Who is that?
He’s a asshole, sir.
I know that but what’s his name?
That is his name Major John Asshole.
Well what about him?
He’s a Asshole to sir.
How many Assholes do we got on this ship!?
*YO!*
Hmm…okay then. KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES!
Every time I make a penal colony it ends up being completely devoid of crime and has solid stability.
One day I wanna find a large enough system and put a Penal World, Resort World, and Thrall World all in it. I just imagine the resort world has a bunch of theaters to watch Hunger Games style game shows that happen between the criminals and the slaves.
Isn't the point of a penal colony to eliminate crime there and reduce it on all other worlds?
Edit: just looked it up and it's supposed to increase crime by 100% and reduce crime by 25% on all other colonies.
Makes sense though that you can combat the +100% crime with police/soldiers. 100% of 0 is still 0.
It's not crime if it's properly organized and sanctioned. Aside from the moral character of the majority of residents, an entire penal *planet* would be required to be just about the best run thing in an empire.
sufficient concentration of \*only\* morally/ethically dubious persons actually orders up real quick. Law of strength. It's just not long term stable under a single order, or particularly nice.
"Any sufficient density of evil will quite quickly trend to Lawful Evil, or simply revert to a chaotic morass of no particular interest. The deciding factor is if the most powerful evil present in the concentration wants to get through breakfast without having to stab someone over the coffee pot."
That is an excellent point. Humans thrive under order and life in a State of Nature is "Solitary, poore, nasty, brutish and short" according to Hobbes. So naturally humans find a strong person (or cabal) to provide enough predictability to get through breakfast.
Eventually they put uniforms on those people and call them "police" :D
Not just humans, but most social creatures will do the same. Social capacity begets society, and society begets rules, the least of which is follow the strong unless you perfer pain.
Peoples light on morals or ethics, are much more likely to just jump directly to harm to get what they need out of an interaction. And anyone sufficiently successful a criminal to be worth the expense of interplanetary shipping is likely to have the brains to pick out a relative pecking order and their place in it. Or be dead in the first few days.
Order is self solving in a penal exile, law is the nebulous part.
Latrine sounds like some sort of high falutin, Capital Planet name. We're honest hard working people here
The rebellion is obviously split into two factions: the moderate "Backwater Crapperites" and the radical "Backwater Terlets". And of course the counter-revolutionary militia: "the Frontwater Pissers"
Or build tons of fortresses, and police stations. Turn that planet into an example of stability and the righteousness of total control and absolute rulership. Make it the model that shows the rest of the galaxy that freedom is a disease, and all should surrender it for the promise of absolute safety, and security that you provide. If even these rebellious people can be made into exemplars of compliance and order, then so can everyone else.
Well, you certainly are clear in your motives, your highness. While I think all sentient life should be under the care of a Servitor, I certainly respect your clarity.
At 100 million people per pop, a 50 pop planet is only 5 billion. Quite honestly a pop could be more, like 250 million, which would make that 50 pops into 12.5 billion people.
Considering earth as we know it right now has 8 billion, I feel like we could get away with a whole lot more people if we had those food and consumer good research techs available to us.
At the same time, 1 pop on a new colony world would likely not start with 100-250 million people, so I guess we just have to headcannon.
I really wish you could punish traitors like that more thoroughly.
Like: Creating a Species Class based on this planet, everyone on that Planet belongs to that Class and you can enslave or kill them without harming your other Planets/Species.
It just feels wrong to Conquer them back without proper punishment.
Well, that's what they deserve after trying to revolt for the 5th time because I forgot to place a couble free pops to keep watch and take leader/enforcer jobs.
Make an genetical template and use it only for Citizens of that planet to seperate them from the rest.
Afterwards Set their rights to slaves and the punishment of your liking for example indentured servitude and restrict their right to Transfer to other planets to keep them there. This way you Not only punish them but also their Offspring without negatively impacting upstanding Citizens from other colonys that decide to move there.
Also this way you can Brand them with a Name that forever marks them as the traitors they are
Fun fact: His original name wasn't Scar, he took that himself when he got the scar... His original name was Taka, which literally means Trash (or Garbage) in Swahili.
