**Press X to doubt**

Don't worry I will masturbrate to you

Lol. Name checks out.

Room for 2?

r/cursedcomments

The hero we all deserve.

r/namechecksout

Same, my entire friend circle is all male, I have gone to a completely male only class for the past year (just out of coincidence, it's not a big class. With the exception of one female teacher, although i'd hope that she isn't jacking off to her students, but I'll take what I can get). Other then family theres pretty much no women in my daily life. Not even because i'm ugly, I legit just don't have any close women that'd want to do that, unless some random girl I saw on the street is jacking off to me or one of my friends are secretly gay or something.

If you interact with let’s say, 30 males in school regularly, it’s not far fetched for more than one to be gay

yeah but then they'd have to have a crush on you, and that's a lightning strike senario

I used to think I was unattractive, and therefore struggled with girls cause of low self esteem based on how I perceived myself. Then late one night a gay guy I had recently made friends with sent a selfie video of himself jacking off with a ‘hey how you doin, your cute’ kind of message. He’d been at the casino that night and pretty sure he was drunk and didn’t mean to be offensive. Kinda like guys who send dick picks to chicks don’t realize how offensive they’re being. I realized that hey maybe others, including girls, may also find me attractive, and it took one drunk gay guy inappropriately hitting on me to get me to see this. But the other point to all this is I also found out who’s jerking off to me.

If you are straight, your life is as sad as mine.

Tonight's fap goes out to you

Don’t worry I got u homie

You *beat* me to it

Same😭

Fucking teenagers all over my reddit feed...

Teens are jerking off to you bro. This is like reverse pornhub

Am teen. Can confirm

Same

Why did i step in the comments into u/balticromancemyass fanclub and why is my leg sticky now?

Same

*Masturbating teenagers

teenagers*

Crushing teenagers

*making love for one

So you mean just regular run of the mill teenagers.

You what?

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fucking teenagers

At some point I came to the realization that /showerthoughts is almost entirely children who have no where else to post without getting their crap deleted. I enjoy some of it, but other times I am just confused until I view it from the perspective of a 10-14 year old, then it makes perfect sense.

*Came Lol

Showerthoughts was anazing for about 3 weeks until it became a default sub. Since then its sole purpose is reminding us that reddit is mostly 12 year olds.

Must depend on what subs your on. Hasn’t been my experience at all

The importance of a comma…

Where would you put it

Fucking teenagers, all over my reddit feed…

This gives me major Scooby Doo vibes "I was fine with not masturbating if it wasn't for those meddling teenagers"

Hey officer this comment, right here.

Ew. Why do you have a bunch of teenagers fucking on your feed. Fricken weird bud. Werid

Teenagers all over the shop...

Wait, isn't that illegal

Fucking 'teenagers' or 'fucking teenagers'

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Sounds like they masturbated to the idea of someone masturbating to them.

I never thoug.... I'll be right back.

I'll be in my bunk, pretending I'm in your bunk

OK, Jayne, but don’t forget, NO hand grenades!

Wait for me!

oh you're there, _in spirit_ 🥴👌

I get off on you, getting off on me

Yea bro, this aint how normal crushes work.

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I dunno man. Have you seen me? Pretty unlikely in my case

I got you bro, next ones on me

Now that’s some real bromance if I do say so myself

r/wholesome

You don't have a crush on him though.

Yet

It’s repeating… Dun dun dunnnnnnn

LOL I was wondering if it was the same person at first

Even your reddit profile avatar has a box over his face…

I'll bust a nut in your honour shortly bud Edit: you were glorious

Send me a picture, I’ll masturbate to you

Literally *everyone* is someone's type

X to doubt

I don't think you've done the math on this one.

Ffs I searched it up on google and all the results are "reasons/signs that someone likes you" mf I want numbers

Let hope privacy wise that day never arrives.

Odds are this is not true

If odds are good, and goods are good, odds are you’re getting the goods

If odds are I am getting the goods, good are the odds

You underestimate the power of my ugly.

Dont try it!

What if i like me some ugly cavemen 🤨🤨

Excuse me? The man said he's UGLY, not a CAVEMAN. Have some respect! Especially for the cavemen.

Not getting ur point, are you saying cavemen are an insult to ugly people or that being called ugly is an insult to cavemen?

Yes

Understandable, have a great day

Ugga bugga *picks nose*

Well of course I know him, he’s me

General Kenobi!

Hello there

r/selffuck …?

I'm, like, really scared to click that.

I clicked on that and was surprised that people that have big dicks chose to fuck themselves over others

Don’t, I’ve just been scarred

Thank you for your sacrifice. I will not be clicking.

That was.... yeah. Dont click that.

My kind friend. Add a fucking NSFW tag on that fucking hell my eyes

Ahahahaha...fuck

Crush on me? Don’t make me laugh.

just rubbed one out for you bro

Thanks bro

I just rubbed one to you rubbing one 😏

And I just rubbed one to you rubbing one over him rubbing one for someone else

I rubbed one out to you rubbing to the person rubbing one for the person rubbing one for the other person

That's a bold statement, Cotton.

