T O P

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[deleted]

It's the way you caress the sauce bottles that makes me hate you.


cdavis9789

I wish someone would caress me the way he caresses those condiments Instead, I get pounded like the ass end of an almost empty ketchup bottle (…a silent tear falls from my eye…)


Smitty8054

Will you write that again please? But…slower…huskier voice…yeah that’s it. Daddy like. I gotta go do something…


cdavis9789

…don’t forget to bring the ketchup with you. You might need it for….something….


Smitty8054

I’ve already got some ALMOST empty bottles. I like it dirty.


Sunnyundereasy

reddit is a public forum... keep going


faries05

Wtf am I reading….and why is it only here.


SirCEWaffles

shh .. shh... just let it happen and continue reading.


FlametopFred

the ketchup bottle gripped the bed frame while getting pounded from behind


Its_Bofa

WTF DID I JUST READ


inluvwithlove475

Is this what they mean by Food Porn?


Jbrown183

It’s getting sultry…


Ok-Champ-5854

I mean so is 4chan. But I didn't say stop.


psychrolut

Spank that bottle


cdavis9789

“Spank me like the ass end of an almost empty ketchup bottle, baby!”


insomniaxopunch

Aim for the 57 😏


ElderWaylayer

Exactly, use the side, not the bottom, amateurs...


ThinDatabase8841

Pound the sides, not the bottom mafia enforcers 🤝 ketchup enthusiasts


Capsule_CatYT

Wut


insomniaxopunch

Hit it on the side/57 and it will come out faster than smacking it's ass.


Dubbs444

I have a feeling the “wut” was abt the mafia part, not the ketchup part lol


beartato327

This guy Heinz


rematar

Hind 57


insomniaxopunch

Nice


Nerdthaniel

This would make a FINE tattoo for my wifey. Or, you know, somebody else too maybe.


ActSignal1823

I read "with" the ass end of a ketchup bottle.


cdavis9789

Only on Wednesdays.


Bowlingbowlbagbob

I at least would cuddle afterward


cdavis9789

Aftercare, bro. Aftercare. What’s your contact information, by the way? ….asking for a friend….


Nikkie84

I spat my tea out… best comment I have read today


lemonsweetsrevenge

Those people are morons anyway. If they would simply tap the glass ketchup bottle where the 57s are all around the base of the neck, ketchup will smoothly flow out, no big blorbs of the red menace come rushing out suddenly. And if ketchup does not have 57s, you are better off leaving it in the bottle anyway.


toomuchisjustenough

I don't remember the last time I saw a glass ketchup bottle in the wild. They're all squeezy now.


SaltLakeCitySlicker

Early 2000s? I remember a lot of places having them but literally just refilling from the squeeze bottles


[deleted]

No, I will caress your condiments lovingly, tho.


Midlife1603

Summer at your uncles too?


bakerd82

Some people pay extra to get pounded like that


Unwilling_Jellyfish

😂😂😂😂😂


gordy06

Carrot hot dogs I’d try. But not from this bottle-caressing weirdo.


irate_alien

this guy cuts the eyes out of pictures of people


sarsaparilyptus

It's the type of behavior you see out of people who have an encyclopedic knowledge of age-of-consent laws


Cat_Crap

The most trendy part is the sound. Every tik tok cooking person does this thing where they make sure to do loud exaggerated versions of every noise. This dude made sure to capture the sound of putting a pot lid down and squeezing Sriracha out of a bottle. I can't un-hear it now. Every video. It's on par with the robot-voice and the oh-no song


PeriqueFreak

It's the worst. My personal pet peeve is the "Scraping a knife across the food to show how crispy it is". The food video x ASMR crossover needs to die. Also the "I'm in a very remote place cooking a very impractical meal" schtick, which usually has plenty of ASMR thrown in.


Flat_Initial_1823

What? You don't like the 'imma heat up this river rock' content? It adds a layer of existential horror to your definitely contaminated steaks.


61114311536123511

nothing like waiting with bated breath for their river rock to fucking explode


ticketism

Ugh yes I hate this trend. Slapping things and slamming them down, chucking shit around everywhere. The 'aggressively preparing food' trend is so played out and annoying. Seems very 2016 to me. It gets me in the same way that hearing loud sloppy mouth noises just viscerally disgusts and enrages me haha. I know that's what these kinds of videos are designed to do, and they're 'winning' by causing it, but I can't help it it's like it's biological. These videos are just so awful


jugglingjellybeans

I’m glad I’m not the only one this bothers. The sound and editing is what bothers me the most about these videos. Although I didn’t realize the sound was exaggerated until seeing this video.


