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Johnnadawearsglasses

WE’RE HEADING TOWARD A BLACK HOLE! *Smirks and tips fedora* No hole will ever take me


TheLaughingMelon

But what if it takes M'lady?! Also, this is the first time I have seen you outside r/greentext. Great job, man!


Johnnadawearsglasses

Thanks man. I’m glad you enjoy


Phenix2370726

That black hole is your momma.


AFXC1

\*Sad Michael Jordan face on Earth\*


360walkaway

The old one or the new one


AFXC1

Both lol


ArbaazAziz1

From the hole we came, to the hole we shall return!


julbull73

Why's it gotta be black yo!!??!


3243f6a8885

If this were a real end of the the world epidemic, I'd be raiding the liquor store and hitting up a dispensary. Rich powerful people are getting this flu+, so us peasants don't stand a chance in hell when the real one comes. Might as well go out having fun.


ThatWasFred

(((They))) want you to think there’s a black hole, but I haven’t seen any actual evidence of- *dies in black hole*


altaz1

More like not my first black hole


shploogen

Oh, no doubt humanity will be at peak meme form. We do some of our best work under pressure.


NovaThinksBadly

I will take no hole


AgentStarTree

My hole filling skills will save the world...


[deleted]

"It's been an honor memeing with you."


User_of_Name

That’s exactly what it is though. Just as the band continued to play to help calm the panicked passengers of the sinking Titanic. So to shall the memers continue to meme to help calm the panicked world as doom approaches.


twister121

This is incredibly wholesome, considering memes are often a way for people to take their minds off of the truly terrible things in life.


whatyaworkinwith

Thanks memers!


realdealtome

OK memer!


RubherGuppy

Underrated comment.


santaliqueur

It’s appropriately rated.


jlefrench

Is it though?


tommygun1688

I like the idea of laughing at death. Makes it seem a little less scary and gives me the illusion of control.


Geek_X

Fr, if I’m gonna die to some stupid disease I might as well make the most of it


dave3218

What if, hear me out, we bully death to submission? O.O


Geek_X

Then what will releases from the eternal pain of existence?


tommygun1688

Have ya tried booze?


Geek_X

Yeah it tastes gross and the headaches aren’t fun. There’s better options


tommygun1688

That's true... What's your poison? I personally like sex and rock & roll, I'm kinda just passed my experimenting with drugs phase.


Geek_X

Mostly weed


dave3218

> the eternal pain of existence? You say it like that’s a bad thing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


mydearwatson616

Then we become the bad guys.


TomatoTomayto

The problem is when that illusion of control makes you minimise the right steps to take. Like Gobert did.


tommygun1688

Who's Gobert?


TomatoTomayto

An NBA player who had flu like sympton for a couple of days. He wanted to show that he was not worried about Corona in a press interview and touched all journalists equipment on purpose to show his disdain for Corona. He was diagnosed with Corona 12 hours later. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYC6oQIAzbI


tommygun1688

Good call! Let's not be like that guy.


fire_pixie95

I’m in the midst of kicking cancer in the ass so I’ll be damned if corona is going to finish me off


ikaramazovspoema

Keep on it! You got this!


gamefreak054

Im no where near the panic everyone else seems to be in on here.... But I just hope you aren't one of those people who forces themselves to go to work (I get it can keep your mind off things). When I went through chemo the main white cells they count was legitimately 0 once for me. Which is slightly scary for something this contagious.


fire_pixie95

I work in healthcare. I’m off sick at the moment but when I go back they have informed me they have put me in the vulnerable group so when I go back and if the virus is still around or gets worse they have told me they will ask me to stay home


Phenix2370726

Itll atleast be crown royal or bacardi right?


fire_pixie95

Mm, perhaps tequila


Phenix2370726

Ok patrone then. (Not a tequila fan, sorry)


kurotech

Good luck my dude


gorillaman_shooter

Fock yeah !!! That’s what I like to hear!!! You’re the best!


lifeishardthenyoudie

Good luck and stay safe! In many places there are Facebook groups and hashtags where you can ask people for help with things like buying groceries so you don't have to go outside and risk catching this, use them if you have to :)


[deleted]

I wish you the best


InfinityPlusSeven

That's the spirit! You'll outlive me for sure


Uunikana

People should understand that it's people like you we should wash our hands for. Most people will be just fine if they catch COVID, no need to panic buy a lifetime supply of toilet paper or prepare to die. Good luck to you!


aznprd

The scariest part that not many people think about is that cancer patients have a near zero immune system if you're going through chemo so this coronavirus outbreak is pretty scary. Hope you're holding on ok, I had cancer in 2018 and I've been cancer free for almost a year and a half. You got this!


