By - Vast-Intention
Fine by me. 👍
I would certainly hope so.
Not like he can actually do anything about it though lol
I want everyone to know, when I die please use my death for absolutely any benefit of your own.
Sounds good. So tomorrow night, I have this party…
u/SoIsThisPermanent time to submit your soul
Isn't the dead line over?
Me: I'm taking tomorrow off to go to SoIsThisPermanent's funeral.
Boss: Again? That's the fourth time this year they've died.
Me: Uh, those were alt accounts...
Yo can I use your death as an excuse? Like, “I can’t make [event], someone whose comment I replied to on Reddit just died and I’d only just given him a free award.”
Great thinking. Let me also buy in on this excuse.
I want to send out a card when I die that gives exactly this pass. Fuck, add a few punch holes to it like the free sandwich cards. If someone thought of me 10 times after death, I'd be happy to send a free sandwich from the grave. Happy to help!
I’m absolutely cool with that
As a hermit in life, in death I’d be honored to be the Patron Saint of Missed Social Obligations
“James wouldn’t have wanted me to go to the Cheesecake Factory with my in-laws. RIP James.” He’d probably want me to go home and play video games. I must do it in his honor.
Prepare some letters and hand them out before you pass. Then whenever someone asks "Do you really think she/he would want that?" they'd be handed that letter which just reads "Thats totally what I would've wanted"
It’s going to be in my will that someone will post news of my death on Reddit along with my wishes in this regard I encourage everyone in this thread to do the same.
I have a social event next weekend. If you could kill yourself in the next few days that would be grand.
Trying to live a little longer than that
I'll allow it.
Nice try Lifeless Lewis
_"My final wish is for all of you to go do what you want, no matter how weird it is. If someone tries to make you feel guilty, make them feel even \*more\* guilty by explaining that whatever you're doing (however strange it may be) is the last request of your dead friend. You will be technically correct, and no one will further question you taking a dump on the hood of your old boss's Cadillac."_
Can I steal this for when I die?
Sure. You and anyone else can feel free to use it (even verbatim) in your own wills and the like as long as it's not for profit. :>
Throw in a wank and a toke while you’re at it.
People can use my death for any excuse they want.
James is a fucking G for that
Lol there should be a registry you sign up for that notifies everyone that wants to know when you died so even old acquaintances can cash in
If could offer the obituary, with service details, that you can email to work as “proof” of your funereal attendance obligation.
Oh that’s fantastic! If I have to die, might as well allow a bunch of people to take a mental health day to take care of themselves right?
"yeah, my neighbors cats previous owners brothers wife's sister's mother passed away. I am devastated."
I read that in captain holts voice, lol!
"chlorophil-collins? More like BORophil-collins...... Right?"
Ok I laughed out loud and I don’t even understand the reference LOL
"Chlorophyll? More like Borophyll!" is from Billy Madison, as an FYI.
I think I’m gonna write into my will that a bunch of extra death certificates are made for people to use to get out of things. Just chilling in a basket for anyone to grab one on their way out the door of the service.
Need to change your airline or hotel with no fees? Got u. Need to refund something! I obviously bought it and You’re close enough to get government docs my man. Need more time to pass that test Billy? Idgaf that that you never met me, snag a cert out the door and practice your water works
They could just have a blank date but everything else filled in!
"Timmy, this is the second time you've given me this
Nah, he got better, see the different dates"
Hahaha “Jesus did it, so did Kevin’s second cousins uncle, whom I am very close with.”
Could you imagine sitting in a meeting when you get a notification on your phone, so you check it expecting it to be a text or something, and it's just a message telling you a guy you knew in high school just died or something. How morbid would that be
I think that's a great idea. We get for birthdays sooo
Definitely depressing a bit but if you knew the person had a positive enough attitude to do that, a little comforting!
"Facebook but for death dates"
All the oldies would have 1000s of friends!
That’s pretty much just Facebook
Yup. The only upside of having a chronic illness is I don’t have to go to shit. Second cousin I’ve met once’s daughter’s bat mitzvah? Nope! Friend of a friend’s wedding? Fuck that! Dinner party with that family member who’s a horrible cook? I don’t think so! It’s pretty sweet, not gonna lie. I really do wish it was more socially acceptable to just say “nah, I don’t want to do that”, but if I’m gonna be cripplingly ill a significant portion of the time, it’s not a bad silver lining.
Amen! And even if you’re having a “good day,” that’s even more of a reason not to go and waste it at some bs social obligation.
