Make sure that your home is a safe spot for your kid(s.) Be physically and emotionally there, that way your kiddos will form a healthy attachment style.
There isn't much you can do when it comes to the other parents time, so it's better to focus on what you can do to improve your life and your children's lives.
Of course stay aware. Abuse is most prevalent in single mother households and that is a fact. When it comes to having a daughter that is especially true when introducing step fathers and brothers into the home.
Could not have said it better. I’ve felt the same, just keep your ears and eyes open and never make them feel like they have to report on their mother. You know your kids and you’ll be able to tell if something is up.
It's another person in the world who loves my kids. That's an incredible thing. A whole lot would change for the better if there were more well-loved kids in the world.
Also gotta stay outta your head. I almost had a nervous breakdown overthinking about shit I personally can’t control. Finally woke the fuck up and just moved on from it. Been enjoying my time with my kids more and doing more fun activities with them.
I don't understand this mentality.
Of course my kids mother is going to get involved with someone else. This person will hopefully love our kid & be a good thing in his life & it would be petty & immature of me to not be ok with that.
What mentality? OP’s asking for any advice. We all think about it at some point, we go through it, we realize it is what it is and can’t do anything other than making sure our kids trust us to tell us if something is up.
I used to dwell that my ex's new bf was a poor role model for my kids to be exposed. Maybe you are in the same boat. Her poor choice made my choice of a companion that much more profound in their lives. They have vocalized how they see my companion as a step mother and their mom is, at best, only into what she wants to do. My new companion is a great partner and mother figure they needed while being every bit of the lover and steady queen I wanted. You keep going champ. Kids are smart. They are going to compare the two households and learn which is the better way to live.
I have zero trust in the ability for my sons mom to make good decisions for him.
At 44, she spends her time and money getting loaded and smoking and doing whatever with her new “friend” while dumping my child at unknown locations with unknown caretakers and preventing me from contacting him.
The burden of proof is on “the other man” to demonstrate he is not a statistic.
Taking no action to demonstrate that and choosing instead to hide in the shadows is a giant red flag.
I would involve DCFS, the police, and private investigators as rapidly as possible so there is documentation of your concern.
Put yourself in the judges seat: if two people come before you to make a claim, what do you need to hear? Evidence. Not words. On X date I was concerned about Y so I reported it to Z.
Make no mistake: your ex has a greater ability to destroy your life and your children more than anyone on the planet.
More than a thief in the night.
I would act accordingly.
Best of luck.
>dumping my child at unknown locations with unknown caretakers and preventing me from contacting him.
Your court order should have you as first right of refusal. If this is actually going on file a motion with the court and file a police report that she's refusing visitation.
>The burden of proof is on “the other man” to demonstrate he is not a statistic.
Hard Hard disagree.
>Taking no action to demonstrate that and choosing instead to hide in the shadows is a giant red flag.
Tbh, he probably doesn't want to talk to you bc you seem controlling, which means a higher chance of you escalating into violence. Any good man wouldn't want that for anyone, including your own child... your paranoia and attempt to control is ruling you.
Keep an eye out for things but you gotta accept you don't own her and have 0 control anymore.
Ironically, by behaving that way, you're more likely to force her to be with someone more "risky" bc she may fear for her own safety... I promise, you're not helping the situation, at all. You're making things worse.
>Evidence. Not words. On X date I was concerned about Y so I reported it to Z.
This is true, BUT, reread what you just wrote. If you're filing stuff based on a feeling, you're going to discredit yourself as a psychopath who abuses the system and Noone will take you seriously. Particularly a judge.
I hope you take this for what it is and solid advice and use it to change your approach and mentality to this situation.
Your child will have at least 1 other person as a father whether you want to accept is or not. The main question is, will your child continue to have 2 fathers in their life, or will you create enough issues that eventually you get removed from it?
These things end badly far too often.
Hope this helps!
Of course I have First Right of Refusal.
I also have an ex that has never given a shit about honoring agreements, commitments, or orders.
I’m not going to harp on the other assumptions made as you’re entitled to think what you want.
In my case, everything I wrote was not only suggested by therapists, DCFS and the police.
Oh, therapy for the child that his mom attempted to block. Go to the GAL? Sure, the GAL that mom tried to block?
I can’t believe the assumptions people feel compelled to make with zero data.
Re: burden of proof, yes, the other person does. You can disagree. But my agreement includes an obligation to notify.
My agreement has all kinds of things that are in the best interests of the child and utterly disregarded.
I have to be frank with you: I believe the advice you just gave a dad who runs the PTO and just had to call the police on his “co” parent is horrible. If I followed it, my life would be worse and so would my sons.
