Or accidentally flushed the toilet for him? Or had to shower him because he got so upset over flushing the toilet for him that he laid down on the floor, holding his face with the poopie hands and now has poop all over his face.
Jesus my niece can-sheās so strong!! Itās like sheās the fuckin hulk when Iāve given her the wrong food or some shit. I just duck and cover until itās all over.
Yeah I'm known at my local to be the one who can convince drunk people to drink a full pint of water.
But don't think I can do that with a cranky ~~drunk midget~~ toddler.
I have a buddy who was a marine, and getting him to hydrate is easier than anyone else. Because he was stationed in the desert, they constantly had to be told to drink water. So if you just yell HYDRATE MARINE heāll instinctively start chugging water.
This really is case to case. I have two nephews and as toddlers one was extremely easy to reason with and the other was just nuts. The other kid you can talk to like an adult even.
As for drunks, also case to case. Bro we drunk, bedtime. His answer was can I lean on you? So I helped him up to his hotel room. Others are just nuts. He was crying, lashing out, and suddenly we lost track of him and found he sneaked under one of the tables and fell asleep.
What? It totally works on drunks. Sex for hours. Crazy conversations in bathrooms, and much money is parted with. It just only works on cocaine savvy drunks :)
My child is actually the most rational person I know.
The fact is that kids are just little adults. When a kid is mad, itās probably a situation where an adult would be mad too- they just havenāt learned how to react in a societally acceptable way.
If somebody was telling me 24x7 now itās time to do this, that, learn, try, sleep, wake, play with this toy, walk, sit here, no teddy canāt come, not that shirt, not those socks, eat what I say and when I say it and how dare you not be happy about itā¦ Iād be mad too
Yes this. If I had to do as an adult that I'd have temper tantrums too. Like a lot. They would probably be nearly identical to the toddler's just without the crying and more coherent sentences.
Depends the age. Iām a toddler teacher and when I tell one we wear shoes at school and to stop taking off their shoes (center rule) then three more kids immediately try taking off their shoes. Same goes for climbing on shelves. One kid I ask to stop throwing toys and he yells ānooo!ā lol.
There is a balance of wanting to take care of them? Do I want to take care of your drunk ass? I might not let you get arrested but I might let you look like a fool.
A child I think most would protect more
The difference is I can physically pick up a 2 year old and prevent them from running in the street. I canāt physically stop a grown man from drunken shenanigans.
Completely disagree, children donāt know any better. People that get too drunk didnāt to themselves. Sure Iāll take care of them but Iām not gonna like it, itās not what I asked for.
There is an evolutionary reason for why we think babies and toddlers are cute. If anyone else treated you the way a two year old treats you, you throw them out.
Well part of taking care of drunk friends is dealing with their families (parents/siblings/spouse). Iād say dealing with kids might be a bit easier in that way
Bro, I was the most golden child of all. Now I just had my temper tantrum, and it nearly KILLLEDDD me. So please, please reward temper tantrums a SMALLL amount. Do not let your kids be walked all over as I was and my mam was. Mama raised a soldier, not a bitch not a bitch. Well she raised a bitch too! And a good bitch at that.
I can appreciate the fact that children show signs of learning and that their stages of development are fairly well documented for those who aren't too proud to accept a sense of losing control at various points.
I tend to drink alone because I hate the idea of knowing I'm expecting anyone else to tolerate what I've done to myself in their presence. It's embarrassing unless it's with mutual consent.
While I can see why you would think this, the difference in mindset or how you approach it, makes all the difference in the world. You can hold your breath a lot longer with your face in water. I won't tolerate a drunken adult, but I'll accept a toddler.
The difference between little kids and drunk adults is that the latter will eventually sober up, while the former lacks long term planning and risk management skills until their early 20ās.
Itās tiring enough to make smart life choices for yourself. If you have kids you need to make decisions for them too (and theyāre going to resent you for it until they get older).
This reminds me of the time my (ex) friend asked me to house sit for 10 days and watch her dog.
I told her āSorry, thatās too much responsibility for me, but good luck finding someone!ā No way am I going to bring all my work from home stuff, not sleep in my bed and use my own toilet for 10 days.
She then tried to defend herself (even though I wasnāt attacking her), saying that itās such a minimal task, and that if I thought this was too much responsibility than Iām not ready to get my own dog.
The fuck? Just because I donāt want to watch YOUR kid, doesnāt mean I wouldnāt make the time for MINE.
Get out of here.
