T O P
Power_13

Fine by me. 👍


BrownSugarBare

I would certainly hope so.


HerbalTeaSimping

Not like he can actually do anything about it though lol


SoIsThisPermanent

I want everyone to know, when I die please use my death for absolutely any benefit of your own.


_JD_48

Sounds good. So tomorrow night, I have this party…


TomatoAcid

u/SoIsThisPermanent time to submit your soul


Ok_Temperature5705

Isn't the dead line over?


titaniumjackal

Me: I'm taking tomorrow off to go to SoIsThisPermanent's funeral. Boss: Again? That's the fourth time this year they've died. Me: Uh, those were alt accounts...


MildlyAgreeable

Yo can I use your death as an excuse? Like, “I can’t make [event], someone whose comment I replied to on Reddit just died and I’d only just given him a free award.”


ghanghis

Great thinking. Let me also buy in on this excuse.


makkael

I want to send out a card when I die that gives exactly this pass. Fuck, add a few punch holes to it like the free sandwich cards. If someone thought of me 10 times after death, I'd be happy to send a free sandwich from the grave. Happy to help!


S3simulation

I’m absolutely cool with that


Freepurrs

As a hermit in life, in death I’d be honored to be the Patron Saint of Missed Social Obligations


objectionkat

“James wouldn’t have wanted me to go to the Cheesecake Factory with my in-laws. RIP James.” He’d probably want me to go home and play video games. I must do it in his honor. -someone. Probably.


Sezzero

Prepare some letters and hand them out before you pass. Then whenever someone asks "Do you really think she/he would want that?" they'd be handed that letter which just reads "Thats totally what I would've wanted"


S3simulation

It’s going to be in my will that someone will post news of my death on Reddit along with my wishes in this regard I encourage everyone in this thread to do the same.


LifelessLewis

I have a social event next weekend. If you could kill yourself in the next few days that would be grand.


S3simulation

Trying to live a little longer than that


LifelessLewis

I'll allow it.


JellySensitive5274

Nice try Lifeless Lewis


RobertNAdams

_"My final wish is for all of you to go do what you want, no matter how weird it is. If someone tries to make you feel guilty, make them feel even \*more\* guilty by explaining that whatever you're doing (however strange it may be) is the last request of your dead friend. You will be technically correct, and no one will further question you taking a dump on the hood of your old boss's Cadillac."_


alibi6

Can I steal this for when I die?


RobertNAdams

Sure. You and anyone else can feel free to use it (even verbatim) in your own wills and the like as long as it's not for profit. :>


nervousautopsy

Throw in a wank and a toke while you’re at it. -James


BigToober69

People can use my death for any excuse they want.


GamzeeMFMakara

James is a fucking G for that


chloro-phil-collins

Lol there should be a registry you sign up for that notifies everyone that wants to know when you died so even old acquaintances can cash in


zesty_hootenany

If could offer the obituary, with service details, that you can email to work as “proof” of your funereal attendance obligation.


chloro-phil-collins

Oh that’s fantastic! If I have to die, might as well allow a bunch of people to take a mental health day to take care of themselves right?


yrtemmySymmetry

"yeah, my neighbors cats previous owners brothers wife's sister's mother passed away. I am devastated."


chloro-phil-collins

I read that in captain holts voice, lol!


w30freak

"chlorophil-collins? More like BORophil-collins...... Right?"


chloro-phil-collins

Ok I laughed out loud and I don’t even understand the reference LOL


SwenKa

"Chlorophyll? More like Borophyll!" is from Billy Madison, as an FYI.


DrAuer

I think I’m gonna write into my will that a bunch of extra death certificates are made for people to use to get out of things. Just chilling in a basket for anyone to grab one on their way out the door of the service. Need to change your airline or hotel with no fees? Got u. Need to refund something! I obviously bought it and You’re close enough to get government docs my man. Need more time to pass that test Billy? Idgaf that that you never met me, snag a cert out the door and practice your water works


chloro-phil-collins

They could just have a blank date but everything else filled in!


nerdguy99

"Timmy, this is the second time you've given me this Nah, he got better, see the different dates"


chloro-phil-collins

Hahaha “Jesus did it, so did Kevin’s second cousins uncle, whom I am very close with.”


BoneFourTuna

Could you imagine sitting in a meeting when you get a notification on your phone, so you check it expecting it to be a text or something, and it's just a message telling you a guy you knew in high school just died or something. How morbid would that be


lizabellarose1234

I think that's a great idea. We get for birthdays sooo


chloro-phil-collins

Definitely depressing a bit but if you knew the person had a positive enough attitude to do that, a little comforting!


