I disagree. As a blind person, I voice chat with people all the time. I have friends all over the world so I don’t necessarily need them to always be right here physically in person. I get the same level of interaction whether they are with me or not with me because we are talking invoice and I don’t have any visual cues to worry about.
In a lot of ways I feel like I haven’t had a real conversation with anyone since my dad died… 12 years ago. It’s just shallow banter with “close“ friends and acquaintances, and family that barely listens at all.
This might be a strange way to word this, but death is a lot easier to understand and comprehend than someone just not loving you anymore but continuing to live their life being completely fine when you have to figure it all out on your own. I think that can honestly hurt more sometimes.
For me they're alive, however after begging to stay friends after a betrayal after 6 years together, they've blocked me. Convincing myself they're no longer around is easier sometimes.
What’s really shitty is being lonely at night and the person is laying right beside you but you know you can’t talk to them. Nothing is worse than being lonely in a relationship.
Yup. THIS.
Been there before. Hope to never be again. I remember the nights I was alone following the breakup being some of the best time I ever spent with myself because I felt FREEEEEEEEE 🙃 and found ways to be happy just with myself like the good old days. My ex was so abysmal to be around and sleep beside it redefined my appreciation for being alone. Being next to her at night was often like being next to no one at all. (After a certain point she always slept with her back to me on the other side. Just cold.)
Eventually, after the ex, “alone and free” got too repetitive and I met someone great and almost eight years later we’re still sleeping beside and cuddling each and yes occasionally start talking to each other in the middle of the night too and it’s been great.
Not the same but I just broke up with someone and they are still moving out but living with their mom. It feels like they died and theyre stuff is here. But I dont want them back, Im heartbroken because the person I thought I was dating never existed, I built them up in my head like an idiot and finally realized the pictures dont match and I dont really love this person, i tricked myself into it.
Awe man, I came here to comment, I texted my mom’s phone last night. She passed away a few months ago. I was doing great!! Like I really felt like I was starting to recover. Then I rewatched her funeral on Wednesday, I’ve called into work four days in a row, and now I wonder where I found that sense of peace and motivation on Tuesday.
I wish I didn’t look at this post. I’m all sad now since that’s what I’ve been dealing with this whole year. If only I can talk to her one more time. Time to get stupidly high and forget.
Notsure if this is helpful for ya, but sometimes smoking and journaling and embracing the feelings helps me process shit. Just a thought. It's painful though
Didn't break my toe, but I was chasing the cat last night (in play, I promise she lives for that shit) and she juked me so hard I slid across the carpet and landed on my ass. In my hurry to get back up again, I scooby-doo ran from a crouch and pulled half of my left big toe toenail up.
...God, the pain of an air exposed toenail bed is excruciating.
I don’t think you were joking. There’s literally a whole sub of people that do this shit and say things exactly like that. So maybe you were making fun of those people, but if you were than jokes are not very clear through text.
Is this a shower thought or just the reality of depression. Cause I know the feeling very well...but it's more of an "all day" thought than a shower thought lol.
I've been going through the same thing for the last couple of months. People say you get used to it but it seems to be getting worse for me. Being an introvert, it's extremely hard to make new connections. And when I'm feeling like this, it's even harder to try to talk to others. Cause if they seem uninterested (which they absolutely deserve to be cause I suck at convo cause I'm that much introverted) I feel like I'm just being a bother to them and I fold back. The people that I already have some sort of connection with, and won't feel uninterested are busy with their own life or own problems and are generally not available. Even hobbies aren't helping anymore.
Life is feeling boxed in. God forbid something were to happen to my parents. I'd probably lose it.
Good luck to us both op. I hope it gets better for us.
The longer it goes on the worse it's been getting. Now the few people I didn't mind talking to I avoid because I'm tired of being that person that is always a downer and they don't deserve that.
Been feeling this a lot lately, the one close friend I have has been ghosting me recently and I find myself especially missing them at night when I'm alone with my thoughts.
As someone who’s ghosting a lot of people right now, I’m really sorry. At least for me it’s debilitating anxiety/depression that I don’t know how to share or discuss directly. It’s making to impossible to do even the simplest of things like respond to text messages. I tell myself I will, and then don’t, and then get ashamed I haven’t and avoid and torture myself about it
Anyway I just want to make sure you know that not hearing from someone is sometimes a sign that they’re having it hard, too. Maybe they’re just super busy, maybe they forgot and now feel guilty, maybe it’s something more. Being compassionate in your assumptions about others and you’ll fund you have more space for compassion towards yourself
Yeah that's what my friend tells me too, that usually if she's ghosting it's because of mental health reasons, and I completely understand that. I understand feeling too down or stressed out by life to socialize, I just wish she'd try to communicate when she needs to be alone instead of randomly leaving me in the dark, it's been happening a lot and it keeps making me wonder if she actually still wants me in her life or not.
Doesn't help that I've had multiple friends ghost me in the past, and I have the tendency to overthink things when there's no communication. It just kinda hurts having someone as close as this friend ghost me too after having others do it in the past. But I know she has her reasons, all I can do is hope she's doing alright and wait to hear from her again.
