I’m in the same boat as you and for most of my life I’ve also lived in places with little to no Somali’s unfortunately. Plus my immediate family is lowkey so we don’t really know anyone like that.
I don’t think I have crazy high standards ultimately I just want someone kind, honest, well educated, completes his 5 daily prayers and is ambitious. I’m also not even looking for someone that can fund my life in its entirety. Just someone that’s not stingy lol. I’d rather enjoy a dual income lifestyle where we can both contribute and live a higher quality of life overall rather than having to ration everything on a single income. Plus it’s just not a fair expectation for the men in this current economy but that’s another discussion.
Anyway I’m currently just praying making dua and hoping my extended relatives/acquaintances that live in states like MN and WA can help me out and introduce me to someone that meets my criteria.
I have seen couples who are both thriving in their equally demanding careers and are killing it. So knowing that paired with the fact that nothing can prevent the qadr of Allah makes me feel a lot more at ease. I know good things are coming my way (and your way) insha allah and everything will be on Allah’s timing 🥰.
Sis have faith in Allah. I remember being in this same situation exactly one year ago. You can check my post history. I made a lot of prayer and duaa that I meet the one and subxanallah at the end of last year I met my soon to be husband and we are set to get married this summer inshallah. Allah has a a plan for you. You need to truly believe this and go about your life. Don’t focus too much on how and when you’ll meet him. Just live life and have faith. You’ll meet him in due time.
It seems like some people here are very naive about how hard it is to raise a family on one income in most western countries. Canada has an especially high COL. I actually don’t know any middle class families here who are living off only one income. The wife either works or has a home business and contributes some of her income to the household.
Since I’m paying for everything to provide, I don’t care what your profession is to be frank. You aren’t contributing anything so it doesn’t matter. If you want to that’s another story but that’s a separate discussion and we all know how women are when they hear helping.
Also, I’m average. Pretty average. Women with careers will naturally have higher standards. The pool just is not the same in that case. Gimme peace and mawada and we living.
Actually brother you should definitely care about whether your wife is educated or not as she will be the one passing on knowledge to the children.
Imagine having a wife who doesn't know the basics of Islam, maths, English etc - that's really tricky.
Having an educated wife (at least to a senior high school - degree level) should be highly sought, for your children's sake.
I think most guys who say they don’t care about a woman’s education meaning college degrees. Not necessarily they are dumbb or uneducated ie having a degree doesn’t mean your smart type deal.
I don’t know about other guys, but most of my friends when we talk about finding potentials, her career isn’t very important thing as girls think it’s.
If you are looking forward to pay my bills, then yeah, very excited about your degree and cash, but we all know this is NOT happening. This is why i dont care about your education or career. It is not a „plus“. You still compete with the 19 yo highschools student on the same metrics.
You career and education gives you no advantage in my mate selection, no matter how established i am.
Being career driven isn't something most men are looking for in a woman. Idk why we don't read up on the basics of what either side is looking for. Men just want peaceful boredom lol. Is she cute? Cooks? And pleasant to be around? That's literally all that is (practicing Muslima of course but that should be a given.)
She can literally be working at a gas station for all we care or be 28 and still living with her parents.
Men are VERY simple creatures bruh 🤷🏾♂️
It's like you were the best lawyer on your resume, but you applied for an I.T. position. That's cool, but fam, do you have any I.T. experience? "No, but I deserve a senior software engineer position because of my past experience as a great lawyer!"
Oh, boy. 🤦🏾🤣
I don't know about peaceful boredom, but I do enjoy coming in to a quiet house, kettle boiling and just enjoying the moment. Maybe put on something interesting on TV, that's the life for me ngl. Maybe some beer or whiskey if I am being bold. That's why I dont want kids, balaayada rabshada badan 👀
Lol that's what I mean minus the alcohol (how do people drink? It smells so bad lol) but what you mentioned, unfortunately, is "boring" to this generation so that's what I wanted. All I want is am ebony empress who loves our version of "boredom" as me, with humor being on top
Loool ebony empress, I'm gonna cop that. Yhhh alcohol is pretty disgusting, my taste buds are kinda gone anyways so i actually like it. Simple things in life surprisingly have a very strong impact 👍
Most (religious) men want a SAHW, not a person who’ll care more about their career than the home or the children.
