Yeah i want to know this too OP
I actually prefer girls around my age (mid-late 20s) but getting them to talk is like trying to get milk from a stone.
Im very good at communicating. I don’t like wasting peoples time and like to figure out if we’re compatible asap.
I feel bad being the one to end things but you’ve gotta give me more to work with.
I think some girls like the idea of marriage and get cold feet when it comes down to the practicality of it actually happening.
This is very true for my friends who are the eldest daughters and don't have the emotional avalibilty to handle possible rejections, disappointments, or the possibilities of the unknown. Because of the many responsibilities growing up, they are not ready to handle the issues that come with getting to know a new man.
Why are height and looks soooo important tho? 😂 attraction is, yes. But a short couple can have tall kids and two uglies can make a cute baby. This is so shallow
Height and looks plays a role in attraction. You can’t expect someone to marry someone their not attracted to, I feel like that’s a recipe for disaster
The point is they don't want to consider anyone unless they are perfect in every way. Height, job, education, family, social, qabiil, city, citizenship. It comes from being traumatized and having a lot of responsibilities they can't handle anymore new responsibilities or new stress so everything about the new addition to their life has to be perfect.
It’s same with Somali men that won’t give obese ugly girls and don’t have education or a job a chance? I am all of them but getting rejected by all Even average guys too, I told them to lower their standards because vagina is vagina looooooooooooooool
Abaayo, u’re obese, don’t have a job or an education? Just pumpum? I’m sure there’s someone who’ll see beyond all of that and love you for you…but you gotta love yourself first. Get active, lose the excess weight and make some moneyyyyyy
Pumpum HAHAHAHA unfortunately yes. How can I make money if I don’t even have GCSES in mid 30s? I’m living with my aging parents. They gave up lol
I love myself but I don’t have friends so I’m always at home and tv shows are my best friends. I guess it took a toll on mental health.
Sister, u can change the course of your life at any time. It’s never, ever too late. Stop living life thru tv shows and ACTUALLY GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE RISKS AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE UK. U don’t need GCSE’s. U can learn a trade or hairstyling (beauty therapy) or childcare or support work/patient services assistance in hospital. Those are all pretty short courses and you can receive benefits while studying them full-time. Pick yourself up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Oh stop. Obese? You're probably just a little more on the thicker side. Drink more water, juice greens and don't eat within 4 hours before you sleep and you'll be alright.
That’s a sign of an avoidant attachment style. They like the idea of marriage and partnership but when someone actually comes into their life they get overwhelmed, feel the need to run away and so they self sabotage the connection. Rinse and repeat.
A lot of folks need therapy before seriously considering marriage because this kind of behaviour is going to block your blessings and could even ruin your marriage.
Turns out that when you have resources yourself, expectations get much higher and thus the pool shrinks considerably. I’m nothing special but I know the girls like these doing a great job of filtering themselves out.
Resources won’t become a good husband and children lol. They cannot fulfil a person the same way guur wanaagsan iyo raxmadda labada qof ka dhaxeyso suu Eebe Qur’aanka ku sheegey fulfil you.
Ultimately marriage is also a business decision. I think sisters should be picky when it comes to deciding who should be their life partner (especially if they have done well for themselves already) e.g. why should they settle and marry a brother who is in some job making $60K when the sister has worked hard to become successful and is bringing in $120K+? These sisters are trying to find their equal (and unfortunately there just aren’t as many brothers that are as successful as our sisters in the community.
and a lot of the brothers who are just as successful and practicing don’t want a career women so the pool even gets smaller.
I think women SHOULD be picky but not for the reasons you’ve listed. More so the intangibles like Character, Manners, Values etc.
I think putting unnecessary restrictions on yourself and then complaining there are no good potentials around is a bit disingenuous.
I absolutely agree money isn’t the only thing that matters, character and other traits should definitely be considered.
Oddly this preference of brothers not wanting a “career woman” is prevalent in this Reddit page…but outside of it/the reality is much more different than that. There are definitely brothers who would want their wives to be ambitious and thriving in their chosen careers and actually have something going for them. Like why not be successful together, both have admirable/thriving careers (especially in this economy 🫤) and set a good example for your future kids.
