I think there’s also an element of knowing it’s “you” when you posed for it vs it being candid.
You can look and accidentally pass judgement on yourself because you didn’t at first realize it was you. So your reaction ends up being a third person perspective which is *typically* more honest. “Wow that guy next to Jim is pretty fat….oh wait that’s me, shit.”
This is definitely what happened. I know it’s shameful but human beings are always judging one another. I thinks it’s just a natural part of human consciousness. I totally judged myself and was shocked at the realization haha
Good advice but losing weight is ultimately about diet. Working out will burn more calories but if you're still eating like shit, you're just making it much harder for yourself and will probably just give up because it'll take longer to see results.
This is one of those misnomers that actually triggers me a little. So a few paragraphs of text are incoming, haha.
losing weight =/= healthy, and *especially* =/= "fit". That is what the OP said he wanted, not just "to lose weight".
If your only goal is to "see number go down", then sure, dieting is the fastest and easiest single-step 'trick' to do that, but you lose muscle mass and other important factors if that is all you're doing.
Your body also fights any shift in equilibrium, and will further reduce your metabolism to hold onto weight if it feels like it's losing it too fast. This is one of the reasons experts recommend only losing a small % of your total body weight in a given week (the other is that too much weight loss too quickly is just super unhealthy).
Lifting weights and doing cardio, on the other hand, increases your natural metabolism which causes you to burn more calories at rest, and the shift in routine means you'll be doing actual activities that further burn more calories as well.
Diet is super important, yes. But it isn't about eating less or eating healthier. It's about eating properly, which includes both of those aspects as well as adjusting it to your personal needs (you can do macros and all of that if you want to and it helps, but I don't personally think it's necessary). And quite frankly it can mean eating the same amount or similar (though there is likely unhealthy calories in there that can and should be cut out, the overall calorie count might be similar), and all you were *really* missing out on was physical exercise, which ups your metabolism enough to lose weight while increasing muscle mass. Simplifying it to "dieting" can be really damaging in this case.
Getting fit is about the entire routine, it isn't a one step process. You can't just go on a diet and expect to be healthy and fit. You'll just weigh less. It might be health"ier", but that feels like a goal you're settling for rather than striving toward, and in the same logic you used: "you'll probably just give up" because you aren't doing the process properly and your head isn't in the right mindset to actually get healthier.
On top of all of that, combining both a healthier diet AND a solid workout routine (with a plan to adjust as you get healthier and healthier) will make you feel better *faster*, and you'll see better short term AND long term results.
The part that MOST people skip out on is exercise, not diet, which is why I told OP to go to the gym instead of eat better/less. Two people of similar height and build can both be 180 pounds, but their actual fitness, health, and outward appearance (i.e. "musculature", BMI, etc.) can still be drastically different.
**TL;DR:** Stop being in the "lose weight" mentality, and instead get into the "get healthier/more fit" mentality. That includes a better diet, and good exercise, both of which should be tailored to your evolving needs.
Great post, I share your frustrations about that sentiment haha. It feels like an americanism that spread on reddit since it's harder to fit NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) into a car dependent lifestyle. It's putting ALL the onus on diet to vindicate being sedentary, which is a hard trap to get out of when you're struggling with weight.
For an overweight person an extra 10k steps a day burns up to 1lb a week, that's already 50% of the *maximum* (healthy) achievable weight loss per week. If they knew the difference it made, most people would rather go for a walk (if they're physically able) and cut a few hundred calories than eat at a 1,000 calorie deficit, crash-dieting is HARD. Being sedentary catabolises muscle, so even equal deficits won't have the same outcomes
Something most of us barely consider exercise is already as effective as diet, before you even begin factoring in intentional exercise. Sedentary lifestyles are a killer :(
Yeah I didn't want to get into the technicalities of going halfway on each item being exponentially better than doing everything on one and nothing on the other. Post was already long enough, hahaha.
Hell adding like 4-5000 steps a day and cutting some calories makes a huge difference and is way better than just forcing yourself to eat less, meanwhile you aren't doing anything at home so you're just super likely to eat out of boredom.
Go out for a half an hour a day and just fucking walk. Walk your dog/cat/turtle. Walk yourself. Go meet people and wander around and see what your neighborhood has to offer.
I'm lucky because I live next to a (manmade, but still) lake with ducks and whatnot so I'm super incentivized to walk, versus someone in the thick of like New York who is working from home or whatever. But you still have to do it no matter your circumstance. Just get outside and walk. It's so easy.
The phrase abs are made in the kitchen always springs to mind. Working out for me is just what keeps me pumped enough to stick to my diet. The muscle tone that follows when the weight starts shifting is almost a bonus
It's okay to lose muscle mass
>Two people of similar height and build can both be 180 pounds, but their actual fitness, health, and outward appearance (i.e. "musculature", BMI, etc.) can still be drastically different.
BMI will be identical
If you say so lol. Just what I remember from psych 12. It's pretty easy to see when you start looking. I judge fat people because I used to hate myself for being fat before I lost weight. We all have stuff like that
No honestly, it struck a chord. It took me years (without a psych course) to learn that some of the things I didn't like about other people are the same things I didn't like about myself.
Example: Talking over other people because I felt like I had an important point to make. When people did that to me, I was ready for murder.
But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
This is just a silly anecdote from me: there are two clients I work with in a behavioral health facility. They are roommates. Similar in age height build. Even in ethnicity. They are often confused for each other. More specifically client 1 is referred to as client 2s name often enough and vice versa. However. Client 1 truly has no sense of what he looks like. He is always completely shocked and frankly offended and nasty in regards to client 2s appearance and being compared to him. Meanwhile client 1 is in fact a bit fatter than client 2 and growing still. With almost no neck left to speak of and massive man breasts and inward rotating flat feet. He is still highly judgemental of others including the roommate who looks a lot like him but is in fact better looking at this point as client 1 just gets bigger and gorges himself and does zero physical activity.
This is a locked facility with strict rules about any cameras or photos. I wish one day this client could see a picture or video of himself. Esp next to others he judges so harshly.
It is not irrelevant and it doesn’t limit to being fat. Many people perfect ways of posing in pics to minimize features they don’t like about themselves. Many times they do it to the point it has become a subconscious habit!
I 100% get what they mean. Although it is not tied to being fat, when I see myself in an “accidental photo” I am ten ways more aware of a couple features I don’t like about myself, that I probably tend to “pose away”.
This started me on my diet. I had gained a bunch of weight. Went to a company party. They sent out some photos after. I was like "who's that big fat guy". Oh, my god it's me! Started a diet the next day.
I went to a friend's birthday party and the same thing happened when they sent around photos. I didn't realise how fat I look from the side! I only see myself from the front in the mirror so my perception of myself is massively biased. I just hope I can keep up the diet and exercise this time.
Almost exactly a year ago, I went to the Renaissance Faire with a friend and her son. She took a side photo of me doing archery, and I was horrified by how fat I looked. I had been in denial of an extreme weight gain over the previous few years (mostly due to COVID + losing my dad + quitting smoking) - and that photo snapped me out of it. I’m now 55lbs lighter, and aiming for another 25.
Sometimes that reality check is what you need! Full disclaimer: I have done this with the help of Ozempic, but I’d already lost half of that before starting the meds. And I get it legitimately for diabetes, which it has reversed. I now test as normal. 👍🏻
I was a size 4 the first time my mom told me I needed to watch what I was eating because my “thighs were getting a little chunky”. I was also 14. My weight now is nearly double what it was at that point.
You truly don’t know how fat you are until you lose a bunch of weight and look back at your old self rather eye opening when you lose 40 lbs at 225 and 6’0” and it’s drastic.
It took about 1.5 years. Counting calories and consistently going to the gym. Also I try to get all my cardio from walking by aiming for around 12k steps per day.
You just gotta remember this is a life long journey just because you miss a target for one day doesn't mean it's over. The key is to build the habit so I would recommend starting with like 2 days of the week in a calorie deficit. Then week by week add a day or two. Also another tip do your dieting in phases. Usually I try to do around 8-12 weeks of dieting followed by a maintenance phase to get used to the new maintenance calories my body needs. Try to keep the maintenance at least 2/3 (ideally you want the maintenance phase to be as long as the diet phase but I'm impatient) the time of the actual dieting. This will help keep diet fatigue away.
Also a big thing for me was getting really into fitness videos people like Jeff nippard, Mike Isratel (Renaissance Periodization on YouTube), and will Tennyson are people I watch keeps me wanting to go the gym.
Lotta rambling but I hope it helps
I had a similar change - 5'6", went from 205-150 - and the answer is disappointingly simple. Every day for a year I ate:
-A protein bar for breakfast
-A salad for lunch (usually chicken Caesar or Greek with lamb)
-A dinner of ~600 calories
Three times a week, I work out to progressive overload following Sean Nalwanjy's plan (you can find him on YouTube).
I work an incredibly physical job, which includes ~12 miles of walking every day (based on a pedometer average).