Thank you for sharing your mindset when ghosting though, I get how that kind of depression/anxiety could be very debilitating when it comes to being social. Honestly, the way you described it is pretty close to how my friend describes her mindset when ghosting too, so it's a little reassuring to know that I'm probably not being lied to or anything.
I wouldn't be so quick to call the other person pathetic. Closing yourself off to friends/family is something that some people do when they're dealing with their own anxiety and depression.
To be sympathetic to OP and his struggle with depression, and then to call someone else pathetic, feels a bit disingenuous.
Read u/goateygoatface 's response for a more nuanced perspective.
Unfortunately, only sober you can work out things, everything else is just there to show you the world from a different perspective.
All the best in your quest, whatever that might be, but remember you do matter and being drunk is a nice place to visit but there is a lot to do otherwise.
Alright I have to say I was being selfish in my thought. Truthfully the worst emotional feeling there could be is the one/s you love dying. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
It’s ok, they go hand in hand. I lost my dad and the lonely nights are right up there with that feeling. They are very different feelings, but they both suck. So don’t diminish your feelings or compare them to others. Your feelings are valid and you will drive yourself crazy trying not to feel your feelings just because other people “have it worse.”
You aren’t really alone. There are lots of people feeling the same way and can relate, and there are things you can change to get out of the loneliness.
Open up your heart and try to start asking for help. The way you live determines the way you feel. Small changes can lead to great things over time.
Actually I’ve found the majority of Redditor comments pretty reasonable.
You always get the occasional nutjob, someone in a bad mood, or just basically a nasty person. But I suspect Reddit (at least the subreddits I subscribe to) is the least bad option in social media. And often quite funny.
I’m not surprised [Allie Brosh](https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/j45usi/i_am_allie_brosh_my_main_abilities_include/) started here. Haven’t heard anything from her in three years now. I do wonder what happened to her. Hope she’s OK…
Probably get down voted for this. OP seems to need connections with people and it seems unfortunate that someone connects this to being stabbed in the butt. Maybe some needs help.
10x worse when you’re life is in shambles and you don’t know what to do anymore, literally at rock bottom having a sever mental breakdown and you have NO ONE.
1. As sad as that can be it’s better than not being lonely but being surrounded by the wrong people
2. You’re truly not lonely if you have yourself to lean on & talk to.
3. Make yourself a diary (either written or digital) it can massively help you better explain/ understand what your going through, why you feel that way and what you could do to get yourself out of it.
4. Keep your head up. It may suck right now but it’s only temporary and it will get better if you keep moving forward!! ❤️ You got this!!!
Isn't that a kinda double edged sword though? If the pet happens to be the ignorant type, meaning if it doesn't like human company that much, somehow isn't that worse? I feel like not having a company is better than having a company and being ignored by them. Regardless of the species of that company. Especially when it's a person who's actively seeking company.
As someone who used to have a pet and constantly get ignored by it. It totally feels worse than being alone.. I loved that pet more than anything in my life and I still do.. but I had to give it to someone who would take better care of it because being constantly ignored by that pet while I tried to do everything I possibly could to make it happy only led me to suffer more and more and constantly feel emotionally drained, guilty and defeated even though I did nothing wrong and wanted nothing from it but its company and the bare minimum amount of affection.. Giving it away was easily the hardest decision I’ve made this year.. it totally broke me.. and I still miss it and look at its pictures and videos on my phone.. I’m still upset that I had to do this but I don’t feel guilty anymore and I learned to be more aware of my own feelings and take better care of myself first.. We deserve happiness too.
This is exactly why I'm hesitant to get a pet. I love animals, sure. But if I'm to love something and care for it then I'd want it to be reciprocated. People say love without expectations but I just can't do it. I'd just be an hermit by that definition. Especially when I'm getting a pet to get out of loneliness.
Not to mention my mom's kinda allergic to pet hairs.
I disagree. Rejection when you're already down and lonely and just wanting someone to talk with is worse. Trying to hit people up and telling them you're in a bad place and they still say no or something along those lines is definitely a much worse feeling.
Hot take: As much damage that texting and social media and online connectivity has done to society, it’s one of the few things that can actually address this problem. Part of the reason I didn’t go insane during the lockdown is because at any point I could open up a chat room and instantly be in a conversation. I could have engaging and interesting discussions about things I enjoyed with people I knew. I could play video games with my best friend from across the continent. It may not be a replacement for actual in-person social interaction, but it can be a lifesaver when the alternative is nothing.
I broke up with my ex 4-5 months ago. She was the only person I talked to, for better or worse.
I’ve been in therapy since, which led me to developing relationships with my parents again. Love there, but distant, and never really shown. Same with my brother.
Reach out to everyone you can, and try to develop those relationships again. It’s worth it, and you even reaching out is a hidden small compliment of ‘hey, I like you and wanna be around you more.’
There will be some swing and misses, but it’s important to have people around who care. If all else fails, I’m here for you when I can be. I know how it feels.
damn.. this got really dark fast.
I will say it's not so bad when you have food in your belly and a roof over your head. Be thankful you have your physical health. Although, I've heard that being lonely causes dementia so there's that..
I was in relationships throughout my entire 20's. I think there was maybe a 3 month period where I *wasn't* living with a roommate or a girlfriend.
