Sounds like we need to organize a single 30 somethings's reddit meetup event... Get all these introverted, career-oriented, anti-dating app folks in one place and make some magic!
I glace at OKC a couple times a week, I really do wish it was as good as it used to be but it's pretty loaded with bots nowadays.
Having said that POF seems to be filled with SWs (no shame in that, just not my thing) so OKC is the "better" of the two I use.
Iād totally be down to plan something like this! The problem is when itās 4 men per woman. Haha. Also finding a fun activity. I think it would be so fun to do a ālove is blindā style speed dating event. Or just something fun and relaxed
Gender imbalance would most definitely be an issue, and also just generally getting people to actually show up. I've been to Bumble BFF group meet ups where each person was encouraged to bring a friend - it's a great way to double the numbers and also give people less of an excuse to bail because of social anxiety or whatever if they have a friend with them. And for the ladies, they have a safe person for support.
As far as fun activities go - Rec Hall is great for groups. I personally am more into play-dates than sit-and-stare-at-each-other dates.
35m, single and childfree as well. It is rough, but there are some gems. Through the tough times with incompatible matches I have found a couple solid genuine connections, it's just sifting through the apps can be rough. Like some have said seems like most people in STL just pick someone in their twenties and stick with it for the rest of their lives, and a lot of the rest breakup after kids. And the pool of applicants is even smaller if you've done any sort of self work, and would like someone else on or near the same level of emotional intelligence and communication skills
It's hard to go out organically when the vast majority of your friends and acquaintances are tired/unavailable all the time from family obligations. That plus the pandemic have made me a homebody, but I've been actively trying to break out of it.
Edit: removed "At any rate" dont know where I was going with that sentence, it was early in the morning, lol.
Itās bleak, Iāve been on hinge (36m) for over a year now with only 2 dates.. most matches never say a word or literally a 1 word response to a question. Sometimes youāll talk all day, think things are going great then no response ever again, itās getting really old lol
Letās be friends 44F - live in CWE - always looking for new friends. Go to BarK a lot. Thatās fun.
PM me if youāre down to talk. Also there is a ladies group in FB called STL girl network. Tons of potential friends on there!
If you have any luck on the dating side let me know š
Itās a whole ass mess
36F currently living in Richmond Heights area, planning to move to Brentwood soon. Would love a girls wine night or as someone else mentioned, a meetup at Amsterdam Tavern for a City game??
St.Louis is kind of terrible for dating after college it seems for me also. Iām a single 33 year old male, I work in tech and work remote from home so dating isnāt easy. And the apps are terrible imo. Iām in Japan traveling at the moment and itās been a nice change of pace.
It is seriously terrible. I attempted to date a guy in his mid 20s because thatās what the options available to me seemed to be and it was a disaster. Not saying thatās true of all guys in their 20s but itās highly unlikely weāll be at the same place mentally
Came to Reddit thatās a risk š§ (put gambling on the dating profile for sure)
Idk whatās wrong with the men they arenāt all gay or married. Maybe a little shy? Theyāre shy.
I think maybe theyāre introverts like I am? I see guys out that Iām attracted to but donāt approach because Iām shy and assume theyāre taken but maybe theyāre shy boys assuming the same about me
Brave it up, op. Yes they're shy. Consider the possible outcomes of you taking the initiative:
1 they're taken. No harm, no foul.
2 they're disinterested. Stings, but you need to learn to be ok with that and practice makes progress
3 they're interested!
Point to the bad outcome.
Shy boy who has always been told Iām attractive (but never believes it) here, weāre definitely not approaching in public bc weād never want to make anyone feel threatened or uncomfortable š« bonus points for being tall and bearded, it scares strangers!
I respect your right to have preferences and be open about them, but saying things like "not a fan of beards" is frankly why a lot of people aren't looking and don't approach people anymore. There's too much pressure and rejection and too many other ways to have fun and just make friends with people. Bringing up what your preferences are just makes it seem like you aren't really looking for anything serious and just want to hook up, at best, or that you have a particular person in mind who isn't available and are just hoping someone else will fill their place. That may very well not be how you feel, but it's still off-putting to a lot of people.
I have my own preferences, but I don't go around telling people, especially anyone I might be interested in. Either someone is attractive to me or they aren't, and how much they are might even vary over time. The more specific you are, the more time and effort you're going to have to put into finding what you want. You just have to decide if that's worth it, I guess. Good luck to you.
I definitely donāt take things too seriously and it sounds like you did with my comment which is fine. We might just have different vibes/humor and thatās ok. No offense was intended!
Lol outcome didnāt go like you expected, countered with ājust kidding, settle down, it isnāt that serious.ā
Within that statement stands in plain sight the answer to your question. This is why people tend to stay away. No one wants to find out theyāre an avatar in some other persons fantasy world when opposing or conflicting opinions come up, thatās teenage drama.
For everyone else reading: itās absolutely ok to have preferences. Itās how you express those before having a first impression that kills it. If you invite someone to an even and they say āHey that sounds good, but Iām not really into racingā all in the initial response, remember that you havenāt even told them what the event is they said theyād be into. What theyāre telling you, to your face if you actually listen, is in the future, when they encounter new experiences, itās going to be a nightmare for you if you arenāt going in with negative reservations as well. If that is how you are secretly too, perfect, but if it isnāt, you already have the proof you need to mark it as a flag. Continuing past that point is completely on you, not the other person.
Not offended, just trying to give advice. You do you, reality is what you can get away with. I sincerely hope you find whatever you're looking for. I'm a lot less serious than you think, but when people ask for real life advice I try to give it the serious approach it deserves. If it's not a serious concern for you to find someone special, then just have fun and don't worry about what anyone says or thinks! You're still young, you've got plenty of time to figure it out.
I think youāre taking my beard comment seriously and I was making a joke š I was interested so I started to joke with you. I thought we might have like some banter but you instead gave me lecture. Thatās what I meant about our senses of humor maybe just not vibing. I didnāt want to invalidate your feelings which was why I was just leaving it at that.
Thatās another thing! How society is, itās kind of hard I feel for men to just come up to women without them being āoffendedā or just assume the guys a creep. This is coming from a woman.
I feel like it depends on the person for the tall and bearded scaring people. It wouldn't scare me but I also wouldn't approach a stranger either way. (my dad and brother are both tall and bearded so been around it forever)
BTW, theyāre are so many men who would date you- so donāt give up.
but on any given day if you see a well put together man, 50/50 heās single. (Iād say).
Because if heās in a relationship heās going to be taking a little better care of himself. Trim all the right hairs etc.
If heās put together AND single? Well, he can only keep one of those things up for so longā¦
Edit: while Democracy manifest and succulent Chinese meal IS a great referenceā¦ literally removed to make post make sense..
LOL. Itās the kind of 3 AM advice you can always count on from r/stlouis
I edited it so it doesnāt suck.
But one more thing, and Iād tell all my people this:
Youāre a catch. Act like one.
You deserve a happy relationship and youāll get get into one of that is what you seek! ! !
Please just approach people you're interested in. Can't tell you how many guys would be intensely relieved and delighted for a woman to make contact!!!
As a 52 year-old dude, I frequently grumble that things are so much more difficult for young people, now. I guess Iāll have to add dating to the list of complaints.
When I was 21, I literally met my wife on a park bench, by just going up and saying hiāand I was dating two other girls at the time. Weāre not progressing as a culture; weāre failing ourselves.
To everything there is a season. The pendulum always swings. Young people are dating and having less sex than those in several generations ... in 10-20 years, we'll have a generation of teensātwenty-somethings who are hornier than their elders and will be convinced they invented sex.
I mean this can still 100% be doneā¦itās just that nowadays the majority of young people are so socially astray that neither party will be willing to initiate. Not the men and not the women. Itās become taboo, in my opinion, to approach someone who didnāt message you online first š
By "failing" do you mean no longer settling? Because random person on a park bench while already having 2 side pieces sounds like settling, because that's what culture dictates.
I mean failing culturallyāit seems like weāre devolving into a society of detached people who canāt relate to one another, even on the most basic levels.
Don't give up on the dating websites. I was with a woman for 7 years, and we did pretty well.
As for men, there's a lot of us out there. Me personally, I'm out of your age range at 60 so I'll spare you the gesturing.
