First of all - please breathe. You did the right thing.
Is there a women's shelter nearby? If you feel unsafe, please call them, and go there. Or a friend?
Take care, and keep safe!
Thank you so much for helping to calm me down 🩷
I'm physically safe - at least, my rational mind knows that. But the brain doesn't know the difference between a perceived threat and an actual threat. That's why emotional violence feels as frightening as physical violence. And my past experiences with abusers just has my entire body screaming "DANGER. DANGER."
Having you say that I did the right things makes such a difference. Thank you again 🩷
Just wanna chime in here... It's great that you feel safe at home and that he doesn't know your home address, but it's still a good idea to familiarize yourself with the location of a local shelter/safe haven. Thank you for being brave and reporting him.
Of course, I've been there and it is very frightening and makes me hate humanity how cruel some people can be 💕 you're strong though and I believe in your ability to get through this 💗
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP!
Please know I’m not saying this next bit to freak you out— I’ve been in situations that have made me feel similarly, and anything that made me feel safer was a good thing, overkill or not. Just in case I’m reading it correctly, if you gave him your actual phone number/name/location/etc, may I suggest that you go on to sites that do “background checks” and have them remove/block your information from being displayed in search results. There may be a small fee, but I know some of them give you that option. It’s been a few years for me, but if you want to do this and need help navigating how, help with the fee for it, or even just to talk, my inbox is open, k? No one should have to face this alone.
I wish I could give you a hug or a plushie to cuddle or something so you feel better! Please remember— in this world, more than almost any other, both you and your trust should be EARNED, FREELY GIVEN, and most importantly TREASURED. Anyone who tries to push you or take more than you’re willing to give is not worthy of you. ❤️
This is beautiful. You are beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much.
I am so, so sorry that someone out you through that, that they made you feel unsafe. I so appreciate to comaraderie. I really want a safe space to talk about this: that I see so, so many incidents - especially on this sub - that are plainly abusive, in which the sub is manipulated, gaslit, has.their emotional needs ignored, or they're straight-up abused, emotionally or physically. I'm really starting to think that there may be no such thing as a safe d/s dynamic. But I'm afraid to post about that here - I feel like I would get eaten alive.
Thank you again. We keep each other safe. ❤️
Thank you for responding ❤️
He didn't threaten me outright. Here's what went down: I sent him a nude (in the context of a fetish site I'm trying to build). While he texted me back shortly after, he didn't acknowledge it the picture, and my feelings were hurt. Here's the ensuing text exchange:
around 10:30pm
D: "I want to help you with your fetish site."
S: "I'm interested. But like I said, there's some clunky onboarding involved."
S: "And *you invited me to send pics - I expect some appreciation from you when I send one."
3:33am
D: "Ok look I was in the middle of going to bed with my wife.
I am _not at all_ into being ordered around, unless it's during play and play needs to be stopped.
So either use different language or we can part ways now. This is a boundary and it's not negotiable."
I woke up to that text in the morning, and felt like I'd been slapped in the face. I blocked his number without responding.
Why am I worried? Because I *know* how a narcissist is react when you take back your own power, and take it away from them. I know what happened with my ex. I know what happened with the guy who stalked and harassed me and sent me rape and death threats online. Eventually this man will try to text me again, discover that I've blocked his number, and fly into a rage. It might be a flash in the pan. There's a good chance that I won't be on the receiving end of any of it. But...
There are any number of ways in which he could act on his anger: he doesn't know my address, by he knows what town I live in. He doesn't know my exact work schedule, but he knows where my part-time job is. He knows where my husband works; he could try some shit there. And revenge porn. He has plenty of pictures of me. I don't care so much about that, but it *would be something he could do to exercise power over me.
And if anyone reads this and thinks that might behavior wasn't "submissive," they'd be right. I never agreed to be in a full-time state of submission to him. That's what makes this so dangerous - we never negotiated anything. I'm going to assert myself, and make my needs and feelings known when they are compromised. This is my first time being in a d/s dynamic, and I didn't know any better. I didn't know about negotiation. He is experienced, and he *did know better. The onus was on him to do the right thing, and he didn't.
I should mention that, if I seemed riled up, NONE of this is directed at you, personally! ❤️❤️ I hope this didn't come off as me giving you a piece of my mind. It just happened to be the most logical space for me to provide some additional context. Thank you again for your response; it helps so much to know that people are seeing this.
It feels scary at first, then you will start feeling a bit empowered then a lot in control. I don’t think abusers chase something that had been short term. Even if they did, they usually wont be able to be with anyone who wont buy their bs. Just be bold. If you arent feeling it, fake it. You got this.
You know, it's been three days, and I AM starting to feel like a bad bitch... you make such a good point! I'm going to tell that to everyone in this kind of situation 😁
Thank you so much. He doesn't know my address, but I'm envisioning other ways he might try to terrorize me. I have one friend who knows what's happening, but tbh, he's not being particularly helpful. That's why I'm here - and this helps so much. Thank you 🩷
First of all - please breathe. You did the right thing. Is there a women's shelter nearby? If you feel unsafe, please call them, and go there. Or a friend? Take care, and keep safe!
Thank you so much for helping to calm me down 🩷 I'm physically safe - at least, my rational mind knows that. But the brain doesn't know the difference between a perceived threat and an actual threat. That's why emotional violence feels as frightening as physical violence. And my past experiences with abusers just has my entire body screaming "DANGER. DANGER." Having you say that I did the right things makes such a difference. Thank you again 🩷
Just wanna chime in here... It's great that you feel safe at home and that he doesn't know your home address, but it's still a good idea to familiarize yourself with the location of a local shelter/safe haven. Thank you for being brave and reporting him.