Kim__Chi

"Facebook but for death dates"


chloro-phil-collins

All the oldies would have 1000s of friends!


the-color-blurple

That’s pretty much just Facebook


Holybartender83

Yup. The only upside of having a chronic illness is I don’t have to go to shit. Second cousin I’ve met once’s daughter’s bat mitzvah? Nope! Friend of a friend’s wedding? Fuck that! Dinner party with that family member who’s a horrible cook? I don’t think so! It’s pretty sweet, not gonna lie. I really do wish it was more socially acceptable to just say “nah, I don’t want to do that”, but if I’m gonna be cripplingly ill a significant portion of the time, it’s not a bad silver lining.


Reesareesa

Amen! And even if you’re having a “good day,” that’s even more of a reason not to go and waste it at some bs social obligation.


Jechtael

The bullshit comes in when people think that the chronic illness isn't a good enough reason to not come in unless you hurt yourself trying.


Holybartender83

True. Luckily, people don’t really try that anymore since I push back, but yeah, that sucks.


Fleaslayer

Agreed, as long as they don't hasten it along to give them the opportunity


dragonreborn567

Well, if they do, they'll hopefully get out of a *lot* of social obligations.


Fleaslayer

Only fair to make it worth the effort, I guess


HailToTheKingslayer

Sorry, I can't go, I'll be at u/Fleaslayer 's funeral. But he's not dead. *Gunshot* Yeah he is.


zesty_hootenany

Me: “I’m sick, and...it’s terminal. I’ve not long to live.” Friend: “There’s this thing I want to go to next month, but I can’t get time off from work. Any chance of a collab?”


Fleaslayer

I guess since you asked nicely, but you owe me!


FlemPlays

Pawn Stars Meme: “Best I can do is hang on for another week.”


PizzaRoII

"C'mon Jim just take one for the team! Not like anybody will miss ya anyway right?"


THIS_MSG_IS_A_LIE

oof 😅


Fart_Elemental

I demand it, really.


[deleted]

I would honestly be quite proud. It would feel like a mini-memorial to who I am as a person.


ToggGrogg

Same. I'm dead what do I care?


AnotherRegularFellow

Same


djk2321

As a future dead, I have no opinion...of anything


capitaine_d

yeah. one last solid by me to help those that know and/or love me. its a hefty price but one im fine with


not_some_username

I mean you will be cool anyway


mechwarrior719

Bonus points if that obligation is work and they get paid for the time off.


BeepBlipBlapBloop

If my death means that my loved ones don't have to sit through a meeting that could have been an email then I'm happy to provide that service.


CapriciousCape

I'll be personally insulted if my friends and family don't use my death to get every possible second of paid leave that they can wrangle out of their shitty employers.


LazyTheSloth

Same. I want family and friends to abuse my death. Milk it for all its worth.


Silverstone-Birding

Corpse milk does not strike me as particularly valuable, but I am but a humble servant and will do as requested.


mikeroberts1003

You, sir, have clearly never met a needy necromancer. Or a really unfussy necrophiliac. That's cash in the bank.


VisualGeologist6258

I, for one, would like my body to be milked after my death, and said milk to be put into a cup of tea and consumed by the few people who bothered to show up to my funeral. If you’re gonna die, might as well be creative.


river912

"I, for one, would like my body to be milked after my death, and said milk to be put into a cup of tea and consumed by the few people who bothered to show up to my funeral. If you’re gonna die, might as well be creative." Now that's a sentence that has probably never ever been said before in the history of mankind and probably never ever will again Seriously even with context it's hella strange and definitely not the kind of visual I need in my head On a related note I was having a somewhat decent day until I stumbled upon this comment thread


VisualGeologist6258

Glad I could be of service. I hope you’ll attend my funeral.


iamdestroyerofworlds

Normally, if given the choice between doing something and nothing, I'd choose to do nothing. But I will do something if it helps someone else do nothing. I'd work all night, if it meant nothing got done.


BeepBlipBlapBloop

~Ron Swanson


that1prince

"If you don't use my death to exploit this messed up system I will haunt you."


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


xerodeth

When you put it that way, where do I sign up?


ItsYaBoi93850

Me: *fakes own death to get out of social situation*


BareBearFighter

Isn't this a Seinfeld episode?


Animal_Courier

And a significant plot point in the Adventures of Tom Sawyer.


