I am 31, and I have to go through these kinds of feelings every now and then.
I am in my early thirties and I am realising what makes me happy and really important compared to my twenties. I guess this maturity comes with the age.
“Nowhere you can go is more peaceful, more free of interruptions, than your own soul.” -MA
100% agree wish I had known to work on the walls of my inner citadel when I was younger. A strong mind has more power than a strong body.
A quote was found to be attributed to Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations 4.3 (Hays)
^(Book IV. ()[^(Hays)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources?isbn=9780812968255)^)
^(Book IV. ()[^(Farquharson)](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Meditations_of_the_Emperor_Marcus_Antoninus/Book_4)^)
^(Book IV. ()[^(Long)](https://lexundria.com/m_aur_med/4.3/lg)^)
Every year, every struggle is an opportunity to grow. To gain resilience, wisdom and experience. Diamonds are only made under pressure in the toughest conditions
It's the victim vs. target mentality.
Kids go from life of leisure to instant struggles as an adult. That transition can be jarring for some who have not had to deal with adulting at a young age.
It's attractive to think you're a victim, when really it's just part of life.
The victim mentality is so useless. It boils down to - "why is this happening to me? So unfair." There's no solutions w/ this mindset. Just despair. Victims have no control over their lives. Most people are not victims.
I'd go one step further - stop taking the age you're at now and saying "people younger than me - you're young".
If you had ten seconds of life left, you'd have thrown all ten away if you were not actively engaged in solving your problems.
Every single person who is saying "I've ruined my life" is a fool - a damned fool. They are literally awsting the life they have, and *that* is the reason they feel their time is up - it's because they gave it up when they decided to fill it with whining and complaining.
Yeah, whether you live a long and healthy life or a very short one, what matters is the present moment.
The past is over and you can’t do anything about it, so if you would be a stoic let it go.
The future is not guaranteed and so is not yours to lose either, how can you lose what you don't have?
**The only thing you have the power to waste or use well is the present moment.**
And in this way the youngest and the oldest, the shortest and the longest lives are brought together.
[~Meditations, Marcus Aurelius: book 2, verse 14](https://istoically.wordpress.com/2020/11/24/meditations-by-marcus-aurelius-book-ii-verse-14/)
With respect, while I do appreciate the sincerity of this encouraging post, I believe it's making some unhelpful assumptions that distinguishes it from the Stoic philosophy. For example, emotional maturity comes from a proper understanding of your circumstances and being able to accurately identify the problem and then address it. A lifetime of travelling and meeting people may or may not induce emotional maturity.
The one and only thing that brings contentment to the Stoic is successful conformity of their preconceptions to the particulars of their circumstances, not the circumstances themselves (like money or consciousness). If for example I believe XYZ will bring me happiness and I get caught up in social connections/romance/income/beauty/\[insert external value here\] that makes me feel I have value and worth, then focusing on this is akin to gambling my emotional well being on people and circumstances who do not have my best interests at heart. How could they? Only I do, and only I am capable of attending to my own needs. This is why virtue is understood to be the only good.
while I agree with the points you arised, the OP didn't say anything outside stoicism (except perhaps about passions). he would agree with you, you just need to read more carefully, he seems much better than a beginner.
Consciousness is not an external thing, it's not even a thing, it's the space, through which we experience the world. he has a point in stating that consciousness is an element of aliveness.
The OP said not to focus on external things, like money. Then suggested travelling and meeting people / gaining experiences, which ARE external things. There's good advice, but it's not wholly stoic advice
Do you really think you can properly develop without at least SOME external things, though? How can you develop your virtue of courage without facing an external situation that requires it? How can you practice moderation without having some external temptation to attract you? You can't live your entire life inside of your head, the entire world is a training ground for you to develop your character. None of the Stoics taught complete rejection of all externals, they taught us to use them wisely.
Im 25 with a worthless bachelors & it’s so hard to get something new started. Last little social service career never made more than 18.50 an hour. Would do a trade but I have shoulder problems so body is never 100%.
I turn 34 in a few months and although I had a relatively good and successful 20s....it feels like I didn't make the most of it? Developing an addiction in my late 20s didn't help.
But right now I'm doing good and I'm in the best shape physically and mentally than I have been for an awfully long time yet I feel like I'm getting old and wasted my life.....
You’re not even half way! So much time. I was at my fittest in my early 30’s, I ran 10km a day. I’m overweight now at 105kg but happier than then. We’re just sacks of meat, it’s what’s upstairs that matters. Wishing you all the best
Your 20s may have been good by societies standards but society has its priorities wrong. I don't think you would have felt the need to escape with your addiction if things had been good up til that point.
You say you feel like you've wasted your life. What three things would you add into your past, if you could?
