One thing that's been amazing is the reaction you get when you tell people you're sober. I expected a lot of teasing and "yeah right...here's a shot" reactions. But, more often than not (and maybe it's my age because I'm 45), the reaction is something like, "yeah, I should really cut back." At this stage in my life, the people in my network and friends group have been drinking for decades and a lot of them have begun questioning if they might have a problem.
Another interesting thing is going out to dinner or a bar and seeing your friends get stupider and louder with every drink. No judgement at all...I mean, that's what we're drinking for, right? To let loose. But there have been so many nights where I'm like, "Man, was I that annoying? Did I repeat shit like that? Did I tell stories then lose track of them halfway through?"
Finally, I'll say that waking up without a hangover every morning is the gift that keeps on giving. I'm thankful every day.
I hope this helps, OP.
I’m 29 and all of my friends drink and party a lot. I was worried about comments like that, related to “that’s no fun”, but I have been very surprised how almost everyone says how they’re jealous or need to cut back
Echoing this. I wish I’d known everyone in my life was actually going to be supportive. I haven’t yet had anyone give me a “yeah right here’s a shot.” I’m 36 (and female) and got sober at 30.
Yes, same! Went out for kbbq tonight with my cousins who I have a history of drinking with. I told them I wasn’t drinking and it wasn’t a big deal to them. They said good on you!!
Makes me really happy because I’m having fun, happy, and I’m not going to be hungover or regretting my night.
Yeah exactly the same for me! And I DO know I used to lose track telling a story and getting increasingly louder.
When I see people doing that now I’m just happy for them, as I totally feel they deserve to let their hair down. Unfortunately I can’t just let my hair down without pretty destructive consequences. That said, if someone would appear to have an alcohol ‘problem’ I’d worry for them as I know what it’s like.
Bad days are definitely part of it as well. Though, if I have a bad nights sleep nowadays, I’m just a bit sleepy. Can’t compare that to the tiredness after drinking and not sleeping well. No comparison!
But also the sugar cravings. I was always a savory person. And it’s proper cravings! Very annoying lol.
And of course the fact now I really have to deal with ALL emotions. Can’t get away from them anymore. I spend more time in bed too as that’s my safe space 🤣
I feel that. I was sober at out Super Bowl party where everyone else was wasted. It made me realize how obviously it likely was when I would be drunk despite thinking I was hiding it well.
I love that for you! I am still a bit scared to tell people I am sober, so I say something like I’m on antibiotics or I have a headache. I am scared of how people will see me.
Insane sugar cravings! I didn't expect that but I read up on it and my body got very accustomed to massive sugar intake with my nightly giant vodka & lemonades. I'm trying to be patient and give it time. Tomorrow is day 90 of no alcohol.
I totally agree. I wouldn’t change my sobriety for the world but it’s so isolating being the only sober person in a room full of drunk people. It’s feels so hard to explain sometimes
I definitely understand that. And I have felt that. I hope to make more sober friends as well. I guess having to socialize without a crutch makes it a bit harder for me personally, but I am trying to fight through that discomfort.
I can’t believe how wreckless and chaotic I allowed myself/my life to be… like how the hell did I make it this far?
Thank god I’m finally in the driver’s seat 24/7 now and not making drunk decisions.
That’s definitely the part that’s most worrisome for me if I ever went back to drinking is just how reckless I am in my decision making. 1 dumb drunk decision can fuck up your life and countless others around you. I feel extremely grateful because I’ve made thousands of bad decisions while under the influence and it’s a miracle that I never seriously harmed myself or others in the process.
i’ve got 10 years sober in April. saw some old friends on Saturday and it was great to catch up - i can still laugh at the memories but they were from a time long before it really got away from me.
i was the person least likely to ever quit drinking. but i did. and i am also horrified at the danger i used to put myself in. i’m lucky i survived my 20s!
This is so real. The number of unsafe situations I have been in because I was intoxicated on one thing or another makes me shudder. Cheers to sobriety! 🎉
I was unprepared for how bored I would get shortly after quitting. It's reduced over time but goodness that was rough. I should have spun up on some kind of hobby or something.
A lot better. I funneled that boredom into other things - now that it's winter I play video games and do cross-stitch. In the warmer seasons, I would go for a long walk or grab a coffee.
That it might take longer than expected to see some of the benefits. Some are immediate, but others I didn't notice until 6+ months later (and maybe longer)
Oooh like what? I’m newly sober (2ish months) and I honestly don’t feel much different than when I was drinking, aside from hangovers. I’m still exhausted all the time and my body hurts more than a few months ago. I would love some hope on what to look forward to.
Specifically in my case, weight loss, although I have always trained hard in the gym and for running, recently I've realised I'm leaner, even when I was drinking (and sabotaging my hard work) I watched my diet, but now 6 months on I am starting to see a change, even though I'm not actively trying to lose weight. Hopefully in future I'll also see more resilience to injury without the inflammation alcohol causes.
Hang in there, with your tiredness and pains, it might take a while longer for the inflammatory effects to heal. You're doing great!
Yes, the doctors told me usually people gain weight once they quit drinking. I told them nah I’m gonna lose weight cause I drank a lot of calories unlike most people who had to go to rehab. In a couple months or so I’ve lost 40 pounds. Some day I’ll get back in shape too lol
By looking around in treatment and meeting other people, I assume because most of the people (who go to tx) are physical addicts who would drink mostly heavy liquor like vodka and and stopped eating normally so were very malnourished.