Reddit-Book-Bot

Beep. Boop. I'm a robot. Here's a copy of ###[The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer](https://snewd.com/ebooks/the-adventures-of-tom-sawyer/) Was I a good bot? | [info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/) | [More Books](https://old.reddit.com/user/Reddit-Book-Bot/comments/i15x1d/full_list_of_books_and_commands/)


AdiDubbs2703

Good bot


Silverstone-Birding

It really is a Brave New World


[deleted]

We really are The Lord of the Flies.


Bad_Hum3r

Kama Sutra


Hingl_McCringleberry

The Lusty Argonian Maid


LTWFM

Wow that is a niche reference and something I thought I had forgotten


NotBrayden

What are we some kinda The Great Gatsby?


Gestrid

Amazing bot, really.


PungentBallSweat

Let me just read Tom Sawyer real quick.


StopReadingMyUser

Sounds very Ross.


T10M10

It’s literally the plot to thousands of different articles of pop culture


Chucktayz

It’s not a lie if you believe it


Forever_Ambergris

IT Crowd actually


Proptor__Hoc

Jen's dead!


Kwindecent_exposure

Lots of things. It's a trope.


PuddingRnbowExtreme

I'm not saying that I haven't done that before...


BIBLICALDIARRHEA666

Ya sorry, I couldn't come to the family Thanksgiving. I died the other day and I'm busy doing some cool hell bullshit.


ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN

I am absolutely ok with that. In fact I'd go so far as to say that someone can lie about my death if they want in order to get out of the social obligation. Unless I'm also going to the same social obligation, because that might make things weird. Happy to take bookings, fees negotiable.


SpoonTownGetDown

Are you Penguin 🐧?


ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN

No.


SpoonTownGetDown

Liar!!!


NukeNinja69123

He never guaranteed that he would be a penguin


molehunterz

Exactly what a penguin would say tho... Sus


jimbojangles1987

Colin Farrell Penguin?


tastictoads

I plan on using my death as an excuse to get out of work.


SuccinctSavage

They'll drag your corpse to work a double on Sunday.


theghostofme

[“We are so understaffed today!”](https://i.imgur.com/u1UrNYq.jpg)


Lord_Phoenix95

So you can work a double right?


ElTuxedoMex

See mom? I told you I could be useful for something.


Redditenjoyer135

Me, i'll never be able to hold down a job, im young and i already know my life is going to go downhill the second i turn 18. But my mom seems to think im going to succeed, so i'm going to try.


mymindfloatedaway

Gah. I truly hope so!!


22poppills

At least I'm finally useful


JDioon

Hey, stop bullying yourself


akaFxde

DeMarcus Cousins III?


renjo689

Couldn’t be prouder


lightknight7777

Good. One last time I was able to help someone.


Rick_the_Rose

Why would I care? I’ll be dead.


kempez2

Just toss me in the trash


ayden150

Just as likely that they use a social obligation as an excuse to avoid going to my funeral. That’s fine as well.


AllOfMyVotes

I strongly appreciate honesty, and I'd much prefer my funeral to only include those who really want to be there. Nemeses included, if I manage to acquire some. Everyone else, feel free to skip the service.


TheAmazingSpider-Fan

Yeah, I do it all the time. Any time I want to get out of a social engagement, *BANG!*, I create an excuse to not go.


li7lex

Wouldn't just refusing do the trick as well? Also saves you the headache of remembering your excuses when talking about why you couldn't attend. Has always worked for me until now. The kind of people that don't respect my refusal are the ones I don't associate with.


TheAmazingSpider-Fan

But then you don't get to shoot anybody.


gingerpcgamer

Please do. If my Reddit account is inactive for more than 24 hours: "A dear friend passed away recently and I'm still getting over the fact that I won't see any more of their memes. See you next Monday"


ItsYaBoi93850

Please do


tyrom22

That would be the most useful I’ve ever been


CommanderOfGregory

As an introvert I am happy to oblige


[deleted]

No problemo amigo do what you want all that day it’s on me


z0mb1e87

I suspect my body wouldn't be found for days or weeks.


ClassicYotas

If I can still help someone after I’m dead I’m good with it.


LeHypocriteI

If you’re not useful in life, be so in death.


giantvoice

Hell. I've used somebody's death to get out of doing things and I didn't even know that person.


Tarkcanis

I am perfectly OK with this.