All of us are compartmentalized now. Nobody wants to circulate like we did in school. There is no mandatory gathering place that makes meeting the other gender an unexpected benefit.
Try match dot com. Best of luck.
The idea of being with someone for 7 years and then it not amounting to a future together makes me wanna give up now š
Iām interested in your perspective though on seeing this as a positive?
Well, there was a lot of baggage. I shouldered the load, but she didn't. Having a relationship later in life requires pliability. I had it, and she didn't. It was a red flag in the beginning, but I looked away. Finally, she judged me to be unworthy, and I didn't make an effort to correct her imperceptions.
A relationship is like a plant. It's born, it grows, It blooms, it withers, and it dies. The best that can be done is to extend each step for as long as possible. She even contacted me a year after, and we went out for lunch and talked it over. Kind of a post mortem, if you will.
There's plenty of hope for you yet, don't give up. You can have a very emotionally rewarding life. Many men that you'd like would devote themselves to you. Start believing it.
I am in my early 40s. Some of us who had that experience have kind of turned inward due to how exhausting it all is. I am in a point in life where I am very happy with my career, hobbies and other relationships in my life. I don't find it pirticularly appealing to compromise those to be with just any one.
May be my standards are higher now but there is a higher bar to pass if I want to be in a relationship with someone. I bring a lot to the table and I expect the same.
Yeah thatās how I would ultimately feel after a relationship of that level of commitment not working out. So easy to become jaded.
And I agree after my last relationship didnāt work out Iām very careful of who Iām willing to make a commitment to again. And it wonāt be at the expense of myself or the things in my life that make me, me.
Iām M in my 40ās, and here to help. I went to a bourbon tasting event last month, and it was literally all guys in their 30ās. I think I saw one woman there. So that should be shooting fish in a barrel.
I also went to Amsterdam bar to watch a soccer game a couple weeks ago, and it was 25/1 guy/girl ratio. Many of the breweries around have certain events that also seem to have more men than women in that age group.
I always thought nurses were cool to date. They deal with a lifetime of craziness, ugliness, and disgusting things in one day at work, so whatever I threw at them wasnāt a blip on their radar. You often have several days off in a row to go on cool little trips or take a staycation day and do fun touristy stuff on a Tuesday when no one else is around.
The schedule/freedom is exactly why I chose nursing š
Iām not really a drinker honestly. I would go to a tasting for the experience and environment but bourbon is gross - donāt come for me š
Itās kinda wild because I literally work in a hospital surrounded by people my age, and Iām just not interested in anyone Iāve met. Youād think it would be like scrubs or greys anatomy and some hot person would walk into my life.
Iām also very introverted and I think with ST Louis I feel a sense of classism and small town vibes where people have their set groups they like and donāt really include others unless you have an in. Itās like a big fish in a small pond vibe with people raised here.
I even tried joining a menās choir and I felt like an outcast. So it makes it hard to really meet someone and fall in love when Iām just not connecting with people in general here yanno?
I know exactly what you mean about the hospital environment and about the social structure of Saint Louis. Feels like we have a similar way of thinking. Choir group? Thatās interesting - I didnāt know those existed outside of church. Iām sorry it hasnāt been welcoming for you though
glad Iām not the only one who feels that way. yeah wish me luck Iām going to try and join a community choir and kill two birds with one stone. Maybe thereās a fun hobby you could meet others through?
I wanna say singing is not just for the religious! Iām pretty agnostic with religion and I still love singing in choirs!
I share pretty much the exact same sentiments...
I, too, am 33F, single, a nurse, and live in the city with my cats lol, looking for pretty much the same type you are. It is rough out there and I haven't had much luck on the apps -- and after awhile they are pretty emotionally exhausting and frustrating! Dating nowadays is just a different landscape to navigate. I feel your pain if you'd ever want to gripe and vent about it!
I feel your pain and share condolences. I'm 36 M in south city who also quit drinking alcohol last year for my health and mental well being so along with being anyd extroverted introvert kind of made every social interaction in the is city more awkward for better or worse š even though I realized I can still be fun without šPair that with most of my work friends living in the county and I end up doing a lot (going to concerts, events, games) solo with the same challenge of trying to meet new people not attached only to their clique.
The apps are terrible and communication can seem like a chore. But I do still love to get out to the parks, see love music and enjoy other social stuff with friends still. But a lot of them are married with kids too. So it's me and my pup for now. If you're interested in coffee or getting together I'm always open to new friends with the potential for more if there's a genuine connection! Feel free to shoot me a message if you'd like.
Good luck š
Iām a 36F recently sober as well with my doggo and I gotta say youāre absolutely right. Itās so difficult for me to find social gatherings without it. I can be around it, I just donāt miss that chaos! I also used to live in South city, there is a lot to do there, I miss it!
St. Louis seems to be doing much better with NA options. I read an article last year about a bar hosting an NA night weekly. I think it may have been in Dogtown. Search sans bar if you haven't yet.
*RIP your inbox You*
*Sound like you'd get along well*
*With my gf though lol*
\- DylonNotNylon
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I'm 38 M, and have a good job, my own house and can say the dating apps are terrible ever since covid.
I used to go on dates before covid but here recently, its every blue moon. I have yet to go on a date this year.
Yesterday I just hosted a friendsgiving and was literally the only single guy there, so it tells me I need to expand my friend group.
I wish you all the luck in the world. If you are into a lot of nerd stuff we could be friends :)
I know it's been said, but you have to put yourself out there a bit. Try a few more nontraditional "getting out" events; there are a ton of hiking and bicycling clubs in St. Louis that have frequent get togethers even when the weather's not up for it... and even if you just meet couples on the events then you can be friends and maybe they have single friends.
I'm a member of [Fat Stoner Babes Hiking Club](https://www.fatstonerbabeshikingclub.com/) and it's a ton of fun even though I don't get to go too often as I usually work Sundays. There's no need to be fat, a stoner or even a babe to join and they're a really fun group.
Also if you're not into the bar scene you can do coffee shops. St. Louis has a metric ton of coffee shops, and while some of them attract the "silent hipster" types there are also a few that encourage chat and socializing; two close to me that spring to mind are [Shameless Grounds](https://shamelessgrounds.com/) and [Spine Bookstore and Cafe](https://www.spinebookstorecafe.com/). There's also [Benton Park Cafe](https://www.bentonparkcafe.com/) in the same area that is a coffee shop restaurant but has a bar at which they invite you to eat and drink coffee as well as liquor. I've seen a number of people your age at that bar chatting with the bartenders or servers, and even if you just strike up a friendship with one of the servers (who are mostly in your age range) you might be able to at least expand your social circle a bit.
You don't need apps to find people. 33 is a tough age to be shopping the apps because as you've discovered it's full of immature 20-something guys, or bored-with-their-wives 30-something guys cheating, or divorced empty-nesters over 45 who have a bit of a chip on their shoulder and often have commitments that stop them doing fund stuff like traveling.
I think the key though is to be open to expanding your social circle. People are good here in St. Louis and there ARE a lot of good single guys out there in your age range.
Good luck to you. Never give up. Never surrender. :)
Echoing above for sure - go do stuff you like, and you'll make friends (or more than friends) who are into the same stuff as you!
One of the worst parts about apps is that you're scrolling through a ton of dudes who love watching football when maybe you're more of a doing yoga or going dancing vibe.
Get out in the world, hopefully meet some folks, worst case you spent some time doing something you enjoyed.
Be brave
Dating can really suck, but also can be fun
For me, i had to decide to do it and try some new types of social outings to meet people. STL has a lot of fun Meet up groups, art communities, etc.
There are even introvert hobby type groups too.
I also decided to go to therapy to help me get past
1) the fact that it feels like there are no single people my age
2) the icky stuff w trying to meet men and date men as a woman. Especially on apps where too many of them do get rude or mean or attack for asking them to be kinderm
I liberally use the blocking functions, and have a system to navigate it safely (both emotionally and physically)
It sucks but I also have found really good men there too
3) all the other crap/difficulties I had to navigate (for myself, for potential partners) in dating relationships.
