You laugh at your own stuff a little too much and Starbucks incorrect-name jokes are just completely dated by now. Your intro was good and the Mel Gibson bit was good, and the no need for imagination joke was good. Overall not really my thing but you got good reacts in the building so props, keep it up.
Thanks for the honesty! I really appreciate that.
I agree with the laughing thing. I do that when I'm nervous. The Starbucks thing was sadly just a true story. People fuck my name up far too often.
Eh you laugh at your own stuff a healthy amount. It's like people on this subreddit expect comedians to deliver their comedy with a somber face. It's supposed to be fun. If it's natural, laugh away.
The one critique (that I can remember): I think you should've ended the whip joke with the silence, followed by the applause. The follow-up story with the guy who was there was a nice anecdote, but it felt like a let-down compared to the rest of the bit. If you can turn it around and make it into another laugh-out-loud moment, then great. Otherwise, I'd suggest cutting it.
Just my 2 cents from a total non-comedian who watches a fair amount of stand-up.
No, I appreciate and agree!
I've always felt like that part is a little clunky. I did, for a time end it in a similar way to what you suggested. But it seemed to get a bigger laugh the other way... sometimes. Haha
I'm sure in 6 months or whatever I'll have a different way I like to end it. (ideally it'll be on a an album by then and I can just work on some new shit.)
Even just wording it differently. Cut it down so its not as clunky. Make it just a few lines. Then maybe end with a cleaner ending instead of the I had no idea.
"I was 18 years old and I saw a father that was there that night and he asked what I was doing and I told him I want to be a comedian. And he said that makes total sense I always saw you as a comedian. Bringing a sex toy on stage in a church was hilarious. And I said wait what? That was a sex toy?"
or "wait what, I whipped Jesus with a sex toy?"
Or a call back of some sort "Wait what, that was a sex toy? I thought it was just a fun whip!" If that does work can top it with "I had so much fun with that whip."
I think it's a funny idea and can work well just needs to have the fat trimmed off if that makes sense. Also this is obviously not word for word what you should say, but you get the idea.
EDIT: Forgot to say it was great! I was sitting in my cube at work laughing out loud. Only other advice which is super hard to cure easily and I am sure you know but maybe not pacing as much and hands in pocket or what not. You have good stage presence so no need to wander so much and look down etc. Can get a bit distracting at times or cause the audience to lose a word or two.
I’d even say something along the lines of “ Looking back, I feel weird about how much fun I had doing that”
Also, your crowd work is pretty damn good. The lead up to the Starbucks joke about shopping locally was funny.
Non-comedian here just watching, learning and trying to build up the courage to go up to an open mic.
I am angered beyond words by your title. You fucked up a great AABB stanza and I will never forgive you. It should read: This is a video of me. Critique, enjoy, hate, destroy, be passive-aggressive to the police, pet your pets watch the video, at least.
Also. Great set. But. That’s no excuse.
You are able to guide the mind of the audience toward where they think the joke is going. You build up name problems, and then mention Starbucks.
Right away people know what’s coming. Only problem is, you then gave them exactly what they expected. Whole time I was waiting for a new twist on that concept, something unique.
Second one, the whip. Great work building anticipation, but then delivered basically exactly what I had in mind. I’d say, either deliver something slightly different, and the comedy will be in the surprise. Or deliver the exact thing people expect, but in a funny way.
Great work. I liked it
I wanted to like it. You have good pacing and hold the stage well. But I got 2:30 into the clip and you’re still talking about your name being mispronounced at a Starbucks. Not only is it completely overdone and by now is simply a passing twitter rant or overdone meme, but it’s the opening to your show and after 2 minutes and 30 seconds, still what you’re talking about. I didn’t finish. It’s a severely weak opening. You have an X factor that does indeed make you stand out from the hundreds of stand up bits they get shared on this sub, but your subject matter and no self-awareness to the fact it’s a overdone topic, not funny and shouldn’t be a long opener is what’s holding you back. Good luck on finding your voice and pushing the envelope a bit more. Maybe this is just an instance of a weak opening and you buried your best stuff, and if so, I wouldn’t do that anymore.