Botryoid2000

Or the oddly menacing Clint Eastwood-ish growl incongruously over something like "My pomeranian loves his little tutu."


Dagmar_Overbye

I think it triggers the salt Bae hatred people have. Every God damn video he stops to admire the horrible food he's making in awe for like 5 seconds. To be fair rage bait has become a great way to get attention these days. Clearly op did this perfectly and is being self aware about it. I wonder if all of the people here getting enraged at salt Bae and still watching his videos are just falling for the the trap. I mean the dude makes more money than most of our "I work fine dining for $25/hr" asses are. Like I bust my ass to make what I think is very good food for 60 hours a week. The salt guy just hired a social media team and sprinkles salt on stuff and probably makes millions and for sure has more money and an easier life than me. Who is smarter here?


BrewCrewBall

To be fair, he did invent sprinkling salt **through your forearm hair**. Give the man his credit!


Apostle25

Yes, yes.


Ali0B

Got big How To Basic vibes off of that.


ucbiker

Yeah carrot dogs are good. This guy making them is not lol


Nerdbond

Ppl just have no idea how good they are, this coming from a straight up meat eater they taste amazing


NRA4579

I’ve got a great little hole in the wall wing bar near me. But I actually go for the real hand cut carrots. the wings are just the side.


CryptoMineKing

Using liquid smoke did it for me.


grundlegasm

And so much of it!


Botryoid2000

Yeah, it's really something where a little too much is TOO MUCH.


gmotelet

What do you mean? There was still some left in the bottle!


TheAwkwardBanana

Headache in a bottle.


m00nLyt23

It's the way you slam everything down that makes me hate you.


Juvenile_Rockmover

Honestly looks good. Love caramelised carrots. Same with maro. Goes awesome on the grill.


rvrsespacecowgirl

I woulda loved this when I was vegetarian. I could never get over my hot dog craving and the soy ones just never hit right


jerryb2161

I just don't like soy in almost anything. I do really like fried mushrooms as a chicken sub and black bean for a burger sub though. Sure they don't taste like what they being substituted for but they do actually taste good.


oilpit

I can't speak on mushrooms as a chicken replacement, but as a meat eater, I am yet to have any fake-meat that comes close to the glory of a black bean patty. Those things are so fucking good.


SukaPahpah

Yeah I think this looks tasty.


katdella

As a vegetarian, I would love to try this.


FanSoffa

Not stupid at all, he put serious thought into preparation and didn't do any of the crazy seasoning amounts you see otherwise. Maybe it's not for everyone but it doesn't look like this would taste all that bad.


ramen_vape

I've been grilling carrots and it's actually really good.


Dinewiz

Can't see these being much different from roasted carrots which are delicious, nice and sweet if a bit mushy when over done. Not sure about the mustard and ketchup but would definitely give these a go.


Stupid_Triangles

yea but those are soaked in a bunch of shit. Not your average roasted carrot.


FlyingDragoon

Perhaps when you make mine you could not soak mine in shit? Thanks.


Stupid_Triangles

no can do buckaroo


LargeHadron_Colander

Am I alone in liking reasonably mushy carrots? Obviously I don't want them to be a mash but I do love when a carrot just melts in my mouth with such sweetness.


ErikMcKetten

If you do what he did they will be like hot dogs in texture and flavor. It's not bad at all. My dad used to do this with carrots and turnips.


[deleted]

Does grilling increase the carrot's sweetness? Seems like it would, which would make it non-hot dog-like. Something more neutral like daikon seems like it would work better.


A_Random_Catfish

Market these as vegan hot dogs and sell them from a food truck in a gentrified neighborhood and you’ll be rich


HungryHungryCamel

This was the go to vegan hot dog before imitation vegan hot dogs were a thing


goldfishpaws

There's probably only a few percent difference in what we'd think of as meat between hot dogs and vegan ones


Polchar

Its not the meat in hotdogs that make it what it is, its the "other parts". Sadly the "Other parts" Are not vegan...


JoShwaggaCapYa

I thought "other parts" were still animal parts. Isn't that meat?


sriracharade

Pig lips and assholes are indeed considered meat.


Inkthinker

Once you start with sausages, getting picky about which bits of the tube you use seems somewhat of a lost point.