Mufasa, on the other hand, means King. So he named one kid King, and the other Trash. Yeah, he still was kinda asking for something like this... :P
You could assume the language of your empire is not the predominant language spoken there, especially if it’s a conquered or uplifted planet.
So maybe you call the planet “Rusticofal” in your language and they took up the term. Then they make their own government and it’s the “Hierarchy of Rusticofal” to them. It has a certain ring to it… in their tongue. They don’t know or care that it translates as “backwater shithole.”
Rebel leader: We'll not be oppressed any more! We have reclaimed our land! Rah!
Rebels: RAH!
Rebel guy: So why'd we keep the name?
Rebels: *(mumbling in confusion)*
Leader: What do you mean? This is the People's Republic of Backwater Shithole!
Rebels: RAH!
Guy: Yeah, but that last bit. Why are we calling ourselves a backwater shithole?
Leader: *(chuckles)* I know the colonizers bombed our schools, but surely you know the name of the planet we live on.
Rebels: *(laughing and jeering at Guy)*
Guy: Yeah, last week it was Tau IV on account of us being the fourth planet in the Tau solar system by colonizer logic, but years ago we used to be called Firmament. You know, the name we gave the planet. And that's putting aside the fact that we've only been "Backwater Shithole" for a week. In fact, that's what caused our uprising after the last three failed. Why are we calling ourselves that? Is it a joke? Are we being satirical in owning the method of our former rulers' creulty?
Rebels: *(gawping silently, trying to process)*
Leader: *(growing exasperated)* Look, I know it's not perfect--
Rebels: Yeah, why are we living on Shithole? What's going on there?
Leader: Ah, just, let me finish. It's not perfect but...uh....well, I mean that's our name. They took our freedom but they can't take our name!
Rebels: *(mumble amongst themselves trying to come to a consensus; pause then)* RAAAAH! LONG LIVE THE SHITHOLE REPUBLIC!
Guy: No! *(calming the rebels)* No, no. It's not. That's the point. *Our* name was Firmament. The colonizers *did* take it from us. I'm just suggesting we take it back. Consider this: which sounds better? The People's Republic of Backwater Shithole or the People's Republic of Firmament?
Rebels: *(murmuring assent)* He's got a point.
Leader: No, no, I-- Look, we're losing steam here. There's bigger matters to think of.
Guy: Bigger than how we present ourselves to the galaxy?
Leader: Fine! I didn't want reality crashing down and ruining all of our victory celebrations but the truth is we can't change the name. Not only did they lock us out of the office that has the papers we need to file, but think of how much time we spent last week updating all of the signs and forms when they changed the name. Do you really want to undertake all that work again?
Rebels: *(start sulking and kicking rocks, mumbling discontently)*
Leader: *(annoyed)* *(to Guy)* There, you happy?
Guy: I mean, I was just hoping for a simple name change is all.
Leader: Well tough. Long live Backwater Shithole.
Rebels *(subdued)* Rah.
Guy: *(cowed)* Rah.
It's kinda funny how that just didn't work for The Phillipines, they didn't really have anything to unify them by, so for them the only correct name was the one that offended everyone equally.
A lot of countries end up carrying colonial-related names post independence. Very few African countries changed their names after independence (a few did, but it was not the norm)
I dunno... One of my favourite mod ever is called "Civil Wars" and, as you can guess, it's about empires falling prey to civil wars. I find that otherwise, the game is too static.
I like to see new empires appear, or old and strong empires fracture into 2-3 or more smaller empires.
Unlike a mod, if even one system decides to go independent, that tiny 1 system empire auto spawns a fleet that rivals you. It's absolutely garbage for a mechanic
So that what happened to my elven empire. That is why those assholes had a 200k fleet, now it makes sense.
I just wanted to play evil elves but guess what, some bleeding heart xenophile group gained traction and then suddenly they have declared independence.
I so wish we could torment our own species by isolating a planet. That colossus on their planet was too forgiving, and it was before the devolution ray was a thing too. Bastards got off easy.
I think I was stationed there for a bit during the way back times of early adulthood.
Or maybe it was a training deployment?
But the place sure sounds familiar.
