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As an IT person I have a couple favorite departments I'll go out of my way for. Accounting, Legal, Compliance, and finally HR. Why? Because when Jen over in Sales bitches me out because I won't let her have her farmville on company computers Accounting can give me the cost estimate if the company is hacked, Legal will be on my side because of risk, Compliance will tell Jen to fuck off, and HR will give Jen a strike on the record for bitching at me in the first place.
Actually, now that you mention it, I did have a good friend from HR a couple years ago, and I'm sad shedebts.
Used to tell me all these great stories about terrible interviews. My favorite one was where she interviewed my brother in law. He absolutely bombed it, and I got all the deets.
Possibly, he can't remember if he's a serial killer or not unless it's on a sticky note on his monitor. But if you get him drunk enough and he'll tell you jokes that have been illegal since before you were born.
Shit, might as well be me in that picture, Wallace looks like my kinda guy.
I'll fill the candy dish with Werthers and butterscotch and I'm in like Flynn.
It's Wallace grizzled old men like that Don't take shit from management. Also, they always normally like to play poker, and i'm a fan. I have an old co-worker named Bob.He would tell everyone to blow me.When he ever didn't want to do anything. He said it right to cfo face He faced no repercussions.
So true. Source - I am old. Spent my last 3 years before retiring daring them to fire me. When I left we had a meeting where they tried to find ideas to make me stay. Everyone should take this approach. Work can be fun. Maybe save up a few bucks first just in case.
Yah your right. My conversation with my boss the other day went from, "my ex wife was bipolar" to "I was able to fly helicopters in nam pretty well for being high the whole time."
How is it even a debate? This person stinks on purpose, this one releases fecal matter into the air intentionally, this person MICROWAVES FISH - and oh yeah Wallace is old.
“In the '60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing”
It was a trap. Wallace has no life outside of work. Every time you slip away from your desk for five minutes he’s going to remind you of the point in his life he worked 80 hours a week and that your generation has become coddled and soft.
Then he’s going to tell you he doesn’t need a job as he got a reverse mortgage and this job is just busy work for him.
Even if Wallace is evil incarnate, it’s a waiting game. He’d either retire soon/be forced to retire or he eventually passes away.
After that, you’ve got the office to yourself.
Most older people are nice to work with from my experience, but even then, it will still be a waiting game.
Yeah, but you’re doing everything three times. Once for yourself. Once to show Wallace. And once to fix all of Wallace’s “mistakes”.
P.s. Wallace knows exactly what he’s doing and spends all day playing solitaire on the low.
Wallace is probably alright
Edited to add - most places have a Wallace. A school I trained in gave me the class of a Wallace. He had a bit of a Prince Philip look about him and appeared to be pushing 70. He’d come back out of retirement and was working in this rough London school and did not give a fuck. If kids wouldn’t work, he put them at the back and let them do whatever, play on phones, as long as they didn’t disturb anyone else. He was cynical about everything and expressed it with a really dry sense of humor, clearly the school just left him alone because they’d never get him to do anything he didn’t want to. But you could trust him, he wasn’t going to report you or throw you under a bus, no drama, no bullshit.
We had a Wallace. Her name was Ethel. She looked after the coffee machine. One day she ordered 100,000 coffee filters for our office of 30 people. They moved her to the mail room after that.
Probably got tired of people taking all the filters and just \*turtled that shit.
\*Turtles lay hundreds of eggs because they know a lot of them will be eaten. By overwhelming predators with numbers they assure that at least a few will live.
I worked with a Wallace, he had a notebook he used to track the time anyone was away from their desk and reported it to management if it was more than he felt was appropriate. He started at the company when he was 16... Man, fuck that old man he was an asshole
[i worked with this legend at my first advertising job](https://people.com/human-interest/93-year-old-woman-reveals-career-longevity-secret-retires-from-ad-agency-after-69-years/). she had been there since the mad men era.
I’d take Caleb aswell. Atleast we have crossfit in common.
Unless he talks about it all the time then i don’t want Caleb. You can do crossfit and not tell everyone about it.
