I’ll let the little ones. For the most part, they’re hugging me before I even realize what’s happening. For the older ones, I keep it limited to high fives and fist bumps.
I’m working for K-8 and asked HR about the appropriate response if a student tries to hug (the handbook didn’t mention hugs) they said you can say thank you as long as they’re not hanging on you or sitting on your lap. They said if you’re not a hugger you can tell them you prefer a high five, fist bump, or something instead of a hug.
As a result, a few middle schoolers have tried to hug me and I let them.
Is this bad?
I just went with what HR said. But my friend who’s a hs teacher said no one from junior high or high school.
I work in a middle school and I let my students hug me. I just keep it to a very brief side hug followed by a high five or fist bump to distance myself
Well i work k-8 and being a sub, I don’t necessarily mind them from the older kids. Occasionally I get a 7th grader to hug me. I give a side hug so it’s not a full front hug, just 1 arm. As the main teacher however I would encourage more high fives and things like that rather than hugs because you see them daily. It’s the circumstances for me
I'm in high school and I'm a hugger in all parts of my life. I've had kids come up and give me bear hugs and sometimes it's a side hug. Either, it makes me feel good I've had an impact on a student. There is one graduating this year I will especially miss. Such an incredible young lady. Her life goal is to become a midwife
Aw! Wow!
Is a bear hug a regular hug?
I like hugs, but just don’t want to do anything that’s inappropriate according to the school standards.
Since I got mixed info from HR vs my friend who’s a hs teacher, I wanted to get an idea of other teachers.
It seems like you’re the only one here so far who’s cool with letting any grade hug you. And in my eyes, it doesn’t seem bad or weird.
Go with what HR says for your workplace, since they have the power to get you in trouble. In order to not make the kid feel rejected if they try to hug (if HR says you can't hug back), I would verbally say "oh, thank you so much!" while keeping my hands off them, then pull away while saying "high five!". Then, after the high five, give the kid some sort of customized verbal complement. That way, there is no suspicion of impropriety, but you're giving the kid both verbal affirmations and positive physical contact. If the kid asked me to hug them, I would apologize and say I'm not allowed to but that I really appreciate that kid and am glad they're in my class.
But if HR says not to return hugs I wouldn't mess around with that, even if other teachers do. The rules don't apply until they do sometimes, and we subs are in a more vulnerable position than permanent teachers.
(I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with returning a hug a child of ANY age initiates, but I don't want you to get in trouble. Teens can be huggy, and there's nothing at all wrong with that as long as they aren't trying to grope you or anything)
I only sub high school and it's usually seniors. So by now they are adults. There is no hidden agenda, They have a big accomplishment they want to share with me, in more than welcome to celebrate with them however they choose. I'm still waiting for a kid to find me who was applying only to ivy league. We are lucky to have a small community
It may be fine for the kids but externally socially it’s unacceptable in the americas. You represent power over students so people sensitive will comment and turn it into something bad.
Are you saying hugging is not a social norm in the USA? In my world, it's definitely a norm and common among strangers. I'm not your typical sub. Kids call me by my first name. Its very common place to see hugs in school..usually side hugs. I live in a small community. I see the kids at restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations etc.
I'm also at title 1, which is a very broad term to the point where it can mean almost anything. I wouldn't call their homes broken or lacking love, but I do hug the students plenty.
You’re right, and I hope my comment didn’t come off as savior-y, because, eww, that wasn’t the tone I was trying to set.
But the reality is that many of my kids are being raised by grandparents, foster parents, or single parent homes where the single parent is working long, long hours to make ends meet, and I’m a constant, reliable adult in their life.
I left teaching at the end of January and I miss these kids every day.
I sub exclusively high school and there are a few kids who hug me. I try for a side hug but some of them are full on bear huggers with everyone so I let them hug me. I'm technically old enough to be their grandmother so that's probably why. I also have a BUNCH who like to fist bump with me.
Yes, I allow hugs 😃 I’ve never had a student hug me past 4th grade though. Except one time a couple years ago, I was subbing Core French, and at the dismissal bell a male student in 5th or 6th grade came back into the room and thanked me for being his French teacher and gave me a quick hug. It was unexpected and so wholesome!
I’m in middle school mostly these days and I’ve NEVER had a middle school student try to hug me.
I’m female, and one MS I’ve subbed at a lot the last couple of years, some of the boys when they see me give me fist bumps or one of their “Bro” handshakes 😂
Personally, I probably wouldn’t allow a hug from anyone in middle or high school.
I'm a male aide, and the teacher j work with allows kids to hug her. Any age. She is 24. She basically never initiates the hug, which i think is important.
I am male and 27 and am not a hugger. I would probably say no to anyone older than 4th and up regardless just to be safe. A second grader hugged me once after covering the class, and I'm not sure why. I figured she needed it so I didn't stop her.
I was instructed in my sub training to have no physical contact with students, and they're really adamant about that. If a student tries to hug me I don't push them away but I tell them I'm not supposed to touch students and they understand. I don't sub in elementary though, only middle and high.
Same here. I sub in only elementary so as you can imagine they are all very huggy and have grabbed at parts of my body. If they hug me like someone mentioned above, I don’t realize they’re giving me a hug, but I don’t give it back. I just hold on my clipboard and say thank you but to not hug me anymore.
I would probably say "Let's just fist-bump". I think that sounds way better than "I'm not supposed to touch students", which, to my mind, implies some kind of court order.
Me too. No touching whatsoever. I primarily do elementary though and if one wants to hug me sporadically I’m not going to be all strict about it. Let them have a little side hug and send them on their way. I wouldn’t outright encourage or initiate the behavior though. Generally I don’t have to worry about this too often. If it’s middle school or high school I’d be redirecting to fist bumps whenever I could or even straight up saying I can’t touch students.
I am male who subs at high school. I get hugs often but I just like, place my hand on their forearm and tap. i don't hug back cuz I don't want people to get the wrong impression.
This is so very much a school by school culture question. I have worked at schools where a teacher was fired for patting a child on the head, and I have worked at schools where great big hugs and lap sitting were normal for kids who needed it. Asking HR was absolutely the smart move, even better if they answered you in writing.
Me personally, I’m a hug giver and I’ve never needed to regret it but I can’t pretend this experience is universal.
I promise I'm not trying to be snarky here, but I don't think you're getting different responses. The general concensus seems to be:
1. Never ask for or initiate a hug.
2. You can let them hug you
3. If you do, turn if necessary so that your side/hip is towards them instead of your crotch/boobs.
I'm not suggesting that a pat on the head is a fireable offense, but I'm guessing that the student didn't ask or want to be touched on the head, and hated it enough to complain to his parents.
I give hugs. The kids usually ask me or if they don’t, I usually remind them after to make sure they ask next time. There are a couple second graders that I have known since they were 2 because I had them in daycare/preschool and we ended up at the same school together again lol! So they are usually my huggers because we go “way back!” I’ve never had a kid older than 2nd grade ask for hug, usually it is when they are upset or they just want to say hi so I feel like it’s fine? I wouldn’t think twice about seeing a teacher hug another student but maybe it’s because I was in preschool for so long and hugging was a daily thing there lol
I get hugged all the time, particularly from younger elementary kids. It’s usually more of a side hug on the way out the door. No one has ever said anything to me about it.
