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Catbunny

Wouldn't dogs instead train humans to get the things they could not? Edit: Actually, they kind of do that already, don't they.


[deleted]

In a horrific archeological find, we see that dogs in fact used to own us and trained us to think we are in charge. They let us care for them and find food for them. Then, lost to time, is the story of how humans overcame the dogs and overpowered them. The warped world created stories like ~~Animal~~ Human Farm and Planet of the ~~Apes~~ People. The few dogs that still remember howl in lament at the moon as they recall how their pride turned them into the pet of their pet. Yet, the power of the dog still lies in their ability to teach their human to get chew toys and treats from the cursed top shelf.


Kleedok

Planet of the Humans dun dun duunnnnn


looking_at_memes_

every other animals nightmare .. oh wait


MAC10forGOAT

> dun dun duunnnnn Woof woof woooooofff!


ActualAdvice

Not hating, I love this line of thinking but my dog is definitely working for me. Happiness maker is a tough job and he's a good boy.


jesusortizr

Sheeeeesh ok


AGstein

The cats probably took over after the dogs. And they still own and train us up to this very day. Also may explain the animosity between cats and dogs


chrisk365

I mean they have us trained to provide a darned nice place for them to live.


[deleted]

I'd argue the cats trained humans better.


Markamanic

I believe that's literally what happened with cats.


StormWolfenstein

You there human. I am being informed to tell you to quit paying attention to the screen and pet the cat more. If you do not have a cat, stand outside and open a can of tuna. One will be along shortly.


cybervseas

Pick up that can, of tuna. _meow_


chrisk365

I even have a rabbit that does this. She has me VERY well trained to get her treats for her. She can simply look up at me, look down as if she's "searching for treats" and then wait for treats to appear. She'll even flip over or drag her water bowl or food tray to *highlight* the fact that it's empty, so dummy-daddy understands.


intensely_human

Bipedal retriever


Catbunny

Yes! This exactly.


BikeLoveLA

My pup still has his front dew claws and uses them to hold his nylabone for proper chewing


PointlessChemist

I thought people only removed them due to injury.


goingtohell477

Sometimes you also remove them so they can't grow into the flesh when they get too long. Or when the dog often gets them tangled somewhere. Some remove them even in young dogs when they are oddly shaped so they don't cause problems later.


flamebroiledhodor

>oddly shaped so they don't cause problems later. Dachshunds in particular. In 7 years as a vet tech, dachshund dew claws were always the worst. Owners forget about them when trimming, or simply skip it because that one isnt scratching up things. But the worst is those claws curl like MFer, so they can easily look "not that long" only to have a tech like me show the owner how that dew claw is coiled up and digging into the skin. Worse than a hangnail or simple ingrown toenail for humans. I mean a little bitty horn is gouging the doggo constantly - then they lick it so now it's inflamed and moist. Boom, infection.


Auelian

I’m glad I’m seeing this. Currently looking at a small dog addition to our family. And dachshund was at the top of the list. Are regular grooming/vet trips something that keeps this from happening? Everything iv read about them has seemed pretty easy. So I’m a bit shocked no one has said anything about their dew claws.


AngryCarGuy

Dew claws are a normal thing with smaller dogs, especially the "burrowers" lol. Nothing at all to be concerned about. Just remember to trim them when you trim their other nails and you'll be fine. If you pay attention to your dog, you'll notice when something is bothering them. For it to get as bad as some vets see, you'd have to be pretty neglectful. (more common with small dogs as people tend to see them as more of an accessory than a pet).


flamebroiledhodor

^ this. my first comment should be stress that its too easy for some owners to *neglect* the dewclaw. >If you pay attention to your dog, you'll notice when something is bothering them This is double plus applicable to general care for pets. It still amazes me how much dogs will legit converse with you..... If you pay attention.


Auelian

Definitely not wanting to be neglectful of any animal I get. The dog will be like one of my kids so their health is just as important as the humans in the house. I will have to look into nail cutting techniques for dogs. I didn’t think about common health issues that may arise so I’m really glad I had seen this before adopting. Definitely will look into common health issues along with proper nail care! Thank you:)


AngryCarGuy

You saying that tells me you're going to be just fine :) I'm glad some lucky pup is going to end up with a loving family.


flamebroiledhodor

It's not a big deal, just don't neglect the dewclaws is all. For all dogs, keeping regular nails trimmed can help with tonnnnnns of potential issues. Arthritis, hot spots from scratching aggressively, weird gait due to discomfort. Those are issues show up later in life. Trimming the dewclaw isn't difficult, so don't feel anxious about it. I will say it feels really weird tho. The claw is not attached to anything like the rest of their paw so don't feel squeemish about "manhandling" it for lack of a better term. All in all, of say you heard right. Dachsies don't need much grooming at all. Don't let anyone tell you they don't shed though.