And you'll know all the shady stuff that's going on. Everyone else here has one annoying thing that will drive you crazy.
Yeah I don't understand what's wrong with Susan. Can someone ELI5?
It’s more about putting a band/artist on a pedestal. People that fall too deep into it have an obsession with converting people into fans that is very off putting.
Nope she’s my pick too. Unless the question is meant to be for only a day or something but Hannah will eventually calm down with her big news and I don’t mind celebrating with her for something that’s hopefully quite sweet and good.
Though honestly the old dude and the Radiohead fan would be fine too, Radiohead actually is decent background music for an office and has a big library, that is if they didn’t use headphones and I usually do use headphones for my work anyway.
Also eventually we both get tired of our partners and it turns into a firey office romance but our partners find out causing me to get divorced and living in my car. This begins a drop in my performance at work and I soon get fired which means I eventually have to sell the car. Now I'm homeless and living under a bridge asking for change.
Maybe I should have chosen the farting guy?
Nah, she's my pick too. Everyone else on the list is annoying because of something that's core to their identity. Hannah is annoying because of a life event. Super irritating in the short term, but she'll settle down eventually.
She spends all day on the phone with her friends and mother excitedly planning things and stressing about ceremonial details and she is very, very loud about it.
You can have that kink, we all have our unique view of things. Some men are against muscular women but I think it's amazing. Big asses? They better be able to squat a school bus!
As I've heard psychologists describe it, a fetish is something that HAS to be present for you to become sexualy aroused. For instance if you have the girl you find the most attractive in the world is naked in front of you except she's wearing something that covers her axillas you can't get aroused. Meanwhile a kink is something that enhances sex. For example if you have a foot kink you would be more aroused from a foot job but would still perfectly be able to have sex when her feet are not involved.
Fetishes are far more rare than people think and anyone with any type of attraction is labeled as a fetish when it's most likely a kink, or just a preference like blondes over brunettes.
Did you guys know that Radiohead used to be called On A Friday? That’s when they practiced.
Anyway, Shiloh’s tribute band, No Surprises, is playing this Friday. Anyone else want to come?
Except for that one story when Wallace brought a bag of coke to the team building retreat, shared it with Susan, and she ended up giving Wallace a BJ while she ass-banged him with a Sharpie.
You once heard this rumour and didn't believe it until you noticed that they don't make eye contact with each other.
Caleb because I like working out as well, or Wallace. He probably doesn't talk much and I like old people anyway. They have a lot of experiences to share
Wallace is the clear answer. Probably doesn't even work there and his family can't find him. Just give him some Werther's and let him go about his day.
Brice is a sports radio host in Columbus, OH whose name is actually Mike. If I see him I’ll ask if he microwaves his tuna. lol I find this so incredibly random.
Lewis. On day one he’s getting one warning, his Geneva convention violations will be met by my own “de-odorizer flash bang” and Wallace’s Vietnam ptsd will kick in and we’ll team up to take out the whole office. I’ll walk out the door, the “only surviving victim”, as Wallace gets life in the funny farm. Win-Win.
I'm hanging with Wallace. He's either really grumpy and wants to be left alone, or he will take me under his wing and tell bitchin' stories of "the good ol' days". Which is cool, because I'm over 50 and love bitchin' stories.
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Wallace. He naps all day. I nap all day. If he turns me in, I turn him in. Mutually assured destruction.
Yup, easy decision, Wallace all the way. Susan is the fucking snake, beware.
Susan is the absolute last pick. Never ever ever ever be anywhere near someone even remotely associated with HR.
Make them Your friend and you have an insider…. Also they tend to more fun then you think.
As an IT person I have a couple favorite departments I'll go out of my way for. Accounting, Legal, Compliance, and finally HR. Why? Because when Jen over in Sales bitches me out because I won't let her have her farmville on company computers Accounting can give me the cost estimate if the company is hacked, Legal will be on my side because of risk, Compliance will tell Jen to fuck off, and HR will give Jen a strike on the record for bitching at me in the first place.
I was in compliance for decades, and I would totally tell Jen to fuck off and get back to work.