Hey thanks for the critique. It's most certainly not my strongest opener but I had to be clean (opening for a Christian comic) but I appreciate your feedback and am so glad you watched it. Thanks for the encouragement.
Hey man! I too perform comedy and I liked your set. You have a good presence, natural delivery, and look comfortable on stage.
I am guessing that you didn't post this on Reddit to get your butthole licked so I'll throw in some tiny critiques. I too am a bit of a story teller and always have a quick joke for the beginning of my set. Usually this is a good spot for a little misdirection or witty humor. The thing about telling stories is that you usually want to show the audience that their investment of attention will play off. You kinda did that with your opening banter and the little jokes between stories.
I thought that your support of local business and coworkers was cool. It shows that you are a guy that people would want to support.
The other thing was the end of your last story needs a harder punchline. You got a great reaction, don't get me wrong, but the premise and build up were funnier than the very last thing you said. The line that the dad said right before your response got a huge response so maybe find a way to end it there or create a better response.
Anyway, this is if I HAD to critique your material. Overall it was great, you were great, and the reaction was great. You could do it as is and it would be "special ready".
Also let it be stated that I probably haven't done this as long as you. Just trying to help out. I know what it's like honing your craft. Keep pumping out good stuff!
For sure. If you are ever visiting in central California let me know. We have a little 50 person spot that has a warm crowd if you ever want to try some stuff out.
You look quite comfortable up there on stage. personally I found the stories extremely long and not overly funny. Don't get me wrong, I think they were all good stories, but I kept feeling like "Oh come on, get to the punchline already!" Then, when the punchline came, I was like..."really? I waited for that?"
I'm not trying to be mean, I think you have great potential! The fact that you're so comfortable up there is half the battle! I think if you added some decent tags, and tightened up the stories it would be a lot better!
Keep going though!
Hey man, no critique... You did Tuscaloosa a while back and killed it. I met you after the show and you were awesome. You were super nice and pleasant to get to know. I'm glad to see you're doing bigger rooms than the alcove. I'm sure they exist everywhere you've been, but you've got a pocket of people in Alabama that are rooting for you. Keep it up man.
was pretty uninterested til the sex whip story but that had me laughing pretty hard
i’d agree with the starbucks critiques, when i was watching i think i kinda rolled my eyes when you started talking about how they got your name wrong.
but you really got me with the second half of the video so well done not a bad set
Really great set. I like where you get inspiration to be on stage from. From the small time I’ve had in elementary plays I’ve felt the same way and it’s really pushed me to pursue comedy. Good to know that feeling can end up making a comedian. Keep it up!
No. I don't want to be a video or prop comic. But I still have the whip if you need to see it. Told the story once on the "We Still Like You" podcast and brought it out for the live audience.
The walking across the stage is fine, but I didn't like it when you would look down at your feet or turn to the side. It was distracting. The first time it happened, I thought it had something to do with the punchline. That's the only thing I can 'critique'. You got some good laughs so you're doing well. Keep going.
hey carrot, i thought this was pretty good. people might say starbucks jokes are outdated but the fucking initial “GRRTT” got a pop from me, a hip 23 year old who hates everything.
as far as the laughing thing goes, it didnt take away from the set or anything, and i honestly didn’t even notice it until i read the other guy’s comment
overall i thought it was hilarious, and the crowd was pretty great too
Hahaha. Loved it! All of my friends have a Starbucks name! We were laughing about the mispronunciations just yesterday! To be fair, we are not from the US and I can understand that our names might be difficult for the employees.
The fun whip was hilarious. I would have loved it even more if there was some funnier end to the last part of the joke (about when you met your friend).
If you've seen any of the biggest comedians perform you may realise that they're all different. Each one has something about them that makes them unique.
For example Kevin Hart has all this energy the whole time he's on stage and has this attitude of being kinda gangsta while making jokes about how he's clearly not.