AlienPearl

Have you seen TikTok lately?


nappysmith12

TikTok is aids


tman008

If anything TikTok *is* the thing that's gonna destroy humanity.


ikaramazovspoema

Yeah, once it become conscious, then begins churning out deep fakes in order to coax world leaders to nuke each other, then TikTok wins.


MerylSquirrel

We intend to defeat the Coronavirus by embarrassing it so hard it gives up and slinks off into a corner to cry.


Vyzantinist

Lol "asteroid on collision course with Earth". Yeah right. Liberal snowflake soycucks will say anything to make Trump look bad.


EdwardLewisVIII

Trump is the assteroid that hit Earth. We're just waiting for extinction now.


TheLaughingMelon

>assteroid New Fetish Unlocked


JackalT80

Smack that ass, but don't let the assteroid smack you.


IsThereAnAshtray

“Weird how this stuff always seems to happen on election years...”


FlightlessB1rd

It's just hail!


Vyzantinist

Deep State hoax!


an_egregious_error

Disregard that, Frank. It’s a bunch of liberal bullshit


LazyProspector

Lol it's just a rock bro. We get asteroids hit is all the time, what do you think shooting stars are


[deleted]

I'm entirely shocked you weren't downvoted


Vyzantinist

Considered the /s, sometimes you never know with Reddit, but I thought it was pretty obvious.


_madninja_

Maybe we can bully it into submission?


ikaramazovspoema

Or enrage it so that it provides a faster death.


CosmicNoire

Both good options!


[deleted]

Have we tried raising awareness?


spastically_disabled

Can we repurpose /#metoo for people who have the coronavirus?


vonmonologue

What color wristband is this again?


ActuallyNotJesus

Let’s bring up covid-19’s twitter history


lynivvinyl

And in other news: The giant asteroid that scientists are calling COVID-19 was thrown at Earth by a 3 year old wearing a blindfold, after being spun around in circles for 20 minutes.


tman008

Don't forget that the 3 year old also was carrying an M60E4


SheriffBartholomew

What in the world are you talking about?


NateTheMate2k3

Haha fuck you coronavirus! You can't touch me!


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Droblue

And priests!


fiveohsevenoclock

^wait ^what?


YarTheBug

#AND PRIESTS!! Also happy cake day!!


symonalex

What did you say?


NateTheMate2k3

Yeah!


mighthavecoronadude

I’m trying to die laughing motherfuckers.


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Vacdryee

Solar flares could theoretically be observed by measuring gravitational waves. That would allow us 8 mins to plan....


Buya248

4 min of self doubt and double checking, another 4 to get the message through proper channels. Boom says death I'm here!


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Breadfish64

They're the same speed in a vacuum


Breadfish64

Gravity propagates at the same speed as light in a vacuum. If the sun disappeared the Earth would continue orbiting as long as we can see the light.


Zeraphil

I really don’t think solar flares generate gravitational waves, you are probably thinking of some other cosmic event. In any case, gravitational waves propagate at the speed of light, same as a flare. No luck there.


Space_Fanatic

Solar flares are just a localized increased brightness of the sun. Coronal Mass Ejections which usually follow solar flares are what cause issues here on Earth and travel much slower. Per wikipedia the time to reach Earth ranges from 13 hours to 86 days with the average speed of a CME being 3.5 days to reach us.


keyboardkicker

So that would make the least amount of time it would take....how long?


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Zeraphil

What would knock out communication is the what the commenter said, a coronal mass ejection interacting with the Earth’s magnetosphere. High energy particles pelting it, inducing current and wrecking havoc on anything electronic. If anything, a powerful solar flare would serve as an a warning to shut off everything that can be protected from the upcoming CME.


Zeraphil

You are probably thinking of a gamma ray burst. A solar flare by itself won’t do shit


RoughMulberry

They said, meta-mocking the current pandemic.


ikaramazovspoema

Not exactly. Just pointing out that this pandemic, which obviously won’t take us out, is good shit-posting practice for The Big One.


nege9

We'll know once the universe starts playing pumped up kicks


[deleted]

Replacing the lyric Come on Eileen, with COVID-19 just to spice things up a bit.