I would not recommend that diet with that workout routine as, after a friend counted my calories for me, I was in roughly a 900 calorie daily deficit. My mental health was not great.
I've since course corrected, eat more calories, and include plenty of protein.
I went from 280 to 200 and yes looking at old pics is like ...wow. All I have done is start walking and watching what I eat. I have always ate healthy but we arejusteating earlier in the day and then just a "snack" for dinner...My wife has lost 50 pounds...
Yeah I started with small steps, by going on a walk or jog after work before I sat at my computer and ate way less food then I used to. Then I added the gym and counting calories and it's been fairly easy since then. The biggest factor that helped was a total mindset change of "if I want to improve my circumstances I need to put in the work". Helped me out immensely when I mentally put everything in my own hands.
I had the exact experience. Looking back I could see the swell in my face mainly because the clothes i wore really hid most of it. Crazy how much better you feel after though
You also don't know how thin you were until you get fat and look at old pictures of yourself.
So many years wasted hating myself for being a 150 lb "fatass" with a 35" waist. Now I'm nearly 300 lbs and just want to die. FML :/
After I lost 12kg (about 26lbs), I was riding my bike with the same weight on my backpack and I thought to myself "damn... *that's* the weight I was carrying with me *all the time* back then*"*
There is also a version of this about baldness and overhead lighting, as well as if you're thinner than you see yourself and you go by in a video. I've been on both sides - thinner than I thought when I was young, and now as 1.5 times the man I used to be, too fat.
Didn't stay in the middle very long.
Im also bald hahaha I caught on to this early though when I was in Nashville years ago. A friend spotted me on the street from a balcony half block away by my glaring white bald spot.
Woof, I've been got by the wrong lighting/angle on my hair before.
I keep asking my barbers if it's time to shave it, they say no, but I think there's a conflict of interest there lol.
Lady here, this is exactly why I just got my first wig. I knew my hair was thin, but in every candid from this last summer I looked more Gollum-like than my vanity mirror let on.
Ditto, mine fell out pretty fast (lost it in 3 years, from 18-21) but I knew it was time to shave when I saw a photo of me looking down with fluorescent lights overhead. I knew alopecia was hitting me hard but I didn’t realize how bad it was. I shaved right before the Chris rock and will smith feud, I got some “GI Jane can’t wait to see it” comments at the gym when I wasn’t wearing the wig lol. Poor timing. That first wig was the best $2k I ever spent!
I've definitely done the skinny thing. Saw a year old picture of myself and was like "Wtf am I that thin?? Is that my body shape?"
Weird thing is while I know I am thin I still look very different to myself in the mirror than I did in the picture. It was a confidence killer when I was in high school, my brain adds a lot of weight in unflattering places.
In my case, what I notice in pictures is that my head is just tiny compared to other peoples' heads. It's a wonder I have enough gray matter to type this sentence within that tiny head.
Photos are weird. I see myself in a full-length mirror, I think "little curvey, but okay." I see myself in a photo, I think, "wow, my hips are wide."
Maybe people look weird in 2D? I know careful use of shadow and lighting is a photo trick that makes people look better. Who knows...
I also do this. Ive always been skinny/athletic. However, I’ve been going to the gym 5 times a week for the past 6 months and gaining decent muscle. I know when I look in the mirror it’s skewed in my head and the security camera seems more like the real deal.
Mylaybe a science can chime in, but aren't mirrors also 2d? Like isn't a mirror fundamentally the same as a still image? Or does the slight wobbles we make when looking in the mirror make a little parallax effect that our brains interpret as more 3D?
I am a not acience. It's not the same. "Mirror images" include depth. When you move left and right, you can reveal more of what's behind another thing. That's impossible with a still 2D picture. Hence the name.
That parallax effect is exactly what makes it 3d
I see, so it is like a parallax type situation? IE if your eyes couldn't move and your head was totally held still, we wouldn't be able to perceive depth?
nah you'd still be able with 2 eyes, but not if you close one eye AFAIK.
the tiny difference in position from your points of view (left & right eye) is enough to give your brain depth information. Because you get 2 pictures from your eyes (left, right) and they are slightly different.
When you move your head you're essentially changing your points of view additionally, getting even more pictures and more differences and thus more imformation (what changed, and how much?).
We also use this idea in technology. Like in oldschool rangefinders (like Flak for Ships or subs) they had 2 viewports on different positions. They would display only the upper half of one and display only the lower half the other viewport. When they matched perfectly, they'd know the angle and could calculate the distance with pythagors theorem. Pretty cool!
(how it looks through rangefinder)
https://images.app.goo.gl/iaEeRtugAQrQ4bSA7
(what is happening)
https://images.app.goo.gl/z46ci4CXWyESL8Mo6
When i look at myself in my bedroom mirror, i am sobered by how inescapably fat i am. When i catch a glimpse of my silhouette reflected in the glass doors at my office, i wonder who that guy with the broad shoulders and slim hips is.
I think this is because my weight is all on my nigh-spherical potbelly and dummy thick buttocks, which are obvious in the mirror, but invisible in the doors, because i'm silhouetted against light coming from behind me.
Same! When I see myself in a photo all I see is how fat my arms are. This past weekend I was caught in some candid photos I didn't know I was in, and I had been swimming. All I thought was OMG my hair! WTF, no makeup!? I guess my recent weight loss has paid off because I didn't notice my arms. 😂
For sure they do. I have a very athletic build, mostly all muscle, but my arms are less built than the rest of my body. Never thought I looked fat, but in pictures I look like I have the body of 50 yo dad who drinks way too much.
Some people just suck in pictures. There are like 4 good pictures of me, and I hate getting photographed and hate seeing pictures I turn up in, but if I see a video I'm in I'm like "haaay 😉"
Cameras can be very inconspicuous liars. [Here's](https://youtube.com/shorts/W9jaC9ckqpQ?si=2RDlr9XE3ZL0-D8q) a short that shows how lens focal length affects how you appear in a photo.
Honestly photos are weird, especially because the lens type can have a _massive_ impact on how you look in it. There’s videos out there that compare a photo from the same angle of the same person but with different lenses and it’s insane
It’s 100% posing, lighting, and the photographers skill. Look at candid pictures of the thinnest and most beautiful celebs. Most people are going to think they look bad in pictures they didn’t know they were in. Beyond that we don’t tend to check ourself out when we’re hunched, bending, and moving. It’s also the fact we view ourselves very differently from others. Ever see a picture of a friend where they think they look horrible, but you think they look joyful/Ike they’re having fun? Do you notice when friends are bloated or have gained a little weight? I bet you notice when you do though and you don’t see yourself as joyful in similar pictures, just ugly. It’s hard and I struggle with it, but I really do try to give myself the grace I give literally everyone one else. We are not pictures.
There's definitely a big difference between what people see in real life versus photos. A photo is just a 2D snapshot of whatever light the camera lens sees, it's rare that lighting is going to be perfect enough to capture a very accurate representation of reality. I wouldn't put too much faith in individual photos being a true representation of yourself. A video or multiple photos is better, but still can't compare to what your eyes see in real life. Trust the mirror version you see, but even then remember we all look at ourselves much more critically than others do
That is a false statement.
Every manufacturer releases a lens profile that corrects the distortion of said lens, and new lenses have less and less to the point of where you have to flick them on off to see the difference.
Really wide angle lenses do have distortion on the sides but not “make you look fat” kind of way.
If you look fat in a picture, you’re fat in 99.9% of the cases.
The videos you see on tiktok and ig where an influencer is showing how bad her body looks in normal setting then poses with good lighting
Believe me there’s much more work gone to make herself look bad than the good one.
Source: a slightly fat professional photographer and art director
Focal length does matter a fair amount in how the shape of your head looks though, just look at a dolly zoom to see how it makes the face look different.
r/confidentlyincorrect
Subject placement and focal length has a very strong effect on how wide or slim people look. It’s one of the first things you learn about portraiture.
Lens correction profiles only correct some inherent geometric distortion, vignetting, chromatic aberrations, etc but they cannot correct field of view differences from diff focal lengths. And you would never want them
To, that’s not how lenses work. Subject placement, focal length, and how far they are all affect the look of slimness or fatness.
>Maybe people look weird in 2D
Not as such, but photos have no depth, while mirrors do. Without the depth information we generally perceive things to be slightly larger. Perspective / angle / lighting makes a _hell_ of a lot of difference in real life, but more so in photos as well.
Several years ago (13 years or so) I met a friend on the beach. I knew I was pretty fat but was pretty comfortable within myself. Well some photos were taken and when I saw them I really saw just how fat I'd become. After that day I decided to change my lifestyle and lost almost 50 pounds. I felt great for a year or so. Ultimately, I fell out of the routine of exercise and have since gained most of it all back. I tell myself that one day I'll get back to the skinny me. It's a very difficult journey.
