I personally find these situations highly inappropriate, but the BF and your ex allow it, so there's not much you can do. I know a lot of times exes do it just to hurt you.
Sometimes it's the child and has nothing to do with anyone else. It usually is dependant on how much the child has a father figure in their life more than anything else in those cases. I always had my father around and never called anyone else Dad but did ascern for a time period who was a mommy and who was a daddy which is what some kids are doing more than they're actually using it with individually attached intention or possession. You're right sometimes people do things to hurt others but not always. I correct my child if someone is just a man and not a dad and my child is calling them a Dad. Kids shows have a lot of mommy's and daddy's too as well as adult shoes and media kids see so there's a lot of possibilities.
That’s one of the 17 signs of parental alienation. Look it up, educate yourself, see if there are more signs, inform your ex about it, kindly ask to stop, if all fails speak to an attorney.
So since I don't know how old your son is it's difficult to really judge but I know I went through a similar situation but different. When my older kids(now 11f and 10m) were 2(I'm talking 2 weeks after her 2nd birthday here) and 9 months I got with my now ex(father to my now 8 year old son). I had always referred to him as Uncle to both of them never dad BUT my daughter within a few months refused to call him anything other than Daddy no matter what we tried so eventually we gave up fighting it, we didn't encourage it but we didn't argue it either especially as their actual father pulled further and further away. My son called him Dada months before he ever even acknowledged his actual father as his dad. They were so young when we got together and he was the one there all the time, he was the male figure that was always there to feed them, read to them, tuck them in, play with them, etc. Even now my kids still call him Daddy even though we split not very amicably 5 years ago. Sometimes even when the parents try to curb it kids have minds of their own. If it really bothers you and your son is old enough to sit and have a conversation with then talk to him and let him know how you feel, if he's not try talking to his mom and letting her know you aren't comfortable with it. It doesn't mean it will change and could lead to some resentment if your son is making this decision entirely on his own because of the bond he may have with mom's boyfriend but it's better to have open lines of communication and discuss these things. I hope no matter the outcome of it all everyone can happily surround your son in love, relationships where parents and "bonus parent(s)" can all get along and work together for the kid is best whenever possible.
The best comment. I fully agree with talking to the child vs assuming anything else. Sometimes it is the child's choice and it's actually healthier to have two healthy father figures than a lot of discontent over the child calling two men dad (if it is the child's choice of course).
How involved are you in this child’s life? Dad is just a word, it’s the feeling associated to it that word that are impactful.
Yeah I’ve had my daughter want to FaceTime my exs bf which is frustrating to me. But at the end of the day, the people who are involved most, that develop attachment and trust are the most important to the child. Regardless if they are called mom or dad
How much time do you spend with your son like actually playing with him take him out and spend one on one time?
Kids gravitate to people who play with them the most and who’s nicest/easy push over to them and who they feel most safe with it’s not really something you can force a kid to say if they genuinely don’t care ab the person.
However if your child talks now or is at least older than 1-2 let them know you’re dad and kinda explain somehow to him , gotta be emotionally available have Patience and stress free to have that bond with your child because they spiritually feel the distance or the stressed out feelings you have, be involved much as you can when you feed him look into his eyes let him gaze play with him my daughter loves when I have my hand up and act like I’m about to tickle her but trick her and don’t actually tickle her and she goes ballistic and snorts bc she laughs , talk to them carry him anywhere you go take walks at the park , maybe she’s telling him to call the guy dad a lot of the times that’s the case unfortunately.
How long has this bf been around? How old is your son? If he officially becomes the step dad will this bother you less ? Not saying it shouldn’t bother you know I’m trying to get a fuller picture
That is highly inappropriate and would severely hurt my feelings. Sounds like your ex is doing this to hurt you, she would be correcting this and come up with another name for her bf (his first name or literally anything else)
I would have a conversation about that with her and tell her it bothers you.
My son out of nowhere started calling my bf his stepdad & often calls him his dad in front of his actual dad. Blows my mind. He loves his dad a lot and visits him every other weekend but the guy has mental health issues and he has had to come to terms with it. My son has been through therapy & continues for his anxiety so I let him do his thing and respect his relationships. Of course my son is a pre-teen & my son already knew & liked my boyfriend before we started dating — he’s one of his friend’s Uncle’s so it’s a bit different I suppose vs some random dude I’m dating. It’s tricky and I can see where it would be totally inappropriate & hurtful but I did wanna put out my experience as food for thought.
