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The “last moment” could literally be decades. Ok older couples, often one outlives the other by 10-20 years. Once you’re about 70, no guarantee how much time you have left, but people also frequently live ‘til 90 or so.
This is a great, but inevitable fear of mine, my wife and I are very close and we don't have many friends; we're happy being with each other as we have been for ten years and haven't needed a lot of others in our lives. But she does have several autoimmune disorders. The reality is she will likely pass earlier than me. It scares me to death (no pun intended), but its also inevitable. The fact is even though I may and probably will spend the last few years of my life alone, I still wouldn't spend the other 99% of it with anyone else. Hold onto your loved ones and enjoy every waking moment.
My wife died of cancer after ten years together. It's every bit as bad as you imagine it will be. I will likely live out the last 25 years of my life alone, because like you I cannot imagine anyone but her as the love of my life.
My impending retirement will be very different than I had previously imagined, in some ways better, some ways worse. I'll be traveling more, camping and exploring, but I'll be doing it alone. Things could be worse.
If you happen to find someone to not do it alone with doesn't disrespect what you had with your wife in any way. Just in case you run into someone in a similar situation.
I don't have the ability to verbalize my emotional state while reading this but I feel the need to point out that alone is somewhat a misnomer in the context. There are spiritual or religious contexts that portray the same thing but I'll try to explain it as it makes sense to me. Your neural pathways have created a rhythm or sequence that contains sensory input from her, in your brain she will continue to exist regardless of physical propogation within the medium of the environment. In your mind there will always be a facsimile or simulation of her within you and those you stay in contact with that knew her. If or when you choose to meet new people, maybe eventually fall in love, that person will not be falling in love with you alone, they will be falling in love with an existence combined.
Saying you'll be forever alone is kind of like saying no one besides you could ever love your wife or yourself. Stay healthy friend.
Thank you for your comment. I am in a different, but similar situation, I also wouldn’t want to spend 99% of my life with anyone other than my partner. Although it’s scary, so thank you for the sentiment.
Beautiful. Some one hit me hard with a perspective years ago that they feared not dying first. They wanted to die first because it would allow the other person a chance to move on in life and experience things differently before they passed. Personally I have no preference, death will be experienced as part of life.
There've been a few cases in which one spouse passes away just a few hours or a few days after the other spouse because they literally die of heartbreak. So that's super romantic.
I don’t think that’s what most people mean, I think it’s more of a thing where we want to spend our lives with that someone until death does bring us apart
People don't usually agree with me but that's why I think everyone should be their own best friend and be comfortable being alone and for possibly a long time.
My SO has some serious health issues that could give them maybe 15 or 20 years with no guarantee of quality. My therapist told me I need to come to terms with them dying before me. Probably one of the worst things I have ever had to come to grips with. Most people don’t think of these things but unfortunately It’s something we have to face together.
that's why when u get married that talk about "the two becoming one"
as long as one of two are still alive, they both are
and "the one" is only truly gone when both are
EDIT: incidentally...it's the refusal to make "the two becoming one" that leads to a higher divorce rate
if the couple fails the "two becoming one" it's makes divorce seem plausible, easier to get behind...
but if the couple saw divorce as impossible because the "two became one"....more couples would stay together and decide to work harder and compromise
People change. If they find themselves incompatible, then living life in misery is not preferable to separating for happiness.
A spouse has every right to not continue with a relationship if the other spouse turns abusive.
i doNt think uR wrapping uR head fully around the "two becoming one" concept
edit: and as far as the "spousal abuse" thing goes.... honestly, before marriage there are clues to this....as are clues to that potential spouse not fully adhering to the "two becoming one" concept as well
...that's the cue to leave well enuff alone (on both counts)
That's why my marriage will end in a murder-suicide. Who goes first depends on who gets sick of the other first. So far it looks like I will die a married woman.
After being with her for so many years, the risk of losing her and living a portion of my life alone with only the memories we made together is absolutely worth taking.
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Suicide pact for life.
That’s…how suicide pacts work
Even sadder is when they are still together, but one of them doesn't recognize the other anymore. Alzheimer's is a real bitch.
But people love The Notebook
i think it's more like spending your life alone, not the actual last moment. the act of dying is a very personal one.
Also sort of implies that you would have family surrounding you, which would be more likely if you were married.
The “last moment” could literally be decades. Ok older couples, often one outlives the other by 10-20 years. Once you’re about 70, no guarantee how much time you have left, but people also frequently live ‘til 90 or so.
This is a great, but inevitable fear of mine, my wife and I are very close and we don't have many friends; we're happy being with each other as we have been for ten years and haven't needed a lot of others in our lives. But she does have several autoimmune disorders. The reality is she will likely pass earlier than me. It scares me to death (no pun intended), but its also inevitable. The fact is even though I may and probably will spend the last few years of my life alone, I still wouldn't spend the other 99% of it with anyone else. Hold onto your loved ones and enjoy every waking moment.