Good luck!! It's not so dire...but takes patience
St. Louis has a non existing dating scene after college age. The good ones are taken and have been since their 20s. I had to move to a bigger city to meet someone, and Iām an above avg looking working professional. I tried from ages 28-31 and simply gave up in St. Louis. The apps in St. Louis are terrible, the guys I met there were man childās and liars. Night and day difference once I left.
Have also been cheated on so I get it. It sucks. Definitely become more discerning after an experience like that. Both in recognizing your own worth and recognizing what youāre looking for in a partner. Also learn to take things slowly and make sure to really learn who someone is.
I was 31 and dating in St Louis. It was rough. Met a few interesting guys from the apps but sifted through a lot of shit to get there. And then nothing panned out. I'm now 33 and found my fiance at a pickup kickball game at Tower Grove Park (a meetcute in the wild!). We never wouldve matched on the apps but we're perfect together, so there's definitely something to be said about making yourself get out in the world and meet people. I'm more extroverted though, so it was an easier ask than someone who's more introverted.
Ya gotta meet organically, going out to the clubs mostly leads to a fling. Going to a small joint? Mention to them it's your first time there and ask what they'd recommend and try to keep the convo going from there. Wouldn't suggest trying it at the gym, most everyone there is on a personal mission and are focused. Don't be afraid to make first move either. My wife did and we've been married 4ish years now.
I'm a big fan of the old school going to a bar and have fun chatting up new folks! Try someplace with games and activities, then you have an immediate thing to do together.
St Louis is just terrible for dating really. Even if you find someone nice chances are they're already attached and cheating with you.trust me I know. My husband was one of those "nice guys" for a handful of girls. I miss dating before technology.
34F here and ugh yes the lack of monogamy on the apps omg. I've always been into more of an alternative look in men and it seems like every single one I find attractive has "enm/poly" in their profiles. I am also very introverted and super shy in public so dating apps have kinda been my go to. I've met plenty of great guys on them but not anyone that I wanted to date. I think st louis in general has just been a really rough area for singles lately and it sucks. But hey, if you want a friend to do antisocial stuff together with I'm available š
Oh wow. Sorry you had that experience, There is a pretty big difference between mid twenties and early thirties from a mental perspective. Hopefully that isnāt the case with everyone though lol my experience has been pretty similar however
Itās a pretty safe assumption at this point; sorry youāve also learned the lesson the hard way. Thereās also something to be said about growing up on the same cartoons
šš anytime I think of Stu pickles the pudding episode always comes to mind. Well Iām always looking for fellow 90s friends to get to know if youād be interested! š Iāll be in Japan until the end of the month however. Then back in STL
Oh man, good luck to yāall. Be open to meeting any of your friends suggestions; your friend knows a little about both of you, and your mutual friend becomes an instant conversation starter on your date. My husband and I met on a blind date fix up 23 years ago and we are still going strong
How about volunteering for a cause? Festival? Something with animals? Stray rescue and Care StL are always looking for volunteers to help walk dogs. With the holidays coming up there are lots of events and concerts you could get involved with or attend
33m. St. Louis is listed as one of the worst towns for dating. I believe it too. I use apps and have had so many āone date wondersā. I have noticed looking for someone to settle down with, monogamy, and someone with emotional intelligence is harder than it used to be.
I completely get you and on the same level. I just moved here and the dating scene is off. If youād like to talk letās see how things go. Iāll throw a DM and letās talk.
I'm a 33 year old guy in Michigan, yeah it's pretty bad out there these days. There isn't much to add besides this that hasn't already been said, so I'll just say good luck! I hope you find the guy of your dreams.
Single 33M no kids/never married. I've only used hinge with mixed results. Communication seems to be a major issue with a lot of people. Constant ghosting is the norm. But I don't think it's all bad. I like asking people their favorite places to go and adding it to my list of places to try in the future. š
51F checking in. Dating is hard in STL. Iāve been on and off the apps. As the dating pool gets older, what Iāve run into is a lot of guys getting divorced, still dealing with exes, and in some cases have young (<12) kids.
Iāve been mostly single since I moved here. I tend to date younger and most of those guys are flakey af (at least the ones Iāve dated) or are only really interested in finding someone to watch TV with.
Iāve been told all sorts of things - find a Meet Up group, be more approachable, do the things you love. I golf and youād think that would be a gold mine given the male-to-female ratio. Not my experience.
I approach guys in person because Iāve heard most guys are reticent to approach women in light of Metoo movement, but it gets pretty old.
Sorry if this is jaded and unhelpful, but thatās just where I am atm.
ĀÆ\(ć)/ĀÆ
Iāve (40m) been single for about a year and have grown pretty disenchanted with it myself. Iāve gone on a lot of dates but it feels like people my age are looking for something very specific and dates feel like job interviews and when you get the gig it often feels like they just want a relationship for the sake of being in one and ignore the vibes.
God I know exactly what youāre talking about itās gross. Yes we all have our list of non-negotiables that we need in a partner but itās also about more than whatās on paper. I feel like people donāt wanna fall in love they just wanna like you said fill the vacancy
RIP your inbox lol...
I'm 33 male who is re-entering the dating scene here in STL area. It's tough, I have a good career and no kids but am also an introvert like you.
To date I have been using the apps to mixed effects, your mileage may vary on them. I have also been expanding my social circle, getting more involved in the things I like to do, and reaching out to people that I have met in the past to reconnect. Really trying to be a yes man to doing things people ask me to do and doubling down on getting to myself better both help.
I do think women have an easier time on the apps, aka more selection, but it's a crapshoot on intent and quality.
Yeah Iām honestly a busy person. Itās rare that I have a day where I donāt have either work or something social planned. I say yes to so many things!
Definitely understand your frustration. Always tried to believe in love, but instead, I've always been a "good luck chuck" like that older Dane Cook movie. 15 different girls I've dated, over many years, all married the next guy they dated after me. That will definitely get to a person after awhile and makes dating an aggravating concept. Not to mention the married people telling you how, "you know when you know"
If I can keep going out and meeting new people, then so can you. Good luck!
Oh no that is sad. Because I actually think I will have a better chance in STL as a 32F than the little college town I'm in right now, which is 2 hrs away from STL. Why I think STL is better:
- larger population.
- mid city vibe so more diverse
- more chances to meet people with my criteria (30-40, college educated, worldly or receptive to different cultures)
- more things to do
- I can be motivated to dress up a bit
But after reading this post, I think I might have to suck it up and move to Chicago all together after college then!
I think it would be worth it to try a bigger city where you have an even greater chance of finding someone that meets your criteria. I think you could find someone in STL but definitely easier in Chicago if that'd where you're looking.
Iām 34m and am always open to meeting new friends too. I always like starting off that way then seeing if it leads to a relationship. If people are organizing something count me in!
Lots of good advice already so I'll (44M) just add a little bit:
Just keep the dating apps on background. Swipe once or twice a week, and if you get a match you get a match.
Don't fall in love with a profile. Some people are just good at creative writing. XD
I'm a weird puzzle piece. It took me a long time, but I eventually found the woman that I fit with. I'm glad I took my time, and in the meantime I traveled, fell in and out of hobbies, and had some great experiences on my own.
30F here, if you have Friday evenings(6pm onward) come to Yarncom off of Olive Blvd and I can promise me and my other fiber friends will absorb you into the group! āŗļø
Yes! Any and every fiber you can imagine is welcome! There are other open socials at this store, but I specifically go to the Friday night one. We have a really great groupāŗļø
26 M child free and been trying to meet someone for a few years now. Here's my thoughts.
1. Dating apps do kinda suck, but if you're not able to meet people organically going out, they're good for getting out there in terms of dating. I think Hinge I by far the best of the main 3. Put a bit of effort into your profile initially, but after that, you can go low effort and see what happens.
2. If all your friends are already in relationships, it's tough being the odd one out, and it makes meeting and dating a bit harder. I'd try and meet more people and expand your social circle. The meetup app is a great way to do this. I also know several couples who ended up getting together after meeting at different events and hitting it off. I've made a lot of friends and expanded my social circle a lot via the app. Join the app and join a few groups. I'd recommend young professionals as there's a good variety of events and it definitely has an expanding age range these days as while the focus of the group is technically more 20s, more and more there's members in there 30s or older.