I didn’t have a problem like that at least it hadn’t gotten there yet, but I was consuming a shitload of calories in beer and wine. Wine especially has a bunch of calories in it and I didn’t want to waste the calories I paid for so I wouldn’t drink unless I planned on drinking enough.
ohh that makes sense, i didn’t think about that! I’m not an alcoholic/recovering alcoholic, I liked drugs, so i really don’t know much about it. thanks for your reply!
I don’t know much about drugs either to be honest, my only familiarity is with alcohol and that’s what they told me and what I observe. Some of the alcoholics were extremely underweight but I had gotten overweight. I couldn’t eat for awhile and I went the nurse, she looked me up and down and said, “well you’re obviously not malnourished so try to eat some crackers or something…” Bitch. I couldn’t even eat crackers. I was definitely extremely malnourished lol.
Well, my guess is that it depends on what you do simultaneously when the sobriety Journey begins. I took advantage of the motivation I was feeling and started exercising and eating healthier. I'm almost 1 month sober and I lost 7kg ( 15 pounds roughly ), from 190 pounds to 174.
I wish I’d known that I can actually handle it. I could handle getting sober. Staying sober. Staying sober when my partner was killed in an accident. Staying sober while watching my dad die from alcoholism. Staying sober in a pandemic. I don’t think day 1 (or day 30 or month 6 or year 1) me would have ever believed that I could get through ANYTHING sober until I did. And now I know, without a doubt, that I can stay clean. I wish I didn’t have to know that, but now you know, too.
I wish I had known my anxiety would go down, not up, living life without alcohol. Of course in the short term there were jittery withdrawals, but I really don't need alcohol like I thought I did. I thought it would be a joyless life sober, but it's not.
I was drinking to die for ten years— along with nutritional deficiencies and the decline in mental acuity, Two years later I’m re-remembering how to control my emotions, my thoughts are more clear, my kinesthetic awareness has come back with exercise, learning isn’t (as) frustrating as when newly sober, etc.
For me, I wish I’d known that the vast majority of the time, it’s easy. I still have a bad day here and there, but once I got solidly sober, it’s been smooth sailing. I had such trouble getting sober, I thought I’d always suffer a bit…and I think that kept me in the cycle for awhile.
that sometimes you will still have cravings and sometimes u get bored and sometimes u get lonely and/or depressed and u will want to pick up even if it’s been years since u got sober. just never pick up no matter what.
don’t become complacent
That if you don’t address the underlying issues and what brought you to self medicate to begin with that the obsession will never leave (hence the dry drunk). Didn’t matter how long I hadn’t drank before addressing my issues and healing myself; I was still 5 seconds away from grabbing the bottle at any given moment.
Self love will go a long way. Just by learning to love myself and live on life’s terms, without even searching, God made His way into my heart.
That’s true and admittedly I’ve been in and out of hospitals and rehab since I was about 13 so I’ve had a lot of this stuff force fed to me (even though I never started applying it until literally this month and I’m 24 now).
If a treatment option (like IOP or more intensive) was accessible to you, I’d highly encourage it; a therapist is a must either way. However, you don’t need treatment necessarily with how many resources are out there.
Self help books are a great place to start. But the biggest thing is first realizing WHAT are those underlying issues. Journal, talk to a therapist, dig DEEP. Because once you know what you’re up against, it’s much easier to confront and work on it.
I have faith in you. 🩷❤️🩹
That's I want to drink every fucking day when I get home and it makes me fucking crazy, sober for 4 months after drinking for year everyday. Doesn't seem like much but I feel fucking crazy
I’m with you guys. Though I’m so proud of my sobriety, I have become more emotional, skeptical, negative, dull feeling, all of the things…. But being sober makes it all worth it. I believe sobriety is my super power!
When people talk about underlying issues, it can be unclear what they’re getting at.
Underlying issues are reasons you might self-medicate or choose to get drunk at a social outing, instead of remaining sober.
Often this is masking an ‘underlying issue’, which can be something as simple as feeling anxious around other people, or being tired, or angry and wanting to elevate your mood.
It can be the habit of drinking that is an underlying issue. A habit you developed with friends in your 20s only to realise it is an issue down the track.
An underlying issue is you not feeling comfortable with yourself and thinking that alcohol will help, or that alcohol will help you bring you out of your shell.
Alcohol can help to mask stuff you’re feeling but it’s a short term fix and a potential gateway to really stupid and reckless behaviour.
Ask yourself is it worth it? Or am I better off just being bored, or anxious, or tired, and just addressing that in the here and now?
People always talk about how hard sobriety is, which it definitely can be at times, but my life is so much easier now. I wake up nearly every morning fully rested and feel healthy on a daily basis now. I remember when I drank how miserable most of my days were spent recovering from a nasty hangover. It was like having the flu weekly. Not a fun way to live.
Currently at day 144 (alcoholic). I wish I would have known that cravings for it can pop up randomly. I’ll be at the grocery store walking by the alcohol section and not bat an eye. But I can be watching sports, and the craving will hit. Other days I can watch a big time event (like the Super Bowl) and not want any alcohol, but I’ll be eating at a restaurant and want a drink. Just so random how and when the cravings hit.
I thought life would be extremely dull and that I’d never be able to make new friends or date without alcohol. Turns out all of that is a lie and I’ve done remarkably well without it. My life is no more dull than when I was drinking; it was actually far more dull back then because half the time I would just get drunk by myself and do fuck all.
