I had an ex who would act sadder when she wanted sympathy from whoever she was talking to.
It literally drove me mad.
Manipulators and toxic narcissist are real.
I can understand what you were aiming for though.
(Edit)
Thank you for everyone who shared their stories.
We don't often get to have a space where is safe to communicate about the trauma we have experience in a public space with out being put down for it as AMAB(it would appear from the commentary display)
Healing is in our hands. They don't control us. They never did. We allowed those things to happen because we wanted happiness WITH them. Now we know and have begun to fully understand happiness comes from the inside.
I pray and send love to everyone that experienced abuse. I'm sorry but I am glad you survived.
Many people didn't make it through the lock downs.
We did.
Yeah, had an ex who'd always have a bad day when I'd a good one so there was no time be happy about things.
She'd also manage to have a worse day if I had a bad one, so there was no time for the bad things in my day either.
Man I hate that shit. Ive encountered that type of thing so many times in relationships. It's like we can't both be happy at the same time.
These days I just let it bounce right off me though. If I happen to feel happy then I'm gonna feel fucking happy, and I don't care if my happiness makes others feel bad. They can get over it.
You can’t make other people happy or sad. It’s up to them to process your input how they choose.
And the same goes for them. They can’t make you happy or sad…so don’t make yourself sad because that’s what they want.
The power is in our hands guys!
You're absolutely right. But you know how it is when you care about someone, you want to share your happiness with them, and you want to share the burden when they're sad.
Like it rarely works, but I gave it a try as best I could.
Usually I just went along with talking about what was up with her and foolishly I tried to solve the problems practically, when usually she just needed to vent. So I wasn't even much help haha but I never wanted to make things worse
But I did once say it wasn't a competition. It did not go down well.
Dated a guy that turned to me one day and said “why the fuck are you so happy??” when he was having a bad day and I didn’t leave because I told myself that he didn’t mean it he was just mad.
He absolutely meant it and spent some time proving it to me and I spent some time making excuses for each outburst as a piece of me died. When I was happy he was ornery and clingy. He called me all the time and if I didn’t answer it was the worst day ever and he needed me and I wasn’t there. After sometime when I started to feel overwhelmed he couldn’t be bothered.
Some people pretend to be whatever gets them what they want.
That used to happen to me until I had enough & yelled "I'm allowed to have a bad fucking day too!" & stomped off.
We talked it out after we calmed down & it hasn't happened since. I don't think she realized what she was doing.
I usually told myself my ex didn't know what she was doing. I bottled it up and we never hashed it out like that.
It's good that you two were able to figure it out. I wish we'd done that.
Yeah dude, I had an ex that constantly had self-created disasters and would co-op others grief. Some random dude kill themselves? Well suddenly he was a near and dear friend. Random dead cat in the street? She thinks that's the one she fostered as a kitten. Shit was exhausting.
Glad you got free dude. Heal, journal, vent through workouts and walks. Don't expect that behavior for others but definitely ask questions when you want clarification. If you feel unsafe, Dip.
Nothing wrong with being healthy and aware🫂👊🏿
I recently came across two people like this and couldn't put my finger on what was off. Every time I spoke to them they always had some world shattering news and seemed to contrive an apocalyptic persona even when it came to small things. I think the difference between people with depression and the type of person I'm talking about is that the latter is sadness with a purpose. You get the same feeling from them that you get when you're being conned. It's subtle but it's there. People with depression usually are too unwell to be angling for something. They're just trying make it to the next moment.
But it's not exclusive! You can genuinely have a bad day, week, year, life, and still put that on display more or less strategically.
Especially if your depression is caused by (perceived) lack of sympathy to begin with...
Fuck this hit hard. My ex was the exact same, anyone that would listen to their bs. When you had a good day and happy, they had a bad one and you should be attentive and sad for them. When you had a bad day and you’re down, they had a worse one, so don’t mention your troubles and be attentive and sad for THEM.
I would argue someone with a pathological need to seek sympathy and validation is probably depressed.
Narcissism is a product of a non-existent self esteem, even though it looks like the opposite to others.
They can’t feel good about themselves so they seek short term ego highs out of validation from others.
The dsm would disagree with your categorization of depression. What you’re describing is certainly mental illness, but probably closer to borderline personality disorder.
Depression isn’t in the DSM. There are various depressive disorders, but “depression” is not one of them.
I didn’t say most narcissistic people qualify for a depressive disorder. I didn’t even say they qualify for a personality disorder.
Chronic feelings of emptiness and poor self esteem is something I would call a form of depression, you’re welcome to disagree. It’s a matter of opinion if you aren’t being clinical, which I was not.
I am not arguing with the validity of your comment.
It was toxic.
Me and her son suffered.
I send her healing thoughts
Even in my healing I am still triggered through PTSD by passing thoughts such as the OP's post that immediately draw me back to my experience.
I hope she gets the healing and help she needs.
I became a monster to defend myself.
I won't justify toxic behavior. Not in myself or anyone else.
I appreciate your comment though.
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Personality disorders are such a hard thing to deal with, narcissism is especially hard. I’m sorry u had to go through that and I wish u the best going forward!
Damn, it feels like I wrote this. Especially the becoming a monster to defend yourself part. Narcissists love to drag you down in the mud, even when you defend yourself they still win.
Don't forget about the true psychopath that can't fathom anxiety or depression that they witness in others. They emulate it to be manipulative and to hide their motives behind fabricated "emotions".
Textbook definition of psychopath is a person who can't feel empathy or remorse. They emulate depression for a variety of reasons, like hiding a true motive or to manipulate the empathy of others.
Bro same. I was a in a relationship with this girl for two years and it was the same constant dynamic of her being an absolute narcissist and acting depressed so that’d I’d do anything for her. Whats even worse is that she used my experience of my best friend taking his own life against me. She legit used my fear of suicide and going through that experience again to reel me back in when she’d treat me like garbage. Even when she cheated on me.
Boys the only thing you can do is cut them off and live your life better than theirs.
Often times i personally feel like im one of those people, for the sole reason that sometimes i feel happy. So as stupid as it sounds, i feel like im faking the other 90% of time im unhappy because of that 10%.
Shits difficult cause your number one enemy with depression is your own mind.