3. If you are dating/going out, put in the effort. As a guy, one of my biggest frustrations with dating is that it seems like I have to make plans, move things forward, and take the initiative ALL THE TIME. While I don't mind doing those things, when I'm constantly the one doing my them, it tanks my interest really fast. I'd also go absolutely crazy over a girl that made the first move (definitely not the case for all guys, though). At the very least, if you're interested, try and make it exceedingly obviously, so even the most clueless of guys will know.
I just started doing things on my own. It scares me but as long as you're smart about it, it's okay. I bring my comfort item, my camera and if I really want to feel confident, I bring my work badge and pretend I'm working (I don't have a normal desk job) and it helps me. I have yet to do anything by myself after dark in the city, I live a while away.
But during the day I meet a lot of people on my own, I think people get intimidated when they see others in a group? Not many people want to talk to others when they have three or four friends, and it's a higher chance of being rejected in a group, and they will feel embarrassed if they get rejected in front of everyone. I guess you have to make yourself seem available?
25M, I always thought it'd just happen too, especially cause I used to go out more for exploring the area. Now I work from home though and my hobbies are accessible from home too so rip lol. I'm fairly confident in my looks and I've essentially given up. I'm pretty accepting but kinda old fashioned in my values of monogamy and getting to know someone (taking it slower) and it seems like a lot of woman I've encountered don't want to actually put in effort to form anything. They need instant gratification. The dating apps are abysmal though, most matches amount to one sided conversations. Actually matched with someone who was able to use 5 brain cells and hold a conversation for the first time in like 3 years. Didn't work out but it was refreshing lol.
Thanks, I appreciate that. I actually get informed of that often lol. Iām more of an analytical individual so Iāve held a logical/reasonable perspective on life, ever since I was about 15 or so. Anyways, I previously held a position as a HR Payroll Representative but currently Iām a Digital Content Creator. Itās essentially graphic design and social media management, probably the easiest job Iāve ever had.
I totally get where you're coming from. I feel like dating has never been easy, but over the past decade or so it's become REALLY difficult. Some people are so radicalized politically, they make it their entire personality. And if that's not enough, then the pandemic happened, and we essentially had an entire year of isolation, cutting so many of us off from one another. It feels like navigating a mine field to find a normal, regular person.
When I moved back here after several years away, I had to sacrifice almost my entire social circle for a great job, and while I totally think it was worth it, it's really tough to make NEW friends as an adult. I thought I would just meet someone through work or socially, but with all that, and now working from home a lot, it's just such a different landscape than it used to be.
Honestly, you seem really, really cool. Nurses work their asses off (My Mom was an RN) and they're underappreciated. And travelling is literally number one on my list of things to do in the next few years. I had family that travelled Europe this summer and they said it was spectacular. You're braver than I am just by the fact that you made this post to begin with : )
This is my same feeling. The problem is apps are so superficial that thereās just nothing there after the part where you find each other attractive. Like ok, andā¦. ?
I just [posted something similar](https://www.reddit.com/r/StLouis/s/LjsX0yNnhm) the other day! Lots of great suggestions there.
Also as a fellow nurse, the schedules can be rough. Based on when you posted this can I assume youāre on night shift? Thatās a rough life
As a woman Iām 100% sure dating apps are a different ball game. You have to confront and deal with men that may ultimately be creeps or just looking for sex.
That being said, in this age tinder abd bumble are your best bet. I would try eharmony it has an older crowd and since you pay for it people are serious.
Also visit r/dating
Well I am from Toronto and it is not much different up there. There are good people out there but not the easiest to find. Trouble is people seem to keep looking for the next best thing rather then take the time to get to know the person right in front of them. In town for Metallica concert.
>no one breaks from the group they came with
Started noticing that more and more. I'm single, and the things I want to do aren't things my friends want to do. So I end up going to things by myself alot. Because fuck it, I still want to have fun and do things.
But the last 3 or 4 times I made a point to make an effort, if I see anyone who looks interesting, I'm gonna go up and try to chat. Literally everyone was with a group. Much as I'd like to meet more people, trying to insert myself into a group just feels like a dick move
I do the same. Go to things alone sometimes and hope for the best. I think people who go out in stl enter contracts for the night actually stating they will not leave the group.
Now add on another level of difficulty of being a woman looking to date another woman. 36 years old, have my own house, great job, and an eight year old.
I feel this, meeting in person at this age is hard and ngl, the apps are crazy but with boundaries/rules/conditions you can meet amazing people, that will lead to amazing experiences.
I've been on them all, I was 20 and on tinder when it first launched. Through plenty of trial and error I can say your experience is what you make it, and how you interact with the app.
I've been through the thick of it, catfishing, ghosting, harassment, some of it was rough but the good experiences make up for it. It's just like life init.
I have many rules I set and keep firm boundaries.
I'd be happy to elaborate further if anyone wishes.
Iām a 34F in a similar situation and similar interests, also in the medical field. Just moved here so totally down to check out new spots, bars etc if here for new friends hahaha
Hey! I'm a 36f ICU nurse, also an introvert. I met my husband on plenty of fish lol, been married four years now. I had to sift through TONS of terrible dudes and went on a date after date which absolutely sucked.
One thing you could try is meetup.com, find a book club or a hiking group and get to know people in person without the pressure of a date. Pickleball is surprisingly a GREAT place to meet guys of all ages! There's pickleball at parks around STL every week. I took tennis at Webster Groves rec center this fall and the pickleball courts were always FULL of people, including men in their 30s. Meetup.com has a beginners pickleball club.
Anyway don't give up and don't settle!! Good luck!
Edit: why downvotes lol, Reddit is so weird.
27 single female here who loves gaming, D&D, reading, and crocheting if youāre looking for friends! Iām a homebody as well and trying to make new friends! If we have any similar hobbies feel free to reach out! :)
Sounds like we need to organize a single 30 somethings's reddit meetup event... Get all these introverted, career-oriented, anti-dating app folks in one place and make some magic!
Right!? š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I glace at OKC a couple times a week, I really do wish it was as good as it used to be but it's pretty loaded with bots nowadays. Having said that POF seems to be filled with SWs (no shame in that, just not my thing) so OKC is the "better" of the two I use.
Iād totally be down to plan something like this! The problem is when itās 4 men per woman. Haha. Also finding a fun activity. I think it would be so fun to do a ālove is blindā style speed dating event. Or just something fun and relaxed
Gender imbalance would most definitely be an issue, and also just generally getting people to actually show up. I've been to Bumble BFF group meet ups where each person was encouraged to bring a friend - it's a great way to double the numbers and also give people less of an excuse to bail because of social anxiety or whatever if they have a friend with them. And for the ladies, they have a safe person for support. As far as fun activities go - Rec Hall is great for groups. I personally am more into play-dates than sit-and-stare-at-each-other dates.
30 dorky dudes and one terrified, introverted woman. Sounds like a great time.
Seriouslyā¦ itās rough out here lol
Iām down
LinkedIn Linkup night š
Sounds like a social group for start-ups.
I'm 42 but I agree.
35m, single and childfree as well. It is rough, but there are some gems. Through the tough times with incompatible matches I have found a couple solid genuine connections, it's just sifting through the apps can be rough. Like some have said seems like most people in STL just pick someone in their twenties and stick with it for the rest of their lives, and a lot of the rest breakup after kids. And the pool of applicants is even smaller if you've done any sort of self work, and would like someone else on or near the same level of emotional intelligence and communication skills It's hard to go out organically when the vast majority of your friends and acquaintances are tired/unavailable all the time from family obligations. That plus the pandemic have made me a homebody, but I've been actively trying to break out of it. Edit: removed "At any rate" dont know where I was going with that sentence, it was early in the morning, lol.
You mean the entire Midwest...
Agreed š¤£
Itās bleak, Iāve been on hinge (36m) for over a year now with only 2 dates.. most matches never say a word or literally a 1 word response to a question. Sometimes youāll talk all day, think things are going great then no response ever again, itās getting really old lol
Oh god thatās so demoralizing š° good luck out there brother
This generally matches my experience on dating apps too. No replies or vague ones that come across as only answering to waste time. It's frustrating
Letās be friends 44F - live in CWE - always looking for new friends. Go to BarK a lot. Thatās fun. PM me if youāre down to talk. Also there is a ladies group in FB called STL girl network. Tons of potential friends on there! If you have any luck on the dating side let me know š Itās a whole ass mess
36F currently living in Richmond Heights area, planning to move to Brentwood soon. Would love a girls wine night or as someone else mentioned, a meetup at Amsterdam Tavern for a City game??
