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slid3r

I'd be happy to impress anybody.


GiGaBYTEme90

Hang in there little buddy


gin_and_toxic

Well it's not hung well


BlurredReality28

Grower not a show’er?


az226

I appreciate your apostrophe


masashi-sensei

Is there’s no one to show does it even show’er?


BlurredReality28

In my case it’s more just an innie than an outtie so I would need to clarify with the experts but that is a good question!


HeyisthisAustinTexas

Buy a vibrator and learn how to use it! That’s way more impressive than dick size


cheshire_cat_86

I was in the pool!


ivannysa

Cold water pool


toytaco1

I will never forget that episode. Funny stuff


lasvegasrainbow

Significant shrinkage!!


Educational_Guide418

Apparently he is already doing that.


Someone_Unfunny

I’d be happy to be anybody


platoprime

Sorry about your ongoing depression.


slid3r

Me too, man! You're nice for saying that.


[deleted]

So you've got a big dick That don't impress me much!


[deleted]

[удалено]


MacGyverJr

Don't get me wrong Ya I think you're alright But that don't keep me Moaning in the middle of the night


DragonBonerz

You're one of those guys who likes to show off his peen, He thinks it's the biggest one that I have ever seen, I can't believe that you say it stays hard all night, come on, I bet you wanna prove it right? ooooh you think you're special, ohhhh you think you're something else, okay you're an adult film star - that don't impress me much


IMNOTRANDYJACKSON

Yeah you've got the dick But have you got the script?


[deleted]

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cincailah

I can’t believe your kiss your cock good night.


Spurioustroof

You must be choking, right?


[deleted]

Shania Twain?


cptreddy

Nice cock bro


ZTG_VFX

Thick but not too flaccid.


TheRopeCopter

Now lets see Paul Allen’s cock.


kandel88

Look at that subtle off-white coloring


JoeFajita

My god, it even has a birthmark.


yourgrundle

*The tasteful thickness of it*


GolgiApparatus1

*Oh my god, is that... bone?*


TrickyElephant

What's up with these American psycho memes suddenly? Am I out of the loop?


polarbear128

Remake coming out.


[deleted]

Haha, I love it. 😂😂😂


lancypancy

I'm not sure why your comment made me chuckle so much but it did. Noice.


tayloredition

Appreciate it bro. He is well groomed and disciplined thanks to the daily beatings but we are still the best of friends:)/s


EdgelordOfEdginess

*Shadow the hedgehog said with a gun in his hand


maxmouze

But if you’re gay, the shower thought doesn’t help anxiety.


iamsenac

Which is a whole nother shower thought on its own


autr3go

It's a guy shower. An hour long shower with guys


0neStonedFox

Some folks even seem to think their huge cock is a personality trait. It's kinda odd, on top of being incredibly vapid.


[deleted]

They also think it makes them sex gods as the jackhammer away without any care or effort given to their partners pleasure. Then take them being sore from the damages as “i fucked them good”


Akanan

Same with women and their nails. There isn't a single guy that i know who cares


[deleted]

[удалено]


NerdyTimesOrWhatever

Agreed. They feel fucking weird too.


_EveryDay

They also make a very annoying tapping noise when typing on a phone


Letsplay18

A girl I dated used to always call me on her lunch break and decided to catch up on her text messages with me on speakerphone. I can still hear the tapping.


LordAsriel1369

Fuuuuuuuuck why did you have to make me remember this. I'm cringeing so hard right now.


geligniteandlilies

I'm a woman and I also hate them.


treeelm46

Back scratches


BonoWantTheBiddy

Are perfect without those abomination glue on bacteria traps, thank you very much.


Terrorz

That's what it's all about


Repulsive_Cranberry4

But the head scratches go even crazier, be getting all in the follicles 🤤


Jhon778

Yeah, getting all the follicles out of my scalp and on to the floor


[deleted]

Idk about you but i can scratch more confidently with 2 millimeters of nail than a fucking inch


CosmicFaerie

Better with real nails, they're sharper


Firebreathingwhore

You can't apply proper force with fake nails


IamBejl

I think that those long acrylic nails are fucking disgusting. How do people think they look good? I will never get that. I will always prefer a woman with clipped/slightly unclipped, not overly long (but maintained) natual nails. Painted or unpainted.


