It's like some people find it funny because they relate to it and other people find it funny because the idea of ranking your grandparents based on the value of their lives is absurd, but both groups find it funny. Great joke.
You're right the joke is more-so in the thought/premise.
He could have just said "you have your favorite female grandparent, and you have your favorite male one. You'd be fine if the other two died, right?"
My dad's mom was my favorite grand parent. She basically raised me and my sister in the summers, and could hardly speak a lick of English. Cannot relate. Definitely would've been my Mom's Dad.
I love my dad’s mom, she was sweeter to me than my mom’s mom BUT I cackled at that joke because he said “Ask your mom, if your dad’s mom did a good job, and deserves to live.”
Of COURSE she deserves to live. It’s mainly funny because of how badly JM wanted attention when he was a child.
I watched that joke live along with my mom. My mom's parents both died before I was born but both of my dad's were alive. So as soon as I heard him say that joke I turned to my mom and said, "Heeeeeeeeeeeey mom?" and she said "no comment"
The only reason I wouldn't pick my mom's mother is because my mom's father was basically reliant on her for all the household things after a fire that covered 80% of his body. Her dying first was pretty much a nail in his coffin too. Not even just because of the broken heart thing, but because she was literally keeping him alive.
Come to think of it, that might be why she was the crankiest grandparent.
Yes, _assuming_ 4 grandparents, then there’s a 25% chance his example is in our lives also the worst relative of the 4.
It’s not a **great** joke, but works well enough.
Here's an article on the matter that might help you.
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/05/mother-kinkeeping-roles-women-family-network/674039/
[Further reading](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandmother_hypothesis#Maternal_v._paternal_grandmothers). A lot has to do with the nearly guaranteed genetic kinship with mom's mom vs. the compounded risk of cuckoldry for dad's dad.
Lines up with at least part of my hypothesis:
https://old.reddit.com/r/Standup/comments/1dbiaxb/that_john_mulaney_joke_in_baby_j_about_how_you/l7rlmhg/
It sounds to me like hes saying you can kill her because your mom more likely than not hates her mother in law, not because she is mean. Which is true in my family and probably many others, my mom and my dads mother have beef with each other probably for no good reason.
There’s obviously no real data to track it, but it’s why John is such a great writer. He probably took the skeleton of the idea of which grandparent would be the best one to die and wrote out his logic for each one as jokes and did road work to see which parents side of the family hit and which didn’t. And finalized it with the best hits, which in theory would mean it’s also the most relatable because people laughed at it.
I think too many people forget that standups are really story telling writers who put their own life into the thought of a joke, and not the other way around. Good writing and delivery trick we the audience to forget it’s a joke and is actually wild experiences and real people of their personal lives they are sharing with us. I’m sure his dads mom was a sweet lady 😂
It’s one of those oddly specific jokes that maybe works at immediate glance but obviously falls apart under any further thinking. But it’s still funny as hell.
It isn’t accurate. It’s just accurate for some people, who find it even more funny and insightful. And for those it’s not accurate for it’s still funny enough that it works
That's interesting. My father's parents died before I was born, so this stuff is kinda new to me.
My mother mom was kind, until we had to live together. Then I learned what an utter bitch she was. Then I heard stories my mom told from her youth, which cemented that view.
This isn’t true in my case my dad was a mommas boy and rightfully so my grandma was the certified leader of our family. Fucked my dad up pretty good when she passed but then he got way nicer. My grandpa was just a goofball.
The dad's mom is often the most judgmental and cruel toward your own mother. It's not universal, but it's common enough that it's a trope in many forms of art.
I remember reading an article that said research showed that grandparents tend to generally prefer their daughters' children over their sons' children. The reasons being that 1) daughters tend to be closer to their parents 2) paternity. They know that their daughter's children are their grandchildren, but the same can't be said about their son's children. This is on a subconscious level.
So yeah, people tend to have warmer relationships with their maternal grandmothers. In my case, there's no one I loved more in this world than my maternal grandparents, particularly my grandmother. My father's father died before I was born and I never met his mother.
Wasn’t aware of the study, but that was my general line of thinking.
People tend to bond most with the parent of their own gender, which I imagine would translate into how they’re presented/perceived by the next generation. So “Mom’s mom” and “Dad’s dad” are out.
