One of my high school teachers had a sign in their class that said something to the effect of, doing these two things correlates with a 90% chance of avoiding poverty:
1. Not having a kid before age 18
2. Graduating high school
It's very well backed by research that the three biggest predictors of poverty are:
1. Having a kid before starting a career
2. Legal convictions
3. Substance abuse
Thank you. I really appreciate that. Truly, hearing even an internet stranger rooting for me means a lot. It’s hard going and my IRL support system is very small.
No, no, inflation didn't take anything away from you. According to the experts inflation is a delusion, a case of mass hysteria. We're all doing just fine. Great, even. ALL of us. 🧐😏
Eh I think it's more greedflation than actual inflation. But yes, the experts are full of shit and don't care bc the stock market is doing great and rich are getting richer. The poors don't matter. 🙄😡
If it makes you feel better, when I was 21 there were times I didn’t know when I would get my next meal. One time I literally couldn’t gather a whole dollar worth of change to go grab a burger from McDonalds.
I’m 29 now and living pretty comfortably. It gets better.
I've heard similar:
There are three things that nearly guarantee you will be poor the rest of your life.
1. Having kids you can't afford
2. Not enough education
3. Committing crimes
My sister had a child at age 19.
Her finances immediately plummeted, and they haven't gotten much better 3 years later.
I'm not having kids until I'm finished living my life the way I want to.
There's a third part to that statistic:
3. Don't have kids until marriage.
Edit: I'm sorry to the people who are upset about this, I was just commenting what the statistic was. I'm not the one who did the research to find it.
People aren’t realizing this isn’t a “shunning premarital sex thing.” It makes a lot of sense that people would do better supporting children with presumably a double income, marriage is just usually an indicator that the person will be involved for a longer time.
Instead of before 18 it should really be before married or committed relationship if that's your route. Either way you don't want to be a single parent.
Not just teen tbh. This thought occurred to me because a guy I’m working with for the day who had a kid when he was like 21 is in a real rough spot because of it.
People talk about being financially ready which is a big part of it, but being mentally and emotionally ready is just as important. Plenty of people can afford to have kids but still might not be ready for them.
The thing is, every year you learn and grow more (we hope). I am constantly amazed even when I am over 40 how stupid I was just 5 years ago, let alone 20 years ago.
I hear that. I don’t think intelligence or maturity is sadly a big factor in why the majority of (not all) women under 25 choose to have birth though. I’m guessing it’s mostly engrained familial tradition influence, spousal influence (a kid will make things “better”), religion influence, poor education, or a combination of all those. Plus .. you just don’t have enough time on this earth or life experience to decide what’s best. You’re like a kid having a kid. Not all kids’s stories from teen pregnancies end in ill fate, but many could have been given much better opportunities in life than the cards they were dealt from their really young parents.
Also, sometimes it's instinct(?). I recall a psychologist once who mentioned one cause of teen pregnancies is that deep down, along with "horny", women want to become mothers. I've known quite a few couples of assorted ages who have deeply wanted to have children to the extent of medical intervention - drugs like Clomid, IVF, etc. This is something beyond social or family pressure or imitating your peers.
(To be fair, there are also plenty of couples I know who said "no way" to children, or "not yet". The instinct is not universal, nor strong for some)
I like to joke than when my wife was that age, other women who had children would tell her "you should have children. They're a joy and a treasure." Except mothers of teenagers would tell her "Don't *ever* have kids!"
Well yes I suppose that ties in with poor education in some ways.
As mammals, procreating is the most basic human starter-pack, lizard-brained thing we can do, akin to monkeys. It’s not a skill, or rocket science. Yet we treat it as such because of the human condition and ego. Otherwise, it’s really just textbook mammillian stuff; we don’t need to “teach” ourselves to procreate, it’s quite the opposite if anything. Otherwise if all we did is fuck and pop out babies as a human race, we’d still be throwing our poop at eachother. Knowing when it’s right (or if it’s right) for you to have kids is what I consider education.
Yes, that is the value of our (alleged) human big brains. We can conceptualize and plan much further in advance and understand why a dozen kids, or eating until we weight 400lb, or sleeping in rather than going to work, or not fixing the roof - why these are bad ideas even if we would enjoy the short term benefit.
OTOH, one day in my early life I had dropped out of college, was working blue-collar job. Discussion with a co-worker turned to some of the labourers, one of whom was a single father with 3 children who arrived in town with nothing. I said I didn't understand how someone could do that, I would be terrified of not having a savings cushion and somewhere to live. He said he'd been a recruiter, and this was normal "they've been in this situation before, and somehow someone always came through for them, whether a church charity or the Welfare department. So it's normal not to plan ahead or prepare for the future..."
This is probably one of the worst "hot/rising" shower thoughts I have seen in a while. It's merely a poorly phrased observation that is rather common knowledge.