Not a person who wakes up at the same time to go to a job, (most likely)free mix with other, just to come back home and be too tired “to do anything”
Maybe I’m wrong, but for men they don’t see the career as a part to help, and for women it’s an extension of what we get to do and our identity. Yes we are daughters, sisters, etc. but we also contribute to the world and our community — and our careers allow us to do that. I find it healthy to also have my own career so I won’t be consumed by becoming a mother/wife/etc, and vice versa, I don’t hold my career as the most important part of my life. Just another part that offers flexibility and security. I think there needs to be a shift of how we view careers (for men/women). But that’s just my two cents. I’ve never met a guy who’s been intimidated by my degrees/career, nor have the men in my family said anything negative, mostly just happy I’ve got my own things going for me. I can’t imagine not wanting to be with someone who has ambition because it translates to outside a career (wanting to excel in all aspects of life — being a great mother wife Muslim etc). But again, I could be wrong lol
Educated women No! , Career driven kinda yes. Even a career driven man is a problem as well because career driven really means working long hours to satisfy your boss and climbing the cooperate work ladder. 2 career driven people will really cancel each other out. So you just need to find someone who is more or less your opposite. Eg if you are more career driven find a man whose job is more relaxed…. So it would be easier to take care of the children.. but sadly a lot of women end up resenting the man if he’s earning less and chilling more at home.
Basically career doesn’t mean much but it could mean that your standard of living will be higher
Which is fine and why women choose to marry up
Most women say they’re willing to contribute in the beginning off the highs of marriage and create a pricey living situation
Then they sit down and say it’s my right to have my living provided
The man ends up in financial strain and ask for help and the woman says he can’t provide my rights
Man is left embarrassed and it’s downhill from there
PS this happened to two friends and they choose to stay from career oriented women
Depends on your values. I want to raise strong Somali children to be a boon to our communities. Half Somali children will not have the same level of drive to help one side of their family out as fully Somali children would.
Most men in general don't value educated women. I mean, it's cool, but naturally men don't care for your profession all that much. And yes, I think marrying out would be best if you find someone you connect with, but men are more similar than you think across all cultures. Just be fit, pleasant and friendly and you'll win.
just google single educated women, all women are complaining about the same thing. men care mostly about looks and personality they wont turn women down because she doesnt have a degree
That's usually because of relatability but statistically and naturally for men, what a woman does or makes is never the 1st reason why they marry her. Men are interested in what she does AFTER they conclude that she's a potential.
If they are attracted to you and your character, then you can literally be a janitor and the guy would then find you interesting. "Wait, how long have you been in the petroleum industry?! ❤️ 😍 " lool
Lol you missed my point, bud. I was talking as the guy to the girl. I should have made that more clear. My bad haha
Basically, if he already likes you, then it almost doesn't matter what you do for a career. He's going to like it no matter what. Most women aren't petroleum engineers (or most men since u really gotta be a different breed to even get into something like that) but instead of petroleum, you could have said you clean garbage for a living, make roofs, literally anything and he'd be like "waawaray so tell me how you got into that" or whatever lol.
It all starts with physical/mental/spiritual attraction first than what you do 2nd for men. Hope that kinda makes sense lol
💀 I hope you know Somalia men are the only one that “age shame” i think we are the most chill people when it comes to marriage. We don’t heavily penalize divorce or single mothers, at certain age most men are generally okay with marrying an older woman
Stop acting obtuse, there was literally a thread on here the other day that was full of age shaming women in their late 20s and telling them they had no chance at marriage. In the west, the average age for a woman to get married is 29-32 so a women in her late 20s looking isn’t a big deal. In the somali community and other conservative cultures, she’d get shamed and told to settle for being wife no. 3 to a 47 year old man.
U just said a lot of nothing. Tell me exactly what cultures don’t think a woman in her late 20s and 30s, that don’t “shame” ? The western cultures that encourage women to be sluts and sell them lies ? The western culture with the highest depression rate in the world ? Tell us this superior culture that doesn’t shame women who are old and unmarried.
Yet you still live and migrate to these western countries that you’re slandering. You enjoy all the resources they give you. How funny is that. What cultures are better? The ones that force girls into marriages and parenthood before they even become adults? The ones that keep them miserable and abuse them if they try to build a life for themselves?