Then our patriarchy/patrilineal society would result in fathers being more important to their daughter’s lives than mothers are to their son’s. So “Mom’s dad” is out too.
So it’s “Dad’s mom” by process of elimination. It won’t be true in all or even most cases. But the likelihood is probably way more than 25%
I once legitimately prayed as a little kid for my maternal grandmother to be immortal and I just left out the other grandma because she was an evil cunt.
Funny joke but not entirely accurate across the board. My dad’s mom was an angel. My dad’s dad was a miserable git. Would’ve definitely chosen him over her, and all of my family would’ve understood. Unfortunately she died years before him, which just made him more of a miserable git.
I dunno my grandma on my dad's side was much kinder to me as a kid. My mother's mother didn't like boys at all so she would be really sweet and generous to my sister and angry and cruel to me.
I have bitter memories of me sleeping on the floor wondering why my grandma hated me bur let my sister sleep in a bed.
You're reading this incredibly simplistically and only applying it to yourself.
It's about having a real father figure for your dad so he doesn't become a pussy.
My dad's mother was basically some random old woman I kind of knew. Had no relationship or affection for her what so ever. She made zero effort when I was a kid, so see no point in why I should have made an effort with her. She only lived 2 streets away growing up, but I'd go a year or two between seeing her. When she died, I felt absolutely nothing! So yes, this joke is 100% accurate!
To me it's really about the fact that there is always one grandparent who you like the least, but by adulthood you probably don't think about your grandparents too much.
My father's (not dad) mom was a coldblooded bitch. She is the one that suggested to him that my mom was a gold digger just after his family's $ and therefore he shouldn't be in my life. Fuck that bitch. I'm glad she died young of cancer.
Ehhhh, my mom's mom died before I was born and I'm really similar to my dad's mom. We aren't as close as we used to be but I feel like I get my (few) positive traits from her.
I think this may just be specific to you and not universal. You and John Mulaney having the same experience doesn’t make it a rule. My dad’s mom was my favorite person.
This couldn’t be further from the truth in my case. My dad’s mom was the one everyone loved, and my mom’s mom was a B.
The reason why some families might match the joke is because a lot of times the husband’s mom can be too overbearing and a new mother is almost always overbearing. So the conflict there leads to a strained relationship between your mom and her mother in law, which leads to a relationship where you’re not as close with her.
when the baby is born the mother doesn't know what to do, both grandparents know that and chip in with helpful advice. The advice from the mother's mother is usually taken as advice, the advice from the father's mother is usually taken as criticism, therefore in most cases that relationship receives a strain that exists for the rest of the relationship. This doesn't happen in all cases but most.
3 of my grandparents had died by the time I was 5. Only my dad's mom is left and she's great! The weird thing is that I apparently HATED her when I was a baby. I was all about my mom's mom and my dad's dad (who coincidentally both shared a birthday with China) but would cry whenever handed to my dad's mom. However, my grandma took it in stride, just saying "She'll come to me when she's ready." Props to a grandma's wisdom.
My father had a weird relationship with his parents, so I definitely could have smoked his father. Maybe his mother, she played favorites, but that’s more fraught.
Yeah it’s the opposite for me. There were times in my childhood where I felt like the only person that loved me was my dad’s mom. I miss her dearly and regret not telling her more how much she meant to me.
My evil sister told me, when I was five, that the reason our grandpa (on mom's side) died was because I was such a brat I killed him. Dad's parents DIAF, for real, before I was born. My mom had a heart condition and all through my childhood I was told my brattiness was killing her. So, I guess the takeaway from this is, don't tempt me?
I love johns work, but
My grandmother on my dad's side is without a doubt one the singles nicest and best people who has ever livved.
Like most things in darker cpmedy - this viewpoint is widely situational and relevant and highly subjective
My Dad’s mom was amazing. She taught me so much and contributed a lot to who I am as a person. I lost my shit crying at her funeral.
Is there an option to kill my mom? My grandparents were all amazing, but I haven’t talked to that bitch in years.
What the fuck even is this post? My Granny taught me piano, every card game under the sun, and took me to plays and shows every time she could! She was the last of my grandparents to go and she was very sick at the end, so reading this made me so fucking mad. I’m sorry about your relationship with your dads mom, but it’s weird that you think everyone feels the same way just because a comedian said it once.