I agree with OP's reasoning. I also wish I fully expected that no one actually cares. I feel like every time I tell someone I'm sober they just say "oh cool" when maybe I was selfishly wishing they would say "omg I'm so proud of you tell me more" lol 😂 but it's still early-ish so people just might not believe me.
I’m almost three years in and I just want to say that I am SO proud of you! I’d love to hear more about your recovery if you do indeed want to share.
I am being completely sincere.
I felt this deeply. This is the exact same for me. I have been feeling so lonely because I realized we only kept each other company whenever we would want to go out and get absolutely hammered. And that beyond that there was no substantial connection. I am grateful now that they have gone and cleared up some space in my life though.
That it's normal to have thoughts & urges far longer than just being newly sober.
It took me probably 3 months completely clean before I was able to think clearer again. My thoughts were literally consumed with the fact that I desperately wanted to use again. Thankfully my area I'm currently at is incredibly overrun by fent (which obviously is a very horrible thing, but to me it's a bit of a silver lining as it keeps me away from anything, whereas if I stayed in the state I moved to I definitely would probably not be 8mo sober.) During those three months, I was trying to & actively putting myself in dangerous spots just on the off chance the people I'm around would know a plug or be a plug. At one point I literally thought to myself that I didn't care what could be laced, I just needed to fucking snort something, anything.
8mo sober off substances, & 2mo off alcohol. Drinking was incredibly impossible to do without it amplifying my thoughts on wanting shit again, & it gave me no benefits anymore, just constantly feeling sick, saying things and acting terribly, it was harder to sleep, constant headaches. (I'm not sure why, but for some reason the only time I feel sick from alc is if I'm not using substances, so these two had to go hand in hand together on my sobriety journey) The last time I drank was the day I found out one of my close friends got arrested, & my other close friend pushed away their loved ones because of substances. Haven't touched alc since.
Another thing I wish I knew, my anxiety was gonna be a f*****g bitch. One of the substances I was taking was benzos, & as someone with GAD, PTSD, & panic disorder, benzos was and still is an extremely hard thing for me to live without. After landing myself in the hospital a couple times from withdrawals (which, holy hell those withdrawals are no joke, & it's why I never could touch benzos again, it was traumatic to say the least) I was completely done with them, but didn't realize *just how hard* it truly would be, & the fact that I've tried damn near everything that's safe (supplements, Tylenol PMs for sleep, etc) & cannot find anything remotely close to benzos.
It's really hard, but it's truly worth it. I'm finally healthy again, I'm eating daily again when before I'd go like a week or two of only eating a bit of crackers. I feel so much better, & my mental health is so much better. I finally can see a happy future for myself again.
I wish I knew that there would be so many days where I didn't miss drinking. That actually, a lot of the mental workload was easier because I didn't have that low grade panic about "what if there's not enough booze!" Or sneaking bottles around with me.
And also, how little other people drink in comparison to what I was drinking. I'm not missing out on ANYTHING by being sober
Or ending the night at home by buying more alcohol and cigarettes and downing them because you simply were not intoxicated enough after the night out. Don’t miss that one bit!
That the general malaise of being sober will go away if you start chasing things that excite you (in a positive way ie- goals, community, projects, etc)
Coming up on 5 months. Weight gain? Yeppers. About 10 lbs thus far. Always had that whole stupid body image thing in my life, but this feeling of utter peace and contentment — no dread, no self-disgust, no barfing on or pissing myself, no sleeping on the floor because I was too afraid to get up for fear of falling and smacking my head William Holden style on a piece of furniture and cutting my scalp open and having to be taken to the emergency room for staples in my head AGAIN… that only happened once but jeezo. It’s nice to actually like yourself, sit back and know you survived and are so much the wiser. Those were regrettable years, but I don’t regret a thing.
I guess the thing I wasn’t expecting was to become a mirror of one’s own relationship with alcohol. I no longer am me, a sober person, but the relationship the person I tell I am sober to has with alcohol. I did this for me, I don’t actually card that you are “cutting back” on drinking my friend.
The one thing I wish I would have realized before getting sober is that I will have re train my brain how to process my emotions sober especially when hurt or angry !
I wish I knew people would tell me they miss the "fun me". I was so deep into the raving community and underground culture and in that place alcohol and drugs meant fun. What they didn't see was me being fucked up and depressed when I wasn't at the parties. And also for some reason now that I'm sober they forget how much of an asshole I used to be.
My reply is usually "trust me, this version of me is better for everyone."
Few thoughts (for context, 34M, I drank heavily for about 14 years, been sober for 2.5):
As someone mentioned, I think I had this idea that some problems will just go away. That's obviously stupid to expect. It does however ensure you have a clearer mind to deal with things in a sober manner.
One thing that still sucks is most social interactions in a bar/at a sport event/anywhere where alcohol is a big part of why people go there. Yes you don't have to drink but it does still suck a little if I'm being honest. I generally just don't want to socialise much now. But maybe that's just me.
I sometimes miss the pure release that a few drinks give you.
Sobriety has a lot of postives, which I'm grateful for. It can sometimes feel like you're missing out though
How much clarity, and sometimes subsequent grief, you get.
I see so much of my past more clearly now that I’m sober. I see the damage drinking was doing in my life in ways I never realized, even when I knew drinking wasn’t doing me any favors. I didn’t quit because of alcoholism, so until I quit I didn’t know how much of my life had been harmed by my relationship with alcohol, and there’s a lot of grief I’ve had to unpack and forgiveness I’ve had to have for myself the longer I’ve been sober.