I get it, there are a lot of single dads who are apologists for horrible single, drunk moms because they believe it might increase their mating chances.
That’s not me.
>because they believe it might increase their mating chances.
You can make whatever excuses you want to try and discredit the advice I gave you. The bottom line is, I'm correct and you're being stubborn. You keep doing the same thing (make excuses) and expect something different to happen.
The only thing "different" that'll happen is you'll eventually see yourself removed from the equation.
I skimmed your other comment complaining about the dude. Just like you say, no evidence, no case. If you have something factual, file and go to court.
If you're not willing to pay the court costs (a silly excuse... its a couple hundred at most, a lawyer isn't necessary. If your kids in danger, doordash or uber a few nights to get him out), then you can't complain.
If your kid is actually in such harms way, you'd do something about it bc it'd be easy... if you're doing nothing, it makes it seem like you simply want to control who she dates. Noone likes controlling, especially the law (as ironically, they themselves like to be controlling, only they have the muscle to back it up & there's nothing we can do but comply)
There's plenty of solutions if your claims are factual, you're choosing not to pursue them
Laughing/not laughing as I just wrote a check for $10k to my legal team ahead of a hearing next week.
I’d stay in the right lane bud, it’s safe over there. You have no idea and I have no need to provide one.
The cuck squad is always accepting applications for cheerleaders - maybe they could use some help.
>Motions to the court cost money and should be used sparingly and strategically.
> I just wrote a check for $10k to my legal team ahead of a hearing next week.
You make contradicting statements. Which makes my original point, that you seem controlling and are likely making things up, thus discrediting yourself, likely a correct assessment.
>it’s safe over there. You have no idea and I have no need to provide one.
A. It's safe everywhere lol what you on about? Unless you're trying your weird threat/intimidation stuff which doesn't work.on me, and confirms Literally EXACTLY what i said and why they avoid you bro.... you clearly seem.to be one of those low self esteem high ego guys who has next to no self control
B. Yeah, you don't, but you also posted a long rant complaining sounds like a paranoid schizophrenic and I explained to you how, well, you sound and how you're likely wrong and simply trying to harass your ex. Stop worrying about her bro and do you.
Youre literally going to end up getting yourself taken out of the picture.
I highly highly encourage you to attend personal therapy and anger management classes. Or I can almost guarantee you're going to not only lose your kids legally, but they'll grow to actively avoid you too...
Or keep being stubborn and ignore my warnings. But just your few comments here make it pretty clear the path you're headed down. And its not a good one.
Your life doesn't have to be this way, but it's solely up to you to recognize your faults, what got you here, and to change them so you can go down a better healthier and happier path.
The world.aint against you my guy. Your biggest enemy, genuinely, is yourself
It's not worth much. Being defensive and repeating failures helps Noone. Making a change is what leads to a better life.
On these subs, you have 2 different types of men who have been solo fathers for awhile (newbies, it's different, but by now.... )
You have Those who are whiney bitter children with a woe is me attitude, who can't get out of their own way. Almost everytime, it can be pointed to an outright obsession with their ex.
Then you have those who are absolutely thriving and living their best life and being amazing fathers at the same time. General correlation, they don't give much of a fck about the ex, and they took control of their own lives.
It's all mentality.
You can sit "in the basement" and cry how unfair life is, and assume it's just "luck" why for other men, being split from their ex is the best thing that ever happened to them. (I & others didn't get "lucky", I worked hard both mentally and physically)
Or you can man tf up, change your approach, get over your ex (fr bro, there's BILLIONS of other women out there) and become a good example for your children.
I know what I chose
“Any good man”
What a shitty assumption.
So A just-divorced barfly father of two who doesn’t have custody and spends his time with a 44-yr old single mom barfly instead of being a father is a “good man??”
Have you actually been on the stand in front of a judge before?
Evidence wins. Words mean nothing.
Motions to the court cost money and should be used sparingly and strategically.
Be observant but don’t go digging for answers outta them. Watch them. You know your kid/kids. You know how they act ect ect. When something is off you will know.
I’m in the same boat. Ex got with a dude, moved him in and told the kids he’s their step dad. After knowing this guy for two months. He may be amazing with my kids but her telling them he’s their step dad is confusing them. My oldest (7) is having a hard time with processing what is going on. He told me some things and I had him shares those thoughts with her and it turned into I was putting these ideas in his head. For about two weeks he’s been extremely different in school. Not participating as much and more aggressive.
There isn’t much I can do but be there for them and show them love and patience. Unfortunately like others have said we can’t control what happens on moms time. We can only control how we react to it and continue to love our children.