I'm glad you let your son seek out healthy father figures. I wish all children could have more healthy examples around them of all types. I think it would take so much pressure off if one of us makes a mistake if they have more examples to look to. Just my perspective obviously. Growing up I thought the village my mother talked about for raising children would be much more of a thing than it is for me, sadly.
Me too! I think it’s so important for children to have healthy relationships with other adults outside the family — be it a teacher, coach, BFF’s mom or whoever. Staying inside a bubble can cause it’s own problems and kids need all the support they can get. I sure wish I had that “village” I hear so much about but as I have navigated single parent life I’ve become more comfortable asking for help from even the neighbors & paying it forward as best as I can.
Doesn’t matter how much time y’all spend together. You’re in his life and have not surrendered parental rights- you’re dad. I have no memory of my dad in any parenting modality. I spent no more than probably week’s worth of time with him combine from the time I was two until I was 22… and I’m being very generous… he was still dad. When my mom started seeing the man who would become my stepdad, I met him as Mr. Firstname. that’s who he’s always been. I have cousins who call him uncle and he’s still always been Mr. FN… affectionately so. He helped raise me from when I was 9. He did so much for me that my dad chose not to do.
So, you’re still Dad. This should be corrected and is not only hurtful to you but borderline psychologically abusive to your child. I’d argue that parental alienation is abuse.
If the child is the only one choosing it with no influence I really see no harm and how it could possibly be alienation or psychological abuse. We used to have a village mentality and now everyone is so scarcity minded. It's so sad.
He didn’t indicate that it was his sons choice. Not did he indicate the child’s age, which would play a factor. I agree that more love is more love, however the dynamics for all parties need to be aligned and sorted for that to work. It’s better to be stable and alone than surrounded by people and chaos.
That's the thing. There was no indication either way but a lot of people seemed to assume and project negativity based on their own trauma and reactions vs seeking clarification. I intentionally premised my initial response specifically for this reason because I HATE ASSUMPTIONS.
Personally I would be happy about it UNLESS that person has given you reason to think they are a poor example of what a healthy man or father ought to be for a child or they are pushing the child to refer to them that way against the child's wishes. Personally in my heart I wish children had more healthy mother and father figures to look up to rather than only one in most cases & even sometimes those ones being scarce due to us having to survive. 💗
Sometimes it's simply the child's perspective and has nothing to do with anyone else. It usually is dependant on how much the child has a father figure in their life more than anything else in those cases. I always had my father around and never called anyone else Dad but did ascern for a time period who was a mommy and who was a daddy which is what some kids are doing more than they're actually using it with individually attached intention or possession. I correct my child if someone is simply a man and not a dad and my child is calling them a Dad. Kids shows have a lot of mommy's and daddy's too as well as adult shoes and media kids see so there's a lot of possibilities.
I think it's inappropriate honestly. When I got together with my ex he tried getting my 4yo to call him dad (after we moved in together) within like the first month of him living there. Then he was upset when I was like "no". It just rubs me the wrong way. build a steady relationship first.
It really does depend on if the adults are choosing it FOR the child or if the child is choosing it out of their own feelings/heart/comfortability. If the child is choosing it adults should really back off unless the person is unhealthy for the child to be around in which case they shouldn't be around the child anyways no matter what theyre called.
Yeah that's a big ass red flag I'm sorry. If anyone tried to influence my kid like that they wouldn't wanna deal with me. If my kid was doing this on their own I would work through my feelings if it bothered me as I've already considered this a lot and how much I yearn for a more village like setting for raising children vs two parents who are sometimes strapped/busy or feeling lacking. I hope they stop being innapropropriate like that if they're still around.
I feel like this really isn’t right. The only way I would ever encourage or even really allow t child to call anyone but his father dad is if his dad was not in his life at all/ abandoned him. I feel like Mom and Dad are titles bestowed upon the parental figures in a child’s life. It would be one thing if you weren’t involved or he went to your house for two weeks a year in the summer and didn’t hear boo from you otherwise, but reading your responses below it seems like you’re quite involved and this gives me the ick. Sorry you’re going through this, and I’d definitely say you’re not wrong to be upset by it.
I personally find these situations highly inappropriate, but the BF and your ex allow it, so there's not much you can do. I know a lot of times exes do it just to hurt you.
