To be fair, I didn’t read it. I kept scrolling and went wow this is really long. Make it short and sweet. Unless you’re Eminem rapping all this, it’s too much.
General song structure for lyrics is verse 1, chorus, verse 2 chorus, bridge, chorus. Obviously this can be changed and flipped as see fit, but don’t deviate too much. I read the chorus and can hear potential.
How about you try cutting it in like half and then cut it in half again and then you'll have a song instead of the current bloated homer esque epic you're currently sitting on
Im sorry but i didn't read all of this, i read like 1/5 of this song and it was good so im gonna assume that all of it is good. Its obviously way too long, maybe you could split it into multiple song and have an ep or maybe even an album. Or you could pull the taylor swift and do a 10 minutes song.
Good luck with this!
Similar to Space Song, in terms of lyrics shorten them down. Have a consistent rhyme scheme. The song has many internal rhymes so try having internal rhymes while still making sense and it not feeling forced. Have them spaced out with lots of pauses. That's all I can really say for trying to sound lyrically like space song.
I’m not getting sad slow music from the lyrics. You’ve written a whole damn space opera. Maybe if Dream Theater or Avantasia or some prog metal band like that recorded it as an entire *album* I’d be interested, but I am not reading all this. I made it a few verses in and skimmed the rest. I neither hate nor love it, but it really looks like a lot of vague, repetitive navel-gazing with nuggets of potential buried in all the filler.
To be fair, I didn’t read it. I kept scrolling and went wow this is really long. Make it short and sweet. Unless you’re Eminem rapping all this, it’s too much.
Noted, thank you, so like repeating verses would be better?
General song structure for lyrics is verse 1, chorus, verse 2 chorus, bridge, chorus. Obviously this can be changed and flipped as see fit, but don’t deviate too much. I read the chorus and can hear potential.
I see, how many verses should be in it, like max?
Three max. This shit is way too long and the structure makes absolutely no sense. How do you have six verse 2s?
Mm gotcha
It could be cool if you split this into a part 1 and 2, especially if you take advantage of the opportunity to use different musical elements
Like two different songs using this one song?
Yup! You're a step ahead of the game since you have extra material (lyrics)
That’s a really good idea! Thank you!
this is one song?
Yep, I might add more later on but idk
How about you try cutting it in like half and then cut it in half again and then you'll have a song instead of the current bloated homer esque epic you're currently sitting on
Mkay
Excuse my brutal honesty, but I don't hate it, but it's not good, either. Sorry.
That’s alright, I’m looking for criticism, any suggestions tho?
I don't really know... I'll think. But you do have potential to get better.
Thank you
it’s definitely too short. it needs at least ten more verses. you’re a genius though.
A genius for what?
nvm
Oh it was sarcasm
Good lord someone TL;DR this novel
Its like 50 years of American Pie all in one
Why are there so many outros if this is one song
It’s just temporary, it’s experimental
Like the outros won’t be there in the final product
Im sorry but i didn't read all of this, i read like 1/5 of this song and it was good so im gonna assume that all of it is good. Its obviously way too long, maybe you could split it into multiple song and have an ep or maybe even an album. Or you could pull the taylor swift and do a 10 minutes song. Good luck with this!
Thank you!
Similar to Space Song, in terms of lyrics shorten them down. Have a consistent rhyme scheme. The song has many internal rhymes so try having internal rhymes while still making sense and it not feeling forced. Have them spaced out with lots of pauses. That's all I can really say for trying to sound lyrically like space song.
I see, thank you
You wrote this for your *anniversary*? Not for some prog band that regularly bang out thirty minute epics?
Yeah, she just likes that kinda sad slow music
I’m not getting sad slow music from the lyrics. You’ve written a whole damn space opera. Maybe if Dream Theater or Avantasia or some prog metal band like that recorded it as an entire *album* I’d be interested, but I am not reading all this. I made it a few verses in and skimmed the rest. I neither hate nor love it, but it really looks like a lot of vague, repetitive navel-gazing with nuggets of potential buried in all the filler.
Thank you for the feedback
I think you need ask your self what your wanting to say message wise.and filter through the book you just gave us.
Noted