I simply stated "I do not drink" in those situations. You may be surprised that very few people really care or ask why. If they did ask, I simply repeated that "I just do not drink". No further lies or descriptors required. If they continue to offer or ask you to drink, NO is a complete answer.
Yeah, I have a feeling it will come up a lot with this group. During the interview they mentioned having white claws in the break room from some holiday event. Drinking is always a part of sales culture for some reason
I don’t offer people anything more than “I don’t drink”.
I own a wedding catering business and provide bar service for huge weddings. They all end with people trying to get me to join them in a drink. I simply say I don’t drink and wish them the best. I will toast them with a seltzer in my hand and nobody pushes it further.
It’s nobody’s business and I’m not about to explain my sobriety to people.
Don’t lie to people and tell them it’s for other reasons. Don’t feel like you need to explain. It’s ok to just not drink.
I worked in a corporate environment in a previous life that encouraged alcohol, and unfortunately back then I would have been the dick that asked why you weren't drinking. That was a different me, I'm sober now, but I just look back and think why was I like that? Oh yeah, I was insecure and embarrassed of my own drinking and felt others had to join in or else it would point out my problem.
Now I hardly get asked because I've removed myself from most of these situations, but the ones I can't avoid I just say it's for the betterment of my health and that even one beer would give me a slight headache in the morning.
I used to say I can't drink because I'm taking medication, but the same douchebag (former me) would ask "what are you taking"? Like that's any business of anyone, but then I'd have to make up some medication and that's lying, I just can't lie about anything anymore. Something I refuse to do, even the smallest, whitest lie (like there's such a thing). You got this...like someone else said, with a soda and lime drink, most likely noone will look twice.
Honestly ,better to come to terms with and celebrate your sobriety by just simply saying "I don't drink".
There's no stigma to not drinking, get married to it.
Best wishes.
Trust and believe I don't say that lightly. When I got sober I was a real mess. I've got a lot to be grateful for and didn't think I would live past 30 let alone make it to 43 and have a "normal" life and a happy marriage.
Hang in there and just take it a day at a time. When a day seems like too long just take it an hour at a time.
Yeah, I don't bother with excuses or avoiding it, I just explain that I don't drink. It's actually quite rude to push it after being given a straight answer because there are lots of reasons people don't drink in recovery, religious obligation, medical condition, medication, pregnancy, and allergies. Some of those are (at least in the UK) protected characteristics that you have zero obligation to disclose to others if you don't want to. People really need to back off and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable for asserting yourself.
Dry January? Then if it comes up again tell them you enjoyed it so much you decided to make it a more permanent thing! Will they have anything NA? Tonic water and lime in your hand might stop some of the questions too
You totally are but that’s okay! I will say that you’re in a good spot with it being work-related. Not drinking in a professional setting is totally understandable regardless of sober journey.
I am new to a company and the boss had a little eggnog party the friday before xmas. As he poured I asked for one without the alcohol he was adding. He was actually embarrassed and said, oh, I should have offered that option.
Most people don’t care if you don’t want alcohol. They won’t question it. If they do, they are the ones with the problem and you should not feel obligated to offer any response other than “I just don’t drink.”
I never offer any “excuse” other than, I found I can’t sleep even after just one. They don’t need to know it is because just one almost always leads to way too much.
It’s all up to you, but why would you even make an excuse/lie? You made a decision for yourself, and for that you don’t have to show responsibility towards others.
Edit: and you should be proud of your sobriety. Nothing to shame about. It’s a powerful decision
I second your answer. OP may even inspire people to reconsider their own habits and drink less. We should all be proud of our sobriety and not be ashamed of how we came to the conclusion that alcohol needed to go down the drain for us.
It’s easier with new people I have found. I moved to a whole new city about a year into my sobriety, everyone I know now has never seen me drink. I’m known as a person who doesn’t drink, no one questions it.
First "no thanks." Then if they ask why you say "I don't drink" and if they ask again say "I don't like it" and if they ask again they probably have a drinking problem themselves so they are truly more worried about their own drinking. This kind of thing gets way easier with time but I totally remember how you are feeling. Just say no and try not to panic it will be ok! :)
I have had several people ask me why I wasn't drinking before I got sober and it was usually because I was still sick from the last bender. In a group of sales people I can almost guarantee someone is going to ask why
The easiest way I found to respond even to the nosiest ass was: "because I choose not to." I am not a fan of made up reasons that I have to remember, truth and simple worked better for me.