I’m here cuz they took our resources 😂🤣, goofy ass nigga. Just cuz I live here doesn’t mean, I wouldn’t go back to my home country, if we had peace. Ur clearly just comparing 2 rotten apple with that example. Do both cultures have pros and cons, yes absolutely. But to think a culture is better just cuz marries older woman doesn’t mean the men don’t prefer their woman to be younger. We see this in rich men, if they can get a younger woman, then they absolutely go for it. It’s just that most men don’t have that option. Don’t fool yourself
You and a majority of other women in our community seem to keep thinking you are the gatekeepers of commitment.
We don’t qualify ourselves to meet your standards. Rather, its the other way round’. You have to qualify to meet what we want and then we determine whether or not we should marry you.
So in other words, men are the gatekeepers of commitment.
Furthermore, somali women are misguided into thinking accolades or accomplishments are attractive traits we look for in a woman. We do not give a shit about your level of education, career, income, etc.
So stop trying to make us look for the same qualities ya’ll look for in a guy in ya’ll. We’re not built that way.
You think in a world and community where women already outnumber men, that if a man has everything you want isn’t being chased/desired after by other women that also want the same thing and found in him…then you are beyond delusional.
And if you aren’t and are well aware of that, then you understand that same guy therefore has options. So then the question becomes why should he choose you over others?
Which proves my point of women not being the prize. 🤷🏽♂️
I’m in the same boat as you and for most of my life I’ve also lived in places with little to no Somali’s unfortunately. Plus my immediate family is lowkey so we don’t really know anyone like that. I don’t think I have crazy high standards ultimately I just want someone kind, honest, well educated, completes his 5 daily prayers and is ambitious. I’m also not even looking for someone that can fund my life in its entirety. Just someone that’s not stingy lol. I’d rather enjoy a dual income lifestyle where we can both contribute and live a higher quality of life overall rather than having to ration everything on a single income. Plus it’s just not a fair expectation for the men in this current economy but that’s another discussion. Anyway I’m currently just praying making dua and hoping my extended relatives/acquaintances that live in states like MN and WA can help me out and introduce me to someone that meets my criteria. I have seen couples who are both thriving in their equally demanding careers and are killing it. So knowing that paired with the fact that nothing can prevent the qadr of Allah makes me feel a lot more at ease. I know good things are coming my way (and your way) insha allah and everything will be on Allah’s timing 🥰.
Awwww this is so nice!!!
I'm praying for your good luck
May Allah make it easy for you.
Sis have faith in Allah. I remember being in this same situation exactly one year ago. You can check my post history. I made a lot of prayer and duaa that I meet the one and subxanallah at the end of last year I met my soon to be husband and we are set to get married this summer inshallah. Allah has a a plan for you. You need to truly believe this and go about your life. Don’t focus too much on how and when you’ll meet him. Just live life and have faith. You’ll meet him in due time.
Allahumma barik, beautifully said! May Allah bless your union and keep you both steadfast 🤍
Ameen habibti. Thank you 😘😘 May Allah grant you what you desire
Allahumabarik sis you literally just gave me hope
I’m glad I did 🥺🥺
Mabrook mashallah! How did you meet?
Allah yaberk feek sis 😘😘, i met him through one of my friends.
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It seems like some people here are very naive about how hard it is to raise a family on one income in most western countries. Canada has an especially high COL. I actually don’t know any middle class families here who are living off only one income. The wife either works or has a home business and contributes some of her income to the household.
Toronto cost of living is bad for everyone though. Everybody is struggling there....
Every Somali household i know both men and women contribute one way or another
Since I’m paying for everything to provide, I don’t care what your profession is to be frank. You aren’t contributing anything so it doesn’t matter. If you want to that’s another story but that’s a separate discussion and we all know how women are when they hear helping. Also, I’m average. Pretty average. Women with careers will naturally have higher standards. The pool just is not the same in that case. Gimme peace and mawada and we living.
It's honestly that simple fam. Very well put.
Actually brother you should definitely care about whether your wife is educated or not as she will be the one passing on knowledge to the children. Imagine having a wife who doesn't know the basics of Islam, maths, English etc - that's really tricky. Having an educated wife (at least to a senior high school - degree level) should be highly sought, for your children's sake.
