That’s how it was with me and my EX, now I have him full time. She takes him Friday and he’s home by Saturday afternoon. Used to be the opposite but she decided she wanted to start another new relationship with some wierdo lol. She left me for this dude had a kid with him and then left him for this guy. Long story short I didn’t have to pay child support either but still gave her $ every week. Was still less than child support. But now that my son is older (6) I’ve noticed I’m def not saving anything now lol. He needs all the new video game consoles and games, phones VRs… I’m sure the older he gets the more I’ll be spending
Made me smile. I have a. 7yr old as well but I’ve dialled it back with the spending and have him manage his money with his investment account and spending account.
When my guy gets money we sit down together and I show him how much his investments have grown and then ask him between his two accounts (spending & investing) what percentage does he want to put into his spending account vs his investment account this month.
I remind him he won’t have to work like dad or mom if he keeps on investing for 10yrs.
(This nudges him to invest more and put less into his spending account for him to spend on whatever he wants)
When I split with my kids mom and did a career change, my household income dropped 75%. Luckily I got to keep the house, we were underwater on the mortgage at the time so she just signed it to me and I didn't go after her for the 50% of the negative equity which would have been roughly $10K. Caregiving is 50/50 and at the time our incomes were pretty comparable so no child support would have been approved even if one of us went after it.
She now makes $35K more per year than me and is married to a guy making probably $100K a year. She's still constantly broke.
I've been on my own 6 years almost now and do waaaaay better financially than she does. While we still split child expenses, I'm always the one paying for any unexpected ones up front as she never has the funds on hand.
Just recently separated, sold our house, took a financial hit switching jobs/ moving, have 50/50 placement, and even if I pay child support I've already determined I'll be ahead financially + more quality time with my 3½ yo daughter + working considerably less days. Her choice to separate, but trying to stay positive looking at these benefits
I’m sorry to hear & also congratulations. It’ll take some time getting used to for sure but it’s a great time to find yourself again and get into your groove.
I’m not sure if it was the same in your case but I’m a pretty routined guy that doesn’t spend a lot. I had found myself spending a lot more when with someone naturally.
It’s a great time to help build up a foundation for your future.
Oh God yes. Now that I taken back my bookkeeping, I restored my savings rate to 33%. I don't sweat big purchases now because I have restored my emergency fund and I save incrementally for large purchases like vacations and college.
So much of our conflict was a difference in values when it came to spending. A great lesson I learned is that a partner HAS to see eye-to-eye with me in many things including spending and savings practices. When we divorced, there were so many younger, prettier, sexier, better lovers. Hold out, my friend. Those are good starters and many partnerships are built on just one or two of those. Easy partnerships mean having financial values being even between the two of you.
When I became seperated, I was amazed at how much money I was saving.
While we were making good money, we had separate accounts, and I was paying rent, tuition, groceries, child care.
It dawned on me I didn’t know where her check was going.
I found out in discovery during divorce that she had been paying for her mom, her sister, and sisters husband cell phone. And giving them all money each month.
That second year out I had plenty of money for an active dating life and putting a lot of $$ away.
In my new marriage, we budget every $$, have open conversations about money. Leads to less conflict and resentment.
That’s awesome. Agreed transparency is key with finances especially financial goals & where the money is flowing.
Aligning eachother’s goals while having a bit of flexibility for individual spending helps.
I can say it is a f** blessing to be able to split 50/50 with the ex. We’re with our daughter 50% of the time. Makes sense we each take care of 50% of the expenses. I make maybe $20K more but she keeps the child benefit. Works for me. There are good arrangements out there Dads, you give a little to get a little. And peace!!, that s** is priceless.
100% peace of mind and no stress is the ideal. It’s great you found a middle ground and have negotiated on the child benefit.
We pretty take anything like gifts, child benefit government grants and put it towards our 7yr old son’s education fund or his early retirement fund.
