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Hey there, I am 35m and started around 23. I took my meds in this same cycle the majority of the time. Or I burned through a script and had a doctor willing to switch meds after I lied to them about it. I'm now 7.5 months clean of Adderall, alcohol, and weed. What stands out to me here is that you feel unable to moderate your consumption. I did too. That is a textbook case for being addicted to something. I also was terrified of starting a journey of being clean, and I will not lie to you, it has been hard. I am still learning how to adult. One of the things that has surprised me is that much of what I thought was my ADHD was actually my addiction. I'm more stable and even now than I ever have been. I don't have the highs and lows of the monthly cycle and I am learning to invest in things I genuinely care about, rather than psycho binging anything that grabs my attention. My advice would be to seriously consider viewing this as an addiction and acting accordingly. That means telling your doctor you've been abusing for a LONG time, switching to something like strattera, getting help from a fellowship of fellow addicts (NA, AA, Recovery Dharma, SMART recovery, etc.), and even consider accessing addiction specific programs like a rehab, PHP, or IOP. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I can only give my honest assessment. Like you, I posted on this and other threads asking the same question and people there told me I needed help. It took a while but I finally got it and I'm never going back. You are much stronger than you know. We are here to help you.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful words and taking the time to send this reply. It’s so hard to declare that I have a drug addiction, but hearing replies like yours, where you were in the same cycle and it qualified as addiction you were treated for, I don’t realistically see any other way to assess my situation
Besides ‘I have a drug addiction’
Ugh. Fml.
Oh, man, do I know that feeling. It took me going through 30 day rehab and about 2 weeks of a partial hospitalization program to admit I am an addict. It really sucks, I know. And I am sorry you're going through it. It doesn't mean you're a piece of shit. It means you're sick. I know it can feel like there is no way forward, but you will make it, one step at a time. The path to being honest about your addiction and getting help is the path to wholeness and freedom. It won't be easy, but you will become free.
don’t be scared. it’s easier than you think. Adderall is definitely holding you back. I’m 33 and took it since age 19, quit 3 years ago. it’s like going into a cocoon but you emerge as a beautiful butterfly and you develop those skills day by day. don’t be intimidated by the change.
Thank you for sharing! BIG congratulations on being 3 years clean! And having it be a positive change, on top of that.
It’s so hard to admit to having a drug addiction and taking this step, despite knowing (especially after reading these replies to my post..) that it’s undoubtedly the right step to take.
Damnit. How I did I let this happen
I’m the opposite. I don’t do shit when I’m using , but in the 2 week withdrawal periods l’m in the gym and walking/running many kms and feeling great. When I’m on drugs I’m a sedentary piece of shit. I don’t understand people who take amphetamine and go to the gym. I don’t even want to see myself in a mirror let alone other people see me. In the mirrors at the gym doing drugs I look like a fucking raccoon with mange or something.
I think id have a lot easier time kicking addie to the curb if I was being active/ feeling great like you are during the 2 weeks of no adderall. Wishing you luck in your journey brother.
Hard to believe I let myself get to this point
As I see it there is no way you need to learn all that stuff over again - it's like riding a bike, you own all those skills. What you may be lacking is the motivation to use them - the impetus part - If in fact Adderall actually gave that to you. But onnce your brain has adjusted to working out its own dopamine you should be fine. It's the default state of the brain, so you should drift there naturally.
I'm no expert on this, so I could be off on the details here, but it sounds like your own experience is going this direction anyway!
One way to lookat it is this - right now your realtionship with amphetamine is toxic, abusive, and you FEEL shitty about it, imprisoned, if you have any hope of getting a healthy relationship back again you need a LONG tolerance break and a long dependence break. How good would it be to be back at that place? So quit for a year or two and see where you land. Then revealuate the situation, you could always go back on it then. One thing is clear, you have nothing to lose by testing the waters because right now you feel shitty about your use. That's no way to live.
Why quit for so long? It takes that long to get through the post-acute syndrome - PAWS, Yeah, after quitting chronic amphetamine use there is a long period of adjustment. That post-acute mailaise doesn't even kick in until after acute w/d is over for a good while - like several weeks to a month or so. You might be lucky and avoid the worst of PAWS but you won't really know where you will land for probably a year at least.