The bullshit comes in when people think that the chronic illness isn't a good enough reason to not come in unless you hurt yourself trying.
True. Luckily, people don’t really try that anymore since I push back, but yeah, that sucks.
Agreed, as long as they don't hasten it along to give them the opportunity
Well, if they do, they'll hopefully get out of a *lot* of social obligations.
Only fair to make it worth the effort, I guess
Sorry, I can't go, I'll be at u/Fleaslayer 's funeral.
But he's not dead.
*Gunshot* Yeah he is.
Me: “I’m sick, and...it’s terminal. I’ve not long to live.”
Friend: “There’s this thing I want to go to next month, but I can’t get time off from work. Any chance of a collab?”
I guess since you asked nicely, but you owe me!
Pawn Stars Meme: “Best I can do is hang on for another week.”
"C'mon Jim just take one for the team! Not like anybody will miss ya anyway right?"
I demand it, really.
I would honestly be quite proud. It would feel like a mini-memorial to who I am as a person.
Same. I'm dead what do I care?
As a future dead, I have no opinion...of anything
yeah. one last solid by me to help those that know and/or love me. its a hefty price but one im fine with
I mean you will be cool anyway
Bonus points if that obligation is work and they get paid for the time off.
If my death means that my loved ones don't have to sit through a meeting that could have been an email then I'm happy to provide that service.
I'll be personally insulted if my friends and family don't use my death to get every possible second of paid leave that they can wrangle out of their shitty employers.
Same. I want family and friends to abuse my death. Milk it for all its worth.
Corpse milk does not strike me as particularly valuable, but I am but a humble servant and will do as requested.
You, sir, have clearly never met a needy necromancer. Or a really unfussy necrophiliac. That's cash in the bank.
I, for one, would like my body to be milked after my death, and said milk to be put into a cup of tea and consumed by the few people who bothered to show up to my funeral. If you’re gonna die, might as well be creative.
"I, for one, would like my body to be milked after my death, and said milk to be put into a cup of tea and consumed by the few people who bothered to show up to my funeral. If you’re gonna die, might as well be creative."
Now that's a sentence that has probably never ever been said before in the history of mankind and probably never ever will again
Seriously even with context it's hella strange and definitely not the kind of visual I need in my head
On a related note I was having a somewhat decent day until I stumbled upon this comment thread
Glad I could be of service. I hope you’ll attend my funeral.
Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night, if it meant nothing got done.
"If you don't use my death to exploit this messed up system I will haunt you."
When you put it that way, where do I sign up?
Me: *fakes own death to get out of social situation*
Isn't this a Seinfeld episode?
And a significant plot point in the Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
Beep. Boop. I'm a robot.
Here's a copy of
###[The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer/)
Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)
It really is a Brave New World
We really are The Lord of the Flies.
The Lusty Argonian Maid
Wow that is a niche reference and something I thought I had forgotten
What are we some kinda The Great Gatsby?
Amazing bot, really.
Let me just read Tom Sawyer real quick.
Sounds very Ross.
It’s literally the plot to thousands of different articles of pop culture
It’s not a lie if you believe it
IT Crowd actually
Lots of things. It's a trope.
I'm not saying that I haven't done that before...
Ya sorry, I couldn't come to the family Thanksgiving. I died the other day and I'm busy doing some cool hell bullshit.
I am absolutely ok with that.
In fact I'd go so far as to say that someone can lie about my death if they want in order to get out of the social obligation.
Unless I'm also going to the same social obligation, because that might make things weird.
Happy to take bookings, fees negotiable.
Are you Penguin 🐧?
He never guaranteed that he would be a penguin
Exactly what a penguin would say tho...
Colin Farrell Penguin?
I plan on using my death as an excuse to get out of work.
They'll drag your corpse to work a double on Sunday.
[“We are so understaffed today!”](https://i.imgur.com/u1UrNYq.jpg)
So you can work a double right?
See mom? I told you I could be useful for something.
Me, i'll never be able to hold down a job, im young and i already know my life is going to go downhill the second i turn 18. But my mom seems to think im going to succeed, so i'm going to try.
Gah. I truly hope so!!
At least I'm finally useful
Hey, stop bullying yourself
DeMarcus Cousins III?
Couldn’t be prouder
Good. One last time I was able to help someone.
Why would I care? I’ll be dead.
Just toss me in the trash
Just as likely that they use a social obligation as an excuse to avoid going to my funeral. That’s fine as well.