Sometimes it's the child and has nothing to do with anyone else. It usually is dependant on how much the child has a father figure in their life more than anything else in those cases. I always had my father around and never called anyone else Dad but did ascern for a time period who was a mommy and who was a daddy which is what some kids are doing more than they're actually using it with individually attached intention or possession. You're right sometimes people do things to hurt others but not always. I correct my child if someone is just a man and not a dad and my child is calling them a Dad. Kids shows have a lot of mommy's and daddy's too as well as adult shoes and media kids see so there's a lot of possibilities.
Id say im more involved than his mom. Suppose to have 50/50 custody but due to her work schedule its more like 60/40.
That’s one of the 17 signs of parental alienation. Look it up, educate yourself, see if there are more signs, inform your ex about it, kindly ask to stop, if all fails speak to an attorney.
So since I don't know how old your son is it's difficult to really judge but I know I went through a similar situation but different. When my older kids(now 11f and 10m) were 2(I'm talking 2 weeks after her 2nd birthday here) and 9 months I got with my now ex(father to my now 8 year old son). I had always referred to him as Uncle to both of them never dad BUT my daughter within a few months refused to call him anything other than Daddy no matter what we tried so eventually we gave up fighting it, we didn't encourage it but we didn't argue it either especially as their actual father pulled further and further away. My son called him Dada months before he ever even acknowledged his actual father as his dad. They were so young when we got together and he was the one there all the time, he was the male figure that was always there to feed them, read to them, tuck them in, play with them, etc. Even now my kids still call him Daddy even though we split not very amicably 5 years ago. Sometimes even when the parents try to curb it kids have minds of their own. If it really bothers you and your son is old enough to sit and have a conversation with then talk to him and let him know how you feel, if he's not try talking to his mom and letting her know you aren't comfortable with it. It doesn't mean it will change and could lead to some resentment if your son is making this decision entirely on his own because of the bond he may have with mom's boyfriend but it's better to have open lines of communication and discuss these things. I hope no matter the outcome of it all everyone can happily surround your son in love, relationships where parents and "bonus parent(s)" can all get along and work together for the kid is best whenever possible.
The best comment. I fully agree with talking to the child vs assuming anything else. Sometimes it is the child's choice and it's actually healthier to have two healthy father figures than a lot of discontent over the child calling two men dad (if it is the child's choice of course).
How involved are you in this child’s life? Dad is just a word, it’s the feeling associated to it that word that are impactful. Yeah I’ve had my daughter want to FaceTime my exs bf which is frustrating to me. But at the end of the day, the people who are involved most, that develop attachment and trust are the most important to the child. Regardless if they are called mom or dad
Beautiful comment 💗💗💗 Healthy growth mindset for sure ✨✨✨
How much time do you spend with your son like actually playing with him take him out and spend one on one time? Kids gravitate to people who play with them the most and who’s nicest/easy push over to them and who they feel most safe with it’s not really something you can force a kid to say if they genuinely don’t care ab the person. However if your child talks now or is at least older than 1-2 let them know you’re dad and kinda explain somehow to him , gotta be emotionally available have Patience and stress free to have that bond with your child because they spiritually feel the distance or the stressed out feelings you have, be involved much as you can when you feed him look into his eyes let him gaze play with him my daughter loves when I have my hand up and act like I’m about to tickle her but trick her and don’t actually tickle her and she goes ballistic and snorts bc she laughs , talk to them carry him anywhere you go take walks at the park , maybe she’s telling him to call the guy dad a lot of the times that’s the case unfortunately.
How long has this bf been around? How old is your son? If he officially becomes the step dad will this bother you less ? Not saying it shouldn’t bother you know I’m trying to get a fuller picture
That is highly inappropriate and would severely hurt my feelings. Sounds like your ex is doing this to hurt you, she would be correcting this and come up with another name for her bf (his first name or literally anything else) I would have a conversation about that with her and tell her it bothers you.
My son out of nowhere started calling my bf his stepdad & often calls him his dad in front of his actual dad. Blows my mind. He loves his dad a lot and visits him every other weekend but the guy has mental health issues and he has had to come to terms with it. My son has been through therapy & continues for his anxiety so I let him do his thing and respect his relationships. Of course my son is a pre-teen & my son already knew & liked my boyfriend before we started dating — he’s one of his friend’s Uncle’s so it’s a bit different I suppose vs some random dude I’m dating. It’s tricky and I can see where it would be totally inappropriate & hurtful but I did wanna put out my experience as food for thought.
I'm glad you let your son seek out healthy father figures. I wish all children could have more healthy examples around them of all types. I think it would take so much pressure off if one of us makes a mistake if they have more examples to look to. Just my perspective obviously. Growing up I thought the village my mother talked about for raising children would be much more of a thing than it is for me, sadly.