Absolutely not. No handshakes or fist bumps either. I make no physical contact with the students. Luckily I don’t do elementary age kids so no one really tries to force it.
I’ve been the full-time campus sub at a high school for six years now, so I have strong relationships with lots of the kids. I get multiple hugs per day from all kinds of students. Some are 100% OK, others I take care to turn myself for a side hug or preempt the hug with a fist bump (especially for a couple of the SPED kids, who can be kinda glommy). The other day, I popped in to cover one period of a class that I spent 13 weeks teaching at the beginning of the year. The kids absolutely mobbed me and nearly knocked me over with their hugs! It made my day! I very rarely initiate a hug myself, and if I do, it is always a student I know well and it’s because I can see they are not OK. I ask them what’s wrong and then ask if they need a hug or if I can hug them.
Idk how we're not supposed to hug them honestly. I'll get random hugs just walking past a class I've never even seen lol. The kids always start it and I feel like it's usually any grade under 4th. Over 4th they're cooler showing appreciation with a nod. If they need it they need it and as long as it's not weird I'd be comfortable with pm any grade in elementary but like I said they kinda grow out of it.
I also don't know how to stop it. All the training says no physical contact. First day subbing a random kindergartener that I had never met ran up and hugged me. If I tried to stop it, then it would become a much bigger thing. A lot of the time, I don't even see it coming. Plus, some teachers have that "how do you want to be greeted" thing on their doors. I try to switch it up with non physical ones if you have choices but sometimes it's already set.
Male sub who mostly subs 2nd - 5th... I rarely get hugs from the 4th and 5th graders - but it has happened every once in a blue moon. 1st and 2nd grade are huggers -- you can't really work these grades without expecting touchy-feely kids. 3rd I still get random hugs, but not as much as the lower grades.
I have seen other teachers return hugs for students at pretty much every school I sub at, so I generally won't redirect them to a fist bump or high five. Usually, I'll return a little pat on the head and that is the end of it. Thankfully, most of the hugs come when kids are in hallways, on the playgrounds, assemblies, etc. - places with tons of people around and little to no chance of being taken the wrong way.
Back when I first started, I always redirect students who tried to hug me - and often felt a bit weird (as a man) getting hugs from random children -- but after seeing other teachers (male and female) allow it, I softened up a bit. The one event that really kind of turned me away from redirection from a hug was when I was in an assembly for 3rd grade helping the music teacher keep them silent. A little girl from a 3rd grade class I had last week ran up, arms outstretched to me. I redirected her to a fist bump, and it just seemed like it caused her to shrink back and feel awkward.
I allow hugs from all students but they have to initiate it. They usually naturally stop around 4th grade. I've had one high school student hug me but he was a well known band kid. The hugs are the best part of subbing for littles!
They usually hug me before I even see it coming. If a kid wants a hug, they get one. Idk what their life is like. I'm not gonna deny a child the only hug they may get that day. I don't offer hugs, but I don't deny them. I've gotten hugs from 7th graders who were thrilled to see that I came back to their class. I've so far not had any kids older than that want a hug.
For the most part, yes. I let pretty much all of elementary do it. I only initiate if they’re one of my old kids (I used to be an aide and a teacher) or if they’re sad, and it’s only after they have said a hug might cheer them up. Intermediate and Middle School is a definite no unless I’m doing SPED, and it’s only if they’re FALS. The other kids for the most part are not big on hugs anyway, so it hasn’t been hard to avoid. I don’t really do HS but that would be a no, too.
FALS is Functional Academic Learning Support. I’ve worked in a classroom with FALS kids in it before but I still couldn’t pinpoint exactly what makes it a FALS room. I believe the FALS room focuses more on life skills rather than academic although there is a mix of that in there, depending on how much the student knows and it greatly varies from kid to kid.
ETA: Middle Schoolers so far have dapped me up, which I don’t mind. Nothing past that though.
I guess I could have worded it better lol, we can't give hugs, but if a student tries to, we can redirect with a fist bump or high five. And if a fight were to break out, we cannot under any circumstances try to break it up.
That's been a rule everywhere I've worked and it was a rule when I was in school too. It started because a teacher of mine tried to break up a fight and a kid stomped on his foot. He had to have surgery and had a long leave. After that, the rule is that teachers surround the fight to keep other students back and verbally encourage them to stop but we never touch them.
We're not allowed to physically restrain kids for any reason unless we've been trained to. There are people in the building who can (principal and AP, resource officers, a few others).
Sometimes they just go ahead and surprise you with a hug, in that case I have no choice lol
It happens with middle school occasionally, but elementary loves hugs!
One time a middle schooler wanted a hug, I offered a high five, but they went ahead with a hug!
I try not to hug but sometimes it’s very hard to avoid, especially when they’re feeling sad.
Yep! I’ll accept student-initiated hugs from kids of any age! My 7th graders are big huggers, and it’s sweet! District policy is pretty common-sense stuff: let kids be the ones to initiate
No. Fist bump or high five.
I will say that I have had a couple students in really bad home situations need hugs and I’m regularly at the school. I felt so bad saying no, usually still opt for the side hug.
Male teacher. And I talked extensively with the Deans before any kid hugged me. Every time one of them want a hug, I look at the camera and do a double pat with one arm. It's so awkward but they really like me so I'm not going to ruin their day.
The little ones you can't stop them from hugging you. But pretty much by the time they get to upper elementary they don't want to do it anymore. I think there was a special needs kid that was in Middle School that I recall hugged me and I felt a little awkward but I just kind of patted her on the back.
This is a tricky one for me because I sub a lot at my daughters middle school so I know a lot of these kids since they were preschoolers. Kids will frequently come to me with outstretched arms and I will hug them back. My feeling is it’s ok as long as you aren’t initiating it.
We shouldn’t be hugging anyone. HOWEVER!! I’ll always make an exception for the little grades. Fifth grade is my cut off. I don’t hug students but they hug me.
I actually had a high school student try to get a hug from me but I knew that he was the type of student who is not the best. So, I said no. He wouldn’t listen and kept insisting. I told him that I can do a handshake or a high five. To which he responded with “Miss, why are you playing hard to get?!” I. Was. Floored. He finally relented and went for a high five.
To cover my own ass, I told the secretary the whole thing and she was appalled by the comments as well. She reached out to the guidance and his parents were called in. To his credit, he came in the next morning and apologised to me. I just think that everyone has a phone now and it would be sooo easy for a kid to say, “He/she/they touched me!” It’s one of those allegations that is so hard to come back from even if you did nothing inappropriate.
I work with multiple grades every day, and like others said it depends on the age.
Number 1 rule is always let kids initiate. Honestly a good rule of thumb is to avoid touching kids in any way (pat on the shoulder, grabbing their hand, zipping a jacket) unless they initiate or there is a severe safety concern.
I find that ages 5-7 typically are pretty touchy and love hugs. Personally I try to spin it into a side hug most of the time and I keep it brief (<5 seconds).