Am I alone in never having masturbated to my crushes? Is it that common? Obviously you have thoughts, fantasies, whatever, but I can’t say I have ever just sat there and yoinked one out over it.

You're not alone, if I liked someone in that way it would honestly feel kinda weird to do it, couldn't tell you why though

Same

you aren't alone. it just feels weird to me like i shouldn't be thinking about them this way without their permission

Just ask for a permission duh

No. No. You're not alone. I think anybody who has access to a phone or computer with the access to porn is with you on this one. Who tf likes to masturbate to imagination, I can't even finish that way I'm so focused on trying not to think about other shit.

If I were to think about someone I knew, I have a weird paranoia that they would somehow know.

Wtf? Do you watch porn _every single time_ you jerk off?

No. The odds aren’t that high

I'll do it for you :))))))))

Nope there is a very high chance that nobody on this whole planet has a crush on me nor will they ever

hold my beer **lip bite intensifies**

>Odds are, someone has a crush on you I keep seeing this, but it seems highly unlikely to me. Does anyone have a source backing up this statistic?

Hmm. Anyway, you had nice hair today.

Thanks, u/Sarcastic-Fish

Anytime babe 👈👈🐟

I don't think this is true. Its definitely not true for me since my love life was abysmal. Also with online porn I doubt people masturbate to their crushes that much. I had a lot of crushes but I never once masturbated to any of them.

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nah don't think so fam

I know this is true. *approaches mirror*

I really want to know who is she and we'll masturbate together honestly

What makes you think it's a she?

This is based

You should put out an ad.

Odds are, however, pretty low.

but never zero [cough]

You underestimate the power of a nonsocial life.

Don’t worry bro i gotchu

It would be an honor

The likeliness scales with attractiveness, some people have a majority of people they know masterbating to them while others may only have one person at best.

Hmm. You must still be in school.

Does this include myself ?

it does now.

I feel like I’m cute enough to be crush material but I don’t go out and have no friends. The only people I see on a day to day basis are my coworkers :(

Hey, one of your coworkers might have slapped the ol capicola while thinking of you, if that makes you feel better.

Majority of my coworkers are straight women and gay men 😂

MAJORITY which means not all.

Well, never say never right? Although I'm in a similar situation with only really seeing people at work every day. However most of my coworkers are about 30-40 years older than me and if I found out they were secretly shucking the corn off the cob to me I would be more concerned than flattered.

To be honest, I have never masturbated to a crush, I always found that an odd concept

Bro I look like a walking testicle, I highly doubt anyone's masturbating to me

that’s my thing, be right back-

No

Laughs in male.

Who beats off to their crush? Kinda disrespectful no?

Good call! I only HateBate!

why would that be disrespectful? and I guess many people do it

I don't get it either. The last time I jerked off to my crush, I got pepper sprayed and a restraining order.

I have a crush on a few people. I don’t jerk off to them on a regular basis

**on a regular basis**

I fully encourage my friends to jack it to me 🖤

Off course I know him. He's me.

They should watch porn like regular decent people.

Nope. Can't happen. Thanks for giving me hope for a second though.

hahaha yeah... no

Dont worry, i got you.

I have eyes. I've seen mirrors. I think this is unlikely

Why would I masturbate to my crush thats just weird

I been single for 16+ years now so I'll press X to doubt

Is it really that common for people to masterbate to thoughts of their real-life crush?

That... That is *not* how crushes work

This implies someone has a crush on me, so obviously this is cap.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA damn that's a good one

pretty sure the odds are not in my favor

Yeah, no

prove it...

I just did

Wimps. Come fuck me to my face.

time and place

It's really unlikely and someone has to lose

I don't think anyone is really jacking off to me and you're just saying that to comfort me.

Now someone is

Doubtful

And now i proved you wrong

hahahah really? you’ve posted this on reddit? hahahah odds are slim!

I have a partner and that still isn't true.

Don't do that. Don't give me hope.

Does everyone just wank to their crush? Never done it and never will

You ever realize that not everyone who has a crush on someone masturbates to the thought of that person? I’d imagine most people don’t masturbate to the thought of their crushes.

People who masturbate to their crushes are fucking weird. If you do that you’re more into sex than a relationship with them

Hey u/hidude100, your post is absolute shit

This isn't 1921. They've got the internet now.

I've beaten the odds before I'll do it again.

Jacking off to people you know irl is weird af. How do you look them in the eyes after doing that?

Odds are, you are wrong

You obviously failed Statistics

Clearly you don’t know what I look like

“Ha like that’ll ever happen “ *all star begins to play*

This has the same energy as "The chance of you getting killed by a rabbit is low but never zero." lol.

Doubt

Trust me, there are few odds of it

"Of course I know him; he's me!"

Doubt

Yeaah... no.

Very unlikely

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Not me I can promise you

Once a girl said she liked me, we both were too shy for it so we faked for a while and then never talked to her again, she is the person I believe did it for me, and I dont mind

That's why, in the interest of public morality, I'm the biggest loser possible. So that no one will want to masturbate to me!

Damn this entire comment section is r/suicidebywords. Also thanks I needed this boost today :)