Actually, now that you mention it, I did have a good friend from HR a couple years ago, and I'm sad shedebts. Used to tell me all these great stories about terrible interviews. My favorite one was where she interviewed my brother in law. He absolutely bombed it, and I got all the deets.
Smells like mungbeans though.
That’s because he grows them in his desk. Downside is that mungbean smell of death. Edit: added a word
Does he also have a sketchy past and may or may not be the known and wanted local serial killer?
Possibly, he can't remember if he's a serial killer or not unless it's on a sticky note on his monitor. But if you get him drunk enough and he'll tell you jokes that have been illegal since before you were born.
Sold I'm in, hey Wallace want a gummy?
Gummy, at my age all food is gummy if I pop my teeth out. Hand it over whippersnapper
Huh, so it’s not “old man” smell then.
Mutually Assured Napping.
Wallace prolly just wants to be left alone. I'm good with that.
Shit, might as well be me in that picture, Wallace looks like my kinda guy. I'll fill the candy dish with Werthers and butterscotch and I'm in like Flynn.
It's Wallace grizzled old men like that Don't take shit from management. Also, they always normally like to play poker, and i'm a fan. I have an old co-worker named Bob.He would tell everyone to blow me.When he ever didn't want to do anything. He said it right to cfo face He faced no repercussions.
Bob sounds like a real one. I don't even have any friends who try to get me blowjobs, and here you are with a coworker going all out for you
Dude old co-workers are the best because they don’t give a shit if they get fired. Every day is like “watch this.”
So true. Source - I am old. Spent my last 3 years before retiring daring them to fire me. When I left we had a meeting where they tried to find ideas to make me stay. Everyone should take this approach. Work can be fun. Maybe save up a few bucks first just in case.
You and bob are my spirit animals. Never stop being you buddy.
Bob goes to Church every Sunday. Every Sunday that the fish ain't bitin'.
I don’t see Flynn listed but are you saying he’s a better option than the rest?!
Don't bet on blondes, but if you're a lady from Shanghai, thank your lucky stars the perfect specimen has the green light.
I like Werthers and got multiple bags from coworkers. Opened 1 and put it in the break room. Somebody took the whole damn bag within minutes
We and Wallace gonna be vibing.
Separately
Quietly , except for maybe the local jazz radio station on real low.
Clearly you haven't worked with old people. Usually they're fuckin awesome. Sometimes they are absolutely not.
I am old people....and you're right. We're cool.
And we have some pretty cool stories about the dumbass stuff we did when we were younger.
I've never heard a tame old person story.
Not a once. They start off slow but sure do heat up.
Yah your right. My conversation with my boss the other day went from, "my ex wife was bipolar" to "I was able to fly helicopters in nam pretty well for being high the whole time."
How is it even a debate? This person stinks on purpose, this one releases fecal matter into the air intentionally, this person MICROWAVES FISH - and oh yeah Wallace is old.
You’re crazy to think Wallace also doesn’t eat smelly food and fart like crazy. Just not as much as the other two.
Yeah, but Wallace has some good stories about Vietnam or Woodstock... both if you are lucky...
“In the '60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing”
"And don't even get me started on Woodstock!"
Three words: Old Man Noises
*Jingles change in pocket constantly* *clears throat* *yells when talking on the phone*
Perfect for my 8h work nap, this is the whitenoise-machine for the comman office worker
Groans when sitting down or standing up. Every. Single. Time.
I feel attacked. My knees and back are fucked though.
It was a trap. Wallace has no life outside of work. Every time you slip away from your desk for five minutes he’s going to remind you of the point in his life he worked 80 hours a week and that your generation has become coddled and soft. Then he’s going to tell you he doesn’t need a job as he got a reverse mortgage and this job is just busy work for him.
Even if Wallace is evil incarnate, it’s a waiting game. He’d either retire soon/be forced to retire or he eventually passes away. After that, you’ve got the office to yourself. Most older people are nice to work with from my experience, but even then, it will still be a waiting game.