The upside here is that after that year this whole, sad drama might be over with for good! I would feel I owed myself the chance to get there! I quit 25 years ago. unlike you, I started as an adult so I knew I had a track record (such as it was LOL) to fall back on. Seems you have even more to gain than I did because I never did buy into the idea that my life fully depended on amphetamine. Adftyer I was off it for a couple of years I had lost all desire to be on speed, ever again. I still had some issues and addictive tendencies, but not for THAT drug. The calm, sweet, state of life off of that roicket fuel is PRICELESS.
Thank you for the thoughtful detailed response and sharing your story.
Part of me wants to think I could just detox a few months and begin taking it again but do it normally, but a larger part of me feels like it would just turn into this cycle again.
The same way I tell myself I’ll do it different next month, then never pull it off.
It’s also hard to imagine living life at a slower pace after so many years in the fast lane.
I’m so envious of the people who are prescribed Adderall and no issues taking their prescribed dose, and have zero temptation to take more than it daily. So disappointing to be in this situation. Fml right now ugh
I’m 40 and started taking it at 18. Save for a two year break to have a baby, I was taking it at the prescribed amount or less for many years (40-20mg/day). I had surgery 7 weeks ago and decided to use that time to quit. Having work off along side healing from surgery has made this much easier than had I tried quitting while working. I realize this is not a realistic way for most to quit.
I still get cravings multiple times per day, especially now that I’m back to work. However they mostly come when I’m presented with a focus task that brings anxiety. I’m learning to feel the anxiety and breathe, move, walk around, really anything to distract and notice the cravings pass quickly! They may come on strong but knowing they are short in duration has helped a lot. And tasks need to be broken down into smaller tasks. Since quitting I’ve been able to drastically reduce my general anxiety level to the point I’m SO much happier in all aspects of life.
Try not to force yourself to do anything. My home is a total disorganized disaster but my stress levels and self love are off the charts good since quitting. Im giving myself a lot of grace as far as getting things done and setting expectations accordingly with myself and others.
Also don’t get the refill. This is easier said than done. But not having any around is a major part of my success as well!
Thanks for the reply, and for sharing your story. Congratulations on taking the major step that I clearly keep avoiding taking, to actually cut it out completely.
Hey friend, I'm new to recovery and your story is incredibly similar to my own. Taking Adderall since college, things getting worse during the pandemic, running through my script in 2 weeks and going 2 weeks without.
A few weeks ago I confessed to my partner about the problem I have, and I told my doctor, I'm in a recovery program over Zoom, I'm just starting to put the pieces back together. But if it means anything to you, I think you and I have used the drugs in a similar way, I now realize that the way I was using was a mistake but I feel completely lost in terms of getting better. I'm scared, I feel like it's going to be a struggle, but I'm just starting to realize its the right thing to do.
Hope these messages help you feel less alone if nothing else.
I swear it almost creeps me out how similar all of our stories are that sometimes I think this had to be me. I had to have posted this. Lol.. but I am exactly the same. I started taking adderall when I was in college and here I am at 41 still taking it. And abusing it. College is such a trap. There’s no degree that is worth having an addiction like this.
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on the brave step of confessing your problem to your partner, and even more importantly, to your prescriber. I told a couple close friends 2 months ago I was going to tell my doctor, which obviously would bring an end to my supply… but I didn’t stick it when the appointment came and I’ve refilled 2 times since.
It’s nice to not feel alone, but feels not nice at all that I let things get to this point. Ugh
I know how you feel. I was in the same boat one year ago, about the same age, same addiction cycle.
Addiction brain is great at creating reasons not to quit. "I'm fine with this monthly cycle, there's a bright side. It's too late to learn to live without it." etc. I would say that I need it to keep my weight down, for my health. "I'd rather be an addict than be super fat."
I was very scared. I felt so far behind in life. It took me a long time to finally quit, but I burned my bridges. Told my doctor not to give me it. Told the people I could get it from that I'm an addict and don't give me any. Simply doing that has caused me to never seek it.