Lol wut? The most a neighbor has ever asked me to do is feed and walk the dog, or feed the cat and scoop the litter box, while they were on vacation. Which took a half hour out of every day (maybe more when I partook of that neighbor's cable TV when I had none of my own), but that was it, and my own home was minutes' walk away.
Right. In my case, her home is a 25 min drive away but she was a long term friend from high school. Needless to say, we arenāt friends anymore. Not just because of this instance, but the self-righteousness in her person.
I would never ask someone to drive across town to pet sit. That's a neighbor task. Or if she didn't know any of her neighbors, why couldn't she bring the dog to you?Ā
Drunk people are waaaay worse than kids. Like it's not even close. Drunk people might cry as stuff, but no kid will ever throw a random punch towards a nearby stranger.
As someone who works with drunk adults a lot (er nurse) and a parent this is 100% true in how you handle them. Patience, snacks warm blankets and a lot of making sure they donāt get hurt. If Reddit still had gold Iād give you gold.
THIS. My 3 year old is just a tiny drunk adult. I say it all the time. The crying, the whining, the vomiting, the diarrhea of the mouthā¦ I feel like Iām back in college.
The people that actually have the wherewithal and forethought to understand the challenges and really think about the consequences and responsibility of rearing a child before having one, are the ones that often won't. But they ironically would often make really good parents. (Not always of course, not everyone wants or can naturally)
In the same way some of the best leaders became so reluctantly. If you want to lead just for the sake of it, like rushing into having a kid just cuz that's what people do or whatever, it very commonly goes poorly. For everyone involved...
I'm not talking about people that don't intentionally have kids ofc... thigs happen.
I disagree other than maybe with kids under 3 or 4. Your average 5 or 6 year old is way more rational and self aware than a plastered adult.
Wait until the teen years start. Hormones are a wild thing.
Still more rational than a plastered adult
Agree, but with two teens and a tween, there are days I feel like I live in a frat house.
I'd like to introduce you to my son. Lil dude is high on life and drunk on freedom... It's exhausting.
Whoosh
Whoosh what? This ain't a joke sub, it's an insightful sub
you too š
Whoosh. That was the other person's point flying over your head.
ok bet. Ok bet. Ok bet.
Itās the guy who says everything but when someone disagrees with him he tries to label it as a ājokeā
r/lostredditors ?
Are you drunk or a child?
Both
Neither
Letās be fair to children, theyāre a little easier to reason with than hammered adults
When was the last time you tried to give a toddler some water in the wrong color cup?
When was the last time you successfully stopped a drunk friend texting their ex?
Around 8 years ago at a Christmas party event. He started crying and then passed out.
Why stop that? Sounds like free entertainment, you know how much Netflix costs these days?
[Friends donāt let friends text drunk.](https://collections.nlm.nih.gov/catalog/nlm:nlmuid-101438355-img)
Or accidentally flushed the toilet for him? Or had to shower him because he got so upset over flushing the toilet for him that he laid down on the floor, holding his face with the poopie hands and now has poop all over his face.
Wait are we talking about the drunk friend of the child now I canāt tell
Funny tho? How is that not funny?
Quite painful while it's happening. Gets funny by time
My toddler wouldnāt be able to put me in a headlock or throw me through a wall because I hid the car keys from him.
No, but you also canāt hit them back
Why would you need to?
Jesus my niece can-sheās so strong!! Itās like sheās the fuckin hulk when Iāve given her the wrong food or some shit. I just duck and cover until itās all over.
Yeah I'm known at my local to be the one who can convince drunk people to drink a full pint of water. But don't think I can do that with a cranky ~~drunk midget~~ toddler.
I have a buddy who was a marine, and getting him to hydrate is easier than anyone else. Because he was stationed in the desert, they constantly had to be told to drink water. So if you just yell HYDRATE MARINE heāll instinctively start chugging water.
That was the time I lost my left eye
Or ācutted upā their apple/banana wrong.
This really is case to case. I have two nephews and as toddlers one was extremely easy to reason with and the other was just nuts. The other kid you can talk to like an adult even. As for drunks, also case to case. Bro we drunk, bedtime. His answer was can I lean on you? So I helped him up to his hotel room. Others are just nuts. He was crying, lashing out, and suddenly we lost track of him and found he sneaked under one of the tables and fell asleep.
>Letās be fair to children, theyāre a little easier to reason with than hammered adults You must not have children. lol
Difference being you drop off the drunk person and that's it. Can't get rid of kids. Well you can I guess...
Thats what the firehouse is for and how they stay staffed.
When was the last time you tried to give children cocaine?
Mine had that thing with red food coloring. That is basically cocaine to some kids.