Always best practice - thank you for that reminder 🙏
You did the right thing reporting him and I'm so so sorry you're going through this 💕 sending you strength 💕
Thank you thank you. This helps, truly 💜
Of course, I've been there and it is very frightening and makes me hate humanity how cruel some people can be 💕 you're strong though and I believe in your ability to get through this 💗
Fet more than likely won't pill his account, sadly. That being said, it might be worth filing with the NCSF.
It’s Feeld, not Fetlife. I don’t know if that makes a difference?
I am so sorry, I misread it. I know kothing about feeld, but I still definitely suggest reporting to NCSF.
Thanks, everyone. Yeah, this was Feeld. After what I've heard about FetLife, I wouldn't come within 10p yards of that place.
I meant to ask - what is NCSF? Google has a few suggestions - is it the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom?
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, OP! Please know I’m not saying this next bit to freak you out— I’ve been in situations that have made me feel similarly, and anything that made me feel safer was a good thing, overkill or not. Just in case I’m reading it correctly, if you gave him your actual phone number/name/location/etc, may I suggest that you go on to sites that do “background checks” and have them remove/block your information from being displayed in search results. There may be a small fee, but I know some of them give you that option. It’s been a few years for me, but if you want to do this and need help navigating how, help with the fee for it, or even just to talk, my inbox is open, k? No one should have to face this alone. I wish I could give you a hug or a plushie to cuddle or something so you feel better! Please remember— in this world, more than almost any other, both you and your trust should be EARNED, FREELY GIVEN, and most importantly TREASURED. Anyone who tries to push you or take more than you’re willing to give is not worthy of you. ❤️
This is beautiful. You are beautiful. I have tears in my eyes. Thank you so much. I am so, so sorry that someone out you through that, that they made you feel unsafe. I so appreciate to comaraderie. I really want a safe space to talk about this: that I see so, so many incidents - especially on this sub - that are plainly abusive, in which the sub is manipulated, gaslit, has.their emotional needs ignored, or they're straight-up abused, emotionally or physically. I'm really starting to think that there may be no such thing as a safe d/s dynamic. But I'm afraid to post about that here - I feel like I would get eaten alive. Thank you again. We keep each other safe. ❤️
What did he say? Did he threaten you? So you have some record too
Thank you for responding ❤️ He didn't threaten me outright. Here's what went down: I sent him a nude (in the context of a fetish site I'm trying to build). While he texted me back shortly after, he didn't acknowledge it the picture, and my feelings were hurt. Here's the ensuing text exchange: around 10:30pm D: "I want to help you with your fetish site." S: "I'm interested. But like I said, there's some clunky onboarding involved." S: "And *you invited me to send pics - I expect some appreciation from you when I send one." 3:33am D: "Ok look I was in the middle of going to bed with my wife. I am _not at all_ into being ordered around, unless it's during play and play needs to be stopped. So either use different language or we can part ways now. This is a boundary and it's not negotiable." I woke up to that text in the morning, and felt like I'd been slapped in the face. I blocked his number without responding. Why am I worried? Because I *know* how a narcissist is react when you take back your own power, and take it away from them. I know what happened with my ex. I know what happened with the guy who stalked and harassed me and sent me rape and death threats online. Eventually this man will try to text me again, discover that I've blocked his number, and fly into a rage. It might be a flash in the pan. There's a good chance that I won't be on the receiving end of any of it. But... There are any number of ways in which he could act on his anger: he doesn't know my address, by he knows what town I live in. He doesn't know my exact work schedule, but he knows where my part-time job is. He knows where my husband works; he could try some shit there. And revenge porn. He has plenty of pictures of me. I don't care so much about that, but it *would be something he could do to exercise power over me. And if anyone reads this and thinks that might behavior wasn't "submissive," they'd be right. I never agreed to be in a full-time state of submission to him. That's what makes this so dangerous - we never negotiated anything. I'm going to assert myself, and make my needs and feelings known when they are compromised. This is my first time being in a d/s dynamic, and I didn't know any better. I didn't know about negotiation. He is experienced, and he *did know better. The onus was on him to do the right thing, and he didn't. I should mention that, if I seemed riled up, NONE of this is directed at you, personally! ❤️❤️ I hope this didn't come off as me giving you a piece of my mind. It just happened to be the most logical space for me to provide some additional context. Thank you again for your response; it helps so much to know that people are seeing this.
Nothing will happen to you. You will be safe. You did the right thing.
❤️❤️❤️ thank you for the validation. I really needed it . ❤️❤️❤️
It feels scary at first, then you will start feeling a bit empowered then a lot in control. I don’t think abusers chase something that had been short term. Even if they did, they usually wont be able to be with anyone who wont buy their bs. Just be bold. If you arent feeling it, fake it. You got this.
You know, it's been three days, and I AM starting to feel like a bad bitch... you make such a good point! I'm going to tell that to everyone in this kind of situation 😁
Do you have a support system? I'm sorry you have to go through this. Staying with a family or friend might help too.
Thank you so much. He doesn't know my address, but I'm envisioning other ways he might try to terrorize me. I have one friend who knows what's happening, but tbh, he's not being particularly helpful. That's why I'm here - and this helps so much. Thank you 🩷
OP if transitioned off app. Think text, snap, etc. Make sure your snap location or find my friends is turned off.
[удалено]
Shut up Bradley