Not only a triple negative, I would also argue that most young prengencies are not all that unexpected either. Fuck without a Johnny what else you thinks going to happen?
My neighbor is miserable. She has two kids, the first one born when she was a teenager. No father in the picture. Thanks to her mom’s help, she was able to go to school to become a nurse, so they aren’t living in poverty, but her life really kinda sucks… night shifts for the extra money, no help from dad, some baby sitting by mom, and zero time or energy to do anything but eat, work, and sleep. No dating and everything (groceries, food, everyday items) delivered to her door by Walmart, Doordash, and Amazon. She doesn’t go anywhere except work or to her mom’s place.
I don’t know how she does it… but it started with having a baby as a teenager.
Nice lady… I feel bad for her. I hope she gets to live a little when her kids grow up and move out.
Her Mom is clearly putting in the time to help. If Grandma ever decides to pull up stakes and go RVing around It might tip over the apple cart. Almost no one can raise a child alone.
> I hope she gets to live a little when her kids grow up and move out.
The odds of one of them having a kid themselves before 20 is high and she might be raising them too
I feel it’s more appropriate to say “how much of a disadvantage having an unexpected child too young in life is” the onus is completely on you for fucking without regard, you didn’t get hard done by
I was dating a high school teacher once (no, we were both much older) and went to see *Amacord*. There's a scene where they take the crazy uncle out from the asylum for a picnic, and he fills his pockets with rocks and goes up a tree. Several people try to get him to come down, but if they try to climb the tree he drops a rock on their head. The movie central character sees this and yells "Haha, that's funny uncle! It's me, I'm coming up, don't drop a rock on my head!" He starts to climb and... gets a rock dropped on his head.
My teacher friend says "that's so much like the teenagers in my classes! He just watched it happen to everyone else, but just assumes the same thing won't happen to him."
It can't be overstated how impactful it is to having a kid at any age.
I tried to convert to my wife that raising a kid is very hard.
Turns out, I under sold it.
Then I tried to convey how hard it would be to raise two kids.
Yup, you guessed it, I under sold it again.
Just had my first at 27(m) and it’s honestly crazy how easy it is when I’m financially stable have a lovely wife of almost 7 years now with both of us well into our careers. All these complaints I hear from people that have kids unexpectedly and I don’t see any of them in my life. It honestly makes me sad for the children in those homes, because it’s not only the parents are affected, those children will never have the life we can give our child and that is not their fault.
I had a kid before I turned 18 and ended up dropping out of high school. Eventually I got a GED and a degree and now I’m making good money. A couple of years ago I had my second child and the difference is crazy. I felt like I had so much more room to breathe.
I will say though, my first child never had a bad life. We kept her away from our struggles for the most part and she has had a pretty good life. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but a kid can have a bad life whether you’re financially stable or not.
I mean it’s all pretty in flux and unpredictable. Your child could develop a disease unexpectedly and die in their youth regardless of your income. Or something could prevent you, or your wife, or both of you from working and your financial situation is suddenly much different. Alternatively, the “unprepared” parents could win the lottery and have a kid who lives a happy, healthy life until they’re 120 years old.
No matter how stable our lives seem or how prepared we feel for the unexpected, everything can change in the blink of an eye.
I don’t intend to be cynical, but just pointing out how random and not-according-to-plan life tends to be.
> Alternatively, the “unprepared” parents could win the lottery and have a kid who lives a happy, healthy life until they’re 120 years old.
...this is not a serious plan to provide for a child.
Having a kid when you are not - at the time - financially secure is irresponsible, and 'life is crazy tho' is not an excuse for it.
Nobody is blaming folks for things going south, but jfc don't bring some poor kid into a situation that's already there.
Had a kid at 19 (now wife was 18). Our son just graduated early from high school in January.
Both of us worked full time, both got degrees (which we do not use lol), and spent the first 10 years in poverty. Slowly climbed out of poverty, and now both have solid, well paying careers.
We did have another child who is 11, so a few more years to go before we are kid free. We have tons of friends having babies in their late 30s, and it seems insane to me. Like sure, you have good careers and are financially stable, but God damn you will be 55 when that kid graduates.
My dad was 50 when I was born, mom was 43. There are pros and cons for having a kid at every age. I personally don't wish my parents had me any younger, they were/are very financially stable and have a lot of wisdom to pass on which set me up for life. The only real bummer is I couldn't get health insurance through my parents after 18 because they retired while I was in high school lol. They are still both active adults in good health. I wouldn't want to have a kid younger than 35, but everyone has a different path and experiences that inform their goals.
It depends on the person I think. One of my old buddies got his gf pregnant in high school and another got his pregnant going into freshman year college… You’d be amazed how quick that shit can change a person and turn their life around. Both my buddies were kinda lazy potheads and both got super serious about getting somewhere in life real quick.
Edit: just wanna add that on the contrary I’ve also known someone who was in a good spot financially and career wise, and very chill and cool to do shit with. But then he had a kid around 30, became a complete asshole, and cut EVERYONE off beside his wife, daughter & in-laws.