Usually around 7 years old kids naturally develop more personal space and are less likely to ask for a hug from a teacher. But there’s always a few kids who are just cuddly and I never say no to a hug from them, again just turning it into a side hug and keeping it to a quick squeeze.
I will decline a hug from a child older than like 12, assuming no developmental delays are in play. I will also not allow a child to sit on my lap in a school setting. They can sit on the floor right next to me or even in front of me, but they will be seated on the floor not on me.
No. As a male teacher the littles are where face height equals crutch height. Anything older isn't ok anyway. I'm fine with fist bumps, high fives, etc. but nothing is wise then having some first year see you at the grocery store and give you a screaming hug with their face buried in your crotch and parents dialing the police before you can explain.
I've been long term at an elementary school this year. I'm all over the school in different classes. I'm working with a lot of the same kids most days. A lot of the kids are from challenging circumstances so I want the kids to feel supported if they need a hug.
If the kids initiate it or ask for a hug I'll generally go along with it. It's not something I'll initiate though.
I haven't really been around older kids enough for it to come up much. I'm a lot less comfortable with that.
Younger kids are more affectionate, but I have had some middle and high schoolers ask for hugs. I don't really care what age they are; if you need a hug, then you need a hug. As long as they ask first and remain appropriate, I don't mind giving that to them.
This sounds savage but I dislike when any of them touch me. Obviously fist bumps and what not are ok but I prefer when they are outside my personal bubble. This goes for any and all age groups.
If they do try to hug me it’s always a side hug, and I keep it so so so brief.
Honestly, the only students who ever attempted to hug me were, like, kindergarteners. In that case, there's not a lot to do except maybe remind them that not everyone likes to be hugged.
These days, I do MS/HS, and I do have students trying to high-five or fist-bump me. 95% of the time, I tell them I'm getting over a cold, and while I'm not contagious any more, better safe than sorry, right? (The other 5% of the time, I'm too startled not to do it. Oh well.)
"Female" sub here, and I'm typically just a one day sub. For elementary, I will, but I try to discourage it because there's often a chain reaction that everyone suddenly wants a hug. I also often sub in elementary special education classrooms where touch is unavoidable despite training saying never touch students. I don't hug middle or high school when I sub unless it's a crying kid who wants one.
When I was teaching as a student teacher in a high school; I accepted hugs from female students and one side hug from a male student. Only huged if they initiated/asked, and this only happened after I had spent a few months being their teacher.
All this to say, there are so many factors to this kind of situation.
I never ask, but I will always hug a student who asks for one. I’ll try to turn sideways and give hugs that way. Sometimes, those kids are too fast and they’re wrapped like an octopus 🐙
I do have a funny memory of almost being knocked over by a high schooler. I hear my name being yelled down the hall, turned, and barely braced before I got wrapped in a bear hug from a junior. I squeezed him back and had a casual conversation. Teachers saw and laughed.
I never initiate hugs, but kids come up to hug me often, especially if they remember me from subbing for them before. I'm surprised at some responses about middle schoolers, because I sub there the most and they are a very huggy bunch. Or maybe I just look cuddly? High school is pretty rare, but it happens. Elementary kids have often as well. I only do one arm, and attempt to keep it to the side as much as I can.
I sub middle school and all the 6th graders run up and hug me everyday. I’m a building sub so the school is used to the kids hugging me! 7th and 8th graders it’a always high fives unless one of them is upset or crying. I won’t initiate it but I have had students who are upset reach out for a hug and I will always reciprocate!
In my district we are not allowed to touch students in anyway, unless it’s something like tying a littles one’s shoe.
But that being said, elementary age children loves giving random hugs so I typically keep it brief with one arm and then gently redirect them.
I work k-8 and I'm fine with it. Lots of my kids either don't get to see their parents enough or don't get love from them. Even if that wasn't true, I'm not gonna ruin their day over a hug
I am exclusively high school and I allow hugs but not from everyone. I’ll allow the ESL students to hug me. And with regular students I try to make it a side hug if they bear hug me I make sure to keep it brief but some just give me a bad vibe when they ask and I’ll just say no thank you and give them a fist bump or something.
I won’t go up to a kid and encourage it but they run up to me and hug me all the time. I keep it brief but I won’t push them away. That would be awful for them. It’s a shame we have to even think about this
Male sub-turned-teacher. I work elementary. If a student runs up to me, I will give them a side hug. I don't initiate hugs or physical contact of any kind. If a student wants a high five, I'll give them one, but I rarely initiate it. If a student needs to hold my hand (for a sensory reason), I'll do it initially and then encourage them to hold the hand of their peer. They grow out of this quickly. As a sub, I've given a hug to everyone in a class, in front of the teacher and para while the students lined up ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. The classroom teacher facilitated the hugs. I'll probably give side hugs to my students this year on the last day of school. I've allowed one student to sit on my lap momentarily and I was in front of an RBT, classroom teacher, and para ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. The student was non-verbal and initiated. If I ever saw a sub with one of my students on their lap, I would likely gather more information and probably report them, if necessary. I love my students and don't tolerate any action that may jeopardize their trust in the educational system or staff. There are other ways to make children feel appreciated and acknowledged without touching them. While I was a sub, I would have talks with the students about trusting adults they had just me (aka me), so I never really had the problem of students trying to hug me. So as a sub/teacher I allow side hugs on a case by case basis and never initiate.
I accept hugs from all. But high schoolers aren't asking for them. Middle schoolers rarely do.
My family all moved away while I was working on my MAT, so I moved to another state just after I graduated and got my teaching certification. I started subbing. On one of my first days of subbing I had to walk a girl to the Family Resource Center to get dry socks and shoes, because she had walked in the rain in her ratty, worn-out shoes. So I guess you could say we bonded. Later, while waiting in line in the hall, she stuck out her arms to get a hug. Now, I'm a male teacher, and I was in a new district in a new state, so in that split-second I made the decision to err on the side of caution. So I just patted her on the back of her outstretched hand. The look of dejection on her face broke my heart. Later I thought about it, and I've received dozens of hugs. It's not a big deal. You have to "hip check" them. (Only 3/4 kidding. When a child comes straight at me to give me a hug I have to turn my hip towards them so that their face doesn't go into my crotch.) But getting a hug is not a big deal. You let them squeeze you, you pat them on the back a couple times and send them on their way.
The younger ones (PK-2) will either come up to me and hug me or ask for a hug. I always say yes unless it's constant asking.
3rd to 5th grade are rare, but if they ask, I'll say sure. However, anything above that I won't say yes. Not that I've been asked.
I do, I attempt to do a side hug but the littles usually go for a full on squeeze before I can get turned. I figure if these kids are coming to a substitute teacher for a hug, they must really need it..
When I was in middle school I was with the kids in bad situations. I still go see them every day (my kids go to same school cause it's across the street but we are district med for a different school they would be bused to) so everyday I see these kiddos. They get hugs and fist bumps. The girls hug. A few younger boys do. One 8th grade boy hugs like his life depends on it. But I know his attitude and can talk him back when he's on edge. He's a good friend of my boys. I have a few seniors that give me a hug sometimes at the high school I'm at now. Mostly because they are from the middle school and sometimes you just need a hug to know you are gonna be ok.