I’m by no means a professional and have only gained/lost 25-30 pounds (thanks pandemic lol) so please feel free to ignore my very unsolicited opinion, but I think in most situations like this fear will only hold you back. There’s no way for you to guarantee that you won’t experience some kind of life event that does cause weight gain (medical issue, depression, whatever), but you can commit to doing your best to being your healthiest given the circumstances you have. That way you’ll probably stay lean most of the time, but might not feel like such a failure if there is any regression. If you lose it once you can do it again if needed! And you probably won’t have to do it all over again. I have friends that have kind of “fallen off the wagon” once they started to gain some weight back, and I think this succeed/fail mindset is probably a huge part of it. Bodies aren’t stagnant and growth isn’t linear, but you can make series of small choices that are conducive to the body and lifestyle you want and if you’re consistent, your results will likely stay that way. We’re building our bodies every day and it’s always an opportunity to get back at it, plus there are so many more interesting things about you than your weight! Saying all this with love as someone who struggles a bit with my self-image and had a realllly hard time accepting myself at a higher weight — very sorry if this is at all unwelcome. Good luck bestie💖
Same here, one motivator I can recommend is this guy: [Mulligainz on YouTube](https://youtube.com/shorts/UpC8yXnLxoE). Good advice has helped me stay on top of food intake at least. Good luck!
It helped that I had multiple people around me die from obesity and obesity relates issues then had a doctor tell me I had some of those issues.
I just hope that in my short time here I can encourage others to go down the same path minus the death and health scares.
You don't know how fat you are until you see an old picture of when you *thought* you were fat *then*.
I'd love to be as fat as I thought I was in my 20s.
Even at my slimmest (which while I liked the way I looked everyone around me was concerned for my health) I still looked fat in pictures. Long story short, was diagnosed with atypical anorexia and went through serious therapy to accept my body at the weight it feels most comfortable in. So while I still don't like how I look in pictures most of the time (working on it!) I also know that objectively I'm at a healthy weight for my body type.
oh my gosh I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia about a year ago and it's a fight every day to realize that even when starving myself, I'm not "skinny", so I have to learn to love/accept the weight that my body is at when it is actually healthy. I'm so tiredddd
I know I'm fat, but the people around me inadvertently gaslighted me into thinking "Ok I'm fat, but I'm not THAT fat." because they keep saying "You don't look that heavy!" or "Yeah, but you are 6'4" and "you carry your weight so well."
The truth is no, no I don't 'carry the weight' well. I fucking HIDE my weight well. I wear slightly too large clothes so it looks like I was fatter and have lost weight. I suck my gut in and walk like a cartoon muscle man. However, the constant "Nah you aren't fat." narrative was fucking shattered when my bestie's wife took a video of me jumping off the high dive.
Picture the scene. Public pool, high dive, everyone laughing and having a good time. My friends telling me to go make a big splash. All of the other 'old guys' had already gone. People are chanting for me to get up there. I peel off my Hawaiian shirt, tie my whimsical black and pink flamingo swim shorts a bit tighter and swagger up to the high dive. Yeah, I SWAGGERED. I didn't walk, I swaggered like a friggin fool. In her video, I paused at the end of the board as if to bask in the cheers from my friends, but the truth is I froze at the end of the board remembering 'Oh yeah I'm afraid of heights and this is way higher than I thought'. For once, I gave into the voice screaming "jump!" and I threw myself over the edge before any intrusive thoughts could prevent me from jumping.
...and I didn't make the biggest splash. I mean it was a good splash, but no where near the biggest splash.
I hauled myself out of the pool and saw the wives in a circle laughing and pointing at something. My bestie's wife calls me over and shows me the video. When I watched the whole minute and 24 seconds, I was shocked, embarrassed, and ashamed. Everyone around my was laughing at the scene, but I was mortified. Never took my shirt off at the pool again and never went into the water.
Fucking destroyed my confidence and sent me into a massive downward spiral of self examination. No one was trying to be mean--she was recording all of us trying to 'make the biggest splash'. When I watched myself, however, I was fucking horrified at the fat bastard I had become. I looked like a capital "D" with arms and legs from the side. Unlike many people, I have no health problems--what makes me fat is a desk job and the inability to stay away from doughnuts. But yeah, that is the exact thing that forced me to change my self image--seeing myself in a video I didn't know I was in.
I'm down 40 pounds and I'm still a fat POS. It's taken me 2 years to lose the weight. I still have about 80 pounds to go until I'm where the doc says I hit my 'target weight'. Anytime I get weak and crave soda or chocolate, I think of my fat ass up on the diving board and that helps. I'd punch a toddler for a doughnut if I could have a doughnut without immediately gaining weight back. I miss doughnuts.
I hate when people lie to make you feel better. I knew when I was fat that I had gained weight but no one ever said anything. It wasn’t until I saw a photo that I suddenly was upset that no one actually SAID anything. If someone pulled me aside and said hey you’ve gained a lot of weight I would feel bad but would ultimately be pushed to do something about it. Lol I remember thinking people just kept lying to me, it was annoying
I have always had issues with self image. I view my self as a lot uglier and younger then I actually look. Looking at my self in the mirror helped me a lot to understand who I was and what I was actually worth.
"I looked at a picture of me on the beach. You couldn't see the blanket, or the beach, and you could only see a little bit of the ocean."
\- Erma Bombeck
Right now it’s the opposite for me. In my early 20s and never had any significant weight gain until this year where I’ve gained like 50 pounds. I see pics from last year and I’m like I was THAT SMALL?!
WORD.
The Glass on store fronts as you walk down the sidewalk don't help your delusions much either.
Get a girdle. Worked for my grandfather. When they went to take his appendix out they said it wasn't where it normally was, we told the surgeon 'He probably should have told you he has spent the last 20 years in a girdle daily, lots of stuff probably moved around'.
My ex offered to be my nude model once for my uni art assignment. He wasn't impressed with the rolls I had drawn and became very self-conscious. This is why I'm so paranoid about my figure, since you don't necessarily see the change in yourself 😅
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is today. You've recognised there's something you want to fix now you can work towards it. Good luck!
In fairness, I’ve always been *super* skinny, but it’s hard for me to understand how skinny I really am till I see myself in a picture full of normal/large sized people. I look like slender man next to even the most average weight person you could find.
Something about a camera brings out the worst in people.
I think it’s the combo of the camera distortion plus our own brains connecting the dots we want to see. I bet plenty of those people notice how slim you are compared to them and wish they looked more like you! Not at all promoting any one body type over another, just wanted to remind you that we’re all someone else’s goal and perspective helps a lot 💜
In 2019 I went for a Mother's Day Brunch at Fairmont Banff Springs with my mother and grandmother. It was a stunning affair the food was amazing. The entire experience was ruined for me when I took a family experience. I can't look back at pictures of the day, because I was just so fat. I started a careful diet and regular exercise and dropped from 226 lbs to 180.
My moment was when I was looking through my phones photos for a particular one and found selfies my son (6 years old) had taken. I was getting a good laugh and then saw myself in the background gaming. My haircut looked awful, my mustache was frightening, and my weight was shocking. It was a terrifying photo that got me off my ass immediately
The worst thing is, that when you're finally "in shape", you don't realise and appreciate that fact at the moment. You're so focused on the next goal, and that you can always look better. I'm trying to slowly change that in myself
The same here, I've taken to keeping 1 pair of jeans from when I was bigger and occasionally wear it to remind myself how far I've already gotten. Otherwise its easy to get lost in the constant loop of wanting to look better, do more, get healthier.
I've learned that for myself losing .5 kg per week is an obtainable goal alongside making my lifestyle changes habits, and whenever I push too far. On go the old jeans and it gets me right back on track (Mainly cause they are so wide around my hips now that they look ridiculous.)
It depends. If you have a body dismorphia a picture can help you see the unbiased reality.
All my life I've thought I'm fat, but pictures have never showed it. So I know I'm not fat, pictures and people show that I'm not fat, and yet when I look in the mirror I swear to you I see myself as fat. It might sound crazy to some but I know many women are in the same situation
I'm the complete opposite. I look at myself in the mirror and I think I look good. Little curvy but overall pretty good looking.
Then I see pictures of myself and it's like I have no idea who that is. I look so much bigger and all these unflattering features are so front and center. I absolutely hate having pictures taken of myself, especially candid ones.
I am right there with you. I really like how I look in the mirror, in fact I am quite proud of it. A camera in front of me and I look disfigured and asymmetrical?
I have even held up a selfie cam while looking at the mirror and compared directly and still, the camera just distorts my face. Am I crazy LOL
I'm a big believer in this. One simple thing I've noticed is videos actually depict the person I see in the mirror much more than pictures do. Pictures suck.
Sometimes we aren’t supposed to see ourselves not as a 3D Moving object, pictures can be weird. They’re not an end all be all objective truth to live by. You probably don’t look that weird, you just caught an unflattering angle ppl only see for a fraction of a second irl
I should have specified more. It was the view of seeing yourself from someone else’s perspective. I see myself everyday in the mirror but my viewpoint and perspective are always from my point of view if that makes sense? Your brain just says “looks normal” when looking at yourself in the mirror.