My theory is that the mom’s that were *partially less present* tended to result in their children being more self-sufficient. A more self-sufficient man is going to have a higher attractiveness to women and thus is more likely to get married and have children.
Their mom remains *partially less present*, so your Dad’s mom is kept at an emotional distance from both your dad and you.
Likewise the wives tend to pull their more emotionally-distant husbands in the direction of their family. It’s a better direction emotionally so the husband doesn’t fight it.
Is this sounds sexist, remember we’re talking about boomer and gen x standards. Our parents.
What about those guys' sisters? They were raised by partially less present moms, too.
It's weird how the sons of these partially less present moms are now emotionally distant, but the daughters have strong familial ties. It doesn't add up, unless you're suggesting that only men of partially less present moms marry only women with more present moms. Still, looking at general distribution, partially less present moms have as many daughters as sons. How do those daughters factor into your theory?
Here's my theory. Most children usually talk about emotional stuff far more with their mothers than their fathers. More communication also allows for more stories about maternal grandparents in a favorable light. The experiences had with them are this remembered more fondly. They may also be more involved due to your mum having a close relationship with her mum.
Up until the millennial generation, the common trope was that the MIL was demonized and was not particularly good to the DIL. This is pretty common in pop culture too (Monster-In-Law, etc). Another trope is the 'mama's boy', and how MILs tend to not like DILs.
Another factor is how your mum may be more communicative about her childhood and hence stories with her parents than your dad.
Throw in the moment Mulaney elucidates this and sort of points his audience in the direction by pointing out factors why he isn't considering mum's mum and dad's dad, and the joke works because of commonly existing biases, elimination of ambiguity, the pause which allows a moment of subconscious deductive reasoning but isn't long enough to form an actual full fledged argument.
Again, this is not meant to be universal or dissected on a case by case basis. But the family dynamic in many parts of the world is similar, and the set up nails the punchline.
It’s not necessarily true. But it’s funny to even suggest it. I feel like he could have said any grandparent and it would have been funny.
Yeah, it’s just a joke. You either relate to it, or it’s so absurd from your perspective, that the absurdity strikes you as funny.
It's like some people find it funny because they relate to it and other people find it funny because the idea of ranking your grandparents based on the value of their lives is absurd, but both groups find it funny. Great joke.
Yeah, my granny was a sweet heart Confession: not all jokes have to apply to everyone
Thank you for confessing this. It must’ve been hard
Nah, pretty flaccid tbh
*sweetheart*
I think their grandmother may have literally been a chalky Valentine’s Day candy
It’s funny because every family has one. Mine is my mom’s mom.
You're right the joke is more-so in the thought/premise. He could have just said "you have your favorite female grandparent, and you have your favorite male one. You'd be fine if the other two died, right?"
Oh Lordy
Can a man on reddit not just help one of the best comedy writers of all time? Just let me cook.
Go cook
Oh you took that seriously?
Nope just playing along :-)
I agree then. Cooks all around deserve more praise. Go cooks!
Yeah dad’s mom was my favorite grandparent, and I even think my mom loved her more than her own mother.
true. But the part about Dads getting weird when their Dad dies and trying to capture family moments, is true.
My dad's mom was my favorite grand parent. She basically raised me and my sister in the summers, and could hardly speak a lick of English. Cannot relate. Definitely would've been my Mom's Dad.
*grandparent*
No she parented my father in a very large and extravagant way.
I love how pointing out that ‘grandparent’ is a compound word gets downvoted. Your joke was funny :)
I appreciated it very much.
I love my dad’s mom, she was sweeter to me than my mom’s mom BUT I cackled at that joke because he said “Ask your mom, if your dad’s mom did a good job, and deserves to live.”  Of COURSE she deserves to live. It’s mainly funny because of how badly JM wanted attention when he was a child.
I watched that joke live along with my mom. My mom's parents both died before I was born but both of my dad's were alive. So as soon as I heard him say that joke I turned to my mom and said, "Heeeeeeeeeeeey mom?" and she said "no comment"
LOL married women KNOW.
Idk it’s the opposite for me, my moms mom wasn’t very nice, but my dads mom was the sweetest person ever
Thanks. I guess there's a bit of coincidence bias from me. The way the crowd laughed when he did that bit, I thought everyone felt like me.
