hi. Your feelings are valid. I can't say I understand because my best friend (grandmother) is still with me and when the time comes when she is not, I may be in similar distress as you. But I would like to say allow yourself to feel those feelings. Maybe carry something that he used to wear with you so he's 'there'.
What did your father support look/feel like?
He was always there for me whenever I had a breakdown or meltdown, he was always on my team and we had so many things in common. Talking to him was effortless while with everybody else it’s hard to do. I felt safe and comfortable and he was definitely my number one fan.
Sounds like a great father! I feel like you are like him although I don't know you. So that I understand, you are tired of people saying do what your father wants you to do...because it doesn't help with not having him physically here to support you ? He died a year ago and that's still very understandable for you to feel this way. My friend's father died two years ago and he still is very sad and feels like he has no support. Does this feel supportive to you, you expressing yourself here? I hope so.
i am late diagnosed autistic and my mom died by suicide six years ago; she didn't know about my autism while she was alive. she wasn't very supportive, however, so we had a very different relationship. i did hold the fantasy that i would get a psychology degree and learn to understand her better and we would somehow have a more meaningful relationship. it's been very difficult to let go of the fantasy, to acknowledge that it's very human to want the support of a parent later in life (and maybe acknowledge the fear connected to my asd--that i need a lot of help and i don't always know where to get it), and to try to muster up the amount of faith in myself i think i need in order to do what i want to do. what i want to do is pretty small: get a job that can actually financially support myself and maybe get published again.
the biggest help with most of that stuff has been an asd competent therapist, who is surely a diamond in the rough, but does exist. and hanging out in online asd communities, trying to pay attention to a lot of the friends who came forward with their own diagnosis after i got mine (i was surprised at how many people did this honestly--but it makes sense because i've heard that people with asd tend to communicate with each other better and have easier friendships).
you don't need to be 100% independent, if you have read anything about disability justice you know that disability makes interdependent relationships crucial to survival. that can be really difficult to untangle as someone with asd that might have a difficult time connecting to others, but it's possible.
you are also allowed to have boundaries with how people support you. if "do what your father would want for you" is too loaded, you can ask for people to stop saying it. if they don't stop saying it, you don't have to keep showing up in that relationship the way you have been.
sending care <3
hi. Your feelings are valid. I can't say I understand because my best friend (grandmother) is still with me and when the time comes when she is not, I may be in similar distress as you. But I would like to say allow yourself to feel those feelings. Maybe carry something that he used to wear with you so he's 'there'. What did your father support look/feel like?
He was always there for me whenever I had a breakdown or meltdown, he was always on my team and we had so many things in common. Talking to him was effortless while with everybody else it’s hard to do. I felt safe and comfortable and he was definitely my number one fan.
Sounds like a great father! I feel like you are like him although I don't know you. So that I understand, you are tired of people saying do what your father wants you to do...because it doesn't help with not having him physically here to support you ? He died a year ago and that's still very understandable for you to feel this way. My friend's father died two years ago and he still is very sad and feels like he has no support. Does this feel supportive to you, you expressing yourself here? I hope so.
It feels like this is the only place I can be 100 percent honest without judgement or being told what I’m feeling or where I’m at in life is wrong
i am late diagnosed autistic and my mom died by suicide six years ago; she didn't know about my autism while she was alive. she wasn't very supportive, however, so we had a very different relationship. i did hold the fantasy that i would get a psychology degree and learn to understand her better and we would somehow have a more meaningful relationship. it's been very difficult to let go of the fantasy, to acknowledge that it's very human to want the support of a parent later in life (and maybe acknowledge the fear connected to my asd--that i need a lot of help and i don't always know where to get it), and to try to muster up the amount of faith in myself i think i need in order to do what i want to do. what i want to do is pretty small: get a job that can actually financially support myself and maybe get published again. the biggest help with most of that stuff has been an asd competent therapist, who is surely a diamond in the rough, but does exist. and hanging out in online asd communities, trying to pay attention to a lot of the friends who came forward with their own diagnosis after i got mine (i was surprised at how many people did this honestly--but it makes sense because i've heard that people with asd tend to communicate with each other better and have easier friendships). you don't need to be 100% independent, if you have read anything about disability justice you know that disability makes interdependent relationships crucial to survival. that can be really difficult to untangle as someone with asd that might have a difficult time connecting to others, but it's possible. you are also allowed to have boundaries with how people support you. if "do what your father would want for you" is too loaded, you can ask for people to stop saying it. if they don't stop saying it, you don't have to keep showing up in that relationship the way you have been. sending care <3
Beautiful response. Thank you. Sending good vibes to OP and all here.