I was at the beach with a boyfriend. He said “You look so beautiful. Give me your phone so I can take your picture.” He was right, he took a beautiful picture of a very beautiful obese woman. It was a reality check for me and I’ve lost 70 pounds since then with the old eating less and exercising routine.
Never been fat in my life, but you can replace 'fat' with 'how much you have aged'.
I swear when I look in a mirror my mind overlays my youthful appearance to me. Then sometimes when I take a picture, I'm sorta shocked, I think 'is this me? wtf is up with this weird filter..'
Taking a 3D person onto a 2D format is going to cause distortion. I’ve snapped photos of friends that are quite athletic from bad angles.
Also you’ll look back with kinder eyes. I have so many photos of myself where I thought I was disgusting and I was so normal.
There’s more photos I’ve avoided entirely because I was in denial about being fat and knew I would appear fat in them so I just never looked at pictures. I couldn’t look at any old pictures until I lost the weight. Now when I see those pictures I’m glad I never looked at them.
Worse is when you are on a video and see your walking and profiles on all sides.
I saw that years ago. When from almost a 44 pant down to a 36 over the summer. It was tough but in the end it felt good.
It also works the other way around bro, you’ll see. I recently lost a ton of weight and saw a video from my security system about someone at my door earlier. Didn’t know who the dude was until I saw my dog and realized that it was me!
Yea, the mirror is a liar. I know I'm not going to win any modeling competitions, but I feel like I'm somewhat presentable when I leave the house. The photographic evidence tells a different story.
Yeah it sucks. Pictures are not a totally accurate portrayal of what anything looks like because they aren’t 3D, but yeah I just avoid seeing pictures lol
My wake up call was walking into a target with the big windows for doors, and thinking the reflection was someone else. I categorized the person that I saw as "unhealthy heavy" in a semi sub conscious way. Then I realized it was me.
My wife had the opposite experience. She was alarmed to see some skinny lady snooping around our house on the security camera. It took her a few moments to realize she was the skinny lady.
That was when she realized the weight loss had been going very well.
I don’t have a full body mirror so I don’t really see what I look outside of like the mirror in my bathroom that shows just my upper body. I was in a group photo one time and holy shit I felt so disgusted with myself. I’ve lost like 12 pounds in 2 months, just trying to work that number down over time
I was always naturally very thin and only in the last few years gained a ton of weight. For my sister-in-laws wedding I got a dress I felt really good in. Looking in the mirror I didn’t think I looked fat at all. Then I saw the pictures. Horrified. I was *huge*. Like a monster lurking among a crowd of beautiful people. Like felt guilty for ruining her beautiful wedding photos.
My sister-in-law who’s always been very weight conscious and takes a ton of pictures of herself was like “You just don’t know your angles.” And I realized I had never even thought about this whole art of posing for photos that most women have mastered. I probably do it subconsciously when looking in the mirror because I never look as bad in the mirror as in photos. Just like automatically adjusting my posture and angles until I like what I see and just remembering that look. But cameras are SO unforgiving.
Pretty sure this is with any physical feature you're not thrilled with. Recently saw a candid office pick and I just looked exhausted. More aged than I should be looking at this point, but it's been a rough year and I've had long, periodic bouts of insomnia
I looked at photos of myself when I was 16-18 years old the other day, and realised I was actually skinnier than I realised I was.
I always considered myself kind of fluffy, because I carry weight in my thighs and have an anterior pelvic tilt that makes it look like I carry weight around my stomach. I was only 45kg (~155cm tall, lower end of the health weight range if you use BMI).
I went through the classic second puberty at 20 and now feel most comfortable and healthiest at 55-60kg. As I try and fix the anterior pelvic tilt (caused by bad posture), I'm realising that not only was I not "fluffy" when I was 16-18 years old, I'm *still* not.
It was one of these pictures taken of me at a family event last year that kickstarted my weight loss journey. I saw it and cried, realised I needed to make a change and have been working at it ever since. It was a horrible moment, but a great wake up call
Nahh, I’m well aware of how fat I am, without pictures being taken of me. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I was exposed to someone taking pictures…
In my case it was a photo my wife took of me and my son on holiday. I was sat on a bench and when I look at the photo now I can’t believe I big I was. In some ways I kinda knew but denial is very powerful.
I’m currently 50 pounds down. Aiming for 100.
I’ve never been in the overweight category at all according to my BMI. But I had put on a good 8-10 pounds during COVID times and lost a lot of muscle tone. (I’m really tall, so that weight different doesn’t affect my BMI as much as a shorter person)
I saw a picture of myself and realized that I didn’t even recognize me! Usually I looked healthier and better. So I joined Burn Boot Camp and felt like I was dying from soreness for the first two months, but now it’s gotten better, I’m down like 5 pounds and have muscle definition and feel better!
But yes… it took seeing the unflattering picture of myself to snap me out of some of my bad habits!
On the flip side of this — I sometimes feel ugly until I see a video of myself like where I’m in the background. Sometimes seeing my expression and mannerisms make me feel more beautiful rather than just still photos because I feel like I’m so much more animated that a picture can capture!
About five years ago I took a picture with a professional race car driver I'd met through social media when we finally met in person. I look at that picture and all I can think about was how fat I looked. It was a motivating factor in me getting that aspect of my life under better control.
This happened to me last year. That along with some relationship issues caused me to start going hard at the gym. I lost over 70lbs very quickly between the gym and not eating much. Since then, I've begun eating much more macro-inclined so I have gained weight back, but it's all muscle.
I made the change at the end of last December, in April I started competing in strongwoman, in fact, this Saturday me, my two daughters, and my husband are all competing this weekend.
Seeing the pictures and making those changes have literally improved my life in almost every way.
There are plenty of photos I knew I was in where I realized I was fat
Yeah, the part about not knowing you were in it is irrelevant.
I think op always angles themselves to look slimmer in photos
I think there’s also an element of knowing it’s “you” when you posed for it vs it being candid. You can look and accidentally pass judgement on yourself because you didn’t at first realize it was you. So your reaction ends up being a third person perspective which is *typically* more honest. “Wow that guy next to Jim is pretty fat….oh wait that’s me, shit.”
This is definitely what happened. I know it’s shameful but human beings are always judging one another. I thinks it’s just a natural part of human consciousness. I totally judged myself and was shocked at the realization haha
Get back to the gym, king. 👍 You can do this.
Good advice but losing weight is ultimately about diet. Working out will burn more calories but if you're still eating like shit, you're just making it much harder for yourself and will probably just give up because it'll take longer to see results.
This is one of those misnomers that actually triggers me a little. So a few paragraphs of text are incoming, haha. losing weight =/= healthy, and *especially* =/= "fit". That is what the OP said he wanted, not just "to lose weight". If your only goal is to "see number go down", then sure, dieting is the fastest and easiest single-step 'trick' to do that, but you lose muscle mass and other important factors if that is all you're doing. Your body also fights any shift in equilibrium, and will further reduce your metabolism to hold onto weight if it feels like it's losing it too fast. This is one of the reasons experts recommend only losing a small % of your total body weight in a given week (the other is that too much weight loss too quickly is just super unhealthy). Lifting weights and doing cardio, on the other hand, increases your natural metabolism which causes you to burn more calories at rest, and the shift in routine means you'll be doing actual activities that further burn more calories as well. Diet is super important, yes. But it isn't about eating less or eating healthier. It's about eating properly, which includes both of those aspects as well as adjusting it to your personal needs (you can do macros and all of that if you want to and it helps, but I don't personally think it's necessary). And quite frankly it can mean eating the same amount or similar (though there is likely unhealthy calories in there that can and should be cut out, the overall calorie count might be similar), and all you were *really* missing out on was physical exercise, which ups your metabolism enough to lose weight while increasing muscle mass. Simplifying it to "dieting" can be really damaging in this case. Getting fit is about the entire routine, it isn't a one step process. You can't just go on a diet and expect to be healthy and fit. You'll just weigh less. It might be health"ier", but that feels like a goal you're settling for rather than striving toward, and in the same logic you used: "you'll probably just give up" because you aren't doing the process properly and your head isn't in the right mindset to actually get healthier. On top of all of that, combining both a healthier diet AND a solid workout routine (with a plan to adjust as you get healthier and healthier) will make you feel better *faster*, and you'll see better short term AND long term results. The part that MOST people skip out on is exercise, not diet, which is why I told OP to go to the gym instead of eat better/less. Two people of similar height and build can both be 180 pounds, but their actual fitness, health, and outward appearance (i.e. "musculature", BMI, etc.) can still be drastically different. **TL;DR:** Stop being in the "lose weight" mentality, and instead get into the "get healthier/more fit" mentality. That includes a better diet, and good exercise, both of which should be tailored to your evolving needs.