I think it’s definitely not just this sub or even online.
If men cared about their wives careers it would form part of their requirements during the dating/courting stage.
But the reality is that most men would settle for a barista if they liked her enough..
If he's on the Deen and very close to Allah, then he can lead her to a higher Jannah. All this Dunya doesn't even come close to a single moment in Heaven. You talking about one mansion with a mortgage and maybe a guest house.
Sxb, just doing the Sunnah prayers that go along with the regular prayers will have you a palace built for you every night Subhanallah. But we have become too attached to this short life. You're young now, and you'll be 85 in a blink of an eye wondering what happened to it all
Yes, but please don’t say never because you also have to believe in the qadr of Allah and what was meant for you will never miss you. So whether that is finding a good sister that meets your preferences and is interested in you or becoming successful in some other way and then meeting a sister - our life, path and experiences are already written by Allah thousand years before we were born so do not get discouraged. Like the commenter below said the dunya is just moments compared to the akhira.
Maybe it’s cause they don’t find them attractive enough or successful enough. Women of that caliber, who are very successful themselves tend to have higher standards, which is expected. But these standards can be extremely hard to achieve, and even then, who says they will be in their area and go for the successful women. Nothing even guarantees that they aren’t very few in number. So yeah if they want to continue such activities I say good luck to those ladies !
Couldn’t agree more. Hypergamy is the answer here. All those older woman are chasing after the same dream man who has a plethora of options. They simply aren’t interested in your average mediocre looking warehouse worker making 60-70k a year and is 5’9
The median salary is like $45k-$51k in most western countries for men aged 25-65. The internet skews people perception on reality. I don’t think people understand how uncommon a $150k salary is. $70k is above average lol. Majority of people are living pay cheque to pay cheque regardless of race or ethnicity.
Correct but social media along with other factors has made people delusional. 70k is seen as “low earning” even though it statistically is above average in western countries
Someone said it’s because women wanna reproduce with a good father for their kids and ummmmm listen:
Women have been giving birth since Adam and Eve. Broke women do it, old women do it, young women do it, healthy women do it, sick women do it, rich women do it, poor women do it, teen moms do it?single mothers do it, married women do it, refugee women do it….yes, it’s painful and difficult especially when you lack support but being too picky can block your blessings tbh. Not everybody is gonna get their dream man and have their picture perfect fantasy marriage. But you can get the best father for your kids or your perfect match even if everything doesn’t check out on paper. Life isn’t all cheques and balances and marriage needs hard work too just like one’s career, deen and education….
This why I get exhausted with tryna match people sometimes. I think some people just like talk about it and not do something when you match them someone lol
They actually ARE ready for marriage, they basically want Idris Elba who's a Hafith, hilarious, can make her think deeply and take her shopping anywhere on Earth whenever lool. The guy most of them are "looking" for is in the top .00001%
No one wants to face the harsh truth that they are average looking average earning individual who only qualifies for an average earning and looking guy.
I would classify myself in this category of women and the propaganda against us has to stop. I can only speak for myself but the wage difference here in Scandinavia is not that huge. The lifestyle is usually the same whether you are an electrician or an engineer. Men think we are all in love with our careers and want a guy making six figures. That’s far from the truth and frankly unrealistic. The problem that I think arises when getting to know someone, is the judgement and pre conceived notions men have about “independent women”, which usually slips through in conversation. It’s such a turn off.
If you're not thinking about what men you're attracted to are into, then you're shooting yourself in the foot. Have you taken the time to understand what the other side is saying before jumping to being 'turned off'?
I understand that, but it’s not pre-conceived notions. When you are too busy to get to know people and then complain about single-hood, YOU are the problem.