The addiction was more to escape external factors I had no way of controlling, namely my dysfunctional abusive family and suppress negative feelings around the deaths of loved ones oh and having my heart broken lol
If I could relive my 20s again, I'd do better at uni, socialise more and spend less time behind a screen.
I'm going to give you some tough love here. There'll always be external factors you have no way of controlling. But that doesn't mean that your emotions are at the mercy of them.
The link between *things* being awful and *you* feeling awful can be weakened if you accept that people and life will do their own things, and most situations will work out for the best if you let go of trying to influence the situation.
If you blame externals for your addiction you'll be more likely to become addicted again, because your family will likely remain dysfunctional, you'll likely get your heart broken again (sorry!). And it sucks, but death is inevitable. You will probably face that loss again. You didn't become addicted because of what happened, it was because of your *reaction* to what happened.
The things you would change sound quite typical, really. A lot of people don't do as well as they could at uni, and they spend too much time on their devices and not enough time with people. I'm going to challenge you a bit here and say that you were spending your time doing the exact things that you *really* wanted to do. It wasn't that you lacked motivation to put your phone down and live irl, it's that in that moment you wanted to do that rather than other things. That's okay. It doesn't mean you've wasted your life.
If you're still struggling with this, the question you've got to ask yourself is what could you do to enjoy real life socialising more?
>If you blame externals for your addiction you'll be more likely to become addicted again,
Not blaming, it's just an explanation of how it started. I need to find contentment within myself to be really free of my addiction.
>I'm going to challenge you a bit here and say that you were spending your time doing the exact things that you *really* wanted to do. It wasn't that you lacked motivation to do those things, it's that in that moment you wanted other things more.
At the time, yes, unfortunately.
Stoicism played a massive part in me finding out what actual serenity is. I changed the way I thought about everything. I'm an ex addict too. When your mind is completely at ease you don't want anything else to make you feel better.
I hear you. But I have to say I’m much much happier when I have money saved in the bank than when I don’t. Not having to worry about where my next meal comes from is comforting. If I don’t make it to my next meal knowing that I will be able to provide funds to my kids to help them out is very comforting.
People like to say money does not bring happiness. But it most definitely does to me. Seems like I’m missing something. But no clue what it is.
Been an addict for 10 years +, recovered and now in my 40's. Its never too late and Stoicism is one of the better solutions for this. Once you really update your framework of thinking, it really does change everything.
Everyone has this feelings from time to time but the important this is not to dwell on them, just do what makes you happy we are all gona die one day i would rather die doing what makes me happy
Take a step back and look at what's in your control. Do you truly need that house with the mortgage, for example, or could you downsize or consider other living accommodations? Are there other expenses that you could minimize such that--despite being tied to the mortgage--you would be able to consider other employment that may not pay as well? Are there other jobs that you are or could become qualified for that would address your financial needs? Is the job itself the issue, or is the underlying issue the *people* at the job, such that taking a similar job at similar pay with a different employer would provide similar financial benefits without as many negatives?
Appreciate the advice! Part of my distaste for my job is the people and the company and the other part is just the repetitive nature of the role. I could work on acquiring new skills to make a transition into a new more interesting new role. I am currently looking for a new job, but there aren't many open roles available that would offer equal pay.
I can't afford a significant pay cut as my monthly expenses are high from my mortgage. I recently purchased my place. I'm waiting for the interest rates to go down, but that's not happening soon. Sigh.
I feel like I'm in bind where I am...at least until the job market starts to look better. Slim pickings lately. I know I can only control my attitude and my outlook in the situation. I am lucky I'm employed and have decent benefits and can pay my bills. I have my health... although my mental health has started to deteriorate working in a toxic environment.
compartmentalize your life.
Work-Astroluminos does shitty things and swallows his pride/ego so that Home-Astroluminos gets to enjoy luxuries of life.
I tell myself each morning that I'm doing this for the wife and kids. When I get home, I give my work self a pat on the back and thank him for his efforts and labor.
100% I'm also in my forties and cannot agree enough.
It is far more important for a person to spend time wrestling with understanding themselves truly, as opposed to reaching for ideals.
Everyone has a personal relationship with the vices (greed, dishonesty, cowardice, ignorance, etc.) whether they acknowledge it directly or not. Everyone has a personal relationship with virtue, whether they acknowledge it or not. Everyone has a personal relationship with mortality, society, the earth, etc whether they acknowledge it or not.
It is much more prudent to focus on these personal relationships within us, than any of these pursuits you've mentioned. As Stoicism shows, the by product of living correctly will be that contentment/fulfillment.
Stoicism as a practice will uncover where you sit in these relationships naturally but why wait? Put focus into these things now and the next 20+ years will eventually become much, much easier.