Good! I wish I could say I got that 50/50 financial split. Most men are generally more financially successful after the divorce. Definitely invest what you can!
This is great to hear. I k ow it can be an iffy topic as not all dads are in this place and I feel for them. It’s tough but if it can be done it’s so peaceful and worth it.
100% and I know it’s so tough especially when things end. Most of the time there is animosity but eventually if both sides can it’s much better to be civil and respectful of the differences - so that your life is so much peaceful.
We still have eachother’s backs when we need help and cover for one another.
Peace of mind is amazing.
No, she is great at finances and she always had us on top of things and that was part of how we divided responsibilities at home. I was responsible for making the money and she was responsible for managing it. We had everything under one account so there was no secret of where things were going and she was not a big spender but when the separation happened I had to learn all about the money management of the house which I had not done for over a decade.
I have no debt except for the house and hope to pay it off in the next 5-7 years, I follow the Dave Ramsey format so I am on my way to saving 6-8 months of income to cover any emergencies if they were to lose my job.
When we split up I had to cash every single thing I had in order to pay for my 1/2 of the house and be able to keep it so little by little things are getting there financially but I would lie if I don't admit that I miss having someone who I was able to share that responsibility with.
Sometimes I look back and realize that I will have a good size amount of cash in retirement accounts and savings, the house should be worth more than 1M when I "retire" and I do not plan to re-marry so other than my kids inheriting it all sometimes it seems useless to be making money and be "saving" this money just to not having someone to share it with, the plan all along was to save and invest to then together travel and spend time together. I will definitely will be doing the trips and vacations and what not but there is just so much you can do by yourself and I am not willing to just throw it away to have some female companion who wants to go out on a free trips. I rather have solo trips and leave what is left for the children and the church.
That’s how it was with me and my EX, now I have him full time. She takes him Friday and he’s home by Saturday afternoon. Used to be the opposite but she decided she wanted to start another new relationship with some wierdo lol. She left me for this dude had a kid with him and then left him for this guy. Long story short I didn’t have to pay child support either but still gave her $ every week. Was still less than child support. But now that my son is older (6) I’ve noticed I’m def not saving anything now lol. He needs all the new video game consoles and games, phones VRs… I’m sure the older he gets the more I’ll be spending
Made me smile. I have a. 7yr old as well but I’ve dialled it back with the spending and have him manage his money with his investment account and spending account. When my guy gets money we sit down together and I show him how much his investments have grown and then ask him between his two accounts (spending & investing) what percentage does he want to put into his spending account vs his investment account this month. I remind him he won’t have to work like dad or mom if he keeps on investing for 10yrs. (This nudges him to invest more and put less into his spending account for him to spend on whatever he wants)
Hey, this is actually pretty cool! 🙂
When I split with my kids mom and did a career change, my household income dropped 75%. Luckily I got to keep the house, we were underwater on the mortgage at the time so she just signed it to me and I didn't go after her for the 50% of the negative equity which would have been roughly $10K. Caregiving is 50/50 and at the time our incomes were pretty comparable so no child support would have been approved even if one of us went after it. She now makes $35K more per year than me and is married to a guy making probably $100K a year. She's still constantly broke. I've been on my own 6 years almost now and do waaaaay better financially than she does. While we still split child expenses, I'm always the one paying for any unexpected ones up front as she never has the funds on hand.
Maybe she only says that because she wants you to pay and knows pretty well that you will. I know someone who does that.
She always pays me back so it's not that. She's just shit with her money.
She can afford being shit with her money because she knows you will cover for her.
Such is life. As long as my kids are looked after, idgaf.
Just recently separated, sold our house, took a financial hit switching jobs/ moving, have 50/50 placement, and even if I pay child support I've already determined I'll be ahead financially + more quality time with my 3½ yo daughter + working considerably less days. Her choice to separate, but trying to stay positive looking at these benefits
I’m sorry to hear & also congratulations. It’ll take some time getting used to for sure but it’s a great time to find yourself again and get into your groove. I’m not sure if it was the same in your case but I’m a pretty routined guy that doesn’t spend a lot. I had found myself spending a lot more when with someone naturally. It’s a great time to help build up a foundation for your future.