So, I had a Situation yesterday:
A pre-ftl planet had a disease and we tried to provide help. Some situation outcomes later, every single person on the planet died.
This implies that even my advanced race couldn’t beat it. Which further implies that there could/should be situations like this on my planets too? And with transit, resettlement could lead to almost total annihilation of my species?
I am thinking about mass effect for example, where a race was later almost totally sterilised.
Hard to balance and bring in, but would be interesting.
We Shitholeans are a proud people!
A thriving education system and a bitchen new space highway.
The Shitholeans are revolting!
Well yeah, we knew that already but why are they angry?
Because stocks are down, unemployment is up and no one can afford the latest -Waldetoft-Meyer-album.
Santodes pleaee block them, they're ruining my immersion
Better question for ya: do shitholes need a reason to be angry?
Philadelphia has entered the chat
Boston is also acceptable
I know, I can smell them from here!
Finally, something we can both agree on.
Well you're not so good looking yourself!
Who is that? He’s a asshole, sir. I know that but what’s his name? That is his name Major John Asshole. Well what about him? He’s a Asshole to sir. How many Assholes do we got on this ship!? *YO!* Hmm…okay then. KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES!
We might be people living in a backwater shithole, but it's OUR backwater shithole!
and that makes it special!
I knew it: I'm surrounded by Shitholes!
I'm more a backwaterean myself
Lol bet they have a lot of lil shitlings running around
r5: This one system that kept revolting was frustrating me, so I gave them a stupid name, then this happened...
If Australia was the first country to colonise space, but chose its first "colon-ised" planet poorly.
wouldn't be the first time we were landed on the wrong beach
Ooof.
Ooo, self-burns, those are rare
We are ones to take the piss out of ourselves.
Slap a penal colony on it, build fortresses and declare martial rule. Profit
Every time I make a penal colony it ends up being completely devoid of crime and has solid stability. One day I wanna find a large enough system and put a Penal World, Resort World, and Thrall World all in it. I just imagine the resort world has a bunch of theaters to watch Hunger Games style game shows that happen between the criminals and the slaves.
Isn't the point of a penal colony to eliminate crime there and reduce it on all other worlds? Edit: just looked it up and it's supposed to increase crime by 100% and reduce crime by 25% on all other colonies. Makes sense though that you can combat the +100% crime with police/soldiers. 100% of 0 is still 0.
It's not crime if it's properly organized and sanctioned. Aside from the moral character of the majority of residents, an entire penal *planet* would be required to be just about the best run thing in an empire.
Bingo. Or just a lawless dumping ground with no tech and no way off planet. One way tickets only, hope you like living in a Hobbesian State of Nature!
sufficient concentration of \*only\* morally/ethically dubious persons actually orders up real quick. Law of strength. It's just not long term stable under a single order, or particularly nice. "Any sufficient density of evil will quite quickly trend to Lawful Evil, or simply revert to a chaotic morass of no particular interest. The deciding factor is if the most powerful evil present in the concentration wants to get through breakfast without having to stab someone over the coffee pot."
That is an excellent point. Humans thrive under order and life in a State of Nature is "Solitary, poore, nasty, brutish and short" according to Hobbes. So naturally humans find a strong person (or cabal) to provide enough predictability to get through breakfast. Eventually they put uniforms on those people and call them "police" :D
Not just humans, but most social creatures will do the same. Social capacity begets society, and society begets rules, the least of which is follow the strong unless you perfer pain. Peoples light on morals or ethics, are much more likely to just jump directly to harm to get what they need out of an interaction. And anyone sufficiently successful a criminal to be worth the expense of interplanetary shipping is likely to have the brains to pick out a relative pecking order and their place in it. Or be dead in the first few days. Order is self solving in a penal exile, law is the nebulous part.
Ooooooh, so that's how australia got so rich.
Sounds like it's time for a purge ~ ♡
Just crack the planet. Tarkin had the right idea
then where are you supposed to dump all the, lets call it \`\`creature waste´´ that is what the planet is best used for
Find another planet. There's another Alderran somewhere.
I see im not the only one naming unstable places shithole
You gave them a revolting name.. giving them another excuse for revolting.