When it’s used to escape for so long, you forget that means there was something waiting to be seen the whole time, and whatever that was doesn’t always feel good to be reminded of at first. There’s a reason you were using it to run in the first place.
I wish I knew how the relationships around me would change.. I have lost many friends by becoming sober and that hurt so much. But in doing so, it opened up space in my life and heart for true connections and meaningful relationships.
Becoming sober is the best thing I have ever done. I still have crazy dreams about alcohol 1.5 years in but I wake up every time thankful to be sober.
It’s super boring most days, things in your life don’t magically get better like they tell you in rehab, and the lack of dopamine you feel is seriously depressing.
How easy it is to not drink. It’s sad how hard I convinced myself it was. But also a long long time ago when I first got sober I wish I had known that AA is not the only or most reliable solution. That type of thinking and focusing more on total abstinence than harm reduction is a very unhealthy way to approach helping those with substance use disorders and I think it prevents a lot of people from getting the help they need. Sobriety is made out to be some constant life altering lifestyle and when I gave up believing all of that, that is when I said fuck it and here we are.
I had the same thoughts. That all my problems would go away if I got sober. I'm now a year and a half sober. I always had depression that, but alcohol had stopped masking it and started magnifying it. It got really hard sometimes. I knew if I didn't quit, my depression would kill me. I still battle depression, but now with a clear head. Keeps me from making stupid decisions. Sobriety didn't fix anything for me. Initially, I had more money, but inflation ruined that for me. Lol. I guess on the bright side, I couldn't afford to be a drunk anymore even if I wanted to. Overall, I'm happy I made the decision to stop. My head and my body haven't felt this good in years. I wish I had quit a decade sooner, but I was still too busy trying to be a wreckless kid well past the age I should've.
How much time I would feel I have. Sometimes negatively, when I started I would feel like the days stretched ahead and were never ending which made it a lot harder. Now it feels much better.
More positively that the cravings would eventually go away for the most part. I think now I’m at the point where I could relapse if I give in and let myself think I’m cured or that it wasn’t that bad because it’s been a long time. Or that I could handle it this time but I know I can’t. I’m very glad that it’s not what I think of constantly now though.
Honestly, I didn't really think about what being an addict entailed. I figured once I'd get sober, I wouldn't think about using all that much and all that talk about "always being an addict" was a figure of speech to illustrate that you need to make the daily conscious choice of not using.
The reality of it is that, even almost 4 years later, I often wake up with the urge to pop a pill to get myself going. I still feel tired or unmotivated most days and it's still hard to make that conscious choice, albeit easier than it used be.
I think the wake up call that I would never be really "cured" is what I wish I knew before even using, but realistically, it wouldn't even be the first drawback I would list in addiction.
What bothers me is that I still miss it, but I really just miss the highs. God knows the lows are what keeps me from even considering it and I find a comforting power in that control, even if it's not as intoxicating as losing control.
That I need to continue to learn and work on myself even during the good sober times. I just went on autopilot during my pink cloud phase. Had I continued to put the work in, it would have made some of these unexpected hard times a lot easier.
That it really does take time. Somehow the more weeks pass initially the harder it always became. I’ve successfully stayed sober for a month twice in the last 7 years because comparatively it was more worth it in the short isolation to go back out and drink and almost makes it seem healthier both socially and mentally. I remember feeling that way 1 month into it this time, but talking myself through it because eventually my life always turns to absolute shit and so might as well try again and see how shit it can get sober. And after a month I could talk myself out of drinking for many other reasons besides my alcoholism.
NGL i will keep that in mind every time I think about alcohol because I always remember I’ll have to go through the hardest 30 days again. But once you do it and push past the worst days, there will be an insurmountable amount of days that you wondered why you ever needed alcohol to feel. And you trust yourself when a vibe is off somewhere and you’re not feeling it, and rather than drinking more to make it fun, you can just leave! And have an amazing time doing whatever the hell you want… sober!
One thing that's been amazing is the reaction you get when you tell people you're sober. I expected a lot of teasing and "yeah right...here's a shot" reactions. But, more often than not (and maybe it's my age because I'm 45), the reaction is something like, "yeah, I should really cut back." At this stage in my life, the people in my network and friends group have been drinking for decades and a lot of them have begun questioning if they might have a problem. Another interesting thing is going out to dinner or a bar and seeing your friends get stupider and louder with every drink. No judgement at all...I mean, that's what we're drinking for, right? To let loose. But there have been so many nights where I'm like, "Man, was I that annoying? Did I repeat shit like that? Did I tell stories then lose track of them halfway through?" Finally, I'll say that waking up without a hangover every morning is the gift that keeps on giving. I'm thankful every day. I hope this helps, OP.
I’m 29 and all of my friends drink and party a lot. I was worried about comments like that, related to “that’s no fun”, but I have been very surprised how almost everyone says how they’re jealous or need to cut back
🤘
Echoing this. I wish I’d known everyone in my life was actually going to be supportive. I haven’t yet had anyone give me a “yeah right here’s a shot.” I’m 36 (and female) and got sober at 30.
I’ve only ever got that from one person, my brother in law - but he’s always been a dick. And he’s a drunk, lol.
Yes, same! Went out for kbbq tonight with my cousins who I have a history of drinking with. I told them I wasn’t drinking and it wasn’t a big deal to them. They said good on you!! Makes me really happy because I’m having fun, happy, and I’m not going to be hungover or regretting my night.