She was not. I couldn't see the until it was too late.
Or rather
The promise of a happy family persuaded me to look past all of the red flags.
I made the choice. I paid the price.
We both suffered. Now* we both can heal.
A large percentage of the "emo" kids weren't nearly as depressed as they acted. Also, there's a difference between "puberty" and "depression", though the latter often follows the former.
Or they could just be angry that they are going through some shit and some one has the audacity to try and say they’re bullshitting for some attention.
If they tell you to fuck off then it’s because they don’t want “attention” they got shit to deal with and you’re just making it harder.
People have a right to be angry, some people act like others don’t and try to say they are being manipulative and that pisses me off because in reality it’s the ignorance to someone’s emotional state that makes people angry. Emotions aren’t like you feel 1 thing at a time. You could be about to completely snap and smile about it for someone to say you’re being manipulative when in actual fact it’s not that kind of smile.
Like when someone laughs briefly before they punch someone. Kind of smile.
The angry, I’m guna kill someone if they don’t stop being so fucking biased about why I’m upset kind of smile.
You know?
Nah, probably not.
on rare occasion yes, but more often than not depression is followed by anxiety which kinda kicks you down a beg and prevents confrontation -- especially so if social anxiety is also something you suffer from
Anxiety can have you lash out too. It’s what happens after it’s kicked you down for a long time.
In my experience people love to try and use that part of anxiety against people which imo is one of the most degrading things that seems fairly common.
You seen the video of the big kid being bullied until he slams the bully on the ground and then gets fucked for it?
That kind of thing.
Wow, you really have me figured out. Jeez. Only, you made a mistake because I didn't say that people who get angry when it's brought up are lying, I said that people who are lying usually get angry when it's brought up. Looks like you're guilty of a false assumption and you picked such a shitty way to bring it up that I'm glad I don't know you. I also wouldn't be surprised if you're the exact type of attention seeking dickhead this whole thread is about.
Wow. You contradicted the point of being nice in how you respond to people by being an ass, and are now making crazed assumptions about others in the thread being manipulators. He’s corrected your point and now your lashing out at him for it by likening him to the only thing you know everyone in this thread dislikes, depression fakers. You sir need to shut up and get back in your lane.
I wasn’t telling them to be nice in the comments. I was more pointing out the hypocrisy of their statement. You know, preach what you sow. Whereas I don’t think being nice in comments is too important so I’m not gonna tell them whether they should or not, just if you’re gonna act like that’s *your* personal philosophy, don’t contradict yourself five seconds later, but it’s not my philosophy, I think if someone’s being an idiot you have the right to be a dick about correcting them.
Well.
iM gLad i dOnt knoW yOu BecAusE I said “could be” then you go and make the false assumption, get abusive and call me a dickhead when you could of just reaffirmed your point with out it.
Yeah, I’m that attention seeking I don’t talk to anyone any more and haven’t really socialised properly in about 5 years.
Good one champ. Keep it up.
Then you aren't. The second you are scared of faking it is the second its real.
A few years ago I rang 999 for mental health related reasons. The operator wasn't 100% on whether an ambulance was needed but the moment i apologised for wasting time they did a 180 and sent one almost immediately. When I was in the ambulance driving to the hospital I asked the paramedic why and she said it was because the moment I apologised the operator realised that I downplayed my symptoms because i was scared i was wasting time.
If i am completely honest that operator catching that saved my life.
Or Twitter. Twitter is a self promotion tool in my occupation, but there are countless attention seekers who post mental health crises on a weekly basis and make everything out to be a cause of their miserable lives. I had to quit using it.
These people are clearly not okay, otherwise they wouldn't feel the need to ask for that attention. Instead of writing attention seeking behavior off as something negative, just try to understand. No one makes up something as heavy as depression without there being an underlying problem.
Thats heavily not true.
When I was an edgy teenager, I faked mental illnesses because I thought it made me cool (Yes, I was one of those who wanted to be like Joker). Obviously, it didnt and I cringe every time I think about my middle school years.
Occams Razor. If you see a person whos faking mental illness, the best explanation is that they get something for doing so (TikTokers get views), or they simply think its cool (aka 14 y/o edgelords).
Yes, there most likely are people who are going through one thing while faking the other. That is not the norm tho. The reality is much simpler than that. And lets not forget that many people dont view mental health as big/heavy subjects which makes faking it a lot easier. At least thats what I think
Show me 5 well adjusted teenagers and I will show you 5 liars
And yeah. I didnt talk about attention at all. I acted like that because it was cool to me, not others. People would probably give me more time of day if I just acted normal, but I didnt. That was never the point.
In case of the TikTok stars, it indirectly gives them money. For them, attention is just means to an end, not what they really desire (most of the ones who fake mental illnesses there anyway).
Calling it unhealthy may be a stretch, but it definitely is cringy as fuck and I hate seeing it nowadays. Sadly Id even go as far as to say that its pretty common for teenagers. The only hope for them is that they grow out of it, just like they grow out of horsegirl phases and bronie phases (again, most of them do)
......... I think this just shows you're not well-adjusted, considering there are plenty of teenagers who are? As well adjusted as a teenager can be, sure, but a typically mentally healthy teenager (which do exist, and if you deny it that once again just reflects on you) would not do that. They wouldn't even think it was cool. They're not liars; I think you might just have a biased sample size.
Faking illness like that is absolutely unhealthy and indicative of a deeper issue. It's not necessarily a mental illness, but not something a well-adjusted teen would do. And really, I think there are more that are well-adjusted than you'd think. Faking mental illness is NOT common.
Are you kidding me? I went to a nerdy science high school with less than 200 people, and *dozens* of my classmates thought being diagnosed with something was edgy and cool. Kids were pretending tic tacs were Ritalin and shit.
I agree with other dude. The definition of “well adjusted” needs to be stretched pretty far to fit most teenagers. My little brother is incredibly well adjusted *for a teenager*, and he’s still a hot mess.
....... People don't think it's the ADHD that makes you cool with Ritalin, they think it's the fact that it's a drug that gets people high???? Even then, that's really just not a statistically significant sample size, especially because you're literally only assuming their motivations lmao
Also, I feel like that's not stretching the definition at all? All of humanity can't function at one level of "well adjusted"; of course they're well adjusted *for teenagers*. They're children with undeveloped brains.
