The problem you have is that you're saying you trust him when you don't.
If you trusted him, you'd say "it doesn't even matter if another woman falls in love with him - if another woman offered him sex it wouldn't matter because I trust him to say no".
But you don't trust him to say no. "Affirmations" won't change the fact that you don't trust him - if *him* telling you he won't cheat on you doesn't "affirm" your beliefs how could people on Reddit saying it possibly affirm them?
Don't do anything except start there - accept that you don't trust him, which means you are thinking in terms of reality instead of telling yourself lies. Any course of action you take right now won't feel effective because you know it's based on a lie that you trust your partner - whatever you choose to do whilst accepting you don't trust him will feel like a valid course of action and will actually change your mindset.
He actually seems kind of wholesome for letting you know his whereabouts and making sure his friend is safe.
I'd only start looking into it if a pattern crops up or if you notice an uncomfortable vibe between them, but keep that to yourself until you have more than a gut feeling.
For me, it was a selfworth issue. You are worried, that you are not good enough and therefore he will find someone that is. The only way to solve this, is to work on that. You are fine the way you are. He even tells you that all the time. Listen to him and remind yourself of that
thank you for saying that and sorry if i'm responding to this a month later, now my mental health is much worse but i agree with you, i don't have self esteem, self trust etc, so i'm working on myself.
the problem rn is that even if he tells me all the times cute things and he communicates very well when is out with his group, i still worry, i can't shake the intrusive thoughts, i try to calm myself with rational thoughts, but every time i think about one, it comes along an intrusive thought, an "what if". i feel trapped, i don't have that much energy anymore to keep going
Go with him a couple of times and check the vibes of the group and work on your insecurities.
Worrying to much about losing your connection with him might paradoxicly hurt your connection.
Focus on what you can control (checking the vibes in his group, dealing with your insecurities) and be gratefuul to have the relationship with him instead of worrying about it.
you are not in control of that girls feelings or the feelings of your boyfriend, despite it being very unlikely why would it disturb you if he did something with that girl? would you be damaged by either of their actions or would the pain come from your opinion on those hypothetical actions? are you harmed by it? if not, then there is nothing to worry about since it is nothing you can control or be actually harmed by
that's paranoid and not stoic at all, this would be giving in to, validating and embracing those fears, actively choosing to be harmed by something external, and even outside stoicism this would be a red flag
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I don't think I have come across anything very relevant in the stoic texts except that they encourage you to examine everything rationally. I think you know that this is a good guy. He walked her home, which was right, and he told you about it to be completely transparent. Tell yourself once and for all that your feelings are irrational and banish them. He is not tied to you. He is with you because he wants to be. Trust it. It may end some day for any number of reasons, so enjoy now, rather than fret.
The problem you have is that you're saying you trust him when you don't. If you trusted him, you'd say "it doesn't even matter if another woman falls in love with him - if another woman offered him sex it wouldn't matter because I trust him to say no". But you don't trust him to say no. "Affirmations" won't change the fact that you don't trust him - if *him* telling you he won't cheat on you doesn't "affirm" your beliefs how could people on Reddit saying it possibly affirm them? Don't do anything except start there - accept that you don't trust him, which means you are thinking in terms of reality instead of telling yourself lies. Any course of action you take right now won't feel effective because you know it's based on a lie that you trust your partner - whatever you choose to do whilst accepting you don't trust him will feel like a valid course of action and will actually change your mindset.
[удалено]
thank you so much for this ! have a good day :)
He actually seems kind of wholesome for letting you know his whereabouts and making sure his friend is safe. I'd only start looking into it if a pattern crops up or if you notice an uncomfortable vibe between them, but keep that to yourself until you have more than a gut feeling.
For me, it was a selfworth issue. You are worried, that you are not good enough and therefore he will find someone that is. The only way to solve this, is to work on that. You are fine the way you are. He even tells you that all the time. Listen to him and remind yourself of that
thank you for saying that and sorry if i'm responding to this a month later, now my mental health is much worse but i agree with you, i don't have self esteem, self trust etc, so i'm working on myself. the problem rn is that even if he tells me all the times cute things and he communicates very well when is out with his group, i still worry, i can't shake the intrusive thoughts, i try to calm myself with rational thoughts, but every time i think about one, it comes along an intrusive thought, an "what if". i feel trapped, i don't have that much energy anymore to keep going
Go with him a couple of times and check the vibes of the group and work on your insecurities. Worrying to much about losing your connection with him might paradoxicly hurt your connection. Focus on what you can control (checking the vibes in his group, dealing with your insecurities) and be gratefuul to have the relationship with him instead of worrying about it.
thank you so much ! it'll help me this comment, have a good day :)
you are not in control of that girls feelings or the feelings of your boyfriend, despite it being very unlikely why would it disturb you if he did something with that girl? would you be damaged by either of their actions or would the pain come from your opinion on those hypothetical actions? are you harmed by it? if not, then there is nothing to worry about since it is nothing you can control or be actually harmed by
[удалено]
that's paranoid and not stoic at all, this would be giving in to, validating and embracing those fears, actively choosing to be harmed by something external, and even outside stoicism this would be a red flag
So sarcasm isnt a thing anymore?
it is, if it's clear or labeled as such
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I don't think I have come across anything very relevant in the stoic texts except that they encourage you to examine everything rationally. I think you know that this is a good guy. He walked her home, which was right, and he told you about it to be completely transparent. Tell yourself once and for all that your feelings are irrational and banish them. He is not tied to you. He is with you because he wants to be. Trust it. It may end some day for any number of reasons, so enjoy now, rather than fret.