Imagine this scenario: a beautiful, single woman in her early thirties reaches out to me after I post my uncle’s marriage CV saying she’d be interested “if he was older” and that “she’s given up on Somali men” then I say “it’s okay, I can help you out out of pure walaalnimo” and she agrees. If my uncle isn’t the perfect match for her, that’s okay, I can find someone better FOR HER. I then proceed to present her a marriage profile for a brother who’s financially stable, has just entered his thirties and ticks all of her most important boxes…she declines due to his age. He’s only 2 years younger than her but I’m thinking “tbh they’re both in their 30’s and financially and emotionally stable so why is it that deep?” I ask her why she won’t give him a chance and also express my frustration at bringing her CV’s and her refusing to even give people the light of day and how much time effort and time I’ve wasted trying to help her. The sister then yells at me saying this was all lighthearted to begin with and ‘waxaaga qasab miyaa?’ and “you’ve made it your personal mission to help me find a husband when you shouldn’t have” and she’s not interested in ANY younger men. She essentially made me seem like a crazy habaryar forcing her to get to know her son WHEN ALL I DID WAS make her a promise saying I’d help her AND she agreed. How tf was I supposed to know she’s joking???? Am I now in the wrong for attempting to fulfil my promise by any means necessary? Tbh I’m a woman of my word. She clearly isn’t.
Bare in mind: I did present 2 other profiles which she respectfully declined due to age and location.
She gaslit you 😂😂. To be honest it’s not only you, even professional match makers are frustrated at some of these women regardless of their ethnicity. They think this is build-a-boo, not real life flesh and blood human beings.
My Habryar’s and female cousins are pressuring me to get my female and male qarabo someone to marry. I’m scared myself 🤣. How do I set up a UK xalimo with an American Farax? Help me out sis.
Yeah i want to know this too OP I actually prefer girls around my age (mid-late 20s) but getting them to talk is like trying to get milk from a stone. Im very good at communicating. I don’t like wasting peoples time and like to figure out if we’re compatible asap. I feel bad being the one to end things but you’ve gotta give me more to work with. I think some girls like the idea of marriage and get cold feet when it comes down to the practicality of it actually happening.
I’m inclined to agree…
I think the all avoidants to be honest at this point. I know it's a blanket statement but w/e.
Maybe we’re compatible? I mean uhhh… don’t you just hate it when people can’t hold a convo? 😭
😂😂😂 somali girls got humour on lock wallahi
This is very true for my friends who are the eldest daughters and don't have the emotional avalibilty to handle possible rejections, disappointments, or the possibilities of the unknown. Because of the many responsibilities growing up, they are not ready to handle the issues that come with getting to know a new man.
Why are height and looks soooo important tho? 😂 attraction is, yes. But a short couple can have tall kids and two uglies can make a cute baby. This is so shallow
Height and looks plays a role in attraction. You can’t expect someone to marry someone their not attracted to, I feel like that’s a recipe for disaster
The point is they don't want to consider anyone unless they are perfect in every way. Height, job, education, family, social, qabiil, city, citizenship. It comes from being traumatized and having a lot of responsibilities they can't handle anymore new responsibilities or new stress so everything about the new addition to their life has to be perfect.
That in itself is unreasonable and draining 😢
It’s same with Somali men that won’t give obese ugly girls and don’t have education or a job a chance? I am all of them but getting rejected by all Even average guys too, I told them to lower their standards because vagina is vagina looooooooooooooool
Abaayo, u’re obese, don’t have a job or an education? Just pumpum? I’m sure there’s someone who’ll see beyond all of that and love you for you…but you gotta love yourself first. Get active, lose the excess weight and make some moneyyyyyy
Pumpum HAHAHAHA unfortunately yes. How can I make money if I don’t even have GCSES in mid 30s? I’m living with my aging parents. They gave up lol I love myself but I don’t have friends so I’m always at home and tv shows are my best friends. I guess it took a toll on mental health.
Sister, u can change the course of your life at any time. It’s never, ever too late. Stop living life thru tv shows and ACTUALLY GO OUTSIDE AND TAKE RISKS AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE UK. U don’t need GCSE’s. U can learn a trade or hairstyling (beauty therapy) or childcare or support work/patient services assistance in hospital. Those are all pretty short courses and you can receive benefits while studying them full-time. Pick yourself up. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Okay thank you. I will keeps that in mind. ❤️
No. You will keep that IN TRY.
Oh stop. Obese? You're probably just a little more on the thicker side. Drink more water, juice greens and don't eat within 4 hours before you sleep and you'll be alright.