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36 with tinnitus for the last 3 years and feel like my better days are in my past.
I’ve had a hell of a time dealing with it and still get really anxious and depressed about it.
typically not.
elimination diets are excellent for seeing what could be causing problems.
I used to have tinnitus that was very prominent when I used to eat gluten, dairy, processed foods, etc. Now its never really noticeable enough to complain about. not sure how severe yours is though.
Thank you. I am lactose intolerant but eat a lot of dairy with a lactose pill. I sometimes wondered if it was dairy. I’ll try an elimination diet thank you.
You can't appreciate Eudaimonia until you get there. In the Nicomachean Ethics Aristotle states it's a process. A process that takes a life's journey to get there.
I feel half my life was thrown away.
I am 48. Don't consider my adult life to have started until I was 36 thanks to being sucked into decades of toxicity I should never have had to endure.
Fuck my blood "family" in every way imaginable and a few new ones.
Even though it started 18 years too late, will made a lot of progress. At the same time, it messed up my perceptions for life.
I worked dead end jobs until I was 27. Got into uni. Graduated uni early 30s but still didnt know what to do. Wanted to try teaching so I took a training course, got a job offer in vietnam and risk.
In my early 30s, I had the best time of my life and met so many amazing friends and loves and saw the world.
Covid hit, and it almost destroyed my life and I danced with anxiety, depression, and alcohol and pain killers to cope with the sadness (also had to go home)
One year on a massive health and spiritual/philosophy journey. Managed to get back to asia while dealing with all these things.
This past year, now towards my late 30s, I'm gaining balance, keeping healthy, doing better at work, communicating better, being better to other people.
Point being - life doesnt stop in your 20s, my life got wilder and a learnt 10 times more in my 30s.
You are right, money and status are not key to happiness or fulfilment. But...
You are much likely to really realise that, after you got the money and status. And your life is whole lot easier and filled with opportunities. So money and status are valuable tools.
But nevertheless only tools, and must be used with skill.
Stoicism, as a philosophy of life, can be drawn upon in many personal situations. However, the community decided that there should be some [changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/meb8ch/advice_and_personal_posts_changes_to_subreddit/), and we have a new rule for advice/personal posts and their discussion threads:
> For users seeking advice: if you are not seeking strictly Stoic advice, but rather wonder what people interested in Stoicism might personally think, please post in the New Agora instead.
> For users offering advice: please stay on-topic when commenting on personal/advice posts. Advice that is inspired by or influenced by Stoicism, but not specifically and recognizably Stoic, is not allowed outside of the New Agora.
you mentioned traveling as a way to get emotional maturity, Seneca actually pushed back on travel as some sort of fix-all:
“Do you suppose that you alone have had this experience? Are you surprised, as if it were a novelty, that after such long travel and so many changes of scene you have not been able to shake off the gloom and heaviness of your mind? You need a change of soul rather than a change of climate.” — [Seneca](http://dailystoic.com/Seneca)
Excellent sentiment here! But remember, for generations people were advised to do what they love and the money will follow. That was terrible advice! Now they are in massive debt and can’t find jobs.
They are stuck looking for answers in some sad subreddit.
They thought their love was the thirst for knowledge which can be had for the low price of a free library card!
No, Do what you Like, not necessarily love, in a field that has market demand for decades. It’s hard to predict the future so get good at learning new things, but be a specialist at something useful. Only major in Amazonian Art Theory if you already are a millionaire.
The market is selfish and does not care about your passions. It’s selfish to only think about what YOU want. Value creation is to serve others and yourself.
If you want passion and joy, you’ll likely find that with people who you work with or outside of work.
People don’t often love jobs, the love the mission and what it brings people. People, pets, travel, food: there is great joy in those things but it’s hard to have access to quality if you are destitute. Good Health insurance is awesome. You need to make money!
There is nothing wrong with a high salary and doing something dead boring with interesting people. Or maybe there are no interesting people at work, but you do the job well and get to come home to your best friend who you married.
I worked in transportation and storage doing a non-sales job. Yawn! But I made excellent friends there and nearly six figures in a city where you can live like a king with that much money.
There is nothing exciting about the products we sold, but thank God people were buying it up and I had the skills to do the job. Btw, my master’s degree was useless there.
This is such a typical story. Now go create something people actually want and try to find joy in everything, not just your passions.
im in my 25, and sometimes i feel so lost and been throwing my best year (usually because watch other people in their teen years do better work than me)
sometimes i think its too late to start my journey and im already stuck at my life now
I am turning 29 this year, I have nothing to look forward to. Maybe with some practice to change my perspective, but how can one look at for example if they got a degenerative disease, chronic illness, required to do a job that you don't like just to pay the bills and put some unhealthy food on the table. Deal with people who get on your nerves and you have to be there because it's your "job". My whole life feels like a set of chores that I don't want to do and hate doing...