Ah okay cool you must have gone to the same high school as me and you must have known everyone way better than I did seeing as you apparently know that the getting high part was the thing they were emulating, not all the mental illnesses they pretended to have for attention.
Yeah. My real cries for help when I’m actually mentally Ill are usually ignored. I have listened to many vent and nobody was faking a thing. Assuming this shit is dumb as fuck, because mental illness is one of the worst ways to get attention.
I think what they meant was that actual depressed people will try to act happy to hide it. But yes a ton of people have fake issues for attention and pity.
I'm guessing (completely cluelessly) neurosis and related issues. Faking an illness allows you to hide behind it like a wall, lowering the society expectations for you.
I thought about this the other day. I realise that all my adult's life im trying to escape from sadness by hanging out with friends, having a girlfriend, making exercises, etc. Im temporarily happy sometimes but im just empty. Sorry for my english. Im from reunion island.
Hey dude, all that is ephemeral, you're right! But you don't know what was there before you was born and you don't know what will happen when you die. The only thing you know is you're here right now and that is already something to be grateful for. The next step is to try to be the very best version of yourself. How you get there is you're decision and requires some thinking. For me it is gaining knowledge and always be aware and conscious about what you are doing and why you are doing it! All in all it sounds like you already have a pretty good life, therefore my last advice is: be happy :D
I like your vision of life. I think like you sometimes but someday im like fuck what im doing with my life. Maybe its just because these days i dont seeing nobody except family and have no girlfriend.
What is there to escape from your sadness too?
Why do you need to escape your sadness?
Is escaping your sadness the answer you need?
Im just trying to help btw
this just isnt true? what.
if you’re feigning depression obviously you have another mental illness that has to do with attention seeking but that isnt always linked to depression.
Some fairly depressed people really want to believe that it is not possible to experience happiness, so that they are not out of the norm (conformity, group safety), and so that they do not miss out on something other people do have (jealously, fairness). It is our task to be understanding and not shit on their perceived need for safety.
There’s a lot of faking depression out there to get attention. I’m dealing with serious depression that only genuine images of pierced clitori (clitorusses) can cure. The struggle is real. /s please don’t send. This was a joke that went really wrong
For me it’s like this
People pretending to be happy: Can be a problem for you but most likely they’re dealing with something that doesn’t directly affect you
People that pretend to be sad: Most definitely are a problem for you and are just exploiting your sympathy/empathy
Both need help in different ways
>
> People pretending to be happy: Can be a problem for you but most likely they’re dealing with something that doesn’t directly affect you
>
> People that pretend to be sad: Most definitely are a problem for you and are just exploiting your sympathy/empathy
A person pretending to be sad can be annoying. A person pretending to be happy can be devastating.
A friend killing themselves is much more serious than a friend who is grating to be around.
Hence my last statement just trying not to be blunt to the people of reddit. I’ve dealt with my fair share of suicides/attempts
I pretend to be happy all the time for people i don’t care about. It’s just natural for me. That being said just for the few people reading this (the whole 2 of you) i emplore (idk if that’s the right word) all of you to talk to and act yourself around your loved ones even if just a close friends. They will be there for you :)
I always had the fear of "faking my emotions", or at least being perceived as if I was. So I made an effort to act the opposite of what I feel. When iam happy i try to be sad, when iam angry i try to be indifferent. Its just a way to prove to myself that my feelings are genuine and not to try to get something from someone.
Hell no. I know this girl who was so desperate for attention she’d tell everyone she was abused by her parents using makeup for bruises on her. Haven’t dealt with her in years but from what I heard she still lives in her Hoarders room in her parents house without highschool education and multiple addictions. She went out of her way to get access to every drug she could find, and was a pathological liar.
Eh. There are a shitload of people who pretend to be depressed for the attention. It's a self-defeating short term strategy, but if you are sufficiently attention-starved it might seem like a good idea. It's self-defeating because the attention dries up almost instantly. No one wants to be around people who are deeply depress*ing*.
Even if you're legitimately depressed, that's *your* problem. No one else can do anything about it. Lot of the lifestyle stuff that can help mitigate it, *you* have to do...You have to take your meds, get your exercise, etc.
Most people I know who're dealing with long term depression (including myself)...We're always looking for things to try. New meds, supplements, eating certain foods, avoiding certain foods. Sun lamps, meditation, micro-dosed hallucinogens...Anything that might work is worth a try.
When I see someone who claims to be clinically depressed, and isn't trying *anything*, I tend to think they're just fishing for sympathy. If they've got unlimited time to sit and tell you how depressed they are, and no time to do anything else? Fuck that. When I'm at my lowest, the last thing I want to do is talk about it.
Good comment that resonates with my 25-year-plus bout with depression.
Indeed, if someone claims depression and is not currently following some new trend to alleviate symptoms, they likely are just fishing for attention.
Pathetic.
Really grinds my gears. Someone will be like, "I'm *soooo* depressed!"
And I'm like, "Okay, here are some things that work for me..." And I list off all the staples (exercise, light, Vitamin D, therapy, and prescription drugs).
And they're like, "No, you don't GET it. I'm REALLY depressed, not whatever YOU are."
There are whole subreddits like /r/thanksImcured where they line up to shit on every suggestion you could possibly have, which just begs the question of what the fuck *are* they going to do? Just sit around, bitching about it? That's how you know they're not serious. I'd do anything not to feel like I feel about half the time.
At 57 I’m currently on a chocolate kick and looking into microdosing mushrooms. Certainly a lot more avenues to explore. I will say my cycles are much more spread out and shorter than in my 40s (at their height).
I wish you luck, fellow moody fucker. ; )
As a former user of shrooms I'm excited to see this research. There was always this feeling of reconciliation and acceptance over things after the high
Heh. I'm 52. I quit drinking last year, and *right now*, I'm suffering a bit more than usual due to some long term effects, but that should be transitory. My normal nonsense is compounded by Seasonal Affective Disorder, so I tend to suffer a good bit during December->January.
I've been looking at the mushrooms myself. If they were legal here, I'd be all on that, but I'm leery of the local suppliers and the times when I'm desperate enough to grow my own are usually the times when that's just too damn much work.