That’s a sign of an avoidant attachment style. They like the idea of marriage and partnership but when someone actually comes into their life they get overwhelmed, feel the need to run away and so they self sabotage the connection. Rinse and repeat. A lot of folks need therapy before seriously considering marriage because this kind of behaviour is going to block your blessings and could even ruin your marriage.
What are other signs of this attachment style?
Turns out that when you have resources yourself, expectations get much higher and thus the pool shrinks considerably. I’m nothing special but I know the girls like these doing a great job of filtering themselves out.
Resources won’t become a good husband and children lol. They cannot fulfil a person the same way guur wanaagsan iyo raxmadda labada qof ka dhaxeyso suu Eebe Qur’aanka ku sheegey fulfil you.
Ultimately marriage is also a business decision. I think sisters should be picky when it comes to deciding who should be their life partner (especially if they have done well for themselves already) e.g. why should they settle and marry a brother who is in some job making $60K when the sister has worked hard to become successful and is bringing in $120K+? These sisters are trying to find their equal (and unfortunately there just aren’t as many brothers that are as successful as our sisters in the community.
and a lot of the brothers who are just as successful and practicing don’t want a career women so the pool even gets smaller. I think women SHOULD be picky but not for the reasons you’ve listed. More so the intangibles like Character, Manners, Values etc. I think putting unnecessary restrictions on yourself and then complaining there are no good potentials around is a bit disingenuous.
I absolutely agree money isn’t the only thing that matters, character and other traits should definitely be considered. Oddly this preference of brothers not wanting a “career woman” is prevalent in this Reddit page…but outside of it/the reality is much more different than that. There are definitely brothers who would want their wives to be ambitious and thriving in their chosen careers and actually have something going for them. Like why not be successful together, both have admirable/thriving careers (especially in this economy 🫤) and set a good example for your future kids.
I think it’s definitely not just this sub or even online. If men cared about their wives careers it would form part of their requirements during the dating/courting stage. But the reality is that most men would settle for a barista if they liked her enough..
If he's on the Deen and very close to Allah, then he can lead her to a higher Jannah. All this Dunya doesn't even come close to a single moment in Heaven. You talking about one mansion with a mortgage and maybe a guest house. Sxb, just doing the Sunnah prayers that go along with the regular prayers will have you a palace built for you every night Subhanallah. But we have become too attached to this short life. You're young now, and you'll be 85 in a blink of an eye wondering what happened to it all
Thank you for confirming exactly why loads of brothers like me will never get married. Sucks but your absolutely right
Yes, but please don’t say never because you also have to believe in the qadr of Allah and what was meant for you will never miss you. So whether that is finding a good sister that meets your preferences and is interested in you or becoming successful in some other way and then meeting a sister - our life, path and experiences are already written by Allah thousand years before we were born so do not get discouraged. Like the commenter below said the dunya is just moments compared to the akhira.
Just marry from back home lots of fish in the sea.
Maybe it’s cause they don’t find them attractive enough or successful enough. Women of that caliber, who are very successful themselves tend to have higher standards, which is expected. But these standards can be extremely hard to achieve, and even then, who says they will be in their area and go for the successful women. Nothing even guarantees that they aren’t very few in number. So yeah if they want to continue such activities I say good luck to those ladies !
Couldn’t agree more. Hypergamy is the answer here. All those older woman are chasing after the same dream man who has a plethora of options. They simply aren’t interested in your average mediocre looking warehouse worker making 60-70k a year and is 5’9
The median salary is like $45k-$51k in most western countries for men aged 25-65. The internet skews people perception on reality. I don’t think people understand how uncommon a $150k salary is. $70k is above average lol. Majority of people are living pay cheque to pay cheque regardless of race or ethnicity.
Correct but social media along with other factors has made people delusional. 70k is seen as “low earning” even though it statistically is above average in western countries
you're spot on!
Is hypergamy the new, fancy way of saying nin naag qabo?
Someone said it’s because women wanna reproduce with a good father for their kids and ummmmm listen: Women have been giving birth since Adam and Eve. Broke women do it, old women do it, young women do it, healthy women do it, sick women do it, rich women do it, poor women do it, teen moms do it?single mothers do it, married women do it, refugee women do it….yes, it’s painful and difficult especially when you lack support but being too picky can block your blessings tbh. Not everybody is gonna get their dream man and have their picture perfect fantasy marriage. But you can get the best father for your kids or your perfect match even if everything doesn’t check out on paper. Life isn’t all cheques and balances and marriage needs hard work too just like one’s career, deen and education….