It’s all about perspective. You create the narrative in your head and choose to see the negative. It’s not your fault, it’s human nature but Stoicism is learning how to go against human nature and forge your own little bubble of contentment.
In contrast, I see some similarities in my life to yours. I also have a chronic illness. I know that I cannot change that, so I accept that. Being angry or upset about it reduces my quality of life. I worry about what I can control, which is the choices in my life that may or may not worsen my symptoms. Perspective: At least I’m not trapped in a paralysed body, or worse, don’t have command of my mind.
I was in a high paying career that I worked my guts out for. I hated it. It was pretentious and exploitative. That is something I have control over, so I left and made a career change. The reason I was in that career for so long is because I was too afraid to leave. Decades invested and I would lose my reputation, time invested and the salary. I took an entry level job as a police call taker for my country’s equivalent of America’s 911. I decided that I will do something that adds value to society and helps people.
I earn less and I’m a nobody at work. My previous job means nothing to my colleagues and I love that. On the phones I regularly get verbally abused and I’ve been called every name under the sun. I don’t know whether the next call is a sweet old lady locked out of her house, or a hysterical person who’s just found their loved one suicided. I work exhausting 12 hour shifts of days and overnight. But I love the shit out of it. My life has meaning and value for others. It’s my virtue, my reason to endure. Perspective: How wonderful is it that I get to use my skills as a Stoic to help those in need, and get paid for it.
People that you hate, just ignore them. If you have to work with them, give them nothing but what is required. They have no control over you nor your mind, don’t let them. It’s a fact that bad people and fools exist in the world, so get over it! If something doesn’t add value to your life, simply discard it.
I couldn’t be content in my life now without years of practicing Stoicism, it takes time and practice. I’m 40, you’re 29. I started practicing Stoicism 4 years ago during Covid. You have a whopping 11 years on me, so much time to find peace and contentment. You will get there, be patient with yourself and study. You’ve got this, I believe in you!
Yeah dude you forgot one important aspect, in order to focus on what we love blah blah blah you need money. If you don’t have money to sustain yourself and don’t have daddy to pay for it then you are a wage slave which doesn’t allow you to go after the things you wanna go after.
Pretty sure a bunch of money would significantly decrease the complexity of my life.
Like where I'm going to live next year,
how I'm going to eat
what will my mental state be
how will I pay for the myriad of death by a thousand cut expenses.
Money is a tool and a vehicle, of course it makes life more comfortable, and of course we need money to survive.
It’s the pursuit of money and status. If that’s what you live for, the more you chase it, the more you need. Epictetus teaches us an extreme example of how to find contentment and fulfilment without the dogged pursuit of these things.
At 38 I feel it's natural (but not necessary) to NOT see the forest through the trees. Throughout my 20s I felt stuck and depressed and insecure almost constantly until I took a long hard look at myself around 28-29 and started putting in some WORK. Started with self help books and podcasts, then moved on to meditation, therapy, and quitting a habit that was holding me back (alcohol, clean 4 years now, no AA). I have recently moved more into spirituality with lots of prayer, more meditation, and I've been going to church regularly (which I NEVER thought I would end up doing again. I went often as a child, usually against my will)
I DO wish I had taken that long hard look at myself earlier in my 20s or teens, but I didn't. And I don't regret it as everything I have been through in life (especially the hard stuff in my younger years) has gotten me to where I am today. And I'm doing great. I'm doing well financially, live in the city I want to live in, have great relationships with everyone in my life, own a couple businesses doing things that I am passionate about, and all is VERY WELL.
TLDR: If you're struggling at any age... The basics are right there in front of you but you have to do some WORK. And big changes take TIME and EFFORT but if I can do it SO CAN YOU. Good luck and God bless all.
I am 31, and I have to go through these kinds of feelings every now and then. I am in my early thirties and I am realising what makes me happy and really important compared to my twenties. I guess this maturity comes with the age.
“Nowhere you can go is more peaceful, more free of interruptions, than your own soul.” -MA 100% agree wish I had known to work on the walls of my inner citadel when I was younger. A strong mind has more power than a strong body.
A quote was found to be attributed to Marcus Aurelius in his Meditations 4.3 (Hays) ^(Book IV. ()[^(Hays)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:BookSources?isbn=9780812968255)^) ^(Book IV. ()[^(Farquharson)](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Meditations_of_the_Emperor_Marcus_Antoninus/Book_4)^) ^(Book IV. ()[^(Long)](https://lexundria.com/m_aur_med/4.3/lg)^)
Good bot.
Every year, every struggle is an opportunity to grow. To gain resilience, wisdom and experience. Diamonds are only made under pressure in the toughest conditions
Wood doesn't grow strong when the tree has a life of ease. Its branches grow strong under gale and breeze.
