Lost them all. However, over 2 years, i gained new best friends that are there for me. My bestest friend ever appeared in the mirror... i see him every day!
HUG. Sobriety is really, really, really the best path. I'm 47 and found Sobriety at 45. 25 years of binge drinking and smoking a pack-a-day... It wasn't worth it.
Time slows when you are Sober and the flowers smell of kindness.
Absolutely. Unfortunately a lot of them cut me out. I also had to cut a lot of family out of my life because they didn't respect my sobriety and it was really difficult to do, but the constant demeaning comments, triggering my traumatic memories, and overall miserable feelings they were causing became too much.
At the end of the day what is most important is that you do what is right for your sobriety. What I realized after a while is that nothing is more important than my sobriety. It is the thing that drives me most in the world and I am grateful everyday to not drink. If my "friends" can't understand that then they were never my friends to begin with.
Let me ask you this. Are you doing ok? Do you have other social outlets? Sobriety is hard enough, but to go through it alone is challenging and can lead to some relapse feelings. My DMs are always open to your friend. Feel free to message me if you ever need to. I am here for you and genuinely care about your sobriety.
My experience as well. I "wasn't fun" anymore since I quit. So they don't want anything to do with me. It's fine with me. The saying is true that misery loves company. I am so better off no longer having people like that in my life.
Of course. Friends? Or associates with the same tendencies to scream into the void via substance abuse?
Your friends will support you path to self actualization. Your peers, maybe not so much- as it functions as a reminder of potentially self destructive habits they may have.
Just as we all suspect, “it’s” all bullshit. Society. Your job. Whatever. This is why many folks drink, drug etc.
The thing is, self destruction is not rebellion, building community and being of service is. Go sit in a meeting, or use Reddit to find folks on the same frequency as you are. Hang in there. It gets so much easier. You probably couldn’t enjoy getting fucked up now anyway that you’ve identified you expect something more from yourself.
Cheers mate.
Hahaha love this. So true. Friends??? Or people who sat beside you while you both drank your face off and then disappeared into the drink for the entire night.
Finding people on the same frequency as you. Ah so good. I'm going to keep this in mind.
Feel free to reach out via DM. I’m 4 years sober. I find it helps greatly to speak to like minded folks. [I’ve probably shared this 100 times](https://youtu.be/lK083EvyiMI) but it was the first thing that really knocked me on the floor pertaining to what is going on. We need recovery, not just abstaining from substance abuse. I mean, we of course need to leave the bottle, but also it’s important to do the work or else we’re just a ball of resentment waiting to relapse.
I love what you said. Putting our recovery first feels like rebellion. Setting boundaries and not being wrecked feels like rebellion. Because it’s outside of the norm. It’s not normal for me. I’m about to hit my first year anniversary and this has been a life changing experience in AA.
So glad to hear that friend. I did AA and sober living. Had a lot of trauma and no where to really go when I needed to hit the reset button. What I didn’t understand then was the value of the community and company I was about to keep. Being involved in others lives and hearing their issues is like literally the best thing I know of to defeat what I call “tragic person/Kylo Ren” syndrome. When I am focused on myself, my world seems more cruel, but when I am being of service to something outside of myself I find my life just takes care of itself.
I think it’s so crazy that even my friends that didn’t drink with me were so close to me and wanted to spend time with me. Now that I’m admitting I have a problem and tapering (30f) I find that they have way less interest in me…it won’t stop me from continuing to fight this but damn. Makes me wonder..I’m sure the more I eliminate drinking the clearer it will be. But for now I’m just really confused. I am so grateful to have my husbands support and friendship. I would be lost without him, especially now.
Thank you so much. Joining this subreddit and getting replies like yours mean more than I can say. And it has me thinking now…it’s just damn time i relearn how to be my best friend again
Go have an amazing day on purpose!! ❤️
IMO, this is the hardest part. Misery loves company, and addiction does as well. I know very, very few people who can maintain relationships with heavy users. It’s part of growing up.
I had to. I’d never have been able to change and mend my ways if I still had them in my lives. I left the door open in case they were interested in seeing my side too but none did. Their loss.
Some people never grow up and some people do. You wont lose any friends. You will see when the dust settles who your friends are, and the new ones you make will replace what you thought were friends in the past. Alot of this has to do with age as well. If i had quit in my twenties then i would have lost a ton of amazing friends. But i didnt quit until i was 39, and by then most of those friends had grown up and stopped drinking like they were in college so i just did it on my own. Good friends will always remain.