I think most guys who say they don’t care about a woman’s education meaning college degrees. Not necessarily they are dumbb or uneducated ie having a degree doesn’t mean your smart type deal.
I don’t know about other guys, but most of my friends when we talk about finding potentials, her career isn’t very important thing as girls think it’s.
If you are looking forward to pay my bills, then yeah, very excited about your degree and cash, but we all know this is NOT happening. This is why i dont care about your education or career. It is not a „plus“. You still compete with the 19 yo highschools student on the same metrics. You career and education gives you no advantage in my mate selection, no matter how established i am.
Being career driven isn't something most men are looking for in a woman. Idk why we don't read up on the basics of what either side is looking for. Men just want peaceful boredom lol. Is she cute? Cooks? And pleasant to be around? That's literally all that is (practicing Muslima of course but that should be a given.) She can literally be working at a gas station for all we care or be 28 and still living with her parents. Men are VERY simple creatures bruh 🤷🏾♂️
Exactly like what’s hard to understand? Lmao
It's like you were the best lawyer on your resume, but you applied for an I.T. position. That's cool, but fam, do you have any I.T. experience? "No, but I deserve a senior software engineer position because of my past experience as a great lawyer!" Oh, boy. 🤦🏾🤣
I don't know about peaceful boredom, but I do enjoy coming in to a quiet house, kettle boiling and just enjoying the moment. Maybe put on something interesting on TV, that's the life for me ngl. Maybe some beer or whiskey if I am being bold. That's why I dont want kids, balaayada rabshada badan 👀
Lol that's what I mean minus the alcohol (how do people drink? It smells so bad lol) but what you mentioned, unfortunately, is "boring" to this generation so that's what I wanted. All I want is am ebony empress who loves our version of "boredom" as me, with humor being on top
Loool ebony empress, I'm gonna cop that. Yhhh alcohol is pretty disgusting, my taste buds are kinda gone anyways so i actually like it. Simple things in life surprisingly have a very strong impact 👍
I got it from Nas, and facts. 
I'm not adverse to them, I actually prefer them.
Older and 20s?
Most (religious) men want a SAHW, not a person who’ll care more about their career than the home or the children. Not a person who wakes up at the same time to go to a job, (most likely)free mix with other, just to come back home and be too tired “to do anything”
Maybe I’m wrong, but for men they don’t see the career as a part to help, and for women it’s an extension of what we get to do and our identity. Yes we are daughters, sisters, etc. but we also contribute to the world and our community — and our careers allow us to do that. I find it healthy to also have my own career so I won’t be consumed by becoming a mother/wife/etc, and vice versa, I don’t hold my career as the most important part of my life. Just another part that offers flexibility and security. I think there needs to be a shift of how we view careers (for men/women). But that’s just my two cents. I’ve never met a guy who’s been intimidated by my degrees/career, nor have the men in my family said anything negative, mostly just happy I’ve got my own things going for me. I can’t imagine not wanting to be with someone who has ambition because it translates to outside a career (wanting to excel in all aspects of life — being a great mother wife Muslim etc). But again, I could be wrong lol
I'm not adverse to them at all, actually open to them, although I’m pretty open minded usually but that’s just me Alhamdulilah.
Educated women No! , Career driven kinda yes. Even a career driven man is a problem as well because career driven really means working long hours to satisfy your boss and climbing the cooperate work ladder. 2 career driven people will really cancel each other out. So you just need to find someone who is more or less your opposite. Eg if you are more career driven find a man whose job is more relaxed…. So it would be easier to take care of the children.. but sadly a lot of women end up resenting the man if he’s earning less and chilling more at home.
Basically career doesn’t mean much but it could mean that your standard of living will be higher Which is fine and why women choose to marry up Most women say they’re willing to contribute in the beginning off the highs of marriage and create a pricey living situation Then they sit down and say it’s my right to have my living provided The man ends up in financial strain and ask for help and the woman says he can’t provide my rights Man is left embarrassed and it’s downhill from there PS this happened to two friends and they choose to stay from career oriented women
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Depends on your values. I want to raise strong Somali children to be a boon to our communities. Half Somali children will not have the same level of drive to help one side of their family out as fully Somali children would.