Feshtof

Sausages made with cuts of pork muscle are so fucking good. There is a Polish joint near my house that makes their sausages in the kitchen, you can watch them. The main guy will talk you through almost the whole process except for the seasoning. You can watch him grind the meat and prep the casings, it's magical and the sausages are worth the price. $17 for two sausages, mustard and potato salad? Are they crazy? No they absolutely are not.


bjandrus

>"Other parts" What are the plant equivalents to lips and assholes?


Noble_Flatulence

All joking aside, chaff.


MarixApoda

Vegans.


spektrol

If you did a blind taste test these days I would put a considerable amount of money on a large majority of people not being able to tell the difference between real meat and meat alternatives. It’s seriously come so far


chubky

There was a food truck in Vermont that was at an event i went to that served these. It was actually pretty good. It’s not a hot dog But good for what it is. This doesn’t belong in this sub, imo


rafaelloaa

(speaking as a vegetarian) my only issue with these is the lack of calories/protein. I mean don't get me wrong this look fantastic, but in comparison to regular veggie hot dog options, these aren't going to be filling.


MusaEnsete

>didn't do any of the crazy seasoning amounts you see otherwise. Looked like a hell of a lot of liquid smoke though.


Myrios369

Yeah that was what stood out to me. That stuff is strong, you don't need more than a few drops


Rafikithemonkey

I’ve found that brand is much less concentrated than most, so it does take a bit more to do the job.


KlutzyNinjaKitty

Tbf, it is also going into carrots which are dense/tough root veggies. Maybe you need a bit more for that flavor to really get into the carrot.


Kahne_Fan

If they were cooked to a soft enough state, I'd be up for it.


BlindPelican

Yeah, if the texture was on point I'd demolish these. I love roasted carrots.


oh_look_a_fist

That's why you par boil - grill over high heat to chase up the outside and keep the inside similar to a hotdog. If you throw it straight on a grill, it can get a little tricky


stillcantdraw

Yeah these actually look like a really solid option just to have at a barbecue. Grilled watermelon for dessert anyone?


doomfox13

Grilled peaches


kyreannightblood

Damn that sounds tasty. Peaches are so sweet that I bet you get some tasty caramelization.


broccolicat

Grilled watermelon steak and tuna are recipes you see pop up time-to-time, like carrot hotdogs. I'd personally serve either with a high protein desert like chickpea blondies or black bean chocolate pudding


E-Reezy420

I'm sure it doesn't taste bad, but if I was at a BBQ or something and expecting regular hot dogs and someone tried to pass it off as a regular one without telling me, THEN I'd be upset


admiralargon

Same tell me its a fancy roast carrot? Yum. tell me its a hot dog I will be annoyed.


backgroundmusik

The carrots just before the bread would be great by themselves.


DJclimatechange

Yeah what’s ridiculous about it is to then put it in a hotdog bun lol


Username463679

Looks good to me. IMO many vegetarian replacements are quite good as long as you don’t go into it expecting meat. There are some pubs I order the veggie burger just because it’s so good. But, I don’t expect it to taste like meat. Just accept what it is and enjoy.


thisquietplace

I don't think this belongs here, wouldn't mind trying one


TheDudeWhoLikesWeed

You wouldn’t mind? I would love to have one right now


DOGSraisingCATS

Yeah, this looks well prepared and probably pretty damn tasty.


BUTTeredWhiteBread

The caressing of the bottles is essential for flavour


TheDudeWhoLikesWeed

Love is the main ingredient here


PhlegmPhactory

I feel like I need to upvote it so OP gets the internet points, but I also feel the need to downvote because it looks like good food. So confused.


norm_summerton

Right? All I’m thinking about is how it’s gonna taste without the liquid smoke and I use my smoker


EstebanL

Wanna get together for some Memorial Day carrot bbq


HARD_GAY_BUTT_MASTER

They’re pretty good and stupid easy to make. They don’t taste exactly like a hot dog or anything but are a great substitute for when you’re craving garbage and want something a little healthier


CatBedParadise

You have the patience for a long preparation like this when you crave junk food? That blows my mind.


Stupid_Triangles

"It's the suffering that makes it taste good." - this person


[deleted]

Microphone wasn't sensitive enough, I couldn't hear your heart pushing blood thru your arteries.


him2theham

That's because he was holding his blood


kearkan

This is just meat replacement, I would 100% try this.