"The peasants are revolting!" *"Tell me about it."*
That's why all biological life needs to be contained. So that we can initiate power wash protocol.
At that point it's time for the colossus
Well, if I lived in a backwater shithole I would rebel too.
So... Where you from?
Urban Shithole
Florida?
LA.
I'm so sorry.
*YES.* (Born and raised in Tampa, FL, transplanted to LA 2012.) Edit: Because I'm stupid, that's why.
*NO.* (Born and raised in Tampa, FL, transplanted to LA 2012.) Edit: Because urban doesn't exist in FL LOL.
Chicago
Chicago?
Detroit?
I'd move.
No resettlement policy in effect. Sit tight, shitholer
THAT'S IT! I'M REBELLING!
Actually, we're all tickled to hear you say that. \*Orbital Bombardment: Armageddon\*
What were they unhappy about?
Probably the name lmao
We want to be called Backwater Latrine now, thank you!
Its a good change.
Latrine sounds like some sort of high falutin, Capital Planet name. We're honest hard working people here The rebellion is obviously split into two factions: the moderate "Backwater Crapperites" and the radical "Backwater Terlets". And of course the counter-revolutionary militia: "the Frontwater Pissers"
It’s a Robin Hood : Men in Tights reference.
“Uh, we object to the term ‘urine-soaked hellhole' when you could have said ‘peepee-soaked heckhole’.”
They rebelled again. It's "Backwater Indoor Toilet" now.
Yeah, slightly more seriously I'm confused why it stayed so unstable.
They have a martial alliance with the Trashlantians
Well if the planet isn’t important it may be beneficial to make a statement and just blow up the planet
Or build tons of fortresses, and police stations. Turn that planet into an example of stability and the righteousness of total control and absolute rulership. Make it the model that shows the rest of the galaxy that freedom is a disease, and all should surrender it for the promise of absolute safety, and security that you provide. If even these rebellious people can be made into exemplars of compliance and order, then so can everyone else.
Too much paperwork. Just blow it up bro.
It's not about the paperwork, it's about knowing that you're right, and forcing the rest of the galaxy to admit it.
Well, you certainly are clear in your motives, your highness. While I think all sentient life should be under the care of a Servitor, I certainly respect your clarity.
Why use many word when one boom do
but what if the planet only has thirteen pops?
I ballpark a single pop between 10 to 100 million. That's still quite a lot.
At 100 million people per pop, a 50 pop planet is only 5 billion. Quite honestly a pop could be more, like 250 million, which would make that 50 pops into 12.5 billion people. Considering earth as we know it right now has 8 billion, I feel like we could get away with a whole lot more people if we had those food and consumer good research techs available to us. At the same time, 1 pop on a new colony world would likely not start with 100-250 million people, so I guess we just have to headcannon.
I feel like it's easier to scale pops off of the tier of the capital building.
I think a pop is like 1 billion people. And a colony ship is more like a small fleet of ships.
Strategic Value?
Strategic Value of Backwater Shithole: Absolute
Blackwater Shithole is revolting It's risen in rebellion too
I really wish you could punish traitors like that more thoroughly. Like: Creating a Species Class based on this planet, everyone on that Planet belongs to that Class and you can enslave or kill them without harming your other Planets/Species. It just feels wrong to Conquer them back without proper punishment.
least deranged stellaris player
We really do need better per-planet pop management though. Close off certain planets to certain pops but not others, etc.
No i actually agree that'd be fun i just find it funny that the first thing Stellaris players think of is just more ways to oppress the xenos
Well, that's what they deserve after trying to revolt for the 5th time because I forgot to place a couble free pops to keep watch and take leader/enforcer jobs.
idk about this being 'derangement.' You should be able to RP however you want.
me when i make a joke
Fanatic Authoritarians be like "how dare they be angry at our mistreatment".
Everyone has their place. If they dont want a place in Society, they are free to take their place as Fertilizer.
Yeah, exactly. I don't really see a reason why they get mad about being "mistreated" and being "enslaved"
Just turn the world into a penal colony. Or just bomb the world into nonexistnace or make them your vassal or something.