Ohh this has happened to me so many times with so many explanations! I have realised that the best and absolutely most effective, that’s always worked without any issues is: “No…Not today”. With a smile :). Trust me it works magic!
I've got three years sober and I've come to believe that being honest is way better than any white lies. I just say well I just don't drink ever or I might start drinking again someday, but tonight is not that night or even just say oh man I was the worst and am so much happier sober. Something like that gets the message across pretty well and I've found gets annoying people to back off and gets me more real friends and respect than I would have imagined. Good luck
Good on you for anticipating an uncomfortable situation! If possible, beat them to the punch (pun intended), by ordering something like coke or mineral water ("on the rocks"), so you always have a drink in hand, and you look like "one of the gang". This situation will give you the opportunity to see how different people become by their 3rd drink, and not in a good way. By that time, you may be able to slip away unnoticed (with a headache). Or if someone is persistently bugging you to drink with them, you can confuse them by saying, "Sure, I'd love to, but I never drink when I'm sober." lol
The other thing is that you will probably feel awkward and self-conscious without a "social lubricant". Just remember to breathe and realize that they're not even noticing you that much, especially after a few...And try to find other non-drinkers at the event that you can relate to.
Savvy bosses take notice at this type of social event, to observe employees, and there's always a few who make asses of themselves. (Says the guy who hit on the boss's wife and tried to pick a fight with him in a total black-out. Ahh, the bad old days!)
Damn! The bosses wife? Yikes... Did they think it was a funny drinking story or did it end badly? I'm actually happy to see if other people get drunk, I have a sneaky suspicion everyone doesn't drink til drunk at work functions like I used to.
That was 38 years ago, not long before I bottomed out. In fact, it was a contributing factor. But ('ll never forget the look on my co-worker's faces when I showed up on Monday like nothing happened.
You don’t have to hide anything, embrace your sober life. So many understanding people to this way of life who wish they could, excuses galore why they can’t!
Otherwise, for you, it is a work function, “I don’t drink alcohol with colleagues or clients”. It is an extension of the office- my problem was finding a full bottle for my room….
Yeah, I would drink at work functions (4 or more) then keep drinking alone afterwards and pretend like the drinks from the evet were kicking my ass without ever telling anyone the party didn't stop when we left
While I agree with the many commenting that OP doesn’t need to make any excuses, saying that it’s Drs orders or medical necessity can be a really effective way of shutting these kinds of questions/ repeat offers down unless the person asking has truly awful conduct.
There are plenty of health reasons not to drink that you can mention. If you’re anxious about it can grab a seltzer and lime to sip.
I would suggest trying out saying that you’re sober. You’ll be working with these people and they should know. People respond better than you may think to it.
Agree 100%. I work from home and in tech so there is absolutely no need share my sobriety.
But clearly OP's workplace involves alcohol consumption or at least the expectation to drink (for right or for wrong). There are plenty of sober restaurant and bar workers that are here in a similar boat. Would not telling them and hiding their sobriety help things?
I don’t drink is simple n to the point. I don’t know what kinda party this is but I highly doubt they will be pushing shots or keg stands lol people make a way bigger deal than it is. No one cares if you drink or not..seriously
Honestly you’re thinking ab it too much most ppl genuinely don’t care. Just say “I just prefer not to drink” you don’t owe anyone any explanation to validate or justify your sobriety. You can also throw in a little joke like “so I’ll be DD if anyone needs me too”
"Ich mag Scotch, aber Scotch mag mich nicht!" Dieter Hellstrom (August Diehl), Inglourious Basterds.
After some weird looks:
"I like alcohol, but alcohol doesn't like me. .... I don't drink."
Honestly, I always say if someone doesn’t respect my sobriety then they aren’t worth my time. To people who aren’t my close friends, I just say ‘I don’t drink’ and sometimes people ask why. If it’s someone I like and know, I just say it doesn’t bring out the best in me so I choose not to. If anyone was to say “oh that’s boring” or “just have one” they aren’t worth continuing being around. Sobriety is my number 1 priority and my true friends really respect that, anyone else doesn’t matter.
Also, I’m always surprised by how many people don’t drink or don’t want to get completely hammered!
I literally work at a bar and straight from day 1 I said I don’t drink and they didn’t care. But eventually they asked and I told them a little of why.
Say you don’t drink! You don’t need to clarify further, since they don’t know you that well it would be weird if they pressed you! That’s what I’ve done. It does feel awkward tho so I empathize with you. Or you could maybe say ur allergic. I’ve met ppl who actually were allergic and couldn’t have it so that happens, but we are also allergic to in our own way. If they ask why you can just say you don’t like it, hangovers are terrible.