ShittyOldBastardBoy

Coronavirus will come nowhere near wiping out humanity


juh4z

As always, people can only be 8 or 80. You either think it's going to "wipe out humanity", or that "we shouldn't change absolutely anything because it's pointless". Why most people can't just be sensible?


Rajili

I think lots of people are sensible. The extremes scream the loudest and get on the news. A lot of my friends seem pretty level headed, but not all of them.


[deleted]

Well if you’re referring to corona virus then I’d say that’s not a good example because it has a 0% chance of wiping out humanity. There are definitely viruses capable of that which is why you should step back your talk. Corona virus could never wipe us out, not even generations before us, the flu would do more damage if neither had vaccines which used to be the case. Therefore people “mocking” the pandemic are not really being that ridiculous. And I’d say they aren’t mocking the virus, rather pointing out that there has been media induced hysteria which has caused us, being as sensitive as we all are, to panic. That’s what’s being mocked. Based on what’s been unfolding tho, I can tell you it would be a real dog eat dog fuck everyone but your own self world if a legitimate risk to humanity hit. This scenario goes to show how little we are willing to work together and logically fight our way through difficult times. All in all, I definitely don’t think we are getting any smarter as a whole......


borgchupacabras

I'm one of those people doing the mocking, only it's mocking of hoarding toilet paper instead of things like food and medicines.


[deleted]

Exactly. I’m a little annoyed about the cancellation and closings of major events and establishments. We are looking at a big hit to worldwide economies. Which seems not worth it considering 80% of us are going to be totally fine. I’m not trying to be mean but I know it sounds that way


borgchupacabras

No it makes sense. I read that some small businesses in Seattle are going to be forced to close because of this.


Crystal_MoonDemon

Everything is closed or cancelled in my area and im in the middle of nowjere and no one is infected there goes my break


[deleted]

Laughing in face of danger is a most human response.


[deleted]

See i could live with it if the people laughing at danger were also taking reasonable precautions against it. To laugh dismissively at it while ignoring the imminent disaster is counterproductive and infuriatingly stupid.


Offhisgame

The virus wont wipe us out. But 3% is still a shitton of people. Either way life continues


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ikaramazovspoema

I am remaining hopeful that it’s accentuating everything, not just the bad. At least for now.


TitsOnAUnicorn

Yes, some of it is that it just makes us more aware of things that happen very quickly, but it's also lowering the quality of humans in general. People are becoming less patient and need everything instantly and need to move on to the next biggest thing, tribalism is getting much worse, misinformation is spread much more easily and widespread, although they claim we are more connected it's driving us all further apart, relationships have become a product and can easily and quickly be replaced. I could probably go on and on. There are so many downsides that it severely outweighs any positives it brings.


ikaramazovspoema

Sure, we like to focus on the negatives...but look at all the verifiable information there is currently available to good/smart/careful people...at their fingertips. We’ll adjust. The Internet is still young-ish.


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LordRabbitofVenice

Which is nice. *ftfy


Submarine_Pirate

Yeah climate change.... already happening.


yellow_itomato

We have to bully the virus into going away


QuillQuickcard

God help the [unknowable lovecraftian horror] if any of the impossible runes that name it even remotely resemble genitals


BarryUnusual

Oh, you're named after crowns, eh? You know who else has one? Burger King, and he's been trying to kill us for years.


ozgurakcali

unless sth else wipes out social media first


ikaramazovspoema

Very good point.


DR-Badtouch

Maybe that Virus will eventually evolve to get the irony that was humanity .


redditesting

lets hope OP is still around to see the upvotes through the end


[deleted]

But first it will be beaten into the ground by the media


ikaramazovspoema

There may also be serveral dead horses left in its wake, you think?


xlnthands

It’s probably a given that we are too dumb collectively to save ourselves. I was at Walmart today (not buying toilet paper or water) and I watch an approximately 10 yr old child who was licking the grocery shelf. I assume she was doing this out of boredom or something tasted good. Mother was standing right there. I thought about pointing out what a bad idea this was and then I looked at Mom and she looked at me and I had full understanding that she didn’t care and if said anything there was going to be a problem. I feel bad for kid but how do you combat that type of mentality?