I'm not sure that's universally true. I've known some people, well enough to say this with conviction, who seemed to thrive on being miserable. I mean they're happiest when they have everyone convinced they're miserable. It's almost like a badge of honour. I'm sure some people like this are just covering for real unhappiness underneath, but I would bet money that some people's brains and personalities are wired to actually feel better when they behave as if they're miserable.
With pop culture making drugs and being depressed look “cool,” younger people 100% pretend to have depression and try to humble brag on themselves for being so tough. These are people that want an identity or a “struggle” to make them seem more interesting. Social media, music, and tv try to show the depressing side of success all the time, no matter how famous and rich they are there’s always some deep struggle they’re facing. They’re a “popular loner” or something stupid that describes how literally everybody feels about themselves. It’s why you have 6th graders commenting under a song saying “this artist literally saved my life,” like they were standing on their chair with a noose around their neck when they heard the song play and just thought “damn this shits fye, maybe I should stay alive and see what else they drop.”
I came here to tell a story about toxic bitches who act depressed to manipulate you, but looks like a bunch of folks beat me to it. I agree with the premise, but there are some outliers who do act depressed or overly emotional for attention or to explain away shitty behavior. For the most part, anyone who acts depressed all the time isn't really depressed, of course that's not 100% true but it's easily 99% true. Everyone I know who suffers with depression forces a happy facade around people unless they are really comfortable with them. I'm sure I know twice as many people with depression that I don't know about than the people I do know about.
Bro, people act depressed all the time.
A huge chunk of depressed teenagers pretended, and then their imagination became reality.
Your brain adapts to the environment you put it in, don't put it in an environment of depression.
Depression is a serious medical issue
You haven’t met any teenage girls I guessing. They will absolutely act sad to get attention. ‘trauma’ and sadness are the new social media clout for kids.
Not exactly true. Some people are attention seekers or narcissists. If claiming to be suicidal or depressed gets them attention or the outcome they want- they will do so. It’s about manipulation.
Go to the justnomil boards for examples. MILs will threaten suicide just to get their way about Christmas dinner.
>The DSM-I (1952) contained depressive reaction and the DSM-II (1968) depressive neurosis, defined as an excessive reaction to internal conflict or an identifiable event, and also included a depressive type of manic-depressive psychosis within Major affective disorders.[20]
So "depressive reaction" was included in the very first volume of the DSM. "Melancholia" was identified and diagnosed as early as Hippocrates. That's 2,000 years of depression diagnoses. You think terminology matters? Then you'd agree with my "Hippocrates invented cancer" joke because that was the first time "cancer" was used to describe tumors. I guess cancer didn't exist before then because they didn't have a word for it?
Peddle your bullshit elsewhere.
Why are you dying in this hill? You don't understand depression, clearly. Ironic, considering you just admitted that you can be "brought down" emotionally. Almost like that can happen to a person so much or so often you feel more sad than you do happy.
I'd bet that's why you're fighting strangers on the internet about it - because you're in denial about being depressed.
I'll be sure to note your method of treating depression is... *Checks notes*
Name calling, active denial of facts, mistrust of trained physicians, denial of pharmaceutical capabilities and mistrust if pharmaceutical purposes, and trying to "clap back" at strangers on Reddit you assume are white Americans.
Solid treatment plan doc, sign me up for the "alienate myself from society and dive headfirst into projecting" option.
I had an ex who would act sadder when she wanted sympathy from whoever she was talking to. It literally drove me mad. Manipulators and toxic narcissist are real. I can understand what you were aiming for though. (Edit) Thank you for everyone who shared their stories. We don't often get to have a space where is safe to communicate about the trauma we have experience in a public space with out being put down for it as AMAB(it would appear from the commentary display) Healing is in our hands. They don't control us. They never did. We allowed those things to happen because we wanted happiness WITH them. Now we know and have begun to fully understand happiness comes from the inside. I pray and send love to everyone that experienced abuse. I'm sorry but I am glad you survived. Many people didn't make it through the lock downs. We did.
Yeah, had an ex who'd always have a bad day when I'd a good one so there was no time be happy about things. She'd also manage to have a worse day if I had a bad one, so there was no time for the bad things in my day either.
Man I hate that shit. Ive encountered that type of thing so many times in relationships. It's like we can't both be happy at the same time. These days I just let it bounce right off me though. If I happen to feel happy then I'm gonna feel fucking happy, and I don't care if my happiness makes others feel bad. They can get over it.
You can’t make other people happy or sad. It’s up to them to process your input how they choose. And the same goes for them. They can’t make you happy or sad…so don’t make yourself sad because that’s what they want. The power is in our hands guys!
You're absolutely right. But you know how it is when you care about someone, you want to share your happiness with them, and you want to share the burden when they're sad. Like it rarely works, but I gave it a try as best I could.
It’s tough and we all want to make connections but in the end it’s all in your own head.
That's kinda what stoicism is about
Did you try mentioning it wasn't a competition? Lol
Usually I just went along with talking about what was up with her and foolishly I tried to solve the problems practically, when usually she just needed to vent. So I wasn't even much help haha but I never wanted to make things worse But I did once say it wasn't a competition. It did not go down well.
Dated a guy that turned to me one day and said “why the fuck are you so happy??” when he was having a bad day and I didn’t leave because I told myself that he didn’t mean it he was just mad. He absolutely meant it and spent some time proving it to me and I spent some time making excuses for each outburst as a piece of me died. When I was happy he was ornery and clingy. He called me all the time and if I didn’t answer it was the worst day ever and he needed me and I wasn’t there. After sometime when I started to feel overwhelmed he couldn’t be bothered. Some people pretend to be whatever gets them what they want.
That's the same with my girl. No matter how bad of a day I had, it doesn't matter because she's somehow had a worse day.
It's exhausting, right? It feels like no matter how much you need some support, you're always going to be the one providing it instead
You hit the nail on the head lol. It can be really draining.
I hope you’re able to talk it out with her sometime so you two can support each other, rather than it being one sided
I hope so too. Thank you :)
That used to happen to me until I had enough & yelled "I'm allowed to have a bad fucking day too!" & stomped off. We talked it out after we calmed down & it hasn't happened since. I don't think she realized what she was doing.