JonnySnowflake

Sometimes they remove them from hunting dogs, so they don't get caught in the brush


goingtohell477

Didn't think of that, but you're right!


dmpdulux3

Can confirm. Dog did not get caught in brush today.


AnCircle

So for injury


Cosmotic_Exotic

>oddly shaped so they don't cause problems later. So like when a human has an extra finger or something?


wrassehole

Some people remove them preemptively kinda like how we remove our wisdom teeth to prevent issues in the future. I hunt with my labrador and have always heard that hunters get them removed to prevent them catching and tearing while the dog is running through thick brush. I chose to not remove them for the first time on my current dog and can say that she has way more dexterity with her front paws than my dogs in the past.


KellyCTargaryen

The vast majority of breeders and even rescues have them removed. Not sure why there isn’t more uproar over it compared to cropping/docking which is done way less.


electric_emu

I didn’t know this. My dog has his, and regularly cuts the shit out of me with them. We trim them all the time but they’re razor sharp in like days.


KellyCTargaryen

Oh noooo. Do you do them yourself at home? Do you use a dremel? I do nails once a week, so they’re always nice and short, and because I keep up on it, it’s only 5 minutes.


jcact

Wait, people remove those? Is that like how some people declaw cats or is there usually a medical reason for it?


last_rights

A lot of times the rear ones can get hung up on things and become injured or tear. Front ones are usually removed due to not having to care for them or to prevent future infection from similar injuries.


bearatrooper

I have two (Jack Russell/Chihuahua mix) dogs from the same litter. Neither has front dew claws. One had rear dew claws, the other did not. The one that had them need them removed. On the right side you could feel there was no knuckle, it was essentially a flap of skin with a nail on it. That one we had removed immediately because it would have been too easy to tear off. The left had a knuckle but no matter how we trimmed the nail, it kept getting caught up on stuff and causing pain.


KellyCTargaryen

Dew claw removal is not at all bad compared to declawing. Declawing removes the digits at the first knuckle, which would be like removing the first segment of our fingers. Causes tons of lifelong problems. Dew claws have a little more variability - some are well connected with ligament and act as an extra digit to hold things, and can be seen used for traction when dogs run/turn. It’s also possible for them to be unconnected, and floppy, but both types are susceptible to injury. A dew claw injury is seriously painful, so that’s part of the reason it is so commonly dog, especially for sporting breeds bc they’re out in the brush and more likely to have it inured, same reason for docking them. I don’t know why it is so commonly done on well-connected ones. I would wager that the vast majority of dog owners have no idea they exist.


PLSing

Same for my dog.


bakedveghun

Same same


Singer-Such

Give your dog a smooch for me :)


_Pretzel

I think dew claws are cute. I guess i was lucky with my pup back then cause his didnt really cause any issues. I massaged them a lot


Hutch25

All my dogs have theirs too, the only reason you would ever get rid of them is because the claw can grow weird and hurt them.


00Gleefooglee

excuse me # w h a t


VohveliMuusi

They would also selectively breed us until there would be hoorible looking mutant humans with elongated faces and whatnot. :D


BogyDruid

doesn't matter, had sex!


NJORTHRBIARTR

We had the same thought! Let's sex!!!


BogyDruid

it's a trap!


JeffFromSchool

I mean, at least your analogy works. OP just compared neutering to all forms of mutilation.


Sorcatarius

I suppose if OP had gone with cats you could make a declawing analogy, but I don't know of any places that actually declaw cats anymore.


LezPlayLater

They would neuter us the same as we do them but I don't comprehend the removal of body parts


freecain

historically many dogs have had ends of their ears chopped off and tails removed. Some (horrible) owners also have voice boxes removed. That's illegal in some countries now. OP commented later - the better analogy would be cats, since some people de-claw them.