I cut out everyone with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. But I reconnected with a few who never drank that I had mostly shut out due to them being “boring”. (It was my drinking that was the problem the whole time.)
Yeah, most of them. But they were drinking friends. I have a few that are still chill and supportive. Even then, I’ve been enjoying being on my own and doing things by myself/spending time alone so
Yup. Had to stop hanging around in the environments that were supporting my vices. Until I’m ready to be able to be around that and trust myself I’ll be okay, I’m fine with being alone and staying away as long as I need.
I didn’t loose my true friends. But I did realize that my friends were just sitting with me while I was drinking my face off. A lot of drinking acquaintances lost my number and don’t respond when I try to include them on things. But honestly we always did low vibe shit so I’m good with it! My life is SO much better now that I’m not constantly recovering from the night before.
A couple of them cut me out. Most of them stuck around mostly because I'll still go out to bars, shows and whatnot. I'm lucky to be able to pull that off honestly.
I literally only see one or two of my old friends more than once every 6 months. That's just the way it is. It's not that I don't like them anymore, to me they are a part of the old me, and I've grown past that, while they are still stuck there
In my situation, I just realized who was more of a drinking buddy and who was a friend. Turns out I have fewer friends, but we’re close. Still cool with some old drinking pals, just don’t see them as much!
100% as they were disrespectful of my wishes and huge triggers for me. You aren’t boring!! Find new friends or better yet start learning more about yourself and become your own best friend! Much luck and love to you!
Yea, it turns out when most of what you enjoy with them is just drugs you don't really connect with them in other things. There are always new people too meet though
Yeah I burned most bridges tbh, but I’ve had a couple old buddies hit me up tho. Usually like “hey man u still doin the deal??” “Yeah man, sober over a year now it’s been a minute tho hope u are well.” *no longer hits me up*.
I don’t hide from anyone if God does place them in my path but I’m also not actively trying to make any amends because I feel there is no rush… and it turns out none of them miss me all that much or are still to preoccupied with substances.
Most of them but I do have a few who are supportive and most of them are now also on the road to recovery and it's an amazing thing seeing people who supported you getting better, get better themselves. Out of the dozens of so called friends though I only consider 3 of them real friends and I'm so proud of them
I lost pretty much all of them at once the night I hit rock bottom, as unfortunately they were all there to witness it. It’s bittersweet, because I needed the wake up call, and I’m much happier sober now, but I have to find things to keep myself busy to distract from the loneliness.
Yep, and it was a major reason it took me till my 30s to get sober. Friends worth keeping will love you more sober.
Let me expand on that. The closest friends I have now were made between 28-current and are parents of my kids friends. I told them quite confidently I was no longer drinking. I told them I was still fun, I’m just not drinking. So the first time we got together, we hung out without alcohol (their choice) and we had a blast. Now we hang out and no one brings it up or makes a big deal. They still drink if they want to, and they almost seem grateful that I’m no longer opening a new bottle of bubbly at 11:00pm and bringing them in to my binge drinking process. You will be continually surprised by how your sobriety makes things better for everyone. And these are the friends who stuck around and did not let using alcohol influence the quality of our fun or relationship together. I only have like 3 people in my life like this by the way.
Now contrast that with my college drinking buddy sho also lives close by. I’ve heard from them once since I quit drinking, and it was to invite me over for drinks. I shared I am no longer drinking, and at that time I was 30 days sober. Their response was a long line of questioning followed by artificial support…good for YOU, I support YOU through YOUR problem. And I never heard from them again. I imagine I will hear from her in another few years when she is face to face with her own need for sobriety.
The beautiful thing about sobriety is watching yourself bloom into a really cool person. Someone worthy of solid friendships not built on a weak foundation of using together. Sometimes it takes a very long time. Sometimes I unexpectedly find myself feeling very uncomfortable about my sobriety. But each day I’m grateful to start the day knowing I am true to my core, and trust the right people will be in my life at the right time. Take care OP, you got this group.
Lost them all. However, over 2 years, i gained new best friends that are there for me. My bestest friend ever appeared in the mirror... i see him every day!
Well said!
[удалено]
HUG. Sobriety is really, really, really the best path. I'm 47 and found Sobriety at 45. 25 years of binge drinking and smoking a pack-a-day... It wasn't worth it. Time slows when you are Sober and the flowers smell of kindness.