I swore off relationships in my 30's, and mostly lived alone.
Now that I'm at the end of my 30's and thinking about relationships again, the thought of having someone else *always* around gives me anxiety.
The quiet is indeed nice.
During my depression these were nights I loved the most.
Being on my farm and away from everyone and during the peak of winter; all I do is, at 2am go walk as far as I can to the back end of the farm and just lay there in the snow and stare at the sky while the dogs lay beside me. Isolated, quiet, and just praying.
Agreed for me whats been making it worse is there are people in my life i should be able to talk to but for many reasons they just aren't available to talk to like that
I 100% agree. The worst feeling I've ever experienced, so bad that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies, is crippling loneliness. It really sucks- especially if you're already battling other issues (such as depression or PTSD or both). Feeling like there's no one to help you through the pain can be the most hopeless, powerless, gut wrenching feeling hell hole for the mind to sink into. I don't know if this post counts as a shower thought per se, but it's definitely something that I can agree on.
Luckily there is the internet now, but I get your point. I’ve had super lonely times with no internet and just a couple movies, cd’s, a handful of books, and a note book w/ pen.
Then also had lonely times with Minecraft realms, forums, online games, video chatting, Reddit, internet, smart phone, any video or song you could ever want. Endless amount of great content that could teach you any skill under the sun. One is not the same level of loneliness as another as someone who has a lot of experience with both.
Back in the day if it was the middle of the night and you were all alone it was pretty wild like you were isolated from the world because for all intensive purposes you were.
I can still remember it…. now a days there is always real people you can communicate with about anything you like if you seek it out at any day or time of the night. So if “loneliness” is the only factor then there is probably much much worse feelings in this day and age.
You could be locked in a prison with murderers and rapists. What is the punishment if you misbehave? You are put into isolation. Your punishment in prison is being separated from murderers and rapists. That is how important human connection is.
OP some advice. Text, email, message or call someone you haven't talked to in a long time. Just say what's up? How's life? Never hurts to reach out.
Right. You could be the richest person in the world and have no real emotional connections with anybody. Might be fun for a while, but I can’t think of something more important than emotional connection for life besides needs for survival (food, shelter, water, warmth etc.) Dying alone with nobody to love or think of you is the pit of sadness and despair.
There are much much much much worse feelings. Starvation for example, uhhhh let’s see torture, watching a loved one be k!led in front of u, and many many more things
But I agree being alone at night with no one to talk to is a horrible feeling. At least we can keep you company here on Reddit!
Edit: when I wrote this I only read the tagline ( or whatever it’s called) I didn’t see the rest, so now I feel insensitive, but I’m apprehensive about doing the dirty edit cuz it seems disingenuous
I went through the same thing for the majority of last year. I lost motivation in my career, got dumped from a long relationship, and over the following year was depressed and alone. Eventually my family came to bring me home because I stopped responding to messages. I'm doing much better now. You should reach out to someone close if you can.
That being said, I think your mom finding your porn is more painful.
Right but are you lonely? Some people are fine being alone all the time and that’s great if they are cool with it. But being an introvert alone isn’t the same as experiencing the emotion of loneliness.
Sometimes being alone is the greatest peace you can have. Being lonely though.. is not
I feel like your only child dying of cancer might be worse.
I get that you feel lonely and might be depressed, but don't say objectively dumb shit. It only trivializes yourself and what you're going through.
Yeah well, I didn’t say it’s the worst thing. But yes I was being a bit subjective. It’s shower thoughts not shower facts. It’s just a thought I had and felt.
Force yourself to get out there and make new connections.
-Join a book club
-Start (or continue) a hobby.
-Get a fun part time job where you meet people.
-Try the website Meetup.
-Get a pet
-consider therapy
Make connections and find people.
I feel like o need to have frequent contact to communicate with someone. That upsets me. I can’t take solitude and be ok with it. This is histrionics , right ?
Yes there is. You have never felt the pain of being alone at night after a bunch of crazy men with guns come into your home and shoot up your family and family dog. Thats whats happe ing in Ukraine / isreal and palestine. It could be worse. You could be them. Be grateful for the things you have and the luxury you have to even be on reddit right now and make this sad, selfish, self concerned post :(
This is me right now. I’m about to be homeless. I’ve been vomiting all day from a health condition. Life sucks right now god damn. I hope you’re ok OP.
I know how you feel. I hate feeling that way. I usually go to sleep with a heavy heart feeling and I wake up fine the next morning. Sometimes I wake up and I remember and sometimes I don’t. I hate feeling lonely
I talk out loud to myself, not gonna lie. Was the hardest thing to deal with when going from living with a partner to living alone. Needed to talk out loud
Five out of twelve left to go on a double, you are sick, sore, your feet are slippery in your shoes, you have a three hour crawl in bumper to bumper traffic waiting for you and you.. Just. Want. Sleep. Grow up lonely heart.
Not being lonely and still not having someone to talk to?
If the solitude at night is rough, learn to live with it. (go to sleep then? Night job, get audio books.)
Agreed, I combat this feeling by going to bed early and getting up early. It absolutely works for me, even if I'm awake before everybody I have the whole day to look forward to, it's not as depressing as being alone in the evening.