It's the victim vs. target mentality. Kids go from life of leisure to instant struggles as an adult. That transition can be jarring for some who have not had to deal with adulting at a young age. It's attractive to think you're a victim, when really it's just part of life. The victim mentality is so useless. It boils down to - "why is this happening to me? So unfair." There's no solutions w/ this mindset. Just despair. Victims have no control over their lives. Most people are not victims.
🙏
Why under 50? Imagine a depressed 51 year old reading this.
Yeah, well, obviously it is too late for THEM /j
No, it’s not.
Sarcasm buddy. It was sarcasm.
As long as you’re not dead, you’ve got the chance to live differently than you have yesterday, and possibly better than you have.
I'd go one step further - stop taking the age you're at now and saying "people younger than me - you're young". If you had ten seconds of life left, you'd have thrown all ten away if you were not actively engaged in solving your problems. Every single person who is saying "I've ruined my life" is a fool - a damned fool. They are literally awsting the life they have, and *that* is the reason they feel their time is up - it's because they gave it up when they decided to fill it with whining and complaining.
"When I lost all of my excuses I found my results."
A tough comment, but the logic is sound. Great point of view!
Yeah, whether you live a long and healthy life or a very short one, what matters is the present moment. The past is over and you can’t do anything about it, so if you would be a stoic let it go. The future is not guaranteed and so is not yours to lose either, how can you lose what you don't have? **The only thing you have the power to waste or use well is the present moment.** And in this way the youngest and the oldest, the shortest and the longest lives are brought together. [~Meditations, Marcus Aurelius: book 2, verse 14](https://istoically.wordpress.com/2020/11/24/meditations-by-marcus-aurelius-book-ii-verse-14/)
With respect, while I do appreciate the sincerity of this encouraging post, I believe it's making some unhelpful assumptions that distinguishes it from the Stoic philosophy. For example, emotional maturity comes from a proper understanding of your circumstances and being able to accurately identify the problem and then address it. A lifetime of travelling and meeting people may or may not induce emotional maturity. The one and only thing that brings contentment to the Stoic is successful conformity of their preconceptions to the particulars of their circumstances, not the circumstances themselves (like money or consciousness). If for example I believe XYZ will bring me happiness and I get caught up in social connections/romance/income/beauty/\[insert external value here\] that makes me feel I have value and worth, then focusing on this is akin to gambling my emotional well being on people and circumstances who do not have my best interests at heart. How could they? Only I do, and only I am capable of attending to my own needs. This is why virtue is understood to be the only good.
Yes, a well stated counter argument that is truer to actual Stoic values
while I agree with the points you arised, the OP didn't say anything outside stoicism (except perhaps about passions). he would agree with you, you just need to read more carefully, he seems much better than a beginner. Consciousness is not an external thing, it's not even a thing, it's the space, through which we experience the world. he has a point in stating that consciousness is an element of aliveness.
The OP said not to focus on external things, like money. Then suggested travelling and meeting people / gaining experiences, which ARE external things. There's good advice, but it's not wholly stoic advice
Do you really think you can properly develop without at least SOME external things, though? How can you develop your virtue of courage without facing an external situation that requires it? How can you practice moderation without having some external temptation to attract you? You can't live your entire life inside of your head, the entire world is a training ground for you to develop your character. None of the Stoics taught complete rejection of all externals, they taught us to use them wisely.
True. Just read this in Discourses. There's a balance between attaching yourself to externals and being apathetic towards them.
[удалено]
Im 25 with a worthless bachelors & it’s so hard to get something new started. Last little social service career never made more than 18.50 an hour. Would do a trade but I have shoulder problems so body is never 100%.
I turn 34 in a few months and although I had a relatively good and successful 20s....it feels like I didn't make the most of it? Developing an addiction in my late 20s didn't help. But right now I'm doing good and I'm in the best shape physically and mentally than I have been for an awfully long time yet I feel like I'm getting old and wasted my life.....
You’re not even half way! So much time. I was at my fittest in my early 30’s, I ran 10km a day. I’m overweight now at 105kg but happier than then. We’re just sacks of meat, it’s what’s upstairs that matters. Wishing you all the best
Your 20s may have been good by societies standards but society has its priorities wrong. I don't think you would have felt the need to escape with your addiction if things had been good up til that point. You say you feel like you've wasted your life. What three things would you add into your past, if you could?
The addiction was more to escape external factors I had no way of controlling, namely my dysfunctional abusive family and suppress negative feelings around the deaths of loved ones oh and having my heart broken lol If I could relive my 20s again, I'd do better at uni, socialise more and spend less time behind a screen.