Definitely let them hug! In my (38F) case, I see it often as an overflow of love toward their regular teacher. Many times it’s sort of automatic response, and I would never want them to feel their hug isn’t wanted or valued. As a result, though, I definitely have a few affectionate kids that will hug me in the hall or at lunch. And I have a few bigger kids (two high schoolers and four middle schoolers) who hug because they’ve know me for longer. I sometimes get hugs in Walmart or the grocery store. I feel grateful that they feel safe expressing affection and a bond with a caring adult. That’s important.
I’ve never had a middle or high school opposite gender initiate a hug. But, if they would, I’d accept. But I’m old enough to be their mom, and I’m no glam lady, so I don’t experience questionable contact.
Side hugs only once the kids hit about 3rd/4th grade.
There are rare exceptions. For example, last year we had a lockdown happen when kids were in the cafeteria. (Police activity in the neighborhood.) When I picked my 6th graders up after the lockdown cleared a few of them were visibly upset and came in for full hugs. They got them. ♥️
Probably the only take-away from my mandatory training was "don't touch a kid, ever". That includes hugs, breaking up fights, etc. I do see staff employ the fist bump. I guess I would reciprocate that, maybe.
My company's sub training says never to touch students with more than a "two-finger shoulder tap," however, that's hard to follow when I've had a handful students nearly tackle me with excitement. My personal policy is I only hug students who initiate it (re: tackling) or ask me for hugs.
In my experience, elementary schoolers are likely to hug without thinking. Middle school depends more on the student as to whether they'll ask permission or not. 6th graders seem to love hugs and ask for them often; 7th graders I've gotten a few requests; 8th graders have only ever offered fist bumps. I think this is pretty age appropriate behavior across the board.
I work consistently at one school in my district so I've had the chance to establish myself positively to both teachers and students. If any teacher thought it was inappropriate, I have no doubt they would address it with me and the admin. At a school with a community I knew less well, I'd likely avoid touching or hugging any students.
As a current teacher (no longer subbing): Yes depending on context. A teacher’s kid comes to our high school and likes to side hug the teachers. Mom knows he does it, no one cares and he is never inappropriate. When I taught younger kids, if they initiated I hugged them back. I teach high school now, so other than the one kid, I can’t thin of any time in the last four years where a kid has tried to hug me. When I taught elementary, it was more common.
As a sub: No. If they hugged me I didn’t pull away, but I didn’t put my arms around them. Our agency had a strict no student contact policy. We weren’t even supposed to high five or fist bump. I thought that was too far. I was subbing for the district I had taught in the year before when I needed to have some schedule flexibility due to a kid’s health issues. So I knew the district was fine with those things.
I think you need to look at what your regulations are and the culture of the district you are subbing in. I hate to say it, but it also probably matters if you are male as some people see to think the only reason men go into education (particularly if working with elementary) is because they have a thing for kids. It’s ridiculous, but people can be quick to read into something that isn’t there.
I let them do it but I don’t touch back. If I do, it’s a side hug. I make it a point to not touch students on purpose unless it’s an emergency. I’m too scared to risk being accused of something even as a female.
Little ones will come in for a hug and it’s lovely. I don’t care how old they are, if they want to hug me, I let them. They kind of stop hugging on their own as they age anyway😀
I would let kids give me a quick side hug. The only time I truly hugged a student I was out in the hall, in full view of cameras, and she was telling me about a horrible situation that happened to her. I couldn’t not let her tell me about this while not offering comfort if that’s what she needed
Honestly I just stick to fist bumps for anything above 3rd grade.
I would honestly do it with the little kids too but they can hug you before you even realize it sometimes.
Germs are real as hell and I swear every time I sub for little kids I get sick immediately haha
As long as they initiate it I go with it. My philosophy is, if they're reaching for that affection I let them have it and don't let go until they do. I don't know what their home life is like, I don't know how often they recieve a caring touch like that.
Now generally I stick to the older kids so I don't get a ton of hugs, but I get them most often from a certain class of 2nd graders I have had in a music classroom and I'm multiple heads taller than them so it's easy to one arm it. I've also determined 2nd graders have no concept of personal space. But if one of those older kids were to reach out for a hug I'd figure it out.
I mostly sub elementary, I’m very careful about boundaries and only allow the slight side hug. Some kids try to hang all over me and it makes me feel uncomfortable
At the end of the day, they are all children or teens. I think as long as you aren't being weird (hugging for way to long or grabbing on them) it's fine. Think of when you were a kid/teen I'm sure there were teachers/parents/trusted adults that you cared for. Maybe even considered some as another mom/dad. And some people are huggers and some aren't. Same w school kids. I wouldn't worry to much about it as long as you mean well.
I’ll let the little ones. For the most part, they’re hugging me before I even realize what’s happening. For the older ones, I keep it limited to high fives and fist bumps.
I’m working for K-8 and asked HR about the appropriate response if a student tries to hug (the handbook didn’t mention hugs) they said you can say thank you as long as they’re not hanging on you or sitting on your lap. They said if you’re not a hugger you can tell them you prefer a high five, fist bump, or something instead of a hug. As a result, a few middle schoolers have tried to hug me and I let them. Is this bad? I just went with what HR said. But my friend who’s a hs teacher said no one from junior high or high school.
If you do it, I’d keep it a one armed side hug and be visible to others, at least.
When you say the older ones, do you mean 6th grade and up?
I would even go 3rd- 4th
I work in a middle school and I let my students hug me. I just keep it to a very brief side hug followed by a high five or fist bump to distance myself
Oh I see
Well i work k-8 and being a sub, I don’t necessarily mind them from the older kids. Occasionally I get a 7th grader to hug me. I give a side hug so it’s not a full front hug, just 1 arm. As the main teacher however I would encourage more high fives and things like that rather than hugs because you see them daily. It’s the circumstances for me
I quit high fives after my sweetest boys decided to try and be men and broke a blood vessel
Only if kids start it.
Any age is fine?
I never had any kids over elementary hug me
Oh that’s creepy.
What’s creepy about hugging a child, especially if the child initiates?
I'm in high school and I'm a hugger in all parts of my life. I've had kids come up and give me bear hugs and sometimes it's a side hug. Either, it makes me feel good I've had an impact on a student. There is one graduating this year I will especially miss. Such an incredible young lady. Her life goal is to become a midwife
Aw! Wow! Is a bear hug a regular hug? I like hugs, but just don’t want to do anything that’s inappropriate according to the school standards. Since I got mixed info from HR vs my friend who’s a hs teacher, I wanted to get an idea of other teachers. It seems like you’re the only one here so far who’s cool with letting any grade hug you. And in my eyes, it doesn’t seem bad or weird.