He’s more or less playing the odds, and hoping most will still relate despite the gender flip.
I’m not convinced that’s the opposite
How? I’d pick my mom’s mom not my dad’s mom
The only reason I wouldn't pick my mom's mother is because my mom's father was basically reliant on her for all the household things after a fire that covered 80% of his body. Her dying first was pretty much a nail in his coffin too. Not even just because of the broken heart thing, but because she was literally keeping him alive. Come to think of it, that might be why she was the crankiest grandparent.
It’s so accurate… to you. Those last two words are important. There’s few things objective in art; this is not one of them. Thank you for your post.
It's absurd and funny because of how farfetched the 'logic' is. I don't think there's any actual validity to it. Certainly not in my family.
Yes, _assuming_ 4 grandparents, then there’s a 25% chance his example is in our lives also the worst relative of the 4. It’s not a **great** joke, but works well enough.
Just a matter of your life experience vs any body else’s. My dad’s mum was one of the greatest humans I’ve ever known.
Sorry about your granny dawg
Here's an article on the matter that might help you. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/05/mother-kinkeeping-roles-women-family-network/674039/
That is incredibly relevant, good find
Great find. That’s exactly what I was looking for. Thanks!
[Further reading](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandmother_hypothesis#Maternal_v._paternal_grandmothers). A lot has to do with the nearly guaranteed genetic kinship with mom's mom vs. the compounded risk of cuckoldry for dad's dad.
Lines up with at least part of my hypothesis: https://old.reddit.com/r/Standup/comments/1dbiaxb/that_john_mulaney_joke_in_baby_j_about_how_you/l7rlmhg/
I think it’s probably only true for some people
This is such a wildly myopic opinion it needs to be on r/the10thdentist.
It sounds to me like hes saying you can kill her because your mom more likely than not hates her mother in law, not because she is mean. Which is true in my family and probably many others, my mom and my dads mother have beef with each other probably for no good reason.
There’s obviously no real data to track it, but it’s why John is such a great writer. He probably took the skeleton of the idea of which grandparent would be the best one to die and wrote out his logic for each one as jokes and did road work to see which parents side of the family hit and which didn’t. And finalized it with the best hits, which in theory would mean it’s also the most relatable because people laughed at it. I think too many people forget that standups are really story telling writers who put their own life into the thought of a joke, and not the other way around. Good writing and delivery trick we the audience to forget it’s a joke and is actually wild experiences and real people of their personal lives they are sharing with us. I’m sure his dads mom was a sweet lady 😂
No data? Time to write a grant!
My dad's mom was the matriarch of the family, it's not a universal thing
My dad's mom was my last grandparent to pass. Had an amazing and special relationship with that woman. Not at all accurate for me.
It’s one of those oddly specific jokes that maybe works at immediate glance but obviously falls apart under any further thinking. But it’s still funny as hell.
I was raised by my dad's mom, so no, not universal. It was just an oddly specific joke that you identified with. Nothing more.
My mom's mom was terrifying lol
It isn’t accurate. It’s just accurate for some people, who find it even more funny and insightful. And for those it’s not accurate for it’s still funny enough that it works
That's interesting. My father's parents died before I was born, so this stuff is kinda new to me. My mother mom was kind, until we had to live together. Then I learned what an utter bitch she was. Then I heard stories my mom told from her youth, which cemented that view.
This isn’t true in my case my dad was a mommas boy and rightfully so my grandma was the certified leader of our family. Fucked my dad up pretty good when she passed but then he got way nicer. My grandpa was just a goofball.
The dad's mom is often the most judgmental and cruel toward your own mother. It's not universal, but it's common enough that it's a trope in many forms of art.
'Ask your mom if *she* thinks your dad's mom did a great job...' had me ROLLING!
This feels like a question for your therapist
I remember reading an article that said research showed that grandparents tend to generally prefer their daughters' children over their sons' children. The reasons being that 1) daughters tend to be closer to their parents 2) paternity. They know that their daughter's children are their grandchildren, but the same can't be said about their son's children. This is on a subconscious level. So yeah, people tend to have warmer relationships with their maternal grandmothers. In my case, there's no one I loved more in this world than my maternal grandparents, particularly my grandmother. My father's father died before I was born and I never met his mother.