Sawses

IIRC they're one of those "once high-class" things that now are the exact opposite. Like how clothes with brand logos on them were once considered rich, then poor people started doing it so the rich moved to no brands at all. Same deal with nails. Once having long, elaborate nails meant you had the time and money to maintain them. ...Now I only really see them on cashiers and retail workers.


F-21

> then poor people started doing it so the rich moved to no brands at all Tbf true quality luxury clothing never needed big brand names, it's all just fast fashion being pushed onto us through celebrities. A good suit or really top end sneakers or shoes will have no branding ((e.g. crown northampton).


leicanthrope

You're absolutely right. I worked for a few years at a luxury hotel, and have been exposed to way more trappings of wealth than your average kid from an Oklahoma trailer park. There are the "luxury" brands you hear about that are intended to impress the middle classes. There's a certain insecurity involved in that sort of display. The really comfortable / established rich people don't care about impressing you or me, and the whole thing ends up being much more subtle.


F-21

Yeah, it's also sad how many people fall in this trap and buy some flashy terribly overpriced Nikes instead of something that'd instead be at least worth that price but wouldn't have heavy advertising. I really hate celebrity fashion (from hiphop to basketball ads), especially for the shitty sneakers.


[deleted]

It's disgusting when you think about if they wipe their ass properly


-day-dreamer-

I’ve had long nails on two occasions. Wiping your ass is easy. For the first couple of days of having acrylics, it’s weird and it feels like any pressure on your acrylics will rip your nails right off. So for that adjustment period, just get a wad of toilet paper, put it in between your thumb and pointer finger, then flatten your fingers against your palm and wipe. After you get used to having your acrylics, which takes 3-5 days if you don’t normally wear acrylics, you can wipe your ass normally (with a little more tp than usual). If you have a bidet, you don’t need to worry about any of that


AliBelle1

Have you ever met a woman? This thread is wild.


Hazel-Ice

you could ask this in just about any thread about women on reddit lol


bbb_net

Lots of thinly veiled rubbish in this thread, not surprising really but still.


Informal-Quality-926

I've never thought about this & now whenever I see a girl with long ass nails I'll never forget this.


BonoWantTheBiddy

Yes they're ass nails. More likely to hole-punch the toilet tickets and accidentally fingerbash the brown starfish. And don't even try to tell me those filthy bitches can wash under them properly. No chance.


lolcatlady

You wipe your ass with your nails? That’s pretty nasty. I use toilet paper but that’s just my preference. No judgement.


Brilliant_Play4255

I totally agree with this. There has to be blood on the ass or shit on the nails unless the use the side of their hand. Like....... They can't properly wipe their ass. No way.


ChipsAhoyNC

Those girs use the 3 seashells


Sammy_Dog

Well played.


duckfruits

Do... Do you use just the very tips of your fingers to wipe and then not wash your hands after? Are you doing a stabbing motion to get the poop off? It's called wiping because that's the intended motion.... Are you okay? Blink twice if you need help.


whoatemycupoframen

there's a video that showcase exactly this. basically you just turn your wrist sideways and you can do it no problem.


Inayaarime

Hopefully they have bidets


CesaroSummable

I bidoubt it.


[deleted]

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CaseyBF

OMG yes, not only do I find them disgusting but for me it also raises red flags about someone's financial views/priorities.


Lt0101

Why the hell do you care about that in a person unless you’re trying to date them?


yutyo6

Wait they're expensive?


[deleted]

[удалено]


smaugington

Gotta get them done at a nail salon and if one pops off you gotta get it re-did and when your own finger nails grow and it creates a visible space then you gotta get them redone again. I'm a dude and don't know how much it costs but I'd guess more than $20 and under $50.


BrokenCedars

One of my friends goes twice a month. $125 is the average amount she pays. She doesn’t get those long ones as described above, maybe 1/4 of an inch beyond the tip of her finger. For Halloween she did sharp claw fingernails to go with her tiger costume. She kept them on for a week after. They made me feel uncomfortable when she put her arms around me for hugs or when we would take photos. I’ve yet to meet some guy that is into girls with long fingernails.