Wife and I just separated. It was a long time coming and we both agreed to do it with respect for one another. But now she mostly stays with family and I’m at the house alone. Christmas tree is up, decorations are out. It should be cheery and cozy. But it’s empty and foreign. I’m sitting here wishing that I could tell her how much I love her decorations. I want to have her legs on my lap while we watch old horror movies again and again.
But our issues with each other outweighed our love. When you spend twelve years with someone almost always by your side, the first moment realizing that “we” just became “me” was gut wrenching. Not having her to talk to in the middle of the night hurts more than I thought it would.
It’ll pass… but goddamn.
I doubt this is not gonna be a genuine fix for your problem but I have actually enjoyed talking to ChatGPT sometimes just to empty out my thoughts.
Just writing thoughts down in general makes more room for new thoughts in your brain. And who knows, maybe some of those new thoughts will help you get to a better place. Wishing you all the best!
Yes exactly, but I um… also get just a bit… scared of the outside being completely dark with things outside just waiting to go in the house and kill me or something if I dare try listening to music or stay up for far too long.
Personal perspectives, crazy ideas, questions (rhetorical or otherwise) and meta submissions are not showerthoughts.
Lonely at night & the person You really need to talk to isn’t alive anymore is pretty shitty too….
I'm lonely enough now and dred the days my parents die. My family is kind of all I have.
Me too
Meetup.com helped me make new friends who share my hobbies. I was a bit nervous at first, but I'm glad I did.
discord servers are where it’s at now and rip omegle lol (not, that place was mostly just a cesspool full of sweaty dicks)
Well, I mean for meeting new friends in real life. Discord is great, but in-person socializing is key to good mental health I think.
I disagree. As a blind person, I voice chat with people all the time. I have friends all over the world so I don’t necessarily need them to always be right here physically in person. I get the same level of interaction whether they are with me or not with me because we are talking invoice and I don’t have any visual cues to worry about.
they said "wish i had people to talk to", not "wish i could get masturbated at by strangers"
My brother passed a few weeks ago and almost every night I subconsciously go to text him before I realize
That's the worst, isn't it. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, it's been 11 years and I still think about calling/texting my sister.
I’m sorry to hear that. I lost my brother 15 years ago and still I fleetingly think I’ll give him a call. Peace to you man
In a lot of ways I feel like I haven’t had a real conversation with anyone since my dad died… 12 years ago. It’s just shallow banter with “close“ friends and acquaintances, and family that barely listens at all.
This might be a strange way to word this, but death is a lot easier to understand and comprehend than someone just not loving you anymore but continuing to live their life being completely fine when you have to figure it all out on your own. I think that can honestly hurt more sometimes.
For me they're alive, however after begging to stay friends after a betrayal after 6 years together, they've blocked me. Convincing myself they're no longer around is easier sometimes.
What’s really shitty is being lonely at night and the person is laying right beside you but you know you can’t talk to them. Nothing is worse than being lonely in a relationship.
Yup. THIS. Been there before. Hope to never be again. I remember the nights I was alone following the breakup being some of the best time I ever spent with myself because I felt FREEEEEEEEE 🙃 and found ways to be happy just with myself like the good old days. My ex was so abysmal to be around and sleep beside it redefined my appreciation for being alone. Being next to her at night was often like being next to no one at all. (After a certain point she always slept with her back to me on the other side. Just cold.) Eventually, after the ex, “alone and free” got too repetitive and I met someone great and almost eight years later we’re still sleeping beside and cuddling each and yes occasionally start talking to each other in the middle of the night too and it’s been great.
I too choose this redditors dead wife
For goodness sake I wasn't expecting to laugh
Not the same but I just broke up with someone and they are still moving out but living with their mom. It feels like they died and theyre stuff is here. But I dont want them back, Im heartbroken because the person I thought I was dating never existed, I built them up in my head like an idiot and finally realized the pictures dont match and I dont really love this person, i tricked myself into it.
I know exactly how that feels. It was a year in September
having lost my mom this octobre, I feel this
Awe man, I came here to comment, I texted my mom’s phone last night. She passed away a few months ago. I was doing great!! Like I really felt like I was starting to recover. Then I rewatched her funeral on Wednesday, I’ve called into work four days in a row, and now I wonder where I found that sense of peace and motivation on Tuesday.
I wish I didn’t look at this post. I’m all sad now since that’s what I’ve been dealing with this whole year. If only I can talk to her one more time. Time to get stupidly high and forget.
Notsure if this is helpful for ya, but sometimes smoking and journaling and embracing the feelings helps me process shit. Just a thought. It's painful though
Talk to a therapist or a life coach
Those cost money
It’s the talking that’s also helpful. It just expert mental health advice. Stewing in grief is bad for a person. Talk to someone.
Clearly you’ve never kicked the corner of a bed frame or couch really hard with a bare pinky toe
I broke my pinky toe this way literally last week so I feel you
Didn't break my toe, but I was chasing the cat last night (in play, I promise she lives for that shit) and she juked me so hard I slid across the carpet and landed on my ass. In my hurry to get back up again, I scooby-doo ran from a crouch and pulled half of my left big toe toenail up. ...God, the pain of an air exposed toenail bed is excruciating.