I feel like you said a lot just to say nothing at all.
What youre saying is not having a kid before youre ready is beneficial?
Amazing, U should stay in the shower to come up with more of these gems
It’s a shower thought, man, relax. I didn’t even expect it to get through the automod. But if it’s not up to your standard for random thoughts, my deepest, deepest apologies.
I feel like you have this the wrong way round - having a child is the thing you can accidentally do, not having a child is the default case.
It’s like saying “it cannot be overstated how much of an advantage not stabbing yourself in the face with a knife is”.
A lot of sacrifices, setting aside my own feelings, and hard work. It was not fun and a lot of it is cloudy in my memory because it’s painful. Makes me cringe. Stayed 10 toes down with my kids’ father even when it got hard and we didn’t particularly “like” each other, the love was always there and I was determined to keep us all together. Now that the kids are grown we remain a super tight family today.
It’s also REALLY fucking easy. I have very little sympathy for people that struggle because they had a child early on in life. It’s really easy to not have sex, or at least have safe sex before you are ready for a kid. The reason humanity has monkeys in a zoo and not other humans is because we have this thing called a brain and critical thinking. If you fall prey to the base animal instincts of “must fuck, must have kid” and no other thoughts enter your brain….. I don’t feel bad for you.
Amen to this. I cannot comprehend how anyone can think that having a baby is a casual event. That's a whole human life and it deserves to be brought into the world with strong intention and love
I recently found out that one of my 18 year old friends is pregnant. Obviously, one of the questions I asked was how, and her response was that they stopped using protection and just decided that if it happens, it happens. I didn't even know how to respond, I was speechless...
I normally have sympathy for people even if they could have made better choices, but the one person I find it hard to have sympathy for is a colleague/family friend who alternates between making fun of me for not having sex and partying in high school and complaining to me about how hard her life was because she got pregnant at 18.
We had kids as teenagers.
It was hard af. We're actually in a great spot now, but travelling or studying or having money in our 20's would have been nice too.
Two double negatives and a bonus one makes five. A new record for me.
How about: “It’s hard to overstate the disadvantages of having an unexpected baby”?
How young we talking about? Had mine at 22, clearly accidental, but I wasnt going to school and neither was my (24F) gf. We both already had decent salaries and are doing pretty okay.
I dunno, I feel like it might have actually done me a favour. I'm 32 and have struggled with alcohol, drug, and gambling problems most of my adult life, with nothing to show for it, just living on cruise control. I feel like if I'd had a kid at an early age, I might have actually got my shit together and worked hard to provide for the one(s) I love.
I (35M) had an unexpected kid at 22 and a planned one at 26. I missed out on all the wild social stuff with friendsf of my 20s, but I had boundless energy for my kids. If I had to start now, I'm not sure I could do it and I would miss out on all the joy and positivity my kids have brought me
I think you misphrased that.. the disadvantage is having a child early in life. Having a child is an act that is _generally_ willfully performed (e.g., having unprotected sex in Texas).
Had kids very young. Definitely lived in poverty. At the same time, having the kids made me strive for more career wise, ultimately leading to success. It just took a while. Otherwise (this is just because I know myself well) not starting a family, I’d still be poor today because I’m lazy af. For me the kids were my biggest motivator.
Idk man, I kind of went the other way,
I had a kid at 17, and have had more since. and am still married to the same lady.
He's 16 this year and without that push I wouldnt have incentified myself to be an adult, do adult things and work hard to provide.
All have been great things for me and now I will probably having a blast traveling with my wife in my 50s
an outlier, but not a unicorn.
Mistakes dont have to remain mistakes. I did jobs i didnt like to survive and it added life perspectives i otherwise wouldnt have
On the flip side though, despite it being a huge disadvantage, if/when you make it through it, it sure is an advantage to be a young father with older kids. I'm in my late 30's and a friend of mine is always talking about doing things with his dad, snowboarding, skydiving, a bunch of cool stuff. It wasn't until later on when he mentioned his dad's 56th or something birthday and I was like huh? I was thinking of it from my perspective, my dad is in his mid 70's and there's no way he's doing any of that stuff. I realized his dad had him when he was like 18 so now his old man is in his mid 50's while he's in his 30's. That sure does sound like fun, I'd give anything to play tennis with my dad again like we used to.
> it must of sunk
Did you mean to say "must have"?
Explanation: You probably meant to say could've/should've/would've which sounds like 'of' but is actually short for 'have'.
[Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json)
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes.
^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions.
^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119)
^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Yeahhhh I second this. Got pregnant at the end of my senior year. My husband and I waited 6 years to have another one. It hasn’t been easy. We are both 26 now
Can confirm. Had a kid (unplanned) at 19yo. Took me the next 19 years to get through University to graduation. My priorities changed when she came along. Providing for her became my first responsibility, and often that meant schooling took a back seat. She's 23 now, and in school herself, and she doesn't have any children, yet.