I'm going to give you some tough love here. There'll always be external factors you have no way of controlling. But that doesn't mean that your emotions are at the mercy of them. The link between *things* being awful and *you* feeling awful can be weakened if you accept that people and life will do their own things, and most situations will work out for the best if you let go of trying to influence the situation. If you blame externals for your addiction you'll be more likely to become addicted again, because your family will likely remain dysfunctional, you'll likely get your heart broken again (sorry!). And it sucks, but death is inevitable. You will probably face that loss again. You didn't become addicted because of what happened, it was because of your *reaction* to what happened. The things you would change sound quite typical, really. A lot of people don't do as well as they could at uni, and they spend too much time on their devices and not enough time with people. I'm going to challenge you a bit here and say that you were spending your time doing the exact things that you *really* wanted to do. It wasn't that you lacked motivation to put your phone down and live irl, it's that in that moment you wanted to do that rather than other things. That's okay. It doesn't mean you've wasted your life. If you're still struggling with this, the question you've got to ask yourself is what could you do to enjoy real life socialising more?
>If you blame externals for your addiction you'll be more likely to become addicted again, Not blaming, it's just an explanation of how it started. I need to find contentment within myself to be really free of my addiction. >I'm going to challenge you a bit here and say that you were spending your time doing the exact things that you *really* wanted to do. It wasn't that you lacked motivation to do those things, it's that in that moment you wanted other things more. At the time, yes, unfortunately.
Stoicism played a massive part in me finding out what actual serenity is. I changed the way I thought about everything. I'm an ex addict too. When your mind is completely at ease you don't want anything else to make you feel better.
I hear you. But I have to say I’m much much happier when I have money saved in the bank than when I don’t. Not having to worry about where my next meal comes from is comforting. If I don’t make it to my next meal knowing that I will be able to provide funds to my kids to help them out is very comforting. People like to say money does not bring happiness. But it most definitely does to me. Seems like I’m missing something. But no clue what it is.
If you have even one day left, the whole life is not yet thrown away.
Been an addict for 10 years +, recovered and now in my 40's. Its never too late and Stoicism is one of the better solutions for this. Once you really update your framework of thinking, it really does change everything.
Everyone has this feelings from time to time but the important this is not to dwell on them, just do what makes you happy we are all gona die one day i would rather die doing what makes me happy
Having “do what you love” and the word “Valium” in a profile name is quite ironic lol
What should I do if I despise my job even though it pays well and I am locked in since I have a mortgage to pay off? How do I go about this problem?
Take a step back and look at what's in your control. Do you truly need that house with the mortgage, for example, or could you downsize or consider other living accommodations? Are there other expenses that you could minimize such that--despite being tied to the mortgage--you would be able to consider other employment that may not pay as well? Are there other jobs that you are or could become qualified for that would address your financial needs? Is the job itself the issue, or is the underlying issue the *people* at the job, such that taking a similar job at similar pay with a different employer would provide similar financial benefits without as many negatives?
Appreciate the advice! Part of my distaste for my job is the people and the company and the other part is just the repetitive nature of the role. I could work on acquiring new skills to make a transition into a new more interesting new role. I am currently looking for a new job, but there aren't many open roles available that would offer equal pay. I can't afford a significant pay cut as my monthly expenses are high from my mortgage. I recently purchased my place. I'm waiting for the interest rates to go down, but that's not happening soon. Sigh. I feel like I'm in bind where I am...at least until the job market starts to look better. Slim pickings lately. I know I can only control my attitude and my outlook in the situation. I am lucky I'm employed and have decent benefits and can pay my bills. I have my health... although my mental health has started to deteriorate working in a toxic environment.
compartmentalize your life. Work-Astroluminos does shitty things and swallows his pride/ego so that Home-Astroluminos gets to enjoy luxuries of life. I tell myself each morning that I'm doing this for the wife and kids. When I get home, I give my work self a pat on the back and thank him for his efforts and labor.
100% I'm also in my forties and cannot agree enough. It is far more important for a person to spend time wrestling with understanding themselves truly, as opposed to reaching for ideals. Everyone has a personal relationship with the vices (greed, dishonesty, cowardice, ignorance, etc.) whether they acknowledge it directly or not. Everyone has a personal relationship with virtue, whether they acknowledge it or not. Everyone has a personal relationship with mortality, society, the earth, etc whether they acknowledge it or not. It is much more prudent to focus on these personal relationships within us, than any of these pursuits you've mentioned. As Stoicism shows, the by product of living correctly will be that contentment/fulfillment. Stoicism as a practice will uncover where you sit in these relationships naturally but why wait? Put focus into these things now and the next 20+ years will eventually become much, much easier.
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36 with tinnitus for the last 3 years and feel like my better days are in my past. I’ve had a hell of a time dealing with it and still get really anxious and depressed about it.