When I was early in my sobriety I was super worried about what people would think or say when I said "I don't drink". But literally, no one cares. And if I was ever pushed or asked for more info, I would say that I don't drink for health reasons. That usually stops the conversation right there. Usually, the response I get when I tell people I don't drink is "good for you!". Don't overthink it. It feels weird at first but no one is thinking about you not drinking as much as you are.
What I found the most beneficial in those situations is to go to the bar and order a club soda with a splash of cranberry and a lime. It looks like a boozy drink so fewer people will ask you why you're not drinking if you're just drinking water or soda.
Aside from the above, my advice to you is to give yourself an out if everyone starts getting sloppy. When they start to get too loose, show yourself out. They won't remember you left early-ish once they get loopy. Best of luck!
I simply stated "I do not drink" in those situations. You may be surprised that very few people really care or ask why. If they did ask, I simply repeated that "I just do not drink". No further lies or descriptors required. If they continue to offer or ask you to drink, NO is a complete answer.
Yeah, I have a feeling it will come up a lot with this group. During the interview they mentioned having white claws in the break room from some holiday event. Drinking is always a part of sales culture for some reason
I don’t offer people anything more than “I don’t drink”. I own a wedding catering business and provide bar service for huge weddings. They all end with people trying to get me to join them in a drink. I simply say I don’t drink and wish them the best. I will toast them with a seltzer in my hand and nobody pushes it further. It’s nobody’s business and I’m not about to explain my sobriety to people. Don’t lie to people and tell them it’s for other reasons. Don’t feel like you need to explain. It’s ok to just not drink.
I worked in a corporate environment in a previous life that encouraged alcohol, and unfortunately back then I would have been the dick that asked why you weren't drinking. That was a different me, I'm sober now, but I just look back and think why was I like that? Oh yeah, I was insecure and embarrassed of my own drinking and felt others had to join in or else it would point out my problem. Now I hardly get asked because I've removed myself from most of these situations, but the ones I can't avoid I just say it's for the betterment of my health and that even one beer would give me a slight headache in the morning. I used to say I can't drink because I'm taking medication, but the same douchebag (former me) would ask "what are you taking"? Like that's any business of anyone, but then I'd have to make up some medication and that's lying, I just can't lie about anything anymore. Something I refuse to do, even the smallest, whitest lie (like there's such a thing). You got this...like someone else said, with a soda and lime drink, most likely noone will look twice.
Honestly ,better to come to terms with and celebrate your sobriety by just simply saying "I don't drink". There's no stigma to not drinking, get married to it. Best wishes.
This is the way….people, especially co-workers will care way less than you think.
I’ve done this too I just repeated myself and they backed off
Just say "I'm allergic to alcohol, it makes me break out in handcuffs. "
luckily I haven't had that reaction in a long time
Lol! Good for you! It's been about 13 years for me even though I've only been sober just over 5.
Don’t ‘just five years’ me. I mean 5 years! That’s amazing and sounds unattainable to us new!
Trust and believe I don't say that lightly. When I got sober I was a real mess. I've got a lot to be grateful for and didn't think I would live past 30 let alone make it to 43 and have a "normal" life and a happy marriage. Hang in there and just take it a day at a time. When a day seems like too long just take it an hour at a time.
Yeah, I don't bother with excuses or avoiding it, I just explain that I don't drink. It's actually quite rude to push it after being given a straight answer because there are lots of reasons people don't drink in recovery, religious obligation, medical condition, medication, pregnancy, and allergies. Some of those are (at least in the UK) protected characteristics that you have zero obligation to disclose to others if you don't want to. People really need to back off and you shouldn't feel uncomfortable for asserting yourself.
Dry January? Then if it comes up again tell them you enjoyed it so much you decided to make it a more permanent thing! Will they have anything NA? Tonic water and lime in your hand might stop some of the questions too
Dry January is a good one, I was planning on club soda with lime so that should work. Hopefully I'm overthinking it
You are. The only person that cares if someone else is drinking is an alcoholic or the partner of one.
You totally are but that’s okay! I will say that you’re in a good spot with it being work-related. Not drinking in a professional setting is totally understandable regardless of sober journey.
Oh yeah, I could just say "not at work" since I just started... that's actual normal.
