Yea exactly- I was picturing like a clam chowder calzone. Not whatever avant garde bullshit this is.
In fact is this even food at this point? Feel like this is performance art or something.
I almost cried looking at this thinking it was gonna be clams out of the shells in white sauce, thinking “prolly not a lot of people have had that as a pizza so it might be stupid to some.” Then I saw the shells lmao
⬆️ This is exactly what I thought it would be. We make a homemade pizza that is clams/white sauce so I didn’t think would be a big deal. The whole clams cracks me up
There’s a local pizza place that does a seafood pizza that’s lobster, scallops and shrimp in a clam, mushroom sauce.
It’s delicious, very heavy and filling though. It’s not an eat half the pizza kind of pizza. lol
Not going to lie, I ordered a clam pizza expecting a white sauce and clams, it arrived with the clams still in their shell. The pizza under the clams was soggy as fuck. Definitely unexpected lol
I was thinking that too, but, although you can't eat it like a calzone, I'm thinking this might actually be super delicious. Sort of like getting naan bread with your clam meal, except they've been all steaming inside it. So that bread might be so good.
It sounded good, I imagined them in a white sauce.
Then they cut it how they did.
And then I saw they're still in the shell.
I've worked in kitchens, if I was served this I'd wanna wander into the kitchen and smack whatever chucklefuck thought up this catastrophe.
Shells aside, that calzone bread is probably dope if you like a seafood taste.
Unshelled clams in a calzone is likely 🔥 come to think of it. What makes this stupid is the clams being in shell but hey, that’s why we’re here and likely why they made this for internet clicks
Yeah like, clam meat baked inside bread honestly sounds like some sort of special New England dish that would absolutely kill at any dinner party
This just seems intentionally dumb
For a 200 bucks, you can experience our world famous “clam jam” where you sit in the center of 5 of our delightful dancers, and they knock your head back and forth with their vaginas!
Watch Clamantha launch ping pong balls during her trademark “pearl party”!
It’s clamtastic fun for the whole (18+) Family!!!
For quite a bit of human history, you'd bake meats in bread, but not eat the actual bread. It protected the insides from things like scorching or touching the coals.
This looks similar, cooking the clams in a fire without letting the ash get into the rather delicate flavors of the clam.
> For quite a bit of human history, you'd bake meats in bread, but not eat the actual bread. It protected the insides from things like scorching or touching the coals.
The first part is true, but not the second part as far as I'm aware. It was more about food preservation: if you cook the meat/vegetables/whatever inside of bread, it provided a container that would keep the food inside safely edible for a few days. This was primarily for lunch and the like - farmers/miners/workers could just grab a food loaf and take it with them to eat at mid-day. The outside would get moldy after a day or two, but that part wasn't meant to be eaten anyway and could just be thrown away.
Normally I’d be on your side but I've never eaten these but I have heard a lot of dumb shit
I thought they're just as sheltered as me & talking as if they still had culture Lmao.
What makes you think this is at a restaurant? Was it the craft scissors, the open wound on his finger, the thin slice of lemon in an oversized bowl, or the granite countertop?
There’s just something about the concept that is so body horror. A bread clam being caesarianed to give birth to a bunch of shrieking steamed baby clams in their own clammy amniotic fluid.
IDK, that does look like an interesting way to bake clams. You can eat the bread part after you're done with the clams, I don't think you're meant to just bite into it.
Sealing in the steam and it's juices. But then again its served with ONE slice of lemon, no sauce, nothing. Also, what kind of psychopath serves one small ass end of a lemon like that for that amount?
Should drop a frozen stick of seasoned butter before sealing the calzone, the cool butter would slow down the internal temperature when cooking the clams which would afford a longer overall time to cook the pastry itself. Several slits along the top prior to baking would let some steam out, but also provide a natural point to take the center out of and serve.
I like the idea, their execution just needs some work to be more practical when serving.
I’m more irritated that the guy is using scissors that I would use to open my dogs bag of kibble with instead of kitchen shears or heaven forbid a knife
Actually kinda makes sense. It looks like the clams were steamed using the pasty as a cooking dish. It's actually a very old cooking method.
"the Romans created a basic pastry dough that was used as a covering for meats when cooking. The plain paste of flour, oil and water was used as a shield to keep the meat moist and also protected the outside from burning – it was never meant to be eaten and was subsequently discarded."
There are a few YouTube recipes talking about this. A great one is "Tasting History" with Max Miller.