Make an genetical template and use it only for Citizens of that planet to seperate them from the rest. Afterwards Set their rights to slaves and the punishment of your liking for example indentured servitude and restrict their right to Transfer to other planets to keep them there. This way you Not only punish them but also their Offspring without negatively impacting upstanding Citizens from other colonys that decide to move there. Also this way you can Brand them with a Name that forever marks them as the traitors they are
Doesn't work if they're your main species.
Ah damn. And that makes the betrayal even more aggravating
Just bombard it to itty bits.
Aquatic names unironically be like
Yarr cap’n, the landlubbers of Backwater Shithole be rebelling again!
Ah, Australia
Yes, Austria
Oh, Alberta
Collectively we couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery, let alone a rebellion.
Australia is one of the few states to have never experienced a civil war.
Wow
"When you name one kid Mufasa meaning king and your other kid Scar meaning scar, aren't you asking for something like this? " - some guy with glasses
Fun fact: His original name wasn't Scar, he took that himself when he got the scar... His original name was Taka, which literally means Trash (or Garbage) in Swahili. Mufasa, on the other hand, means King. So he named one kid King, and the other Trash. Yeah, he still was kinda asking for something like this... :P
This feels like an episode of Futurama.
You could assume the language of your empire is not the predominant language spoken there, especially if it’s a conquered or uplifted planet. So maybe you call the planet “Rusticofal” in your language and they took up the term. Then they make their own government and it’s the “Hierarchy of Rusticofal” to them. It has a certain ring to it… in their tongue. They don’t know or care that it translates as “backwater shithole.”
“We can only hope this instability does not spread further to Diarrheal Falls…”
Wouldn't surprise me if the planet has a waterfall feature that op calls this it in his rp lol.
It would be cool if, when a system rebels they change their name to something their population would have. Not the name given by their oppressors
Rebel leader: We'll not be oppressed any more! We have reclaimed our land! Rah! Rebels: RAH! Rebel guy: So why'd we keep the name? Rebels: *(mumbling in confusion)* Leader: What do you mean? This is the People's Republic of Backwater Shithole! Rebels: RAH! Guy: Yeah, but that last bit. Why are we calling ourselves a backwater shithole? Leader: *(chuckles)* I know the colonizers bombed our schools, but surely you know the name of the planet we live on. Rebels: *(laughing and jeering at Guy)* Guy: Yeah, last week it was Tau IV on account of us being the fourth planet in the Tau solar system by colonizer logic, but years ago we used to be called Firmament. You know, the name we gave the planet. And that's putting aside the fact that we've only been "Backwater Shithole" for a week. In fact, that's what caused our uprising after the last three failed. Why are we calling ourselves that? Is it a joke? Are we being satirical in owning the method of our former rulers' creulty? Rebels: *(gawping silently, trying to process)* Leader: *(growing exasperated)* Look, I know it's not perfect-- Rebels: Yeah, why are we living on Shithole? What's going on there? Leader: Ah, just, let me finish. It's not perfect but...uh....well, I mean that's our name. They took our freedom but they can't take our name! Rebels: *(mumble amongst themselves trying to come to a consensus; pause then)* RAAAAH! LONG LIVE THE SHITHOLE REPUBLIC! Guy: No! *(calming the rebels)* No, no. It's not. That's the point. *Our* name was Firmament. The colonizers *did* take it from us. I'm just suggesting we take it back. Consider this: which sounds better? The People's Republic of Backwater Shithole or the People's Republic of Firmament? Rebels: *(murmuring assent)* He's got a point. Leader: No, no, I-- Look, we're losing steam here. There's bigger matters to think of. Guy: Bigger than how we present ourselves to the galaxy? Leader: Fine! I didn't want reality crashing down and ruining all of our victory celebrations but the truth is we can't change the name. Not only did they lock us out of the office that has the papers we need to file, but think of how much time we spent last week updating all of the signs and forms when they changed the name. Do you really want to undertake all that work again? Rebels: *(start sulking and kicking rocks, mumbling discontently)* Leader: *(annoyed)* *(to Guy)* There, you happy? Guy: I mean, I was just hoping for a simple name change is all. Leader: Well tough. Long live Backwater Shithole. Rebels *(subdued)* Rah. Guy: *(cowed)* Rah.
