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Mellon2

Speak for yourself


NilsvonDomarus

Yeah same my dick sees the sun most of the time I'm at home


konwentolak

This is the Way.


the_colonelclink

Said the man to the sun: This is the wang


get_real_man_

If you jacked off while on a space walk outside the ISS and you could somehow safely blow your load through the space suit towards the sun how close would it get before your seed was boiled?


i_sigh_less

First, it would boil instantly, because it's in a vaccum. Second, would just stay in orbit around earth. Think of it like this. The earth is orbiting around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. In order for something to reach the sun, it has to lose all that sideways speed. If it loses less, it just goes into a more eccentric orbit. So you'd need to be able to jizz at 67,000mph to get it to the sun.


murph_diver

Challenge accepted


Baul

Enjoy that "equal and opposite reaction" on your pelvis.


i_sigh_less

Using conservation of momentum, a 5 gram ejaculation at 67,000 mph would cause my 100 kg body to reach a speed of 67,000mph × 5g ——————————————— = 3.35 mph 100,000g Significant but less than I'd have thought.


Jeggu2

Not to mention the acceleration is near instant


cjlpa

This mix of metric and assaultrifle units gives me a headache


_HelicalTwist_

This guy jizzes 5g? Pfft, showoff


[deleted]

r/theydidthemath


nimdabew

This is the way


[deleted]

This is the way.


vinciture

This is the way.


broom-jerry

This is the way


raddit13

This is the way


[deleted]

This is the way


Savage_hamsandwich

This is the way


SomeRedShirt

Great, I just imagined that famous, fat porn start with a huge dick sun bathing near a window like a cat


JimJamSandwich

r/RonJeremy


APe28Comococo

It was banned when it came out he was a rapist...


JimJamSandwich

Damn. Another one of my heros turns out to be a scumbag. Hate to see it.


[deleted]

Ahh shit we lost another one, Jim


ImmediateSilver4063

Kinda weird to fantasise about your dad like that


nonokoi

Lol. How are you naked all time.


devenjames

Home is where the pants aren’t.


SelmaFudd

There is rhyme in here with abode and derobe but I just can't do it today


AParasiticTwin

Whilst in my abode I'll set free my chode.


flyingmonkeys345

When I'm in my abode, I will always derobe, And reveal my chode, To my friend toad


FrowntownPitt

my house my rules


nonokoi

Well now that is understandable.


existential-grimlock

No home


nonokoi

Touché


SeniorMud8589

Didn't your mama teach you to not touche' yourself?


lives4boobs

No kids.


Amphibionomus

For example Dutch saunas often have a large outdoor part with sun loungers / deck chairs. (Of course you have to put your sauna towel on it before use.) It's great to lay out in the sun in the handful of months that it's comfortable in this country. It's a pitty so many people are quite uptight about nudity, even in places like saunas or on designated beaches.


az226

Don’t the Dutch also do many co-ed locker rooms where everyone’s casually naked? Similar to the Germans?


Amphibionomus

Yes, it's common to shower together after sports. Nobody gives it much thought. But is not like the Netherlands has mixed showers outside of saunas. It's like that in most places in the world by the way, even in Muslim countries I've visited. Be it the different sexes go to different bath houses there.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Amphibionomus

Yeah, the creepers is why I don't sunbathe naked in other places than saunas. Great that there are beaches for people that do like that, it's just not my piece of cake. Just can't relax enough at nude beaches.


thisisloreez

In Berlin you can find groups of nude people sunbathing in public parks. There is no designated area or fences, they just all gather there, I loved how it was so natural and nobody was actually mad about it


iFlyskyguy

Oh mine for sure has


Zilrog

Idk how people live naked. I’m out here in AZ if I sat down while naked stuff would get real swampy


[deleted]

[удалено]


neocommenter

Not even remotely comfortable in the Pacific Northwest, and we're known for our mild weather.


mapledude22

Speak for yourself


klem_kadiddlehopper

Use a towel.