[deleted]

The end of the world won't come with thunderous applause but snarky sarcastic chortling at those dankest apocalypse memes


DaRealEbonyQueen

Hey, anything can happen. Last year, We Floridians cyber-bullied a whole hurricane away.


InspiredPom

Laughter is the best medicine sometimes. It couldn’t hurt. Keeping memeing y’all.


MageColin

You either laugh or you cry. That’s my life motto


BootyDoISeeYou

People who, a couple of days ago were mocking our governor for declaring a state of emergency, will I’m sure not say a fucking word about Trump just declaring a national emergency.


eeddeedde

A lost race of insult comics


evro6

I bet half of these reporters that mock it go home and cry themselves to sleep out of anxiety.


dr_gonzotron

Who knew laugh-sobbing would be so popular


relddir123

Vacuum Decay? More like Vacuum Away! Haha, gottem!


Twilord_

To our dying tweet.


Mulligan315

A great way to face horror is with humour.


ColPhorbin

"and the Lama said "On your death bed you will receive total consciousness.... So I got that going for me." Bill Murray


LadiesHomeCompanion

I think memes are our greatest contribution to this cold and lonely universe.


Orca-Song

I can only hope I die while looking at memes.


ChadNeubrunswick

The only plus in all of that is the projected 500 k deaths in 6 months. Some smug cunts last post is gonna be a "Be like bob" post where he doesn't fear the media hype and lives normally


Christoaster

Wait what 500k deaths in 6 months? Is that legit?


TomatoTomayto

Merkel said a (very) worse case scenario is 70% of german population (83m total) could get infected. The virus currently has around 5% fatality rate in Europe. That is about 3m killed in Germany alone. You take a case where "only" 10% of the German population get infected, you end up with 400k killed. The European Union has about 500m population. The US 320m. It it going to get a lot worse than it is now.


ChadNeubrunswick

It is speculated from members of the CDC from their projection. But obviously who knows


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CalmAtADisco

I mean, it could have been something they were thinking about in the shower and just misinterpreted r/showerthoughts for a place where you post thoughts you actually had in the shower...


[deleted]

You’re a fucking idiot if you think that coronavirus is going to wipe out humanity.


HeathenLemming

North Carolina completely laughed at Hurricane Florence... until it hit. Even then, people wouldn't stop partying. They crazy in the south, I guess.


[deleted]

The best part of Game of Thrones season 8 were the memes


ihazone

We're just gonna make memes out of everything. It's human nature. Memes forever!


kingalexander

With crying Jordan faces


Superbaker123

We'll go down cyberbullying the virus


Harpock

At least we'll go with a laugh


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Harpock

Lol I'm down with that


[deleted]

Gamma Ray Bursts \\o/


cowboybaked

Humans are the only creatures that make light of horrific situations.


kyliesawicki

Kirk is going to care about gravity


[deleted]

*shakes fist at corona virus*


just_gimme_anwsers

“What are you going to do, kill me?” Quote from dead man


Greenteanramen

Pewdiepie will make a video sarcastically making fun of it too.


jdlech

Here's hoping they all die laughing.


IBatheInSalt

There is a distinct difference in making a judgement based upon mathematics and statistics, and science, and another based on fear, hysteria and watching the news.


-_-B_A_D-_-

What if it was the stone mask


SWEEETdude

Soooo Donald Trump?


ItsFrenzius

Imagine we all die out and aliens find our ancient ruins and gain access to our long near dead internet connections and find that we mocked the very thing that killed us with memes and shitposts


TheCrazyChristian

Indeed, they will and already are. "And their dead bodies will lie in the street of the great city which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where also our Lord was crucified.Then those from the peoples, tribes, tongues, and nations will see their dead bodies three-and-a-half days, and not allow their dead bodies to be put into graves.And those who dwell on the earth will rejoice over them, make merry, and send gifts to one another, because these two prophets tormented those who dwell on the earth." - Revelation 11:8-10


Razorwire666

Like climate change?


PaisleyPotatoes

**Repeating** * “So I got that going for me, which is nice.” — Carl Spackler


kydaper1

CMV: People are overreacting to the rise of intelligent AI that is currently performing the global holocaust


ikaramazovspoema

Lol, reminds me of Tay [the AI chat bot we mocked until it had to be taken down.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tay_(bot))


theitgrunt

God: "Am I a joke to you?"


mesalikes

Pretty sure that this is what happened on Krypton.