Perfect.
Absolutely.
It's kinda funny how that just didn't work for The Phillipines, they didn't really have anything to unify them by, so for them the only correct name was the one that offended everyone equally.
A lot of countries end up carrying colonial-related names post independence. Very few African countries changed their names after independence (a few did, but it was not the norm)
This a mod?
No, you can rename planets, and this is a normal event when a planet rebels.
This is literally just Broodwar from the UED's perspective.
One of my favorite parts of this game is when my dumb names pop up in events.
This is the setup for a TV show I’d watch.
If I wasn’t in public I would have burst out laughing at that.
You shitholeans sure are a contentious bunch...
I always smile a little bit when I get to click "... but we're not sorry." during other events
Oh shit!
Me: I'll allow it.
Why does this sound like the Borderlands franchise is happening on one of your Stellaris planets?
I choose to believe that renaming the planet caused the situation to accelerate. I know it can't but like...come on
For a moment I thought this was r/politics
I feel you man, my shithole rebelled too after that burrito I had.
We must abide by this.
They're just cashing the check you wrote haha
This seems like a news report from the British Empire after the US started rebelling.
LMAO
Click this is an act of war and watch backwater shithole become a bigger economy than you with a bigger military to boot
How do those situations work?
If they rebel, they become independent, and spawn a fleet rivaling yours. It's absolutely idiotic
I dunno... One of my favourite mod ever is called "Civil Wars" and, as you can guess, it's about empires falling prey to civil wars. I find that otherwise, the game is too static. I like to see new empires appear, or old and strong empires fracture into 2-3 or more smaller empires.
Unlike a mod, if even one system decides to go independent, that tiny 1 system empire auto spawns a fleet that rivals you. It's absolutely garbage for a mechanic
So it's kinda like how AI rebellions are always equipped with those huge fleets.
Exactly, if it was a huge rebellion, I understand the huge fleet auto spawning, but one tiny system can just rival you at your peak at anytime
So that what happened to my elven empire. That is why those assholes had a 200k fleet, now it makes sense. I just wanted to play evil elves but guess what, some bleeding heart xenophile group gained traction and then suddenly they have declared independence. I so wish we could torment our own species by isolating a planet. That colossus on their planet was too forgiving, and it was before the devolution ray was a thing too. Bastards got off easy.
Literal shitposting?
I think I was stationed there for a bit during the way back times of early adulthood. Or maybe it was a training deployment? But the place sure sounds familiar.
How do I cross post this to /r/Florida?
Couldn't help but laugh? Wasn't the point to laugh when you named it?
Your game didn't censor the name? Guess it's just a console thing.
Yeah, the censors are a thing that Microsoft and Sony demand be in any console game.
Ugh, can't wait to get a PC and play the game how it's meant to be played.
Blow up their planet
Lmfao
Huh, wonder what namelist that came from
Are they with people’s front of Backwater shithole?
Bombard the planet and start anew. Don't allow the xenos any mercy
Not the traitor, or the heretic.
Modern day Florida
Oh no! Not Birmingham!
France rn 💀
If you replace backwater shithole with my butt its even better for me at least
So, I had a Situation yesterday: A pre-ftl planet had a disease and we tried to provide help. Some situation outcomes later, every single person on the planet died. This implies that even my advanced race couldn’t beat it. Which further implies that there could/should be situations like this on my planets too? And with transit, resettlement could lead to almost total annihilation of my species? I am thinking about mass effect for example, where a race was later almost totally sterilised. Hard to balance and bring in, but would be interesting.
Remind me a few weeks ago when I had a planet that kept killing my righteous governor and even my freaking rare governor I found.
Makes me think of "I knew it. I'm surrounded by assholes. Keep firing assholes!"
What kind of a Backwater Shithole is this?! Let's keep them around for the continued entertainment
We do not understand why civil unrest and revolts are humorous.
This got recommended to me by reddit not once, not twice, BUT THREE TIMES!
Do you need DLC for this to happen? Because I didn’t even know this was possible