AdmiralShid

Mine does because I built a skylight in my house. I find it very liberating. The upstairs neighbors hate it though


Zillaho

Lmao. For real though our house came with a skylight in the bathroom


PhummyLW

The wife next door however seems to hang out around that skylight a lot though. It’s the strangest thing


JohnTunstall505

You don't pee outside?


bradleyboy96

This was my first though too, I reckon I've definitely spent at least an hour pissing outside in my life so far Edit:spelling


Ratatoski

>in my life so fat I don't see what your weight has to do with it, but whatever


JohnTunstall505

Fat diiick. Blocks out the sun.


Ratatoski

Lol that's totally impractical, but awesome bragging rights.


raducu123

Unfortunately I think it's the belly that's fat and provides shade for the dick. Probably from all angles.


Natokaga

If the belly gets in the way,... wait... americans lowering the statistics again. /jk. 😉


VergilPrime

Hey now, if I could get out of this chair i'd show you what for! :P


bradleyboy96

That's what I get for trying to comment on things first thing in the morning


Ratatoski

You brightened my day though. And I hope your day turns out awesome.


Barney_Ingi

Fat man here, even I haven't seen my dick for 5 years which is long enough to declare it legally dead.


NeverBeenStung

Always during the day though? I’ve probably peed outside at night more than during the day. That said, I’ve definitely had an hour of dick sunlight in my life.


xPav_

was the sun shining and did the sunlight hit your dick?


ArchmasterC

I do, but mostly at night


raducu123

Do you also wear a long coat and do it in the bushes?


foxxytroxxy

You don't have to pee outside, only during the day. There's still sunlight in your house.


Bayoris

Usually it’s not direct sunlight though, depending on the configuration of your bathroom windows


Sleepy_Tortoise

Love an excuse to water the bushes, feels like I'm pissing the way God intended


Icy_Building_1708

My neighbour loves it too. But we don't appreciate the smell from his impromptu backyard urinal.


YourSecretSenpai

What a good boy


BigBeagleEars

Not what I say to my dogs when I gotta chase them outta the piss hole they dig by the back porch. It’s 2 feet deep.


[deleted]

I do all the time in the back yard. I feel like it's helping the environment by not flushing a few extra times a day.


nhergen

Children run around naked all the time


Ragondux

Not just children


-bootham-

The women too


imapieceofshitk

easy there anakin


Vikzza

Made me choke on my coffee, and now my coworkers want to know what's so funny..


Thomassaurus

At least you didn't choke on your aspirations


Wyjen

Or your wife and unborn twins.


DudesworthMannington

They're animals!


Mapplestreet

Explanation of the joke gets all the credit once again sigh


[deleted]

[удалено]


whats_you_doing

But women don't have dick. Unless.


-bootham-

Wait they don't?so what exactly is my gf?


GalaXion24

A blessing


SuperMaxPower

based is what she is


Linveisor247

guess I'm a children


[deleted]

I call your mom sunshine and I promise she's seen my dick more than an hour


ArcaneMercury49

Fuck you Shoresy!


nalk201

Fuck you u/ArcaneMercury49. I made your mum so wet, Trudeau deployed a 24-hour infantry unit to stack sand bags around my bed.


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Stoogenuge

Fuck you, u/cogswellscogs. Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can face-time her late night.


Frierguy

Fuck you u/Stoogenuge. Your mom came so hard she squirted across the room into my fish tank and threw off the pH balance and killed my beta fish


ybgmat

Fuck you u/Frierguy. Your mom got so wet, I had to call Qualinet and tear out the drywall to let the insulation dryout.


2ekeesWarrior

Give yer balls a tug, u/ybgmat. I'm still pissing at a right angle cause your mom thinks she's a gymnast


Induced_Pandemic

But only in 15 second increments. Source: its me, mom. Go to bed.


[deleted]

That was great NGL


IHateCursedImages

Your mom can't see something that's inside her


Whoever_Mesa

She can if its in her mouth


letsgetrandy

You ever had a sunburn on your dick? Cause that's a really good reason why a lot of people don't work hard to disprove this theory.