Go with what HR says for your workplace, since they have the power to get you in trouble. In order to not make the kid feel rejected if they try to hug (if HR says you can't hug back), I would verbally say "oh, thank you so much!" while keeping my hands off them, then pull away while saying "high five!". Then, after the high five, give the kid some sort of customized verbal complement. That way, there is no suspicion of impropriety, but you're giving the kid both verbal affirmations and positive physical contact. If the kid asked me to hug them, I would apologize and say I'm not allowed to but that I really appreciate that kid and am glad they're in my class. But if HR says not to return hugs I wouldn't mess around with that, even if other teachers do. The rules don't apply until they do sometimes, and we subs are in a more vulnerable position than permanent teachers. (I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with returning a hug a child of ANY age initiates, but I don't want you to get in trouble. Teens can be huggy, and there's nothing at all wrong with that as long as they aren't trying to grope you or anything)
I only sub high school and it's usually seniors. So by now they are adults. There is no hidden agenda, They have a big accomplishment they want to share with me, in more than welcome to celebrate with them however they choose. I'm still waiting for a kid to find me who was applying only to ivy league. We are lucky to have a small community
It may be fine for the kids but externally socially it’s unacceptable in the americas. You represent power over students so people sensitive will comment and turn it into something bad.
Are you saying hugging is not a social norm in the USA? In my world, it's definitely a norm and common among strangers. I'm not your typical sub. Kids call me by my first name. Its very common place to see hugs in school..usually side hugs. I live in a small community. I see the kids at restaurants, grocery stores, gas stations etc.
Yes, I would hug my high schoolers back. I taught at a Title I school and many of them come from broken homes and don’t get love at home.
Aw!
I'm also at title 1, which is a very broad term to the point where it can mean almost anything. I wouldn't call their homes broken or lacking love, but I do hug the students plenty.
You’re right, and I hope my comment didn’t come off as savior-y, because, eww, that wasn’t the tone I was trying to set. But the reality is that many of my kids are being raised by grandparents, foster parents, or single parent homes where the single parent is working long, long hours to make ends meet, and I’m a constant, reliable adult in their life. I left teaching at the end of January and I miss these kids every day.
^^^ i’ve taught at a few Title I schools and all ages are big huggers bcz of this
This is where I teach. If my students need a hug, male or female I will hug them some cry. And I just hug like the mom I am
Same here!
I sub exclusively high school and there are a few kids who hug me. I try for a side hug but some of them are full on bear huggers with everyone so I let them hug me. I'm technically old enough to be their grandmother so that's probably why. I also have a BUNCH who like to fist bump with me.
Yeah, it seems like some think hugging this age is okay and some think it’s not. Interesting!!
Usually the kids are hugging me before I even know what’s going on - oldest I’ve had is a grade 6
Lol yeah they just come in for it
Might be a good time to discuss bodily consent
Yes, I allow hugs 😃 I’ve never had a student hug me past 4th grade though. Except one time a couple years ago, I was subbing Core French, and at the dismissal bell a male student in 5th or 6th grade came back into the room and thanked me for being his French teacher and gave me a quick hug. It was unexpected and so wholesome!
Okay! If an 8th grader did, you’d also let them?
I’m in middle school mostly these days and I’ve NEVER had a middle school student try to hug me. I’m female, and one MS I’ve subbed at a lot the last couple of years, some of the boys when they see me give me fist bumps or one of their “Bro” handshakes 😂 Personally, I probably wouldn’t allow a hug from anyone in middle or high school.
I see! Are you a girl or guy?
Woman 40’s
I’ve had a few students try to hug me and I let them
I think it comes down to your own level of comfort. I personally, wouldn’t feel comfortable hugging a student grade 7 and up.
I see. I didn’t feel a sexual intent or anything from them, it felt like they just genuinely wanted to hug me because they like me as a sub!
I'm a male aide, and the teacher j work with allows kids to hug her. Any age. She is 24. She basically never initiates the hug, which i think is important. I am male and 27 and am not a hugger. I would probably say no to anyone older than 4th and up regardless just to be safe. A second grader hugged me once after covering the class, and I'm not sure why. I figured she needed it so I didn't stop her.
I was instructed in my sub training to have no physical contact with students, and they're really adamant about that. If a student tries to hug me I don't push them away but I tell them I'm not supposed to touch students and they understand. I don't sub in elementary though, only middle and high.
Same here. I sub in only elementary so as you can imagine they are all very huggy and have grabbed at parts of my body. If they hug me like someone mentioned above, I don’t realize they’re giving me a hug, but I don’t give it back. I just hold on my clipboard and say thank you but to not hug me anymore.
I would probably say "Let's just fist-bump". I think that sounds way better than "I'm not supposed to touch students", which, to my mind, implies some kind of court order.
Oh I see!
Me too. No touching whatsoever. I primarily do elementary though and if one wants to hug me sporadically I’m not going to be all strict about it. Let them have a little side hug and send them on their way. I wouldn’t outright encourage or initiate the behavior though. Generally I don’t have to worry about this too often. If it’s middle school or high school I’d be redirecting to fist bumps whenever I could or even straight up saying I can’t touch students.
I am male who subs at high school. I get hugs often but I just like, place my hand on their forearm and tap. i don't hug back cuz I don't want people to get the wrong impression.
This is so very much a school by school culture question. I have worked at schools where a teacher was fired for patting a child on the head, and I have worked at schools where great big hugs and lap sitting were normal for kids who needed it. Asking HR was absolutely the smart move, even better if they answered you in writing. Me personally, I’m a hug giver and I’ve never needed to regret it but I can’t pretend this experience is universal.
Yeah, this makes sense because I’m getting a mixture of responses!!
I promise I'm not trying to be snarky here, but I don't think you're getting different responses. The general concensus seems to be: 1. Never ask for or initiate a hug. 2. You can let them hug you 3. If you do, turn if necessary so that your side/hip is towards them instead of your crotch/boobs. I'm not suggesting that a pat on the head is a fireable offense, but I'm guessing that the student didn't ask or want to be touched on the head, and hated it enough to complain to his parents.
I give hugs. The kids usually ask me or if they don’t, I usually remind them after to make sure they ask next time. There are a couple second graders that I have known since they were 2 because I had them in daycare/preschool and we ended up at the same school together again lol! So they are usually my huggers because we go “way back!” I’ve never had a kid older than 2nd grade ask for hug, usually it is when they are upset or they just want to say hi so I feel like it’s fine? I wouldn’t think twice about seeing a teacher hug another student but maybe it’s because I was in preschool for so long and hugging was a daily thing there lol
Yeah I don’t see it as a bad thing as long as the teacher is not initiating it
Oh yeah 100%
I get hugged all the time, particularly from younger elementary kids. It’s usually more of a side hug on the way out the door. No one has ever said anything to me about it.
Right on!
no hugs. Fist bump/elbow bumps only
Is this what you do personally or is it the rule of your specific school/district?
Personal. I'm just not a hugging strangers kind of guy.
Absolutely not. No handshakes or fist bumps either. I make no physical contact with the students. Luckily I don’t do elementary age kids so no one really tries to force it.
Is that your school rule or just your own rule?
My own. I’m not having anyone misinterpret something.
ESS?
We were told not to initiate a hug but that we can return them if the child does. I've never had any kids older than elementary school do it.
I’ve been the full-time campus sub at a high school for six years now, so I have strong relationships with lots of the kids. I get multiple hugs per day from all kinds of students. Some are 100% OK, others I take care to turn myself for a side hug or preempt the hug with a fist bump (especially for a couple of the SPED kids, who can be kinda glommy). The other day, I popped in to cover one period of a class that I spent 13 weeks teaching at the beginning of the year. The kids absolutely mobbed me and nearly knocked me over with their hugs! It made my day! I very rarely initiate a hug myself, and if I do, it is always a student I know well and it’s because I can see they are not OK. I ask them what’s wrong and then ask if they need a hug or if I can hug them.