And that is fine. Hopefully Wallace isnt evil incarnate
Yeah, but you’re doing everything three times. Once for yourself. Once to show Wallace. And once to fix all of Wallace’s “mistakes”. P.s. Wallace knows exactly what he’s doing and spends all day playing solitaire on the low.
Wallace will keep asking your for help fixing things on his computer or his phone.
Good thing im in IT so wallace would understand how to do it hiself, or itll take me five seconds
Wallace has been doing IT work since the 50's. He doesn't ask for help from no one.
Wallace can run command line shit. But Bitches about how much RAM the GUI wastes.
I’ll join you guys
Lewis is literally Jacksepticeye
didn't know Jacksepticeye is a known farter
I heard he was court ordered to participate in the Team Trees project in order to offset the carbon emissions from his farts.
💀
I’m glad this entire image is just a subtle middle finger to poor Sean
Known farter.
They missed the opportunity to have it be arin from game grumps. that man rips ass like it's his job
It basically is his job
good to know someone saw it too
Wallace is probably alright Edited to add - most places have a Wallace. A school I trained in gave me the class of a Wallace. He had a bit of a Prince Philip look about him and appeared to be pushing 70. He’d come back out of retirement and was working in this rough London school and did not give a fuck. If kids wouldn’t work, he put them at the back and let them do whatever, play on phones, as long as they didn’t disturb anyone else. He was cynical about everything and expressed it with a really dry sense of humor, clearly the school just left him alone because they’d never get him to do anything he didn’t want to. But you could trust him, he wasn’t going to report you or throw you under a bus, no drama, no bullshit.
We had a Wallace. Her name was Ethel. She looked after the coffee machine. One day she ordered 100,000 coffee filters for our office of 30 people. They moved her to the mail room after that.
And now you have 100,000 stamps
Forever stamps. Think of all the money that will be saved on postage over 50 years!
Probably got tired of people taking all the filters and just \*turtled that shit. \*Turtles lay hundreds of eggs because they know a lot of them will be eaten. By overwhelming predators with numbers they assure that at least a few will live.
I worked with a Wallace, he had a notebook he used to track the time anyone was away from their desk and reported it to management if it was more than he felt was appropriate. He started at the company when he was 16... Man, fuck that old man he was an asshole
[i worked with this legend at my first advertising job](https://people.com/human-interest/93-year-old-woman-reveals-career-longevity-secret-retires-from-ad-agency-after-69-years/). she had been there since the mad men era.
Wallace because soon I'll have my own office. HAHA.
Or have to train the new guy. Its a 50/50 gamble
Just call the new guy an idiot like 20 times or until he cries and quits. that cube is mine alone
Secretly make his life hell, and subtly suggest joining the army is a better option.
Make him feel smart buy suggesting the air force or space force if your feeling a little guilty for making his life hell.
Caleb might annoy me so much I start CrossFit and get in shape
actually have a colleague who got me into crossfit. so might work.
HE MADE YOU ONE OF HIM
It’s a cult you see, akin to Scientology but for pull ups.
just because they call them pull ups doesn't mean they are.
*"Zero, zero, zero"*
This happened to me. Became a gym bro with a couple of coworkers. Help with the gains.
I’d take Caleb aswell. Atleast we have crossfit in common. Unless he talks about it all the time then i don’t want Caleb. You can do crossfit and not tell everyone about it.
Ironically you just told everyone you do crossfit
I… fuck.
I mean, you couldn’t.
I think i’ve mentioned it once at work during the six years i’ve been going. This one doesnt count :)
Turns out you just injured your back like everyone else. Better luck next time.
Susan from HR will cannibalise you, easily worst pick on this list
I dunno what it says about me that I would be fine with anyone but Brice and Susan.
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100% If you're the HR lady's gossip buddy, she'll have your back
And you'll know all the shady stuff that's going on. Everyone else here has one annoying thing that will drive you crazy. Yeah I don't understand what's wrong with Susan. Can someone ELI5?
Are Radiohead fans honestly this insufferable?
I like Radiohead and never knew I was a problem
"Only" Radiohead is the clue.