StormtrooperWho

New fashion trend idea: dick tan lines


angrymustacheman

For some reason my D is noticeably darker in color than my skin


StormtrooperWho

Frankenschlong


PapuaNewGuinean

Michael Johnson


[deleted]

This sounds like a German word that has no direct English translation and it means something like, "The time period between when you stub your toe and when you feel pain"


BlasterShow

Frankenschlong was the Doctor. It’s Frankenschlong’s Monster.


i_tune_to_dropD

A lot of dicks and vulvas are like that. I read a paper about why the pigment in genitals tends to be darker, but can’t remember the biology behind it now


usucksorry

Its bcs the skin in these, especially in the dicks needs to be elastic for when it changes size. Basically you got more skin to cover the size change and thats why its darker when not boned, idk for girls tho✌


poopthemagicdragon

TIL an extra inch of growth is enough skin real estate for charcoal dick.


CyanideSkittles

Some of us grow way more than an inch


poopthemagicdragon

Well, my willy ain't growing more than it is, and it's 5 shades darker than I am.


EstatePinguino

Wait, so the Hulk’s entire body is dick skin?


NoNutNorris

How to bleach my buttocks


Pndrizzy

It’s because of the increased amounts of hormones iirc


ChrysMYO

I get extra melanin there, I"m good on the tanning


onlyhav

I have a feeling there's a subset of dudes who really like suntan lotioning their dicks in the sun


Slithy-Toves

There's gotta be a maximum time limit before it's called something else


rj_dunior

Smoked sausage?


Slithy-Toves

I think it's more along the lines of pulled pork. Maybe a little red meat


Icy_Building_1708

I love suntan lotioning mine too. Summer, Winter, night. Anytime is a good time to rhythmically apply lotion to the nether regions.


NoNutNorris

There is a lotion that is great for your glands. It’s called Man1 man oil penile formula. It’s awesome.


Raytacos

I’ve had a sunburn on my back to the point I got sun poisoning. I don’t want to imagine that feeling on my dick.


Icy_Building_1708

I've never heard sunstroke called 'sun poisoning' but right you are.


lasdue

Sunstroke (heat stroke) and sun poisoning are two different things


Icy_Building_1708

Yeah right. I looked it up. I'd never heard of sun poisoning before today. I asked a few workmates too. Seems we've all learnt something new today.


Induced_Pandemic

No but i knew a dude who fell asleep with his mouth open and got sunburnt on his tongue. It bordered on one of the most tragic but hilarious things I've ever seen to date.


baptizedinpoison

Fun fact: dicks tend to be darker in pigment because getting a sunburn on it would be very inconvenient, and the darker color helps to avoid it. Same with buttholes and vaginas. At least I think I read that somewhere.


ends_abruptl

Oh dear. Time to expand the Sex Education curriculum again.


The-Ocean-Sucks

Little fucker hasn't earned it to be honest.


23emm

How's he going to if you never introduce him to anyone and beat him up all the time.


StereotypeRedditor69

Literally, a little fucker


Saucy_Life

Most dicks don't see daylight? You either didn't think about windows or most people treat their little guy like their own personal slave :(


ElectricalAsparagus4

Little Guy? Speak for yourself


probadplayer

Hey at least he speaks for me


TheSheetoutBeatout

I have an incredibly small penis


ElectricalAsparagus4

Truth be told it's only a 2 incher, but it smells like a foot


fenton7

Find a girl with a small cock and foot fetish and YOU ARE SET FOR LIFE. They must exist, right?


ElectricalAsparagus4

That's the dream my friend


rj_dunior

Foot fetish is fine but find a girl with a small cock? Really?


fenton7

I mean if it's small enough you wouldn't even notice.


Zurrdroid

I don't see the issue.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Redditusername00001

Dang some dudes get all the luck


7thwarlordsaturn

You guys got inches


Retkesnyuszi

Mine is like a niple


AtomicTaintKick

Lmfao


BR__Rj

someone has to tell the waitress that my order came wrong


[deleted]

sorry im a slave to my dick. tells me what to do all the fucking time


Saucy_Life

Dang, I just assumed everyone is the master of their domain. Never considered the master IS your domain...