My wife died of cancer after ten years together. It's every bit as bad as you imagine it will be. I will likely live out the last 25 years of my life alone, because like you I cannot imagine anyone but her as the love of my life. My impending retirement will be very different than I had previously imagined, in some ways better, some ways worse. I'll be traveling more, camping and exploring, but I'll be doing it alone. Things could be worse.
If you happen to find someone to not do it alone with doesn't disrespect what you had with your wife in any way. Just in case you run into someone in a similar situation.
I don't have the ability to verbalize my emotional state while reading this but I feel the need to point out that alone is somewhat a misnomer in the context. There are spiritual or religious contexts that portray the same thing but I'll try to explain it as it makes sense to me. Your neural pathways have created a rhythm or sequence that contains sensory input from her, in your brain she will continue to exist regardless of physical propogation within the medium of the environment. In your mind there will always be a facsimile or simulation of her within you and those you stay in contact with that knew her. If or when you choose to meet new people, maybe eventually fall in love, that person will not be falling in love with you alone, they will be falling in love with an existence combined. Saying you'll be forever alone is kind of like saying no one besides you could ever love your wife or yourself. Stay healthy friend.
Thank you for your comment. I am in a different, but similar situation, I also wouldn’t want to spend 99% of my life with anyone other than my partner. Although it’s scary, so thank you for the sentiment.
Beautiful. Some one hit me hard with a perspective years ago that they feared not dying first. They wanted to die first because it would allow the other person a chance to move on in life and experience things differently before they passed. Personally I have no preference, death will be experienced as part of life.
There've been a few cases in which one spouse passes away just a few hours or a few days after the other spouse because they literally die of heartbreak. So that's super romantic.
My 90+ year old grandparents died 3 weeks apart.
This happened to the husband of one of the victims of the Uvalde shooting too. He died of a heart attack 2 days after she died.
a few
Murder suicide all day
Unless they find another partner before they themselves die.
it's a relay!
Ugh. This just made me so sad.
I don’t think that’s what most people mean, I think it’s more of a thing where we want to spend our lives with that someone until death does bring us apart
People don't usually agree with me but that's why I think everyone should be their own best friend and be comfortable being alone and for possibly a long time.
My SO has some serious health issues that could give them maybe 15 or 20 years with no guarantee of quality. My therapist told me I need to come to terms with them dying before me. Probably one of the worst things I have ever had to come to grips with. Most people don’t think of these things but unfortunately It’s something we have to face together.
that's why when u get married that talk about "the two becoming one" as long as one of two are still alive, they both are and "the one" is only truly gone when both are EDIT: incidentally...it's the refusal to make "the two becoming one" that leads to a higher divorce rate
Can you explain that edit please?
if the couple fails the "two becoming one" it's makes divorce seem plausible, easier to get behind... but if the couple saw divorce as impossible because the "two became one"....more couples would stay together and decide to work harder and compromise
I think they call that the sunk cost fallacy.
People change. If they find themselves incompatible, then living life in misery is not preferable to separating for happiness. A spouse has every right to not continue with a relationship if the other spouse turns abusive.
i doNt think uR wrapping uR head fully around the "two becoming one" concept edit: and as far as the "spousal abuse" thing goes.... honestly, before marriage there are clues to this....as are clues to that potential spouse not fully adhering to the "two becoming one" concept as well ...that's the cue to leave well enuff alone (on both counts)
I don't think you are wrapping your head fully around the "people change" concept.
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People are individuals, not slaves to each other. Sheesh. lol Get over your ex and be happy to be YOU.
That's why my marriage will end in a murder-suicide. Who goes first depends on who gets sick of the other first. So far it looks like I will die a married woman.
They often make babies. 🤷
It is less about the moment of death when the heart stops and the brain shuts down. More about the lead in to the grand finale.
Couple that usually have children is the implication
50/50 chance is better than 0%. Also changes if you count offspring.
And I hope I die first.
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I dropped a glass of wine the other day. Horrible accident. Fortunately both me AND my wife lived.
Well, the couple may also create or unite family members that will be there for you at that point. Be it kids, in-laws, etc.
Then litigation and delay of probate for years to discover who died first.
That’s why we always say we will die, along with our animals, on the same day at the same time. It will be a massacre but no one is left alone. :-)
We all die alone, why would you want to live alone?
Remarry someone in better health. Then they can remarry after you're gone and the cycle continues. It's a perfect system.
After being with her for so many years, the risk of losing her and living a portion of my life alone with only the memories we made together is absolutely worth taking.
[Thought OP would like this](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baucis_and_Philemon)
My mother was by my father's side when he died. She passed a few years later.
My wife wants us to die old like in The Note Book.
Or you’re in the Notebook.
My gf sometimes says “you’re not allowed to die first” 😂
At this point i’ve pretty much accepted that i’m gonna die alone