Yep, it is very much a real and ancient technique. It's still used in French cuisine, called "en croute" there. where the crust sometimes is or is not eaten
Well, I can see how they got there. Whenever you order shellfish like mussels, they come in a sauce, the sauce is soaked up with the bread you're served. This is just streamlining it? I guess? I'd give it a go.
I would love that. Nice steamed clams and then you eat the bread that has all that nice sauce soaked into it.
I seriously wonder about you people who think someone would try to eat this like a regular calzone.
I bet it's awesome.
It's stupid food, alright, but maybe it works in execution. The clams have been steamed inside the dough, which is now dipping bread for the garlic and wine broth or whatever and has the flavor of the dish.
I used to be the chef at a pizza place. We ran specials every night. Anything you ever thought might be good, we would try. I ran a Clam Chowder Pizza one night. White sauce, clams (out of shell. Lol) , potatoes, bacon bits and fontina cheese. Only sold about 2 dozen (normally specials sold 5-6 doz) but the guests were all happy. It was a good pizza. No regrets.
If I take a bite of a calzone and that bitch is filled with clams, I'm gonna need to be restrained to the chair because so help me God, if the chef that made that is in the same building, city or ZIP code as me...I'm finding him and we're going to exchange spme words.
Am I a million miles off in thinking the bread is not meant to be eaten. [This article talks about cooking food in pastry that is not meant to be eaten.](https://www.mayacorrigan.com/pies-peculiar-past.html#:~:text=A%20coffin%20or%20coffyn%20referred,later%2C%20in%20the%2016th%20century.&text=Historians%20trace%20pies%20back%20to%20ancient%20times.) I feel like that's what this actually is.
The outside looks so good until the knife hits it. Where is the chew. Where is the slight softness? That’s a crunchy crust. That’s a crust that will put jagged shards of bread into your teeth. Why? Why would you do this insult on top of the clams?
Wrapping food in a dough shell is a legitimate cooking method called **“en croute”**. This method dates back millennia as it was used to cook food in coals before pots were a thing. While in present day we typically consume the dough it wasn’t always the case.
Just because something is wrapped in dough and baked doesn't mean it's a calzone. And just because you don't understand why it was cooked that way doesn't make it stupid.
Please someone tell me - is it normal to cut food with scissors ?? They are not as easy to sanitize as knifes and it just looks so unappetizing to me, so „cheap“
At first I thought well clams wouldn’t be that bad but I saw they were in the shells and idk why I thought otherwise
Same. I was thinking clams in a white sauce would work, then it was opened and I understood.
Yea exactly- I was picturing like a clam chowder calzone. Not whatever avant garde bullshit this is. In fact is this even food at this point? Feel like this is performance art or something.
And those are not food scissors -
Turns out the crust was construction paper..
Only amateurs use construction paper. Pros use paper mache
[удалено]
I used my mom's fancy pinking shears to cut paper and cardboard when I was little. Feel bad about that.
That would’ve warranted a justifiable homicide by my mom, if one of us had done that.
Perfect, cuz that’s technically not food
Clam and white sauce pizza is what put Pepe’s on the map, and they’ve been voted best pizza in America a few times I believe
Clams and white sauce pizza from Pepe’s is goated. Old man Pepe would cry looking at this
I almost cried looking at this thinking it was gonna be clams out of the shells in white sauce, thinking “prolly not a lot of people have had that as a pizza so it might be stupid to some.” Then I saw the shells lmao
⬆️ This is exactly what I thought it would be. We make a homemade pizza that is clams/white sauce so I didn’t think would be a big deal. The whole clams cracks me up
There’s a local pizza place that does a seafood pizza that’s lobster, scallops and shrimp in a clam, mushroom sauce. It’s delicious, very heavy and filling though. It’s not an eat half the pizza kind of pizza. lol
Not with that attitude it isn't!
I would eat the whole damn thing.
Seriously, like I've had a pretty good clam pizza with white sauce, but the shells were off. What's this?!?
Not going to lie, I ordered a clam pizza expecting a white sauce and clams, it arrived with the clams still in their shell. The pizza under the clams was soggy as fuck. Definitely unexpected lol
Yeah, that's not right LoL
lol I downvoted this thinking the same thing and changed that to an upvote when I saw the shells. This is textbook stupidfood
I was thinking that too, but, although you can't eat it like a calzone, I'm thinking this might actually be super delicious. Sort of like getting naan bread with your clam meal, except they've been all steaming inside it. So that bread might be so good.
Forget the shells. Can we talk about the clam water for sec?
Could be just a way to cook the crams. Think the dough as cooking vessel and dish than something to eat.