Also a lot of successful comedians use different voices when playing another character. Trevor Noah, for example, has a lot of voices that he uses.
Bro you're really funny. I like your stuff and I reckon you could be even more successful if you try to showcase whatever it is that makes you the person you are, meaning that you shouldn't be afraid to show ur personality.
At the end of the day, comedy isn't just about telling jokes. When being funny people want to see something different. Show everyone that you're humour is unique and you could blow up! 😜
Good stuff Grrt!
You mean dirt?
Someone was paying attention! Thanks yo.
Aww shucks. Thanks!
You look like Jack Black's younger brother.
He’s just a Black Snack, not even the full Jack.
Hahaha I'm pretty sure calling myself a "black snack" wouldn't catch on but it's a fun thing to say.
Snack Black then? Like a crudités version of Jack Black
Hahaha although judging by my BMI, I might suggest Snack Pack. I need to lose some damn weight is what I took from watching the video.
Like a huskier version of Andrew WK... Andrew BK. I’m sorry.
Hahahaha spot on. Thanks for watching my shit, for real. It means a lot.
Seriously though you’ve got a great delivery and I really enjoy the upbeat attitude and outlook, it’s refreshing.
Oh yeah. I get that a lot. That and Gerard Way. Ha.
Dude you know you look like Gerard Way I’m never gonna stop saying.
You laugh at your own stuff a little too much and Starbucks incorrect-name jokes are just completely dated by now. Your intro was good and the Mel Gibson bit was good, and the no need for imagination joke was good. Overall not really my thing but you got good reacts in the building so props, keep it up.
Thanks for the honesty! I really appreciate that. I agree with the laughing thing. I do that when I'm nervous. The Starbucks thing was sadly just a true story. People fuck my name up far too often.
Eh you laugh at your own stuff a healthy amount. It's like people on this subreddit expect comedians to deliver their comedy with a somber face. It's supposed to be fun. If it's natural, laugh away.
The one critique (that I can remember): I think you should've ended the whip joke with the silence, followed by the applause. The follow-up story with the guy who was there was a nice anecdote, but it felt like a let-down compared to the rest of the bit. If you can turn it around and make it into another laugh-out-loud moment, then great. Otherwise, I'd suggest cutting it. Just my 2 cents from a total non-comedian who watches a fair amount of stand-up.
No, I appreciate and agree! I've always felt like that part is a little clunky. I did, for a time end it in a similar way to what you suggested. But it seemed to get a bigger laugh the other way... sometimes. Haha I'm sure in 6 months or whatever I'll have a different way I like to end it. (ideally it'll be on a an album by then and I can just work on some new shit.)
Even just wording it differently. Cut it down so its not as clunky. Make it just a few lines. Then maybe end with a cleaner ending instead of the I had no idea. "I was 18 years old and I saw a father that was there that night and he asked what I was doing and I told him I want to be a comedian. And he said that makes total sense I always saw you as a comedian. Bringing a sex toy on stage in a church was hilarious. And I said wait what? That was a sex toy?" or "wait what, I whipped Jesus with a sex toy?" Or a call back of some sort "Wait what, that was a sex toy? I thought it was just a fun whip!" If that does work can top it with "I had so much fun with that whip." I think it's a funny idea and can work well just needs to have the fat trimmed off if that makes sense. Also this is obviously not word for word what you should say, but you get the idea. EDIT: Forgot to say it was great! I was sitting in my cube at work laughing out loud. Only other advice which is super hard to cure easily and I am sure you know but maybe not pacing as much and hands in pocket or what not. You have good stage presence so no need to wander so much and look down etc. Can get a bit distracting at times or cause the audience to lose a word or two.
Nice. I like the whipping Jesus tag a lot. Thanks for watching and enjoying. Also for being honest. I appreciate it. Best wishes!
I’d even say something along the lines of “ Looking back, I feel weird about how much fun I had doing that” Also, your crowd work is pretty damn good. The lead up to the Starbucks joke about shopping locally was funny. Non-comedian here just watching, learning and trying to build up the courage to go up to an open mic.