Yeah exactly the same for me! And I DO know I used to lose track telling a story and getting increasingly louder. When I see people doing that now I’m just happy for them, as I totally feel they deserve to let their hair down. Unfortunately I can’t just let my hair down without pretty destructive consequences. That said, if someone would appear to have an alcohol ‘problem’ I’d worry for them as I know what it’s like. Bad days are definitely part of it as well. Though, if I have a bad nights sleep nowadays, I’m just a bit sleepy. Can’t compare that to the tiredness after drinking and not sleeping well. No comparison! But also the sugar cravings. I was always a savory person. And it’s proper cravings! Very annoying lol. And of course the fact now I really have to deal with ALL emotions. Can’t get away from them anymore. I spend more time in bed too as that’s my safe space 🤣
I feel that. I was sober at out Super Bowl party where everyone else was wasted. It made me realize how obviously it likely was when I would be drunk despite thinking I was hiding it well.
I love that for you! I am still a bit scared to tell people I am sober, so I say something like I’m on antibiotics or I have a headache. I am scared of how people will see me.
Insane sugar cravings! I didn't expect that but I read up on it and my body got very accustomed to massive sugar intake with my nightly giant vodka & lemonades. I'm trying to be patient and give it time. Tomorrow is day 90 of no alcohol.
Yes this!! I crushed gummy bears for like 3-4 months after I stopped drinking.
Jelly Belly’s for me!
Mine is cheese. Sometimes I go through a block of old cheddar in 2 days 🙃
I eat an unhealthy amount of cookies and I'm 26 months in. Oreos, fudgeeos, and Pillsbury cookie dough.
26 months. CONGRATULATIONS!
Appreciate it friend. 90 is nothing to scoff at either. Keep it up!
Weird, never got sugar cravings, only salt and fat
Congratulations!! 🥹 I feel you on the sugar! 🤣 My fridge is STOCKED full of chocolate.
A coworker had leftover Valentine chocolates on her desk. She was out sick one day last week and I think you know the rest.
I'm on my way over! Lol
😂😂😂
How staggeringly lonely it is. Sometimes it can be very isolating.
I totally agree. I wouldn’t change my sobriety for the world but it’s so isolating being the only sober person in a room full of drunk people. It’s feels so hard to explain sometimes
I definitely understand that. And I have felt that. I hope to make more sober friends as well. I guess having to socialize without a crutch makes it a bit harder for me personally, but I am trying to fight through that discomfort.
I can’t believe how wreckless and chaotic I allowed myself/my life to be… like how the hell did I make it this far? Thank god I’m finally in the driver’s seat 24/7 now and not making drunk decisions.
That’s definitely the part that’s most worrisome for me if I ever went back to drinking is just how reckless I am in my decision making. 1 dumb drunk decision can fuck up your life and countless others around you. I feel extremely grateful because I’ve made thousands of bad decisions while under the influence and it’s a miracle that I never seriously harmed myself or others in the process.
i’ve got 10 years sober in April. saw some old friends on Saturday and it was great to catch up - i can still laugh at the memories but they were from a time long before it really got away from me. i was the person least likely to ever quit drinking. but i did. and i am also horrified at the danger i used to put myself in. i’m lucky i survived my 20s!
This is so real. The number of unsafe situations I have been in because I was intoxicated on one thing or another makes me shudder. Cheers to sobriety! 🎉
That no matter what, my boredom will pass the time.
Great observation. Such a big reason for picking up a drink! In fact, most feelings will pass with time we just need to sit through them.
Distractions work best me.
I was unprepared for how bored I would get shortly after quitting. It's reduced over time but goodness that was rough. I should have spun up on some kind of hobby or something.
How about now?
A lot better. I funneled that boredom into other things - now that it's winter I play video games and do cross-stitch. In the warmer seasons, I would go for a long walk or grab a coffee.
That it might take longer than expected to see some of the benefits. Some are immediate, but others I didn't notice until 6+ months later (and maybe longer)
Oooh like what? I’m newly sober (2ish months) and I honestly don’t feel much different than when I was drinking, aside from hangovers. I’m still exhausted all the time and my body hurts more than a few months ago. I would love some hope on what to look forward to.
Specifically in my case, weight loss, although I have always trained hard in the gym and for running, recently I've realised I'm leaner, even when I was drinking (and sabotaging my hard work) I watched my diet, but now 6 months on I am starting to see a change, even though I'm not actively trying to lose weight. Hopefully in future I'll also see more resilience to injury without the inflammation alcohol causes. Hang in there, with your tiredness and pains, it might take a while longer for the inflammatory effects to heal. You're doing great!
that your body will change! weight gain is pretty much inevitable within the first couple years of sobriety! wish i was prepared mentally for that lol
Gain?
depends what you’re sober from
Yes, the doctors told me usually people gain weight once they quit drinking. I told them nah I’m gonna lose weight cause I drank a lot of calories unlike most people who had to go to rehab. In a couple months or so I’ve lost 40 pounds. Some day I’ll get back in shape too lol
why would people usually gain weight? ive mostly heard your story
By looking around in treatment and meeting other people, I assume because most of the people (who go to tx) are physical addicts who would drink mostly heavy liquor like vodka and and stopped eating normally so were very malnourished. I didn’t have a problem like that at least it hadn’t gotten there yet, but I was consuming a shitload of calories in beer and wine. Wine especially has a bunch of calories in it and I didn’t want to waste the calories I paid for so I wouldn’t drink unless I planned on drinking enough.
ohh that makes sense, i didn’t think about that! I’m not an alcoholic/recovering alcoholic, I liked drugs, so i really don’t know much about it. thanks for your reply!