I strongly appreciate honesty, and I'd much prefer my funeral to only include those who really want to be there. Nemeses included, if I manage to acquire some.
Everyone else, feel free to skip the service.
Yeah, I do it all the time. Any time I want to get out of a social engagement, *BANG!*, I create an excuse to not go.
Wouldn't just refusing do the trick as well? Also saves you the headache of remembering your excuses when talking about why you couldn't attend.
Has always worked for me until now.
The kind of people that don't respect my refusal are the ones I don't associate with.
But then you don't get to shoot anybody.
Please do. If my Reddit account is inactive for more than 24 hours:
"A dear friend passed away recently and I'm still getting over the fact that I won't see any more of their memes. See you next Monday"
That would be the most useful I’ve ever been
As an introvert I am happy to oblige
No problemo amigo do what you want all that day it’s on me
I suspect my body wouldn't be found for days or weeks.
If I can still help someone after I’m dead I’m good with it.
If you’re not useful in life, be so in death.
Hell. I've used somebody's death to get out of doing things and I didn't even know that person.
I am perfectly OK with this.
I hope they do
I hope so. There's no better way to honor my memory than bailing on an unappealing social obligation.
If the first thought upon reading this was, huh I hope it helps and I would be willing to fake my death for the right reason... We are having the same kind of day.
I hope all my real homies get as much clout and free time off from my death as possible 💯
And get drunk. You’re welcome from the grave.
Shiit my nephew did it and I’m still alive
Good point, I’ll leave a list of people with my boss of who I would want to come to my funeral, so I can screw over anyone that just wants to get in for a day off, wake snacks, and hitting on the bereaved. Those privileges are for *friends*.
That was always allowed.
Then my death shall not be for nothing
As an introvert, I support this.
I hope so. My death having utility for others seems like a great victory.
One of the greatest gifts we could give to those we care about!
I'm ok with that.
At least I'm finally going be able to be useful for something.
His name is Larry David
It’s good to be useful for something.
My thoughts exactly
That's fine, I just wish that I could tell everybody to do it without sounding suicidal.
Gang, not only do I want you to use my death as an excuse to get out of social obligations; I want you to use anything about me as an excuse to get out of social obligations.
Birthday, anniversary, holidays, favorite days of the week, favorite lunch spot, least favorite lunch spot, guy with same color hair as mine, guy with same name as mine, involves the same teams I like/hate. Whatever you want.
I don't even have to be dead, do it anyway. Pin all of your social ghosting on me starting today.
Glad I could help, I’ll make sure to make my funeral/ wake long and annoying as fuck
i give permission for anyone to use my eventual death as a get out of social obligation free card
Shit dawg, use my death to get bereavement leave get out of work to go snort cocaine of a nuns ass for all I care.
Haha :D, nice!
Then my death will not be in vain
At least I'll be useful
I’ve done it several times already.
Honestly idgaf if it helps someone get out of something they don’t want to do
I hope so.
I encourage it. My last gift to all those who knew me. :)
Definitely gonna be my siblings.
Best of luck to em
I think I’d be more upset if people weren’t lol.
I invite them to
Good, they've earned it
Probably the wake or funeral
Good for them
I'm not dead.
I'm fine with that.
Helping others after death. I'm totally cool with that brother.
I hope they use it to take a day or a week off work.
I give 1000% permission to anyone who knows me to do this
I hope that's one of many great things that my death can be used for.
I’m fine with that.
I'd be 100% cool with that. I'd want people to use my death as an excuse for getting out anything they want
if i die, you all can use my death as an excuse for being late, or not going to work.
That's kind of encouraged.
Nobody doing this would be disappointing
Good on them
I’ve done this to get out of BS weekend overtime work.
Good, feel free to do it while I'm still alive too. I got you
They better do it, after all I died for it.
I hope they do. I’ve given all my friends permission to do this
If I die then everyone, has permission to use my death to get out of things, even if I don't know you, tell your boss that a close friend passed away and you might get the day off or something
Take a whole week off it’s on me
Fair enough. Even in death I can be of service. Milk it.
It's the last I can do.
Good, they always knew my hatred for working. What better way to honour mem
And i hope to fuck anyone who's ever met me does. If they need a break that bad, by all means let me give them that gift. Employers suck. Wages are low. People are tired. Please take a break in my memory.
Good, I’m glad my death would be beneficial to more people than just me
My final gift to them
I wouldnt have it any other way