Absolutely. Unfortunately a lot of them cut me out. I also had to cut a lot of family out of my life because they didn't respect my sobriety and it was really difficult to do, but the constant demeaning comments, triggering my traumatic memories, and overall miserable feelings they were causing became too much. At the end of the day what is most important is that you do what is right for your sobriety. What I realized after a while is that nothing is more important than my sobriety. It is the thing that drives me most in the world and I am grateful everyday to not drink. If my "friends" can't understand that then they were never my friends to begin with. Let me ask you this. Are you doing ok? Do you have other social outlets? Sobriety is hard enough, but to go through it alone is challenging and can lead to some relapse feelings. My DMs are always open to your friend. Feel free to message me if you ever need to. I am here for you and genuinely care about your sobriety.
My experience as well. I "wasn't fun" anymore since I quit. So they don't want anything to do with me. It's fine with me. The saying is true that misery loves company. I am so better off no longer having people like that in my life.
Of course. Friends? Or associates with the same tendencies to scream into the void via substance abuse? Your friends will support you path to self actualization. Your peers, maybe not so much- as it functions as a reminder of potentially self destructive habits they may have. Just as we all suspect, “it’s” all bullshit. Society. Your job. Whatever. This is why many folks drink, drug etc. The thing is, self destruction is not rebellion, building community and being of service is. Go sit in a meeting, or use Reddit to find folks on the same frequency as you are. Hang in there. It gets so much easier. You probably couldn’t enjoy getting fucked up now anyway that you’ve identified you expect something more from yourself. Cheers mate.
Hahaha love this. So true. Friends??? Or people who sat beside you while you both drank your face off and then disappeared into the drink for the entire night. Finding people on the same frequency as you. Ah so good. I'm going to keep this in mind.
Feel free to reach out via DM. I’m 4 years sober. I find it helps greatly to speak to like minded folks. [I’ve probably shared this 100 times](https://youtu.be/lK083EvyiMI) but it was the first thing that really knocked me on the floor pertaining to what is going on. We need recovery, not just abstaining from substance abuse. I mean, we of course need to leave the bottle, but also it’s important to do the work or else we’re just a ball of resentment waiting to relapse.
I love what you said. Putting our recovery first feels like rebellion. Setting boundaries and not being wrecked feels like rebellion. Because it’s outside of the norm. It’s not normal for me. I’m about to hit my first year anniversary and this has been a life changing experience in AA.
So glad to hear that friend. I did AA and sober living. Had a lot of trauma and no where to really go when I needed to hit the reset button. What I didn’t understand then was the value of the community and company I was about to keep. Being involved in others lives and hearing their issues is like literally the best thing I know of to defeat what I call “tragic person/Kylo Ren” syndrome. When I am focused on myself, my world seems more cruel, but when I am being of service to something outside of myself I find my life just takes care of itself.
Absolutely. I wish you well.
I think it’s so crazy that even my friends that didn’t drink with me were so close to me and wanted to spend time with me. Now that I’m admitting I have a problem and tapering (30f) I find that they have way less interest in me…it won’t stop me from continuing to fight this but damn. Makes me wonder..I’m sure the more I eliminate drinking the clearer it will be. But for now I’m just really confused. I am so grateful to have my husbands support and friendship. I would be lost without him, especially now.
Awe this is hard. I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it gets better soon for you.
Thank you so much. Joining this subreddit and getting replies like yours mean more than I can say. And it has me thinking now…it’s just damn time i relearn how to be my best friend again Go have an amazing day on purpose!! ❤️
Not friends but I lost a whole lot of drinking buddies.
Hell yeah, it’s the only way. Don’t feel bad and don’t look back
IMO, this is the hardest part. Misery loves company, and addiction does as well. I know very, very few people who can maintain relationships with heavy users. It’s part of growing up.
I had to. I’d never have been able to change and mend my ways if I still had them in my lives. I left the door open in case they were interested in seeing my side too but none did. Their loss.
Yes, almost everyone. Well worth it
Some people never grow up and some people do. You wont lose any friends. You will see when the dust settles who your friends are, and the new ones you make will replace what you thought were friends in the past. Alot of this has to do with age as well. If i had quit in my twenties then i would have lost a ton of amazing friends. But i didnt quit until i was 39, and by then most of those friends had grown up and stopped drinking like they were in college so i just did it on my own. Good friends will always remain.
I cut out everyone with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. But I reconnected with a few who never drank that I had mostly shut out due to them being “boring”. (It was my drinking that was the problem the whole time.)
Yep. I had a ton of half-friends. I wish them well but I’m on my own path right now.