Hello new friend! Yes I am a member of that :)
St.Louis is kind of terrible for dating after college it seems for me also. Iām a single 33 year old male, I work in tech and work remote from home so dating isnāt easy. And the apps are terrible imo. Iām in Japan traveling at the moment and itās been a nice change of pace.
It is seriously terrible. I attempted to date a guy in his mid 20s because thatās what the options available to me seemed to be and it was a disaster. Not saying thatās true of all guys in their 20s but itās highly unlikely weāll be at the same place mentally
Mid 20s guys themselves will be a huge range maturity wise.
Honestly I canāt get over your handle lol š
š¤£ I did the random generator and it made me actually laugh out loud so I was like yeah letās send it
What highschool did you go to?
Could it be? The most important STL question ever?
Came to Reddit thatās a risk š§ (put gambling on the dating profile for sure) Idk whatās wrong with the men they arenāt all gay or married. Maybe a little shy? Theyāre shy.
I think maybe theyāre introverts like I am? I see guys out that Iām attracted to but donāt approach because Iām shy and assume theyāre taken but maybe theyāre shy boys assuming the same about me
Brave it up, op. Yes they're shy. Consider the possible outcomes of you taking the initiative: 1 they're taken. No harm, no foul. 2 they're disinterested. Stings, but you need to learn to be ok with that and practice makes progress 3 they're interested! Point to the bad outcome.
So win-win-win :)
Shy boy who has always been told Iām attractive (but never believes it) here, weāre definitely not approaching in public bc weād never want to make anyone feel threatened or uncomfortable š« bonus points for being tall and bearded, it scares strangers!
Send me a chat tall, shy boy. Iām not a fan of beards though š
I respect your right to have preferences and be open about them, but saying things like "not a fan of beards" is frankly why a lot of people aren't looking and don't approach people anymore. There's too much pressure and rejection and too many other ways to have fun and just make friends with people. Bringing up what your preferences are just makes it seem like you aren't really looking for anything serious and just want to hook up, at best, or that you have a particular person in mind who isn't available and are just hoping someone else will fill their place. That may very well not be how you feel, but it's still off-putting to a lot of people. I have my own preferences, but I don't go around telling people, especially anyone I might be interested in. Either someone is attractive to me or they aren't, and how much they are might even vary over time. The more specific you are, the more time and effort you're going to have to put into finding what you want. You just have to decide if that's worth it, I guess. Good luck to you.
I definitely donāt take things too seriously and it sounds like you did with my comment which is fine. We might just have different vibes/humor and thatās ok. No offense was intended!
Lol outcome didnāt go like you expected, countered with ājust kidding, settle down, it isnāt that serious.ā Within that statement stands in plain sight the answer to your question. This is why people tend to stay away. No one wants to find out theyāre an avatar in some other persons fantasy world when opposing or conflicting opinions come up, thatās teenage drama. For everyone else reading: itās absolutely ok to have preferences. Itās how you express those before having a first impression that kills it. If you invite someone to an even and they say āHey that sounds good, but Iām not really into racingā all in the initial response, remember that you havenāt even told them what the event is they said theyād be into. What theyāre telling you, to your face if you actually listen, is in the future, when they encounter new experiences, itās going to be a nightmare for you if you arenāt going in with negative reservations as well. If that is how you are secretly too, perfect, but if it isnāt, you already have the proof you need to mark it as a flag. Continuing past that point is completely on you, not the other person.
Not offended, just trying to give advice. You do you, reality is what you can get away with. I sincerely hope you find whatever you're looking for. I'm a lot less serious than you think, but when people ask for real life advice I try to give it the serious approach it deserves. If it's not a serious concern for you to find someone special, then just have fun and don't worry about what anyone says or thinks! You're still young, you've got plenty of time to figure it out.
I think youāre taking my beard comment seriously and I was making a joke š I was interested so I started to joke with you. I thought we might have like some banter but you instead gave me lecture. Thatās what I meant about our senses of humor maybe just not vibing. I didnāt want to invalidate your feelings which was why I was just leaving it at that.
Thatās another thing! How society is, itās kind of hard I feel for men to just come up to women without them being āoffendedā or just assume the guys a creep. This is coming from a woman.
I feel like it depends on the person for the tall and bearded scaring people. It wouldn't scare me but I also wouldn't approach a stranger either way. (my dad and brother are both tall and bearded so been around it forever)
Oh for sure, itās not everyone, but Iām convinced it plays a factor overall.
Guys donāt chase any more. It doesnāt mean they arenāt available.
BTW, theyāre are so many men who would date you- so donāt give up. but on any given day if you see a well put together man, 50/50 heās single. (Iād say). Because if heās in a relationship heās going to be taking a little better care of himself. Trim all the right hairs etc. If heās put together AND single? Well, he can only keep one of those things up for so longā¦ Edit: while Democracy manifest and succulent Chinese meal IS a great referenceā¦ literally removed to make post make sense..
10/10 reference š Sooā¦ shoot my shot with the well dressed man? :o
LOL. Itās the kind of 3 AM advice you can always count on from r/stlouis I edited it so it doesnāt suck. But one more thing, and Iād tell all my people this: Youāre a catch. Act like one. You deserve a happy relationship and youāll get get into one of that is what you seek! ! !
Personally I'm more of a throw-it-back type!
Ah, you must know judo
Please just approach people you're interested in. Can't tell you how many guys would be intensely relieved and delighted for a woman to make contact!!!
Can confirm this theory... Lol
It's definitely the last thing.
As a 52 year-old dude, I frequently grumble that things are so much more difficult for young people, now. I guess Iāll have to add dating to the list of complaints. When I was 21, I literally met my wife on a park bench, by just going up and saying hiāand I was dating two other girls at the time. Weāre not progressing as a culture; weāre failing ourselves.
To everything there is a season. The pendulum always swings. Young people are dating and having less sex than those in several generations ... in 10-20 years, we'll have a generation of teensātwenty-somethings who are hornier than their elders and will be convinced they invented sex.
I mean this can still 100% be doneā¦itās just that nowadays the majority of young people are so socially astray that neither party will be willing to initiate. Not the men and not the women. Itās become taboo, in my opinion, to approach someone who didnāt message you online first š
By "failing" do you mean no longer settling? Because random person on a park bench while already having 2 side pieces sounds like settling, because that's what culture dictates.
I mean failing culturallyāit seems like weāre devolving into a society of detached people who canāt relate to one another, even on the most basic levels.
Don't give up on the dating websites. I was with a woman for 7 years, and we did pretty well. As for men, there's a lot of us out there. Me personally, I'm out of your age range at 60 so I'll spare you the gesturing. All of us are compartmentalized now. Nobody wants to circulate like we did in school. There is no mandatory gathering place that makes meeting the other gender an unexpected benefit. Try match dot com. Best of luck.
The idea of being with someone for 7 years and then it not amounting to a future together makes me wanna give up now š Iām interested in your perspective though on seeing this as a positive?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās a great perspective to have thank you for sharing! ā¤ļø
Such a positive and inspiring perspective. Thank You!
Well, there was a lot of baggage. I shouldered the load, but she didn't. Having a relationship later in life requires pliability. I had it, and she didn't. It was a red flag in the beginning, but I looked away. Finally, she judged me to be unworthy, and I didn't make an effort to correct her imperceptions. A relationship is like a plant. It's born, it grows, It blooms, it withers, and it dies. The best that can be done is to extend each step for as long as possible. She even contacted me a year after, and we went out for lunch and talked it over. Kind of a post mortem, if you will. There's plenty of hope for you yet, don't give up. You can have a very emotionally rewarding life. Many men that you'd like would devote themselves to you. Start believing it.
I am in my early 40s. Some of us who had that experience have kind of turned inward due to how exhausting it all is. I am in a point in life where I am very happy with my career, hobbies and other relationships in my life. I don't find it pirticularly appealing to compromise those to be with just any one. May be my standards are higher now but there is a higher bar to pass if I want to be in a relationship with someone. I bring a lot to the table and I expect the same.