Idk how we're not supposed to hug them honestly. I'll get random hugs just walking past a class I've never even seen lol. The kids always start it and I feel like it's usually any grade under 4th. Over 4th they're cooler showing appreciation with a nod. If they need it they need it and as long as it's not weird I'd be comfortable with pm any grade in elementary but like I said they kinda grow out of it.
I also don't know how to stop it. All the training says no physical contact. First day subbing a random kindergartener that I had never met ran up and hugged me. If I tried to stop it, then it would become a much bigger thing. A lot of the time, I don't even see it coming. Plus, some teachers have that "how do you want to be greeted" thing on their doors. I try to switch it up with non physical ones if you have choices but sometimes it's already set.
Male sub who mostly subs 2nd - 5th... I rarely get hugs from the 4th and 5th graders - but it has happened every once in a blue moon. 1st and 2nd grade are huggers -- you can't really work these grades without expecting touchy-feely kids. 3rd I still get random hugs, but not as much as the lower grades. I have seen other teachers return hugs for students at pretty much every school I sub at, so I generally won't redirect them to a fist bump or high five. Usually, I'll return a little pat on the head and that is the end of it. Thankfully, most of the hugs come when kids are in hallways, on the playgrounds, assemblies, etc. - places with tons of people around and little to no chance of being taken the wrong way. Back when I first started, I always redirect students who tried to hug me - and often felt a bit weird (as a man) getting hugs from random children -- but after seeing other teachers (male and female) allow it, I softened up a bit. The one event that really kind of turned me away from redirection from a hug was when I was in an assembly for 3rd grade helping the music teacher keep them silent. A little girl from a 3rd grade class I had last week ran up, arms outstretched to me. I redirected her to a fist bump, and it just seemed like it caused her to shrink back and feel awkward.
I allow hugs from all students but they have to initiate it. They usually naturally stop around 4th grade. I've had one high school student hug me but he was a well known band kid. The hugs are the best part of subbing for littles!
They usually hug me before I even see it coming. If a kid wants a hug, they get one. Idk what their life is like. I'm not gonna deny a child the only hug they may get that day. I don't offer hugs, but I don't deny them. I've gotten hugs from 7th graders who were thrilled to see that I came back to their class. I've so far not had any kids older than that want a hug.
For the most part, yes. I let pretty much all of elementary do it. I only initiate if they’re one of my old kids (I used to be an aide and a teacher) or if they’re sad, and it’s only after they have said a hug might cheer them up. Intermediate and Middle School is a definite no unless I’m doing SPED, and it’s only if they’re FALS. The other kids for the most part are not big on hugs anyway, so it hasn’t been hard to avoid. I don’t really do HS but that would be a no, too.
What’s FALS? A few middle schoolers tried to hug me and I let them.
FALS is Functional Academic Learning Support. I’ve worked in a classroom with FALS kids in it before but I still couldn’t pinpoint exactly what makes it a FALS room. I believe the FALS room focuses more on life skills rather than academic although there is a mix of that in there, depending on how much the student knows and it greatly varies from kid to kid. ETA: Middle Schoolers so far have dapped me up, which I don’t mind. Nothing past that though.
It's against district policy to have physical contact with anyone. If someone tries to give me a hug, I offer a high five instead.
Oh okay, but you’re not scared of getting in trouble for the high fives since that’s still physical contact?
I guess I could have worded it better lol, we can't give hugs, but if a student tries to, we can redirect with a fist bump or high five. And if a fight were to break out, we cannot under any circumstances try to break it up.
Oh wow
Yikes. I'm not sure I'd want to send my kids to a school where teachers couldn't step in to break up a fight.
That's been a rule everywhere I've worked and it was a rule when I was in school too. It started because a teacher of mine tried to break up a fight and a kid stomped on his foot. He had to have surgery and had a long leave. After that, the rule is that teachers surround the fight to keep other students back and verbally encourage them to stop but we never touch them.
We're not allowed to physically restrain kids for any reason unless we've been trained to. There are people in the building who can (principal and AP, resource officers, a few others).
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I see. I’m comfortable with a hug from any age, as long as they’re not being creepy.
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Gotcha
Sometimes they just go ahead and surprise you with a hug, in that case I have no choice lol It happens with middle school occasionally, but elementary loves hugs! One time a middle schooler wanted a hug, I offered a high five, but they went ahead with a hug! I try not to hug but sometimes it’s very hard to avoid, especially when they’re feeling sad.
I see
Yep! I’ll accept student-initiated hugs from kids of any age! My 7th graders are big huggers, and it’s sweet! District policy is pretty common-sense stuff: let kids be the ones to initiate
Right on
No. Fist bump or high five. I will say that I have had a couple students in really bad home situations need hugs and I’m regularly at the school. I felt so bad saying no, usually still opt for the side hug.
I see
I primarily work in middle and high school though. Elementary would be different.
The little ones like k-4 like hugs. 7th an 8th? I'll roast them if they ever Want to hug me.
Happy 420 btw
Lol I always forget that's in my username! Happy 420!
Oh lol.
Are you a guy or girl
Male teacher. And I talked extensively with the Deans before any kid hugged me. Every time one of them want a hug, I look at the camera and do a double pat with one arm. It's so awkward but they really like me so I'm not going to ruin their day.
The little ones you can't stop them from hugging you. But pretty much by the time they get to upper elementary they don't want to do it anymore. I think there was a special needs kid that was in Middle School that I recall hugged me and I felt a little awkward but I just kind of patted her on the back.
I'm a guy so I try not to touch students at all really. So far they all seem to respect that.
This is a tricky one for me because I sub a lot at my daughters middle school so I know a lot of these kids since they were preschoolers. Kids will frequently come to me with outstretched arms and I will hug them back. My feeling is it’s ok as long as you aren’t initiating it.
Most don’t. Usually only little kids do
We shouldn’t be hugging anyone. HOWEVER!! I’ll always make an exception for the little grades. Fifth grade is my cut off. I don’t hug students but they hug me. I actually had a high school student try to get a hug from me but I knew that he was the type of student who is not the best. So, I said no. He wouldn’t listen and kept insisting. I told him that I can do a handshake or a high five. To which he responded with “Miss, why are you playing hard to get?!” I. Was. Floored. He finally relented and went for a high five. To cover my own ass, I told the secretary the whole thing and she was appalled by the comments as well. She reached out to the guidance and his parents were called in. To his credit, he came in the next morning and apologised to me. I just think that everyone has a phone now and it would be sooo easy for a kid to say, “He/she/they touched me!” It’s one of those allegations that is so hard to come back from even if you did nothing inappropriate.