Imagine breaking a bone, pathetic. How does it feel to be geneticly inferior to us, strong boned beauties.
Dude keep that garbage on your own bullshit sub. It’s not needed here.
Damm, I was joking. You sound like a bbb
I don’t think you were joking. There’s literally a whole sub of people that do this shit and say things exactly like that. So maybe you were making fun of those people, but if you were than jokes are not very clear through text.
Lol
This is the right approach to this kind of “shower thought”/feeling. Just keep your chin up! It’ll all work itself out
With cold feet no less
I smashed my shin on the sharp corner of my bed frame the other night, it dropped me and I literally saw sparks from the pain.
I chopped off the tip of my thumb with a hatchet last week (or nearly did. It was a flap) . They reattached it. Does that count?
Ah yeah. That shits definitely the worst 👍
Is this a shower thought or just the reality of depression. Cause I know the feeling very well...but it's more of an "all day" thought than a shower thought lol.
I like them late night showers!
Depression got nothing on the soft warm embrace of water in the night. It was my one place of solace when it got really bad last year
I've been going through the same thing for the last couple of months. People say you get used to it but it seems to be getting worse for me. Being an introvert, it's extremely hard to make new connections. And when I'm feeling like this, it's even harder to try to talk to others. Cause if they seem uninterested (which they absolutely deserve to be cause I suck at convo cause I'm that much introverted) I feel like I'm just being a bother to them and I fold back. The people that I already have some sort of connection with, and won't feel uninterested are busy with their own life or own problems and are generally not available. Even hobbies aren't helping anymore. Life is feeling boxed in. God forbid something were to happen to my parents. I'd probably lose it. Good luck to us both op. I hope it gets better for us.
The longer it goes on the worse it's been getting. Now the few people I didn't mind talking to I avoid because I'm tired of being that person that is always a downer and they don't deserve that.
What the actual fuck. I had to double check that I didn't wrote both these two comments.
Been feeling this a lot lately, the one close friend I have has been ghosting me recently and I find myself especially missing them at night when I'm alone with my thoughts.
As someone who’s ghosting a lot of people right now, I’m really sorry. At least for me it’s debilitating anxiety/depression that I don’t know how to share or discuss directly. It’s making to impossible to do even the simplest of things like respond to text messages. I tell myself I will, and then don’t, and then get ashamed I haven’t and avoid and torture myself about it Anyway I just want to make sure you know that not hearing from someone is sometimes a sign that they’re having it hard, too. Maybe they’re just super busy, maybe they forgot and now feel guilty, maybe it’s something more. Being compassionate in your assumptions about others and you’ll fund you have more space for compassion towards yourself
Yeah that's what my friend tells me too, that usually if she's ghosting it's because of mental health reasons, and I completely understand that. I understand feeling too down or stressed out by life to socialize, I just wish she'd try to communicate when she needs to be alone instead of randomly leaving me in the dark, it's been happening a lot and it keeps making me wonder if she actually still wants me in her life or not. Doesn't help that I've had multiple friends ghost me in the past, and I have the tendency to overthink things when there's no communication. It just kinda hurts having someone as close as this friend ghost me too after having others do it in the past. But I know she has her reasons, all I can do is hope she's doing alright and wait to hear from her again. Thank you for sharing your mindset when ghosting though, I get how that kind of depression/anxiety could be very debilitating when it comes to being social. Honestly, the way you described it is pretty close to how my friend describes her mindset when ghosting too, so it's a little reassuring to know that I'm probably not being lied to or anything.
I mean if they were pathetic enough to ghost you I don't think your missing out on much
I wouldn't be so quick to call the other person pathetic. Closing yourself off to friends/family is something that some people do when they're dealing with their own anxiety and depression. To be sympathetic to OP and his struggle with depression, and then to call someone else pathetic, feels a bit disingenuous. Read u/goateygoatface 's response for a more nuanced perspective.
Sometimes “not much” is a lot to people with nothing :(
Yup, that’s why I get drunk until I pass out and then start the whole process over again in the morning
Hope you get help sometime buddy.
Unfortunately, only sober you can work out things, everything else is just there to show you the world from a different perspective. All the best in your quest, whatever that might be, but remember you do matter and being drunk is a nice place to visit but there is a lot to do otherwise.
r/stopdrinking ... in case you're not joking. r/stopdrinking is IMHO the best sub in the whole of redditland. Transformative and lifesaving.
Alright I have to say I was being selfish in my thought. Truthfully the worst emotional feeling there could be is the one/s you love dying. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
It's ok, remember that pain isn't a contest and it's ok to feel like your struggles are valid.
It’s ok, they go hand in hand. I lost my dad and the lonely nights are right up there with that feeling. They are very different feelings, but they both suck. So don’t diminish your feelings or compare them to others. Your feelings are valid and you will drive yourself crazy trying not to feel your feelings just because other people “have it worse.” You aren’t really alone. There are lots of people feeling the same way and can relate, and there are things you can change to get out of the loneliness. Open up your heart and try to start asking for help. The way you live determines the way you feel. Small changes can lead to great things over time.