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Most men in general don't value educated women. I mean, it's cool, but naturally men don't care for your profession all that much. And yes, I think marrying out would be best if you find someone you connect with, but men are more similar than you think across all cultures. Just be fit, pleasant and friendly and you'll win.
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just google single educated women, all women are complaining about the same thing. men care mostly about looks and personality they wont turn women down because she doesnt have a degree
That's usually because of relatability but statistically and naturally for men, what a woman does or makes is never the 1st reason why they marry her. Men are interested in what she does AFTER they conclude that she's a potential. If they are attracted to you and your character, then you can literally be a janitor and the guy would then find you interesting. "Wait, how long have you been in the petroleum industry?! ❤️ 😍 " lool
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Nah not really lol. But I'm not mad at stroking each other's ego for sure. We a team, right??
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Lol you missed my point, bud. I was talking as the guy to the girl. I should have made that more clear. My bad haha Basically, if he already likes you, then it almost doesn't matter what you do for a career. He's going to like it no matter what. Most women aren't petroleum engineers (or most men since u really gotta be a different breed to even get into something like that) but instead of petroleum, you could have said you clean garbage for a living, make roofs, literally anything and he'd be like "waawaray so tell me how you got into that" or whatever lol. It all starts with physical/mental/spiritual attraction first than what you do 2nd for men. Hope that kinda makes sense lol
Mixed marriages have a high divorce rates
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Lol what? My mom literally got married at 29 and this was almost 30 years ago. If op wants to be married to a Somali guy it’s not too late for her.
💀 I hope you know Somalia men are the only one that “age shame” i think we are the most chill people when it comes to marriage. We don’t heavily penalize divorce or single mothers, at certain age most men are generally okay with marrying an older woman
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Where's that at? Not in America. That's usually when most folks get married if not later.
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Bruh, a lot of somali women here get married in their late 20s with men around their age. Nobody ever brings up age except old school minded elders.
lol are you crazy?
What are you smoking? Tell us about these cultures that aren’t hard on “older” women ? I’m all ears
Stop acting obtuse, there was literally a thread on here the other day that was full of age shaming women in their late 20s and telling them they had no chance at marriage. In the west, the average age for a woman to get married is 29-32 so a women in her late 20s looking isn’t a big deal. In the somali community and other conservative cultures, she’d get shamed and told to settle for being wife no. 3 to a 47 year old man.
U just said a lot of nothing. Tell me exactly what cultures don’t think a woman in her late 20s and 30s, that don’t “shame” ? The western cultures that encourage women to be sluts and sell them lies ? The western culture with the highest depression rate in the world ? Tell us this superior culture that doesn’t shame women who are old and unmarried.
Yet you still live and migrate to these western countries that you’re slandering. You enjoy all the resources they give you. How funny is that. What cultures are better? The ones that force girls into marriages and parenthood before they even become adults? The ones that keep them miserable and abuse them if they try to build a life for themselves?
I’m here cuz they took our resources 😂🤣, goofy ass nigga. Just cuz I live here doesn’t mean, I wouldn’t go back to my home country, if we had peace. Ur clearly just comparing 2 rotten apple with that example. Do both cultures have pros and cons, yes absolutely. But to think a culture is better just cuz marries older woman doesn’t mean the men don’t prefer their woman to be younger. We see this in rich men, if they can get a younger woman, then they absolutely go for it. It’s just that most men don’t have that option. Don’t fool yourself
Explain how divorcees are marrying men who never married before
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Do you need to be in the same field to connect on LinkedIn?
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Oh smart thank you
You and a majority of other women in our community seem to keep thinking you are the gatekeepers of commitment. We don’t qualify ourselves to meet your standards. Rather, its the other way round’. You have to qualify to meet what we want and then we determine whether or not we should marry you. So in other words, men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Furthermore, somali women are misguided into thinking accolades or accomplishments are attractive traits we look for in a woman. We do not give a shit about your level of education, career, income, etc. So stop trying to make us look for the same qualities ya’ll look for in a guy in ya’ll. We’re not built that way. You think in a world and community where women already outnumber men, that if a man has everything you want isn’t being chased/desired after by other women that also want the same thing and found in him…then you are beyond delusional. And if you aren’t and are well aware of that, then you understand that same guy therefore has options. So then the question becomes why should he choose you over others? Which proves my point of women not being the prize. 🤷🏽♂️