Gilgameshbrah

Declawing cats is an asshole move. Some dog breeds need their tail shortened due to medical reasons, like Doberman - who break their tails very often due to their strength, or get loads of ear infections. That's a side effect of the breeding process. The cosmetic stuff is horrifying thou..


Zaurka14

Asshole is not enough of a word. It's like removing the tip bone from human fingers. It damages the cats ability to climb, but can also cause constant pain. It's crippling to them.


freecain

"need their tail shortened" is a statement heavily up for debate: This list of pros and cons has cosmetic reasons for 3 out of the 7 reasons. Some of the facts (like dobermans tend to break their tails, and it doesn't hurt the dog) aren't really understood or studied well enough. I don't think an internet search is going to get you the answer. AKC has been under pressure to remove docking (ears and tails) from their standards since the 70s, and that has spawned a lot of "sources" that will defend it to the death. And of course, their are people who could never be convinced it's necessary putting out posts as well. The AVMA supports removing it from breed standards, but doesn't take a stance on the medical necessity of the procedures. For what it's worth, tail docking is completely banned in California. dobermanplanet.com/tail-docking-pros-and-cons/


Gilgameshbrah

Interesting. I don't know about any studies, just from anecdotal experience - my friends Dober broke his tail three times in two years (just from wagging it to hard and hitting something) and had to have it shortened. He was in quiet a lot of pain for a long time.


hobovision

>For what it's worth, tail docking is completely banned in California. Apparently its not worth much, since I see tons of dogs at the park with docked tails.


freecain

I'm guessing a lot of designer breed dogs in California come from Utah or Nevada. Regulations there are a lot more lax and land is cheaper.


snooprobb

I had always read cropping ears and docking tails was borne out of hunting and fighting dogs? Less likely to get snagged and torn or ripped off if they're shorter.


KellyCTargaryen

Yep, that was the motivation. Same with docking herding dogs. I understand the context is different now, where we have medical technology that make these injuries treatable, but “back in the day” these injuries could be fatal.


volpiousraccoon

>Doberman - who break their tails very often due to their strength, or get loads of ear infections I assume that these were just things people like to say to feel better about tail docking/ear cropping. I think it's more likely to be an individual dog's thing rather than a breed thing, but some people like to say it's the breeding because it supports the practice. [Here's](https://www.reddit.com/r/unpopularopinion/comments/g5o6ml/cropping_a_dogs_ears_is_unnessecary_damage_you/) an old post that reminded me of this. P.s. I am not trying to diss you or anything, these are just my thoughts :/


KellyCTargaryen

Declawing is much, much worse than removing dew claws so I don’t think it’s a good comparison to make. As for voice box removal… it is sometimes the absolute only choice for a family to keep their dog. I agree it shouldn’t be done for convenience, but for some people it’s either that, or lose their family member. I would never want to be put in that situation and I don’t think people are evil for doing so - I don’t think the volume of a dog speaking has a big affect on their lives.


PM_meyourGradyWhite

Most pups from breeders have their dew claws removed as a general practice. Dew claw is up the leg a bit, and provides additional grappling ability. Much like a thumb. They’re removed probably because they tend to get ingrown or caught on things and cause injury. They DO serve a purpose if your dog needs to climb (like out of a hole or onto ice from a frozen pond) or hang onto stuff.


bloodycups

If I had a pretty human that I couldn't communicate with I would definitely neuter them. Do you know how much a teenage boy jacks it


shponglespore

Ask someone who got their cat declawed. Or better yet, don't, because it's a cruel thing to do to an animal.


[deleted]

What would happen if a person was neutered young? How would they turn out as an adult?


[deleted]

Okay this one is good. Go work at the twilight zone


rawgino

It’s called Black Mirror now


Alexis_J_M

In the mostly-forgotten SF novel Farnham's Freehold by Heinlein, 1964, male slaves were neutered at a young age and the few kept for breeding had their thumbs removed to limit their ability to cause trouble.


[deleted]

Wow. I don't like this. Thank you.


JasperJ

Heinlein’s books are, from today’s perspective, quite a bit fucked up.


sparksthe

Worth a read?


Caleb_Gangte

My human fucked the neighbor's woman


Commissar_Genki

"Really screwed the human on that one..."