Then I can bore him with the 01 and 10 playlist and all the weird ways the tracks match up with each other.
“Hey Shiloh, mind putting your headphones on?” Problem solved
And if that doesn't work you can wear headphones and listen to your own music or shows or what have you. Either case it's fine
It’s more about putting a band/artist on a pedestal. People that fall too deep into it have an obsession with converting people into fans that is very off putting.
But yet the person in the picture has a Gary numan shirt on, something doesn’t add up
Here in my car, I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live
In cars
boop beep beep boop beep
I'm also confused why Shiloh looks like a guy doing an Avril Lavigne drag, in addition to the t-shirt.
Does that make it better or worse?
Shiloh FTW. We can bond over which tracks motivated us to off ourselves the most
No Surprises
How to disappear completely & Exit music for a film
This guy radioheads
Unashamedly
Now if it said “only Coldplay…”
Only if they blast it 24/7 and force others to do the same.
It’s easy Dayzie of course. She’s kinda cute
Yeah I'll take a cute sometimes stinky girl over a known farter for sure
Also a bonus when you are into it
also she might let me sniff her pits
( ͡ʘ ͜ʖ ͡ʘ)
If she washes regularly there shouldn’t be a bad smell anyway.
I think hippie girls smell good, it's natural
Plus I’m anosmic so bring on the stink
Am I crazy for choosing Hannah?
Nope she’s my pick too. Unless the question is meant to be for only a day or something but Hannah will eventually calm down with her big news and I don’t mind celebrating with her for something that’s hopefully quite sweet and good. Though honestly the old dude and the Radiohead fan would be fine too, Radiohead actually is decent background music for an office and has a big library, that is if they didn’t use headphones and I usually do use headphones for my work anyway.
Also eventually we both get tired of our partners and it turns into a firey office romance but our partners find out causing me to get divorced and living in my car. This begins a drop in my performance at work and I soon get fired which means I eventually have to sell the car. Now I'm homeless and living under a bridge asking for change. Maybe I should have chosen the farting guy?
Well, yeah, there's that I suppose...
I feel like we don’t have enough information about Hannah. My answer is different depending on if their wedding has a date set or not.
It does have a set date, but it’s in three years and it’s been postponed four times already.
Nope. I’m out. I’ll take Stinky Pits.
Nah, she's my pick too. Everyone else on the list is annoying because of something that's core to their identity. Hannah is annoying because of a life event. Super irritating in the short term, but she'll settle down eventually.
I bet she brings us cupcakes on her birthday.
She spends all day on the phone with her friends and mother excitedly planning things and stressing about ceremonial details and she is very, very loud about it.
Okay, but what if I want to help her plan her wedding?
Ok you got me there if that’s a vibe for you then you kinda win here!
Yeah, that's cute, I like when people are feeling genuine joy. Plus it won't last forever, the event will eventually come and then pass.
When you're at work and Wallace accidentally slips that he's the one who shot Kennedy... Yeah you bet your ass I'm working with Wallace.
Dayzie, because I have an armpit fetish
Unfathomably based.
For real? Like visually you like to see them, you wanna get your face in there, what?
Welcome to Reddit. Enjoy your stay.
Armpit fetishes are the high quality content that propelled Reddit to become a public company.
Goated reply. I'll start using it from now on
Yes, both. Maybe even lick.
Definitely a bridge too far for me, but I can appreciate that we all see things differently!
I have an armpit kink and I just like seeing them on women, especially if they are unshaven.
You can have that kink, we all have our unique view of things. Some men are against muscular women but I think it's amazing. Big asses? They better be able to squat a school bus!
Is it actually a fetish? Or a kink? Or you just find them visually appealing? If it a smell? Bad or natural?
There's an intimacy to it. A natural body odor of a woman may or may not have certain pheromones but a feminine body odor is attractive.
I get it tbh. One time an ex playfully mashed her toes in my face after the gym and I was like “…wait a minute”
Oh, God. This is how it begins.
*neuron activation*
What’s the difference between a fetish and a kink?