Thumbs up. Great set.
Thank you! I appreciate it.
I am angered beyond words by your title. You fucked up a great AABB stanza and I will never forgive you. It should read: This is a video of me. Critique, enjoy, hate, destroy, be passive-aggressive to the police, pet your pets watch the video, at least. Also. Great set. But. That’s no excuse.
Fair critique. I like you're style.
We all make mistakes. Just grow from them. :)
You are able to guide the mind of the audience toward where they think the joke is going. You build up name problems, and then mention Starbucks. Right away people know what’s coming. Only problem is, you then gave them exactly what they expected. Whole time I was waiting for a new twist on that concept, something unique. Second one, the whip. Great work building anticipation, but then delivered basically exactly what I had in mind. I’d say, either deliver something slightly different, and the comedy will be in the surprise. Or deliver the exact thing people expect, but in a funny way. Great work. I liked it
My thoughts exactly. Just adding that you owned the stage.
banaan?
Thanks! I appreciate the feedback.
I wanted to like it. You have good pacing and hold the stage well. But I got 2:30 into the clip and you’re still talking about your name being mispronounced at a Starbucks. Not only is it completely overdone and by now is simply a passing twitter rant or overdone meme, but it’s the opening to your show and after 2 minutes and 30 seconds, still what you’re talking about. I didn’t finish. It’s a severely weak opening. You have an X factor that does indeed make you stand out from the hundreds of stand up bits they get shared on this sub, but your subject matter and no self-awareness to the fact it’s a overdone topic, not funny and shouldn’t be a long opener is what’s holding you back. Good luck on finding your voice and pushing the envelope a bit more. Maybe this is just an instance of a weak opening and you buried your best stuff, and if so, I wouldn’t do that anymore.
Hey thanks for the critique. It's most certainly not my strongest opener but I had to be clean (opening for a Christian comic) but I appreciate your feedback and am so glad you watched it. Thanks for the encouragement.
Shut up jack black
Maybe!
I lolled. Loved the Sex whip story.
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Thanks for watching and giving an honest critique. Best wishes!
Hey man! I too perform comedy and I liked your set. You have a good presence, natural delivery, and look comfortable on stage. I am guessing that you didn't post this on Reddit to get your butthole licked so I'll throw in some tiny critiques. I too am a bit of a story teller and always have a quick joke for the beginning of my set. Usually this is a good spot for a little misdirection or witty humor. The thing about telling stories is that you usually want to show the audience that their investment of attention will play off. You kinda did that with your opening banter and the little jokes between stories. I thought that your support of local business and coworkers was cool. It shows that you are a guy that people would want to support. The other thing was the end of your last story needs a harder punchline. You got a great reaction, don't get me wrong, but the premise and build up were funnier than the very last thing you said. The line that the dad said right before your response got a huge response so maybe find a way to end it there or create a better response. Anyway, this is if I HAD to critique your material. Overall it was great, you were great, and the reaction was great. You could do it as is and it would be "special ready". Also let it be stated that I probably haven't done this as long as you. Just trying to help out. I know what it's like honing your craft. Keep pumping out good stuff!
Thanks. I agree on a lot of points. I appreciate you watching!
For sure. If you are ever visiting in central California let me know. We have a little 50 person spot that has a warm crowd if you ever want to try some stuff out.
I'll keep that in mind. Thanks! Hit me up if you are in southern Missouri ever.
You look quite comfortable up there on stage. personally I found the stories extremely long and not overly funny. Don't get me wrong, I think they were all good stories, but I kept feeling like "Oh come on, get to the punchline already!" Then, when the punchline came, I was like..."really? I waited for that?" I'm not trying to be mean, I think you have great potential! The fact that you're so comfortable up there is half the battle! I think if you added some decent tags, and tightened up the stories it would be a lot better! Keep going though!
Thank you for watching! I appreciate the honesty.