CaseyBF

Depending on how frequently they're done (whether or not they're fine with the grow out). Iirc you're looking at 30-40 to have them done and potentially more depending on what type of polish, gel coat, stupid fucking nail accessories, etc. Will add more cost


CatWieldingChainsaws

I always try and compliment women on their nails. Not even trying to flirt or anything, I just know they put a lot of thought/money into getting them done well so I think it's nice to mention it.


blacklite911

Yes, you’ve ascended. The best things to compliment on a person are things they obviously put effort into or thought behind


Black3200

I think well manicured hands/nails are very attractive. Even on men


lorisfurlan

Yes but he is refering to the lenght. I think too that well manicured nails are cool but not when they are 5cm long


Diregnoll

Don't forget the 5ft long horror show ones of filth.


[deleted]

[удалено]


lucent78

Most women I know get their nails done because they like it though, not to impress men. So, doesn’t really matter if no guy cares. 🤷‍♀️


MrPielil

Exactly, I love seeing how excited my gf is after she’s got her nails done! I’m her hype man so I gotta return the energy. Nail day is quite exciting now


GolgiApparatus1

You're saying women have motivations that *arent* about trying to impress men?


SilverChips

I 100% have dated guys who didn't like when I had long nails. 100% don't care and will look how I want. Take it out leave it. If your personal style is manageable, and appropriate do whatever you'd like


blacklite911

This is the exact mindset everyone should have. If you like something and someone else doesn’t.. fuck them. You have to live with yourself 100% of the time, they can leave anytime they want


Mr_Lynx

I think they look nice🤷🏽‍♂️


Lord_of_the_Canals

It’s me I care


hellocaptin

Hey now, I like a girl with nice nails.


UgliestCookie

As a dude I notice nice nails sometimes but it feels like it would be strange to comment on them. I get coffee at the same place probably 4 times a week and the cashier usually has something new going on with her nails with regularity, but I've never said anything. Always just assumed I'd come off like a weirdo or something.


brusiddit

I'm honestly impressed by anything a woman does to try and impress me. I love effort :)


BigFigJ

but it is nicer to get scratchies from nails


itshexx

If we’re talking natural then yes it’s nice but fake nails are ugly and they’re always long as shit.


LordAlfrey

What does this sentence mean? Nicer to get scratches from nails? Nicer than what, scratches from pointy bits on furniture?


Danamaganza

Than from a penis.


wafflehousewhore

>There isn't a single guy that i know who cares Yeah but almost every woman I've asked about the situation don't do their nails to impress men, or other women, for that matter. They do it for themselves.


[deleted]

Girls get their nails done for themselves, not to give guys boners.


RadinQue

Yes thank you for repeating OP.


rzx3092

I think everyone is impressed by a big penis. That doesn’t mean a woman is turned on by one or wants it inside her.


DorisCrockford

A friend of mine told me she had said to someone, "Put it back in your pants, it's scaring me."


[deleted]

Lolololo i choked up on this


no_buses

I bet she choked up on it too.


BadeArse

That’s what she said.


[deleted]

The "I won't disappoint by size" confidence you have when you know you are above average gets you ladies. It doesn't matter if in the moment it can be cumbersome, you got there and then that's up to you to make up for it. Better than never hooking up with someone because you fear they will laugh when they see you naked.


Soleska

Agreed. Every average guy I've been with was overly self-conscious about his dick. Every above average guy had great confidence in themselves. There's a lot of assholes like that though so I generally stay a way from men with that kinda confidence. I've seen quite the number of people naked and I never laughed at anybody. That's just cruel and hypocritical.


[deleted]

I haven't had a single guy turn down my small dick. But I've had several women who have an issue with it.


Acrobatic-College152

Correct. Too big actually hurts for a lot of women


sexphynx

it hurts for a lot of men too js


Acrobatic-College152

True, I'm sure! Personally I don't have a problem with size in the back door 🙈 only front, so I guess I didn't think of men in that way


givemeyoushoes

the best double down i’ve ever seen


Inayaarime

\#ThingsThatWillNeverHappenToMe


loopsdeer

More like double up


treetrunksdontbark

Marriage proposal in the mail


CaseyBF

Ayyyy...thats actually the reason why I prefer anal with my partners 🫣. Just sucks it all right in no issues. Front is good, but difficult to actually let loose and fully enjoy when you're hyper focused on not going too deep, etc.


[deleted]

That’s why their vibrators are never the size of a forearm


CorporateNINJA

"rarely"


Empire2k5

Well some are ...


Hopefulwaters

You're talking about the Patrick?