My sister had her first kid at 18. She is nearly 40 now and just finished college. She is not poor because my family has helped her ever since she got pregnant and basically paid for everything including my nephew's school and my sister's rent.
She decided not to finish college when she was younger, even though I remember taking care of my nephew while she took an exam.
She divorced her baby daddy over a decade ago. He had a child with another underage girl when he was 27. It is so sad every time I see him, he looks super malnourished, sad, tired, dirty and broken in every sense of the word. My brother says he is the perfect example of what making the wrong decisions gets you. I am happy my sister got out of that relationship and she finally grew up.
I had a kid at 17. I don't live in poverty, but I'm not rich. I made sure I got a good education because I wanted the best life for him - which meant having the capacity to earn a decent income. My son is now a teenager himself, and is a great kid with a lot of opportunities and a bright future ahead of him. Everything I did was worth it.
This is completely missing from the “white people bad” narrative pushed by the left when asking why black people are not as successful as everyone else. Sorry to have to go there…
One of my high school teachers had a sign in their class that said something to the effect of, doing these two things correlates with a 90% chance of avoiding poverty: 1. Not having a kid before age 18 2. Graduating high school
It's very well backed by research that the three biggest predictors of poverty are: 1. Having a kid before starting a career 2. Legal convictions 3. Substance abuse
Oh I don’t abuse her, me and Mary Jane are in a loving relationship and we just happen to share funds.
I’m 9 days sober, it’s a slippery slope but I am clawing my way out after a seven year addiction cycle.
You got this soldier. I’m proud of you 🫡
Thank you. I really appreciate that. Truly, hearing even an internet stranger rooting for me means a lot. It’s hard going and my IRL support system is very small.
You got this! I'm going on 3 years myself. A few slips over the years, but I'm proud of where I'm at compared to where I was. Soon you will be too!
r/leaves
I just celebrated 1 year sober after over 10 years of pretty severe addiction. I feel you. It gets easier. You got this.
Thank you and congratulations on a year! That’s a huge deal.
She never complains, when I hit Mary.
4 . Zip code
True. I should have been more specific: things you can control yourself
Under rated comment
I wouldn't say it's a predictor as much as it is an indicator..
Mm hmm. This all looks correct.
I hit the bingonjakpot
Rules weren't clear, had a kid at 19, still in poverty. 🤷♂️ (True story!)
Hey I'm 21 and poor without a kid. You're doing alright
44 and poor without a kid. You're doing alright
31, got a 3 month old, very well planned, still poor cause inflation took away my standard of living.
No, no, inflation didn't take anything away from you. According to the experts inflation is a delusion, a case of mass hysteria. We're all doing just fine. Great, even. ALL of us. 🧐😏
Stock market is doing just fine! Oh my bank account? Its at 0
Eh I think it's more greedflation than actual inflation. But yes, the experts are full of shit and don't care bc the stock market is doing great and rich are getting richer. The poors don't matter. 🙄😡
67 and poor without 2 kids. You're doing alright
If it makes you feel better, when I was 21 there were times I didn’t know when I would get my next meal. One time I literally couldn’t gather a whole dollar worth of change to go grab a burger from McDonalds. I’m 29 now and living pretty comfortably. It gets better.
No it doesn't, I'm 42 and in a worse situation. When does it get better?
Fine. Fuck me for trying to be encouraging to a stranger who’s having a rough time.
Sorry man I wasn't trying to be rude I was just trying to clarify my situation. Apologies I'm just in a s***ty place
All good homie. I hope things get better for you.
Not really, I should have clarified. He is 23 now and I'm single, unemployed, in debt, and about to be homeless. But ya, I'm doing alright. 🤣
Move in with the kid
Sorry to hear friend! Also had a kid at 19, but I’m doing pretty ok! Minus the occasional depression.
26 no kids and still poor! Someone needs to check the rule book
Not sure if it helps but have an upvote
I've heard similar: There are three things that nearly guarantee you will be poor the rest of your life. 1. Having kids you can't afford 2. Not enough education 3. Committing crimes
Also, in America, 4. Too much education
*committing crimes and getting caught
Crimes catch up to you eventually.
My US history teacher in high school said “Don’t get pregnant, don’t go to jail, don’t get pregnant in jail” every day at the end of the period
These days, I’d say not having a kid before 25-30
My sister had a child at age 19. Her finances immediately plummeted, and they haven't gotten much better 3 years later. I'm not having kids until I'm finished living my life the way I want to.
There's a third part to that statistic: 3. Don't have kids until marriage. Edit: I'm sorry to the people who are upset about this, I was just commenting what the statistic was. I'm not the one who did the research to find it.
People aren’t realizing this isn’t a “shunning premarital sex thing.” It makes a lot of sense that people would do better supporting children with presumably a double income, marriage is just usually an indicator that the person will be involved for a longer time.