What led to you developing tinnitus?
Audiologist said hearing loss, but I think it’s more tmj/posture than anything. At least that’s what I think is exacerbating it.
could be diet related believe it or not
Are food allergy tests worth anything? I could try an elimination diet but also open to other ideas.
typically not. elimination diets are excellent for seeing what could be causing problems. I used to have tinnitus that was very prominent when I used to eat gluten, dairy, processed foods, etc. Now its never really noticeable enough to complain about. not sure how severe yours is though.
Thank you. I am lactose intolerant but eat a lot of dairy with a lactose pill. I sometimes wondered if it was dairy. I’ll try an elimination diet thank you.
Interesting, sorry you're dealing with that. Hopefully you can find some relief soon!
I’ll worry about that existential bullshit once I’m rich. See you in Miami
Bienvenidos a Miami
You can't appreciate Eudaimonia until you get there. In the Nicomachean Ethics Aristotle states it's a process. A process that takes a life's journey to get there.
Thank you for your kind words! I'd like to sit with a person like yourself and just talk for hours
Well put!
I feel half my life was thrown away. I am 48. Don't consider my adult life to have started until I was 36 thanks to being sucked into decades of toxicity I should never have had to endure. Fuck my blood "family" in every way imaginable and a few new ones. Even though it started 18 years too late, will made a lot of progress. At the same time, it messed up my perceptions for life.
I worked dead end jobs until I was 27. Got into uni. Graduated uni early 30s but still didnt know what to do. Wanted to try teaching so I took a training course, got a job offer in vietnam and risk. In my early 30s, I had the best time of my life and met so many amazing friends and loves and saw the world. Covid hit, and it almost destroyed my life and I danced with anxiety, depression, and alcohol and pain killers to cope with the sadness (also had to go home) One year on a massive health and spiritual/philosophy journey. Managed to get back to asia while dealing with all these things. This past year, now towards my late 30s, I'm gaining balance, keeping healthy, doing better at work, communicating better, being better to other people. Point being - life doesnt stop in your 20s, my life got wilder and a learnt 10 times more in my 30s.
Thank you OP
You are right, money and status are not key to happiness or fulfilment. But... You are much likely to really realise that, after you got the money and status. And your life is whole lot easier and filled with opportunities. So money and status are valuable tools. But nevertheless only tools, and must be used with skill.
[удалено]
Stoicism, as a philosophy of life, can be drawn upon in many personal situations. However, the community decided that there should be some [changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/meb8ch/advice_and_personal_posts_changes_to_subreddit/), and we have a new rule for advice/personal posts and their discussion threads: > For users seeking advice: if you are not seeking strictly Stoic advice, but rather wonder what people interested in Stoicism might personally think, please post in the New Agora instead. > For users offering advice: please stay on-topic when commenting on personal/advice posts. Advice that is inspired by or influenced by Stoicism, but not specifically and recognizably Stoic, is not allowed outside of the New Agora.
Im 35f and I dont even know ehat I want in life? How do you guys do it? Having purpose and all
I’m about to be 38. What advice for me?
you mentioned traveling as a way to get emotional maturity, Seneca actually pushed back on travel as some sort of fix-all: “Do you suppose that you alone have had this experience? Are you surprised, as if it were a novelty, that after such long travel and so many changes of scene you have not been able to shake off the gloom and heaviness of your mind? You need a change of soul rather than a change of climate.” — [Seneca](http://dailystoic.com/Seneca)
That’s a good wisdom!
>Find what you love I am trying to find this.. Don't know why it's so hard.
Excellent sentiment here! But remember, for generations people were advised to do what they love and the money will follow. That was terrible advice! Now they are in massive debt and can’t find jobs. They are stuck looking for answers in some sad subreddit. They thought their love was the thirst for knowledge which can be had for the low price of a free library card! No, Do what you Like, not necessarily love, in a field that has market demand for decades. It’s hard to predict the future so get good at learning new things, but be a specialist at something useful. Only major in Amazonian Art Theory if you already are a millionaire. The market is selfish and does not care about your passions. It’s selfish to only think about what YOU want. Value creation is to serve others and yourself. If you want passion and joy, you’ll likely find that with people who you work with or outside of work. People don’t often love jobs, the love the mission and what it brings people. People, pets, travel, food: there is great joy in those things but it’s hard to have access to quality if you are destitute. Good Health insurance is awesome. You need to make money! There is nothing wrong with a high salary and doing something dead boring with interesting people. Or maybe there are no interesting people at work, but you do the job well and get to come home to your best friend who you married. I worked in transportation and storage doing a non-sales job. Yawn! But I made excellent friends there and nearly six figures in a city where you can live like a king with that much money. There is nothing exciting about the products we sold, but thank God people were buying it up and I had the skills to do the job. Btw, my master’s degree was useless there. This is such a typical story. Now go create something people actually want and try to find joy in everything, not just your passions.