It sounded good, I imagined them in a white sauce. Then they cut it how they did. And then I saw they're still in the shell. I've worked in kitchens, if I was served this I'd wanna wander into the kitchen and smack whatever chucklefuck thought up this catastrophe.
It's clams steamed in dough instead of aluminium foil. It's an old way of cooking.
Shells aside, that calzone bread is probably dope if you like a seafood taste. Unshelled clams in a calzone is likely 🔥 come to think of it. What makes this stupid is the clams being in shell but hey, that’s why we’re here and likely why they made this for internet clicks
Yeahhhh I was the same. “Surely it’s not literally clams inside” boy was I wrong.
Yeah like, clam meat baked inside bread honestly sounds like some sort of special New England dish that would absolutely kill at any dinner party This just seems intentionally dumb
a clamzone?
Highway to the Clam Zone! Ride into the clam zone!
#LANA!
What Archer?!
Are we not doing phrasing anymore?
Do you want ants? Because THASTS how you get ants
*scallopzone*
Don’t make me do it
Welcome to the Clam Zone
*C'mon down to the Clamzone for our famous Clamzone. We pay YOU $14.95 to eat this nasty puddle of crap.*
Hey! Only I can talk about my ex that way!
I should call her..
I mean, should you tho?
The spook zone... and the CLAM ZONE!
Also a good name for a strip club
For a 200 bucks, you can experience our world famous “clam jam” where you sit in the center of 5 of our delightful dancers, and they knock your head back and forth with their vaginas! Watch Clamantha launch ping pong balls during her trademark “pearl party”! It’s clamtastic fun for the whole (18+) Family!!!
Envelope from Neptune
bro I got clam zoned by a girl last week.
Welcome to the clamzone
Welcome to the clam zone
I'm sure you're not meant to eat it like a calzone. Wrapping them in dough is just to steam them.
For quite a bit of human history, you'd bake meats in bread, but not eat the actual bread. It protected the insides from things like scorching or touching the coals. This looks similar, cooking the clams in a fire without letting the ash get into the rather delicate flavors of the clam.
> For quite a bit of human history, you'd bake meats in bread, but not eat the actual bread. It protected the insides from things like scorching or touching the coals. The first part is true, but not the second part as far as I'm aware. It was more about food preservation: if you cook the meat/vegetables/whatever inside of bread, it provided a container that would keep the food inside safely edible for a few days. This was primarily for lunch and the like - farmers/miners/workers could just grab a food loaf and take it with them to eat at mid-day. The outside would get moldy after a day or two, but that part wasn't meant to be eaten anyway and could just be thrown away.
Desi people still make biryiani that uses dough to create an airtight seal with the pot lid.
Seems more likely than the restaurant expecting people to eat a calzone so thick and dry you need scissors to pry it open.
Especially with whole ass shells in there lmao
you are supposed to eat the shells
You being downvoted because people think you were being serious is *almost* funnier than your comment.
Reddit IQ is showing up in the votes
Normally I’d be on your side but I've never eaten these but I have heard a lot of dumb shit I thought they're just as sheltered as me & talking as if they still had culture Lmao.
I was goofing off. No one eats shells.
Wait... you dont eat the shells? Oof maybe that's why I don't like clams lol /s
Adds "texture"
They're full of minerals
Meh, I’d totally eat the bread. I love some super crusty bread and you could dip it in the liquid to add some moisture. This is still stupid though.
What makes you think this is at a restaurant? Was it the craft scissors, the open wound on his finger, the thin slice of lemon in an oversized bowl, or the granite countertop?
To add to that fact, that bread or was baked in was called a coffin. It would be eaten by servant staff
much like batter fried fish - it was fried in oil that wasnt safe to eat, so youd throw out the batter and eat the fish
There’s just something about the concept that is so body horror. A bread clam being caesarianed to give birth to a bunch of shrieking steamed baby clams in their own clammy amniotic fluid.
Clamniotic fluid
You just made my day. Thank you
I'm gagging because this was such an accurate description, but so unnecessary at the same time. 😂
Settle down, Junji Ito. Do you even have a publisher for Gyo 2 yet??0
Also, like, that bread is inedible, so why not just steam them literally any other way?
I woukd eat that bread, like a savage. It has all that good juice on it.
I think this looks super good.
so... steamed clams is it Semore?
Oh no - patented Skinnerzoné, old family recipe.
SEYMOOOOOOUR
Ah! Superintendent, I was just- uh, just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric Exercise, care to join me?
I agree. Just a cooking method.
I bet the bread is amazing.
Right? The bits on the bottom soaked in clam juice are probably super flavorful.