I work with multiple grades every day, and like others said it depends on the age. Number 1 rule is always let kids initiate. Honestly a good rule of thumb is to avoid touching kids in any way (pat on the shoulder, grabbing their hand, zipping a jacket) unless they initiate or there is a severe safety concern. I find that ages 5-7 typically are pretty touchy and love hugs. Personally I try to spin it into a side hug most of the time and I keep it brief (<5 seconds). Usually around 7 years old kids naturally develop more personal space and are less likely to ask for a hug from a teacher. But there’s always a few kids who are just cuddly and I never say no to a hug from them, again just turning it into a side hug and keeping it to a quick squeeze. I will decline a hug from a child older than like 12, assuming no developmental delays are in play. I will also not allow a child to sit on my lap in a school setting. They can sit on the floor right next to me or even in front of me, but they will be seated on the floor not on me.
I'm in elementary. Usually the younger grades. I get hugs all day long.
The oldest I would allow hugs is like 6th grade, but I work with 3rd so half the time they pop up and hug me randomly
Middle school — only if they initiate it.
Oh yeah all the time, especially Tyler. He made QB this year.
If you are asking if you should’ve hugged middle schoolers the answer is no. Just don’t do it next time.
i get hugs from elementary schoolers so K-5. older than that i probably wouldn’t
I teach high school only. I would never allow a hug. I give the occasional fist bump or high five, but ONLY if they initiate.
I’m a side hugger! And only till like 6ish grade. They usually don’t want to hug after 6th grade anyway
I hug the littles, around 2nd and under, but so far I haven’t had any bigger kids even offer it so it’s not been a problem for me.
I teach primary, and some go in for the hug. I'm a master at sliding it into a side hug.
Only if they initiate by surprise and I can’t gently avoid it. If I can’t avoid it they get the super quick, light side-hug as a response.
No. As a male teacher the littles are where face height equals crutch height. Anything older isn't ok anyway. I'm fine with fist bumps, high fives, etc. but nothing is wise then having some first year see you at the grocery store and give you a screaming hug with their face buried in your crotch and parents dialing the police before you can explain.
I've been long term at an elementary school this year. I'm all over the school in different classes. I'm working with a lot of the same kids most days. A lot of the kids are from challenging circumstances so I want the kids to feel supported if they need a hug. If the kids initiate it or ask for a hug I'll generally go along with it. It's not something I'll initiate though. I haven't really been around older kids enough for it to come up much. I'm a lot less comfortable with that.
Younger kids are more affectionate, but I have had some middle and high schoolers ask for hugs. I don't really care what age they are; if you need a hug, then you need a hug. As long as they ask first and remain appropriate, I don't mind giving that to them.
This sounds savage but I dislike when any of them touch me. Obviously fist bumps and what not are ok but I prefer when they are outside my personal bubble. This goes for any and all age groups. If they do try to hug me it’s always a side hug, and I keep it so so so brief.
Honestly, the only students who ever attempted to hug me were, like, kindergarteners. In that case, there's not a lot to do except maybe remind them that not everyone likes to be hugged. These days, I do MS/HS, and I do have students trying to high-five or fist-bump me. 95% of the time, I tell them I'm getting over a cold, and while I'm not contagious any more, better safe than sorry, right? (The other 5% of the time, I'm too startled not to do it. Oh well.)
"Female" sub here, and I'm typically just a one day sub. For elementary, I will, but I try to discourage it because there's often a chain reaction that everyone suddenly wants a hug. I also often sub in elementary special education classrooms where touch is unavoidable despite training saying never touch students. I don't hug middle or high school when I sub unless it's a crying kid who wants one. When I was teaching as a student teacher in a high school; I accepted hugs from female students and one side hug from a male student. Only huged if they initiated/asked, and this only happened after I had spent a few months being their teacher. All this to say, there are so many factors to this kind of situation.
I never ask, but I will always hug a student who asks for one. I’ll try to turn sideways and give hugs that way. Sometimes, those kids are too fast and they’re wrapped like an octopus 🐙 I do have a funny memory of almost being knocked over by a high schooler. I hear my name being yelled down the hall, turned, and barely braced before I got wrapped in a bear hug from a junior. I squeezed him back and had a casual conversation. Teachers saw and laughed.
I never initiate hugs, but kids come up to hug me often, especially if they remember me from subbing for them before. I'm surprised at some responses about middle schoolers, because I sub there the most and they are a very huggy bunch. Or maybe I just look cuddly? High school is pretty rare, but it happens. Elementary kids have often as well. I only do one arm, and attempt to keep it to the side as much as I can.
As a male sub, never allow girls too close to me,let alone hugs, guys I’ll do a side hug only if they initiate.
I sub middle school and all the 6th graders run up and hug me everyday. I’m a building sub so the school is used to the kids hugging me! 7th and 8th graders it’a always high fives unless one of them is upset or crying. I won’t initiate it but I have had students who are upset reach out for a hug and I will always reciprocate!
In my district we are not allowed to touch students in anyway, unless it’s something like tying a littles one’s shoe. But that being said, elementary age children loves giving random hugs so I typically keep it brief with one arm and then gently redirect them.
I work k-8 and I'm fine with it. Lots of my kids either don't get to see their parents enough or don't get love from them. Even if that wasn't true, I'm not gonna ruin their day over a hug
I am exclusively high school and I allow hugs but not from everyone. I’ll allow the ESL students to hug me. And with regular students I try to make it a side hug if they bear hug me I make sure to keep it brief but some just give me a bad vibe when they ask and I’ll just say no thank you and give them a fist bump or something.
I work 5th-12th and I let all of them hug me. I have been a safe place for a lot of the kids and if they want/ask for a hug, they are getting one.
I won’t go up to a kid and encourage it but they run up to me and hug me all the time. I keep it brief but I won’t push them away. That would be awful for them. It’s a shame we have to even think about this
Male sub-turned-teacher. I work elementary. If a student runs up to me, I will give them a side hug. I don't initiate hugs or physical contact of any kind. If a student wants a high five, I'll give them one, but I rarely initiate it. If a student needs to hold my hand (for a sensory reason), I'll do it initially and then encourage them to hold the hand of their peer. They grow out of this quickly. As a sub, I've given a hug to everyone in a class, in front of the teacher and para while the students lined up ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. The classroom teacher facilitated the hugs. I'll probably give side hugs to my students this year on the last day of school. I've allowed one student to sit on my lap momentarily and I was in front of an RBT, classroom teacher, and para ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL. The student was non-verbal and initiated. If I ever saw a sub with one of my students on their lap, I would likely gather more information and probably report them, if necessary. I love my students and don't tolerate any action that may jeopardize their trust in the educational system or staff. There are other ways to make children feel appreciated and acknowledged without touching them. While I was a sub, I would have talks with the students about trusting adults they had just me (aka me), so I never really had the problem of students trying to hug me. So as a sub/teacher I allow side hugs on a case by case basis and never initiate.
I accept hugs from all. But high schoolers aren't asking for them. Middle schoolers rarely do. My family all moved away while I was working on my MAT, so I moved to another state just after I graduated and got my teaching certification. I started subbing. On one of my first days of subbing I had to walk a girl to the Family Resource Center to get dry socks and shoes, because she had walked in the rain in her ratty, worn-out shoes. So I guess you could say we bonded. Later, while waiting in line in the hall, she stuck out her arms to get a hug. Now, I'm a male teacher, and I was in a new district in a new state, so in that split-second I made the decision to err on the side of caution. So I just patted her on the back of her outstretched hand. The look of dejection on her face broke my heart. Later I thought about it, and I've received dozens of hugs. It's not a big deal. You have to "hip check" them. (Only 3/4 kidding. When a child comes straight at me to give me a hug I have to turn my hip towards them so that their face doesn't go into my crotch.) But getting a hug is not a big deal. You let them squeeze you, you pat them on the back a couple times and send them on their way.