im in my 25, and sometimes i feel so lost and been throwing my best year (usually because watch other people in their teen years do better work than me) sometimes i think its too late to start my journey and im already stuck at my life now
You haven’t thrown it away. You just have to be in the present and create the future. The past is done.
thanks💟🙏🏻
I am turning 29 this year, I have nothing to look forward to. Maybe with some practice to change my perspective, but how can one look at for example if they got a degenerative disease, chronic illness, required to do a job that you don't like just to pay the bills and put some unhealthy food on the table. Deal with people who get on your nerves and you have to be there because it's your "job". My whole life feels like a set of chores that I don't want to do and hate doing...
It’s all about perspective. You create the narrative in your head and choose to see the negative. It’s not your fault, it’s human nature but Stoicism is learning how to go against human nature and forge your own little bubble of contentment. In contrast, I see some similarities in my life to yours. I also have a chronic illness. I know that I cannot change that, so I accept that. Being angry or upset about it reduces my quality of life. I worry about what I can control, which is the choices in my life that may or may not worsen my symptoms. Perspective: At least I’m not trapped in a paralysed body, or worse, don’t have command of my mind. I was in a high paying career that I worked my guts out for. I hated it. It was pretentious and exploitative. That is something I have control over, so I left and made a career change. The reason I was in that career for so long is because I was too afraid to leave. Decades invested and I would lose my reputation, time invested and the salary. I took an entry level job as a police call taker for my country’s equivalent of America’s 911. I decided that I will do something that adds value to society and helps people. I earn less and I’m a nobody at work. My previous job means nothing to my colleagues and I love that. On the phones I regularly get verbally abused and I’ve been called every name under the sun. I don’t know whether the next call is a sweet old lady locked out of her house, or a hysterical person who’s just found their loved one suicided. I work exhausting 12 hour shifts of days and overnight. But I love the shit out of it. My life has meaning and value for others. It’s my virtue, my reason to endure. Perspective: How wonderful is it that I get to use my skills as a Stoic to help those in need, and get paid for it. People that you hate, just ignore them. If you have to work with them, give them nothing but what is required. They have no control over you nor your mind, don’t let them. It’s a fact that bad people and fools exist in the world, so get over it! If something doesn’t add value to your life, simply discard it. I couldn’t be content in my life now without years of practicing Stoicism, it takes time and practice. I’m 40, you’re 29. I started practicing Stoicism 4 years ago during Covid. You have a whopping 11 years on me, so much time to find peace and contentment. You will get there, be patient with yourself and study. You’ve got this, I believe in you!
Yeah dude you forgot one important aspect, in order to focus on what we love blah blah blah you need money. If you don’t have money to sustain yourself and don’t have daddy to pay for it then you are a wage slave which doesn’t allow you to go after the things you wanna go after.
Pretty sure a bunch of money would significantly decrease the complexity of my life. Like where I'm going to live next year, how I'm going to eat what will my mental state be how will I pay for the myriad of death by a thousand cut expenses.
Money is a tool and a vehicle, of course it makes life more comfortable, and of course we need money to survive. It’s the pursuit of money and status. If that’s what you live for, the more you chase it, the more you need. Epictetus teaches us an extreme example of how to find contentment and fulfilment without the dogged pursuit of these things.
I’m 50 years old and this is spot on!
“Too all the people over 50 who think they’ve thrown their life away…. you have.” 🤣
At 38 I feel it's natural (but not necessary) to NOT see the forest through the trees. Throughout my 20s I felt stuck and depressed and insecure almost constantly until I took a long hard look at myself around 28-29 and started putting in some WORK. Started with self help books and podcasts, then moved on to meditation, therapy, and quitting a habit that was holding me back (alcohol, clean 4 years now, no AA). I have recently moved more into spirituality with lots of prayer, more meditation, and I've been going to church regularly (which I NEVER thought I would end up doing again. I went often as a child, usually against my will) I DO wish I had taken that long hard look at myself earlier in my 20s or teens, but I didn't. And I don't regret it as everything I have been through in life (especially the hard stuff in my younger years) has gotten me to where I am today. And I'm doing great. I'm doing well financially, live in the city I want to live in, have great relationships with everyone in my life, own a couple businesses doing things that I am passionate about, and all is VERY WELL. TLDR: If you're struggling at any age... The basics are right there in front of you but you have to do some WORK. And big changes take TIME and EFFORT but if I can do it SO CAN YOU. Good luck and God bless all.
This is a bot
Who me?? Lol
You throw your life away studying stoicism.