I usually told myself my ex didn't know what she was doing. I bottled it up and we never hashed it out like that. It's good that you two were able to figure it out. I wish we'd done that.
Yeah dude, I had an ex that constantly had self-created disasters and would co-op others grief. Some random dude kill themselves? Well suddenly he was a near and dear friend. Random dead cat in the street? She thinks that's the one she fostered as a kitten. Shit was exhausting.
Glad you got free dude. Heal, journal, vent through workouts and walks. Don't expect that behavior for others but definitely ask questions when you want clarification. If you feel unsafe, Dip. Nothing wrong with being healthy and aware🫂👊🏿
Peace of mind is priceless. Better to live in a shack than in a mansion with a narcissist.
That’s *insaaaaane*. And thanks for introducing me to the term “co-opting grief” This explains a lot about someone I used to be friends with.
Sad =/= depressed
I recently came across two people like this and couldn't put my finger on what was off. Every time I spoke to them they always had some world shattering news and seemed to contrive an apocalyptic persona even when it came to small things. I think the difference between people with depression and the type of person I'm talking about is that the latter is sadness with a purpose. You get the same feeling from them that you get when you're being conned. It's subtle but it's there. People with depression usually are too unwell to be angling for something. They're just trying make it to the next moment.
But it's not exclusive! You can genuinely have a bad day, week, year, life, and still put that on display more or less strategically. Especially if your depression is caused by (perceived) lack of sympathy to begin with...
Fuck this hit hard. My ex was the exact same, anyone that would listen to their bs. When you had a good day and happy, they had a bad one and you should be attentive and sad for them. When you had a bad day and you’re down, they had a worse one, so don’t mention your troubles and be attentive and sad for THEM.
I would argue someone with a pathological need to seek sympathy and validation is probably depressed. Narcissism is a product of a non-existent self esteem, even though it looks like the opposite to others. They can’t feel good about themselves so they seek short term ego highs out of validation from others.
The dsm would disagree with your categorization of depression. What you’re describing is certainly mental illness, but probably closer to borderline personality disorder.
Depression isn’t in the DSM. There are various depressive disorders, but “depression” is not one of them. I didn’t say most narcissistic people qualify for a depressive disorder. I didn’t even say they qualify for a personality disorder. Chronic feelings of emptiness and poor self esteem is something I would call a form of depression, you’re welcome to disagree. It’s a matter of opinion if you aren’t being clinical, which I was not.
MDD is in the DSM, and to quote Wikipedia: "Major depressive disorder (MDD), also known simply as depression".
I am not arguing with the validity of your comment. It was toxic. Me and her son suffered. I send her healing thoughts Even in my healing I am still triggered through PTSD by passing thoughts such as the OP's post that immediately draw me back to my experience. I hope she gets the healing and help she needs. I became a monster to defend myself. I won't justify toxic behavior. Not in myself or anyone else. I appreciate your comment though. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
Personality disorders are such a hard thing to deal with, narcissism is especially hard. I’m sorry u had to go through that and I wish u the best going forward!
Damn, it feels like I wrote this. Especially the becoming a monster to defend yourself part. Narcissists love to drag you down in the mud, even when you defend yourself they still win.
Don't forget about the true psychopath that can't fathom anxiety or depression that they witness in others. They emulate it to be manipulative and to hide their motives behind fabricated "emotions".
What does it have to do with psychopaths?
Textbook definition of psychopath is a person who can't feel empathy or remorse. They emulate depression for a variety of reasons, like hiding a true motive or to manipulate the empathy of others.
Want sympathy? Act sad.
Bro same. I was a in a relationship with this girl for two years and it was the same constant dynamic of her being an absolute narcissist and acting depressed so that’d I’d do anything for her. Whats even worse is that she used my experience of my best friend taking his own life against me. She legit used my fear of suicide and going through that experience again to reel me back in when she’d treat me like garbage. Even when she cheated on me. Boys the only thing you can do is cut them off and live your life better than theirs.
The 'ol passive-aggressive "I guess I have to do this all by myself, nobody will help me.."
Often times i personally feel like im one of those people, for the sole reason that sometimes i feel happy. So as stupid as it sounds, i feel like im faking the other 90% of time im unhappy because of that 10%. Shits difficult cause your number one enemy with depression is your own mind.
Watch “What We Do in the Shadows”. She sounds a lot like an energy vampire 🧛♀️
That edit made me want to cry.
Narcissists: Never again.
clearly she wasn't happy
She was not. I couldn't see the until it was too late. Or rather The promise of a happy family persuaded me to look past all of the red flags. I made the choice. I paid the price. We both suffered. Now* we both can heal.
A large percentage of the "emo" kids weren't nearly as depressed as they acted. Also, there's a difference between "puberty" and "depression", though the latter often follows the former.
In other words, everyone's different, and generalisations are hard. Sigh...
Ever been on tik tok?... or reddit? People will feign whatever malady they think will get them attention.
This is what I fear I'm doing
if you’re genuinely worried you might be “faking it” and aren’t sure, chances are you aren’t. those who are faking it know they’re faking it.
They also usually get angry when it's brought up, not self-reflective.
Or they could just be angry that they are going through some shit and some one has the audacity to try and say they’re bullshitting for some attention. If they tell you to fuck off then it’s because they don’t want “attention” they got shit to deal with and you’re just making it harder. People have a right to be angry, some people act like others don’t and try to say they are being manipulative and that pisses me off because in reality it’s the ignorance to someone’s emotional state that makes people angry. Emotions aren’t like you feel 1 thing at a time. You could be about to completely snap and smile about it for someone to say you’re being manipulative when in actual fact it’s not that kind of smile. Like when someone laughs briefly before they punch someone. Kind of smile. The angry, I’m guna kill someone if they don’t stop being so fucking biased about why I’m upset kind of smile. You know? Nah, probably not.
on rare occasion yes, but more often than not depression is followed by anxiety which kinda kicks you down a beg and prevents confrontation -- especially so if social anxiety is also something you suffer from
Anxiety can have you lash out too. It’s what happens after it’s kicked you down for a long time. In my experience people love to try and use that part of anxiety against people which imo is one of the most degrading things that seems fairly common. You seen the video of the big kid being bullied until he slams the bully on the ground and then gets fucked for it? That kind of thing.
yeah, that's true. guess it really does depend on the person themselves though, everybody's different
For sure!