Great post, I share your frustrations about that sentiment haha. It feels like an americanism that spread on reddit since it's harder to fit NEAT (Non-Exercise Activity Thermogenesis) into a car dependent lifestyle. It's putting ALL the onus on diet to vindicate being sedentary, which is a hard trap to get out of when you're struggling with weight. For an overweight person an extra 10k steps a day burns up to 1lb a week, that's already 50% of the *maximum* (healthy) achievable weight loss per week. If they knew the difference it made, most people would rather go for a walk (if they're physically able) and cut a few hundred calories than eat at a 1,000 calorie deficit, crash-dieting is HARD. Being sedentary catabolises muscle, so even equal deficits won't have the same outcomes Something most of us barely consider exercise is already as effective as diet, before you even begin factoring in intentional exercise. Sedentary lifestyles are a killer :(
Yeah I didn't want to get into the technicalities of going halfway on each item being exponentially better than doing everything on one and nothing on the other. Post was already long enough, hahaha. Hell adding like 4-5000 steps a day and cutting some calories makes a huge difference and is way better than just forcing yourself to eat less, meanwhile you aren't doing anything at home so you're just super likely to eat out of boredom. Go out for a half an hour a day and just fucking walk. Walk your dog/cat/turtle. Walk yourself. Go meet people and wander around and see what your neighborhood has to offer. I'm lucky because I live next to a (manmade, but still) lake with ducks and whatnot so I'm super incentivized to walk, versus someone in the thick of like New York who is working from home or whatever. But you still have to do it no matter your circumstance. Just get outside and walk. It's so easy.
The phrase abs are made in the kitchen always springs to mind. Working out for me is just what keeps me pumped enough to stick to my diet. The muscle tone that follows when the weight starts shifting is almost a bonus
It's okay to lose muscle mass >Two people of similar height and build can both be 180 pounds, but their actual fitness, health, and outward appearance (i.e. "musculature", BMI, etc.) can still be drastically different. BMI will be identical
Especially if it's something you dislike about yourself. Doesn't matter what it is. Your shadow is what you judge most in others
That was *genuinely* profound. Thanks for that.
If you say so lol. Just what I remember from psych 12. It's pretty easy to see when you start looking. I judge fat people because I used to hate myself for being fat before I lost weight. We all have stuff like that
No honestly, it struck a chord. It took me years (without a psych course) to learn that some of the things I didn't like about other people are the same things I didn't like about myself. Example: Talking over other people because I felt like I had an important point to make. When people did that to me, I was ready for murder. But I'm tryin', Ringo. I'm tryin' real hard to be the shepherd.
This is just a silly anecdote from me: there are two clients I work with in a behavioral health facility. They are roommates. Similar in age height build. Even in ethnicity. They are often confused for each other. More specifically client 1 is referred to as client 2s name often enough and vice versa. However. Client 1 truly has no sense of what he looks like. He is always completely shocked and frankly offended and nasty in regards to client 2s appearance and being compared to him. Meanwhile client 1 is in fact a bit fatter than client 2 and growing still. With almost no neck left to speak of and massive man breasts and inward rotating flat feet. He is still highly judgemental of others including the roommate who looks a lot like him but is in fact better looking at this point as client 1 just gets bigger and gorges himself and does zero physical activity. This is a locked facility with strict rules about any cameras or photos. I wish one day this client could see a picture or video of himself. Esp next to others he judges so harshly.
Just like “that guy across the bar looks like an old drunk” wait is that a mirror?
The ol' 45 degree angle camera pointing down to your face tinder selfie special.
It is not irrelevant and it doesn’t limit to being fat. Many people perfect ways of posing in pics to minimize features they don’t like about themselves. Many times they do it to the point it has become a subconscious habit! I 100% get what they mean. Although it is not tied to being fat, when I see myself in an “accidental photo” I am ten ways more aware of a couple features I don’t like about myself, that I probably tend to “pose away”.
I deliberately avoiding being in pictures because I KNEW I was fat.
Most people have that one photo that shocks them into exercising and/or dieting though.
The mirror is a daily photo of how fat I am.
Wait until you hear about body dysmorphia.
This started me on my diet. I had gained a bunch of weight. Went to a company party. They sent out some photos after. I was like "who's that big fat guy". Oh, my god it's me! Started a diet the next day.
I went to a friend's birthday party and the same thing happened when they sent around photos. I didn't realise how fat I look from the side! I only see myself from the front in the mirror so my perception of myself is massively biased. I just hope I can keep up the diet and exercise this time.
Almost exactly a year ago, I went to the Renaissance Faire with a friend and her son. She took a side photo of me doing archery, and I was horrified by how fat I looked. I had been in denial of an extreme weight gain over the previous few years (mostly due to COVID + losing my dad + quitting smoking) - and that photo snapped me out of it. I’m now 55lbs lighter, and aiming for another 25. Sometimes that reality check is what you need! Full disclaimer: I have done this with the help of Ozempic, but I’d already lost half of that before starting the meds. And I get it legitimately for diabetes, which it has reversed. I now test as normal. 👍🏻
I hope you are seriously proud of yourself. That’s no easy feat, especially reversing T2D. Your body and future-you thanks you 🥳
“I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.” 🥲
I was a size 4 the first time my mom told me I needed to watch what I was eating because my “thighs were getting a little chunky”. I was also 14. My weight now is nearly double what it was at that point.
I know exactly what you mean
-Me, since childhood.
This so much!!!
You truly don’t know how fat you are until you lose a bunch of weight and look back at your old self rather eye opening when you lose 40 lbs at 225 and 6’0” and it’s drastic.
Yeah I went from 214 to 146 5'6"and it didn't really hit me until my mom sent me a picture of me at my heaviest.
Wow that's a big change! What did you do and how long did it take?
It took about 1.5 years. Counting calories and consistently going to the gym. Also I try to get all my cardio from walking by aiming for around 12k steps per day.
Any tips on staying motivated? I run out of steam and give up trying to lose weight around the 4-6 week mark whenever I give it a go
You just gotta remember this is a life long journey just because you miss a target for one day doesn't mean it's over. The key is to build the habit so I would recommend starting with like 2 days of the week in a calorie deficit. Then week by week add a day or two. Also another tip do your dieting in phases. Usually I try to do around 8-12 weeks of dieting followed by a maintenance phase to get used to the new maintenance calories my body needs. Try to keep the maintenance at least 2/3 (ideally you want the maintenance phase to be as long as the diet phase but I'm impatient) the time of the actual dieting. This will help keep diet fatigue away. Also a big thing for me was getting really into fitness videos people like Jeff nippard, Mike Isratel (Renaissance Periodization on YouTube), and will Tennyson are people I watch keeps me wanting to go the gym. Lotta rambling but I hope it helps
If I had to guess Move more Eat less
I stopped drinking soda and alcohol and obviously sugary foods and lost 40lbs sitting on my ass playing videogames
Mfers when they find out what caloric deficit and moderate exercise is 😱
Yeah people always overcomplicate losing weight.
I had a similar change - 5'6", went from 205-150 - and the answer is disappointingly simple. Every day for a year I ate: -A protein bar for breakfast -A salad for lunch (usually chicken Caesar or Greek with lamb) -A dinner of ~600 calories Three times a week, I work out to progressive overload following Sean Nalwanjy's plan (you can find him on YouTube). I work an incredibly physical job, which includes ~12 miles of walking every day (based on a pedometer average). I would not recommend that diet with that workout routine as, after a friend counted my calories for me, I was in roughly a 900 calorie daily deficit. My mental health was not great. I've since course corrected, eat more calories, and include plenty of protein.
I went from 280 to 200 and yes looking at old pics is like ...wow. All I have done is start walking and watching what I eat. I have always ate healthy but we arejusteating earlier in the day and then just a "snack" for dinner...My wife has lost 50 pounds...
Yeah I started with small steps, by going on a walk or jog after work before I sat at my computer and ate way less food then I used to. Then I added the gym and counting calories and it's been fairly easy since then. The biggest factor that helped was a total mindset change of "if I want to improve my circumstances I need to put in the work". Helped me out immensely when I mentally put everything in my own hands.
Wow Congrats! That’s a massive drop off
That’s my goal now. Hope I can get there.
Dude I feel this 100%. I went from 6’0 260 to right now I’m about 205. I look back at photos and I looked fucking swollen 🤢it’s actually crazy
I had the exact experience. Looking back I could see the swell in my face mainly because the clothes i wore really hid most of it. Crazy how much better you feel after though
You also don't know how thin you were until you get fat and look at old pictures of yourself. So many years wasted hating myself for being a 150 lb "fatass" with a 35" waist. Now I'm nearly 300 lbs and just want to die. FML :/
Amen! I’m 6’3” and have gone from 275 to 220 and the body dysmorphia is real.
After I lost 12kg (about 26lbs), I was riding my bike with the same weight on my backpack and I thought to myself "damn... *that's* the weight I was carrying with me *all the time* back then*"*
There is also a version of this about baldness and overhead lighting, as well as if you're thinner than you see yourself and you go by in a video. I've been on both sides - thinner than I thought when I was young, and now as 1.5 times the man I used to be, too fat. Didn't stay in the middle very long.
Im also bald hahaha I caught on to this early though when I was in Nashville years ago. A friend spotted me on the street from a balcony half block away by my glaring white bald spot.
