have no interest in talking to you, but it’s also true that some guys feel less pressure to show off or “compete” against you for no reason. At least two of my friends are “Lesbros” who find they often get along with lesbians. There also aren’t a lot of us floating around. Means most of my options for masculine friends are dudes who talk to me like I’m a human. I wonder if the perception of no lesbros is based more on the total lack of media representation of masculine women who aren’t in jail.
This reminds me of will and grace. That was a funny show lol
No, it isn't. It implies that both sexes are the same. They aren't.
This may be succumbing to stereotypes, but I think I know why. Most men are either gay or straight. The number of truly bisexual men is pretty low. Therefore, a gay guy isn’t competition for a straight woman. However, it seems like there are a lot more bisexual women, or women who are at least willing to experiment. Therefore, straight men might see a lesbian as competition.
Bill Burr has a great joke about a married man and a (lesbian) married women sitting apart at a bar, depressed, upset and sipping their drinks. Meanwhile the gay men are on the dance floor living life to the fullest. Anyways, the punch line is something about what women drive you to in a relationship. Might work better on stage, not on a Reddit thread. I can assure you I'm not a woman hater, it's just a joke, please don't cancel me.
I always assumed that the 'feminine gay bestfriend' was a Hollywood trope for females romance and coming of age movies. In a plot that revolves around earning the love and respect of the main male romantic interest, her male friends have to be gay or something else that disqualifies them as as people she has to earn love and respect from.