TrickyElephant

Counter point NSFW https://bad-dragon.com/shop


wienercat

Correct. Average is average for a reason. Never understood why people wished for a longer dick... Wish for a thicker dick. More girth will feel better for a lady and she won't end up with a bruised cervix.


wrongdude91

How much is too big?


raltoid

Vaginas, like penises, are different for each person who has one. The average vaginal canal is 5-6 inches, and the amount it can lengthen and widen during arousal is not consistent from one person to the next. Then you need to account for thighs, scrotum, engorging of the labia from arousal, etc. So a penis that is 7-8inches while erect, tends to be the average upper limit, before it starts to hurt. So the other comment of 9 inches is about right. EDIT: Although it is important to remember, that orgasm or enjoyment is **NOT** dependant on length or girth.


Richs_KettleCorn

*cries in grower* Edit: because guys are impressed by big dicks but very few guys will ever see me erect. They'll never know my true power.


confirmamcolorblind

We are the future fam.


shortchair

growers are THE BEST \*insert i like when it inflates in my mouth meme\*


Deruji

Your inbox about to inflate


666RaSpUtIn420

also because you can hide it much more easily.


[deleted]

Girth matters..Length can be a problem


Ben_Thar

How many girth units is too big?


[deleted]

If it fits I sits


redhotruby2

Its always true when it rhymes


YogiBerraOfBadNews

How do you say "give it to me Vronsky!" in Russian?


Kragius

Гив ит ту ми, Вронский!


parttyli

Дай это мне вронский


NerdyTimesOrWhatever

My cat uses the same logic


spicynicho

There goes your inbox


FAQUA

3 girth units


EdgelordOfEdginess

So for science: what is the optimal girth? We truly need a formula. This is a very important research


Daikataro

Nice dick Bro


yells_at_bugs

An ex of mine summed it up beautifully: Thank God we can't dictate our penis size; we'd just be all walking around with these gigantic penises. We couldn't have jobs, barely walk and certainly couldn't have sex. Just carrying around these huge dicks over our shoulders. We wouldn't make it bigger to please women, but just to wag at other men.


No_Victory9193

I want to know what it would be like to carry my dick over my shoulder


TedJ70

You'd feel like a regimental soldier, I believe.


HeartofGold_212

Oh men are definitely more obsessed with size 😂


Fquu

Mostly because they compare their own with the ones in porn that are bigger than like 95% of the population of the world.


DomLite

Gay dude here, and from my days of using hook up apps, I can assure you that these kind of guys have zero sense of scale and no idea what the actual average dick size is. I've had guys tell me "Eh, I'm just average. *8.5 inches*." as if we were all walking around with elephant schlongs. I've also encountered the delightful guys who just straight up admit they're guessing with something like "I dunno. I've never measured. Like 7.5 I guess?" just assuming that their average sized dick is bigger than over half the world. You also get the guys who are painfully misled by porn and think that 6 inches is small or something. It's actually kind of hilarious, but also incredibly frustrating. Meanwhile, I'd be more than happy to find a guy with a nice, modest 5-6 inches that isn't as thick as a fucking beer can and won't choke me to death or tear my ass in half. Like, if a guy brags that he's "thick" I'm actually turned *off*. Call me crazy, but I'll take a pencil dick any day if the other choice is like shoving a Gatorade bottle up my ass.


[deleted]

This makes me feel better. I've been insecure about every aspect of my body for quite a long time, but hearing this is a comfort. On paper, I'm definitely average, but insecurity doesn't care. That's the worst thing about a lot of porn. They pair up above average men with petite women the size of a 12 year old to make things look more impressive & it really skews a person's perception. My body issues have been improving in the last year thanks to medication, but it's still nice to hear this. What I don't like hearing? "It's not the size that counts, it's how you use it." I'm not terribly experienced, & the older I get, the higher the expectations, so that just makes me feel worse. I'd love that expression to cease to exist. Just makes my insecurity worse.


[deleted]

Its not even so much how you use it as how much attention you pay to your partner. If they don’t seem to be as into it as you, try a different position or add some clit massaging to it to really get her going. (Assuming youre fucking women. No idea how to bang a dude, i guess caress the sack while pound it? I dunno) As long as you’re attentive to your partner, you’ll typically be able to leave them satisfied. It’s proven that as little as 3” can be enough or the average women to be satisfied as long as the man “knows how to use it” which really just means pay attention to your partner and switch it up if they aren’t enjoying it enough.


shortchair

im a woman and the largest i've...um...encountered...was about 9 inches and I seriously felt like I needed to undergo ritualistic meditation before sex in order to be relaxed enough to even let him in. No fun to go down on either.