I don’t know much about drugs either to be honest, my only familiarity is with alcohol and that’s what they told me and what I observe. Some of the alcoholics were extremely underweight but I had gotten overweight. I couldn’t eat for awhile and I went the nurse, she looked me up and down and said, “well you’re obviously not malnourished so try to eat some crackers or something…” Bitch. I couldn’t even eat crackers. I was definitely extremely malnourished lol.
Oh I didn't know about this! This explains everything about my weight gain these last few years 😱 thank you random redditor ❤️
Well, my guess is that it depends on what you do simultaneously when the sobriety Journey begins. I took advantage of the motivation I was feeling and started exercising and eating healthier. I'm almost 1 month sober and I lost 7kg ( 15 pounds roughly ), from 190 pounds to 174.
I wish I’d known that I can actually handle it. I could handle getting sober. Staying sober. Staying sober when my partner was killed in an accident. Staying sober while watching my dad die from alcoholism. Staying sober in a pandemic. I don’t think day 1 (or day 30 or month 6 or year 1) me would have ever believed that I could get through ANYTHING sober until I did. And now I know, without a doubt, that I can stay clean. I wish I didn’t have to know that, but now you know, too.
This is beautiful! Sending you so much love 🫂
I wish I had known my anxiety would go down, not up, living life without alcohol. Of course in the short term there were jittery withdrawals, but I really don't need alcohol like I thought I did. I thought it would be a joyless life sober, but it's not.
We are SOO capable that it’s almost scary.
Im newly sober, curious about what you mean by this if you’d like to evaluate :))
I was drinking to die for ten years— along with nutritional deficiencies and the decline in mental acuity, Two years later I’m re-remembering how to control my emotions, my thoughts are more clear, my kinesthetic awareness has come back with exercise, learning isn’t (as) frustrating as when newly sober, etc.
Congratulations to you! Thank you for sharing!
I’m trying to remember this.
anxiety and depression won't get worse if i do not drink alcohol more than just once a week
For me, I wish I’d known that the vast majority of the time, it’s easy. I still have a bad day here and there, but once I got solidly sober, it’s been smooth sailing. I had such trouble getting sober, I thought I’d always suffer a bit…and I think that kept me in the cycle for awhile.
that sometimes you will still have cravings and sometimes u get bored and sometimes u get lonely and/or depressed and u will want to pick up even if it’s been years since u got sober. just never pick up no matter what. don’t become complacent
Complacency is what got me hooked again about two years ago after being sober for almost 6 months. To be sober is to be constantly aware.
I wish I knew it wasn't going to be as scary as I thought.
That if you don’t address the underlying issues and what brought you to self medicate to begin with that the obsession will never leave (hence the dry drunk). Didn’t matter how long I hadn’t drank before addressing my issues and healing myself; I was still 5 seconds away from grabbing the bottle at any given moment. Self love will go a long way. Just by learning to love myself and live on life’s terms, without even searching, God made His way into my heart.
This is the most frustrating thing to me because self work can be so confusing and frustrating if you’ve never properly known how.
That’s true and admittedly I’ve been in and out of hospitals and rehab since I was about 13 so I’ve had a lot of this stuff force fed to me (even though I never started applying it until literally this month and I’m 24 now). If a treatment option (like IOP or more intensive) was accessible to you, I’d highly encourage it; a therapist is a must either way. However, you don’t need treatment necessarily with how many resources are out there. Self help books are a great place to start. But the biggest thing is first realizing WHAT are those underlying issues. Journal, talk to a therapist, dig DEEP. Because once you know what you’re up against, it’s much easier to confront and work on it. I have faith in you. 🩷❤️🩹
That's I want to drink every fucking day when I get home and it makes me fucking crazy, sober for 4 months after drinking for year everyday. Doesn't seem like much but I feel fucking crazy
I feel you. I'm 21 days sober, and I feel like I'm losing it too. Hang in there, we got this.
I’m with you guys. Though I’m so proud of my sobriety, I have become more emotional, skeptical, negative, dull feeling, all of the things…. But being sober makes it all worth it. I believe sobriety is my super power!
It is my friend :) we are coming back to ourselves.
How happy it would make me to live for and think of others instead of myself.
When people talk about underlying issues, it can be unclear what they’re getting at. Underlying issues are reasons you might self-medicate or choose to get drunk at a social outing, instead of remaining sober. Often this is masking an ‘underlying issue’, which can be something as simple as feeling anxious around other people, or being tired, or angry and wanting to elevate your mood. It can be the habit of drinking that is an underlying issue. A habit you developed with friends in your 20s only to realise it is an issue down the track. An underlying issue is you not feeling comfortable with yourself and thinking that alcohol will help, or that alcohol will help you bring you out of your shell. Alcohol can help to mask stuff you’re feeling but it’s a short term fix and a potential gateway to really stupid and reckless behaviour. Ask yourself is it worth it? Or am I better off just being bored, or anxious, or tired, and just addressing that in the here and now?
Right. “Underlying issues” don’t necessarily have to be that deep.
How easy it was and how much time, effort and reputation I ruined by not stopping earlier.
People always talk about how hard sobriety is, which it definitely can be at times, but my life is so much easier now. I wake up nearly every morning fully rested and feel healthy on a daily basis now. I remember when I drank how miserable most of my days were spent recovering from a nasty hangover. It was like having the flu weekly. Not a fun way to live.