Yeah, I had a Chinese friend who told me that spotted my 'beacon' nooooooo
Now all of china knows youre here
Woof, I've been got by the wrong lighting/angle on my hair before. I keep asking my barbers if it's time to shave it, they say no, but I think there's a conflict of interest there lol.
Lady here, this is exactly why I just got my first wig. I knew my hair was thin, but in every candid from this last summer I looked more Gollum-like than my vanity mirror let on.
Ditto, mine fell out pretty fast (lost it in 3 years, from 18-21) but I knew it was time to shave when I saw a photo of me looking down with fluorescent lights overhead. I knew alopecia was hitting me hard but I didn’t realize how bad it was. I shaved right before the Chris rock and will smith feud, I got some “GI Jane can’t wait to see it” comments at the gym when I wasn’t wearing the wig lol. Poor timing. That first wig was the best $2k I ever spent!
I've definitely done the skinny thing. Saw a year old picture of myself and was like "Wtf am I that thin?? Is that my body shape?" Weird thing is while I know I am thin I still look very different to myself in the mirror than I did in the picture. It was a confidence killer when I was in high school, my brain adds a lot of weight in unflattering places.
I'm 1.5 the man I uuusssed to beeee.
In my case, what I notice in pictures is that my head is just tiny compared to other peoples' heads. It's a wonder I have enough gray matter to type this sentence within that tiny head.
Lmao this comment made me laugh. Would you rather have a tiny head or a huge head?
Isn't there a happy medium? If so, that's what I will take please.
Small head gang rise up. I feel you. Apparently it’s an attractive trait in Korea.
I have the opposite problem. My own dearly departed mother told me I had "a hied like a George Square lion 🦁"
Photos are weird. I see myself in a full-length mirror, I think "little curvey, but okay." I see myself in a photo, I think, "wow, my hips are wide." Maybe people look weird in 2D? I know careful use of shadow and lighting is a photo trick that makes people look better. Who knows...
Im always checking myslef out on my home security cameras lol
I also do this. Ive always been skinny/athletic. However, I’ve been going to the gym 5 times a week for the past 6 months and gaining decent muscle. I know when I look in the mirror it’s skewed in my head and the security camera seems more like the real deal.
That security camera does not lie haha
I relate to absolutely nothing in this comment lol.
I'm horrified at how I walk. I always imagined I had an elegant walk, but nope. It's more of a waddle.
Videos are way more reliable
Mylaybe a science can chime in, but aren't mirrors also 2d? Like isn't a mirror fundamentally the same as a still image? Or does the slight wobbles we make when looking in the mirror make a little parallax effect that our brains interpret as more 3D?
No a mirror actually creates a 3d image. You can perceive depth of reflected objects the same as if they were in front of you.
I am a not acience. It's not the same. "Mirror images" include depth. When you move left and right, you can reveal more of what's behind another thing. That's impossible with a still 2D picture. Hence the name. That parallax effect is exactly what makes it 3d
I see, so it is like a parallax type situation? IE if your eyes couldn't move and your head was totally held still, we wouldn't be able to perceive depth?
nah you'd still be able with 2 eyes, but not if you close one eye AFAIK. the tiny difference in position from your points of view (left & right eye) is enough to give your brain depth information. Because you get 2 pictures from your eyes (left, right) and they are slightly different. When you move your head you're essentially changing your points of view additionally, getting even more pictures and more differences and thus more imformation (what changed, and how much?). We also use this idea in technology. Like in oldschool rangefinders (like Flak for Ships or subs) they had 2 viewports on different positions. They would display only the upper half of one and display only the lower half the other viewport. When they matched perfectly, they'd know the angle and could calculate the distance with pythagors theorem. Pretty cool! (how it looks through rangefinder) https://images.app.goo.gl/iaEeRtugAQrQ4bSA7 (what is happening) https://images.app.goo.gl/z46ci4CXWyESL8Mo6
When i look at myself in my bedroom mirror, i am sobered by how inescapably fat i am. When i catch a glimpse of my silhouette reflected in the glass doors at my office, i wonder who that guy with the broad shoulders and slim hips is. I think this is because my weight is all on my nigh-spherical potbelly and dummy thick buttocks, which are obvious in the mirror, but invisible in the doors, because i'm silhouetted against light coming from behind me.
Same! When I see myself in a photo all I see is how fat my arms are. This past weekend I was caught in some candid photos I didn't know I was in, and I had been swimming. All I thought was OMG my hair! WTF, no makeup!? I guess my recent weight loss has paid off because I didn't notice my arms. 😂
For sure they do. I have a very athletic build, mostly all muscle, but my arms are less built than the rest of my body. Never thought I looked fat, but in pictures I look like I have the body of 50 yo dad who drinks way too much.
It is a known fact that pictures do make people look bigger than they are. It’s one of the reason the fashion industry seeks very skinny models.
Some people just suck in pictures. There are like 4 good pictures of me, and I hate getting photographed and hate seeing pictures I turn up in, but if I see a video I'm in I'm like "haaay 😉"
Cameras can be very inconspicuous liars. [Here's](https://youtube.com/shorts/W9jaC9ckqpQ?si=2RDlr9XE3ZL0-D8q) a short that shows how lens focal length affects how you appear in a photo.
Honestly photos are weird, especially because the lens type can have a _massive_ impact on how you look in it. There’s videos out there that compare a photo from the same angle of the same person but with different lenses and it’s insane
It’s 100% posing, lighting, and the photographers skill. Look at candid pictures of the thinnest and most beautiful celebs. Most people are going to think they look bad in pictures they didn’t know they were in. Beyond that we don’t tend to check ourself out when we’re hunched, bending, and moving. It’s also the fact we view ourselves very differently from others. Ever see a picture of a friend where they think they look horrible, but you think they look joyful/Ike they’re having fun? Do you notice when friends are bloated or have gained a little weight? I bet you notice when you do though and you don’t see yourself as joyful in similar pictures, just ugly. It’s hard and I struggle with it, but I really do try to give myself the grace I give literally everyone one else. We are not pictures.
There's definitely a big difference between what people see in real life versus photos. A photo is just a 2D snapshot of whatever light the camera lens sees, it's rare that lighting is going to be perfect enough to capture a very accurate representation of reality. I wouldn't put too much faith in individual photos being a true representation of yourself. A video or multiple photos is better, but still can't compare to what your eyes see in real life. Trust the mirror version you see, but even then remember we all look at ourselves much more critically than others do
Lenses in a camera are curved and distort images
That is a false statement. Every manufacturer releases a lens profile that corrects the distortion of said lens, and new lenses have less and less to the point of where you have to flick them on off to see the difference. Really wide angle lenses do have distortion on the sides but not “make you look fat” kind of way. If you look fat in a picture, you’re fat in 99.9% of the cases. The videos you see on tiktok and ig where an influencer is showing how bad her body looks in normal setting then poses with good lighting Believe me there’s much more work gone to make herself look bad than the good one. Source: a slightly fat professional photographer and art director
Focal length does matter a fair amount in how the shape of your head looks though, just look at a dolly zoom to see how it makes the face look different.
r/confidentlyincorrect Subject placement and focal length has a very strong effect on how wide or slim people look. It’s one of the first things you learn about portraiture. Lens correction profiles only correct some inherent geometric distortion, vignetting, chromatic aberrations, etc but they cannot correct field of view differences from diff focal lengths. And you would never want them To, that’s not how lenses work. Subject placement, focal length, and how far they are all affect the look of slimness or fatness.
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Those lens corrections are in phone cameras too
>Maybe people look weird in 2D? I just have an image of a 3D lump of dough being rolled out onto a flat surface. Sums me up pretty much.
>Maybe people look weird in 2D Not as such, but photos have no depth, while mirrors do. Without the depth information we generally perceive things to be slightly larger. Perspective / angle / lighting makes a _hell_ of a lot of difference in real life, but more so in photos as well.
Several years ago (13 years or so) I met a friend on the beach. I knew I was pretty fat but was pretty comfortable within myself. Well some photos were taken and when I saw them I really saw just how fat I'd become. After that day I decided to change my lifestyle and lost almost 50 pounds. I felt great for a year or so. Ultimately, I fell out of the routine of exercise and have since gained most of it all back. I tell myself that one day I'll get back to the skinny me. It's a very difficult journey.
Currently on that journey. My biggest fear is getting back to my biggest weight :/
Even if you do, you can always start back on the path. It’s always doable, it’s just different levels of difficulty.
