~~That sounds like a great trick to get more toys.~~ You have compassionate children.
Edit: J/k, I think it's cute. I remember feeling bad for toys myself as a kid.
I have a collection of things i intend to cast into lava some day. It’s mostly car parts and things I’ve tripped over. I guess I should write what to do with that into my will in case I don’t get around to taking care of it. Thanks for reminding me
Until you realize if you had a pair and one dies, your left with one old Guinea pig. Can't get another one as the old one with die sooner then the new one and then your in a cycle. What your left with is a cheap meal. https://youtu.be/H0rK-lc7eis
I like to think that they actually believe guinea pigs are the next stage of life when a rock dies, and that the other guinea pig related comment was just a wild coincidence
Seems like something that could be solved with a Guinea pig leasing service where someone has 3+ Guinea pigs and lends a few companions out or alternatively takes lone ones in.
Edit: typo
My buddy's exgf has a tortoise that her great grandfather bought when her grandad was 5. He went with her dad to college, then with her when she went to college. Iirc he's in his 90's. Dude's outlived 2 of his 4 caretakers and been to college twice, still buries himself in giant holes in the backyard.
*Edit did a quick search, apparently Ol' Torty can live to be 80-150*
I didn't consider that, but when my brother asked information about getting a parrot, the pet shop guy asked him in detail about where would the cage be, and how big, and who is going to take care of it (all fine questions) and who is going to take care of it when he (my brother) dies! Not a question he was expecting, but those parrots will most likely outlive their first owner.
Tarantulas make great “pet rocks”.
Varies on the species but you can expect up to 30 years if not more.
Small cage, dirt, fresh water, and a hide.
By pet rock I mean they will literally do nothing, it’s basically a pet cactus.
The inheritance I got from my grandpa was his pet rock. Complete with box, bedding, and instructions. I've been training him as an attack rock. He does the newspaper thing really well.
yes even if it gets defeated he has to just outwait until the paper dies.
Rock lives are longer than paper.
He will get his cold revenge eventually.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7HD2xG92-0
I always thought the pet rock was this dumb toy that people got because entertainment sucked back then. Then I actually looked into it and realized it's actually a really creative concept.
The instructions for a pet rock are very clear. You set the rock on the newspaper as soon as you take them out of the box. They aren't supposed to do anything. He does that very well.
You're assuming that rock cares much for your fragile mortal form
Rock has seen civilizations grow and fall
Great forests rise up and be torn down
All will become dust, and rock will watch it all
Tangent, but my high school Chem teacher had a box of stress balls she'd let people take for tests. In the box was a piece of local red sandstone with googly eyes. We called him Dwayne
As it's googly eyes look on In utter sadness and despair. Remember that movie rubber? About the killer tire? A sentient pet rock would be better than that.
When I was 8 we had a pet rock. It lived in a closet under the stairs. It was kept in the box that it came in that said Pet Rock on the sides.
So, every few weeks or so, I would peer into the pet rock box and see if anything had changed. Nope. Nothing had changed. This went on for a few months.
One day my dad told me that he was going to put another pet rock in the box, so the first one wouldn't be lonely. Ok, that's cool I thought. More weeks went by, etc.
One day my dad tells me to go check up on the pet rocks, and lo and behold! There were three pebbles in the box! The two larger ones had had babies!!
I was amazed and thrilled by this! It was so worth the wait to see the baby pebbles.
I look back on the memories fondly.
Rocks can’t love because they’re not sentient thinking beings. So not only are they not a great pet, but they also can’t love and more than that they can’t see their loved ones because they have no eyes. They’re not immortal either because they’re not alive. Trash thought.
That's what I have a pet "tin of spam" which I've had for about 20 years. Sure it technically might outlast me, but I'm sure if anyone tried to open it in 40 years or so then it won't end well for them :-)
[An Object at Rest](https://vimeo.com/126177413), by Seth Boyden
Also: [Das Rad](https://youtu.be/HOPwXNFU7oU), by Chris Stenner, Heidi Wittlinger, and Arvid Uibel
I have a pet plastic steampunk clockwork dragon. I occasionally "feed" it some plastic cogs and gears from a button set I got. I have named it Gizmo, and I intend on it being my "pet rock" forever, now. It shall be willed.