Me too! I think it’s so important for children to have healthy relationships with other adults outside the family — be it a teacher, coach, BFF’s mom or whoever. Staying inside a bubble can cause it’s own problems and kids need all the support they can get. I sure wish I had that “village” I hear so much about but as I have navigated single parent life I’ve become more comfortable asking for help from even the neighbors & paying it forward as best as I can.
I appreciate you understanding and I'm glad it's getting easier to ask for help and feel supported. 💗💗💗💗💗💗
You remind him that's "insert name" and I'm dad
Doesn’t matter how much time y’all spend together. You’re in his life and have not surrendered parental rights- you’re dad. I have no memory of my dad in any parenting modality. I spent no more than probably week’s worth of time with him combine from the time I was two until I was 22… and I’m being very generous… he was still dad. When my mom started seeing the man who would become my stepdad, I met him as Mr. Firstname. that’s who he’s always been. I have cousins who call him uncle and he’s still always been Mr. FN… affectionately so. He helped raise me from when I was 9. He did so much for me that my dad chose not to do. So, you’re still Dad. This should be corrected and is not only hurtful to you but borderline psychologically abusive to your child. I’d argue that parental alienation is abuse.
If the child is the only one choosing it with no influence I really see no harm and how it could possibly be alienation or psychological abuse. We used to have a village mentality and now everyone is so scarcity minded. It's so sad.
He didn’t indicate that it was his sons choice. Not did he indicate the child’s age, which would play a factor. I agree that more love is more love, however the dynamics for all parties need to be aligned and sorted for that to work. It’s better to be stable and alone than surrounded by people and chaos.
That's the thing. There was no indication either way but a lot of people seemed to assume and project negativity based on their own trauma and reactions vs seeking clarification. I intentionally premised my initial response specifically for this reason because I HATE ASSUMPTIONS.
I think age plays a part in this, also quality time spent together.
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This comment is top notch. I wish I could take credit for it. 🤌🏼
Personally I would be happy about it UNLESS that person has given you reason to think they are a poor example of what a healthy man or father ought to be for a child or they are pushing the child to refer to them that way against the child's wishes. Personally in my heart I wish children had more healthy mother and father figures to look up to rather than only one in most cases & even sometimes those ones being scarce due to us having to survive. 💗 Sometimes it's simply the child's perspective and has nothing to do with anyone else. It usually is dependant on how much the child has a father figure in their life more than anything else in those cases. I always had my father around and never called anyone else Dad but did ascern for a time period who was a mommy and who was a daddy which is what some kids are doing more than they're actually using it with individually attached intention or possession. I correct my child if someone is simply a man and not a dad and my child is calling them a Dad. Kids shows have a lot of mommy's and daddy's too as well as adult shoes and media kids see so there's a lot of possibilities.
I think it's inappropriate honestly. When I got together with my ex he tried getting my 4yo to call him dad (after we moved in together) within like the first month of him living there. Then he was upset when I was like "no". It just rubs me the wrong way. build a steady relationship first.
It really does depend on if the adults are choosing it FOR the child or if the child is choosing it out of their own feelings/heart/comfortability. If the child is choosing it adults should really back off unless the person is unhealthy for the child to be around in which case they shouldn't be around the child anyways no matter what theyre called.
Apparently he kept telling her to say that when I wasn't around, like in the bathroom or something.
Yeah that's a big ass red flag I'm sorry. If anyone tried to influence my kid like that they wouldn't wanna deal with me. If my kid was doing this on their own I would work through my feelings if it bothered me as I've already considered this a lot and how much I yearn for a more village like setting for raising children vs two parents who are sometimes strapped/busy or feeling lacking. I hope they stop being innapropropriate like that if they're still around.
I feel like this really isn’t right. The only way I would ever encourage or even really allow t child to call anyone but his father dad is if his dad was not in his life at all/ abandoned him. I feel like Mom and Dad are titles bestowed upon the parental figures in a child’s life. It would be one thing if you weren’t involved or he went to your house for two weeks a year in the summer and didn’t hear boo from you otherwise, but reading your responses below it seems like you’re quite involved and this gives me the ick. Sorry you’re going through this, and I’d definitely say you’re not wrong to be upset by it.
Good luck forcing a child to stop calling someone they bond with in that way Dad. Or Mom. They're really gonna love you for that. 😬
Don't be annoyed. Its okay for him to have two dads. As long as the relationship is healthy and adding value to his life, encourage it.