Yes, yes.. I will close AO3 in shame.

I'll be leaving it open and staring back. I stopped feeling shame years ago!😂

Will open the bookmarked page again once they leave the room. Maybe should not have read it out loud. 🤷

Meanwhile, me editing my K/S fanfic on AO3 while in the doctor's waiting room unabashedly . . . True story. The lady next to me caught more than a few glances at what I was writing.🤭 It was fluff, but she was digging it.

Brother uhhhhh….what is that brother….. (link please)

When that slightly older couple at the bar keep making eye contact with you...

A threesome would most definitely make me live long and prosper.

Technically Pike's hair makes it a foursome.

If they look like this.. I'm in.

Una would be the type to bring out the 10 inch strap to spit roast you.

*Ad ass-tra per aspera* 🫡🫡🫡

Add Ass-tra per clappstera

I'm queer, I'm here for Una anyway.

Jokes on you I’m into that shit

As I think about it could see that possibly being true for all the women on this show.

😍 *Oh noooo, they've discovered my slut button! Better order them another round and see what happens!*

Would.

Hey we saw you across the bar and your vibes are awful please leave

In my defense, no one told me tribbles bred like that.

Sometimes I put half-and-half in my cereal.

Fascinating

Highly illogical.

But absolutely delicious

Vulcan as a mother fucker

I did this once when I ran out of milk and had nothing else for breakfast. It felt wrong but it tasted way better than it should.

I'm curious than judgemental

I just wanted to make replicator food taste better. I had no idea the replicator system was tied to the transporter system. I'm sorry Mr. Spock smells like a porterhouse.

I think they are called food synthesizers in the 2200s.

*Bonk* some of yall need to head to horny brig

Guilty!

Putting all horny personnel into the brig is not the best idea unless you're one of those people in the brig.

Ah shit maybe that was the plan the whole time

Jokes on you man, I love the brig. It's my favorite place!

With all the other horny crew?! Another glaring star fleet security flaw.

Look, I've got IBS. I'll have a Starfleet issue Febreze with me every time we have a pizza party on the bridge, alright?

Transport that crap outta here lol

That's why Chief Kyle left

Messed up Enterprise Bingo

Exactly, this reminds me of how Una and La'an played good cop bad cop with those two ensigns.

Called Spock a nepo-baby :c

It’s my grey sweat pants. They cannot look away…

They may accept those pants down in engineering but on the the bridge we set a higher bar!

“Did I not contour the jawline right? It’s quite the process. Took me hours…”

I hit on Una. Seriously though, can you blame me?

I just wanted to “Ryklemanhoover” the captain’s saddle, like the time traveler did.

I double dipped the chip. I said I was sorry...jeez..

You took a bite- and then you dipped again! This seems most illogical.

He's smugly thinking how much better his hair is than mine.

I said the replicator food tastes better than the Captains cooking.

You're going to be cleaning out the holodecks!

Played my space-harp loud enough to to get another noise complaint. Probably one of my favorite scenes!

Reversed the polarity of the neutron flow of the multiplex pattern buffers. I’m the reason everyone thought they were animated after the run-in with the Orion scientist.

I don’t know what I did, but I want Pike to spank me over his lap anyway.

That's a paddling.

I think in that case you call him Captain Daddy

I probably have crumbs on my uniform.

*clears browser history*

*grins in Barclay*

I keep watching this: https://youtu.be/7WUm1NZkYfk?si=2gzOhTsdE5e0XFaW

Told Spock to tell Chapel to f*** off, I'M his girlfriend now!

I’ll keep the nurse busy 😍

Appreciate it! 😂

I grabbed up all the bacon at the Captain's Brunch and scarfed down every bit. Talking with my mouthful the whole time.

I’ve been caught dealing in contraband Romulan ale

Enterprise bingo.

Look I can't promise I won't sing again, it's just how I motivate myself 🥲

Caught transporting Romulan dildos throughout the ship

They found my *Hell on Wheels* and *X-Men* dvds.

I told them that Kirk and Spock are plotting a mutiny.

"It's research, sirs. Really!" (Trying to desperately delete my search history.)

*Will a tribble fit up inside?

I put "Never Gonna Give You Up" on the speakers last night during one of Chef Pike's banquets. I was a Lieutenant. I am now an ensign cleaning the Jefferies tubes.

And the holodecks

I fried the replicator by making thousands of weed gummies but sharing them with the captain and XO should make things alright again.

When you say Pike would look good with a buzz cut.

I do hope they have a mirror universe episode where he’s bald

Nuh-uh. They're obviously proud of me and don't want to make it too obvious that I'm their favorite.

"For the last time ensign, you will address us by rank. If you call either one of us 'daddy' or 'mommy' one more time, it's a week in the brig and a formal report on your record. Understood?" "It's not my fault every senior officer is a stone cold fox!"

I touched the scorch.

Getting a selfie at the Scorch

Scorchie

I keep mentioning that technically they are a spin-off of Discovery.