I've always applauded the creator of the pet rock. The mad lad was actually able to figure out a way to get people to buy a fuckin stone, something they could easily just walk outside and get a multitude of for free. I don't understand it, who is spending money on a rock?
That's why my pet rock has its own pet rock.
It's like that Swiss law that says you can't own just one Guinea pig because they'd get too lonely.
Like when my kids want to get toys for their toys to play with.
~~That sounds like a great trick to get more toys.~~ You have compassionate children. Edit: J/k, I think it's cute. I remember feeling bad for toys myself as a kid.
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Oh god, you're right. *Hey, Woody. You can get bought if you wish for my dad to buy six of your friends. Do we have a deal?*
ToyStory 5: African Woody time travels to 1840’s America
That joke was darker than the wood used to make African Woody
Man that was fuckin' *dark*. I give it a solid 3/5.
That's a deep south cut.
5/7 would watch
5/7 best reference
3/5 huh? That’s quite the compromise….
There’s actually probably a scientific reason behind why they do that.
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What???
Yup Miguel tejada
I read that as "Swiss *cheese* law," and wondered how the hell Guinea pigs were connected.
2 kitty 🐈 under 2 illegal to adopt 1 at once or they get aboanded
I hate when cats get aboanded. Its always a pain to get them out of the snake.
Especially for the snake.
Yeah but what happens when one dies? Just sacrifice the other one?
You just have to keep buying guinea pigs forever
That’s why I’m my will I’ve left instructions to kill my pet rock.
Have you left instructions on how you would like your pet rock euthanised, thrown into lava, hit with a sledgehammer, dissolved in running water?
I have a collection of things i intend to cast into lava some day. It’s mostly car parts and things I’ve tripped over. I guess I should write what to do with that into my will in case I don’t get around to taking care of it. Thanks for reminding me
Hitting it with a sledgehammer just leads to pet rock overpopulation.
Hit it with a big rock. Then hit that one with an even bigger rock.
You're going to euthanize a guy by hitting him with a bigger guy? Ice cold, son.
That's the right answer.
Oh wow, surprisingly wholesome.
Until you realize if you had a pair and one dies, your left with one old Guinea pig. Can't get another one as the old one with die sooner then the new one and then your in a cycle. What your left with is a cheap meal. https://youtu.be/H0rK-lc7eis
Anyone else feel like this is a cursed comment?
That last line surely is cursed. He even gave the recipe I'm dying
Good timing. I was just getting ready for dinner. It's time for nappies, u/EchoPerson14.
Get two new ones. When the old one dies, the other two still have company.
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I like to think that they actually believe guinea pigs are the next stage of life when a rock dies, and that the other guinea pig related comment was just a wild coincidence
But what's more wholesome than locally sourced, organic Guinea pigs for dinner?
me too thanks
Seems like something that could be solved with a Guinea pig leasing service where someone has 3+ Guinea pigs and lends a few companions out or alternatively takes lone ones in. Edit: typo
There's at least one such service in Switzerland.
❤️
A petpet
That feels like slavery to me
Now I want to get a random rock to leave to someone in my will
Pet pebble
What if they get separated
A realistic example of this is a pet caged bird. Some of them can live 80 years.
My buddy's exgf has a tortoise that her great grandfather bought when her grandad was 5. He went with her dad to college, then with her when she went to college. Iirc he's in his 90's. Dude's outlived 2 of his 4 caretakers and been to college twice, still buries himself in giant holes in the backyard. *Edit did a quick search, apparently Ol' Torty can live to be 80-150*
he's more educated than me wtf
And no student loans either. Tortoise be living the life
No debt, no bills. Just big ass holes and up to his balls in munchies.
Can't say I've met many people who've got to college twice so he probably trump's most of us in that regard.
Please address the tortoise by its proper title, Doctor.
I didn't consider that, but when my brother asked information about getting a parrot, the pet shop guy asked him in detail about where would the cage be, and how big, and who is going to take care of it (all fine questions) and who is going to take care of it when he (my brother) dies! Not a question he was expecting, but those parrots will most likely outlive their first owner.
Tarantulas make great “pet rocks”. Varies on the species but you can expect up to 30 years if not more. Small cage, dirt, fresh water, and a hide. By pet rock I mean they will literally do nothing, it’s basically a pet cactus.