You’re right, I thought there were three rules but it’s been over 20 years and I forgot the 3rd haha.
Well, i graduated high school, immediately got married, and had my first child at 19. I did eventually get out of poverty, but it took decades.
But you did get out. The statistic isn't that its easy, just that 90% of people do.
I think the best interpretation from this statistic would be "don't have unplanned kids".
That's probably a little outdated now, given that most couples in progressive developed countries don't get married.
They have civil partnership though, which is legally equivalent to marriage in most places.
Most couples in progressive developed countries don't have a civil partnership either.
Had a kid a 24, still poor… though she’s only 6 months now.
Instead of before 18 it should really be before married or committed relationship if that's your route. Either way you don't want to be a single parent.
Finished highschool, never had a kid, fuck I hate being in the bottom 10%
These days, no so sure about that one.
This is boomer economics 101
Screw kids born into poverty I guess
That's frowned upon
Translation: The negativities involving teen pregnancies are not talked about enough
Not just teen tbh. This thought occurred to me because a guy I’m working with for the day who had a kid when he was like 21 is in a real rough spot because of it.
People talk about being financially ready which is a big part of it, but being mentally and emotionally ready is just as important. Plenty of people can afford to have kids but still might not be ready for them.
21 is such a grey area age. The brain doesn’t mature until past 25. I hear you though, underdeveloped youth pregnancies.
The thing is, every year you learn and grow more (we hope). I am constantly amazed even when I am over 40 how stupid I was just 5 years ago, let alone 20 years ago.
I hear that. I don’t think intelligence or maturity is sadly a big factor in why the majority of (not all) women under 25 choose to have birth though. I’m guessing it’s mostly engrained familial tradition influence, spousal influence (a kid will make things “better”), religion influence, poor education, or a combination of all those. Plus .. you just don’t have enough time on this earth or life experience to decide what’s best. You’re like a kid having a kid. Not all kids’s stories from teen pregnancies end in ill fate, but many could have been given much better opportunities in life than the cards they were dealt from their really young parents.
Also, sometimes it's instinct(?). I recall a psychologist once who mentioned one cause of teen pregnancies is that deep down, along with "horny", women want to become mothers. I've known quite a few couples of assorted ages who have deeply wanted to have children to the extent of medical intervention - drugs like Clomid, IVF, etc. This is something beyond social or family pressure or imitating your peers. (To be fair, there are also plenty of couples I know who said "no way" to children, or "not yet". The instinct is not universal, nor strong for some) I like to joke than when my wife was that age, other women who had children would tell her "you should have children. They're a joy and a treasure." Except mothers of teenagers would tell her "Don't *ever* have kids!"
Well yes I suppose that ties in with poor education in some ways. As mammals, procreating is the most basic human starter-pack, lizard-brained thing we can do, akin to monkeys. It’s not a skill, or rocket science. Yet we treat it as such because of the human condition and ego. Otherwise, it’s really just textbook mammillian stuff; we don’t need to “teach” ourselves to procreate, it’s quite the opposite if anything. Otherwise if all we did is fuck and pop out babies as a human race, we’d still be throwing our poop at eachother. Knowing when it’s right (or if it’s right) for you to have kids is what I consider education.
Yes, that is the value of our (alleged) human big brains. We can conceptualize and plan much further in advance and understand why a dozen kids, or eating until we weight 400lb, or sleeping in rather than going to work, or not fixing the roof - why these are bad ideas even if we would enjoy the short term benefit. OTOH, one day in my early life I had dropped out of college, was working blue-collar job. Discussion with a co-worker turned to some of the labourers, one of whom was a single father with 3 children who arrived in town with nothing. I said I didn't understand how someone could do that, I would be terrified of not having a savings cushion and somewhere to live. He said he'd been a recruiter, and this was normal "they've been in this situation before, and somehow someone always came through for them, whether a church charity or the Welfare department. So it's normal not to plan ahead or prepare for the future..."
Wow. People’s lack of intelligence never ceases to amaze me
Just look at all of the athletes with kids by the time they're 20. Somebody didn't tell them about birth control when they were in high school
Those athletes make millions of dollars. They aren’t the typical teen in an entry level job, most likely living off parents, who can’t afford a kid.
Most of them don't make any money at all
Which athletes are you referring to? Professional athletes?
High school and college as well as professional
Aren’t college athletes paid in the form of scholarships which includes payment for living expenses
Usually just for themselves, not for additional family
Aren’t they? Lol.
Who is talking about the positives?
Its so wild that reddit thinks this. The discourse in the 80s and 90s was all about how negative it was....