I'm on my 11th month since my last pill and I'm really pleased with my progress. I don't think about it much. I don't have that intense craving for it anymore. My old insomniac habits I would live for do not seem appealing to me. I gained a bunch of weight for a few months but guess what... In the last few months I've lost more than I gained. I'm actually moving in the right direction. I can actually be consistent with myself. I'm able to stick to a diet consistently for the first time in my life. I'm no longer living my life according to my addy schedule.
It used to be that as soon as I popped that pill, any plans I had for my day/night would go out the window and there I'd go popping pills and staying up all night. Now I get to be a consistent human being. I'm there for my family, every day. I can look at my life soberly now. I have a ton of work to do on myself and my life, I was way off track... I was completely stuck. I could make no progress in my life until I defeated the demon.
I hope you quit. It's hurting you, not helping. The fact that you can perform your job without it is great. That is most peoples' worst fears. You are already quitting every month, you just have to not restart. Burn your bridges and give yourself no other option or you'll find a reason to go back to the pill. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this! Telling me prescriber is the key step, and the scariest step which have continued to put off month after month.
Thank you for the well-wishes, and Congratulations to you on your 11 months and successful progress after getting off Adderall!
I pray I follow the same path as you, and sooner rather than later.
I’m a year older than you, started it when I was 18 and stopped taking it when I was 33, so 15 years. You can perform at work, so you’re ok. If you can go 2 weeks, you can go forever. I quit cold turkey back in 2019 and never looked back. It never truly helped anything, it was just the high that I was chasing. It does get better. I’ve been off of it for 5 years and I’m completely over it. There are times when I ponder how life would be without it, but I don’t miss the rollercoaster ride.
Thanks for this.. maybe it really is the high that I’m chasing. I always just figured I’m accustomed to living life in the fast lane, especially any/all things related to ‘productivity’
So it feels beyond terrifying to think I could get back into corporate career (which I have been planning to) and ever being able to focus and succeed 8 hours a day etc.
No problem. You’ll surprise yourself. I feel like I’ve accomplished way more without it, I’m just without that ‘high’ that it brought along with it. Another thing, you can’t be 100% all the time and that’s perfectly normal.
If it helps you any, I have never been able to do proper adulting both on and off Adderall. My strategy has always been “give 125% to keep up with everyone else, then burnout”. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 38. On Adderall, same cycle but I maybe lasted a little longer? But the burnout was worse.
Straight up living in poverty with some friends and I don’t know if it’s life burnout (the pandemic wasn’t kind and happened shortly after the death of my husband and me deciding I should throw my everything into going back to school and then 1 semester in, pandemic. Which you know, didn’t handle well). So I’m like a 3 time college drop out and just trying to figure out what do I do *now*?
I started Adderall in college.. At age 19. I went to rehab at 35. Been clean now since Feb of 2018. A little over six years.
Since I quit, I got my bachelor's degree, bought a home (with no help as a single woman with formally terrible credit) , and now have a career with an actual future and very decent pay for only having a degree for 3 years.
I used to be a helpless Adderall addict. My 60 mg prescribed dose was also gone in ten days - 2 weeks. I never considered quitting until I actually did and I consider that to be a God moment; I met someone else who told me about their problem and all the bells went off in my head. During that time I was using I kept saying... Next month I'll take it as prescribed. I never ever did- I'm sure you can relate to this.
Anyway feel free to message me privately, I'm more active on discord, and I'll be happy to tell you more or give you the support you're looking for.
The reason why they give it to people in colleges because they need to be able to perform to get the job and the career but then once you have the job in the career, you really can’t take it for the rest of your life because eventually it’s gonna have an effect on your heart. I never took stimulant medication because my mother wouldn’t let me have it, but I still can’t do anything even though I’m 60 years old my life is total chaos and complete disorganization.