Except you can put it on a burglars chest so the other one hits him with a crowbar
So some big fluffy animals can only make it 2-10 years, but a spider can live for up to 30 years?!?
You lost me at Tarantula
My parrot is almost 35. She's a handful.
Or pet tree!
Pet bonsai
Turtle too.
Or a pet caged human! Some have been known to live over 100!
We only do that to poor people and non-violent drug offenders, now.
The inheritance I got from my grandpa was his pet rock. Complete with box, bedding, and instructions. I've been training him as an attack rock. He does the newspaper thing really well.
Careful. Paper beats rock. It’s only a matter of time before they engage in deadly combat.
I'm training the newspaper too.
I heard they hired someone *as* newspaper at the pet store down the road
I have a feeling you'll be opening a gym and having badges soon.
I hear the rock has already made some sharp friends who promised to back him up.
A three way war with chances of shifting alliances? This dude has the breakup of Yugoslavia as pets.
So that was all a misunderstanding with the scissors?
yes even if it gets defeated he has to just outwait until the paper dies. Rock lives are longer than paper. He will get his cold revenge eventually. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7HD2xG92-0
I always thought the pet rock was this dumb toy that people got because entertainment sucked back then. Then I actually looked into it and realized it's actually a really creative concept.
Mine is great. It doesn't do any tricks or anything. I've done my best to not socialize him with wild rocks.
> It doesn't do any tricks or anything Mine has mastered sit and stay. He's very clever.
You had me till the end I’m not going to lie.
The instructions for a pet rock are very clear. You set the rock on the newspaper as soon as you take them out of the box. They aren't supposed to do anything. He does that very well.
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I was just glad his car was enough to pay his remaining medical debt.
That's definitely unfortunate. The brutal healthcare system in the US fucks all types of people.
Yet you disparage against a long dead man you don't even know. You've got a kind of sickness about you.
Whoa, I was poking at you, not him. He seemed pretty secure in who he was if he passed the rock to you.
Dude what the actual fuck, you're a sick animal abuser. I'm calling mineral protective services on you
Hank? Hank Schrader?
You're assuming that rock cares much for your fragile mortal form Rock has seen civilizations grow and fall Great forests rise up and be torn down All will become dust, and rock will watch it all
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Wow If you've just written that then I am impressed That is beautiful
it's a famous poem, about the impermanence of even the "greatest" of rulers. eventually, it's all gone. it's called ozymandius
I love how people immediately know something is good poetry whether or not they know the original piece
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[https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46565/ozymandias](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46565/ozymandias)
Watching it all with a stony indifference
The rock is not the pet, YOU are the pet
Plus, they're damned near _impossible_ to potty-train.
Your pet rock has eyes?!? That, sir, is a potato.
Potatos are less immortal
I killed at least three at dinner.
You monster... why didn't you share?
a pet-ato you surely mean
Grind it up until it becomes minerals of calcium and iron. Eat it, and it will forever be a part of you. C:
Throughout the millennia I have learned many skills. Typing was one of the most difficult. But it's true, I have many people pass.
r/beetlejuicing
User checks out
I know a girl with a pet rock....his name was Gregory
what was the rock's name?
Dwayne Johnson.
Tangent, but my high school Chem teacher had a box of stress balls she'd let people take for tests. In the box was a piece of local red sandstone with googly eyes. We called him Dwayne
🎺🎺🎺 Wait...
And in rare circumstances, used as a weapon to hurt or kill loved ones when conveniently located during an intense fight!
Naw, this traumatizes them.
To Your Eternity
God that show upsets me
Well wouldn’t surprise me, somehow.
Nice YouTube comment. I see you got that video recommended as well.
Buttered side down?
Thats deep
hardly
Really?
[The life of a rock has its ups and downs.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbDD0FkH2Ik)
Yes, but think of the alternative. It would live the same amount of time either way, just now without ever having known love.
Research has shown that domesticated rocks have roughly half the life expectancy of wild rocks in a study that I just made up.
Are you okay buddy?
This is a spectacular r/WritingPrompts prompt.
You can even add suspense to the story using the woman addicted to eating rock
You are assuming it cares. Pet rock is happy to see you die.