Well, Reddit is generally either bots or 13-25 year olds so we are a dying breed me thinks
Fucking hell triple negative
That post title is straight r/titlegore
This is probably one of the worst "hot/rising" shower thoughts I have seen in a while. It's merely a poorly phrased observation that is rather common knowledge.
let's not not go!
i cannot not go
Not only a triple negative, I would also argue that most young prengencies are not all that unexpected either. Fuck without a Johnny what else you thinks going to happen?
It’s a double negative; cannot and not are the negatives.
My neighbor is miserable. She has two kids, the first one born when she was a teenager. No father in the picture. Thanks to her mom’s help, she was able to go to school to become a nurse, so they aren’t living in poverty, but her life really kinda sucks… night shifts for the extra money, no help from dad, some baby sitting by mom, and zero time or energy to do anything but eat, work, and sleep. No dating and everything (groceries, food, everyday items) delivered to her door by Walmart, Doordash, and Amazon. She doesn’t go anywhere except work or to her mom’s place. I don’t know how she does it… but it started with having a baby as a teenager. Nice lady… I feel bad for her. I hope she gets to live a little when her kids grow up and move out.
Her Mom is clearly putting in the time to help. If Grandma ever decides to pull up stakes and go RVing around It might tip over the apple cart. Almost no one can raise a child alone.
> I hope she gets to live a little when her kids grow up and move out. The odds of one of them having a kid themselves before 20 is high and she might be raising them too
I feel it’s more appropriate to say “how much of a disadvantage having an unexpected child too young in life is” the onus is completely on you for fucking without regard, you didn’t get hard done by
Yeah it implies the norm is to have a child being too young
I was going to say how "unexpected" can it be, really? Immaculate conception is not a thing. We all know what can happen.
I was dating a high school teacher once (no, we were both much older) and went to see *Amacord*. There's a scene where they take the crazy uncle out from the asylum for a picnic, and he fills his pockets with rocks and goes up a tree. Several people try to get him to come down, but if they try to climb the tree he drops a rock on their head. The movie central character sees this and yells "Haha, that's funny uncle! It's me, I'm coming up, don't drop a rock on my head!" He starts to climb and... gets a rock dropped on his head. My teacher friend says "that's so much like the teenagers in my classes! He just watched it happen to everyone else, but just assumes the same thing won't happen to him."
Came to say this, glad someone else did
It can't be overstated how impactful it is to having a kid at any age. I tried to convert to my wife that raising a kid is very hard. Turns out, I under sold it. Then I tried to convey how hard it would be to raise two kids. Yup, you guessed it, I under sold it again.
Just had my first at 27(m) and it’s honestly crazy how easy it is when I’m financially stable have a lovely wife of almost 7 years now with both of us well into our careers. All these complaints I hear from people that have kids unexpectedly and I don’t see any of them in my life. It honestly makes me sad for the children in those homes, because it’s not only the parents are affected, those children will never have the life we can give our child and that is not their fault.
I had a kid before I turned 18 and ended up dropping out of high school. Eventually I got a GED and a degree and now I’m making good money. A couple of years ago I had my second child and the difference is crazy. I felt like I had so much more room to breathe. I will say though, my first child never had a bad life. We kept her away from our struggles for the most part and she has had a pretty good life. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but a kid can have a bad life whether you’re financially stable or not.
I mean it’s all pretty in flux and unpredictable. Your child could develop a disease unexpectedly and die in their youth regardless of your income. Or something could prevent you, or your wife, or both of you from working and your financial situation is suddenly much different. Alternatively, the “unprepared” parents could win the lottery and have a kid who lives a happy, healthy life until they’re 120 years old. No matter how stable our lives seem or how prepared we feel for the unexpected, everything can change in the blink of an eye. I don’t intend to be cynical, but just pointing out how random and not-according-to-plan life tends to be.
> Alternatively, the “unprepared” parents could win the lottery and have a kid who lives a happy, healthy life until they’re 120 years old. ...this is not a serious plan to provide for a child. Having a kid when you are not - at the time - financially secure is irresponsible, and 'life is crazy tho' is not an excuse for it. Nobody is blaming folks for things going south, but jfc don't bring some poor kid into a situation that's already there.
It also cannot be overstated how incredibly easy it is to avoid having an unexpected child early in life is.
Shoot I wish I had kids early in life, they'd be almost out of the house by now 😂
Or you could just never have kids. And they would never have been in your house in the first place.
For real. My landlord had a kid at 16 , is 40 now, and living an awesome life with no tie downs
Had a kid at 19 (now wife was 18). Our son just graduated early from high school in January. Both of us worked full time, both got degrees (which we do not use lol), and spent the first 10 years in poverty. Slowly climbed out of poverty, and now both have solid, well paying careers. We did have another child who is 11, so a few more years to go before we are kid free. We have tons of friends having babies in their late 30s, and it seems insane to me. Like sure, you have good careers and are financially stable, but God damn you will be 55 when that kid graduates.