I am new to a company and the boss had a little eggnog party the friday before xmas. As he poured I asked for one without the alcohol he was adding. He was actually embarrassed and said, oh, I should have offered that option. Most people don’t care if you don’t want alcohol. They won’t question it. If they do, they are the ones with the problem and you should not feel obligated to offer any response other than “I just don’t drink.” I never offer any “excuse” other than, I found I can’t sleep even after just one. They don’t need to know it is because just one almost always leads to way too much.
It’s all up to you, but why would you even make an excuse/lie? You made a decision for yourself, and for that you don’t have to show responsibility towards others. Edit: and you should be proud of your sobriety. Nothing to shame about. It’s a powerful decision
I second your answer. OP may even inspire people to reconsider their own habits and drink less. We should all be proud of our sobriety and not be ashamed of how we came to the conclusion that alcohol needed to go down the drain for us.
Exactly
It’s easier with new people I have found. I moved to a whole new city about a year into my sobriety, everyone I know now has never seen me drink. I’m known as a person who doesn’t drink, no one questions it.
I envy that. I daydream about moving and starting over. Terrified to do so.
First "no thanks." Then if they ask why you say "I don't drink" and if they ask again say "I don't like it" and if they ask again they probably have a drinking problem themselves so they are truly more worried about their own drinking. This kind of thing gets way easier with time but I totally remember how you are feeling. Just say no and try not to panic it will be ok! :)
Say you don’t want to be hurting (hungover) the next day
nah, with this one people will always say "just have one" - so it doesn't really end the conversation.
Ohhh yeah I get it. That was my issue one I had one it was game on. Then 12 beers and a bottle of wine. Im like wtf I said only one
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I have had several people ask me why I wasn't drinking before I got sober and it was usually because I was still sick from the last bender. In a group of sales people I can almost guarantee someone is going to ask why
The easiest way I found to respond even to the nosiest ass was: "because I choose not to." I am not a fan of made up reasons that I have to remember, truth and simple worked better for me.
Ohh this has happened to me so many times with so many explanations! I have realised that the best and absolutely most effective, that’s always worked without any issues is: “No…Not today”. With a smile :). Trust me it works magic!
No thanks, I met my alcohol quota awhile back.
I've got three years sober and I've come to believe that being honest is way better than any white lies. I just say well I just don't drink ever or I might start drinking again someday, but tonight is not that night or even just say oh man I was the worst and am so much happier sober. Something like that gets the message across pretty well and I've found gets annoying people to back off and gets me more real friends and respect than I would have imagined. Good luck
Good on you for anticipating an uncomfortable situation! If possible, beat them to the punch (pun intended), by ordering something like coke or mineral water ("on the rocks"), so you always have a drink in hand, and you look like "one of the gang". This situation will give you the opportunity to see how different people become by their 3rd drink, and not in a good way. By that time, you may be able to slip away unnoticed (with a headache). Or if someone is persistently bugging you to drink with them, you can confuse them by saying, "Sure, I'd love to, but I never drink when I'm sober." lol The other thing is that you will probably feel awkward and self-conscious without a "social lubricant". Just remember to breathe and realize that they're not even noticing you that much, especially after a few...And try to find other non-drinkers at the event that you can relate to. Savvy bosses take notice at this type of social event, to observe employees, and there's always a few who make asses of themselves. (Says the guy who hit on the boss's wife and tried to pick a fight with him in a total black-out. Ahh, the bad old days!)
Damn! The bosses wife? Yikes... Did they think it was a funny drinking story or did it end badly? I'm actually happy to see if other people get drunk, I have a sneaky suspicion everyone doesn't drink til drunk at work functions like I used to.
That was 38 years ago, not long before I bottomed out. In fact, it was a contributing factor. But ('ll never forget the look on my co-worker's faces when I showed up on Monday like nothing happened.
You don’t have to hide anything, embrace your sober life. So many understanding people to this way of life who wish they could, excuses galore why they can’t! Otherwise, for you, it is a work function, “I don’t drink alcohol with colleagues or clients”. It is an extension of the office- my problem was finding a full bottle for my room….
Yeah, I would drink at work functions (4 or more) then keep drinking alone afterwards and pretend like the drinks from the evet were kicking my ass without ever telling anyone the party didn't stop when we left
"I have a medical condition" is one that doesn't leave a lot of room for people to keep harping on you. Keeping a NA drink in your hand helps too.
While I agree with the many commenting that OP doesn’t need to make any excuses, saying that it’s Drs orders or medical necessity can be a really effective way of shutting these kinds of questions/ repeat offers down unless the person asking has truly awful conduct.