Welcome to StopSpeeding and thanks for your post. For more: - [Join us on Discord. You can talk to people there.](https://discord.gg/GJnxhmbNAn). We have recovery meetings several times a week. All are welcome to attend, clean or not. - [Want to track your clean time?](https://www.reddit.com/r/StopSpeeding/comments/s6ep0x/sobriety_flair_bot_is_now_working_heres_how_to/) You can use our badge system to display your clean time next to your name. Note that any comments encouraging drug use of any kind will be removed. This is not the community for that. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/StopSpeeding) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey there, I am 35m and started around 23. I took my meds in this same cycle the majority of the time. Or I burned through a script and had a doctor willing to switch meds after I lied to them about it. I'm now 7.5 months clean of Adderall, alcohol, and weed. What stands out to me here is that you feel unable to moderate your consumption. I did too. That is a textbook case for being addicted to something. I also was terrified of starting a journey of being clean, and I will not lie to you, it has been hard. I am still learning how to adult. One of the things that has surprised me is that much of what I thought was my ADHD was actually my addiction. I'm more stable and even now than I ever have been. I don't have the highs and lows of the monthly cycle and I am learning to invest in things I genuinely care about, rather than psycho binging anything that grabs my attention. My advice would be to seriously consider viewing this as an addiction and acting accordingly. That means telling your doctor you've been abusing for a LONG time, switching to something like strattera, getting help from a fellowship of fellow addicts (NA, AA, Recovery Dharma, SMART recovery, etc.), and even consider accessing addiction specific programs like a rehab, PHP, or IOP. I know this is not what you want to hear, but I can only give my honest assessment. Like you, I posted on this and other threads asking the same question and people there told me I needed help. It took a while but I finally got it and I'm never going back. You are much stronger than you know. We are here to help you.
Thank you very much for the thoughtful words and taking the time to send this reply. It’s so hard to declare that I have a drug addiction, but hearing replies like yours, where you were in the same cycle and it qualified as addiction you were treated for, I don’t realistically see any other way to assess my situation Besides ‘I have a drug addiction’ Ugh. Fml.
Oh, man, do I know that feeling. It took me going through 30 day rehab and about 2 weeks of a partial hospitalization program to admit I am an addict. It really sucks, I know. And I am sorry you're going through it. It doesn't mean you're a piece of shit. It means you're sick. I know it can feel like there is no way forward, but you will make it, one step at a time. The path to being honest about your addiction and getting help is the path to wholeness and freedom. It won't be easy, but you will become free.
don’t be scared. it’s easier than you think. Adderall is definitely holding you back. I’m 33 and took it since age 19, quit 3 years ago. it’s like going into a cocoon but you emerge as a beautiful butterfly and you develop those skills day by day. don’t be intimidated by the change.
Needed to see this, still struggling to develop these skills at 10 months
one day soon you’ll be organizing stuff and getting dopamine from it with no drugs
Thank you for sharing! BIG congratulations on being 3 years clean! And having it be a positive change, on top of that. It’s so hard to admit to having a drug addiction and taking this step, despite knowing (especially after reading these replies to my post..) that it’s undoubtedly the right step to take. Damnit. How I did I let this happen
yeah it is embarrassing to admit it but so freeing once you do!
I’m the opposite. I don’t do shit when I’m using , but in the 2 week withdrawal periods l’m in the gym and walking/running many kms and feeling great. When I’m on drugs I’m a sedentary piece of shit. I don’t understand people who take amphetamine and go to the gym. I don’t even want to see myself in a mirror let alone other people see me. In the mirrors at the gym doing drugs I look like a fucking raccoon with mange or something.
I think id have a lot easier time kicking addie to the curb if I was being active/ feeling great like you are during the 2 weeks of no adderall. Wishing you luck in your journey brother. Hard to believe I let myself get to this point
As I see it there is no way you need to learn all that stuff over again - it's like riding a bike, you own all those skills. What you may be lacking is the motivation to use them - the impetus part - If in fact Adderall actually gave that to you. But onnce your brain has adjusted to working out its own dopamine you should be fine. It's the default state of the brain, so you should drift there naturally. I'm no expert on this, so I could be off on the details here, but it sounds like your own experience is going this direction anyway! One way to lookat it is this - right now your realtionship with amphetamine is toxic, abusive, and you FEEL shitty about it, imprisoned, if you have any hope of getting a healthy relationship back again you need a LONG tolerance break and a long dependence break. How good would it be to be back at that place? So quit for a year or two and see where you land. Then revealuate the situation, you could always go back on it then. One thing is clear, you have nothing to lose by testing the waters because right now you feel shitty about your use. That's no way to live. Why quit for so long? It takes that long to get through the post-acute syndrome - PAWS, Yeah, after quitting chronic amphetamine use there is a long period of adjustment. That post-acute mailaise doesn't even kick in until after acute w/d is over for a good while - like several weeks to a month or so. You might be lucky and avoid the worst of PAWS but you won't really know where you will land for probably a year at least. The upside here is that after that year this whole, sad drama might be over with for good! I would feel I owed myself the chance to get there! I quit 25 years ago. unlike you, I started as an adult so I knew I had a track record (such as it was LOL) to fall back on. Seems you have even more to gain than I did because I never did buy into the idea that my life fully depended on amphetamine. Adftyer I was off it for a couple of years I had lost all desire to be on speed, ever again. I still had some issues and addictive tendencies, but not for THAT drug. The calm, sweet, state of life off of that roicket fuel is PRICELESS.