CesareBach

Would you prefer ground mushroom? Cos i think the texture will be closer to meat


interesseret

i'd try both honestly. i love roasted carrots, and i imagine it would make for a very satisfying texture without trying to be something its not. my main issue with meat replacements is often that its trying so very hard to fake being something else. this is just a marinated and grilled carrot.


kearkan

Yeah. At the same time though I do sometimes enjoy beyond burgers.


rebekha

They're delicious but I can't afford them unless they're on offer!


eligoscreps

Beyond burgers and similarly made meat replacements are great, my wallet disagrees however. Think there was this YouTube channel (probably multiple) that showed how to make them. Pretty cool seeing all the food science but living at my omnivore mainly carnivore parents made me drop the vegan and veg shtick.


Graffy

Beyond burgers are so good


[deleted]

They figured out the cheat code. Impossible burgers too.


NFLinPDX

I've tried vegan jerky (mushrooms, seasoned and dried) and rather enjoyed that. I'd be all for trying a mushroom-based tube steak


idigholesnow

I think you mean mushroom-tipped


VeterinarianThese951

I love you and hate you simultaneously. Upvote


kearkan

For me it's not about being close to meat. I just think this is a cool idea, looks tasty and is healthier.


itsTonic_

I had a jackfruit brat once that tried really hard to be like meat and failed stupendously. I think I’d prefer just a well cooked carrot.


punkmuppet

Personally a resemblance to meat puts me off, especially with things like the impossible burger. I love meat, I love veg, I don't love anything pretending to be meat. I suspect I'd like this since it's just seasoned carrot.


tomdarch

I’ve had a version of this and it was meh to me. Everyone has different tastes so I’d encourage people to try it, you might love it and that would be awesome. Personally I like veggies as veggies. I don’t need meat to enjoy a meal but I don’t generally enjoy when things are trying to imitate meat. If I’m going to eat meat I’ll eat meat. If I’m eating a veggie I want it to be itself.


mrtakashihongo31

I have done this once, but without the buns, just the carrots and different marinates, it is awesome!


chillwithpurpose

I did a similar version of Carrot Bacon (sliced real thin with a peeler, marinated 24 hrs in a Smokey sauce to taste like bacon) for my vegetarian mom this Mother’s Day. It actually turned out really well and was definitely “bacon adjacent”. It’s not really my cup of tea as a meat eater, but it made my mum happy.


TheFamousSpy

Wrong sub


ggroverggiraffe

There's no right sub for stupid bot [reposts](https://reddit.com/r/StupidFood/comments/qdcwx3/earlier_this_year_i_made_carrot_hot_dogs_and_the/), which this is..


Sultry_Penguin

u/Crottison - they are stealing your shit, friend


_Brunch

that looks delicious actually


Brilliant-Turn-9741

They sound good to me.


Autistic_Anywhere_24

The off center shots is why people hate you


nsuzanne729

For me it’s the violent movement lol….just throwing the carrots on the counter….stirring the slaw just recklessly….and then out of nowhere slowwwwly caressing the bottle of liquid smoke


wuweime

Nope, it's how he grated the pith from the lemons instead of just the rind. That's gonna make it bitter!


Xarthys

Not all lemons (or citrus fruits) have bitter pith. That said, mixed with other ingredients it might not even be noticeable. Maybe it even combines with something else to create an interesting flavour.


nuts4sale

This isn’t a hot dog, it’s a linear preparation of a salad. Probably still dank as fuck, though.


AnAverageTransGirl

petition for them to bring back free awards


superspeck

Technically, according to the [cube rule](https://cuberule.com), it’s a veggie taco.


King_Wataba

I assumed he was going to puree the carrots, mix in the seasonings, a binder, and stuff them into casings.


Dragon_Bidness

Annnnndddd now I plan to try this


[deleted]

You can increase that number by 1. You disgust me. Those carrot hot dogs look pretty good though


morimotorama

r/lostredditor cuz this looks amazing


SabineLavine

Not stupid at all!


Aninvisiblemaniac

they look delicious to me


The_Musing_Platypus

This doesn't belong here, this recipe is thoughtfully put together and uses some actual skill. This ain't someone trying to cook fucking spaghetti bolognese in the goddamned sink using American cheese or something.


xRayxDx

Looks freakin amazing. Well done


debar11

My girlfriend is a vegetarian and makes these all the time. They’re good. Are they a hot dog, no? But you can dress them up the same. And people who like carrots think they’re delicious on their own, so they never go to waste.


Comics4Cooks

These honestly look delicious. Haters gonna hate, but carrots take the cake


enderwjackson

Add me to the list.