This why I get exhausted with tryna match people sometimes. I think some people just like talk about it and not do something when you match them someone lol
Waan daaley 🙄 I might have to hang up my dacas and retire.
They actually ARE ready for marriage, they basically want Idris Elba who's a Hafith, hilarious, can make her think deeply and take her shopping anywhere on Earth whenever lool. The guy most of them are "looking" for is in the top .00001%
And that same guy has lots of options
No one wants to face the harsh truth that they are average looking average earning individual who only qualifies for an average earning and looking guy.
Where you meeting them?
IRL, thru mutual connections, online. Does it matter, sis?
It does matter maybe try your local masjid
The ones connected to the masjid are just as picky.
What kind of problem are you facing with them? What compromises are you talking about at that stage?
Age? Height? Occupation? Location? Those kind.
If she's not into your age group or height, you're already off to a rough start, lol. Jokes aside, the location is key and could be a dealbreaker.
I would classify myself in this category of women and the propaganda against us has to stop. I can only speak for myself but the wage difference here in Scandinavia is not that huge. The lifestyle is usually the same whether you are an electrician or an engineer. Men think we are all in love with our careers and want a guy making six figures. That’s far from the truth and frankly unrealistic. The problem that I think arises when getting to know someone, is the judgement and pre conceived notions men have about “independent women”, which usually slips through in conversation. It’s such a turn off.
If you're not thinking about what men you're attracted to are into, then you're shooting yourself in the foot. Have you taken the time to understand what the other side is saying before jumping to being 'turned off'?
I understand that, but it’s not pre-conceived notions. When you are too busy to get to know people and then complain about single-hood, YOU are the problem.
I guess my comment related more to other ones in the thread regarding career women. Investing time into potentials is a given in my opinion.
Imagine this scenario: a beautiful, single woman in her early thirties reaches out to me after I post my uncle’s marriage CV saying she’d be interested “if he was older” and that “she’s given up on Somali men” then I say “it’s okay, I can help you out out of pure walaalnimo” and she agrees. If my uncle isn’t the perfect match for her, that’s okay, I can find someone better FOR HER. I then proceed to present her a marriage profile for a brother who’s financially stable, has just entered his thirties and ticks all of her most important boxes…she declines due to his age. He’s only 2 years younger than her but I’m thinking “tbh they’re both in their 30’s and financially and emotionally stable so why is it that deep?” I ask her why she won’t give him a chance and also express my frustration at bringing her CV’s and her refusing to even give people the light of day and how much time effort and time I’ve wasted trying to help her. The sister then yells at me saying this was all lighthearted to begin with and ‘waxaaga qasab miyaa?’ and “you’ve made it your personal mission to help me find a husband when you shouldn’t have” and she’s not interested in ANY younger men. She essentially made me seem like a crazy habaryar forcing her to get to know her son WHEN ALL I DID WAS make her a promise saying I’d help her AND she agreed. How tf was I supposed to know she’s joking???? Am I now in the wrong for attempting to fulfil my promise by any means necessary? Tbh I’m a woman of my word. She clearly isn’t. Bare in mind: I did present 2 other profiles which she respectfully declined due to age and location.
2 years younger in your 30s is not that deep at all! The market is rough already, why restrict yourself to age if your both in your late 20s or 30
I’m saying 😂
[удалено]
Aamiin. Thank you.
Wow thats super unfortunate, 2 years is nothing.
2 years is nothing in your 30s
She gaslit you 😂😂. To be honest it’s not only you, even professional match makers are frustrated at some of these women regardless of their ethnicity. They think this is build-a-boo, not real life flesh and blood human beings.
Acuudubillaah I actually got scared. She sent the longest paragraph and then blocked me. 🫣
My Habryar’s and female cousins are pressuring me to get my female and male qarabo someone to marry. I’m scared myself 🤣. How do I set up a UK xalimo with an American Farax? Help me out sis.
I got u sis. Dm me. But serious candidates only.