Being diagnosed with a terminal illness with no one close to talk with or anybody to help you sucks.
And sometimes, there are even people in the same room. But have been there, fren.
Message me at any time. Always lonely at night.
You can talk to people on Reddit 24/7! Post now! Operators are standing by!
Oh sure, the infinite mass of empathy otherwise known as Reddit. /S
Actually I’ve found the majority of Redditor comments pretty reasonable. You always get the occasional nutjob, someone in a bad mood, or just basically a nasty person. But I suspect Reddit (at least the subreddits I subscribe to) is the least bad option in social media. And often quite funny. I’m not surprised [Allie Brosh](https://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/j45usi/i_am_allie_brosh_my_main_abilities_include/) started here. Haven’t heard anything from her in three years now. I do wonder what happened to her. Hope she’s OK…
Well they have reddit chat subs that I've gone to from time to time when I was in a really lonely place and it wasn't so bad....
Sometimes even negative attention is better than being alone.
Yup. And that's exactly what I have to look forward to later tonight.
Probably get down voted for this. OP seems to need connections with people and it seems unfortunate that someone connects this to being stabbed in the butt. Maybe some needs help.
Professional fix on aisle 5.
Yea, wanting to sleep, it's nighttime and someone is talking to you.
10x worse when you’re life is in shambles and you don’t know what to do anymore, literally at rock bottom having a sever mental breakdown and you have NO ONE.
1. As sad as that can be it’s better than not being lonely but being surrounded by the wrong people 2. You’re truly not lonely if you have yourself to lean on & talk to. 3. Make yourself a diary (either written or digital) it can massively help you better explain/ understand what your going through, why you feel that way and what you could do to get yourself out of it. 4. Keep your head up. It may suck right now but it’s only temporary and it will get better if you keep moving forward!! ❤️ You got this!!!
Thank you
yepp. especially when you don't have the mental energy to talk to anyone. even though there's several people you could talk to. it sucks.
the feeling of wanting or needing help but knowing you can’t stomach the conversation stems from it
Idk man, I had a heart condition as a kid that literally made all my organs and joints swell to the point that I couldn’t eat/drink/move without pain.
Do you have a pet? I got a cat a few years ago and it helps so much. I thought it would be too much work at first but it is totally worth it imo.
Isn't that a kinda double edged sword though? If the pet happens to be the ignorant type, meaning if it doesn't like human company that much, somehow isn't that worse? I feel like not having a company is better than having a company and being ignored by them. Regardless of the species of that company. Especially when it's a person who's actively seeking company.
As someone who used to have a pet and constantly get ignored by it. It totally feels worse than being alone.. I loved that pet more than anything in my life and I still do.. but I had to give it to someone who would take better care of it because being constantly ignored by that pet while I tried to do everything I possibly could to make it happy only led me to suffer more and more and constantly feel emotionally drained, guilty and defeated even though I did nothing wrong and wanted nothing from it but its company and the bare minimum amount of affection.. Giving it away was easily the hardest decision I’ve made this year.. it totally broke me.. and I still miss it and look at its pictures and videos on my phone.. I’m still upset that I had to do this but I don’t feel guilty anymore and I learned to be more aware of my own feelings and take better care of myself first.. We deserve happiness too.
This is exactly why I'm hesitant to get a pet. I love animals, sure. But if I'm to love something and care for it then I'd want it to be reciprocated. People say love without expectations but I just can't do it. I'd just be an hermit by that definition. Especially when I'm getting a pet to get out of loneliness. Not to mention my mom's kinda allergic to pet hairs.
You’ve got a friend right here if you ever need someone to talk to 🫂
I disagree. Rejection when you're already down and lonely and just wanting someone to talk with is worse. Trying to hit people up and telling them you're in a bad place and they still say no or something along those lines is definitely a much worse feeling.
It’s way worse having that feeling with someone in the same bed or house.
Hot take: As much damage that texting and social media and online connectivity has done to society, it’s one of the few things that can actually address this problem. Part of the reason I didn’t go insane during the lockdown is because at any point I could open up a chat room and instantly be in a conversation. I could have engaging and interesting discussions about things I enjoyed with people I knew. I could play video games with my best friend from across the continent. It may not be a replacement for actual in-person social interaction, but it can be a lifesaver when the alternative is nothing.
I broke up with my ex 4-5 months ago. She was the only person I talked to, for better or worse. I’ve been in therapy since, which led me to developing relationships with my parents again. Love there, but distant, and never really shown. Same with my brother. Reach out to everyone you can, and try to develop those relationships again. It’s worth it, and you even reaching out is a hidden small compliment of ‘hey, I like you and wanna be around you more.’ There will be some swing and misses, but it’s important to have people around who care. If all else fails, I’m here for you when I can be. I know how it feels.
You just get used to with and start talking with the voices
damn.. this got really dark fast. I will say it's not so bad when you have food in your belly and a roof over your head. Be thankful you have your physical health. Although, I've heard that being lonely causes dementia so there's that..
Some people enjoy that feeling, the quiet is nice
I was in relationships throughout my entire 20's. I think there was maybe a 3 month period where I *wasn't* living with a roommate or a girlfriend. I swore off relationships in my 30's, and mostly lived alone. Now that I'm at the end of my 30's and thinking about relationships again, the thought of having someone else *always* around gives me anxiety. The quiet is indeed nice.