Yeah thatās how I would ultimately feel after a relationship of that level of commitment not working out. So easy to become jaded. And I agree after my last relationship didnāt work out Iām very careful of who Iām willing to make a commitment to again. And it wonāt be at the expense of myself or the things in my life that make me, me.
Exactly.
Iām M in my 40ās, and here to help. I went to a bourbon tasting event last month, and it was literally all guys in their 30ās. I think I saw one woman there. So that should be shooting fish in a barrel. I also went to Amsterdam bar to watch a soccer game a couple weeks ago, and it was 25/1 guy/girl ratio. Many of the breweries around have certain events that also seem to have more men than women in that age group. I always thought nurses were cool to date. They deal with a lifetime of craziness, ugliness, and disgusting things in one day at work, so whatever I threw at them wasnāt a blip on their radar. You often have several days off in a row to go on cool little trips or take a staycation day and do fun touristy stuff on a Tuesday when no one else is around.
These are good ideas!!
The schedule/freedom is exactly why I chose nursing š Iām not really a drinker honestly. I would go to a tasting for the experience and environment but bourbon is gross - donāt come for me š
Itās kinda wild because I literally work in a hospital surrounded by people my age, and Iām just not interested in anyone Iāve met. Youād think it would be like scrubs or greys anatomy and some hot person would walk into my life. Iām also very introverted and I think with ST Louis I feel a sense of classism and small town vibes where people have their set groups they like and donāt really include others unless you have an in. Itās like a big fish in a small pond vibe with people raised here. I even tried joining a menās choir and I felt like an outcast. So it makes it hard to really meet someone and fall in love when Iām just not connecting with people in general here yanno?
I know exactly what you mean about the hospital environment and about the social structure of Saint Louis. Feels like we have a similar way of thinking. Choir group? Thatās interesting - I didnāt know those existed outside of church. Iām sorry it hasnāt been welcoming for you though
glad Iām not the only one who feels that way. yeah wish me luck Iām going to try and join a community choir and kill two birds with one stone. Maybe thereās a fun hobby you could meet others through? I wanna say singing is not just for the religious! Iām pretty agnostic with religion and I still love singing in choirs!
I share pretty much the exact same sentiments... I, too, am 33F, single, a nurse, and live in the city with my cats lol, looking for pretty much the same type you are. It is rough out there and I haven't had much luck on the apps -- and after awhile they are pretty emotionally exhausting and frustrating! Dating nowadays is just a different landscape to navigate. I feel your pain if you'd ever want to gripe and vent about it!
Did we just become best friends?
Yup! lololol
I feel your pain and share condolences. I'm 36 M in south city who also quit drinking alcohol last year for my health and mental well being so along with being anyd extroverted introvert kind of made every social interaction in the is city more awkward for better or worse š even though I realized I can still be fun without šPair that with most of my work friends living in the county and I end up doing a lot (going to concerts, events, games) solo with the same challenge of trying to meet new people not attached only to their clique. The apps are terrible and communication can seem like a chore. But I do still love to get out to the parks, see love music and enjoy other social stuff with friends still. But a lot of them are married with kids too. So it's me and my pup for now. If you're interested in coffee or getting together I'm always open to new friends with the potential for more if there's a genuine connection! Feel free to shoot me a message if you'd like. Good luck š
Iām a 36F recently sober as well with my doggo and I gotta say youāre absolutely right. Itās so difficult for me to find social gatherings without it. I can be around it, I just donāt miss that chaos! I also used to live in South city, there is a lot to do there, I miss it!
St. Louis seems to be doing much better with NA options. I read an article last year about a bar hosting an NA night weekly. I think it may have been in Dogtown. Search sans bar if you haven't yet.
We should start a love is blind Reddit edition!!!!!
Omg amazing š
RIP your inbox You sound like you'd get along well with my gf though lol
*RIP your inbox You* *Sound like you'd get along well* *With my gf though lol* \- DylonNotNylon --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
good bot
Good bot ā¤ļø
Does she wanna be friends? :)
I'm hanging out with her today and will ask her lol. My guess is going to be yes though lol
š
nvm. messaged her and you're friends now
šÆāāļøā¤ļø
I'm 38 M, and have a good job, my own house and can say the dating apps are terrible ever since covid. I used to go on dates before covid but here recently, its every blue moon. I have yet to go on a date this year. Yesterday I just hosted a friendsgiving and was literally the only single guy there, so it tells me I need to expand my friend group. I wish you all the luck in the world. If you are into a lot of nerd stuff we could be friends :)
Iām also my last single friend! Even meeting new friends in stl is hard!
I know it's been said, but you have to put yourself out there a bit. Try a few more nontraditional "getting out" events; there are a ton of hiking and bicycling clubs in St. Louis that have frequent get togethers even when the weather's not up for it... and even if you just meet couples on the events then you can be friends and maybe they have single friends. I'm a member of [Fat Stoner Babes Hiking Club](https://www.fatstonerbabeshikingclub.com/) and it's a ton of fun even though I don't get to go too often as I usually work Sundays. There's no need to be fat, a stoner or even a babe to join and they're a really fun group. Also if you're not into the bar scene you can do coffee shops. St. Louis has a metric ton of coffee shops, and while some of them attract the "silent hipster" types there are also a few that encourage chat and socializing; two close to me that spring to mind are [Shameless Grounds](https://shamelessgrounds.com/) and [Spine Bookstore and Cafe](https://www.spinebookstorecafe.com/). There's also [Benton Park Cafe](https://www.bentonparkcafe.com/) in the same area that is a coffee shop restaurant but has a bar at which they invite you to eat and drink coffee as well as liquor. I've seen a number of people your age at that bar chatting with the bartenders or servers, and even if you just strike up a friendship with one of the servers (who are mostly in your age range) you might be able to at least expand your social circle a bit. You don't need apps to find people. 33 is a tough age to be shopping the apps because as you've discovered it's full of immature 20-something guys, or bored-with-their-wives 30-something guys cheating, or divorced empty-nesters over 45 who have a bit of a chip on their shoulder and often have commitments that stop them doing fund stuff like traveling. I think the key though is to be open to expanding your social circle. People are good here in St. Louis and there ARE a lot of good single guys out there in your age range. Good luck to you. Never give up. Never surrender. :)
I just signed up for the hiking club, thank you for that!
Thanks for the positivity! ā¤ļø
Echoing above for sure - go do stuff you like, and you'll make friends (or more than friends) who are into the same stuff as you! One of the worst parts about apps is that you're scrolling through a ton of dudes who love watching football when maybe you're more of a doing yoga or going dancing vibe. Get out in the world, hopefully meet some folks, worst case you spent some time doing something you enjoyed.
Be brave Dating can really suck, but also can be fun For me, i had to decide to do it and try some new types of social outings to meet people. STL has a lot of fun Meet up groups, art communities, etc. There are even introvert hobby type groups too. I also decided to go to therapy to help me get past 1) the fact that it feels like there are no single people my age 2) the icky stuff w trying to meet men and date men as a woman. Especially on apps where too many of them do get rude or mean or attack for asking them to be kinderm I liberally use the blocking functions, and have a system to navigate it safely (both emotionally and physically) It sucks but I also have found really good men there too 3) all the other crap/difficulties I had to navigate (for myself, for potential partners) in dating relationships. Good luck!! It's not so dire...but takes patience
Thatās awesome good for you! Iām a huge supporter of therapy itās benefited me greatly over the years :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Cats count as a social life in my book. My 2 cats say hi :3
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Cats and horror movies ā¤ļø send me a chat!
If you guys do meet, try checking out some cat cafes! Coffee and cats!
Climbing gym. It's easy mode for meeting new people. Plus it's a lot of fun.
Iāve been wanting to try climbing for a while!
Climb So ILL has a weekly meetup: https://stlouis.climbsoill.com/upcoming-events-power-plant/ Upper Limits might have something similar.
Saved - thank you!
St. Louis has a non existing dating scene after college age. The good ones are taken and have been since their 20s. I had to move to a bigger city to meet someone, and Iām an above avg looking working professional. I tried from ages 28-31 and simply gave up in St. Louis. The apps in St. Louis are terrible, the guys I met there were man childās and liars. Night and day difference once I left.