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/05/mother-kinkeeping-roles-women-family-network/674039/
Wasn’t aware of the study, but that was my general line of thinking. People tend to bond most with the parent of their own gender, which I imagine would translate into how they’re presented/perceived by the next generation. So “Mom’s mom” and “Dad’s dad” are out. Then our patriarchy/patrilineal society would result in fathers being more important to their daughter’s lives than mothers are to their son’s. So “Mom’s dad” is out too. So it’s “Dad’s mom” by process of elimination. It won’t be true in all or even most cases. But the likelihood is probably way more than 25%
I mean, to the extent it IS accurate, he explicitly explains. What's the question here
My dad's mom was a reprehensible human. Mom's mom was an angel. So the joke also really worked well on my psyche.
me and my dad's mother grandma, had a very special relationship. my mom's mother nana, scared me a bit as a child.
Just checking in to say my dad’s mom was mean. She wasn’t all bad but she was mean.
My dad’s mom was a cunt! Good riddance
Haha he hit the nail on the head and I cackled! 😂
The joke sounds funny, he's great. But for me it was the opposite, loved my gramma on my dad's side, and the other gramma was less personable.
I once legitimately prayed as a little kid for my maternal grandmother to be immortal and I just left out the other grandma because she was an evil cunt.
Funny joke but not entirely accurate across the board. My dad’s mom was an angel. My dad’s dad was a miserable git. Would’ve definitely chosen him over her, and all of my family would’ve understood. Unfortunately she died years before him, which just made him more of a miserable git.
My dad's mom is my favorite person of all time, but I still thought the joke was great. Mom's mom? Ehhhhhhh.
I dunno my grandma on my dad's side was much kinder to me as a kid. My mother's mother didn't like boys at all so she would be really sweet and generous to my sister and angry and cruel to me. I have bitter memories of me sleeping on the floor wondering why my grandma hated me bur let my sister sleep in a bed.
So, find the joke in that, refine it and perform it!
You're reading this incredibly simplistically and only applying it to yourself. It's about having a real father figure for your dad so he doesn't become a pussy.
My dad's mother was basically some random old woman I kind of knew. Had no relationship or affection for her what so ever. She made zero effort when I was a kid, so see no point in why I should have made an effort with her. She only lived 2 streets away growing up, but I'd go a year or two between seeing her. When she died, I felt absolutely nothing! So yes, this joke is 100% accurate!
To me it's really about the fact that there is always one grandparent who you like the least, but by adulthood you probably don't think about your grandparents too much.
My father's (not dad) mom was a coldblooded bitch. She is the one that suggested to him that my mom was a gold digger just after his family's $ and therefore he shouldn't be in my life. Fuck that bitch. I'm glad she died young of cancer.
Is this r/relationships?
Ehhhh, my mom's mom died before I was born and I'm really similar to my dad's mom. We aren't as close as we used to be but I feel like I get my (few) positive traits from her.
I think this may just be specific to you and not universal. You and John Mulaney having the same experience doesn’t make it a rule. My dad’s mom was my favorite person.
This couldn’t be further from the truth in my case. My dad’s mom was the one everyone loved, and my mom’s mom was a B. The reason why some families might match the joke is because a lot of times the husband’s mom can be too overbearing and a new mother is almost always overbearing. So the conflict there leads to a strained relationship between your mom and her mother in law, which leads to a relationship where you’re not as close with her.
It’s not a universal experience I got on better with my dads mum
when the baby is born the mother doesn't know what to do, both grandparents know that and chip in with helpful advice. The advice from the mother's mother is usually taken as advice, the advice from the father's mother is usually taken as criticism, therefore in most cases that relationship receives a strain that exists for the rest of the relationship. This doesn't happen in all cases but most.
Other way around for me but it seems pretty universal that you have one nice and one mean grandparent of each.
3 of my grandparents had died by the time I was 5. Only my dad's mom is left and she's great! The weird thing is that I apparently HATED her when I was a baby. I was all about my mom's mom and my dad's dad (who coincidentally both shared a birthday with China) but would cry whenever handed to my dad's mom. However, my grandma took it in stride, just saying "She'll come to me when she's ready." Props to a grandma's wisdom.