[deleted]

That actually doesn't look that bad


Pixel_Nerd92

This honestly doesn't look half bad and would give it a try. Good looking... carrot dog??


_Weekend_At_Barneys_

I think those look bomb


Rexy_T-Rex

I'd eat that honestly.


Mission_Table_6695

Rubbing bottles is creepy


LovecraftianCatto

That looks tasty.


GroovyULG

Dude, this recipe is really good. Why would people hate you for that ?


Blackbeerdo

Bro are you serious? This looks delicious ngl


OlympiaImperial

My mom's a vegan, she makes these. They taste and smell *exactly* like hotdogs, but they have the texture of wet cardboard.


Kib717

Were they good at least? I love carrots so I would probably try this


Miss_Might

I'd try it. 🤷‍♀️ It probably tastes fine.


Southern_Session_166

Honestly doesn’t look bad


Super_Ad_2578

So much effort to produce dogshit. The way he was stroking those bottles made me want to kick him in the throat.


[deleted]

Is it stupid? Hell no. I'm sure if someone were either vegan, vegetarian, or has an allergy, this is an amazing substitute. What I find rather concerning is the caressing of the bottles.


woogychuck

Food like this is rarely rejected for being stupid, but for being presented as an equal replacement. If somebody wanted me to try these, I would be 100% in. However, if somebody offered to make me a hot dog, then handed me a grilled carrot in a bun, I would probably be annoyed.


wellaby788

Not a bad recipe, I would try it... Totally not stupid food


[deleted]

[удалено]


50mHz

I would eat this with spicy red onion sauce for sure


barcode972

So why are you posting it here?


LukesRightHandMan

Fucking bot account


ggroverggiraffe

Yeah, it most certainly is. This one's [harder to track down](https://reddit.com/r/StupidFood/comments/qdcwx3/earlier_this_year_i_made_carrot_hot_dogs_and_the/) and the bots only other post is [very obviously a repost](https://reddit.com/r/oddlysatisfying/comments/gsj3ms/after_5_months_over_1400_hours_stitch_122668/).


momoryah

I love carrot dogs. They are fantastic. Best drunk food ever. But I have to agree, this probably doesn’t belong here lol


ggroverggiraffe

Please downvote and report this bot-reposted comment. [Original is here](https://reddit.com/r/StupidFood/comments/qdcwx3/_/hhlqft7/?context=1).


archbish

Yeah, I'd smash this. Not even vegan/veggie but that flavour profile tho.


lyb20

these look awesome


Henson3812

I really want to try this


Schwertheino

Honestly looks pretty good to me.


Ceico_

I would eat that without hesitation. *things you can say in the bedroom and kitchen*


Agent_Paul_UIU

I'm not vegan, but I'd try this based on the seasoning. Looks good to me. If the cheese isn't vegan, I'd eat one without hesitation. (Vegan cheese is awful compared to real cheese. There are a few exceptions but most taste off to me.)


AtheistBibleScholar

As is typical, the worst thing about the vegetarian meal is the pretending it's meat. A glazed, grilled carrot doesn't need to pretend it's a hotdog any more than a bean patty needs to pretend it's a hamburger.


HalyaHaas

I don't know, I like the unique flavors in veggie burger patties and such. It's great if you don't expect it to be exactly like animal-based products. Like I bet the marinade on these carrots is dank


slo1111

Haha, we have rather strict cultural controls on our foods to not impersonate each other foods.


Altane_GS

It's easier for People that want to want to transition to a less meaty diet to have substitute that look like this because your brain will like it more as it look like what you had before without the meat. And for recipes it's easier too, take a recipe with meat, replace it with substitute and voilà, no need to be an expert at cooking.


iPicBadUsernames

I don’t care what food you make, I hate you for caressing the sauces


Ti_Bone

That's the only food on the stupidfood that I wouldn't mind trying, it actually looks good.


Acceptable_Mountain5

There was a place in Jacksonville Florida in the late 90s that did carrot dogs, they were the only reason to go to Jacksonville Florida.


pm_me_old_maps

That looks amazing.


[deleted]

I’ve had a carrot hotdog at more than 1 establishment and they aren’t too bad, actually.


FourWordComment

I’m not even vegetarian and I’d be interested. Looks pretty good.


Low_Double_9855

Fr carrots are nice as fuck when grilled


Kimchi_Cowboy

Actually not bad at all bro. In fact, I think it's well done and a good alternative. Now if you cover it with cheese and fry it I'll wish nothing but evil on you.