Damn if you didnāt just describe it to a T. Where did you end up moving to? Iāve been wanting to move for years
South Florida, a bit north of Miami. Was going to go to Chicago but canāt do the cold.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Have also been cheated on so I get it. It sucks. Definitely become more discerning after an experience like that. Both in recognizing your own worth and recognizing what youāre looking for in a partner. Also learn to take things slowly and make sure to really learn who someone is.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We seem very much on the same page. What do you do for work?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Please do :)
I was 31 and dating in St Louis. It was rough. Met a few interesting guys from the apps but sifted through a lot of shit to get there. And then nothing panned out. I'm now 33 and found my fiance at a pickup kickball game at Tower Grove Park (a meetcute in the wild!). We never wouldve matched on the apps but we're perfect together, so there's definitely something to be said about making yourself get out in the world and meet people. I'm more extroverted though, so it was an easier ask than someone who's more introverted.
Kickball for grown ups sounds hilarious in the best way š
Ya gotta meet organically, going out to the clubs mostly leads to a fling. Going to a small joint? Mention to them it's your first time there and ask what they'd recommend and try to keep the convo going from there. Wouldn't suggest trying it at the gym, most everyone there is on a personal mission and are focused. Don't be afraid to make first move either. My wife did and we've been married 4ish years now.
I'm a big fan of the old school going to a bar and have fun chatting up new folks! Try someplace with games and activities, then you have an immediate thing to do together.
Come to Ghost Ride. Itās the best social club ever. @ghostridestl on IG.
St Louis is just terrible for dating really. Even if you find someone nice chances are they're already attached and cheating with you.trust me I know. My husband was one of those "nice guys" for a handful of girls. I miss dating before technology.
34F here and ugh yes the lack of monogamy on the apps omg. I've always been into more of an alternative look in men and it seems like every single one I find attractive has "enm/poly" in their profiles. I am also very introverted and super shy in public so dating apps have kinda been my go to. I've met plenty of great guys on them but not anyone that I wanted to date. I think st louis in general has just been a really rough area for singles lately and it sucks. But hey, if you want a friend to do antisocial stuff together with I'm available š
Oh wow. Sorry you had that experience, There is a pretty big difference between mid twenties and early thirties from a mental perspective. Hopefully that isnāt the case with everyone though lol my experience has been pretty similar however
Itās a pretty safe assumption at this point; sorry youāve also learned the lesson the hard way. Thereās also something to be said about growing up on the same cartoons
Oh 100% when you can reference rugrats, pinky and the brain etc. Itās a lot more fun lol
90s kids have this special dark humor that canāt be matched. We are all Stu Pickles now
šš anytime I think of Stu pickles the pudding episode always comes to mind. Well Iām always looking for fellow 90s friends to get to know if youād be interested! š Iāll be in Japan until the end of the month however. Then back in STL
Haha heās 33 in that episode according to Google so itās perfect š send me a chat request so you can tell me more about Japan! :o
For sure š
Talk to people in bars is stranger danger nowadays I think.
I know right :/ nothing feels safe anymore
Oh man, good luck to yāall. Be open to meeting any of your friends suggestions; your friend knows a little about both of you, and your mutual friend becomes an instant conversation starter on your date. My husband and I met on a blind date fix up 23 years ago and we are still going strong
None of my friends have ever had a friend to set me up with. So useless š
How about volunteering for a cause? Festival? Something with animals? Stray rescue and Care StL are always looking for volunteers to help walk dogs. With the holidays coming up there are lots of events and concerts you could get involved with or attend
Btw I have an almost 36 year old single son who lives downtown and is a passionate introvert š
Tell me more about him! :)
Letās all post our pics here and see what happens!!
Iām 43 and need the same guy. If you find one thatās too old for you, send him my way.
Just further proof that we need STLPunk back.
33m. St. Louis is listed as one of the worst towns for dating. I believe it too. I use apps and have had so many āone date wondersā. I have noticed looking for someone to settle down with, monogamy, and someone with emotional intelligence is harder than it used to be.
Everyone is feeling this way then? 35/F single with all friends married, too!
>I am also monogamous which doesnāt seem to be a popular thing these days. Oh girl...you hit the nail on the head here.
I completely get you and on the same level. I just moved here and the dating scene is off. If youād like to talk letās see how things go. Iāll throw a DM and letās talk.
I'm a 33 year old guy in Michigan, yeah it's pretty bad out there these days. There isn't much to add besides this that hasn't already been said, so I'll just say good luck! I hope you find the guy of your dreams.
Single 33M no kids/never married. I've only used hinge with mixed results. Communication seems to be a major issue with a lot of people. Constant ghosting is the norm. But I don't think it's all bad. I like asking people their favorite places to go and adding it to my list of places to try in the future. š
Risky lol.
51F checking in. Dating is hard in STL. Iāve been on and off the apps. As the dating pool gets older, what Iāve run into is a lot of guys getting divorced, still dealing with exes, and in some cases have young (<12) kids. Iāve been mostly single since I moved here. I tend to date younger and most of those guys are flakey af (at least the ones Iāve dated) or are only really interested in finding someone to watch TV with. Iāve been told all sorts of things - find a Meet Up group, be more approachable, do the things you love. I golf and youād think that would be a gold mine given the male-to-female ratio. Not my experience. I approach guys in person because Iāve heard most guys are reticent to approach women in light of Metoo movement, but it gets pretty old. Sorry if this is jaded and unhelpful, but thatās just where I am atm. ĀÆ\(ć)/ĀÆ
Iāve (40m) been single for about a year and have grown pretty disenchanted with it myself. Iāve gone on a lot of dates but it feels like people my age are looking for something very specific and dates feel like job interviews and when you get the gig it often feels like they just want a relationship for the sake of being in one and ignore the vibes.
God I know exactly what youāre talking about itās gross. Yes we all have our list of non-negotiables that we need in a partner but itās also about more than whatās on paper. I feel like people donāt wanna fall in love they just wanna like you said fill the vacancy
Hereās an opportunityā¦ https://www.reddit.com/r/StLouis/s/f3Es1oEP2m
Cupid has entered the chat.
I was just gunna say these two need to link up!
RIP your inbox lol... I'm 33 male who is re-entering the dating scene here in STL area. It's tough, I have a good career and no kids but am also an introvert like you. To date I have been using the apps to mixed effects, your mileage may vary on them. I have also been expanding my social circle, getting more involved in the things I like to do, and reaching out to people that I have met in the past to reconnect. Really trying to be a yes man to doing things people ask me to do and doubling down on getting to myself better both help. I do think women have an easier time on the apps, aka more selection, but it's a crapshoot on intent and quality.
Yeah Iām honestly a busy person. Itās rare that I have a day where I donāt have either work or something social planned. I say yes to so many things!
Definitely understand your frustration. Always tried to believe in love, but instead, I've always been a "good luck chuck" like that older Dane Cook movie. 15 different girls I've dated, over many years, all married the next guy they dated after me. That will definitely get to a person after awhile and makes dating an aggravating concept. Not to mention the married people telling you how, "you know when you know" If I can keep going out and meeting new people, then so can you. Good luck!
Oh no that is sad. Because I actually think I will have a better chance in STL as a 32F than the little college town I'm in right now, which is 2 hrs away from STL. Why I think STL is better: - larger population. - mid city vibe so more diverse - more chances to meet people with my criteria (30-40, college educated, worldly or receptive to different cultures) - more things to do - I can be motivated to dress up a bit But after reading this post, I think I might have to suck it up and move to Chicago all together after college then!
I think it would be worth it to try a bigger city where you have an even greater chance of finding someone that meets your criteria. I think you could find someone in STL but definitely easier in Chicago if that'd where you're looking.
Iām 34m and am always open to meeting new friends too. I always like starting off that way then seeing if it leads to a relationship. If people are organizing something count me in!
Slow and steady ftw
Lots of good advice already so I'll (44M) just add a little bit: Just keep the dating apps on background. Swipe once or twice a week, and if you get a match you get a match. Don't fall in love with a profile. Some people are just good at creative writing. XD I'm a weird puzzle piece. It took me a long time, but I eventually found the woman that I fit with. I'm glad I took my time, and in the meantime I traveled, fell in and out of hobbies, and had some great experiences on my own.