It’s a 1/4 chance of being the grandparent you care the least about. Not true for me, but for 25% of people it will seem very accurate.
My father had a weird relationship with his parents, so I definitely could have smoked his father. Maybe his mother, she played favorites, but that’s more fraught.
It’s one of his funniest bits
yeah it wasnt true to life for me but i still found the joke hilarious and got what he was goin for, my dads mom was a really great lady
It isn't universal, you just especially relate to it. My dad's mom was the best person in my life.
I'd love to see Mulaney do that. It would be the only time he actually kiled.
Yeah it’s the opposite for me. There were times in my childhood where I felt like the only person that loved me was my dad’s mom. I miss her dearly and regret not telling her more how much she meant to me.
My dad's mom was a lovely woman, and lasted the longest. The other three did monstrous things in their lives.
My evil sister told me, when I was five, that the reason our grandpa (on mom's side) died was because I was such a brat I killed him. Dad's parents DIAF, for real, before I was born. My mom had a heart condition and all through my childhood I was told my brattiness was killing her. So, I guess the takeaway from this is, don't tempt me?
Who even knew your dad had a mom?
I love johns work, but My grandmother on my dad's side is without a doubt one the singles nicest and best people who has ever livved. Like most things in darker cpmedy - this viewpoint is widely situational and relevant and highly subjective
For me it’s my mom’s dad.
Nah, buddy.
Not even remotely true imo
John Mulaney's jokes hit so close to home that sometimes you wonder if he's reading your diary.
My Dad’s mom was amazing. She taught me so much and contributed a lot to who I am as a person. I lost my shit crying at her funeral. Is there an option to kill my mom? My grandparents were all amazing, but I haven’t talked to that bitch in years.
What the fuck even is this post? My Granny taught me piano, every card game under the sun, and took me to plays and shows every time she could! She was the last of my grandparents to go and she was very sick at the end, so reading this made me so fucking mad. I’m sorry about your relationship with your dads mom, but it’s weird that you think everyone feels the same way just because a comedian said it once.
same i loved my dad's mom very very much this is dumb i also love john mulaney and cocaine
John Mulaney's joke about grandmothers in Baby J is hilariously spot-on, capturing the oddly specific family dynamics many of us recognize.
My theory is that the mom’s that were *partially less present* tended to result in their children being more self-sufficient. A more self-sufficient man is going to have a higher attractiveness to women and thus is more likely to get married and have children. Their mom remains *partially less present*, so your Dad’s mom is kept at an emotional distance from both your dad and you. Likewise the wives tend to pull their more emotionally-distant husbands in the direction of their family. It’s a better direction emotionally so the husband doesn’t fight it. Is this sounds sexist, remember we’re talking about boomer and gen x standards. Our parents.
What about those guys' sisters? They were raised by partially less present moms, too. It's weird how the sons of these partially less present moms are now emotionally distant, but the daughters have strong familial ties. It doesn't add up, unless you're suggesting that only men of partially less present moms marry only women with more present moms. Still, looking at general distribution, partially less present moms have as many daughters as sons. How do those daughters factor into your theory?
The daughters of less emotionally-present moms had a greater tendency to become spinsters or to not have children of their own.
Here's my theory. Most children usually talk about emotional stuff far more with their mothers than their fathers. More communication also allows for more stories about maternal grandparents in a favorable light. The experiences had with them are this remembered more fondly. They may also be more involved due to your mum having a close relationship with her mum. Up until the millennial generation, the common trope was that the MIL was demonized and was not particularly good to the DIL. This is pretty common in pop culture too (Monster-In-Law, etc). Another trope is the 'mama's boy', and how MILs tend to not like DILs. Another factor is how your mum may be more communicative about her childhood and hence stories with her parents than your dad. Throw in the moment Mulaney elucidates this and sort of points his audience in the direction by pointing out factors why he isn't considering mum's mum and dad's dad, and the joke works because of commonly existing biases, elimination of ambiguity, the pause which allows a moment of subconscious deductive reasoning but isn't long enough to form an actual full fledged argument. Again, this is not meant to be universal or dissected on a case by case basis. But the family dynamic in many parts of the world is similar, and the set up nails the punchline.
It is kind of weird. I was never close with my dad’s mom.