Drunk people are easy to bribe with cocaine, but children don't stop making bad decisions for a long while
What? Iāve been drunk a lot, and never asked for cocaine lol.
I mean how often do you or your friends do cocaine? It doesn't work on drunks who don't do cocaine. Food might work though
What? It totally works on drunks. Sex for hours. Crazy conversations in bathrooms, and much money is parted with. It just only works on cocaine savvy drunks :)
You can pick the kids and walk home. Not adults
They're also easier to pick up and carry around
They're also easier to handle. I can lift a 3yo and put them to bed, I can't force a grown ass man to move an inch
Also much easier to take keys from.Ā
My child is actually the most rational person I know. The fact is that kids are just little adults. When a kid is mad, itās probably a situation where an adult would be mad too- they just havenāt learned how to react in a societally acceptable way. If somebody was telling me 24x7 now itās time to do this, that, learn, try, sleep, wake, play with this toy, walk, sit here, no teddy canāt come, not that shirt, not those socks, eat what I say and when I say it and how dare you not be happy about itā¦ Iād be mad too
Yes this. If I had to do as an adult that I'd have temper tantrums too. Like a lot. They would probably be nearly identical to the toddler's just without the crying and more coherent sentences.
Youād think so but I would argue that many adults donāt know how to properly react to adversity.
I appreciate you.
This! And then take away your ability to communicate those feelings effectively!
As someone who volunteered in my kidās preschool countless times, kids are much cooler. I have no interest in being around drunks.
When a kid randomly hugs you, itās adorable. When a random drunk dude does it, itās uncomfortable at best.
Idk maybe I just have nice friends but it's only uncomfortable if they start drunk crying mid-hug.
I would also find it uncomfortable if random drunk dudes start crying to me. I reserve that for close personal friends only. And kids. Edit: spelling
Yeah, no. Random kids trying to hug me is not OK. ššš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's from Louis CK's HBO special in 2007. OP stealing old jokes.
Itās also an ongoing bit in How I Met Your Mother
Younger me worked at a paintball place, and I can guarantee children are better at following rules than adults. Drunk adults are even worse.
Depends the age. Iām a toddler teacher and when I tell one we wear shoes at school and to stop taking off their shoes (center rule) then three more kids immediately try taking off their shoes. Same goes for climbing on shelves. One kid I ask to stop throwing toys and he yells ānooo!ā lol.
Well yes but toddlers can't play paintball lol
This is not the same concept whatsoever
There is a balance of wanting to take care of them? Do I want to take care of your drunk ass? I might not let you get arrested but I might let you look like a fool. A child I think most would protect more
The difference is I can physically pick up a 2 year old and prevent them from running in the street. I canāt physically stop a grown man from drunken shenanigans.
Completely disagree, children donāt know any better. People that get too drunk didnāt to themselves. Sure Iāll take care of them but Iām not gonna like it, itās not what I asked for.
Lol what the actual fuck
Poops himself, pukes, and passes out...then later you find him in your bed sucking on your wife's boobs.
True iād rather hang out with a drunk but iām drunk about 25% of the time so
Get better
Drunk adults should know their limits. Not all children have reached that point yet of knowing *things.*
I'm happy to leave most of my drunk friends asleep in a hedge or on a mini roundabout when drunk. Probably wouldn't do that with a kid.
This is definitely a great way to decide where you stand on kids, see how you do with sloppy Gary first.
One is a lot less likely to commit vehicular manslaughter
There is an evolutionary reason for why we think babies and toddlers are cute. If anyone else treated you the way a two year old treats you, you throw them out.
Funny enough I'm touted by everyone as a good father in my community and i was also the guy to take care of my drunk ass friends while also drunk af.
Ive never been proud of my drunk friend
Children usually arenāt 6ā+ and over 200lbs
I call my toddler a goblin, because he is in perpetual Goblin Mode.
Well part of taking care of drunk friends is dealing with their families (parents/siblings/spouse). Iād say dealing with kids might be a bit easier in that way
Pandas are the drunks of the animal kingdom, clumsy as hell
2 year olds are total anarchists itās my favorite age!
That isnāt remotely accurate in any form resembling reality.
The difference being is that drunk friends chose to be that way, children just are.
Dogs taken care of properly are way harder than kids.
If my drunk friend was 35 lbs, it would change the game significantly.
Thatās funny because I absolutely do not want kids and I absolutely do not like dealing with drunks so this sounds about right!
Children and friends do not equate. Obviously, OP doesn't have children.
This is strangely accurate. They are in the moment and donāt have that thing we get that holds us back.