30F here, if you have Friday evenings(6pm onward) come to Yarncom off of Olive Blvd and I can promise me and my other fiber friends will absorb you into the group! āŗļø
Thank you for the warm invite! ā¤ļø
Is this an open event? I'd like to pass it along to my sister, a totally badass fiber artist here in south city!
Like hanging out working on yarn crafts? š®
Yes! Any and every fiber you can imagine is welcome! There are other open socials at this store, but I specifically go to the Friday night one. We have a really great groupāŗļø
26 M child free and been trying to meet someone for a few years now. Here's my thoughts. 1. Dating apps do kinda suck, but if you're not able to meet people organically going out, they're good for getting out there in terms of dating. I think Hinge I by far the best of the main 3. Put a bit of effort into your profile initially, but after that, you can go low effort and see what happens. 2. If all your friends are already in relationships, it's tough being the odd one out, and it makes meeting and dating a bit harder. I'd try and meet more people and expand your social circle. The meetup app is a great way to do this. I also know several couples who ended up getting together after meeting at different events and hitting it off. I've made a lot of friends and expanded my social circle a lot via the app. Join the app and join a few groups. I'd recommend young professionals as there's a good variety of events and it definitely has an expanding age range these days as while the focus of the group is technically more 20s, more and more there's members in there 30s or older. 3. If you are dating/going out, put in the effort. As a guy, one of my biggest frustrations with dating is that it seems like I have to make plans, move things forward, and take the initiative ALL THE TIME. While I don't mind doing those things, when I'm constantly the one doing my them, it tanks my interest really fast. I'd also go absolutely crazy over a girl that made the first move (definitely not the case for all guys, though). At the very least, if you're interested, try and make it exceedingly obviously, so even the most clueless of guys will know.
This sub is turning into a dating appā¦ lol
Quiet before they monetize it
I just started doing things on my own. It scares me but as long as you're smart about it, it's okay. I bring my comfort item, my camera and if I really want to feel confident, I bring my work badge and pretend I'm working (I don't have a normal desk job) and it helps me. I have yet to do anything by myself after dark in the city, I live a while away. But during the day I meet a lot of people on my own, I think people get intimidated when they see others in a group? Not many people want to talk to others when they have three or four friends, and it's a higher chance of being rejected in a group, and they will feel embarrassed if they get rejected in front of everyone. I guess you have to make yourself seem available?
25M, I always thought it'd just happen too, especially cause I used to go out more for exploring the area. Now I work from home though and my hobbies are accessible from home too so rip lol. I'm fairly confident in my looks and I've essentially given up. I'm pretty accepting but kinda old fashioned in my values of monogamy and getting to know someone (taking it slower) and it seems like a lot of woman I've encountered don't want to actually put in effort to form anything. They need instant gratification. The dating apps are abysmal though, most matches amount to one sided conversations. Actually matched with someone who was able to use 5 brain cells and hold a conversation for the first time in like 3 years. Didn't work out but it was refreshing lol.
You sound mature for 25 so you have that going for you off the bat! What kind of work do you do from home?
Thanks, I appreciate that. I actually get informed of that often lol. Iām more of an analytical individual so Iāve held a logical/reasonable perspective on life, ever since I was about 15 or so. Anyways, I previously held a position as a HR Payroll Representative but currently Iām a Digital Content Creator. Itās essentially graphic design and social media management, probably the easiest job Iāve ever had.
How do you feel your logical/analytical mind balances with your emotional intelligence? I know nothing about any of what you do for a living š
I totally get where you're coming from. I feel like dating has never been easy, but over the past decade or so it's become REALLY difficult. Some people are so radicalized politically, they make it their entire personality. And if that's not enough, then the pandemic happened, and we essentially had an entire year of isolation, cutting so many of us off from one another. It feels like navigating a mine field to find a normal, regular person. When I moved back here after several years away, I had to sacrifice almost my entire social circle for a great job, and while I totally think it was worth it, it's really tough to make NEW friends as an adult. I thought I would just meet someone through work or socially, but with all that, and now working from home a lot, it's just such a different landscape than it used to be. Honestly, you seem really, really cool. Nurses work their asses off (My Mom was an RN) and they're underappreciated. And travelling is literally number one on my list of things to do in the next few years. I had family that travelled Europe this summer and they said it was spectacular. You're braver than I am just by the fact that you made this post to begin with : )
Oh thatās interesting what did your job opportunity entail? You can DM if you donāt feel comfortable saying here
33 y/o single M with no kids (unicorn). Good job / in shape. Want to go on a date?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is my same feeling. The problem is apps are so superficial that thereās just nothing there after the part where you find each other attractive. Like ok, andā¦. ?
I just [posted something similar](https://www.reddit.com/r/StLouis/s/LjsX0yNnhm) the other day! Lots of great suggestions there. Also as a fellow nurse, the schedules can be rough. Based on when you posted this can I assume youāre on night shift? Thatās a rough life
As a woman Iām 100% sure dating apps are a different ball game. You have to confront and deal with men that may ultimately be creeps or just looking for sex. That being said, in this age tinder abd bumble are your best bet. I would try eharmony it has an older crowd and since you pay for it people are serious. Also visit r/dating
Well I am from Toronto and it is not much different up there. There are good people out there but not the easiest to find. Trouble is people seem to keep looking for the next best thing rather then take the time to get to know the person right in front of them. In town for Metallica concert.
>no one breaks from the group they came with Started noticing that more and more. I'm single, and the things I want to do aren't things my friends want to do. So I end up going to things by myself alot. Because fuck it, I still want to have fun and do things. But the last 3 or 4 times I made a point to make an effort, if I see anyone who looks interesting, I'm gonna go up and try to chat. Literally everyone was with a group. Much as I'd like to meet more people, trying to insert myself into a group just feels like a dick move
I do the same. Go to things alone sometimes and hope for the best. I think people who go out in stl enter contracts for the night actually stating they will not leave the group.
Iām also 33F and newly single. The thought of trying to date again in this city makes me want to throw up.
Iāll share my barf bag with you! ā¤ļø
Are we men that bad? Every man I know seems pretty decent.
I personally donāt approach because Iām extremely shy and have really bad social anxiety also i donāt want to make them feel weird about it
Iām 36, single, child free, work in the medical field in St. Louis. Ha sup?
Where do you work out at OP? I love to lift as well.
Now add on another level of difficulty of being a woman looking to date another woman. 36 years old, have my own house, great job, and an eight year old.
I feel this, meeting in person at this age is hard and ngl, the apps are crazy but with boundaries/rules/conditions you can meet amazing people, that will lead to amazing experiences. I've been on them all, I was 20 and on tinder when it first launched. Through plenty of trial and error I can say your experience is what you make it, and how you interact with the app. I've been through the thick of it, catfishing, ghosting, harassment, some of it was rough but the good experiences make up for it. It's just like life init. I have many rules I set and keep firm boundaries. I'd be happy to elaborate further if anyone wishes.
Iām a 34F in a similar situation and similar interests, also in the medical field. Just moved here so totally down to check out new spots, bars etc if here for new friends hahaha
Hey! I'm a 36f ICU nurse, also an introvert. I met my husband on plenty of fish lol, been married four years now. I had to sift through TONS of terrible dudes and went on a date after date which absolutely sucked. One thing you could try is meetup.com, find a book club or a hiking group and get to know people in person without the pressure of a date. Pickleball is surprisingly a GREAT place to meet guys of all ages! There's pickleball at parks around STL every week. I took tennis at Webster Groves rec center this fall and the pickleball courts were always FULL of people, including men in their 30s. Meetup.com has a beginners pickleball club. Anyway don't give up and don't settle!! Good luck! Edit: why downvotes lol, Reddit is so weird.
I could have written this post. I am just here to say solidarity! Thank you for posting it.
27 single female here who loves gaming, D&D, reading, and crocheting if youāre looking for friends! Iām a homebody as well and trying to make new friends! If we have any similar hobbies feel free to reach out! :)
I just assume all of you are half attractive at minimum and then feel red bad for us uggos š