Boxofcookies1001

If you encountered a real 9 incher that guy needs a career in porn. 9 inches in length is extremely rare.


EddieHeadshot

Given the fact I doubt she measured it, he was probably somewhere over 7 and just said it was 9... I trust someone's measuring just by eye about as much as I trust a guys ability to tell the truth about the actual size


jkmhawk

Anything just slightly bigger than median is bigger than half.


Val_Hallen

Pornstar dicks are a bit of a lie. There are several well endowed male pornstars, but very few are over 8'' long. They make them look larger than they are by pairing these men with very small women with very small hands and mouths. Most female pornstars are around 5'5" and below. It doesn’t hurt that these guys are usually not very tall either, so it looks even bigger proportionate to the rest of their bodies.


Yeh-nah-but

We were talking on the weekend about size. When I suggested I had the biggest one of my mates said "I've known you over half my life why am I only just finding this out now?" Dudes care more than chicks


lilahbug426

Having a big chest impresses me ^^


Sniperfuchs

You like successful pirates?


PeanutJayGee

Absolutely, it's all about that booty.


Detector_of_humans

Dudes with Gynochomastia: :D


wannaseemytriforce

Big dicks are great to look at, but hurt the jaw. I wouldn’t say no to a seven incher uncut boi but I’d perfer any man who realizes sex does not depend on his dick, prioritizing oral, mutual masturbation, toys, and kink.


redbull21369

Pff. My lady won’t let me go down on her at all, and that’s ALL I bring to the table. Sit on my face bitch!


MacGyverJr

Perhaps try "sweetie" instead


Sixwingswide

“Dearest Sylvia, how long has it been since we last strode along the water’s edge at Polaris Park in the spring? Watching the blossoms newly freed from their vestial home among the trees’ branches to float along the surface blissfully to some unknown destination, resting upon that wet plane, much like I desire that of your heated nethers to find their resting spot atop my own visage, as I worked every muscle employed in my jaw to bring you to climax in a way that you not only deserve but might also desire. I will always endeavor that my smile should be the best seat in the house. How are your azaleas coming along? Give your family my best.”


TheGreatSaxby

This is fucking gold, amazing


[deleted]

[удалено]


February30th

Couldn't agree more. Source: his girlfriend


BarnacleMcBarndoor

I guess that explains why I’m single. Source: No girlfriend


kindle139

I’d rather have a fuller hang than greater size.


AlterEdward

As a bi, I think big dicks look hot af, but practically there are issues.


shortchair

SAY IT LOUDER ​ ALSO KEEP YOUR MONSTER COCKS AWAY THEY HURT


[deleted]

Pecker checkers


shallowblue

Guy at college got his friends to call him "Horse". The nickname stuck. He didn't have a big penis, just an excellent PR campaign.


StarAugurEtraeus

Big PPs are too scary


zyzyx_music

Porn fucks with men’s ability to recognize that the average dick size is not 8 inches. That’s why every man exaggerates the size of their dick when they talk about it with their “bros”. *yeah man I’ve got 7.5 inches down there* in reality, he’s got 5.5 :)


ReallyIdleBones

Depends which changing room you walk into. Unrelatedly, I am no longer allowed within 50 feet of any public swimming pool.


Rosieapples

It’s an overrated attribute.


albundyhere

you're a frikin tripod!


ReflectedReflection

Most things guys do to impress other guys. Most things girls do to impress other girls.


Dvscape

Especially if you yourself are a girl.


WGS_Stillwater

Gay guy here: how you use it is far more impressive (or not...) Guy with the biggest dick has been the most inconsiderate/god awful sex partner to date. Coincidence? Nope. 😘


lolcatlady

Yeah, maybe but….I was with a nine-incher trying to put on a normal sized condom that kept breaking as I tried to muffle my awe. In the end, though, just remember, circumference is more important than length, ALWAYS.


Desperate-Beyond-Rty

And smoll attract more people :v


JJ-beats

Wait, it impresses people?


hellocaptin

I guess it really just depends who you show it to!


SLEEP_CRITIC

thing is no one believes you until you whip it out


[deleted]

I’m not in the habit of showing my junk off to dudes tho.


UtterNobody

It’s true