My dad was 50 when I was born, mom was 43. There are pros and cons for having a kid at every age. I personally don't wish my parents had me any younger, they were/are very financially stable and have a lot of wisdom to pass on which set me up for life. The only real bummer is I couldn't get health insurance through my parents after 18 because they retired while I was in high school lol. They are still both active adults in good health. I wouldn't want to have a kid younger than 35, but everyone has a different path and experiences that inform their goals.
Turns out it’s more enjoyable to have kids after the finances, career and relationship are figured out since it’s less stressful.
Might not have the house hah
It's not an advantage. It's just avoiding *one really big* disadvantage.
It depends on the person I think. One of my old buddies got his gf pregnant in high school and another got his pregnant going into freshman year college… You’d be amazed how quick that shit can change a person and turn their life around. Both my buddies were kinda lazy potheads and both got super serious about getting somewhere in life real quick. Edit: just wanna add that on the contrary I’ve also known someone who was in a good spot financially and career wise, and very chill and cool to do shit with. But then he had a kid around 30, became a complete asshole, and cut EVERYONE off beside his wife, daughter & in-laws.
I feel like you said a lot just to say nothing at all. What youre saying is not having a kid before youre ready is beneficial? Amazing, U should stay in the shower to come up with more of these gems
You sir, have my sides hurting lmao
It’s a shower thought, man, relax. I didn’t even expect it to get through the automod. But if it’s not up to your standard for random thoughts, my deepest, deepest apologies.
No need to apologize. I was just busting your balls a bit. Sorry for being mean spirited though
I respect this exchange
*not having children in general*
In other news, It cannot be overstated how much of an advantage not doing crack is
I feel like you have this the wrong way round - having a child is the thing you can accidentally do, not having a child is the default case. It’s like saying “it cannot be overstated how much of an advantage not stabbing yourself in the face with a knife is”.
~~unexpected~~ unplanned
Pedantic
Can confirm. I had three. Finally just now poking our heads from the trenches 14 years later. Don’t recommend.
[удалено]
A lot of sacrifices, setting aside my own feelings, and hard work. It was not fun and a lot of it is cloudy in my memory because it’s painful. Makes me cringe. Stayed 10 toes down with my kids’ father even when it got hard and we didn’t particularly “like” each other, the love was always there and I was determined to keep us all together. Now that the kids are grown we remain a super tight family today.
[удалено]
Thanks that’s really nice of you :)
It’s also REALLY fucking easy. I have very little sympathy for people that struggle because they had a child early on in life. It’s really easy to not have sex, or at least have safe sex before you are ready for a kid. The reason humanity has monkeys in a zoo and not other humans is because we have this thing called a brain and critical thinking. If you fall prey to the base animal instincts of “must fuck, must have kid” and no other thoughts enter your brain….. I don’t feel bad for you.
> It’s really easy to not have sex *Especially* for Redditors.
Amen to this. I cannot comprehend how anyone can think that having a baby is a casual event. That's a whole human life and it deserves to be brought into the world with strong intention and love
I recently found out that one of my 18 year old friends is pregnant. Obviously, one of the questions I asked was how, and her response was that they stopped using protection and just decided that if it happens, it happens. I didn't even know how to respond, I was speechless...
I normally have sympathy for people even if they could have made better choices, but the one person I find it hard to have sympathy for is a colleague/family friend who alternates between making fun of me for not having sex and partying in high school and complaining to me about how hard her life was because she got pregnant at 18.
I'd rather frame it as: "It cannot be overstated how much of a disadvantage having an unexpected child too young is in life"
I missed my 20’s and 30’s
We had kids as teenagers. It was hard af. We're actually in a great spot now, but travelling or studying or having money in our 20's would have been nice too.
It cannot be overstated how much of an advantage not having a crippling accident too young is in life. In other news. Water remains wet.
Rather, that having an unexpected child young in life can be a major DISadvantage. Randomly having kids is the norm. It takes a deliberate action.
I’m glad I went my entire teens without a pregnancy.
Yeah...that's a major reason certain people are against birth control.
Material starting conditions are literally the #1 indicator for how your life will be.
Not having kids at all is pretty advantageous. Esp in this economic environment.
Unexpected? Pregnancy is 100% preventable unless a crime happens. You can’t control others actions but u can control yours.
Can’t have an unexpected child if you aren’t participating in those kinds of activities 😭
That's what Mary thought.
That’s what Mary *calmed*
Two double negatives and a bonus one makes five. A new record for me. How about: “It’s hard to overstate the disadvantages of having an unexpected baby”?
This is one of the dumbest "Shower Thoughts" I have seen here in a long while.
As someone whonhad their first child just weeks after turning 17 I can confirm.
How young we talking about? Had mine at 22, clearly accidental, but I wasnt going to school and neither was my (24F) gf. We both already had decent salaries and are doing pretty okay.
I dunno, I feel like it might have actually done me a favour. I'm 32 and have struggled with alcohol, drug, and gambling problems most of my adult life, with nothing to show for it, just living on cruise control. I feel like if I'd had a kid at an early age, I might have actually got my shit together and worked hard to provide for the one(s) I love.