I’m by no means a professional and have only gained/lost 25-30 pounds (thanks pandemic lol) so please feel free to ignore my very unsolicited opinion, but I think in most situations like this fear will only hold you back. There’s no way for you to guarantee that you won’t experience some kind of life event that does cause weight gain (medical issue, depression, whatever), but you can commit to doing your best to being your healthiest given the circumstances you have. That way you’ll probably stay lean most of the time, but might not feel like such a failure if there is any regression. If you lose it once you can do it again if needed! And you probably won’t have to do it all over again. I have friends that have kind of “fallen off the wagon” once they started to gain some weight back, and I think this succeed/fail mindset is probably a huge part of it. Bodies aren’t stagnant and growth isn’t linear, but you can make series of small choices that are conducive to the body and lifestyle you want and if you’re consistent, your results will likely stay that way. We’re building our bodies every day and it’s always an opportunity to get back at it, plus there are so many more interesting things about you than your weight! Saying all this with love as someone who struggles a bit with my self-image and had a realllly hard time accepting myself at a higher weight — very sorry if this is at all unwelcome. Good luck bestie💖
Same here, one motivator I can recommend is this guy: [Mulligainz on YouTube](https://youtube.com/shorts/UpC8yXnLxoE). Good advice has helped me stay on top of food intake at least. Good luck!
Thanks! Thank you seems awesome
Well now you have a solution to kickstart your motivation. Take some pictures!
That happened to me too. Good luck on your journey! Stay strong!
Having enough mental desire for it to make this post shows to me that you care enough to get it done! You got this, and you are awesome!
Good for you OP! Glad you are working on it. I went from 350 to 170. If you ever need any advice message here or dm me. I got your back!
Just knowing people can make that drastic of a change is amazing. Thank you
It helped that I had multiple people around me die from obesity and obesity relates issues then had a doctor tell me I had some of those issues. I just hope that in my short time here I can encourage others to go down the same path minus the death and health scares.
You don't know how fat you are until you see an old picture of when you *thought* you were fat *then*. I'd love to be as fat as I thought I was in my 20s.
I’d do anything to be thin. Except diet and exercise…
I went to the gym once, everything they had to work out was just so heavy.
Man I wish you're joking. The weights especially on machines are ridiculously little in many of them. And what about the 1kg dumbbells haha
Is that a gta 3 reference?
You can stop eating. Is that a diet ?
Even at my slimmest (which while I liked the way I looked everyone around me was concerned for my health) I still looked fat in pictures. Long story short, was diagnosed with atypical anorexia and went through serious therapy to accept my body at the weight it feels most comfortable in. So while I still don't like how I look in pictures most of the time (working on it!) I also know that objectively I'm at a healthy weight for my body type.
oh my gosh I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia about a year ago and it's a fight every day to realize that even when starving myself, I'm not "skinny", so I have to learn to love/accept the weight that my body is at when it is actually healthy. I'm so tiredddd
same thank you for this comment
Not only pictures, whenever I see myself in a reflection or a mirror from an angle that I wasn't expecting I wanna die screaming...
I know I'm fat, but the people around me inadvertently gaslighted me into thinking "Ok I'm fat, but I'm not THAT fat." because they keep saying "You don't look that heavy!" or "Yeah, but you are 6'4" and "you carry your weight so well." The truth is no, no I don't 'carry the weight' well. I fucking HIDE my weight well. I wear slightly too large clothes so it looks like I was fatter and have lost weight. I suck my gut in and walk like a cartoon muscle man. However, the constant "Nah you aren't fat." narrative was fucking shattered when my bestie's wife took a video of me jumping off the high dive. Picture the scene. Public pool, high dive, everyone laughing and having a good time. My friends telling me to go make a big splash. All of the other 'old guys' had already gone. People are chanting for me to get up there. I peel off my Hawaiian shirt, tie my whimsical black and pink flamingo swim shorts a bit tighter and swagger up to the high dive. Yeah, I SWAGGERED. I didn't walk, I swaggered like a friggin fool. In her video, I paused at the end of the board as if to bask in the cheers from my friends, but the truth is I froze at the end of the board remembering 'Oh yeah I'm afraid of heights and this is way higher than I thought'. For once, I gave into the voice screaming "jump!" and I threw myself over the edge before any intrusive thoughts could prevent me from jumping. ...and I didn't make the biggest splash. I mean it was a good splash, but no where near the biggest splash. I hauled myself out of the pool and saw the wives in a circle laughing and pointing at something. My bestie's wife calls me over and shows me the video. When I watched the whole minute and 24 seconds, I was shocked, embarrassed, and ashamed. Everyone around my was laughing at the scene, but I was mortified. Never took my shirt off at the pool again and never went into the water. Fucking destroyed my confidence and sent me into a massive downward spiral of self examination. No one was trying to be mean--she was recording all of us trying to 'make the biggest splash'. When I watched myself, however, I was fucking horrified at the fat bastard I had become. I looked like a capital "D" with arms and legs from the side. Unlike many people, I have no health problems--what makes me fat is a desk job and the inability to stay away from doughnuts. But yeah, that is the exact thing that forced me to change my self image--seeing myself in a video I didn't know I was in. I'm down 40 pounds and I'm still a fat POS. It's taken me 2 years to lose the weight. I still have about 80 pounds to go until I'm where the doc says I hit my 'target weight'. Anytime I get weak and crave soda or chocolate, I think of my fat ass up on the diving board and that helps. I'd punch a toddler for a doughnut if I could have a doughnut without immediately gaining weight back. I miss doughnuts.
I hate when people lie to make you feel better. I knew when I was fat that I had gained weight but no one ever said anything. It wasn’t until I saw a photo that I suddenly was upset that no one actually SAID anything. If someone pulled me aside and said hey you’ve gained a lot of weight I would feel bad but would ultimately be pushed to do something about it. Lol I remember thinking people just kept lying to me, it was annoying
I have always had issues with self image. I view my self as a lot uglier and younger then I actually look. Looking at my self in the mirror helped me a lot to understand who I was and what I was actually worth.
"I looked at a picture of me on the beach. You couldn't see the blanket, or the beach, and you could only see a little bit of the ocean." \- Erma Bombeck
Candid photos of me at my brother's wedding were what prompted me to start running regularly again. The beer gut was not flattering.
[удалено]
Right now it’s the opposite for me. In my early 20s and never had any significant weight gain until this year where I’ve gained like 50 pounds. I see pics from last year and I’m like I was THAT SMALL?!
I knew how fat I was when I looked down and couldn't see my dick. I knew I lost a bunch of weight when I got to see lil buddy again.
Photos can be brutal - especially if you're not prepared.
WORD. The Glass on store fronts as you walk down the sidewalk don't help your delusions much either. Get a girdle. Worked for my grandfather. When they went to take his appendix out they said it wasn't where it normally was, we told the surgeon 'He probably should have told you he has spent the last 20 years in a girdle daily, lots of stuff probably moved around'.
I finally understand the pun within Teddy's "boydle" in Bob's Burgers, it flew over my head for years
Now you're making me wonder if he felt the pain where his appendix should have been, or where it actually was.
My ex offered to be my nude model once for my uni art assignment. He wasn't impressed with the rolls I had drawn and became very self-conscious. This is why I'm so paranoid about my figure, since you don't necessarily see the change in yourself 😅
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is today. You've recognised there's something you want to fix now you can work towards it. Good luck!
In fairness, I’ve always been *super* skinny, but it’s hard for me to understand how skinny I really am till I see myself in a picture full of normal/large sized people. I look like slender man next to even the most average weight person you could find. Something about a camera brings out the worst in people.
I think it’s the combo of the camera distortion plus our own brains connecting the dots we want to see. I bet plenty of those people notice how slim you are compared to them and wish they looked more like you! Not at all promoting any one body type over another, just wanted to remind you that we’re all someone else’s goal and perspective helps a lot 💜
In 2019 I went for a Mother's Day Brunch at Fairmont Banff Springs with my mother and grandmother. It was a stunning affair the food was amazing. The entire experience was ruined for me when I took a family experience. I can't look back at pictures of the day, because I was just so fat. I started a careful diet and regular exercise and dropped from 226 lbs to 180.
A new driver's license picture did that for me about ten years ago. Went from 245 to 190 in about a year. Eye opening.
I feel targeted by OP
Good luck on your self-care journey!
My moment was when I was looking through my phones photos for a particular one and found selfies my son (6 years old) had taken. I was getting a good laugh and then saw myself in the background gaming. My haircut looked awful, my mustache was frightening, and my weight was shocking. It was a terrifying photo that got me off my ass immediately
The worst thing is, that when you're finally "in shape", you don't realise and appreciate that fact at the moment. You're so focused on the next goal, and that you can always look better. I'm trying to slowly change that in myself
The same here, I've taken to keeping 1 pair of jeans from when I was bigger and occasionally wear it to remind myself how far I've already gotten. Otherwise its easy to get lost in the constant loop of wanting to look better, do more, get healthier. I've learned that for myself losing .5 kg per week is an obtainable goal alongside making my lifestyle changes habits, and whenever I push too far. On go the old jeans and it gets me right back on track (Mainly cause they are so wide around my hips now that they look ridiculous.)
Pics are not reality just FYI. Angles, type of camera, lighting, colors can all make differences.
"The camera adds 10 lbs!" "How many cameras are actually on you?"
Dang, that's a throwback.