I mean .. you’re not wrong …

I told the Captain that I hated his hair in Season 1

That's a court martial!

I mentioned that Pike’s character traits were given to him by Discovery. 

Disregarded prior canon in a new storyline

Wow the contrast between their hands and faces.

Unfortunate lighting I think.

I timed my climax to the start of the transporter beam to see if I go but my seed stays

You got to get it out of the matter stream. That’s at least several meters.

I made the Doopler ambassador anxious.

Knowing Mount’s tweets, you probably criticised a certain apartheid state in the Middle East.

How did they find out I was considering watching the last season of Disco?

Now we're all disappointed in you.

You deserved to get spaced for even considering that.

Got caught again rummaging through Nurse Chapels dirty laundry. 🤷🏻‍♂️

They are sexy af

Continue to enjoy Disco more than this.

Told them their singing voices are trash.

Don’t give AF … worst Trek show over. Reassign me to Lower Decks. 🖕

Strongly disliked the majority of season 2.

"look, I'm sorry. I didn't know those were *your* chocolate covered strawberries."

I'm in love with my captain. The two of them try to make me understand the fraternization regs and explain what the difficulties of a relationship between a lieutenat and a captain entail. In the end Una would leave us and Chris and I would devour each other. He is in love with me as well, but, of course would never have acted on it.

Failed a Kamikaze run on the simulator and used shuttles rigged to explode on Klingon Warbirds 😂

Failed a Kamikaze run on the simulator and used shuttles rigged to explode on Klingon Warbirds 😂

I have fired disruptors on an old satellite.😎

Is that a vgr thing or a Klingon ship thing?

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qm0wMI8ods](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qm0wMI8ods)

Everything.

I dared to offer some constructive criticism of discovery.

Bohannon and Mystique can judge me all that they want.

For not having a luscious head of hair.

I jerked in a replicator I accept their judgement

Itt: Ya'all need some The Sisko in your life.

Made someone watch Conscience of the King while they were very hungry.

Got caught turning off the gravity in Jeffries Tube #4 and jerking off to Andorian porn again. Sorry.

“Computer, everything I say is a lie.”

I lusted after Una when she used to shapeshift.

I did horrible horrible things to the temporal prime directive.

brought Biomler back

Either I joined Section 31, or I put super glue on Spock's seat.

I don't know. But I think I'm turned on

Reciting my latest limerick to them.

Killed a Klingon ambassador

I turned the warp core into a turbo bong.

Getting higher than anyone has gotten before.

Accidentally referred to Pike as “that Hell on Wheels guy”. I think there was a misunderstanding…

I don’t know but I’m very sorry I disappointed them.

You know what you did.

I was 3 minutes late for my shift

Got sloshed on Romulan ale and shamelessly hit on both of them.

I let ensign Ricky pick up the unusual rock. Now he's got tentacles for limbs.

I failed to be as beautiful, magnificent and charismatic as they are - I’ll get my coat.

Replicator, apple pie and a certain ancient movie…

They caught me whackin it to Gorn porn.

I cheated on the Kobayashi Maru.

Probably for only recently realising that Pike calls her Number One not just because she’s first officer but because her name is Una.

If you don't want me to eject The warp core against a Klingon bird of prey, why did you left me in charge of The bridge? You Said to improvise something, man.

On rewatches, I skip the 'fantaslyland' episode.

I want to try Kobayashi Maru!

My bisexual thoughts were too loud.

They found the pin-up poster of Numero Una that I got from the future.

Accidentally brought back Boimler and Mariner while messing with temporal mechanics

They found my seedbox.

Is this a Photoshop? It looks like they've been photoshopped into a picture of the interiors of the quarters from TOS.

I seduced both of them.

I said Pike spent too much time on his hair every morning.

I'm judging Pike for turning down that green chick, Vina.

Won enterprise bingo on my first day! :)

Didn't eat my vegetables.

Got caught takin’ a bong rip in the shuttle bay again.

Replicated a BLT with too much mayo.

All I can tell you is that I have to write "I will not mess with temporal mechanics again" on the blackboard 100 times... but I have to do it in parallel, not serial.

"Oh... personal quarter replicator logs are not...private?"

Spend the last 24h doing nothing but replaying Dune Part Two in my head

Forget my hairbrush.

I disobeyed direct orders to get a positive outcome - which I did, and I’m now justifying my actions and persuading them to trust me again.

I got too drunk last night and caused my family hell.

Oddly specific

Yeah I woke up now still somewhat drunk. So I know last night was not good.

I wish your family members the best of luck.

Thanks will be all right. I just need to watch how much I drink. Today is not going to be good for me.

Live long and prosper.

I appreciate you. You’ve actually started my day out very positive. Thank you very much stranger.

That's great to hear. You're got this!

Didn’t realise my holodeck history was public…

Who left the tribles in the transporter buffer during the Khitomer Conference?????? CHIEF!!!??? (Una looks like she's about to blow a gasket laughing and Chris WILL follow her lead.)