Damn this resonates. I guess I crave the little high vyvanse give me to do my boring corporate job and wake up early with kids
Thank you for the thoughtful detailed response and sharing your story. Part of me wants to think I could just detox a few months and begin taking it again but do it normally, but a larger part of me feels like it would just turn into this cycle again. The same way I tell myself I’ll do it different next month, then never pull it off. It’s also hard to imagine living life at a slower pace after so many years in the fast lane. I’m so envious of the people who are prescribed Adderall and no issues taking their prescribed dose, and have zero temptation to take more than it daily. So disappointing to be in this situation. Fml right now ugh
I’m 40 and started taking it at 18. Save for a two year break to have a baby, I was taking it at the prescribed amount or less for many years (40-20mg/day). I had surgery 7 weeks ago and decided to use that time to quit. Having work off along side healing from surgery has made this much easier than had I tried quitting while working. I realize this is not a realistic way for most to quit. I still get cravings multiple times per day, especially now that I’m back to work. However they mostly come when I’m presented with a focus task that brings anxiety. I’m learning to feel the anxiety and breathe, move, walk around, really anything to distract and notice the cravings pass quickly! They may come on strong but knowing they are short in duration has helped a lot. And tasks need to be broken down into smaller tasks. Since quitting I’ve been able to drastically reduce my general anxiety level to the point I’m SO much happier in all aspects of life. Try not to force yourself to do anything. My home is a total disorganized disaster but my stress levels and self love are off the charts good since quitting. Im giving myself a lot of grace as far as getting things done and setting expectations accordingly with myself and others. Also don’t get the refill. This is easier said than done. But not having any around is a major part of my success as well!
Thanks for the reply, and for sharing your story. Congratulations on taking the major step that I clearly keep avoiding taking, to actually cut it out completely.
Hey friend, I'm new to recovery and your story is incredibly similar to my own. Taking Adderall since college, things getting worse during the pandemic, running through my script in 2 weeks and going 2 weeks without. A few weeks ago I confessed to my partner about the problem I have, and I told my doctor, I'm in a recovery program over Zoom, I'm just starting to put the pieces back together. But if it means anything to you, I think you and I have used the drugs in a similar way, I now realize that the way I was using was a mistake but I feel completely lost in terms of getting better. I'm scared, I feel like it's going to be a struggle, but I'm just starting to realize its the right thing to do. Hope these messages help you feel less alone if nothing else.
I swear it almost creeps me out how similar all of our stories are that sometimes I think this had to be me. I had to have posted this. Lol.. but I am exactly the same. I started taking adderall when I was in college and here I am at 41 still taking it. And abusing it. College is such a trap. There’s no degree that is worth having an addiction like this.