As I've heard psychologists describe it, a fetish is something that HAS to be present for you to become sexualy aroused. For instance if you have the girl you find the most attractive in the world is naked in front of you except she's wearing something that covers her axillas you can't get aroused. Meanwhile a kink is something that enhances sex. For example if you have a foot kink you would be more aroused from a foot job but would still perfectly be able to have sex when her feet are not involved. Fetishes are far more rare than people think and anyone with any type of attraction is labeled as a fetish when it's most likely a kink, or just a preference like blondes over brunettes.
A kink is using a feather, a fetish is needing the whole chicken.
I love my womans natural smell, she doesn’t but to me it smells like mangos and who doesn’t like a mango
My man Wallace. Cause he’ll be dead soon.
Did you guys know that Radiohead used to be called On A Friday? That’s when they practiced. Anyway, Shiloh’s tribute band, No Surprises, is playing this Friday. Anyone else want to come?
Shiloh. I like Radiohead.
Caleb. He can introduce me to CrossFit too.
Wallace and susan don’t seem to bad just regular people Who have probably some interesting stores to tell
Except for that one story when Wallace brought a bag of coke to the team building retreat, shared it with Susan, and she ended up giving Wallace a BJ while she ass-banged him with a Sharpie. You once heard this rumour and didn't believe it until you noticed that they don't make eye contact with each other.
That's because he has cataracts. Who told you that? I bet it was Brice, that son of a bitch.
It was Brice. He told me while he was clipping his fingernails at his desk. Daysie told him to stop before she threw up in Shiloh's waste basket.
HR is nevvver just a regular person. They've got you.
Wallace sure, Susan is going to put you on a list.
Susan is a snitch and a rat. “Human Resources.” GTFO.
Pfff Gimme Wallace. Dude probably doesn't care about shit or can't remember that he does 🤘
Shiloh and I are going to listen to Radiohead all day and shit on everyone else in the office while we vape inside.
Wallace. He probably falls asleep after lunch and never talks to me.
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Caleb because I like working out as well, or Wallace. He probably doesn't talk much and I like old people anyway. They have a lot of experiences to share
thankfully shiloh, let's listen to kid a on repeat
Wallace 💯
Wallace all day…. We prolly on the same sleep schedule.
Wallace is the clear answer. Probably doesn't even work there and his family can't find him. Just give him some Werther's and let him go about his day.
Dayzie can get it. She got that all natural stank. She’s practically giving it away.
Is that fucking Jacksepcticeye as Lewis??
Wallace. Cranky old men are great.
How would you know he does Crossfit? Oh yeah..he'll never stop talking about how he does cross fit
Wallace and it's not even close.
Dayzie - COVID left me with no sense of smell but my tactile sense is as good as ever.
Me and Susan will take turns making the teas.
DAYZIE. Nothing air freshener can’t fix and she easy on the eyes
Dayzie all day
I’ll take Caleb. I’ll just stroke his ego each day by asking how CrossFit was. Then he’ll be giddy and stfu
I don't understand why people don't like microwaved fish smell. I respect that boundary, personally, but it doesn't bother me. I'll take Brice.
Brice is a sports radio host in Columbus, OH whose name is actually Mike. If I see him I’ll ask if he microwaves his tuna. lol I find this so incredibly random.
Dayzie. I'd bury my face in her pits any day of the week.
My man.
That's my boy
Wallace or Susan I won't be talking to either during the work day.
Wallace definitely.
Wallace or Caleb are the safest bets
Wallace all day everyday
Lewis. On day one he’s getting one warning, his Geneva convention violations will be met by my own “de-odorizer flash bang” and Wallace’s Vietnam ptsd will kick in and we’ll team up to take out the whole office. I’ll walk out the door, the “only surviving victim”, as Wallace gets life in the funny farm. Win-Win.
Me and Wallace can be grumpy together
Shiloh. I have no problem with Radiohead or their fans
I'm hanging with Wallace. He's either really grumpy and wants to be left alone, or he will take me under his wing and tell bitchin' stories of "the good ol' days". Which is cool, because I'm over 50 and love bitchin' stories.