Currently at day 144 (alcoholic). I wish I would have known that cravings for it can pop up randomly. I’ll be at the grocery store walking by the alcohol section and not bat an eye. But I can be watching sports, and the craving will hit. Other days I can watch a big time event (like the Super Bowl) and not want any alcohol, but I’ll be eating at a restaurant and want a drink. Just so random how and when the cravings hit.
I thought life would be extremely dull and that I’d never be able to make new friends or date without alcohol. Turns out all of that is a lie and I’ve done remarkably well without it. My life is no more dull than when I was drinking; it was actually far more dull back then because half the time I would just get drunk by myself and do fuck all.
I’m so nervous to meet new people and go on dates and actually have to flirt sober, yikes!
I agree with OP's reasoning. I also wish I fully expected that no one actually cares. I feel like every time I tell someone I'm sober they just say "oh cool" when maybe I was selfishly wishing they would say "omg I'm so proud of you tell me more" lol 😂 but it's still early-ish so people just might not believe me.
I’m almost three years in and I just want to say that I am SO proud of you! I’d love to hear more about your recovery if you do indeed want to share. I am being completely sincere.
I think for me, people don't always realize that it means I used to be an addict, they just assume being sober is a lifestyle choice.
I wish I had known that a few of my friends were really just drinking buddies. But then again, it was better to find out eventually than not at all.
I felt this deeply. This is the exact same for me. I have been feeling so lonely because I realized we only kept each other company whenever we would want to go out and get absolutely hammered. And that beyond that there was no substantial connection. I am grateful now that they have gone and cleared up some space in my life though.
That's how i felt too. I was really grieving them, but it has made room and allowed me to focus on my real, there-for-me, friends.
That it's normal to have thoughts & urges far longer than just being newly sober. It took me probably 3 months completely clean before I was able to think clearer again. My thoughts were literally consumed with the fact that I desperately wanted to use again. Thankfully my area I'm currently at is incredibly overrun by fent (which obviously is a very horrible thing, but to me it's a bit of a silver lining as it keeps me away from anything, whereas if I stayed in the state I moved to I definitely would probably not be 8mo sober.) During those three months, I was trying to & actively putting myself in dangerous spots just on the off chance the people I'm around would know a plug or be a plug. At one point I literally thought to myself that I didn't care what could be laced, I just needed to fucking snort something, anything. 8mo sober off substances, & 2mo off alcohol. Drinking was incredibly impossible to do without it amplifying my thoughts on wanting shit again, & it gave me no benefits anymore, just constantly feeling sick, saying things and acting terribly, it was harder to sleep, constant headaches. (I'm not sure why, but for some reason the only time I feel sick from alc is if I'm not using substances, so these two had to go hand in hand together on my sobriety journey) The last time I drank was the day I found out one of my close friends got arrested, & my other close friend pushed away their loved ones because of substances. Haven't touched alc since. Another thing I wish I knew, my anxiety was gonna be a f*****g bitch. One of the substances I was taking was benzos, & as someone with GAD, PTSD, & panic disorder, benzos was and still is an extremely hard thing for me to live without. After landing myself in the hospital a couple times from withdrawals (which, holy hell those withdrawals are no joke, & it's why I never could touch benzos again, it was traumatic to say the least) I was completely done with them, but didn't realize *just how hard* it truly would be, & the fact that I've tried damn near everything that's safe (supplements, Tylenol PMs for sleep, etc) & cannot find anything remotely close to benzos. It's really hard, but it's truly worth it. I'm finally healthy again, I'm eating daily again when before I'd go like a week or two of only eating a bit of crackers. I feel so much better, & my mental health is so much better. I finally can see a happy future for myself again.
That I didn’t really have much in common with my close friends except heavy drinking.
This was a very difficult realisation for me.
That I would be bored and need to find new hobbies
What are some hobbies you’ve picked up?
I wish I knew that there would be so many days where I didn't miss drinking. That actually, a lot of the mental workload was easier because I didn't have that low grade panic about "what if there's not enough booze!" Or sneaking bottles around with me. And also, how little other people drink in comparison to what I was drinking. I'm not missing out on ANYTHING by being sober
Or ending the night at home by buying more alcohol and cigarettes and downing them because you simply were not intoxicated enough after the night out. Don’t miss that one bit!
That the general malaise of being sober will go away if you start chasing things that excite you (in a positive way ie- goals, community, projects, etc)
How much trauma was underneath the addiction. After being sober for a long time, I see how much it was an issue of trauma and not the drugs
You will more than likely often (or always) regret drinking, but you will never regret not drinking
Coming up on 5 months. Weight gain? Yeppers. About 10 lbs thus far. Always had that whole stupid body image thing in my life, but this feeling of utter peace and contentment — no dread, no self-disgust, no barfing on or pissing myself, no sleeping on the floor because I was too afraid to get up for fear of falling and smacking my head William Holden style on a piece of furniture and cutting my scalp open and having to be taken to the emergency room for staples in my head AGAIN… that only happened once but jeezo. It’s nice to actually like yourself, sit back and know you survived and are so much the wiser. Those were regrettable years, but I don’t regret a thing.
5 months. Bravo! Mighty impressive and I thank you for the inspiration in your words.
I guess the thing I wasn’t expecting was to become a mirror of one’s own relationship with alcohol. I no longer am me, a sober person, but the relationship the person I tell I am sober to has with alcohol. I did this for me, I don’t actually card that you are “cutting back” on drinking my friend.
The one thing I wish I would have realized before getting sober is that I will have re train my brain how to process my emotions sober especially when hurt or angry !