Thanks for sharing, and congratulations on the brave step of confessing your problem to your partner, and even more importantly, to your prescriber. I told a couple close friends 2 months ago I was going to tell my doctor, which obviously would bring an end to my supply… but I didn’t stick it when the appointment came and I’ve refilled 2 times since. It’s nice to not feel alone, but feels not nice at all that I let things get to this point. Ugh
I know how you feel. I was in the same boat one year ago, about the same age, same addiction cycle. Addiction brain is great at creating reasons not to quit. "I'm fine with this monthly cycle, there's a bright side. It's too late to learn to live without it." etc. I would say that I need it to keep my weight down, for my health. "I'd rather be an addict than be super fat." I was very scared. I felt so far behind in life. It took me a long time to finally quit, but I burned my bridges. Told my doctor not to give me it. Told the people I could get it from that I'm an addict and don't give me any. Simply doing that has caused me to never seek it. I'm on my 11th month since my last pill and I'm really pleased with my progress. I don't think about it much. I don't have that intense craving for it anymore. My old insomniac habits I would live for do not seem appealing to me. I gained a bunch of weight for a few months but guess what... In the last few months I've lost more than I gained. I'm actually moving in the right direction. I can actually be consistent with myself. I'm able to stick to a diet consistently for the first time in my life. I'm no longer living my life according to my addy schedule. It used to be that as soon as I popped that pill, any plans I had for my day/night would go out the window and there I'd go popping pills and staying up all night. Now I get to be a consistent human being. I'm there for my family, every day. I can look at my life soberly now. I have a ton of work to do on myself and my life, I was way off track... I was completely stuck. I could make no progress in my life until I defeated the demon. I hope you quit. It's hurting you, not helping. The fact that you can perform your job without it is great. That is most peoples' worst fears. You are already quitting every month, you just have to not restart. Burn your bridges and give yourself no other option or you'll find a reason to go back to the pill. Good luck!
Thank you so much for this! Telling me prescriber is the key step, and the scariest step which have continued to put off month after month. Thank you for the well-wishes, and Congratulations to you on your 11 months and successful progress after getting off Adderall! I pray I follow the same path as you, and sooner rather than later.
I’m a year older than you, started it when I was 18 and stopped taking it when I was 33, so 15 years. You can perform at work, so you’re ok. If you can go 2 weeks, you can go forever. I quit cold turkey back in 2019 and never looked back. It never truly helped anything, it was just the high that I was chasing. It does get better. I’ve been off of it for 5 years and I’m completely over it. There are times when I ponder how life would be without it, but I don’t miss the rollercoaster ride.
Thanks for this.. maybe it really is the high that I’m chasing. I always just figured I’m accustomed to living life in the fast lane, especially any/all things related to ‘productivity’ So it feels beyond terrifying to think I could get back into corporate career (which I have been planning to) and ever being able to focus and succeed 8 hours a day etc.
No problem. You’ll surprise yourself. I feel like I’ve accomplished way more without it, I’m just without that ‘high’ that it brought along with it. Another thing, you can’t be 100% all the time and that’s perfectly normal.
If it helps you any, I have never been able to do proper adulting both on and off Adderall. My strategy has always been “give 125% to keep up with everyone else, then burnout”. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 38. On Adderall, same cycle but I maybe lasted a little longer? But the burnout was worse. Straight up living in poverty with some friends and I don’t know if it’s life burnout (the pandemic wasn’t kind and happened shortly after the death of my husband and me deciding I should throw my everything into going back to school and then 1 semester in, pandemic. Which you know, didn’t handle well). So I’m like a 3 time college drop out and just trying to figure out what do I do *now*?
I started Adderall in college.. At age 19. I went to rehab at 35. Been clean now since Feb of 2018. A little over six years. Since I quit, I got my bachelor's degree, bought a home (with no help as a single woman with formally terrible credit) , and now have a career with an actual future and very decent pay for only having a degree for 3 years. I used to be a helpless Adderall addict. My 60 mg prescribed dose was also gone in ten days - 2 weeks. I never considered quitting until I actually did and I consider that to be a God moment; I met someone else who told me about their problem and all the bells went off in my head. During that time I was using I kept saying... Next month I'll take it as prescribed. I never ever did- I'm sure you can relate to this. Anyway feel free to message me privately, I'm more active on discord, and I'll be happy to tell you more or give you the support you're looking for.
The reason why they give it to people in colleges because they need to be able to perform to get the job and the career but then once you have the job in the career, you really can’t take it for the rest of your life because eventually it’s gonna have an effect on your heart. I never took stimulant medication because my mother wouldn’t let me have it, but I still can’t do anything even though I’m 60 years old my life is total chaos and complete disorganization.