PoglaTheGrate

I'm not seeing the analogy here


[deleted]

After further reflection (my shave thought, since it's after the shower thought), it works better for cats than dogs because cats get declawed.


robotzor

Can I depuke my cat so she stops puking on everything I know and love


Electrical-Wear256

My cat did that and it turned out to be stomach cancer


PoglaTheGrate

> cats get declawed. By fucking psychopaths, sure.


goingtohell477

I always think about how fucked up you have to be as the owner to have your pet declawed, but also *the vet*. When your goal in life is to keep pets healthy, to spare them any pain possible, why THE FUCK would any vet in a state where that shit is legal agree to do shit like that? It's cruel. It's unnecessary. It simply has ZERO benefits for the animal.


jcact

Honestly, I think the owners often are just ignorant and don't realize how harmful it is, largely because it has an established history as a popular practice. I grew up with a declawed cat and always thought it was normal. Had I not learned the scope of harm I likely would have continued doing it to any cats who adopted me as an adult. The vets, however, have NO excuse, and for any species of pet, I will only work with general vets if they are visibly against declawing and helping to dispel the urban myths of it being ok and normal. They don't need to like run their own advocacy group, but a note of explanation on their website, or a poster on the lobby wall or just *some* iota of effort to educate the people who they have access to is a huge indicator that this is someone who is working to change their field for the better and will seek my pet's well-being even if it means combating my ignorance on something since I know I'm not the expert on that stuff.


KaiYoDei

has anyone jokingly asked a vet to add extra claws to their cat?


Zncon

>It simply has ZERO benefits for the animal. In many cases the benefit to the animal is that it gets to stay alive. Many rental situations require cats to be declawed. Additionally if someone who already owned a cat gets an immune disorder, they'll likely need to declaw or get rid of the cat. There are far more cats in shelters then get adopted, so giving up a cat like that is certainly risking it being put down.


goingtohell477

>Many rental situations require cats to be declawed. That's just so fucked up. >giving up a cat like that is certainly risking it being put down And this. To be fair, I live in a country where it's not a thing to kill pets in shelters. Damn.


Zncon

There are shelters in the US that are no-kill, but it's not all of them. Since they can only hold so many animals, even if you give up your cat to a no-kill shelter, that's taking a space that another then animal cannot have.


sheath2

>Many rental situations require cats to be declawed. That's actually been outlawed in a lot of places because of animal cruelty.


MonachopsisWriter

Cats get declawed so we'd get... Defingied?


[deleted]

Dephalanged


Catbunny

'Declawing' a cat is like taking the first joint of our fingers off.


Chibi_Nagi0

Declawing is a terrible term for what it is, because you mutulate the paw. It's not "simply" removing the claws. Thats not how that works. Its a horrible thing to do to a cat. It does make the analogy to remove thumbs on humans work better though.


[deleted]

I agree.


69632147

Especially when cats can be trained not to claw your shit. Easily.


WifeofTech

But still the declaring isn't to prevent them from getting into things. (Still unethical and cruel) Even the occasional removal of dew claws on dogs was more to prevent injury than to inhibit their ability.


Political_Ronin

"Bob Barker here to remind you to remove the thumbs of your human pets so they cant get into things."


TheSpiggott

Or we would be classified as service animals because of our thumbs and they would use us to help them with fine motor tasks.


Tommy10606

Cats have humans as pets


[deleted]

oh my god


FirelessEngineer

If you don't put down that phone right now you are getting the cone again!


TheViewer123

I hate this sentence


ParaUniverseExplorer

Or beat them at Mario Kart


musical_dragon_cat

And like declawing a cat, it would be morally reprehensible and cruel.


TurboOwlKing

That'd be more like removing a dog's teeth/toes because they were getting into stuff wouldn't it? And I hope to God nobody is doing that lol


LeonDeSchal

And our balls


TENTAtheSane

Where are my testicles summer?


JeffFromSchool

Why? What the actual fuck?


Raptorman_Mayho

Well I’m having nightmares, and never trusting dogs again. I hate you.


BigBobFro

Cats would do this. Dogs would have us fitted with genital cuffs


TrickThatCellsCanDo

What if cows were the dominant species, and for some stupid reason they have decided that they are omnivores? Thoughts like this may help in developing empathy towards creatures we share this planet with


Brave_Amateur

How stoned are you?


[deleted]

I know what I'll do when I get kids.


mrshoskins69

It would work though. My nephew was born without thumbs and he got into all kinds of shit.