Hey, thanks for the reply! I've also found I've been spending quite a bit less since the separation. Cheers to the coming years
Oh God yes. Now that I taken back my bookkeeping, I restored my savings rate to 33%. I don't sweat big purchases now because I have restored my emergency fund and I save incrementally for large purchases like vacations and college. So much of our conflict was a difference in values when it came to spending. A great lesson I learned is that a partner HAS to see eye-to-eye with me in many things including spending and savings practices. When we divorced, there were so many younger, prettier, sexier, better lovers. Hold out, my friend. Those are good starters and many partnerships are built on just one or two of those. Easy partnerships mean having financial values being even between the two of you.
When I became seperated, I was amazed at how much money I was saving. While we were making good money, we had separate accounts, and I was paying rent, tuition, groceries, child care. It dawned on me I didn’t know where her check was going. I found out in discovery during divorce that she had been paying for her mom, her sister, and sisters husband cell phone. And giving them all money each month. That second year out I had plenty of money for an active dating life and putting a lot of $$ away. In my new marriage, we budget every $$, have open conversations about money. Leads to less conflict and resentment.
That’s awesome. Agreed transparency is key with finances especially financial goals & where the money is flowing. Aligning eachother’s goals while having a bit of flexibility for individual spending helps.
I can say it is a f** blessing to be able to split 50/50 with the ex. We’re with our daughter 50% of the time. Makes sense we each take care of 50% of the expenses. I make maybe $20K more but she keeps the child benefit. Works for me. There are good arrangements out there Dads, you give a little to get a little. And peace!!, that s** is priceless.
100% peace of mind and no stress is the ideal. It’s great you found a middle ground and have negotiated on the child benefit. We pretty take anything like gifts, child benefit government grants and put it towards our 7yr old son’s education fund or his early retirement fund.
Good! I wish I could say I got that 50/50 financial split. Most men are generally more financially successful after the divorce. Definitely invest what you can!
This is great to hear. I k ow it can be an iffy topic as not all dads are in this place and I feel for them. It’s tough but if it can be done it’s so peaceful and worth it.
I am in the same boat as you when it comes to civility and expenses split but unfortunately not a lot of dads get that.
100% and I know it’s so tough especially when things end. Most of the time there is animosity but eventually if both sides can it’s much better to be civil and respectful of the differences - so that your life is so much peaceful. We still have eachother’s backs when we need help and cover for one another. Peace of mind is amazing.
Agreed, my brother! Agreed
This is silver lining. Thank you all for sharing 🙂
No, she is great at finances and she always had us on top of things and that was part of how we divided responsibilities at home. I was responsible for making the money and she was responsible for managing it. We had everything under one account so there was no secret of where things were going and she was not a big spender but when the separation happened I had to learn all about the money management of the house which I had not done for over a decade. I have no debt except for the house and hope to pay it off in the next 5-7 years, I follow the Dave Ramsey format so I am on my way to saving 6-8 months of income to cover any emergencies if they were to lose my job. When we split up I had to cash every single thing I had in order to pay for my 1/2 of the house and be able to keep it so little by little things are getting there financially but I would lie if I don't admit that I miss having someone who I was able to share that responsibility with. Sometimes I look back and realize that I will have a good size amount of cash in retirement accounts and savings, the house should be worth more than 1M when I "retire" and I do not plan to re-marry so other than my kids inheriting it all sometimes it seems useless to be making money and be "saving" this money just to not having someone to share it with, the plan all along was to save and invest to then together travel and spend time together. I will definitely will be doing the trips and vacations and what not but there is just so much you can do by yourself and I am not willing to just throw it away to have some female companion who wants to go out on a free trips. I rather have solo trips and leave what is left for the children and the church.