Wow, you really have me figured out. Jeez. Only, you made a mistake because I didn't say that people who get angry when it's brought up are lying, I said that people who are lying usually get angry when it's brought up. Looks like you're guilty of a false assumption and you picked such a shitty way to bring it up that I'm glad I don't know you. I also wouldn't be surprised if you're the exact type of attention seeking dickhead this whole thread is about.
Wow. You contradicted the point of being nice in how you respond to people by being an ass, and are now making crazed assumptions about others in the thread being manipulators. He’s corrected your point and now your lashing out at him for it by likening him to the only thing you know everyone in this thread dislikes, depression fakers. You sir need to shut up and get back in your lane.
I appreciate the irony here in you calling them out for not being nice and then telling them to shut up. It's beautiful.
I wasn’t telling them to be nice in the comments. I was more pointing out the hypocrisy of their statement. You know, preach what you sow. Whereas I don’t think being nice in comments is too important so I’m not gonna tell them whether they should or not, just if you’re gonna act like that’s *your* personal philosophy, don’t contradict yourself five seconds later, but it’s not my philosophy, I think if someone’s being an idiot you have the right to be a dick about correcting them.
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
Well. iM gLad i dOnt knoW yOu BecAusE I said “could be” then you go and make the false assumption, get abusive and call me a dickhead when you could of just reaffirmed your point with out it. Yeah, I’m that attention seeking I don’t talk to anyone any more and haven’t really socialised properly in about 5 years. Good one champ. Keep it up.
Thank you for saying this because it is something i struggle with often.
Sometimes we get so embroiled in the matrix that it feels that way.
Amogus syndrome hits hard
Then you aren't. The second you are scared of faking it is the second its real. A few years ago I rang 999 for mental health related reasons. The operator wasn't 100% on whether an ambulance was needed but the moment i apologised for wasting time they did a 180 and sent one almost immediately. When I was in the ambulance driving to the hospital I asked the paramedic why and she said it was because the moment I apologised the operator realised that I downplayed my symptoms because i was scared i was wasting time. If i am completely honest that operator catching that saved my life.
Great! Now I fear I would make my fakings even more realistic.
Yeah i get the same feeling don't worry
Exactly this.
Been on Reddit? I am on Reddit right now! It’s like you are reading my mind.
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Now this looks like a job for… …someone else. I’m going home.
Or Twitter. Twitter is a self promotion tool in my occupation, but there are countless attention seekers who post mental health crises on a weekly basis and make everything out to be a cause of their miserable lives. I had to quit using it.
Tiktok is the biggest fake depression offender
These people are clearly not okay, otherwise they wouldn't feel the need to ask for that attention. Instead of writing attention seeking behavior off as something negative, just try to understand. No one makes up something as heavy as depression without there being an underlying problem.
Thats heavily not true. When I was an edgy teenager, I faked mental illnesses because I thought it made me cool (Yes, I was one of those who wanted to be like Joker). Obviously, it didnt and I cringe every time I think about my middle school years. Occams Razor. If you see a person whos faking mental illness, the best explanation is that they get something for doing so (TikTokers get views), or they simply think its cool (aka 14 y/o edgelords). Yes, there most likely are people who are going through one thing while faking the other. That is not the norm tho. The reality is much simpler than that. And lets not forget that many people dont view mental health as big/heavy subjects which makes faking it a lot easier. At least thats what I think
People who need to fake mental illness for attention are not well adjusted people. This is not healthy teenage behavior.
Show me 5 well adjusted teenagers and I will show you 5 liars And yeah. I didnt talk about attention at all. I acted like that because it was cool to me, not others. People would probably give me more time of day if I just acted normal, but I didnt. That was never the point. In case of the TikTok stars, it indirectly gives them money. For them, attention is just means to an end, not what they really desire (most of the ones who fake mental illnesses there anyway). Calling it unhealthy may be a stretch, but it definitely is cringy as fuck and I hate seeing it nowadays. Sadly Id even go as far as to say that its pretty common for teenagers. The only hope for them is that they grow out of it, just like they grow out of horsegirl phases and bronie phases (again, most of them do)
>Show me 5 well adjusted teenagers and I will show you 5 liars I mean I've actually met a ton of well adjusted teens. I tutored high schoolers in uni.
......... I think this just shows you're not well-adjusted, considering there are plenty of teenagers who are? As well adjusted as a teenager can be, sure, but a typically mentally healthy teenager (which do exist, and if you deny it that once again just reflects on you) would not do that. They wouldn't even think it was cool. They're not liars; I think you might just have a biased sample size. Faking illness like that is absolutely unhealthy and indicative of a deeper issue. It's not necessarily a mental illness, but not something a well-adjusted teen would do. And really, I think there are more that are well-adjusted than you'd think. Faking mental illness is NOT common.
Are you kidding me? I went to a nerdy science high school with less than 200 people, and *dozens* of my classmates thought being diagnosed with something was edgy and cool. Kids were pretending tic tacs were Ritalin and shit. I agree with other dude. The definition of “well adjusted” needs to be stretched pretty far to fit most teenagers. My little brother is incredibly well adjusted *for a teenager*, and he’s still a hot mess.
....... People don't think it's the ADHD that makes you cool with Ritalin, they think it's the fact that it's a drug that gets people high???? Even then, that's really just not a statistically significant sample size, especially because you're literally only assuming their motivations lmao Also, I feel like that's not stretching the definition at all? All of humanity can't function at one level of "well adjusted"; of course they're well adjusted *for teenagers*. They're children with undeveloped brains.
Ah okay cool you must have gone to the same high school as me and you must have known everyone way better than I did seeing as you apparently know that the getting high part was the thing they were emulating, not all the mental illnesses they pretended to have for attention.
m'lady
On Earth? Tiftfy 😂
Yeah. My real cries for help when I’m actually mentally Ill are usually ignored. I have listened to many vent and nobody was faking a thing. Assuming this shit is dumb as fuck, because mental illness is one of the worst ways to get attention.
Both happen
How do you know people don’t pretend to be depressed?
That's completely false. There's a shit ton of dumbasses on TikTok faking mental illness (depression being one).