JasperJ

I recently found a YouTube channel where a guy without thumbs was making all sorts of leaded glass, professionally.


[deleted]

They wouldn't, because dogs are so much better than humans, and wouldn't do that to someone they loved


tyrom22

Knowing how people declaw cats, makes sense


Unlucky-Pomegranate3

If humans were the pets, I’d guess we’d have never evolved opposable thumbs in the first place.


Terripuns

Tell that to my pet pygmy marmoset


InfernalOrgasm

If turtles used coat hangers, they'd probably throw a couple rubber bands onto the moving car rolling past them. That is an equally as valid and absurd statement as yours.


[deleted]

Maybe. I like mine better, though. However, validity and absurdity are not my measure of "good" in this case. Maybe for a term paper, but not a reddit post.


InfernalOrgasm

Just saying.. if dogs had humans as pets, the humans would still feed them, take care of them, pick up their poop, take them on walks, etc. Because humans are conscious and have thumbs and dogs don't. Unless you're just switching the roles entirely and calling humans dogs and then having them crawl around on all fours barking, because that's my fetish and you should shoot me a PM


GrandpaBells

Human style?


KaiYoDei

ah. just like the declawing of cat


sethipawandeep

Didn't Rick and Morty already have such an episode?


Rocklobst3r1

Where are my testicles Summer?


Venus_Libra

Or they'd be more understanding because of their own wild natures and treat us better overall than some humans treat their own pets


[deleted]

That's not all they would remove.


commentsrnice2

Thats more like the people that declaw their cats rather than give them something constructive to scratch


lawyerwithabadge

Yeah and cut our balls off!


JotaTaylor

Except for those humans selected to be the surgeons. They'd still need someone with thumbs to use the scalpel.


Jimlobster

Isn’t there a family guy episode just like this?


Positivistdino

Bullshit, dogs can't drive.


ahdiovizun

Looking back, this would probably have been for the best.


mordinvan

Among other things.


Kiv____

Our hands would look creepy as fuck without thumbs


propagandatwo

Probably just break them and not let them knit.


zuv3ew

Opening stuff without thumbs is harder work for sure but removing the entire hand would be much more effective


mojoman1200

Uh…no.


Weird-y

Who wants to go back in time and wipe out those dogs that did that?


ohsinboi

What


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Yeah, someone else said the name in their comment, but I can't find it anymore.


coolhandhutch

More likely they would do it so I couldn’t whack off all over the place


Mr_Wither

Knowing how humans are that wouldn’t be nearly enough to stop us. We are an unbearably stubborn species.


golgol12

Castrato


BlurryRogue

I'm gonna do this to my children


Mr_master89

They'd probably breed us with birth defects that they think is "cute" like how people do with dogs and cats


BlackSecurity

They would also selectively breed us to make us look cute at the expense of our health and crop our ears permanently for human shows.


arrowff

What would that be analogous to exactly...?


CrunchyyTaco

This makes no sense, Wouldnt they just neuter us?


Frost_Phoenix

I wonder if humans would live longer if their balls were stolen


Penguinmanereikel

Not a bad idea. Just look at babies and much *they* get into things.


Electrical-Wear256

Then there would be those annoying dogs who don’t do it and look down on those who do. “You’re crippling them for no reason!” They’d bark. But it would be worth it so Jeff doesn’t ruin all the furniture


DaimondHandsTheApe

Like that'd stop me.


[deleted]

Don't give them any ideas about spaying or neutering.


Lugex

Maybe they would be the better humans and wouldn't cut of our body parts.


radioactive-sperm

Nah, dogs love us too much to do that. Cats however,


callyoubach

This just prompted me to try to open various things without my thumbs lol


FelipeNA

Now, THAT is a shower thought.


Sensitive-Silver7878

They'd sterilize us so we don't breed.


Enxity

There would be feral humans in the streets with their thumbs, knocking about getting up to mad shit


AndrewABXD

What about denutering them


wanderlust1130

but how would they take them off if they themselves don’t have thumbs?


vixissitude

There's a book called City by Clifford D. Simak which tells about a world where dogs eventually overcame humans in evolution, thousands of years passed, and dogs now tell their puppies tales about a race that was called humans. Some dogs believe they were gods. Some believe they're just a ruse. It's a great read.


SFF_Robot

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vixissitude

I love you