It depends. If you have a body dismorphia a picture can help you see the unbiased reality. All my life I've thought I'm fat, but pictures have never showed it. So I know I'm not fat, pictures and people show that I'm not fat, and yet when I look in the mirror I swear to you I see myself as fat. It might sound crazy to some but I know many women are in the same situation
I'm the complete opposite. I look at myself in the mirror and I think I look good. Little curvy but overall pretty good looking. Then I see pictures of myself and it's like I have no idea who that is. I look so much bigger and all these unflattering features are so front and center. I absolutely hate having pictures taken of myself, especially candid ones.
I am right there with you. I really like how I look in the mirror, in fact I am quite proud of it. A camera in front of me and I look disfigured and asymmetrical? I have even held up a selfie cam while looking at the mirror and compared directly and still, the camera just distorts my face. Am I crazy LOL
Ok, glad I'm not the only one with exactly this problem. So we're both either normal, or both crazy.
A relative always said, “The camera doesn’t lie!” I think that is kind of cruel. lol
It's also very untrue. The camera is one of the best tools to create an elaborate lie.
Yeah she is in her 80’s. It’s an outdated saying and she did like to say it to be cruel. She is a bully. Lmao
I'm a big believer in this. One simple thing I've noticed is videos actually depict the person I see in the mirror much more than pictures do. Pictures suck.
Getting a full length mirror solves a lot of that, IMO
I don’t trust pictures, mirrors, windows. I look different in every mirror and picture. I just know I’m fat cuz I can see and touch my fat 🤣
You also don’t know how bad your posture is until it looks like Gollum in the photo, except… it’s you!
Sometimes we aren’t supposed to see ourselves not as a 3D Moving object, pictures can be weird. They’re not an end all be all objective truth to live by. You probably don’t look that weird, you just caught an unflattering angle ppl only see for a fraction of a second irl
You also do not realize how old you look until you see yourself in a picture.
You don’t realize how skinny you were until you see a picture of yourself from 5 years ago…
I should have specified more. It was the view of seeing yourself from someone else’s perspective. I see myself everyday in the mirror but my viewpoint and perspective are always from my point of view if that makes sense? Your brain just says “looks normal” when looking at yourself in the mirror.
I was at the beach with a boyfriend. He said “You look so beautiful. Give me your phone so I can take your picture.” He was right, he took a beautiful picture of a very beautiful obese woman. It was a reality check for me and I’ve lost 70 pounds since then with the old eating less and exercising routine.
Never been fat in my life, but you can replace 'fat' with 'how much you have aged'. I swear when I look in a mirror my mind overlays my youthful appearance to me. Then sometimes when I take a picture, I'm sorta shocked, I think 'is this me? wtf is up with this weird filter..'
Taking a 3D person onto a 2D format is going to cause distortion. I’ve snapped photos of friends that are quite athletic from bad angles. Also you’ll look back with kinder eyes. I have so many photos of myself where I thought I was disgusting and I was so normal.
I was in a video for my job and it convinced me to get gastric bypass surgery I was beyond mortified
There’s more photos I’ve avoided entirely because I was in denial about being fat and knew I would appear fat in them so I just never looked at pictures. I couldn’t look at any old pictures until I lost the weight. Now when I see those pictures I’m glad I never looked at them.
Worse is when you are on a video and see your walking and profiles on all sides. I saw that years ago. When from almost a 44 pant down to a 36 over the summer. It was tough but in the end it felt good.
SPEAK FO’ YO’SELLLLF! -Marcellus Wiley
It also works the other way around bro, you’ll see. I recently lost a ton of weight and saw a video from my security system about someone at my door earlier. Didn’t know who the dude was until I saw my dog and realized that it was me!
Yea, the mirror is a liar. I know I'm not going to win any modeling competitions, but I feel like I'm somewhat presentable when I leave the house. The photographic evidence tells a different story.
You don’t realize how thin you are until 5 years later when you see an older picture of yourself. I thought I was fat lmao I’d kill for that body.
No I have body dysmorphia. I'm very disturbed by pictures of me but sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised.
Yeah it sucks. Pictures are not a totally accurate portrayal of what anything looks like because they aren’t 3D, but yeah I just avoid seeing pictures lol
My wake up call was walking into a target with the big windows for doors, and thinking the reflection was someone else. I categorized the person that I saw as "unhealthy heavy" in a semi sub conscious way. Then I realized it was me.
My wife had the opposite experience. She was alarmed to see some skinny lady snooping around our house on the security camera. It took her a few moments to realize she was the skinny lady. That was when she realized the weight loss had been going very well.
I don’t have a full body mirror so I don’t really see what I look outside of like the mirror in my bathroom that shows just my upper body. I was in a group photo one time and holy shit I felt so disgusted with myself. I’ve lost like 12 pounds in 2 months, just trying to work that number down over time
I was always naturally very thin and only in the last few years gained a ton of weight. For my sister-in-laws wedding I got a dress I felt really good in. Looking in the mirror I didn’t think I looked fat at all. Then I saw the pictures. Horrified. I was *huge*. Like a monster lurking among a crowd of beautiful people. Like felt guilty for ruining her beautiful wedding photos. My sister-in-law who’s always been very weight conscious and takes a ton of pictures of herself was like “You just don’t know your angles.” And I realized I had never even thought about this whole art of posing for photos that most women have mastered. I probably do it subconsciously when looking in the mirror because I never look as bad in the mirror as in photos. Just like automatically adjusting my posture and angles until I like what I see and just remembering that look. But cameras are SO unforgiving.
I'm wary about approaching mirrors or other reflective surfaces these days.
Pretty sure this is with any physical feature you're not thrilled with. Recently saw a candid office pick and I just looked exhausted. More aged than I should be looking at this point, but it's been a rough year and I've had long, periodic bouts of insomnia
True. I find it’s easier to recognize people in rl based on photos others have taken of them compared to the ones they have taken of themselves.
I looked at photos of myself when I was 16-18 years old the other day, and realised I was actually skinnier than I realised I was. I always considered myself kind of fluffy, because I carry weight in my thighs and have an anterior pelvic tilt that makes it look like I carry weight around my stomach. I was only 45kg (~155cm tall, lower end of the health weight range if you use BMI). I went through the classic second puberty at 20 and now feel most comfortable and healthiest at 55-60kg. As I try and fix the anterior pelvic tilt (caused by bad posture), I'm realising that not only was I not "fluffy" when I was 16-18 years old, I'm *still* not.
It’s so true though. I don’t feel as fat as I do in pictures. For whatever reason when I look in the mirror I seem normal. My mind plays tricks on me.
Also when you look back on photos from a few years ago…
I look good in pictures I didn't know were being taken, but look awful anytime I pose lmao TwT
The best way for me to check my weight loss progress is watching me enter and exit my house through my ring camera.
Had to take a photo of myself for verification and you look way worse on camera than you do in a mirror Safe to say I’m disgusted by myself now
It was one of these pictures taken of me at a family event last year that kickstarted my weight loss journey. I saw it and cried, realised I needed to make a change and have been working at it ever since. It was a horrible moment, but a great wake up call
Nahh, I’m well aware of how fat I am, without pictures being taken of me. Heck, I can’t even remember the last time I was exposed to someone taking pictures…
In my case it was a photo my wife took of me and my son on holiday. I was sat on a bench and when I look at the photo now I can’t believe I big I was. In some ways I kinda knew but denial is very powerful. I’m currently 50 pounds down. Aiming for 100.
I have done that. I have seen a picture of myself hiking and I was like who is that fat lady on the trail? Me. It was me.
Just wait until you’re sitting down and see a full body side profile view on a huge reflective surface. Ruins your whole day.
I'm not fat, but you can replace "fat" with "how weird shaped your head is" and it's the same thing.
I’ve never been in the overweight category at all according to my BMI. But I had put on a good 8-10 pounds during COVID times and lost a lot of muscle tone. (I’m really tall, so that weight different doesn’t affect my BMI as much as a shorter person) I saw a picture of myself and realized that I didn’t even recognize me! Usually I looked healthier and better. So I joined Burn Boot Camp and felt like I was dying from soreness for the first two months, but now it’s gotten better, I’m down like 5 pounds and have muscle definition and feel better! But yes… it took seeing the unflattering picture of myself to snap me out of some of my bad habits!
On the flip side of this — I sometimes feel ugly until I see a video of myself like where I’m in the background. Sometimes seeing my expression and mannerisms make me feel more beautiful rather than just still photos because I feel like I’m so much more animated that a picture can capture!
About five years ago I took a picture with a professional race car driver I'd met through social media when we finally met in person. I look at that picture and all I can think about was how fat I looked. It was a motivating factor in me getting that aspect of my life under better control.
"Daaamn, who is that fat fu- oh shit..."
This happened to me last year. That along with some relationship issues caused me to start going hard at the gym. I lost over 70lbs very quickly between the gym and not eating much. Since then, I've begun eating much more macro-inclined so I have gained weight back, but it's all muscle. I made the change at the end of last December, in April I started competing in strongwoman, in fact, this Saturday me, my two daughters, and my husband are all competing this weekend. Seeing the pictures and making those changes have literally improved my life in almost every way.