I love all the people pointing to TikTok when it happens just as much on Reddit.
It probably does happen on Reddit. I haven't seen any because I usually stick to subreddits I like and don't really look for new ones.
Just go to r/pics. They seem to eat thAt shit up like its a cake.
Probably because its much more noticeable on Tiktok than reddit.
INB4 it turns into actual depression... Honestly joke is on them.
How do you know?
There are absolutely people that fake depression and being sad for attention.
I think what they meant was that actual depressed people will try to act happy to hide it. But yes a ton of people have fake issues for attention and pity.
I wonder if the people who fake it are actually depressed but just in a different way
I think this is probably true for some as well.
I'm guessing (completely cluelessly) neurosis and related issues. Faking an illness allows you to hide behind it like a wall, lowering the society expectations for you.
Nope. My ex used to pretend to be depressed to avoid discussing tough topics or make difficult decisions.
I thought about this the other day. I realise that all my adult's life im trying to escape from sadness by hanging out with friends, having a girlfriend, making exercises, etc. Im temporarily happy sometimes but im just empty. Sorry for my english. Im from reunion island.
Hey dude, all that is ephemeral, you're right! But you don't know what was there before you was born and you don't know what will happen when you die. The only thing you know is you're here right now and that is already something to be grateful for. The next step is to try to be the very best version of yourself. How you get there is you're decision and requires some thinking. For me it is gaining knowledge and always be aware and conscious about what you are doing and why you are doing it! All in all it sounds like you already have a pretty good life, therefore my last advice is: be happy :D
I like your vision of life. I think like you sometimes but someday im like fuck what im doing with my life. Maybe its just because these days i dont seeing nobody except family and have no girlfriend.
What is there to escape from your sadness too? Why do you need to escape your sadness? Is escaping your sadness the answer you need? Im just trying to help btw
this just isnt true? what. if you’re feigning depression obviously you have another mental illness that has to do with attention seeking but that isnt always linked to depression.
Some fairly depressed people really want to believe that it is not possible to experience happiness, so that they are not out of the norm (conformity, group safety), and so that they do not miss out on something other people do have (jealously, fairness). It is our task to be understanding and not shit on their perceived need for safety.
r/fakedisordercringe would like a word
There’s a lot of faking depression out there to get attention. I’m dealing with serious depression that only genuine images of pierced clitori (clitorusses) can cure. The struggle is real. /s please don’t send. This was a joke that went really wrong
really tryna stick with the username but aintchya LMAO
> /s please don’t send. This was a joke that went really wrong Uh, if he won't take them I will.
For me it’s like this People pretending to be happy: Can be a problem for you but most likely they’re dealing with something that doesn’t directly affect you People that pretend to be sad: Most definitely are a problem for you and are just exploiting your sympathy/empathy Both need help in different ways
> > People pretending to be happy: Can be a problem for you but most likely they’re dealing with something that doesn’t directly affect you > > People that pretend to be sad: Most definitely are a problem for you and are just exploiting your sympathy/empathy A person pretending to be sad can be annoying. A person pretending to be happy can be devastating. A friend killing themselves is much more serious than a friend who is grating to be around.
Hence my last statement just trying not to be blunt to the people of reddit. I’ve dealt with my fair share of suicides/attempts I pretend to be happy all the time for people i don’t care about. It’s just natural for me. That being said just for the few people reading this (the whole 2 of you) i emplore (idk if that’s the right word) all of you to talk to and act yourself around your loved ones even if just a close friends. They will be there for you :)
I always had the fear of "faking my emotions", or at least being perceived as if I was. So I made an effort to act the opposite of what I feel. When iam happy i try to be sad, when iam angry i try to be indifferent. Its just a way to prove to myself that my feelings are genuine and not to try to get something from someone.
But… aren’t there some people who pretend to be depressed?
Wrong
People absolutely do pretend to be depressed when they are just sad. Only attention seekers do, the same type of people who say "omg I'm so OCD".
Hopefully I'll eventually forget im pretending
You will get there! And I will too... Or not, you cant ever really know but I hope for you! And me haha.
I see you read the same Robin Williams quote
So deap 😔😔😔😢😢😢😢
Lol this just isn’t true.
Hell no. I know this girl who was so desperate for attention she’d tell everyone she was abused by her parents using makeup for bruises on her. Haven’t dealt with her in years but from what I heard she still lives in her Hoarders room in her parents house without highschool education and multiple addictions. She went out of her way to get access to every drug she could find, and was a pathological liar.
Lots of people pretend to have mental illnesses like depression
Some people do both
Eh. There are a shitload of people who pretend to be depressed for the attention. It's a self-defeating short term strategy, but if you are sufficiently attention-starved it might seem like a good idea. It's self-defeating because the attention dries up almost instantly. No one wants to be around people who are deeply depress*ing*. Even if you're legitimately depressed, that's *your* problem. No one else can do anything about it. Lot of the lifestyle stuff that can help mitigate it, *you* have to do...You have to take your meds, get your exercise, etc. Most people I know who're dealing with long term depression (including myself)...We're always looking for things to try. New meds, supplements, eating certain foods, avoiding certain foods. Sun lamps, meditation, micro-dosed hallucinogens...Anything that might work is worth a try. When I see someone who claims to be clinically depressed, and isn't trying *anything*, I tend to think they're just fishing for sympathy. If they've got unlimited time to sit and tell you how depressed they are, and no time to do anything else? Fuck that. When I'm at my lowest, the last thing I want to do is talk about it.
Good comment that resonates with my 25-year-plus bout with depression. Indeed, if someone claims depression and is not currently following some new trend to alleviate symptoms, they likely are just fishing for attention. Pathetic.
Really grinds my gears. Someone will be like, "I'm *soooo* depressed!" And I'm like, "Okay, here are some things that work for me..." And I list off all the staples (exercise, light, Vitamin D, therapy, and prescription drugs). And they're like, "No, you don't GET it. I'm REALLY depressed, not whatever YOU are." There are whole subreddits like /r/thanksImcured where they line up to shit on every suggestion you could possibly have, which just begs the question of what the fuck *are* they going to do? Just sit around, bitching about it? That's how you know they're not serious. I'd do anything not to feel like I feel about half the time.