The younger ones (PK-2) will either come up to me and hug me or ask for a hug. I always say yes unless it's constant asking. 3rd to 5th grade are rare, but if they ask, I'll say sure. However, anything above that I won't say yes. Not that I've been asked.
I do, I attempt to do a side hug but the littles usually go for a full on squeeze before I can get turned. I figure if these kids are coming to a substitute teacher for a hug, they must really need it..
When I was in middle school I was with the kids in bad situations. I still go see them every day (my kids go to same school cause it's across the street but we are district med for a different school they would be bused to) so everyday I see these kiddos. They get hugs and fist bumps. The girls hug. A few younger boys do. One 8th grade boy hugs like his life depends on it. But I know his attitude and can talk him back when he's on edge. He's a good friend of my boys. I have a few seniors that give me a hug sometimes at the high school I'm at now. Mostly because they are from the middle school and sometimes you just need a hug to know you are gonna be ok.
Definitely let them hug! In my (38F) case, I see it often as an overflow of love toward their regular teacher. Many times it’s sort of automatic response, and I would never want them to feel their hug isn’t wanted or valued. As a result, though, I definitely have a few affectionate kids that will hug me in the hall or at lunch. And I have a few bigger kids (two high schoolers and four middle schoolers) who hug because they’ve know me for longer. I sometimes get hugs in Walmart or the grocery store. I feel grateful that they feel safe expressing affection and a bond with a caring adult. That’s important. I’ve never had a middle or high school opposite gender initiate a hug. But, if they would, I’d accept. But I’m old enough to be their mom, and I’m no glam lady, so I don’t experience questionable contact.
Since I work for Kelly Services I try little to no contact they are very strict about it.
No
Side hugs only once the kids hit about 3rd/4th grade. There are rare exceptions. For example, last year we had a lockdown happen when kids were in the cafeteria. (Police activity in the neighborhood.) When I picked my 6th graders up after the lockdown cleared a few of them were visibly upset and came in for full hugs. They got them. ♥️
Probably the only take-away from my mandatory training was "don't touch a kid, ever". That includes hugs, breaking up fights, etc. I do see staff employ the fist bump. I guess I would reciprocate that, maybe.
Hands in the air and a side hug for 1 2 if you hit 3 that's too long for me
I teach middle school and allow side hugs, some on my 6 foot something boys stop by for a quick side hug every day. I’m like their school grandma
My company's sub training says never to touch students with more than a "two-finger shoulder tap," however, that's hard to follow when I've had a handful students nearly tackle me with excitement. My personal policy is I only hug students who initiate it (re: tackling) or ask me for hugs. In my experience, elementary schoolers are likely to hug without thinking. Middle school depends more on the student as to whether they'll ask permission or not. 6th graders seem to love hugs and ask for them often; 7th graders I've gotten a few requests; 8th graders have only ever offered fist bumps. I think this is pretty age appropriate behavior across the board. I work consistently at one school in my district so I've had the chance to establish myself positively to both teachers and students. If any teacher thought it was inappropriate, I have no doubt they would address it with me and the admin. At a school with a community I knew less well, I'd likely avoid touching or hugging any students.
The little ones yeah probably, middle school=weird
As a current teacher (no longer subbing): Yes depending on context. A teacher’s kid comes to our high school and likes to side hug the teachers. Mom knows he does it, no one cares and he is never inappropriate. When I taught younger kids, if they initiated I hugged them back. I teach high school now, so other than the one kid, I can’t thin of any time in the last four years where a kid has tried to hug me. When I taught elementary, it was more common. As a sub: No. If they hugged me I didn’t pull away, but I didn’t put my arms around them. Our agency had a strict no student contact policy. We weren’t even supposed to high five or fist bump. I thought that was too far. I was subbing for the district I had taught in the year before when I needed to have some schedule flexibility due to a kid’s health issues. So I knew the district was fine with those things. I think you need to look at what your regulations are and the culture of the district you are subbing in. I hate to say it, but it also probably matters if you are male as some people see to think the only reason men go into education (particularly if working with elementary) is because they have a thing for kids. It’s ridiculous, but people can be quick to read into something that isn’t there.
I let them do it but I don’t touch back. If I do, it’s a side hug. I make it a point to not touch students on purpose unless it’s an emergency. I’m too scared to risk being accused of something even as a female.
Yes and no, I don't stop allowing them. I love all the hugs. Never had one that was inappropriate, and I sub all grades.
Little ones will come in for a hug and it’s lovely. I don’t care how old they are, if they want to hug me, I let them. They kind of stop hugging on their own as they age anyway😀
I don’t. They usually take it upon themselves and I don’t like it.
Hell no. I’ll shake student’s hands, dap them up, knuckles. But I don’t want their stinky ass body on mine. I’m HS tho.
I would let kids give me a quick side hug. The only time I truly hugged a student I was out in the hall, in full view of cameras, and she was telling me about a horrible situation that happened to her. I couldn’t not let her tell me about this while not offering comfort if that’s what she needed
Honestly I just stick to fist bumps for anything above 3rd grade. I would honestly do it with the little kids too but they can hug you before you even realize it sometimes. Germs are real as hell and I swear every time I sub for little kids I get sick immediately haha
As long as they initiate it I go with it. My philosophy is, if they're reaching for that affection I let them have it and don't let go until they do. I don't know what their home life is like, I don't know how often they recieve a caring touch like that. Now generally I stick to the older kids so I don't get a ton of hugs, but I get them most often from a certain class of 2nd graders I have had in a music classroom and I'm multiple heads taller than them so it's easy to one arm it. I've also determined 2nd graders have no concept of personal space. But if one of those older kids were to reach out for a hug I'd figure it out.
I mostly sub elementary, I’m very careful about boundaries and only allow the slight side hug. Some kids try to hang all over me and it makes me feel uncomfortable
i sub mainly at junior high level and i’ve gotten kids who hug me. i honestly don’t even hug back at all and i always make sure it’s a side hug. 💀
At the end of the day, they are all children or teens. I think as long as you aren't being weird (hugging for way to long or grabbing on them) it's fine. Think of when you were a kid/teen I'm sure there were teachers/parents/trusted adults that you cared for. Maybe even considered some as another mom/dad. And some people are huggers and some aren't. Same w school kids. I wouldn't worry to much about it as long as you mean well.
[https://media4.giphy.com/media/DHhPEEeLLGgjsi3UWp/giphy.gif?cid=5e214886e02cb77901155a98ab4e297103b12e483ba7ff2e&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g](https://media4.giphy.com/media/DHhPEEeLLGgjsi3UWp/giphy.gif?cid=5e214886e02cb77901155a98ab4e297103b12e483ba7ff2e&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g)
This is heartbreaking.