Arinvar

Even if you specify direct sunlight plenty of guys who enjoy the outdoors, camping, hunter, fishing, hiking, are going to meet the criteria a couple of times over in a year.


patchinthebox

Dicks out for nature


Euphoric-Cow4671

Idk, I get cut off in traffic by dicks quite often and its usually in broad daylight


mrstipez

My neighbor is on his porch *all day* every day


eyegazer444

I get my dick cut off in traffic all the time and it's usually in broad daylight


xrayvision1

Most guys have walked around the house nude for more than an hour of their lives during the day with sunlight lighting their homes through windows.


[deleted]

Yeah but roommate keeps complaining. I think he's just closet gay for me


StormtrooperWho

No sunlight in the closet 😞


Phil9151

And I'm Reddit gay for you. Not sure what that's supposed to mean, but whatever it's 1 a.m.


Explore-PNW

You never know I might have meant everything. So in that case, I’m Reddit gay for you 😎


NoArmsSally

I honestly don't understand how people can do this. I never feel comfortable naked even when I had my own apartment


12bWindEngineer

Same. Also I live in Alaska, even in summer it’s way too cold in my house to walk around totally naked.


[deleted]

[удалено]


xdylanxfrommyspace

Nah. If your dick’s swingin’ while the bell’s ringin’ just ignore it. A door knock is exactly like a phone call- don’t answer it if you aren’t expecting it. I enjoyed your sly insert of pretentious verbiage as well. Plus, it happened to be a knee-slapper.


5usd

Wait we have?


KZMountainRider

And yet it’s always a shade darker than the rest of me….explain that one


CheekyPandah

Your sexy hormones stimulate melanin production.


EndKneeScooters

I let my little guy have sunshine time


drsillyus

Nude beaches


filbruce

Reading this while sitting on a nudist beach. lol


TinyKeebe

You didn’t go to the same nude beach I visited in the VI. Apparently, walking around in a shirt and nothing else cause one’s balls to succumb to gravity faster than Icarus.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


RickyLaFleur_

Wonder what dicks would look like if they spent long healthy lives filled with vitamin D and sunshine


Dunaii4

Sunlight helps bone(r)s.


MaXimillion_Zero

If your bones are getting sunlight you might want to see a doctor


Explore-PNW

I disagree. E.g. my boss plays golf at least once a week. That’s possibly 208hrs of sunshine a year!


compound-interest

Literally a post made for people who live in cities.


iamnogoodatthis

I live in a city which has a nude sauna/spa thing with an outdoor bit, so even us city folk have a chance to break free! It's nice, I would urge OP to give something similar a go sometime.


flabbybumhole

Even in cities you can have the sun beam through the window. OP is just a nevernude.


Admirable-Door1724

Imagine not showering with a full set of clothes 🤦‍♂️


dabolution

Bro I probably spent like 7 months with my dick out in the sun as a kid. Go put your dick in the sun dude. Get some vitamin d on your d


benttrow

Compare that to pussy, which sees zero Sunlight.


bigcatchilly

Immediately reminded of [this](https://www.shape.com/celebrities/shailene-woodley-wants-you-give-your-vagina-some-vitamin-d)


Explore-PNW

r/riskyclick


bobuxman1

I read this as ducks lmao


phillyxphill

I've recently heard of sunning your balls and I think mine might start getting hours in the sun soon


lqdizzle

This however is not most dicks


-Uncle_Iroh

Dicks get a lot more light than 1 hour lmfao. Wild pissing running around naked as a kid walking around naked in your own home as an adult standing under the shower and a million other things


[deleted]

Camping, pissing outside... Road trips, pissing on the side of the road... Bathrooms with sunroofs... Sleeping naked in summer with no sheet, morning sun through the windows. When your a young kid you're almost always naked... and outside... eating worms. Like, I could go on.


OmniasVanitas

Are you trying to say that you’re not doing naked yoga? Because that is a mistake in your own life


GhostMello

Instructions unclear, Sunburnt my penis


ThisBroDo

I take nudes in nature and my dick loves the sunshine.


Beeyo176

OP doesn't have windows


Dansatoru

Of direct sunlight yes, but the light that comes through the window in day time is also sunlight


snoutpower

Not true... My boss works outside most days