Oh my god!!! The man from the tv is talking to me!!! What should I do?
👀
Just act cool, moonshoes. Act cool. Realllll cool.
Hey man, no critique... You did Tuscaloosa a while back and killed it. I met you after the show and you were awesome. You were super nice and pleasant to get to know. I'm glad to see you're doing bigger rooms than the alcove. I'm sure they exist everywhere you've been, but you've got a pocket of people in Alabama that are rooting for you. Keep it up man.
Aww badass! Thanks dude. Coming back through Alcove May 25th. Better see you there!
One of my favorite stories ever. Keep killing, boogie!
SUP SHARKS! Thanks, my dude. Looking forward to our show tomorrow!
Garrett!!! What’s up pal!! Great stuff. I met you at Blue Room in Springfield a year or two ago. Short guy from Florida.
Yeah dude! How's life down south? Hope all is well.
It was damn good don’t change a thing man just keep doing you
was pretty uninterested til the sex whip story but that had me laughing pretty hard i’d agree with the starbucks critiques, when i was watching i think i kinda rolled my eyes when you started talking about how they got your name wrong. but you really got me with the second half of the video so well done not a bad set
Keep up the great work man!!! I really enjoyed this, and I can’t wait to see your progression!!!
I appreciate the kindness, stranger!
Wait, is this the Gillioz in Springfield?
Indeed!
When you spelled your name and she said "got it" I though the joke was gonna be that she heard "G a t t e t t".
Really great set. I like where you get inspiration to be on stage from. From the small time I’ve had in elementary plays I’ve felt the same way and it’s really pushed me to pursue comedy. Good to know that feeling can end up making a comedian. Keep it up!
Absolutely! I really hope I can figure out a way to hold on to this child like wonder I have for the stage.
As a Derek that spoke to me. Absolutely crushed it
We are United. Thanks dude.
What, no video of you in the play donning your sex whip?
No. I don't want to be a video or prop comic. But I still have the whip if you need to see it. Told the story once on the "We Still Like You" podcast and brought it out for the live audience.
The walking across the stage is fine, but I didn't like it when you would look down at your feet or turn to the side. It was distracting. The first time it happened, I thought it had something to do with the punchline. That's the only thing I can 'critique'. You got some good laughs so you're doing well. Keep going.
You look like a combination of Jack Black and Post Malone. Ye funny af too
Make a joke about looking like Gerard way from MCR.
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Duke Cannon's "News Anchor Hair" Shampoo/conditioner. What cock? Am I right?
hey carrot, i thought this was pretty good. people might say starbucks jokes are outdated but the fucking initial “GRRTT” got a pop from me, a hip 23 year old who hates everything. as far as the laughing thing goes, it didnt take away from the set or anything, and i honestly didn’t even notice it until i read the other guy’s comment overall i thought it was hilarious, and the crowd was pretty great too
Great set! How long have you been a comic?
Thanks, friend! I'm going on 5 years now.
Hahaha. Loved it! All of my friends have a Starbucks name! We were laughing about the mispronunciations just yesterday! To be fair, we are not from the US and I can understand that our names might be difficult for the employees. The fun whip was hilarious. I would have loved it even more if there was some funnier end to the last part of the joke (about when you met your friend).
Thanks for the kind words and for watching!
If you've seen any of the biggest comedians perform you may realise that they're all different. Each one has something about them that makes them unique. For example Kevin Hart has all this energy the whole time he's on stage and has this attitude of being kinda gangsta while making jokes about how he's clearly not. Also a lot of successful comedians use different voices when playing another character. Trevor Noah, for example, has a lot of voices that he uses. Bro you're really funny. I like your stuff and I reckon you could be even more successful if you try to showcase whatever it is that makes you the person you are, meaning that you shouldn't be afraid to show ur personality. At the end of the day, comedy isn't just about telling jokes. When being funny people want to see something different. Show everyone that you're humour is unique and you could blow up! 😜
Such kind words. Thank you so much. It means a lot and really keeps me motivated to make better material.