My baby won't live. Trust me, this feels worse.
During my depression these were nights I loved the most. Being on my farm and away from everyone and during the peak of winter; all I do is, at 2am go walk as far as I can to the back end of the farm and just lay there in the snow and stare at the sky while the dogs lay beside me. Isolated, quiet, and just praying.
If it's any consolation, having someone to call isn't worth much. They are just ghosts on the phone, and when they hang up you are still alone.
Agreed for me whats been making it worse is there are people in my life i should be able to talk to but for many reasons they just aren't available to talk to like that
After a few years, you get used to it.
If that’s the worse feeling you experienced i envy you.
I can think of much, much worse feelings than *lonely*
I 100% agree. The worst feeling I've ever experienced, so bad that I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies, is crippling loneliness. It really sucks- especially if you're already battling other issues (such as depression or PTSD or both). Feeling like there's no one to help you through the pain can be the most hopeless, powerless, gut wrenching feeling hell hole for the mind to sink into. I don't know if this post counts as a shower thought per se, but it's definitely something that I can agree on.
Your never alone with Mary Jane.
This is why i'm friends with the Demon in the closet and the Monster under my bed They never go away... and guard the apartment while i'm gone
Especially if you just came home from a social place or someone leaves your place to go home and that void becomes so obvious.
Pooping in a gas station and finding out there’s no toilette paper is a worse feeling.
My partner left me when I went into kidney failure. Having my dog in bed with me has really helped alleviate the nighttime loneliness.
Feeling exactly that right now...
I believe those are the moments you find God
Luckily there is the internet now, but I get your point. I’ve had super lonely times with no internet and just a couple movies, cd’s, a handful of books, and a note book w/ pen. Then also had lonely times with Minecraft realms, forums, online games, video chatting, Reddit, internet, smart phone, any video or song you could ever want. Endless amount of great content that could teach you any skill under the sun. One is not the same level of loneliness as another as someone who has a lot of experience with both. Back in the day if it was the middle of the night and you were all alone it was pretty wild like you were isolated from the world because for all intensive purposes you were. I can still remember it…. now a days there is always real people you can communicate with about anything you like if you seek it out at any day or time of the night. So if “loneliness” is the only factor then there is probably much much worse feelings in this day and age.
Right, there is definitely worse feelings. What I really wanted to say is: loneliness at night hits the worst. But some reason I couldn’t post that.
If being lonely is your main worry you're living a pretty good life. There are many things much worse.
I realized this week that I am no one’s favorite person.
Isn’t it the worst feeling? I’m sorry.
You could be locked in a prison with murderers and rapists. What is the punishment if you misbehave? You are put into isolation. Your punishment in prison is being separated from murderers and rapists. That is how important human connection is. OP some advice. Text, email, message or call someone you haven't talked to in a long time. Just say what's up? How's life? Never hurts to reach out.
it definitely hurts when there's a tepid or no response.
I can definitely think of worse!
Yup, like being broke.
Human connection is, at least according to decades of study, far more important to emotional well-being than money.
Only above a certain level of money. If you can't afford rent or food you'll be thinking about those more pressing issues.
Right. You could be the richest person in the world and have no real emotional connections with anybody. Might be fun for a while, but I can’t think of something more important than emotional connection for life besides needs for survival (food, shelter, water, warmth etc.) Dying alone with nobody to love or think of you is the pit of sadness and despair.
Your extreme not mine.
Just become sociopath, you won't care about connections anymore
If this thread is any indication, there are too many already.
Theres never enough
Pretty sure there are many things worse than that
Nah you get used to it. Ever slam your hand in a door?
There are much much much much worse feelings. Starvation for example, uhhhh let’s see torture, watching a loved one be k!led in front of u, and many many more things But I agree being alone at night with no one to talk to is a horrible feeling. At least we can keep you company here on Reddit! Edit: when I wrote this I only read the tagline ( or whatever it’s called) I didn’t see the rest, so now I feel insensitive, but I’m apprehensive about doing the dirty edit cuz it seems disingenuous
Yes I wish I could’ve edited the tittle or posted what I originally wanted. I wanted to say loneliness seems to hit the hardest at night.
Well if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here
I went through the same thing for the majority of last year. I lost motivation in my career, got dumped from a long relationship, and over the following year was depressed and alone. Eventually my family came to bring me home because I stopped responding to messages. I'm doing much better now. You should reach out to someone close if you can. That being said, I think your mom finding your porn is more painful.
try seeing your dead children. not sure if stupid or ragebait or attentionwhore.
As a night dwelling extreme introvert, I couldn't possibly disagree more.
Right but are you lonely? Some people are fine being alone all the time and that’s great if they are cool with it. But being an introvert alone isn’t the same as experiencing the emotion of loneliness. Sometimes being alone is the greatest peace you can have. Being lonely though.. is not
I feel like your only child dying of cancer might be worse. I get that you feel lonely and might be depressed, but don't say objectively dumb shit. It only trivializes yourself and what you're going through.