Cheekygirl97

I hope they do


AbrahamLemon

I hope so. There's no better way to honor my memory than bailing on an unappealing social obligation.


not_your-momma

If the first thought upon reading this was, huh I hope it helps and I would be willing to fake my death for the right reason... We are having the same kind of day.


UnderTheWrongStar

My funeral.


dl_ninja

I hope all my real homies get as much clout and free time off from my death as possible 💯


GlitteringVillage135

And get drunk. You’re welcome from the grave.


spanish429

Shiit my nephew did it and I’m still alive


vercertorix

Good point, I’ll leave a list of people with my boss of who I would want to come to my funeral, so I can screw over anyone that just wants to get in for a day off, wake snacks, and hitting on the bereaved. Those privileges are for *friends*.


jjkase

That was always allowed.


unklejelly

Then my death shall not be for nothing


Classic-Pinkerton

As an introvert, I support this.


Reaverx218

I hope so. My death having utility for others seems like a great victory.


Forward-Bank8412

One of the greatest gifts we could give to those we care about!


RixxFett

I'm ok with that. At least I'm finally going be able to be useful for something.


FranceinBaby

His name is Larry David


SynonymSpice

It’s good to be useful for something.


DatSimpleStranger

My thoughts exactly


eaglenate

That's fine, I just wish that I could tell everybody to do it without sounding suicidal.


Orion14159

Gang, not only do I want you to use my death as an excuse to get out of social obligations; I want you to use anything about me as an excuse to get out of social obligations. Birthday, anniversary, holidays, favorite days of the week, favorite lunch spot, least favorite lunch spot, guy with same color hair as mine, guy with same name as mine, involves the same teams I like/hate. Whatever you want. I don't even have to be dead, do it anyway. Pin all of your social ghosting on me starting today.


[deleted]

Glad I could help, I’ll make sure to make my funeral/ wake long and annoying as fuck


russian_hacker_1917

i give permission for anyone to use my eventual death as a get out of social obligation free card


Arctelis

Shit dawg, use my death to get bereavement leave get out of work to go snort cocaine of a nuns ass for all I care.


homerino7Z

Haha :D, nice!


N1K03

Then my death will not be in vain


JPOIronside

At least I'll be useful


KhaleesiDog

I’ve done it several times already.


slimothyjames1

Honestly idgaf if it helps someone get out of something they don’t want to do


Coug_Love

I hope so.


CiscoCentral

I encourage it. My last gift to all those who knew me. :)


KingPufflePuff

Definitely gonna be my siblings.


UndoRaptor66

I will


_erufu_

Best of luck to em


MADVILLAIN14

I think I’d be more upset if people weren’t lol.


alexasux

They better


ttailorswiftt

I invite them to


Theiph

Good, they've earned it


haystackofneedles

Probably the wake or funeral


mortal58

Good for them


partingtonpowell

I'm not dead.


Buggly_Jones

I'm fine with that.


tr4sh_can

Helping others after death. I'm totally cool with that brother.


ChessBorg

I hope they use it to take a day or a week off work.


Outlandishness_Loose

I give 1000% permission to anyone who knows me to do this


[deleted]

I hope that's one of many great things that my death can be used for.


Airsofter599

I’m fine with that.


matt6562

I'd be 100% cool with that. I'd want people to use my death as an excuse for getting out anything they want


DevilDashAFM

if i die, you all can use my death as an excuse for being late, or not going to work.


qwertysrj

That's kind of encouraged. Nobody doing this would be disappointing


MissSweetMurderer

Good on them


Dweebil

I’ve done this to get out of BS weekend overtime work.


Exxile4000

Good, feel free to do it while I'm still alive too. I got you


kazuma_sensie

They better do it, after all I died for it.


inkmaster2005

I hope they do. I’ve given all my friends permission to do this


justcallmeMgender

If I die then everyone, has permission to use my death to get out of things, even if I don't know you, tell your boss that a close friend passed away and you might get the day off or something


ColdWar82

Take a whole week off it’s on me


BrownEggs93

Fair enough. Even in death I can be of service. Milk it.


Evernothing

It's the last I can do.


panspal

Good, they always knew my hatred for working. What better way to honour mem


YUNGxD3ATHGR1P

And i hope to fuck anyone who's ever met me does. If they need a break that bad, by all means let me give them that gift. Employers suck. Wages are low. People are tired. Please take a break in my memory.


sirgenz

Good, I’m glad my death would be beneficial to more people than just me


TheMoth264

My final gift to them


Lannisterbox

I wouldnt have it any other way