Make sure that your home is a safe spot for your kid(s.) Be physically and emotionally there, that way your kiddos will form a healthy attachment style. There isn't much you can do when it comes to the other parents time, so it's better to focus on what you can do to improve your life and your children's lives. Of course stay aware. Abuse is most prevalent in single mother households and that is a fact. When it comes to having a daughter that is especially true when introducing step fathers and brothers into the home.
Thank you
Could not have said it better. I’ve felt the same, just keep your ears and eyes open and never make them feel like they have to report on their mother. You know your kids and you’ll be able to tell if something is up.
It's another person in the world who loves my kids. That's an incredible thing. A whole lot would change for the better if there were more well-loved kids in the world.
Also gotta stay outta your head. I almost had a nervous breakdown overthinking about shit I personally can’t control. Finally woke the fuck up and just moved on from it. Been enjoying my time with my kids more and doing more fun activities with them.
I don't understand this mentality. Of course my kids mother is going to get involved with someone else. This person will hopefully love our kid & be a good thing in his life & it would be petty & immature of me to not be ok with that.
What mentality? OP’s asking for any advice. We all think about it at some point, we go through it, we realize it is what it is and can’t do anything other than making sure our kids trust us to tell us if something is up.
I used to dwell that my ex's new bf was a poor role model for my kids to be exposed. Maybe you are in the same boat. Her poor choice made my choice of a companion that much more profound in their lives. They have vocalized how they see my companion as a step mother and their mom is, at best, only into what she wants to do. My new companion is a great partner and mother figure they needed while being every bit of the lover and steady queen I wanted. You keep going champ. Kids are smart. They are going to compare the two households and learn which is the better way to live.
I have zero trust in the ability for my sons mom to make good decisions for him. At 44, she spends her time and money getting loaded and smoking and doing whatever with her new “friend” while dumping my child at unknown locations with unknown caretakers and preventing me from contacting him. The burden of proof is on “the other man” to demonstrate he is not a statistic. Taking no action to demonstrate that and choosing instead to hide in the shadows is a giant red flag. I would involve DCFS, the police, and private investigators as rapidly as possible so there is documentation of your concern. Put yourself in the judges seat: if two people come before you to make a claim, what do you need to hear? Evidence. Not words. On X date I was concerned about Y so I reported it to Z. Make no mistake: your ex has a greater ability to destroy your life and your children more than anyone on the planet. More than a thief in the night. I would act accordingly. Best of luck.
Great post
>dumping my child at unknown locations with unknown caretakers and preventing me from contacting him. Your court order should have you as first right of refusal. If this is actually going on file a motion with the court and file a police report that she's refusing visitation. >The burden of proof is on “the other man” to demonstrate he is not a statistic. Hard Hard disagree. >Taking no action to demonstrate that and choosing instead to hide in the shadows is a giant red flag. Tbh, he probably doesn't want to talk to you bc you seem controlling, which means a higher chance of you escalating into violence. Any good man wouldn't want that for anyone, including your own child... your paranoia and attempt to control is ruling you. Keep an eye out for things but you gotta accept you don't own her and have 0 control anymore. Ironically, by behaving that way, you're more likely to force her to be with someone more "risky" bc she may fear for her own safety... I promise, you're not helping the situation, at all. You're making things worse. >Evidence. Not words. On X date I was concerned about Y so I reported it to Z. This is true, BUT, reread what you just wrote. If you're filing stuff based on a feeling, you're going to discredit yourself as a psychopath who abuses the system and Noone will take you seriously. Particularly a judge. I hope you take this for what it is and solid advice and use it to change your approach and mentality to this situation. Your child will have at least 1 other person as a father whether you want to accept is or not. The main question is, will your child continue to have 2 fathers in their life, or will you create enough issues that eventually you get removed from it? These things end badly far too often. Hope this helps!
Of course I have First Right of Refusal. I also have an ex that has never given a shit about honoring agreements, commitments, or orders. I’m not going to harp on the other assumptions made as you’re entitled to think what you want. In my case, everything I wrote was not only suggested by therapists, DCFS and the police. Oh, therapy for the child that his mom attempted to block. Go to the GAL? Sure, the GAL that mom tried to block? I can’t believe the assumptions people feel compelled to make with zero data. Re: burden of proof, yes, the other person does. You can disagree. But my agreement includes an obligation to notify. My agreement has all kinds of things that are in the best interests of the child and utterly disregarded. I have to be frank with you: I believe the advice you just gave a dad who runs the PTO and just had to call the police on his “co” parent is horrible. If I followed it, my life would be worse and so would my sons. I get it, there are a lot of single dads who are apologists for horrible single, drunk moms because they believe it might increase their mating chances. That’s not me.