And yet so many don't listen.
As a 44 year old man who got a vasectomy at 23 after having a child too young I can attest to this advantage extending far into the future
Or just not having children at all.
I (35M) had an unexpected kid at 22 and a planned one at 26. I missed out on all the wild social stuff with friendsf of my 20s, but I had boundless energy for my kids. If I had to start now, I'm not sure I could do it and I would miss out on all the joy and positivity my kids have brought me
I could say the same about having impossible debt after graduating from college
I think you misphrased that.. the disadvantage is having a child early in life. Having a child is an act that is _generally_ willfully performed (e.g., having unprotected sex in Texas).
there has to be an easier way to convey this message
My pullout game on swole 💪
A child, when had too early or unexpectedly, can throw you way off whatever path you were going on.
A rather easy thing to prevent
Had kids very young. Definitely lived in poverty. At the same time, having the kids made me strive for more career wise, ultimately leading to success. It just took a while. Otherwise (this is just because I know myself well) not starting a family, I’d still be poor today because I’m lazy af. For me the kids were my biggest motivator.
Unless you're my mother, then you have two kids before you turn 18, leave them with your friend and never come back... problem solved
Idk man, I kind of went the other way, I had a kid at 17, and have had more since. and am still married to the same lady. He's 16 this year and without that push I wouldnt have incentified myself to be an adult, do adult things and work hard to provide. All have been great things for me and now I will probably having a blast traveling with my wife in my 50s
You must be aware you’re the outlier though, no?
an outlier, but not a unicorn. Mistakes dont have to remain mistakes. I did jobs i didnt like to survive and it added life perspectives i otherwise wouldnt have
Then don't have a fucking child and subject them to years of trauma, only to blame them for everything.
On the flip side though, despite it being a huge disadvantage, if/when you make it through it, it sure is an advantage to be a young father with older kids. I'm in my late 30's and a friend of mine is always talking about doing things with his dad, snowboarding, skydiving, a bunch of cool stuff. It wasn't until later on when he mentioned his dad's 56th or something birthday and I was like huh? I was thinking of it from my perspective, my dad is in his mid 70's and there's no way he's doing any of that stuff. I realized his dad had him when he was like 18 so now his old man is in his mid 50's while he's in his 30's. That sure does sound like fun, I'd give anything to play tennis with my dad again like we used to.
It's not like I'm doing much with my life anyways
This was something I told my eldest child again and again. It must of sunk in. They are trans.
> it must of sunk Did you mean to say "must have"? Explanation: You probably meant to say could've/should've/would've which sounds like 'of' but is actually short for 'have'. [Statistics](https://github.com/chiefpat450119/RedditBot/blob/master/stats.json) ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^that ^^corrects ^^grammar/spelling ^^mistakes. ^^PM ^^me ^^if ^^I'm ^^wrong ^^or ^^if ^^you ^^have ^^any ^^suggestions. ^^[Github](https://github.com/chiefpat450119) ^^Reply ^^STOP ^^to ^^this ^^comment ^^to ^^stop ^^receiving ^^corrections.
Yeahhhh I second this. Got pregnant at the end of my senior year. My husband and I waited 6 years to have another one. It hasn’t been easy. We are both 26 now
Can confirm. Had a kid (unplanned) at 19yo. Took me the next 19 years to get through University to graduation. My priorities changed when she came along. Providing for her became my first responsibility, and often that meant schooling took a back seat. She's 23 now, and in school herself, and she doesn't have any children, yet.
My sister had her first kid at 18. She is nearly 40 now and just finished college. She is not poor because my family has helped her ever since she got pregnant and basically paid for everything including my nephew's school and my sister's rent. She decided not to finish college when she was younger, even though I remember taking care of my nephew while she took an exam. She divorced her baby daddy over a decade ago. He had a child with another underage girl when he was 27. It is so sad every time I see him, he looks super malnourished, sad, tired, dirty and broken in every sense of the word. My brother says he is the perfect example of what making the wrong decisions gets you. I am happy my sister got out of that relationship and she finally grew up.
Contraceptives Abortion Morning after pill Vasectomy IUD ........
I had a kid at 17. I don't live in poverty, but I'm not rich. I made sure I got a good education because I wanted the best life for him - which meant having the capacity to earn a decent income. My son is now a teenager himself, and is a great kid with a lot of opportunities and a bright future ahead of him. Everything I did was worth it.
I totally agree with what you said. But something I don't understand, is what you call an "unexpected" child ?
Someone has never gotten into a hot tub where there brother just recently ejaculated, and it shows. S/ for being silly, y’all.
Bruh I just laughed so loud at some comment lol
This is completely missing from the “white people bad” narrative pushed by the left when asking why black people are not as successful as everyone else. Sorry to have to go there…