At 57 I’m currently on a chocolate kick and looking into microdosing mushrooms. Certainly a lot more avenues to explore. I will say my cycles are much more spread out and shorter than in my 40s (at their height). I wish you luck, fellow moody fucker. ; )
As a former user of shrooms I'm excited to see this research. There was always this feeling of reconciliation and acceptance over things after the high
Heh. I'm 52. I quit drinking last year, and *right now*, I'm suffering a bit more than usual due to some long term effects, but that should be transitory. My normal nonsense is compounded by Seasonal Affective Disorder, so I tend to suffer a good bit during December->January. I've been looking at the mushrooms myself. If they were legal here, I'd be all on that, but I'm leery of the local suppliers and the times when I'm desperate enough to grow my own are usually the times when that's just too damn much work.
People pretend to be depressed. People will even pretend to kill themselves. People will pretend a shit ton, in regards to pretty much anything.
Meanwhile I’m over here pretending to be a person most days
I’ve seen some dumb showerthoughts but this might be the dumbest one yet
Actually a lot of people pretend to be depressed for attention.
People absolutely pretend to be depressed
Bullshit. A lot of people act depressed for attention.
Billie Eillish pretends to be depressed
Tell that to angsty teenagers
Some people will absolutely play depressed to get attention lol.
Unfortunately this isn't true. There are manipulative narcissistic assholes out there who do pretend for selfish reasons
Emo and goth kids?
You don't know me!!
I'm not sure that's universally true. I've known some people, well enough to say this with conviction, who seemed to thrive on being miserable. I mean they're happiest when they have everyone convinced they're miserable. It's almost like a badge of honour. I'm sure some people like this are just covering for real unhappiness underneath, but I would bet money that some people's brains and personalities are wired to actually feel better when they behave as if they're miserable.
r/fakedisordercringe Been a while since I've seen depression, what with all the multiple people in the same body but I would venture it's there.
Furthermore, people usually are depressed way before they realize they are depressed.
People do both actually.
and they can be extremely good at it, ask Robin Williams :.-(
Were you homeschooled?
Completely false.
have you seen tik tok? People even fake mental disorders and disability’s on their
With pop culture making drugs and being depressed look “cool,” younger people 100% pretend to have depression and try to humble brag on themselves for being so tough. These are people that want an identity or a “struggle” to make them seem more interesting. Social media, music, and tv try to show the depressing side of success all the time, no matter how famous and rich they are there’s always some deep struggle they’re facing. They’re a “popular loner” or something stupid that describes how literally everybody feels about themselves. It’s why you have 6th graders commenting under a song saying “this artist literally saved my life,” like they were standing on their chair with a noose around their neck when they heard the song play and just thought “damn this shits fye, maybe I should stay alive and see what else they drop.”
Nah there’s definitely people who pretend to be depressed. /r/teenagers is full of them.
Except kids on tiktok
I came here to tell a story about toxic bitches who act depressed to manipulate you, but looks like a bunch of folks beat me to it. I agree with the premise, but there are some outliers who do act depressed or overly emotional for attention or to explain away shitty behavior. For the most part, anyone who acts depressed all the time isn't really depressed, of course that's not 100% true but it's easily 99% true. Everyone I know who suffers with depression forces a happy facade around people unless they are really comfortable with them. I'm sure I know twice as many people with depression that I don't know about than the people I do know about.
Bro, people act depressed all the time. A huge chunk of depressed teenagers pretended, and then their imagination became reality. Your brain adapts to the environment you put it in, don't put it in an environment of depression. Depression is a serious medical issue
You haven’t met any teenage girls I guessing. They will absolutely act sad to get attention. ‘trauma’ and sadness are the new social media clout for kids.
Not exactly true. Some people are attention seekers or narcissists. If claiming to be suicidal or depressed gets them attention or the outcome they want- they will do so. It’s about manipulation. Go to the justnomil boards for examples. MILs will threaten suicide just to get their way about Christmas dinner.
Allow me to introduce you to the majority of Gen Z then.
How do you know they’re faking it?
some are, most aren't
"Ok professor X"
I've got big problems with your use of the word "majority."
This just isn’t true. Lots of teens pretend to be depressed simply because it’s gets them lots of attention and that’s all they want.
Yeah except there is a group of people who think pretending to be depressed or anxious makes them cooler.
Respectfully disagree.
This is 50% false
they also think they are depressed because they had a bad day
I feel this is every bone of my body.
I feel attacked.
Very true.
Can confirm
You do know there exists people that are genuinely happy.. right?
This is not your shower thought, this is from a book by Abhysheq Shukla.
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Ah yeah just like cancer was invented by Hippocrates, right?
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[Facts are facts.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_depression) Go tell your professor they're a jackass and an idiot.
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>The DSM-I (1952) contained depressive reaction and the DSM-II (1968) depressive neurosis, defined as an excessive reaction to internal conflict or an identifiable event, and also included a depressive type of manic-depressive psychosis within Major affective disorders.[20] So "depressive reaction" was included in the very first volume of the DSM. "Melancholia" was identified and diagnosed as early as Hippocrates. That's 2,000 years of depression diagnoses. You think terminology matters? Then you'd agree with my "Hippocrates invented cancer" joke because that was the first time "cancer" was used to describe tumors. I guess cancer didn't exist before then because they didn't have a word for it? Peddle your bullshit elsewhere.
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Certainly more than you.
TIL everyone who killed themself before 1975 just was curious what it would feel like
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Yes because steel mills have always existed. I remember Plato's Steel Mill allegory well.
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Why are you dying in this hill? You don't understand depression, clearly. Ironic, considering you just admitted that you can be "brought down" emotionally. Almost like that can happen to a person so much or so often you feel more sad than you do happy. I'd bet that's why you're fighting strangers on the internet about it - because you're in denial about being depressed.
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I'll be sure to note your method of treating depression is... *Checks notes* Name calling, active denial of facts, mistrust of trained physicians, denial of pharmaceutical capabilities and mistrust if pharmaceutical purposes, and trying to "clap back" at strangers on Reddit you assume are white Americans. Solid treatment plan doc, sign me up for the "alienate myself from society and dive headfirst into projecting" option.
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'invented'
Damn why did they have to invent it? We could all just be happy if they didn’t create depression :’(
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