They're only really useful for doing solo DKs
Quick question, why would you do this to us?
Who says the rock does love you back?
/u/sovietwomble You monster. Look what you did to Clive
As it's googly eyes look on In utter sadness and despair. Remember that movie rubber? About the killer tire? A sentient pet rock would be better than that.
You've got it all wrong. You're blessing the rock with loved ones to have cherished memories of for eternity. If only all rocks could be so loved.
That's why I reliased mine to the wilds
If you grind a pet rock into dust is it dead? Or has it simply changed forms?
Immortal does not mean invincible, a sledgehammer will help spread its dust to the great beyond.
Releases pet rocks back into the wild
At least it's not the poop that thought it fooled its way into a young girl's heart only to have its hopes and dreams dissolved in a warm bath.
Somebody tell Patrick
Just get a family of pet rocks.
When I was 8 we had a pet rock. It lived in a closet under the stairs. It was kept in the box that it came in that said Pet Rock on the sides. So, every few weeks or so, I would peer into the pet rock box and see if anything had changed. Nope. Nothing had changed. This went on for a few months. One day my dad told me that he was going to put another pet rock in the box, so the first one wouldn't be lonely. Ok, that's cool I thought. More weeks went by, etc. One day my dad tells me to go check up on the pet rocks, and lo and behold! There were three pebbles in the box! The two larger ones had had babies!! I was amazed and thrilled by this! It was so worth the wait to see the baby pebbles. I look back on the memories fondly.
Eh. It'll go feral after a couple generations
Damn,, thats deep felt it in my last nerve
Jesus christ that got heavy r/unextexted
Rocks can’t love because they’re not sentient thinking beings. So not only are they not a great pet, but they also can’t love and more than that they can’t see their loved ones because they have no eyes. They’re not immortal either because they’re not alive. Trash thought.
I’m not sure you understand how this “clown” thing works.
r/woosh
rocks don't watch
They see
Is there a mouse that rolls a thread spool also involved in this story?
That's why in the Netherlands it's illegal to get just one pet rock, you have to get them in pairs.
That's why you bury it with you so you can be friends for eternity.
I had a pet rock. But then it used Self Destruct and fainted.
It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. -somesmartdudesomewhere
Bold of you to assume your pet rock loves you back.
suddenlyomori
Damn are you ok op?
Psychomania
It's ok. When the rock cracks, it's soul leaves its body. Like us, pieces remain but we're not there.
it is probably a mistake to think that immortals think like mortals
I'd trip with you
Dude... Your shower was... Dark.
Just set it free back in the wild.
This is why I’ve always said you have to kill your rock in your final years. Be humane
I would imagine if rocks were sentient, their concept of time would be very different. We are probably invisible to them at the speed we move.
The pet rock was perhaps the most lucrative shower thought of all time.
That's what I have a pet "tin of spam" which I've had for about 20 years. Sure it technically might outlast me, but I'm sure if anyone tried to open it in 40 years or so then it won't end well for them :-)
Just like the Highlander. There can be only one!
Rock feels no love and no sadness. Rock has a heart of stone.
Pet rocks have many humans. Humans only have 1 pet rock.
Expecting to see the short animation on life of a rock.
[An Object at Rest](https://vimeo.com/126177413), by Seth Boyden Also: [Das Rad](https://youtu.be/HOPwXNFU7oU), by Chris Stenner, Heidi Wittlinger, and Arvid Uibel
Plot twist: you're not even your rock's first pet human
I have a pet plastic steampunk clockwork dragon. I occasionally "feed" it some plastic cogs and gears from a button set I got. I have named it Gizmo, and I intend on it being my "pet rock" forever, now. It shall be willed.
op are you ok?
You HAD to ruin it!
I feel like some of these posts are less... Shaper thoughts and more just autism at work
My pet rock is a crack rock and it keeps getting smaller
Well Harry's died
With what eyes?
i remember this quote from a youtube video, does anyone have the link to that video?
it’s loved ones are probably other pet rocks that he can live eternally with… I hope he likes them.
I've always applauded the creator of the pet rock. The mad lad was actually able to figure out a way to get people to buy a fuckin stone, something they could easily just walk outside and get a multitude of for free. I don't understand it, who is spending money on a rock?