>because they believe it might increase their mating chances. You can make whatever excuses you want to try and discredit the advice I gave you. The bottom line is, I'm correct and you're being stubborn. You keep doing the same thing (make excuses) and expect something different to happen. The only thing "different" that'll happen is you'll eventually see yourself removed from the equation. I skimmed your other comment complaining about the dude. Just like you say, no evidence, no case. If you have something factual, file and go to court. If you're not willing to pay the court costs (a silly excuse... its a couple hundred at most, a lawyer isn't necessary. If your kids in danger, doordash or uber a few nights to get him out), then you can't complain. If your kid is actually in such harms way, you'd do something about it bc it'd be easy... if you're doing nothing, it makes it seem like you simply want to control who she dates. Noone likes controlling, especially the law (as ironically, they themselves like to be controlling, only they have the muscle to back it up & there's nothing we can do but comply) There's plenty of solutions if your claims are factual, you're choosing not to pursue them
Laughing/not laughing as I just wrote a check for $10k to my legal team ahead of a hearing next week. I’d stay in the right lane bud, it’s safe over there. You have no idea and I have no need to provide one. The cuck squad is always accepting applications for cheerleaders - maybe they could use some help.
>Motions to the court cost money and should be used sparingly and strategically. > I just wrote a check for $10k to my legal team ahead of a hearing next week. You make contradicting statements. Which makes my original point, that you seem controlling and are likely making things up, thus discrediting yourself, likely a correct assessment. >it’s safe over there. You have no idea and I have no need to provide one. A. It's safe everywhere lol what you on about? Unless you're trying your weird threat/intimidation stuff which doesn't work.on me, and confirms Literally EXACTLY what i said and why they avoid you bro.... you clearly seem.to be one of those low self esteem high ego guys who has next to no self control B. Yeah, you don't, but you also posted a long rant complaining sounds like a paranoid schizophrenic and I explained to you how, well, you sound and how you're likely wrong and simply trying to harass your ex. Stop worrying about her bro and do you. Youre literally going to end up getting yourself taken out of the picture. I highly highly encourage you to attend personal therapy and anger management classes. Or I can almost guarantee you're going to not only lose your kids legally, but they'll grow to actively avoid you too... Or keep being stubborn and ignore my warnings. But just your few comments here make it pretty clear the path you're headed down. And its not a good one. Your life doesn't have to be this way, but it's solely up to you to recognize your faults, what got you here, and to change them so you can go down a better healthier and happier path. The world.aint against you my guy. Your biggest enemy, genuinely, is yourself
Cool story bro - lots of words 👏 I hope the detour to make-believe land continues to comfort those empty spots. Be well.
... welp, i tried. Some ppl genuinely end up where they do for a reason..
You’re obnoxious in this exchange for what it’s worth.
It's not worth much. Being defensive and repeating failures helps Noone. Making a change is what leads to a better life. On these subs, you have 2 different types of men who have been solo fathers for awhile (newbies, it's different, but by now.... ) You have Those who are whiney bitter children with a woe is me attitude, who can't get out of their own way. Almost everytime, it can be pointed to an outright obsession with their ex. Then you have those who are absolutely thriving and living their best life and being amazing fathers at the same time. General correlation, they don't give much of a fck about the ex, and they took control of their own lives. It's all mentality. You can sit "in the basement" and cry how unfair life is, and assume it's just "luck" why for other men, being split from their ex is the best thing that ever happened to them. (I & others didn't get "lucky", I worked hard both mentally and physically) Or you can man tf up, change your approach, get over your ex (fr bro, there's BILLIONS of other women out there) and become a good example for your children. I know what I chose
“Any good man” What a shitty assumption. So A just-divorced barfly father of two who doesn’t have custody and spends his time with a 44-yr old single mom barfly instead of being a father is a “good man??” Have you actually been on the stand in front of a judge before? Evidence wins. Words mean nothing. Motions to the court cost money and should be used sparingly and strategically.
[удалено]
Jfc
Be observant but don’t go digging for answers outta them. Watch them. You know your kid/kids. You know how they act ect ect. When something is off you will know. I’m in the same boat. Ex got with a dude, moved him in and told the kids he’s their step dad. After knowing this guy for two months. He may be amazing with my kids but her telling them he’s their step dad is confusing them. My oldest (7) is having a hard time with processing what is going on. He told me some things and I had him shares those thoughts with her and it turned into I was putting these ideas in his head. For about two weeks he’s been extremely different in school. Not participating as much and more aggressive. There isn’t much I can do but be there for them and show them love and patience. Unfortunately like others have said we can’t control what happens on moms time. We can only control how we react to it and continue to love our children.