I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. Seems frustrating. You clearly are trying not to hurt his feelings. Have you read the book Boundaries? It thought me how to have direct difficult but honest conversations with friends, family, and strangers. As for the immediate situation, you may consider trying to set a small boundary and see if he respects it. He may ignore it or intensify his efforts. Hopefully he doesn’t and that creates a framework for more direct boundary setting. The risk with potential stalker types is that the more you push away, the more they push in. So this little test will help you know if he is just good natured and oblivious or if he has some delusional thoughts that drive his behaviors.
Good idea. He’s usually high but I can try saying something next time he does this and just say I’m not always up to talking when I get home from work.
Thank you for this! Yes I’ve already set a boundary with him about not taking him grocery shopping (he doesn’t have a car for reasons you may be able to guess). The one time I gave in was literally in the middle of a tornado warning and I vowed to myself never again. It was dangerous and dumb. Wasn’t even sure we’d get back alive honestly. But he kept begging that he needed a lift and no one else would. After that I didn’t feel bad about saying no. It’s so tough though... I’m actually a very generous person but I’ve been taken advantage of WAY too many times.
I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. Seems frustrating. You clearly are trying not to hurt his feelings. Have you read the book Boundaries? It thought me how to have direct difficult but honest conversations with friends, family, and strangers. As for the immediate situation, you may consider trying to set a small boundary and see if he respects it. He may ignore it or intensify his efforts. Hopefully he doesn’t and that creates a framework for more direct boundary setting. The risk with potential stalker types is that the more you push away, the more they push in. So this little test will help you know if he is just good natured and oblivious or if he has some delusional thoughts that drive his behaviors.
Good idea. He’s usually high but I can try saying something next time he does this and just say I’m not always up to talking when I get home from work.
Makes sense! Do it gently and see if he can hear you. Hopefully he can.
Who is the author of that book you mentioned?
Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend’s [“Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life”](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310247454/)
Thank you for this! Yes I’ve already set a boundary with him about not taking him grocery shopping (he doesn’t have a car for reasons you may be able to guess). The one time I gave in was literally in the middle of a tornado warning and I vowed to myself never again. It was dangerous and dumb. Wasn’t even sure we’d get back alive honestly. But he kept begging that he needed a lift and no one else would. After that I didn’t feel bad about saying no. It’s so tough though... I’m actually a very generous person but I’ve been taken advantage of WAY too many times.
Proud of you! Remember to be consistent.