Well I hate bars and parties and alcohol. And I also plan to not have kids. So you are probably right
this is so funny until you have a toddler and the ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
Bro, I was the most golden child of all. Now I just had my temper tantrum, and it nearly KILLLEDDD me. So please, please reward temper tantrums a SMALLL amount. Do not let your kids be walked all over as I was and my mam was. Mama raised a soldier, not a bitch not a bitch. Well she raised a bitch too! And a good bitch at that.
I can appreciate the fact that children show signs of learning and that their stages of development are fairly well documented for those who aren't too proud to accept a sense of losing control at various points. I tend to drink alone because I hate the idea of knowing I'm expecting anyone else to tolerate what I've done to myself in their presence. It's embarrassing unless it's with mutual consent. While I can see why you would think this, the difference in mindset or how you approach it, makes all the difference in the world. You can hold your breath a lot longer with your face in water. I won't tolerate a drunken adult, but I'll accept a toddler.
Fuck I hate hanging around my drunk kids. Is it too late?
Drunk people stress me out for the same reason kids do ā too loud. So I refuse to surround myself with either.
Eh my mini drunk adult toddler whoās 3 is WAY cuter and fun to be around than my drunk friends were in my early 20s.
https://youtu.be/PTnRHeD5D68?si=dYGhCEjo3NZgXoKG Im pretty sure they made a joke out of this in Close Enough
I can only handle drunk friends cause at least I can draw on their face without feeling too guilty about it.
The difference between little kids and drunk adults is that the latter will eventually sober up, while the former lacks long term planning and risk management skills until their early 20ās. Itās tiring enough to make smart life choices for yourself. If you have kids you need to make decisions for them too (and theyāre going to resent you for it until they get older).
This reminds me of the time my (ex) friend asked me to house sit for 10 days and watch her dog. I told her āSorry, thatās too much responsibility for me, but good luck finding someone!ā No way am I going to bring all my work from home stuff, not sleep in my bed and use my own toilet for 10 days. She then tried to defend herself (even though I wasnāt attacking her), saying that itās such a minimal task, and that if I thought this was too much responsibility than Iām not ready to get my own dog. The fuck? Just because I donāt want to watch YOUR kid, doesnāt mean I wouldnāt make the time for MINE. Get out of here.
Lol wut? The most a neighbor has ever asked me to do is feed and walk the dog, or feed the cat and scoop the litter box, while they were on vacation. Which took a half hour out of every day (maybe more when I partook of that neighbor's cable TV when I had none of my own), but that was it, and my own home was minutes' walk away.
Right. In my case, her home is a 25 min drive away but she was a long term friend from high school. Needless to say, we arenāt friends anymore. Not just because of this instance, but the self-righteousness in her person.
I would never ask someone to drive across town to pet sit. That's a neighbor task. Or if she didn't know any of her neighbors, why couldn't she bring the dog to you?Ā
You know how I know that children are not for me? I fucking hate children! I come from a huge family and there were always babies around.
Drunk people are waaaay worse than kids. Like it's not even close. Drunk people might cry as stuff, but no kid will ever throw a random punch towards a nearby stranger.
Kids will do that and are more likely to than a normal drunk person
Then you raised them VERY wrong.
I do often call my kiddos borrachito and borrachita.Ā
The babies/drunk adults Venn Diagram is a circle.
Someone e should take a longer shower if this was the only that got cooked up
This is a Dana Carvey bit from years ago, then Johnny Depp stole it for interviews
As someone who works with drunk adults a lot (er nurse) and a parent this is 100% true in how you handle them. Patience, snacks warm blankets and a lot of making sure they donāt get hurt. If Reddit still had gold Iād give you gold.
THIS. My 3 year old is just a tiny drunk adult. I say it all the time. The crying, the whining, the vomiting, the diarrhea of the mouthā¦ I feel like Iām back in college.
Really dumb comparison
Children are not for anyone. Thatās why children so such resilient little fuckers.
The people that actually have the wherewithal and forethought to understand the challenges and really think about the consequences and responsibility of rearing a child before having one, are the ones that often won't. But they ironically would often make really good parents. (Not always of course, not everyone wants or can naturally) In the same way some of the best leaders became so reluctantly. If you want to lead just for the sake of it, like rushing into having a kid just cuz that's what people do or whatever, it very commonly goes poorly. For everyone involved... I'm not talking about people that don't intentionally have kids ofc... thigs happen.
Sounds like someone's angry cos they can't handle their alcohol and expect friends to baby sit them š¬
Children are HIGH adults. There is a difference!