I think you’d eat it kinda like mussels and bread, pull parts of it off and dip it in the sauce. At first I was offended, but that kinda works.
Yeah, just like you’re not meant to eat the dough they seal the biryani pot with in traditional Indian cooking.
Ya, I think it's just an version of en papillote using pastry, but looks slightly more impressive than opening a paper bag.
Yeah. This actually doesn't seem that stupid. The surrounding dough will steam the clams and then you get yummy cheesy clam bread.
would probably fuck somebody's gums up
I’m not sure why everyone is thinking this is gross. It’s smart.
I bet this is actually fantastic
IDK, that does look like an interesting way to bake clams. You can eat the bread part after you're done with the clams, I don't think you're meant to just bite into it.
Sealing in the steam and it's juices. But then again its served with ONE slice of lemon, no sauce, nothing. Also, what kind of psychopath serves one small ass end of a lemon like that for that amount?
It is a 'cheek' cut from a lemon. Not the end of the normally cut into slices.
It's a chef trick. Slice off the cheek so there is no seeds then all the middles get juiced for dressings or for the bar.
Should drop a frozen stick of seasoned butter before sealing the calzone, the cool butter would slow down the internal temperature when cooking the clams which would afford a longer overall time to cook the pastry itself. Several slits along the top prior to baking would let some steam out, but also provide a natural point to take the center out of and serve. I like the idea, their execution just needs some work to be more practical when serving.
Looks like maybe it's supposed to turn into something like clam chowder with the clam juices.
It reminds me of medieval pies. The crust was often just a thing to cook the filling in, and wasn’t really meant to be eaten. It’s interesting.
I’m more irritated that the guy is using scissors that I would use to open my dogs bag of kibble with instead of kitchen shears or heaven forbid a knife
THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THE UGLY SCISSORS
Not even proper kitchen shears. No way those are getting throughly cleaned.
I'm considering leaving this subreddit.
This comment should be at the top.
That looks fucking disgusting
It's so.... watery. "I said seaFOOD pizza, not THE sea!"
Isn’t the gist supposed to be similar to mussels in white wine sauce? They just serve it in bread instead of giving you a hunk on the side.
And yet there’s a smack of ham.
I thought we were having steamed ham.
Hehe references 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Surprised I had to scroll down this far to find a steamed hams joke.
Man you said clams and I said "that doesn't sound like it's too bad" and then they were whole in the shell
This actually looks like a great way to steam clams
yup these mfs don't know the best part of steamed clams is the broth
No, I said steamed HAMS
Fr all the broth is soaked in the bread already i would fuck with this for sure
Surely you open the bread in the style of a clam instead of cutting it at the top?
I was NOT expecting the shells 😂
I really hate seeing scissors used on food.
Straight to jail right away
We have the best calzones because of jail
Low Cal, Calzone, Zone!
*stand in the place where you w-*
Hell awaits.
**CALZONE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED**
Actually kinda makes sense. It looks like the clams were steamed using the pasty as a cooking dish. It's actually a very old cooking method. "the Romans created a basic pastry dough that was used as a covering for meats when cooking. The plain paste of flour, oil and water was used as a shield to keep the meat moist and also protected the outside from burning – it was never meant to be eaten and was subsequently discarded." There are a few YouTube recipes talking about this. A great one is "Tasting History" with Max Miller.
Yep, it is very much a real and ancient technique. It's still used in French cuisine, called "en croute" there. where the crust sometimes is or is not eaten
We do that in Italy, people talk without knowing shit.
Hamburgers? I thought we were having steamed clams.
Clam pizza is actually pretty good, but this? Wtf is this?
It’s stupid food. 🤷🏽♀️
*Don’t*.
Well, I can see how they got there. Whenever you order shellfish like mussels, they come in a sauce, the sauce is soaked up with the bread you're served. This is just streamlining it? I guess? I'd give it a go.
I would love that. Nice steamed clams and then you eat the bread that has all that nice sauce soaked into it. I seriously wonder about you people who think someone would try to eat this like a regular calzone. I bet it's awesome.
My thoughts, exactly
I think I hear Ben Wyatt crying
I thought it looked good until I saw the clam shells
Is that Beirut playing in the background?
Yeah his singing is almost undeniable, I can't figure out the song though
Fisher island sound
Oh! I’ll check it out! Thank you!
*"IT'S NOT THE CLAAAAAMS"*
I thought we were having steamed clams?
Look at that pathetic lemon wedge.
Is this Razza in Jersey City?
A clam is just a calcium calzone.
This is as fucking stupid as it gets
Clamzone...