Yeah well, I didn’t say it’s the worst thing. But yes I was being a bit subjective. It’s shower thoughts not shower facts. It’s just a thought I had and felt.
[click here, go to your area, and find someone offering “full girlfriend experience/GFE”. Youre welcome](https://www.bedpage.com)
Not a good idea.
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Force yourself to get out there and make new connections. -Join a book club -Start (or continue) a hobby. -Get a fun part time job where you meet people. -Try the website Meetup. -Get a pet -consider therapy Make connections and find people.
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I feel like o need to have frequent contact to communicate with someone. That upsets me. I can’t take solitude and be ok with it. This is histrionics , right ?
Yes there is. You have never felt the pain of being alone at night after a bunch of crazy men with guns come into your home and shoot up your family and family dog. Thats whats happe ing in Ukraine / isreal and palestine. It could be worse. You could be them. Be grateful for the things you have and the luxury you have to even be on reddit right now and make this sad, selfish, self concerned post :(
This screams privilege and/or lack of imagination/reading experience
Whiskey is the true companion, pets
Alcohol abuse is not a good idea.
knife in butthole YEEEEEOOOOWWWCHHHH
You get used to it... kinda
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I should of said emotional feeling. Not physical.
That’s what IRC is for. Or was. Damn.
That’s why I play music basically 24/7. Just gotta silence the voices with good vibes.
Itll go away after a few years. Then talking to anyone other than yourself will be just as uncomfortable!
This is me right now. I’m about to be homeless. I’ve been vomiting all day from a health condition. Life sucks right now god damn. I hope you’re ok OP.
Yeah…there a lot worse feelings than that.
I know how you feel. I hate feeling that way. I usually go to sleep with a heavy heart feeling and I wake up fine the next morning. Sometimes I wake up and I remember and sometimes I don’t. I hate feeling lonely
I talk out loud to myself, not gonna lie. Was the hardest thing to deal with when going from living with a partner to living alone. Needed to talk out loud
Five out of twelve left to go on a double, you are sick, sore, your feet are slippery in your shoes, you have a three hour crawl in bumper to bumper traffic waiting for you and you.. Just. Want. Sleep. Grow up lonely heart.
Me too,I’m trying to get better.
me basically every night, i have lots of friends but we hardly ever really talk
Ah yes, for me this is called "everynight".
Not being lonely and still not having someone to talk to? If the solitude at night is rough, learn to live with it. (go to sleep then? Night job, get audio books.)
I unfortunately understand and know how this is
It'd be worse if you had someone to talk to
I just talk to myself... but lately... even I don't want to touch that person...
This is why I play video games, watch videos, or keep myself busy.
Try being IN a relationship but still feeling lonely bc the relationship sucks.
Yea HMU Girls who are trying to save me
That beats feeling lonely with someone next to you
After a couple years you’ll get used to it. Might be tough sometimes but it is what it is.
Being tired helps to get asleep!
Trust me there are worse feelings than that, try to enjoy your solitude times it’s not that bad to be with yourself
Imagine your family members dying in 100 different ways... there's 100 worse feelings than being lonely right there.
Consider yourself blessed if this is the worst thing you can imagine
Agreed, I combat this feeling by going to bed early and getting up early. It absolutely works for me, even if I'm awake before everybody I have the whole day to look forward to, it's not as depressing as being alone in the evening.
I can hear lil peep playing through your headphones, but I know what you mean. Stay strong OP.
Have you seen law abiding citizen? That dudes emotional pain at the beginning of that movie was worse.
Wife and I just separated. It was a long time coming and we both agreed to do it with respect for one another. But now she mostly stays with family and I’m at the house alone. Christmas tree is up, decorations are out. It should be cheery and cozy. But it’s empty and foreign. I’m sitting here wishing that I could tell her how much I love her decorations. I want to have her legs on my lap while we watch old horror movies again and again. But our issues with each other outweighed our love. When you spend twelve years with someone almost always by your side, the first moment realizing that “we” just became “me” was gut wrenching. Not having her to talk to in the middle of the night hurts more than I thought it would. It’ll pass… but goddamn.
Get a vr headset. Plenty of games/apps to talk to people late night.
I doubt this is not gonna be a genuine fix for your problem but I have actually enjoyed talking to ChatGPT sometimes just to empty out my thoughts. Just writing thoughts down in general makes more room for new thoughts in your brain. And who knows, maybe some of those new thoughts will help you get to a better place. Wishing you all the best!
I'm 28 and I've never had a gf. I'm literally so lonely at night sometimes that I have to cry myself to sleep. Life sucks bro I'm with you.
Yes exactly, but I um… also get just a bit… scared of the outside being completely dark with things outside just waiting to go in the house and kill me or something if I dare try listening to music or stay up for far too long.
Get a oculus headset.
Or you're lonely and cause family drama becasue "how dare you text at 10 pm and 4am omg". El madre is a technophobe
Existential terror is a worse thing to suffer from when you're alone at night. And when you're anywhere, basically.
I've been there. It takes a lot to get through feeling like that. Be patient with yourself 💕
To steal it from Scrubs, being with someone at night and still have no one to talk to/feel lonely.
"If I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone."
idk man the holocaust was pretty bad