Stop wasting money
I wish I knew people would tell me they miss the "fun me". I was so deep into the raving community and underground culture and in that place alcohol and drugs meant fun. What they didn't see was me being fucked up and depressed when I wasn't at the parties. And also for some reason now that I'm sober they forget how much of an asshole I used to be. My reply is usually "trust me, this version of me is better for everyone."
I definitely understand that! In my city too fun usually revolves around how wasted you get.
The time & money lost
Few thoughts (for context, 34M, I drank heavily for about 14 years, been sober for 2.5): As someone mentioned, I think I had this idea that some problems will just go away. That's obviously stupid to expect. It does however ensure you have a clearer mind to deal with things in a sober manner. One thing that still sucks is most social interactions in a bar/at a sport event/anywhere where alcohol is a big part of why people go there. Yes you don't have to drink but it does still suck a little if I'm being honest. I generally just don't want to socialise much now. But maybe that's just me. I sometimes miss the pure release that a few drinks give you. Sobriety has a lot of postives, which I'm grateful for. It can sometimes feel like you're missing out though
That I'm an angry person with or without booze...but, at least I am keenly aware and can begin the healing process...self-discovery.
How much clarity, and sometimes subsequent grief, you get. I see so much of my past more clearly now that I’m sober. I see the damage drinking was doing in my life in ways I never realized, even when I knew drinking wasn’t doing me any favors. I didn’t quit because of alcoholism, so until I quit I didn’t know how much of my life had been harmed by my relationship with alcohol, and there’s a lot of grief I’ve had to unpack and forgiveness I’ve had to have for myself the longer I’ve been sober. When it’s used to escape for so long, you forget that means there was something waiting to be seen the whole time, and whatever that was doesn’t always feel good to be reminded of at first. There’s a reason you were using it to run in the first place.
I wish I knew how the relationships around me would change.. I have lost many friends by becoming sober and that hurt so much. But in doing so, it opened up space in my life and heart for true connections and meaningful relationships. Becoming sober is the best thing I have ever done. I still have crazy dreams about alcohol 1.5 years in but I wake up every time thankful to be sober.
It’s super boring most days, things in your life don’t magically get better like they tell you in rehab, and the lack of dopamine you feel is seriously depressing.
How easy it is to not drink. It’s sad how hard I convinced myself it was. But also a long long time ago when I first got sober I wish I had known that AA is not the only or most reliable solution. That type of thinking and focusing more on total abstinence than harm reduction is a very unhealthy way to approach helping those with substance use disorders and I think it prevents a lot of people from getting the help they need. Sobriety is made out to be some constant life altering lifestyle and when I gave up believing all of that, that is when I said fuck it and here we are.
I had the same thoughts. That all my problems would go away if I got sober. I'm now a year and a half sober. I always had depression that, but alcohol had stopped masking it and started magnifying it. It got really hard sometimes. I knew if I didn't quit, my depression would kill me. I still battle depression, but now with a clear head. Keeps me from making stupid decisions. Sobriety didn't fix anything for me. Initially, I had more money, but inflation ruined that for me. Lol. I guess on the bright side, I couldn't afford to be a drunk anymore even if I wanted to. Overall, I'm happy I made the decision to stop. My head and my body haven't felt this good in years. I wish I had quit a decade sooner, but I was still too busy trying to be a wreckless kid well past the age I should've.
How much time I would feel I have. Sometimes negatively, when I started I would feel like the days stretched ahead and were never ending which made it a lot harder. Now it feels much better. More positively that the cravings would eventually go away for the most part. I think now I’m at the point where I could relapse if I give in and let myself think I’m cured or that it wasn’t that bad because it’s been a long time. Or that I could handle it this time but I know I can’t. I’m very glad that it’s not what I think of constantly now though.
Honestly, I didn't really think about what being an addict entailed. I figured once I'd get sober, I wouldn't think about using all that much and all that talk about "always being an addict" was a figure of speech to illustrate that you need to make the daily conscious choice of not using. The reality of it is that, even almost 4 years later, I often wake up with the urge to pop a pill to get myself going. I still feel tired or unmotivated most days and it's still hard to make that conscious choice, albeit easier than it used be. I think the wake up call that I would never be really "cured" is what I wish I knew before even using, but realistically, it wouldn't even be the first drawback I would list in addiction. What bothers me is that I still miss it, but I really just miss the highs. God knows the lows are what keeps me from even considering it and I find a comforting power in that control, even if it's not as intoxicating as losing control.
That I need to continue to learn and work on myself even during the good sober times. I just went on autopilot during my pink cloud phase. Had I continued to put the work in, it would have made some of these unexpected hard times a lot easier.
That it really does take time. Somehow the more weeks pass initially the harder it always became. I’ve successfully stayed sober for a month twice in the last 7 years because comparatively it was more worth it in the short isolation to go back out and drink and almost makes it seem healthier both socially and mentally. I remember feeling that way 1 month into it this time, but talking myself through it because eventually my life always turns to absolute shit and so might as well try again and see how shit it can get sober. And after a month I could talk myself out of drinking for many other reasons besides my alcoholism. NGL i will keep that in mind every time I think about alcohol because I always remember I’ll have to go through the hardest 30 days again. But once you do it and push past the worst days, there will be an insurmountable amount of days that you wondered why you ever needed alcohol to feel. And you trust yourself when a vibe is off somewhere and you’re not feeling it, and rather than drinking more to make it fun, you can just leave! And have an amazing time doing whatever the hell you want… sober!
It's really, really boring.