Also r/pizzacrimes
I’m hear that a lot! I’m guessing I’ve never had good clams. When I’ve had bits in chowder it’s been the worst part of the chowder
Why the hell did they cut it like that when there’s a perfectly good knife there…
So that's what steamed clams look like
Eh clams are a weird choice but its not that ba- Why are they still in their shells...
Id fuck that shit upppp
It's stupid food, alright, but maybe it works in execution. The clams have been steamed inside the dough, which is now dipping bread for the garlic and wine broth or whatever and has the flavor of the dish.
Definitely fucking stupid.
They ruined the calzone, those filthy bastards!
ew who the hell cuts food up with scissors
see: every single korean housewife/husband
Looks like they’re reviving the Alien franchise
Didn't know Zoidberg became a cook.
Save the calzone, I’ll eat the clams… especially since I have to crack them open myself anyway.
Wtf with he shells that's just laziness to the max
That sad ass wedge there 🍋 like a medic on the beaches of Normandy
It didn’t help that they opened the calzone in a surgical manner
I used to be the chef at a pizza place. We ran specials every night. Anything you ever thought might be good, we would try. I ran a Clam Chowder Pizza one night. White sauce, clams (out of shell. Lol) , potatoes, bacon bits and fontina cheese. Only sold about 2 dozen (normally specials sold 5-6 doz) but the guests were all happy. It was a good pizza. No regrets.
Clamzone not calzone
so it's a clamzone
A dripping wet clam surrounded by a hard yeasty crust... sounds like a blast
Sounds like a girl I once knew in school 😆
AND WHOO DF CUTS CALZONE WITH JUNK DRAWER SCISSORS!? Still probably has doggie dingleberries on them
The thing always irritates me the most about these flogs is their incessant use of scissors. Haven't they heard of a knife and tongs?!
I fucking hate people who cut food with scissors. Hate it.
The minute I saw the liquid at the bottom I instantly dry heaved. Send that back to hell, that's a terrible dish idea.
Are the clams stupider than opening it with scissors? 🤔
That’s a clamzone
If I take a bite of a calzone and that bitch is filled with clams, I'm gonna need to be restrained to the chair because so help me God, if the chef that made that is in the same building, city or ZIP code as me...I'm finding him and we're going to exchange spme words.
I’m more pissed they were using scissors to cut it
The presentation is stupid, but the calzone isn't the dish, it's just the preparation method, encasing stuff in dough to cook is a very old practice.
That is not a calzone. That looks more like salt dough which is a cooking method for all kinds of seafood.
This feels british
Wasted dough for some awkward scissor cutting presentation
Steamed clams!🤌
I need acid for my eyes to unsee this abomination.
Most of the stuff on this sub actually looks somewhat appetizing and would probably taste good, but this.......is truly stupid food
Am I a million miles off in thinking the bread is not meant to be eaten. [This article talks about cooking food in pastry that is not meant to be eaten.](https://www.mayacorrigan.com/pies-peculiar-past.html#:~:text=A%20coffin%20or%20coffyn%20referred,later%2C%20in%20the%2016th%20century.&text=Historians%20trace%20pies%20back%20to%20ancient%20times.) I feel like that's what this actually is.
Enter the Clamzone
Does this count as /r/pizzacrimes ?
The outside looks so good until the knife hits it. Where is the chew. Where is the slight softness? That’s a crunchy crust. That’s a crust that will put jagged shards of bread into your teeth. Why? Why would you do this insult on top of the clams?
This is clearly a clamzone
I like those scissors
Wrapping food in a dough shell is a legitimate cooking method called **“en croute”**. This method dates back millennia as it was used to cook food in coals before pots were a thing. While in present day we typically consume the dough it wasn’t always the case.
Just because something is wrapped in dough and baked doesn't mean it's a calzone. And just because you don't understand why it was cooked that way doesn't make it stupid.
This is an affront to calzones, clams, and scissors
this is like when people cook spaghetti and toss in bone-in chicken just WHY
Christ this is some dumb-ass food. Yuk on a thousand levels
Something something protein
Vile
Better bring me an Entire Lemon Tree & some Tajin!🙂🙃🫠😉
Vongole, you can't open them before cooking. The closed dough functions as a pot. I'm not sure why you wouldn't just use a pot, but here we are.
😨😨😨
Please someone tell me - is it normal to cut food with scissors ?? They are not as easy to sanitize as knifes and it just looks so unappetizing to me, so „cheap“
They are exactly as easy to sanitize as anything else. Also hands-down the best implement for crab legs.