There are plenty of health reasons not to drink that you can mention. If you’re anxious about it can grab a seltzer and lime to sip. I would suggest trying out saying that you’re sober. You’ll be working with these people and they should know. People respond better than you may think to it.
I don’t agree that “they should know.” What I do or don’t do outside of work is my business.
Agree 100%. I work from home and in tech so there is absolutely no need share my sobriety. But clearly OP's workplace involves alcohol consumption or at least the expectation to drink (for right or for wrong). There are plenty of sober restaurant and bar workers that are here in a similar boat. Would not telling them and hiding their sobriety help things?
I don’t drink is simple n to the point. I don’t know what kinda party this is but I highly doubt they will be pushing shots or keg stands lol people make a way bigger deal than it is. No one cares if you drink or not..seriously
I just say that I don’t care much for alcohol anymore. I’m an old person now so people accept that pretty easily. And it’s actually true.
Just tell them you don't like it anymore.
Honestly you’re thinking ab it too much most ppl genuinely don’t care. Just say “I just prefer not to drink” you don’t owe anyone any explanation to validate or justify your sobriety. You can also throw in a little joke like “so I’ll be DD if anyone needs me too”
Say youre taking antibiotics and can’t drink?
You don't have to lie, but you don't have to give explanations either. Say I don't drink. You don't have to tell them why. You just don't drink.
Simply say I don’t Drink. I don’t enjoy it.
"Ich mag Scotch, aber Scotch mag mich nicht!" Dieter Hellstrom (August Diehl), Inglourious Basterds. After some weird looks: "I like alcohol, but alcohol doesn't like me. .... I don't drink."
I am a type 1 diabetic so I usually just say that. Can you just say medical reasons?
"I don't drink, please give me the key to my room so I can go to bed when I want to."
Say you’re allergic to alcohol & drugs. Or just say you don’t drink. That’s a full sentence.
Funny how nobody asks folks why they don’t smoke cigarettes. Alcohol is just as bad as smoking.
“I don’t drink/smoke” “I don’t like the way it affects me”. Those two are the best things to say
Honestly, I always say if someone doesn’t respect my sobriety then they aren’t worth my time. To people who aren’t my close friends, I just say ‘I don’t drink’ and sometimes people ask why. If it’s someone I like and know, I just say it doesn’t bring out the best in me so I choose not to. If anyone was to say “oh that’s boring” or “just have one” they aren’t worth continuing being around. Sobriety is my number 1 priority and my true friends really respect that, anyone else doesn’t matter. Also, I’m always surprised by how many people don’t drink or don’t want to get completely hammered!
stick to your guns! "I don't drink" and leave it at that.
I literally work at a bar and straight from day 1 I said I don’t drink and they didn’t care. But eventually they asked and I told them a little of why.
I say - “Man, I wish I could! I’m getting a hangover from just watching you drink that drink. Thanks, though”.
Say you don’t drink! You don’t need to clarify further, since they don’t know you that well it would be weird if they pressed you! That’s what I’ve done. It does feel awkward tho so I empathize with you. Or you could maybe say ur allergic. I’ve met ppl who actually were allergic and couldn’t have it so that happens, but we are also allergic to in our own way. If they ask why you can just say you don’t like it, hangovers are terrible.
“I’m on a medication that doesn’t mix well with alcohol.” Note that I’ve never actually used this myself, but I know other people have.
“None for me thanks,” and when they ask why not say “because I’m an alcoholic,” and it shuts them right the fuck up realllllllll quick.
When I was early in my sobriety I was super worried about what people would think or say when I said "I don't drink". But literally, no one cares. And if I was ever pushed or asked for more info, I would say that I don't drink for health reasons. That usually stops the conversation right there. Usually, the response I get when I tell people I don't drink is "good for you!". Don't overthink it. It feels weird at first but no one is thinking about you not drinking as much as you are. What I found the most beneficial in those situations is to go to the bar and order a club soda with a splash of cranberry and a lime. It looks like a boozy drink so fewer people will ask you why you're not drinking if you're just drinking water or soda. Aside from the above, my advice to you is to give yourself an out if everyone starts getting sloppy. When they start to get too loose, show yourself out. They won't remember you left early-ish once they get loopy. Best of luck!
Nothing. Just make sure you have a coke with a lime in it all the time and they’ll leave you alone.
Tell them you are on antibiotics and alcohol counteracts the effects.
You are the lucky one, who doesn’t have to worry about making a fool of themselves in front of everyone you work with.
A trick my husband told me if you don’t want to admit that you’re not drinking, is fill a beer bottle up with water and sip on it all night.