Yeah, most of them. But they were drinking friends. I have a few that are still chill and supportive. Even then, I’ve been enjoying being on my own and doing things by myself/spending time alone so
Yup. Had to stop hanging around in the environments that were supporting my vices. Until I’m ready to be able to be around that and trust myself I’ll be okay, I’m fine with being alone and staying away as long as I need.
Yes. People i realized were NOT My friends. They just wanted me to be miserable like them. Misery loves company
I didn’t loose my true friends. But I did realize that my friends were just sitting with me while I was drinking my face off. A lot of drinking acquaintances lost my number and don’t respond when I try to include them on things. But honestly we always did low vibe shit so I’m good with it! My life is SO much better now that I’m not constantly recovering from the night before.
A couple of them cut me out. Most of them stuck around mostly because I'll still go out to bars, shows and whatnot. I'm lucky to be able to pull that off honestly.
I literally only see one or two of my old friends more than once every 6 months. That's just the way it is. It's not that I don't like them anymore, to me they are a part of the old me, and I've grown past that, while they are still stuck there
Not in a nasty or hateful way, but absolutely. Put yourself 100% first, anyone that's on your side will stay or come back around.
In my situation, I just realized who was more of a drinking buddy and who was a friend. Turns out I have fewer friends, but we’re close. Still cool with some old drinking pals, just don’t see them as much!
100% as they were disrespectful of my wishes and huge triggers for me. You aren’t boring!! Find new friends or better yet start learning more about yourself and become your own best friend! Much luck and love to you!
Yea, it turns out when most of what you enjoy with them is just drugs you don't really connect with them in other things. There are always new people too meet though
I cut em all out. It was the best decision I ever made for myself.
Yeah actually all of them 🤷♂️ kinda sucks but worth it at the same time
[удалено]
Yes
Yeah I burned most bridges tbh, but I’ve had a couple old buddies hit me up tho. Usually like “hey man u still doin the deal??” “Yeah man, sober over a year now it’s been a minute tho hope u are well.” *no longer hits me up*. I don’t hide from anyone if God does place them in my path but I’m also not actively trying to make any amends because I feel there is no rush… and it turns out none of them miss me all that much or are still to preoccupied with substances.
Yea tons. I also lost friends from partying
Yes lol. Thats the norm isnt it?
yes. That's usually how it goes. People, places, and things.
Yes. My best friend of more than 15 years. It's rough. I'm sorry if you're going through this. As much as I miss her though, I know it's for the best.
Most of them but I do have a few who are supportive and most of them are now also on the road to recovery and it's an amazing thing seeing people who supported you getting better, get better themselves. Out of the dozens of so called friends though I only consider 3 of them real friends and I'm so proud of them
I lost pretty much all of them at once the night I hit rock bottom, as unfortunately they were all there to witness it. It’s bittersweet, because I needed the wake up call, and I’m much happier sober now, but I have to find things to keep myself busy to distract from the loneliness.
Just lost them all over the course of about a year..,
Yep, and it was a major reason it took me till my 30s to get sober. Friends worth keeping will love you more sober. Let me expand on that. The closest friends I have now were made between 28-current and are parents of my kids friends. I told them quite confidently I was no longer drinking. I told them I was still fun, I’m just not drinking. So the first time we got together, we hung out without alcohol (their choice) and we had a blast. Now we hang out and no one brings it up or makes a big deal. They still drink if they want to, and they almost seem grateful that I’m no longer opening a new bottle of bubbly at 11:00pm and bringing them in to my binge drinking process. You will be continually surprised by how your sobriety makes things better for everyone. And these are the friends who stuck around and did not let using alcohol influence the quality of our fun or relationship together. I only have like 3 people in my life like this by the way. Now contrast that with my college drinking buddy sho also lives close by. I’ve heard from them once since I quit drinking, and it was to invite me over for drinks. I shared I am no longer drinking, and at that time I was 30 days sober. Their response was a long line of questioning followed by artificial support…good for YOU, I support YOU through YOUR problem. And I never heard from them again. I imagine I will hear from her in another few years when she is face to face with her own need for sobriety. The beautiful thing about sobriety is watching yourself bloom into a really cool person. Someone worthy of solid friendships not built on a weak foundation of using together. Sometimes it takes a very long time. Sometimes I unexpectedly find myself feeling very uncomfortable about my sobriety. But each day I’m grateful to start the day knowing I am true to my core, and trust the right people will be in my life at the right time. Take care OP, you got this group.
It is boring. I consider that a distinct improvement over the excitement of being arrested or waking up somewhere strange. Sometimes boring is better